♪
What's that old saying? Read 'em and weep.
Damn it.
Good job, partner.
Is this really your first time playing bridge?
[chuckles] Guess I'm just lucky.
I mean, look at the family I married into.
Are we done?
No, we're going again.
If you insist.
You better not be hustling us.
I can't believe you would accuse me of that.
Amanda, you need to up your game.
[scoffs] I'll do you one better. I'm up and I'm out.
You can't quit in the middle.
Well, I think I hear the baby.
I think I hear a baby, too.
Oh, come on, Mandy, we're having fun.
Are we?
Tell you what, why don't we switch partners?
I'll play with your mama.
Now we're talking.
Aw, why do I get Mandy?
I'm not that bad.
You are.
Am I?
Oh, what do I know? I'm just a beginner.
♪
[coos]
Can't believe I just spent my Friday night
playing bridge with my parents.
I'm a hundred years old.
Guess that makes me only 89.
Sorry.
When did this become our life?
What's wrong with spending time with your folks?
Nothing, I just miss having a social life.
We have a social life.
We got your mom, dad, brother,
my mom, meemaw, sister... Okay, okay.
And if you count our TV friends, we got Tony Danza, Frasier...
Stop.
In the meantime, you're looking
pretty good for an old lady.
Oh, really? Is that so?
That is so. What do you say I get you out of them bloomers
and see what happens?
"Bloomers"?
Ain't that what you old biddies wear under your frock?
Please stop talking.
♪
Oh, my God, how long does it take
to finish a slice of pie?
I know, but it's kind of romantic
the way they look at each other.
What makes you think they're a couple?
Maybe they're brother and sister
in some kind of sick relationship.[scoffs]
What is wrong with you?
I'm not rooting for it. I said it was sick.
Hey, I'm gonna grab a drink
when we get off. You want to come?
Wow, I can't remember the last time I went out for a drink.
Is that a yes?
I-I don't know, my husband's
at home with the baby.
Well, if it's too much trouble...
Oh, no, it's no trouble, I'm coming.
Hi, can I get anything else for you or your wife?
No, she's my sister.
[whispering]: Oh, my God.
[country music playing]
Huh. Look at me. It's after 9:00,
I'm not only out, I'm awake.
And your husband didn't mind staying home with the baby?
Oh, no, he loves it.
That's nice.
My ex loved babies, too.
Why'd you break up?
He made a baby with another woman.
Oh. Sorry.
No, it's okay.
Yeah, he's that bitch's problem now.
Man, I hate bitches.
No, it's fine, I got my son, my freedom,
now it's my turn to have fun.
And, now, when you say "fun," you mean...
Sex with men I barely know.
Okay, well, I won't be doing that,
but I will be cheering for you.
Thank you!
You go, hoebag.
[gunfire on TV]
Hey. What are you still doing up?
Just watching Rambo III.
You'd think it'd answer a lot of questions
from I and II, but it don't.
Did you have fun?
It was okay.
Mandy...
I had a nice time.
Mandy...
Okay, I had a great time. [sighs]
Good, I'm glad.
It was so nice to hang out with a woman
who didn't give birth to me.
Well, a couple pretty women at the bar,
you must have gotten hit on.
Actually, not at all.
Oh. Well, they must've saw your wedding ring
and didn't want to be disrespectful.
Good. Yeah. That's why.
Well, just so you know,
your daughter and I had a pretty fun night, too.
She discovered farting in the bathtub.
Aw, and I missed it?
Don't worry, if she's anything like her daddy,
she'll do it again.
[Mandy laughs]
Hey, can I ask you a personal question?
Shoot.
When you got married,
did you still have other friends?
Oh, yeah, tons.
What about after you had kids?
Oh, no, life as I knew it ended.
But you were fine with that, right?
I get the feeling you want me to say yes.
I don't know, Mandy's just got in my head
about us having a social life.
So? You must have lots of friends.
I do.
I mean, I did.
Maybe I don't.
Well, hang in there.
When CeeCee gets a little older, she'll make friends
and you'll pretend to like their parents.
Maybe I will like 'em.
You won't, they're awful.
You know, after work on Fridays,
me and my buddies play a little half-court basketball.
Cool.
Yeah, and after we grab pizza and beer.
Sounds fun.
[chuckling]: It is. It really is.
I've gone with them. It's a good time.
GEORGIE: "Then he nibbled a hole
"in the cocoon,
"pushed his way out,
and he was a beautiful butterfly."
But you knew that.
'Cause Daddy's read this story 118 times.
Uh-huh. Okay.
All right, let me call you right back.
Hey, uh, my friend Beth
invited me over to her place tonight.
Oh, I think your parents were hoping we'd play cards.
Yeah, I'm well aware.
Okay, you should go.
Well, you don't sound so sure.
Well, I just thought you and I would hang out.
Well, why don't you come with me?
I know Beth wants to meet you.
I ain't gonna get in the way of your girl talk?
[chuckles] Girl talk? What's girl talk?
I don't know. Guys' butts, panties?
Put on a clean shirt, you're coming with me.
She's asleep.
Kind of bummed we lost our bridge partners.
I'll play with you.
That's nice, but it's a four-person game.
We could play something else.
How about Scrabble?
How about something I'm good at?
Reading on the toilet is not a game, Jim.
CONNOR: I have a game we can play.
I'm a thing.
You have 20 questions. Go.
I don't want to play that.
I do. Are you a vegetable?
No. 19.
What kind of first question is that?
It's too specific.
I thought you weren't playing.
I'm not, but if I was,
I'd ask a better first question.
Like what?
Like, "Are you a living thing?"
No. 18.
Great question.
But now we know it's not alive.
It is a good question, right?
Yes. 17.
You're counting that?
Yes. 16.
Oh, come on!
So how did you two meet?
She came into the Laundromat I was working at,
and I asked her out.
Laundromat. Sexy.
It was really a front for a backroom gambling operation.
That sexy enough for you?
She was worried I was a little too young,
so I lied about my age.
Mm-hmm. You sure did.
Hey, you lied about your age, too.
Anyhoo, too much tequila, not enough condoms,
here we are.
Nice.
I eventually told her the truth.
Yep. And we fell in love.
That's sweet, you started with lies and ended with love.
I went the other way.
[door closes] TODD: Hello?
Oh, that's my son. In here.
Hey. Hey, Todd.
Todd, this is Mandy and Georgie.
Georgie Cooper?
Yeah.
Didn't you go to Medford High?
Yeah, a while ago.
Your dad was the football coach,
you had the genius brother.
I'm sorry, did you two go to high school together?
He was a year ahead of me.
Wait, how old are you?
Nineteen.
Now you know why he lied. [laughs]
So, did you graduate?
No, I dropped out my junior year.
Oh, that's so cool.
- No, it's not. - Not cool.
If I didn't, we never would've met.
'Cause you would've been in homeroom?
Well, Todd, I'm sure you've got a lot of stuff to do.
You don't want to hang out
with us old folks...
and Georgie.
I'm gonna go work on my dirt bike.
You got a dirt bike?
Yamaha YZ250.
Oh, sweet.
- You want to see it? - Can I?
Go ahead.
[laughing awkwardly]
So, 19...
Yeah, he's-he's very mature
- for his age. - I'm sure.
And, you know, most days I-I don't even think about it.
And why would you?
He's a good father and a hard worker.
I bet the sex is amazing.
Oh, well, he does bring
a certain youthful energy to the party.
Do tell.
I think I've told enough.
You know, sometimes I look at Todd's friends and...
Oh, Beth, no.
What? You married one.
Yeah.
How long you had it?
Six months.
My dad bought it for me during the divorce
- so I'd be on his side. - Did it work?
No, my mom bought me a Nintendo.
Kind of balanced things out.
You know, people don't talk much about the upsides of divorce.
So, what's it like being married?
Well, I guess it's like having a girlfriend you live with.
Cool.
What's it like having a girlfriend?
It's good.
I mean, you got to buy 'em presents and watch dumb movies,
but overall it's worth it.
So I bet you get to do it all the time.
Well, I'm a gentleman.
B-But I did say "worth it."
It's not weird that she's old?
She ain't old, she's older.
Also, do not let her hear you say that.
Sorry, I don't mean nothing by it.
New school nurse is hot.
And she's like 23.
There you go.
What we doing here?
Just tightening the brakes.
Well, let me help you.
Hey, isn't your sister a freshman this year?
We've talked about this.
Older's better.
Okay, so we know it's not musical.
We know it's not a machine.
But it is man-made.
Got to be smart about this.
You're the one who wasted two questions.
Well, they shouldn't have counted.
But they did, didn't they?
How can we be sure this isn't
some stupid thing only he knows exists?
Good point.
Do it.
Are you some stupid thing only you know exists?
No.
Twelve.
So you're sure we'd know...?
No, don't waste one.
It's something we know.
Okay, okay.
Damn, this is stressful.
If it's too much, we can stop.
No shame admitting defeat.
Make coffee. On it.
That was fun.
Thanks for letting me tag along.
Mm-hmm.
Crazy you and Todd went to school together.
I know.
My meemaw would call that "quite the coinkydink."
Hey.
Listen, Todd invited me
to ride dirt bikes tomorrow.
You're not doing that.
Why?
You have a child. It's dangerous.
I'll wear a helmet.
No.
Todd's mom lets him do it.
What did you say?
What?
"Todd's mom lets him do it,"
like I'm your mom?
That ain't what I meant.
Well, that's what it sounded like.
Well, if you don't like it,
maybe you should stop acting like my mom.
[grunts] You-- I--
You are in trouble, mister.
Oh, don't you roll your eyes at me.
How about this?
I like it.
You sure?
Do it.
Are you something in this house?
Yes.
Yes! Good job.
Teamwork, babe.
MANDY: You are not playing with my friend's son!
GEORGIE: I'm a grown man, I can play with whoever I want.
Trouble in paradise.
We're back.
We heard.
CeeCee good?
Sound asleep.
You two okay?
I don't want to talk about it.
All righty.
We're playing 20 Questions
if you'd like to join.
No.
Anyone else glad she said no?
That was great.
I haven't ridden in years.
Why'd you stop?
Oh, you know, got busy.
Wife, baby, job.
How old are you?
Nineteen...
and a half, basically 20.
You should see his wife.
She's hot.
Hey!
I mean, thank you, but hey.
All right, who's ready for some beer?
- Oh, yeah, count me in. - Please.
Thought we were gonna ride some more?
We are.
After drinking?
I thought you said he was cool.
I'm cool.
[laughter]
I drive a tow truck. I've seen stuff.
Believe me, safe is cool.
[laughter]
At least eat something to coat your stomach.
I'm sorry, our mommies didn't pack us any snacks.
Well, that's all right, I got some string cheese in the truck.
So, is your husband out with his little friends?
Don't call them that.
Sorry.
Is your husband out
with his big-boy friends?
Can you stop enjoying this?
No.
I'm not upset he's out with friends.
I'm upset he's doing something dangerous.
Well, why didn't you tell him not to?
I did. He didn't listen.
Well...
he is at that rebellious age.
I'm serious.
[chuckles]
Georgie has a lot of very good qualities,
but he's so much younger than you.
It was bound to a problem at some point.
That's not true.
Really?
Think about what you were doing when you were 19.
Well, I was in college, so I was...
going to all my classes and studying a lot.
Okay, but it's different because I didn't have a child.
[laughing]: And now you've got two of 'em.
[country music playing]
Check out the cowboy at the bar.
Oh, that's not a cowboy, that's my dentist.
Ooh, Dr. Cowboy.
I have a cleaning next week.
Can you not ruin it?
He married?
Um, I don't know, he wears gloves.
I'm gonna find out.
Wait, you're just gonna leave me here?
I guess you are.
Not a chance. [chuckles]
But thank you.
All right, Richie, this is you.
[sighs] Later.
Wait, here's your keys.
Someday you'll thank me!
Little punk.
All right, who's next?
I guess I am, Mr. Cooper.
It's Georgie, it's just Georgie.
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
♪
What?
I'm gonna take off.
- Okay. - Hi, Mandy.
Hi, Dr. Piccardo.
Okay, sure.
[pager buzzing]
Huh.
♪
Hi. Hey.
Thanks for coming.
What happened to your buddy?
Oh, she's, um...
getting a cavity filled.
Let's go home.
Are you sure? We're here.
I can buy you a drink.
Or if they card me,
you can buy me a drink.
I think I'd rather go home and watch my daughter sleep.
Oh, that's my favorite thing.
How was your night?
You want the truth?
Yeah.
Teenagers suck.
Okay. We know it's not a tangible object.
It can't be bought.
It's odorless.
And it's in this room right now.
We only have one question left.
We have to guess.
What are you thinking?
Agreed.
Go for it.
Are you time?
Ooh, good guess.
- Did we get it? - No.
- Son of a bitch! - Damn it!
So, what was it?
Sorry, you're out of questions.
You're really not gonna tell us?
Thanks for playing.
You get back here right now
and you tell us!
I don't know why you like him.
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