1 00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:10,135 [man] Come on, gotta hustle. We got seven minutes till boarding. 2 00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:12,262 Okay, honey. Slow down. Hey, hey, hi. 3 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,139 -Okay. -Let's take a breath. 4 00:00:14,222 --> 00:00:16,391 -[woman exhales] -Okay. [chuckles] 5 00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:17,976 -I'm sorry. I'm just… -Yeah. 6 00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:22,272 I'm really excited about this trip. I mean, we've never been to Barbados. 7 00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:25,233 I know, but we can calm down, okay? 8 00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:26,818 -[man] Okay. -There's like nobody here. 9 00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:28,069 I think we're gonna be fine. 10 00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:30,905 Yeah, you're right. Sorry. 11 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,240 [sighs] 12 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:34,451 We'll be all right. 13 00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,036 [woman on PA] Attention, passengers… 14 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,746 -Next. -Hi. 15 00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,748 Hello. ID, please. 16 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:43,001 -[indistinct chattering] -[machine beeps] 17 00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:45,503 -Thank you. Have a safe trip. -Thank you. 18 00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:47,547 Hi, there. 19 00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:50,175 One second, sir. 20 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,218 -Sorry. -Hey, Patricia! 21 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,636 [machine beeping] 22 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,597 What's up, twin? You ready to switch? 23 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,140 Yes, ma'am. 24 00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:58,641 All right. 25 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,728 -[TSA agent] Get your white ass over here. -[Patricia] I'm coming. Damn. 26 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,814 -Hey, boo. -You are glowing! 27 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:05,732 [laughing] 28 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,568 -I'll tell you why when I come back. -[Patricia] Oh shit. 29 00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,403 Kev gave you a workout, huh? 30 00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:11,946 [TSA agent] A workout! 31 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:13,031 [both laughing] 32 00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:16,493 -Ooh! Shit. -Here you go. 33 00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,412 Sir, I still got 30 more seconds of break. 34 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,624 Excuse me, ma'am, it's just I'm running a little late, 35 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,626 and I've got to get to my gate. Pardon me. 36 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:27,545 You're acting like I’m the one that set your alarm. I didn't do that shit. 37 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:30,924 [chuckles] Gosh, I wish you had been there to help wake me up this morning. 38 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,008 Ugh. 39 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,636 No, thank you. Wake you up? 40 00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:38,098 -Tickle your nuts? I don't think so. -Oh, no, I-I didn't mean it like that. 41 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,349 Okay, next. 42 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:43,937 Uh, excuse me. Do you hand things to your lady like that? 43 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,356 Hand that shit to me softer. 44 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:47,690 Softer? 45 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:48,733 Yeah, softer. 46 00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:53,655 [tense music playing] 47 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,034 Thank you. 48 00:01:58,827 --> 00:01:59,953 Look in the camera. 49 00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:03,373 Can you take your goofy-ass hat off, please? 50 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:04,707 Sure. Sorry. 51 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,252 [laughs] Dang, you got a big-ass head. 52 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:12,048 Yeah, you know, they-- they say that's actually a sign of intelligence. 53 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,093 They say that Einstein had a big ol' melon. 54 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:18,096 Ooh, that's the dude with the freaky-ass island, huh? 55 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,307 No, you're thinking of Jeffrey Epstein. 56 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:22,308 Shit. 57 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,769 Hey, big-head Epstein coming through! 58 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:25,895 [percussive music playing] 59 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,647 -Thank you. -Next. 60 00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:30,441 A reminder, shoes stay on. 61 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:31,901 Belts come off. 62 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,988 Large electronics into a separate bin. 63 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,574 Why are your shoes on? 64 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:42,787 I thought the guy just said that you don't have to take your shoes off. 65 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:45,832 -What guy? -I think it was this gentleman right here. 66 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,917 I thought that's what he said. 67 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,627 Did you just call me a nigga? 68 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:52,797 No, I just… I just thought that you'd said-- 69 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,925 -[TSA agent 2] I ain't say nothing. -So, excuse me, shoes off? 70 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,803 -[TSA agent 2] No, excuse you. -Listen up! Shoes off! 71 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,555 -Shoes on. -Belts on. 72 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,974 -[TSA agent 2] Belts off. Jackets on. -Okay, I apologize. 73 00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:04,726 -Get my shoes off. -[Patricia] Think he OBJ. 74 00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:05,894 [TSA agent 3] Step in. 75 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,187 [percussive music continues] 76 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,563 Hands over your head. 77 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,690 Hold them there. 78 00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:11,900 Step out. 79 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:13,985 [machine beeps] 80 00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:16,905 [TSA agent 3] It's telling me I'm gonna have to do a secondary screening. 81 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,574 Do we have your consent for a secondary screening? 82 00:03:19,657 --> 00:03:22,577 Okay, just-- just go ahead. I'll meet you at the gate. 83 00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:23,745 Okay. 84 00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,955 [TSA agent 3] This will just take a couple minutes, sir. 85 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,292 -Oh, you bringing someone home with that. -You know that's right. 86 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,252 [TSA agent 3] Patricia for a secondary screening. 87 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,503 Copy. I gotta go. 88 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:33,630 Bye, bitch. 89 00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,424 Did you say Patricia? 90 00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:37,592 [Patricia] Tracy! 91 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:40,136 -What's up, girl? -[Patricia] I drank your Pepsi Max. 92 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,638 -[Tracy] That's all right. -Oh shit. 93 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,431 -You still here? -How you doing? 94 00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,892 -That's wild as hell. -I know, yeah. 95 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:47,602 Okay, spread 'em. 96 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,146 [blows raspberry] 97 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,356 Okay. 98 00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:53,399 What is this shit? 99 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,611 -[man groans] -Ooh! Your gooch thick. 100 00:03:56,694 --> 00:04:00,281 That could be a problem. You need to see the dick and balls doctor. 101 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:02,075 Prostate guy, yeah. Thank you. 102 00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:03,451 [groans uncomfortably] 103 00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:04,535 [Patricia laughs] 104 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:06,955 What you got in here? 105 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,457 Ma'am, how much longer do you think this is gonna take? 106 00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:10,959 I've really got to make this flight. 107 00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:13,336 You think you could not grow when my hands are here? 108 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:14,879 I don't think I'm growing. 109 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,256 I saw your lady earlier. 110 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:19,175 I don't think she would like to know the way you lookin' at another woman. 111 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,219 -How am I looking at you? -[Patricia] Like that. 112 00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:22,845 Like you're trying to get with me. 113 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,890 You know, people say I look like Rihanna. [laughs] 114 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,018 Yeah, yeah. 115 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,312 -She's a beauty. -[Patricia laughs] 116 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,022 -[Patricia] Fuck! -What? 117 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,440 [Patricia] Shit. 118 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,651 Your dumb-ass leg broke my nail. 119 00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:37,944 -Yeah. -[Patricia sighs] 120 00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:40,238 May I get going now? 121 00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:41,906 Yeah, get your ass out of here. 122 00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,742 -[man] Good to see you. -Take your ass this way. 123 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,203 -Go get your motherfucking bag. -Fuck. 124 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,208 Come on, come on. 125 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,626 [Patricia laughing] Oh shit! 126 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,503 Teddy, look at this shit. 127 00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:58,673 Look at this man get clipped by a whole-ass semi truck. 128 00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:00,633 -[man screaming on phone] -Come on. 129 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,469 Patricia, that ain't real. That's AI. 130 00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:04,387 How you know? 131 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:07,432 Well, the driver of the truck is, uh, Peter Griffin. 132 00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,392 He's normally like a cartoon character. 133 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,894 That's a real man. What the hell is AI? 134 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,396 Oh shit. 135 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:16,024 Patricia, your crazy ass made me miss a bag. 136 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:17,817 I gotta put that one back through. 137 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,236 That's my bad. I'll take care of it. Don't worry. 138 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,031 Whose raggedy-ass bag is this? 139 00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,198 [bag thuds loudly] 140 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:27,035 Ugh. This bag stank. 141 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,287 -Just have at it. -All right. 142 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,372 Let's do this. 143 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:32,749 [indistinct announcement on PA] 144 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,501 Let's see what nasty shit you got in here. 145 00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:37,211 Ooh. 146 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,216 This camera got lithium batteries? 147 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,260 You know what? Just keep the camera. 148 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,512 Okay. Teddy! 149 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,682 -You be taking pictures, right? -Sure do. 150 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,934 I know you do, with your freak ass. Here. 151 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,353 [percussive music continues] 152 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,855 Christmas came early, motherfucker. 153 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,441 You know I take care of mine. 154 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:01,194 -Thank you. -[Patricia] All right, take some of me. 155 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:03,863 [woman on PA] I repeat, this is the final boarding call… 156 00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:05,740 [Patricia] Let me turn around for you a second. 157 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:08,159 I'm trying to look like Solange. 158 00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:10,912 -You do. You're beautiful. -[Patricia] Thank you. 159 00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,789 [camera beeping] 160 00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,666 -You look good. -[Patricia] I know what you like, Teddy. 161 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,377 -Will you cut the shit? -[music stops] 162 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:21,881 Excuse you? 163 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:26,052 What is your problem with me, lady? 164 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,970 You have singled me out 165 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:31,891 and made this a beyond hellish experience. 166 00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:33,726 And you're making me feel… 167 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,019 [tense music playing] 168 00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:37,438 I feel like I'm gonna explode. 169 00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:39,232 [gasps] 170 00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,359 -He got a bomb! -[people screaming] 171 00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:43,403 [news theme music playing] 172 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,698 A terrorist attack has been averted at the Atlanta airport. 173 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:49,283 The suspect, Mark Wicker, 174 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:52,078 was stopped by TSA agents and found to be carrying 175 00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:55,498 multiple explosive devices in his carry-on and rectum. 176 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:59,502 He may have succeeded had it not been for veteran TSA agent Patricia Finch, 177 00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:03,047 who is being recognized for her valor and bravery. 178 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,633 First of all, I just wanna give a shout-out to Jesus. 179 00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,593 I do everything for Jesus. 180 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:08,845 I don't mess with saints 181 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,138 and none of that bull****. 182 00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:12,682 Growing up as a little white girl in Atlanta, 183 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,268 I was always good at knowing, 184 00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:18,312 like, who is kind of a piece of ****. 185 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,023 If your eyebrows is too thick, gone. 186 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:24,152 If your eyes ain't open, see you later. 187 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,112 If you smell funky, 188 00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:28,489 get your *** to the Greyhound bus station. 189 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,324 You ain't meant for the airport, mother******. 190 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,617 Take my picture, y'all. 191 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,453 -[camera shutters clicking] -Hey. 192 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,871 [photographer] Over your shoulder! 193 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,914 -Am I getting any money for this? -No. 194 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,749 All right, I'm done with this ****. 195 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,710 All right. Bye, y'all. 196 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,588 [edgy music playing] 197 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,176 [music fades] 198 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,261 [man humming] 199 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,182 -Hey. -[Tom] Hey. 200 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,641 That's my guy. 201 00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,018 I'm not late, am I? 202 00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,394 [man] Not at all. 203 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,856 Let me get a look at you. Oh yeah. You look great, man. 204 00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,858 Your body's so fit right now. 205 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:04,984 Loving this jacket. 206 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,612 You look slim, confident, ready for action. 207 00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:09,280 -Thanks, man. -Yeah. 208 00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:12,200 [exhales loudly] So this is really happening, huh? 209 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,329 Oh yeah. [laughs] 210 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:21,000 Good, good. 'Cause I gotta tell you, 211 00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,335 I'm over Bad Thoughts. 212 00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:23,252 Mm. 213 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,254 I appreciate the opportunity. You know that. 214 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:29,008 I'm just done with this wacky prosthetic wig stuff. 215 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:29,926 Ugh, yeah. 216 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:34,430 I-- I want people to know I take acting seriously, you know? 217 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,765 I want to do, like… 218 00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:36,807 Trucks. 219 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,102 -What? -Big ones. 220 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,479 Eighteen-wheelers. 221 00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:42,688 [mimicking horn honking] 222 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,607 Why are you always talking about trucks? 223 00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,277 Oh, I don't know why I said that. Keep going. 224 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,905 Okay. I want to make feature films, is my point. 225 00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:53,950 Right… well, that's why we're here, buddy. 226 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:57,662 You are about to get a major offer from the guy that they call 227 00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:59,580 the Asian Chris Nolan. 228 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:04,043 Which means this thing is going to be extremely heady and thought-provoking. 229 00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:07,088 You should be jizzing in your drawers right now. 230 00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:10,174 I want to see you blow your load. 231 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,133 Okay. 232 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:14,303 I want you walking in there with a wet front, 233 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,682 stinking to high heaven like some 13-year-old freak. 234 00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:18,766 [woman] Tom? 235 00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,017 They're ready. 236 00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:23,271 [man] Mm. 237 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,565 That's smartwater. 238 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,441 These guys know what they're doing. 239 00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:29,986 -[Tom sighs] -Hey. 240 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,905 You look really cool. 241 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,407 Thanks, man. 242 00:09:35,199 --> 00:09:37,660 Tom fucking Segura! 243 00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,913 Oh my God! Lookin' slim, my guy. 244 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,124 I would fuck you right here if I wasn't a lesbian. 245 00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:44,959 Don't let the nails fool you. I'm a lesbian. 246 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,336 Nice. I love lesbians. 247 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,297 I watch a lot of lesbian stuff. 248 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,382 Uh, Tom, I want you to meet someone 249 00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:54,885 who is very special to us here at Chikara Kikku. 250 00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:58,306 This is Mr. Yoshi Mashimoto, 251 00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:01,142 one of the few geniuses left in the world. 252 00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,227 I'm sure you're familiar with his work. 253 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:04,729 Uh… 254 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:07,189 Mr. Mashimoto is the author 255 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:11,027 of the highest-selling graphic novel of all time. 256 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,445 -Amazing. -[woman] Yeah. 257 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:13,779 Hello. 258 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:16,824 [speaking Japanese] 259 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,452 Mr. Mashimoto is honored that you are here. 260 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,455 -Thank you. -[Yoshi speaking in Japanese] 261 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,670 He also says that you are very funny and bald. 262 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,381 -Yes. -And he loves your blue eyes. 263 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,676 I've always said that they pop on camera. [chuckles] 264 00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:39,096 Thank you. That's very nice. 265 00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:42,933 Great. 266 00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,935 All right. Let's take a seat. [clears throat] 267 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:45,895 Okay. 268 00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:49,607 So, Tom, I bet you're wondering why the hell you're here. 269 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:52,693 Yeah. We were just saying this is all very under wraps. 270 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:55,029 Under wraps and exciting as fuck. 271 00:10:55,112 --> 00:10:58,824 [chuckling] Okay, well, we feel exactly the same way. 272 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,702 So, Mr. Mashimoto's masterpiece 273 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,412 is entitled Konyo Yaro. 274 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,998 -Konyo Yaro. -That's right. Konyo Yaro. 275 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,708 Rolls right off the tongue. 276 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:11,170 And we are now finally, after many years, 277 00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:14,924 going to turn his brilliant graphic novel 278 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:18,969 into a high-budget, live-action feature film. 279 00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:21,180 That's awesome. I love feature films. 280 00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:25,434 I can vouch for that. Tom does indeed love feature films. 281 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,560 Okay. Relax. 282 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:29,313 So, Tom, the reason why you're here 283 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:33,609 is that Mr. Mashimoto has requested 284 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,404 you play the main character. 285 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:41,617 -Really? -I know. Our reaction here was the same. 286 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:45,538 Like, there are so many other people who could do it 287 00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:48,582 who are movie stars, you know? 288 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,752 But no, he made it very clear 289 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,504 he only wants you. 290 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,382 [whispering] I think I'm gonna come. 291 00:11:57,383 --> 00:12:00,386 [in normal voice] This is your guy. Where do we sign? 292 00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:04,515 I mean, uh, we are very open to this. 293 00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:08,269 Yes, um, it's very flattering. Thank you for that. 294 00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:12,606 Um, and it sounds great, but can I get a little bit more detail about it? 295 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,734 Of course. Yeah, of course. 296 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:18,028 Let's go through the whole thing. Okay. [clears throat] 297 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,156 Behold. 298 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,615 New Tokyoville. 299 00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:27,246 Humanity's last safe zone in a post-chemical wasteland. 300 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:30,958 Yet danger coils around every border 301 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:35,629 as rogue cyborgs are closing in on every side. 302 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:39,175 But from the shadows emerges… 303 00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,552 Bushido! 304 00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:46,432 Yes, a rogue warrior forged in exile 305 00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:47,933 and driven by fate, 306 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,853 destined to rid the world of evil 307 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:56,358 and deliver humanity from the edge of oblivion. 308 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,610 That's you. 309 00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:00,070 Huh. 310 00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:01,989 Wow. 311 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,117 Squirt. I just came. 312 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:07,286 I warned you guys. [laughs] 313 00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:09,038 So he's just a total badass? 314 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:12,041 Not sure this is even gonna require much acting. [laughing] 315 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,376 Hey, hey. Jesus. You gotta tone it down a notch. 316 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,797 Well, actually, I mean, the character is a bit of a recluse. 317 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,049 Yes, he lives in the sewer system. 318 00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:23,052 In the sewer system? 319 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:26,722 Yes. He gets his power from the waste of the city, 320 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,141 but then channels it for good. 321 00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,143 -[woman] Yeah. -I told you. Heady stuff. 322 00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:34,563 Interesting. And what is the name of the movie again? 323 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,524 -Konyo… -Konyo Yaro. 324 00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,150 Konyo Yaro. 325 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:41,403 Yes, but of course, we will use the English translation. 326 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,321 Right. 327 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:43,989 Hogtit Shitbeast. 328 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,451 Hogtit Shitbeast. 329 00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:50,246 Wow. Powerful. 330 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,498 Hogtit Shitbeast? 331 00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:55,876 Yeah, well, because he's got the hog tits, 332 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,711 but also he is a shit beast, 333 00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,880 so it's a little bit of a play on words there. 334 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:02,007 -[Tom] Hm. -Badass. I get it. 335 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,717 It's foreign. It's edgy. 336 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,427 I'm, like, super into this. 337 00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:07,471 This? 338 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,765 So actually he is gonna need you to pack on about 150-- 339 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,433 I mean, at this point, over 200 pounds. 340 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,893 [speaking Japanese] 341 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,186 You must become fatter. 342 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,771 [Yoshi speaking Japanese] 343 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,982 [translator] It has to be real. No computers. 344 00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:21,735 You see, you first caught Mr. Mashimoto's attention 345 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:26,532 with your 2014 ha-ha comedy show, Completely Normal. 346 00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,158 Ha-ha comedy show. 347 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,535 Very funny. 348 00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,203 Thank you for watching that. 349 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:35,624 He took one look at your face and said, "That is my Hogtit Shitbeast." 350 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,878 It's as if you jumped right out of his mind. 351 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:43,632 In fact, he's been heartbroken about your recent weight loss. 352 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:47,678 The same way he felt when fat Adele got skinny. 353 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:52,016 Yeah, uh, it's hard to keep it off, but… 354 00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:54,101 [speaking Japanese] 355 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,606 [translator] You've done it before. 356 00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:02,693 Just stuff your fat face, you little piggy. 357 00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:04,778 His words, not mine. 358 00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:08,574 And what's coming out of his breasts? 359 00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,951 Those are teats. And it's blood. 360 00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:14,163 He replenishes what he loses by killing, 361 00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,457 which is why he lives underneath the abortion clinic. 362 00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:20,377 He eats the fetuses one at a time, yeah, 363 00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:24,298 and when he runs out, that's when fecal matter sprays out. 364 00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:25,549 Of his tits. 365 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:26,926 -Teats. -[Tom] Right. 366 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,052 His teats, correct. 367 00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,012 Of course. Makes complete sense. 368 00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,556 I've got the contract ready for you right here. 369 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,892 All the details are outlined. 370 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:39,021 Um, this is just… 371 00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:42,483 I don't know. I don't really feel like I'm getting it, you know? 372 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:44,401 Well, maybe this will help. 373 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:45,986 [metal clanking] 374 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,284 -Is that a… -[woman] Yeah, it's a lunch box. 375 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,744 Now, this is just a prototype, 376 00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:55,704 but imagine milk coming out of one of them, 377 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,247 fruit punch out of another. 378 00:15:57,331 --> 00:16:00,084 Oat milk, if your kid's lactose intolerant. 379 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,962 I'm a bit of a tits guy. Can I squeeze them? 380 00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:04,254 [woman] Honey, go for it. 381 00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,174 [squelching] 382 00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,593 Wow. These feel like real tits. 383 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,512 -Teats. -Teats. 384 00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,389 The hair is a nice touch. 385 00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:18,018 Yeah, I guess I'm struggling with it. 386 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:21,981 Um, it's a lot of new information. You think you could give us a second to… 387 00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,941 Okay, you just take one quick second. 388 00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:25,025 Okay. 389 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,277 What the fuck, man? 390 00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:28,612 [speaking Japanese] 391 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,280 This is all part of the game. 392 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:33,325 Look, I know how hard you work to keep off all that weight, 393 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,285 and it's super impressive, but like it or not, 394 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:38,747 your brand is being a disgusting slob. 395 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,582 That's how people see you. 396 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,669 This project is your Black Panther. 397 00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:45,879 Fat Panther. 398 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:50,426 [sighs] Guys, um, 399 00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,345 as much as I appreciate 400 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,597 most of what you said, 401 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,852 I just can't see myself playing this part. 402 00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:04,189 And I really hope you can find somebody that suits what you need, sir, 403 00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:06,567 but it's not gonna be me. 404 00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:07,818 No? 405 00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:12,948 Because I can think of about 800,000 reasons 406 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,491 why you should. 407 00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:17,453 Well, it's not about the money for me. 408 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,749 Unfortunately, this doesn't align with who I am, 409 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:25,878 and I'm gonna have to respectfully say thank you, but I can't do this. 410 00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:31,467 [Yoshi yelling in Japanese] 411 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,304 Fourteen million. 412 00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:37,389 [intriguing music playing] 413 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,602 We had a little bit of wiggle room. 414 00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:43,771 Holy shit. 415 00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:45,773 Fuck. 416 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,816 -[yelling in Japanese] -[thrilling music playing] 417 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,277 [snorting, yells in English] Come on! More! 418 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,279 [Tom snorting] 419 00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:54,198 Just make sound! Oink, oink! 420 00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,492 -[coughing] -[Yoshi speaking Japanese] 421 00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:58,452 [in English] You're my comedy pig! 422 00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:01,246 -[Yoshi laughing] -[Tom grunting] 423 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,832 -[Yoshi] Comedy pig! [laughing] -[Tom grunts] 424 00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:06,960 [upbeat music playing] 425 00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:24,686 [Tom] Fuck. 426 00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:44,373 Fuck.