Wallace, what are you doing princes?
Let's go!
We got a game to win!
Get your head out of here!
I want to see it.
You'll take me with you.
To college and to the NFL.
To a giant mansion with a giant pool that has a fat hot tub that's connected to the
giant pool so I can swim from out to go whenever I want.
Yes.
Amazing.
It holds 10 songs.
I put all our favorites on it.
Don't let this change your life, kid.
Our little secret.
Can't move across the whole country.
Only if he's booked twice.
Once for a game in Vickersburg and then once in Vickersburg by accident.
Where?
I should probably mark Vickersburg better.
Son, let me tell you a little story about the Beatles.
They played about 250 shows and all this little
shit was in and around the city of Hamburg.
And you know how they became the biggest band in the world?
In fact, they left Hamburg.
Oh,
why don't you go dance with Ted Kim?
Are you serious?
Yeah.
He looks lonely.
American need his traditions.
Jane Morris just said I've had more holes filled than her grandpa's bow and bow.
Take me home.
Probably shouldn't, because I'm, you know, I don't think I'm too tight to jump.
I'm excited.
What about over there?
I love you.
Take care.
Wallace, now suit up and kill Vickersburg.
Vickersburg!
Are you a Mitchell camp's acting up?
I ain't no All-American!
Get over here!
All state quarterback Nate Wallace is his total just for himself tonight.
We need to talk.
We'll see if Wallace can pull himself together on this drive.
Eastbrook needs this W against Vickersburg.
Damn, great.
Wallace is scrambling.
Hey.
Congratulate.
Shut up.
Nate.
Sit down.
Hi.
I'm Hank and I'm an alcoholic.
Hello, my old friend.
Living in the past, Hank?
You were a bright kid.
Even if you didn't apply yourself.
I bet there's a lot more you could offer Eastbrook high.
Uh, forget.
Forget your preconceptions about bacterial reproduction.
Because most of it's asexual.
Which, you know, you kids should all be.
You don't tell true love or whatever.
Um, I'd use protection.
Okay, let's see what kind of nasty bugs live in her mouths.
We just need everybody to spit in this.
That's what your mom said.
Hey, come on, guys.
Phone's away.
We have important things to do.
Mr. Wallace?
Yeah, Grace?
What's on our phones is important.
Why aren't we talking about the egg?
Okay, Grace.
Let's talk about the ick.
There's no origin story for ick.
We didn't watch it arrive on a meteor or escape from a government lab.
It's just... here.
First we hardly noticed.
But each day, year by year, it kept growing.
It doesn't move, at least we don't think.
It's stationary as a plant, growing, spreading slowly.
It's omnipresent, but not bothersome enough that cars can't drive down the street.
People can't go about their usual routines.
Most folks choose to ignore the ick altogether, hoping it just goes away.
Especially with rumors swirling that it's starting to attack.
All right.
Bring up the beach renditions on the desk, please.
Have a good day.
Hey, Grace.
How's your mom?
Fine, Mr. Wallace.
Oh, that's good.
That's good.
How's your mom?
Dan.
Did you say Charlie's TikTok about how the ick is pure gluten?
What's gluten?
Check this out, Jazza.
Straight up video of the asteroid that brought the ick.
That's the scene from the movie Armageddon.
We have to take this problem seriously, don't turn it into something new.
Look.
The ick is just Franken-poo-GMO set free from Monsanto lab.
That's why I only eat organic.
Cultural appropriate much?
I'm a 64th Cherokee with receipts, and I'm telling you, J.
Guava wouldn't approve of your capitalistic colonial mindset, son.
Come on.
I almost lost my appetite.
This whole making reminds us all to avoid new growth of the ick in the western men's
room, and the jokes of it resembling his wife's slimy lady parts.
This will not be tolerated.
Will ick affect the primary?
We're joined now by our political panel.
Clearly, the ick disproportionately affects black and brown voters.
Well, I heard the ick started in China.
Bad eating weirdos.
Maybe the government will send a team to help clean it up.
Well, we're definitely not getting any help before fingers break.
Hola.
She's, um... how do you say blue, huh?
Your grandma likes to make beer.
What a surprise coming from the ick-worshipping mountains come off.
You kidding me.
Bruja is a witch.
Mia, when a bruja says that ick is a ick from the gospel.
Secure or infernate lover, Guava.
Go.
The ick won't save us, Sofia.
It's... vicious.
Are you staring at my boobs?
No, I wasn't staring at your boobs.
That is so inappropriate.
Who's fainter?
Did you kill me again?
The ick does not move, mi amor.
Well, I know what I saw.
Yes, you're dead.
Worshing ick removal on the American voters is government overreach.
Well, you're right, especially when the date is clear that vitamin D isn't effective.
Oh, my God, I'm pregnant.
Have some class, you piece of shit.
I'll take it from now available.
And so am I, taking all offers, even just for some very lonely.
Well, Griffin, if he takes you to prom, you'll let him play with your boobs.
Okay.
Wait, what?
No.
You want to spend another summer doing steampunk cosplay at the Ren fair?
How are we friends?
Hi.
Hey.
What's your drawing?
Wow, that's really good.
What kind of monkey is that?
Uh, it's a... regular monkey.
Huh?
The problem's coming.
I'll let you play with my...
Nevermind.
This week's film closer, his velotar is slow set on masterpiece.
Sock and talk now.
Enjoy seven hours of Hungarians being sad and locked away.
Let's go!
You ladies are moving slower than these tar tentacles!
That's racist.
Attaboy.
Oh, boy.
Is the ink gonna do anything?
It's been here, like, two months.
The ink's been here for years.
Huh.
I guess I just never really noticed what it's doing here.
What's anything doing here?
Stone sucks.
Hey!
You girls smoking?
No.
Come on!
I'm good.
It just takes a second.
I wrote a new poem.
Industrial love stinking number three.
Going for that Ginsburg vibe.
I mean, it's what I was...
We're on, like, 13 seconds, so I don't, like, care or anything.
But I'll probably monitor poetry when I get to Overlook next year.
I'm not going.
Hey.
What, you're gonna get off the wait list?
A wait list is a slow motion swipe left of college admissions.
I'm not leaving Eastbrook.
I'm staying here.
I just want to grow fat and old, eating built-vita
sandwiches like the rest of the proletariat.
I'm just jumping off of my parents.
Hank, Evan knows I hate to jinx a sale.
But doesn't it seem kind of stupid for a D-R-U-N-K to buy B-A-R?
Honey, Hank's smarter than he looks.
Thanks, Hank.
Do you guys think the ache is in the plumbing and we're all drinking it?
Congratulations, Hank.
Cool.
Thank you.
Are we done?
Can we go home now?
Grace, don't be rude.
Grace has been down in the dumps ever since she got wait list to that Overlook.
Thanks, daughter.
Tell the world what a loser I am.
There is no shame here.
As an Asian-American, Grace had to score 150 points higher on the SATs than her
Caucasian counterparts, just to be considered for the same Ivy League.
Now she wants to skip college entirely, yes, parents.
Tell me more about me.
Delaying life never really works out.
That's why we see the dentist every six months.
Sage Wisdom from here.
Totes fave teach.
Mrs. Brown is my totes fave teach.
Mrs. Brown is bleeding gums.
Grace is a Capricorn.
January 10th.
She hates unmet goals.
January no Grace is born in February.
Grace, are you not a Pisces?
Don't tell Ted!
Why don't we celebrate?
December, November, October.
Fish, mercury, rice, carbs.
Chinese?
I was going to say April.
MSG.
All Asian food will kill you, hon.
We're Asian, Dad.
I don't think so.
I don't think that Asian food is so bad.
You know, I read it.
Oh, shoot, Val.
Never enough.
So I said to the salesman, this doesn't look like Mojave ivory metallic to me.
And he said, Ted, you've got a real nose for detail.
This is iridium ivory metallic.
And since we found out and sold a Mojave ivory metallic to an oak dealer in
Vickersburg, you can have the iridium ivory metallic intended for him with full
bulletproof UV-protected windows and no extra charge.
Louis Vuitton, pepper spray, for you to send off handsy college boys.
No, please don't.
Do you use it?
Think about what you're saying.
One goddamn second, Mom.
Grace, wouldn't you agree?
You need to invest in your future.
Sweetheart, Dr. Kirk asked you to stop lecturing in the form of a question.
Darling, do you recall, Dr. Kirk, asking you to
recognize my need to process information my way?
That's wonderful, dear.
It's delightful having an expert's opinion on your compulsive need for expensive toys.
Angel, Dr. Kirk says my desire for beautiful things... is natural and healthy.
Oh, well, I hope your card doesn't turn into a pumpkin.
Pumpkin, pumpkin.
Jesus!
Stop nice fighting.
Who cares about tans and luxury cars?
There's a monster on the lawn.
Monster... swing?
This is ugly.
UV light.
Fascinating, Captain.
All right, Hank.
It's go time.
Live from NYC, the East Challenge.
What the hell?
Despite the viral TikTok trends we've been in America, school health officials ask
you to not lick the ick and for the love of God, do not dip the ick.
This is what we in the industry call a kick-ass letter of recommendation from
your toad's sick babe teach after Mrs. Gingivitis.
Grace, no, it's to help you get off the wait list.
My parents must be super desperate to talk you into this.
Grace, you know the Beatles, right?
The what?
The Beatles.
The Beatles spent three years in Hamburg, okay?
But do you know how they became the best band in the world?
They had a unique dual songwriting team in Lennon and McCartney that accepted
constructive criticism resulting in albums with few fillers alongside innovative
marketing with concept albums and music videos.
That's good.
Grace, you have so much potential.
That's the polite way of saying I'm not good enough the way I am.
Ya too.
You're old.
The participants for the non-binary rally for Haiti and the Kilo
groomers' bake sale must stay 50 yards away from each other.
Ranger in my place tonight.
Big rose pine booze.
Pass it on.
You know, Sofia, I've been practicing my Spanish.
And I thought, maybe perhaps you might tutor me?
Piquito.
Quiero montar esta noche mikuchi.
Do you use such filthy words to seduce Grace Kim?
How are you going?
I know you're still alive.
Okay, long time friend.
But uh, the bar's not even open yet.
Don't you have any booze?
I don't know.
Whiskey.
I'm not gonna call you doctor, right?
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Drink deep this nectar of the dust.
Fear not the plague, use rubber.
Bro, you gotta tell me which of these bitches are legal.
Sarah Q, Ashley T, Tia, Tara, Mackenzie G, Mackenzie F, Tori, Zoe, Amber, Kelsey.
Why does Mr. Wallace even give a shit anyway?
Who does he think he is?
I think she's had enough.
I'm fine.
Why don't you go find Heather?
She's madly in love with you.
Don't be a cop.
Hey guys, guys.
Hey Wallace, I'm in!
Guys, you won't believe it.
I can't even explain to you that there was a cat and a man in the egg.
The egg.
The egg is harmless.
Hey, why don't you take a ride with us?
We're about to bust up a high school kicker at
the Holborn Fuller's house and steal their beer.
Party like way a teen again!
We even brought an old friend.
Behold, the ancient war.
Oh, well, we did have fun back in the day, boys.
But I'm going to have to tell you that I'm a little too old for that these days.
And you know, just saying this as a friend,
sometimes you've got to admit we have a problem.
I'm afraid we cannot allow you to be such a wet blanket.
The old Hank Wallace was a dope bro.
What's with all this?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
He never turned down the opportunity to get turned up.
Not a lot of the old Hank left these days, boys.
Well, we've got a big surprise for you.
Hank?
She's been asking for you, Hank.
It's over here.
You're Hank.
Me and Mora.
No, I don't think so.
I don't think so.
Just one second.
Hank, come on, Hank.
Let's relay our glory days.
Are you sure you dicks are possessed?
Exist is an ugly word for such a beautiful experience.
The exes are valued.
We were chills for those who does not value.
It consumes.
That's why we got to leave Eastbrook.
Eastbrook?
No.
We're not talking about the ick.
I think the ick is watching us.
Did you see Celeste is rocking cornrows on Insta?
Is someone else to stop her?
This isn't a joke, Dylan.
No, it isn't Grace.
Cultural colonialism is literal violence.
They've never stole the hair of my people.
Look, I'm just... I'm gonna go make the rounds.
So then, who were you snacking?
Was it that nose bar from Biggsburg?
Backstabbing hoe.
Hey, girl.
Idiot.
Grace, listen to me.
The cops are coming to break up the party in Hobart.
So if you're there, you need to leave now.
Okay, you're in danger.
In case I never see you again, are you?
I need you to know that I...
I might be your dad.
Hank, oh, we had sex that one time.
And, fuck me, you ain't nobody's daddy, okay?
Didn't you say you was moving again?
It's just not...
Yeah, this is not a good time.
I gotta go.
I'm in danger.
Hank.
Thanks for saying you liked my monkey.
You're a regular monkey?
Alright, Darcy.
Turned real good heat from you to me.
They're just killing people.
It's eating them alive.
Everyone has to get the sink.
Mr. Wallace, I know a man who could use a beer when I see one.
Just grab yourself a cup.
God damn it.
Do you kiss all one of these zombies?
And not the cool, sexy kind, like in Harry Potter?
JK Rowling says...
I'm talking that demonic soulless type.
Grace, Grace.
Get out of here.
We gotta go.
What the hell?
Take a pervy myth off her.
Look, Dylan, I don't expect you to understand.
I just have to get her out of here.
Oh, I get it.
Screwed the mom, now you gotta screw the daughter.
That's some real Freudian noise.
Weird old damn.
Hey, don't be ableist.
Okay.
Look, just because you threw a ball a billion years ago doesn't make you special.
I can throw a ball.
And when I'm gone, someone else will throw a ball.
Nothing means nothing.
Go.
Grace, please.
Get lost, loser.
Get lost.
Oh, boy.
Right when it was just getting good.
That's gotta hurt.
Am I right?
I think the way Jason talks to you is totally misogynistic.
I mean, calling you a hoe.
Personally, I don't see gender, but if I did, I would worship women.
That doesn't make any sense.
Gender binary doesn't make sense, baby.
What about Grace?
Monogamy is the tool of the patriarchy to keep women oppressed and survive.
That was get nasty.
You are gonna bang a teenager, stud.
How much you gonna miss all these knuckleheads after you graduate?
Well, my favorite French modernist, Marcel Le Chard, said,
we give each other memories when we leave each other.
Yeah, I have no idea what you just said.
And that is why you are the coolest girl in Eastbrook.
Hey, somebody grab my leg.
I'm not calling for that again, Dijonal.
I think I'm going to Picklesburg next weekend.
I've never been.
It's a capuchin.
What?
My regular monkey.
It's called a capuchin.
I like that.
That wasn't me.
W, is someone watching you tinkle?
Listen up, scum suck.
Exposing pedos is extremely our shit.
What the heck?
Obviously.
I'm sorry I called you a hoe.
Thank you all for being here.
My name is Dr. Althea Prentiss and I am in
charge of the federal IT response in this state.
Now, the governor has spoken to your mayor and we have
been ordered out of Eastbrook to our main mission.
We are not abandoning Eastbrook.
I'm leaving behind a contingent to fortify this building.
I suggest that you stay inside there.
We cannot help you if you go outside.
Deep state.
What could be more important than the taxpayers of Eastbrook?
We're headed to Vickersburg to protect their hydroelectric dam.
Vickersburg.
Here's what we know so far.
After decades in stasis, the intracellular kind of
plasma known as IK has reached its kinetic state.
How long will that last?
We don't know for certain, but we are estimating around four to eight years.
No, please, people, listen to me, listen to me.
The government cannot save you right now, okay?
We simply do not have the resources, not without raising taxes.
Big government socialism.
Now, come on, coach.
You're cutting the score out of $5,000 to
get rid of jacuzzi and the boys' locker room.
Oh!
So football is socialism now, Hank?
You make me sick.
People of Eastbrook, listen to me, okay?
Barricade your doors and your windows, okay?
Stop up your sinks and your drains, and for God's sake, please, again,
do not go outside.
Our kids can still get a prom tomorrow, right?
Yeah, you should definitely cancel prom.
My daughter is going to be prom queen.
How dare you try to take that away from us?
You created the hit!
This information!
Children died last night!
Boss Flag!
Classic actors!
Ted Kim.
Kim Real Estate.
If I may.
What?
I think we're all on the same page here, Doctor.
Eastbrook kids need our lives to proceed as normal.
Otherwise, the hit wins.
Will you agree, Doctor Princess?
No.
Well, I'm sure we agree.
That's just your opinion.
And wouldn't you also agree that we are entitled to our opinions?
Hey, I know!
Don't go outside!
But, the fact that an average jaw like me can step up
and have his ideas respected as equal to an expert's.
That's what makes this country really super.
That's what you need, Doctor.
Listen up, you lose.
You gotta take responsibility for your own...
Shit.
Ick wanted to build a mosque, they'd take it seriously.
Oh, Doctor Princess, please wait.
You're absolutely right about the dangers of the ick.
I've experienced them firsthand.
I'm Hank Wallace, a science teacher here in Eastbrook.
I have a theory about the ick.
Please.
You're right about the ick going through a new stage of growth.
But it's also going through a stage of active cellular respiration.
However, it still maintains a stage of photosynthesis.
Meaning, it's still inside my name.
And that is how we kill the ick.
See, because that's eukaryote.
And it collects UV light, converts it into chemical energy.
But it can't convert and collect at the same time.
That's why it only grows in the dark.
Outside, inside.
But UV light, UV light, man, stops dead in his tracks.
Wow.
Yeah.
Hold that thought.
Okay.
Phone.
What are you calling?
Mr. President.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
Eastbrook's high school science teacher... Hank Wallace.
Has presented the precise breakthrough we need to win this whole damn war.
UV light, sir.
No, no one has considered it before.
All right.
You think he deserves a Nobel Prize?
Well, please, sir, transfer me to the King of Sweden.
You can stop it.
Hello?
Is this Karl Gustaf, King of Sweden, and presenter of Nobel Prizes?
I'll just go.
Sir, what do you mean there's no Nobel Prize for
super-obvious shit we figured out from day one?
We know about the UV light dipshit.
It's a goddamn plant.
Unfortunately, due to our supply chain, we have a limited quantity of bulbs.
And all of our surplus has been shipped to you.
Nicklesberg.
The
globalist cops don't want you to know that eating it gives men extreme sexual potency.
You will gain technical powers!
I'll show you.
I'll prove it to you right now.
You've got to take a look at this.
Skipping the vaccine.
The ick boosts all of our immune systems by releasing
positive gut probiotics or whatever into the air.
I'll... I'll... I think I got it on my shoe.
Look, I know what y'all gotta say.
Hank, you're an alcoholic.
What the hell are you doing opening a bar?
On the contrary, Hank.
We want you to do whatever makes you happy.
Live a little.
Let go.
Surrender to a higher power.
Go.
Never crave alcohol again.
No peace.
No bliss.
Suck it upon me!
Suck it!
Uh, no thanks.
You go ahead.
This one was way too bright today.
Um, I've been thinking, babe, I support your decision to stay in Eastbrook.
This is a wonderful town.
What's coming to you?
One way up in the back seat.
Don't take this the wrong way, but you totally look like shit.
My parents, that's all that matters.
So sexually normative, babe.
We shouldn't be out here in A.M.
It's just who goes but not to God.
Fear gets you from the shore!
Stay down, kid.
Look at you, Mr. Wallace.
Hey, you okay?
Wanna ride?
Grace!
I'm sorry!
Okay?
Hey, go throw a ball, kid.
You know, Grace, some boys in the animal kingdom...
Gross!
I don't need to hear about the birds and the bees, Mr. Wallace.
I'm 18.
Not the birds and the bees.
The wasp and the tarantula.
The female hawk wasp when she is ready to lay her eggs.
She paralyzes the tarantula with her stinger that then lays her eggs in its abdomen.
When the larvae are ready to hatch, they eat the tarantula from the inside out.
You know what I mean?
That being pregnant is like getting eaten alive by a parasite.
What I mean is, I think Dylan is trying to put something inside you.
He's already put it inside me.
I did not need to hear that.
I think Dylan is infected.
With what?
Did you see his athletic physical?
I swear, if he gave me the clob after he promised...
What's happening?
It's in the engine.
Are you okay?
I think so.
Shit!
All right, they're on it.
Please don't post this.
I'm texting my cousin.
He drives a tow truck.
Oh, nice.
Well, in the meantime, we can get to know each other a little.
You know, have a bonding sash.
Oh my God.
So awkward.
Well, you know, we might have a lot in common.
You know, like, what's your favorite animal?
Mine is in our wall.
Penguins are also dead.
Keep coming on to me, Mr. Wallace, and you'll be sorry.
No warning shots.
I can never ever... I'm incapable of thinking of you that way.
Oh.
It won't make sense now.
It does?
Right?
You're gay.
Hard to believe you used to take an hour over a dial-up to get a video.
Was that before or after your family died of cholera?
Ha ha, laugh it up.
One day you'll be explaining Instagram to your side-formed children.
Got any food?
Starving.
Weird.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you ever been to a steakhouse?
You know, aged beef, it enhances the tenderness, the flavor.
I can't believe you're a science teacher.
I wanted to be an English teacher, but the positions were filled.
It was a wait list.
Not enough science degrees.
It's really lame.
Maybe daddy.
Are you maybe somebody's baby daddy, Mr. Wallace?
I'm not gonna cheerleader back in your swinging dick days.
No.
No, this can't be happening.
My asshole dad is my asshole dad, not this upside-down asshole.
There's no easy way to explain this, Grace.
But you don't exactly look, you know, and your dad is, you know, and you are,
you know, and you better hold on to something.
That's good.
So 18 years later, it finally occurs to you that I might be your daughter?
I just thought it wasn't possible.
I thought that you were conceived too late.
And I figured that half the town could be your father.
I just mean that your mom probably had sex with a lot of people.
Yeah, yeah, I got that.
Thanks.
Hey, you could just think about me as like your cool uncle, right?
Who takes you to Disney World and Parenthood.
Stop it!
I'm not some dude, bro's fugitive chromosome!
Dude?
But... But nothing.
You're not my dad.
And even if you are, you never will be.
Wow.
I'm having my total deja vu.
No, it's not worse.
Luke, Darth, father.
Please, God say I'm not related to this moron.
I didn't want this.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
Cool.
Never happened.
My cousin's on his way.
Oh, cool, cool.
Shut up!
We don't have to talk, you know.
Silence is golden.
But, um... Grace?
Shh!
Leave me alone!
You should leave.
No shit!
You should leave Eastbrook and you should change your mind about going to college.
Why?
I'm not leaving.
You leave.
Yeah, I... I tried.
Are you... gadding me right now?
I know it's scary to think about leaving.
I get that.
Really, I do.
But, you know, big cities aren't filled with amazing things.
You know, like museums, fancy restaurants, and Dave and... Busters.
You are gadding me right now.
What do you want with a teenage daughter anyway?
We're complicated and mean.
I... I don't think I really have much of a choice.
Will you stop saying that?
Ah, look, I do really want to be the only florist with a 1500 on her SATs.
Look, moron.
You can't come into my life after 18 years.
And suddenly claim me like a value pack coupon.
Where were you when I skinned my knee?
Or when my guinea pig died?
Or when the boy I liked asked another girl to homecoming?
You can't be Disney Dad, Mr. Wallace.
You don't know shit about me.
And you sure as hell don't know shit about family.
Family is why I stayed in Eastbrook.
Don't make the same mistake that I did, Grace.
You know, it took me a long time to realize that
family and Eastbrook are not the same thing.
In fact, Eastbrook kind of sucks.
So does family.
Sometimes.
But you know, family is kind of like a band.
And Eastbrook is like the best band of all time.
Great.
It's hard to imagine a more perfect album than human clay.
But then the band broke up soon after.
But it always breaks up.
But you, Grace, you are Scott's dad.
Who the fuck is Creed?
I'm not your daughter.
Are you kidding me early?
Shut up, Jack!
Mr. Wallace!
The mold!
The penicillin!
What are you saying?
See?
The penicillin was created when moles got into a petri dish and released a toxin
into the bacteria that the scientists regard.
Aha!
Eat your poison!
We're not working!
What's thinking, Dr. Science?
Let it go!
I'll let it go this time, Grace, but the cigarettes?
But ink, you idiot!
Let it go!
Please run, please.
Come out.
Grace, are you okay?
Body, now!
Let's get the hell out of here.
And stay away from my mommy's shoes, I'm single.
How's this possible?
It's the ick.
It absorbed me into the earth all those years ago.
This town.
This country.
This whole rotten planet.
It's falling apart at the seams.
The ick is the thread that will pull it back together.
Well, good luck.
It's gonna take a lot more than some lab-grown goo to fix all that.
Or maybe your bacteria?
Dunno.
Alien.
It's a program, son.
And I'll tell you what that program is.
A program of chaos that rewrites itself, breaks
its rules, creates the fear of the random.
You will never know how it works.
Its goal is contradiction and confusion.
No rhyme or reason.
Because it overwhelms.
Some it devours.
Some it resurrects.
You will ignore it and do nothing.
From a world of many, we all become ick.
It can fix anything, son.
Anything.
It can even fix that leg of yours.
This is not my leg that's broken.
Look, about last minute, honey.
Not your first swing and mess.
What I want to know is why nobody cares that we're in danger.
Danger from what?
The ick attacked me.
Babe, the ick attacked everyone.
The very best moments of my life were on this field.
And the very worst.
Dreams of going to college.
Well, owning a mansion in Beverly Hills, a vacation house in France.
And a series of Viagra commercials.
Wearing a flannel, chopping wood for Crystal Blue Lake.
And you.
I lost it all right here.
Don't be so dramatic.
Disgrace my daughter.
What?
No.
Is that why you dragged me out here?
Stacy, just wait, please.
Can you just give me this one thing?
Please, Hank.
Just tell me that's possible.
It's absolutely impossible.
Wait.
You know, actually... Jesus Christ got me!
Grace, don't ever think my death is your fault.
I've wanted this for a long time.
Consider me a cautionary tale.
And don't repeat my mistakes.
Find happiness wherever you can.
Grab it.
And never let go.
Dead frickin' Kim.
Back to 2002!
Paris Hilton recorded her first 16th.
America is still reeling from 9-11.
Never forget!
What a prick.
Look at my lips.
Nice shirt.
You think maybe we should barricade the doors?
You know, the ick in case of the ick?
The government will take care of it.
The ick is an agent of natural selection.
Next generation is gonna be faster, smarter.
Probably gets a good cornerback out of it.
This next joint is for all the lovers now.
Baby, the rubber broke.
Baby, there was no rubber.
Ask him to dance now.
Would you like to... Love to.
Go on over to the next year.
What?
God damn this song rips.
Grace.
It's what you do to me.
Oh, it's what you do to me.
What you do to me.
Hey!
What the heck are you wearing?
Ted, you gotta get out of here.
No can do, buddy.
You gotta make sure the kids do Dairy Queen and get home safe.
That's an EDM outfit, isn't it?
Ted, the ick is coming.
The ick?
It's already here.
Besides, where will we go?
It's everywhere else too.
Ted, just... just get my daughter to safety.
You're the daughter?
Maybe.
Ted.
About Stacy.
The ick!
Damn
it.
The windows are UV protected.
Screw you, Mercedes!
I'll bring you glass.
Who?
It's both glass.
It is broke.
You threw it in frame.
Oh, Mercedes.
Look, Hank.
About Grace.
No for Grace.
Yes!
Ted!
Jan and Gabriel.
You have really developed.
Ma'am.
Don't you love me?
I'm never staying in Eastbrook for you.
Dylan.
You're right, babe.
We need to fix this town.
Don't run from that.
No!
Are you serious?
Grace?
Don't have sex with him.
Are you serious?
Do you even have sex with a million men, if that's what you want?
It's not.
Just not with him, okay?
He is ick.
The old white guy saving a Virginia to have a helpless female?
Really?
I'm okay with it.
Now smack off football, kid.
Sorry about your problem.
Hey, Grace.
I really didn't want you to have a meaningful, safe relationship with boys.
You know, I... So not the time for this talk.
They say we're infected, but I'll tell you, they're the ones who are truly infected.
Infected by anger, by pain, and.
..
And when we're playing around, Grace, it's time to raise our future.
Hey, kid.
This might sting a little.
This is flawless.
I'm gonna reach down your throat, squeeze your colon, and pull you inside out.
You know what your problem is, Don?
You're phony.
You haven't read half the shit you quote.
You summarized for Wikipedia, and we'll book this like a weapon.
You're a sad, pathetic asshole without an original thought.
You're just like everyone else.
Grace, I need to tell you something.
Yeah, I know.
You might be my dad who told me already.
No.
It's about your real parents.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, we're gonna die.
Not here.
Where?
No, I mean, we're leaving Eastbrook.
Alive.
You and me.
And the regular monkey.
I lost my parents, too.
And I know that it feels like the heartbreak will never end.
But, um, I'm here for you, Grace.
Heather, Griffin, you're a couple.
Mr. Willis.
All right.
Gotta get out of here and find someplace safe.
Allergen, the stadium lights have made UV radiation.
Not as much as the sun or a black line, but hopefully enough to keep us safe.
Harm yourselves.
Whatever you can carry.
Get ready for a fight!
Come on.
You could have just opened it.
I mean, that was super dramatic and all, but...
Now we have to crawl over broken glass.
Patch the wires.
Football the switches.
Where are you going?
I have to go back out, turn on the circuit breakers.
Without them, there's no power flowing to the allergens.
Good luck.
Don't die.
That was super weird.
Are you and Mr. Wallace?
It's complicated.
None of my business.
You can do better.
Hi, sweetie.
Time to join.
We're all here today.
You all right?
I guess.
You know, relatively.
Come to the lights!
I want it to be over.
He's dead.
He should be at peace.
It's not him, Grace.
Everything's going to be okay.
Grace!
Grace, it's a wake-up!
What's going on?
The anchor pulled out the ground under the lights and... We have to go!
Keep going!
We can make it!
I mean, Mr. Wallace, whoever you are!
I've been tipping them forever.
It's like a base.
Grace, I need to give you something.
Whether or not you're my actual daughter, I'm so proud of you.
I'm so grateful.
Did you end my life?
I'm so grateful.
Are
we done now, or...
Hey!
How's school okay?
Definitely not!
I was washed away!
Hey.
It's Rachel's birthday.
What now?
No idea.
Well,
how's the new job?
Bigrative.
Turns out all the economy needed was math suffering.
I'm leaving.
Yeah.
I figured... After all this time, I still don't know what to call you.
Mr. Wallace.
Dad.
Tell the same teach.
Eh, I don't know.
Well, technically, we still don't know.
Maybe it's better not to know.
Yeah.
Maybe it's not.
Like father, like maybe daughter.
Hey, hey!
I knew you'd be here.
I got something for you.
All right.
Hey, get... Oh, come on!
How'd you play football?
I was a quarterback.
The government's in turmoil.
Nobody's seen the president in two months.
And yet, the mailman delivers.
Either rain, nor sleep, nor ick.
I mailed it in.
Grace.
Are you ready?
No.
But what the hell?
Let's open it anyway.