1
00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:10,135
快点 还有七分钟就要登机了

2
00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:12,345
好 亲爱的 慢点 嘿

3
00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:14,139
-嘿
-喘口气

4
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:15,974
好

5
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:17,976
-好了
-对不起 我就是…

6
00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:22,272
我太期待这次旅行了
我们从来没去过巴巴多斯

7
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:25,233
我知道 但是冷静点 好吗？

8
00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:26,776
-好
-这里都没几个人

9
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,069
我们应该来得及

10
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:30,905
对 你说得对 抱歉

11
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:34,451
来得及的

12
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,036
各位旅客请注意…

13
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,746
-下一位
-你好

14
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,748
你好 请出示证件

15
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:45,503
-谢谢 祝您一路平安
-谢谢

16
00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:47,547
你好

17
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:50,175
请稍等 先生

18
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,218
-抱歉
-帕翠莎！

19
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,597
怎么样 姐妹？准备好换班了？

20
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,140
是的 女士

21
00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:58,224
好嘞

22
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,728
-快过来 大白妞
-来了 去你的

23
00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,315
-嘿 宝贝
-瞧你春光满面的！

24
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,568
-等我回来再告诉你为什么
-操

25
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,403
凯文跟你大战三百回合了吧？

26
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,030
大战了一场！

27
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,493
-操
-给你

28
00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,412
先生 我的休息时间还有30秒

29
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,624
抱歉 女士 我快迟到了

30
00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,626
得赶去登机口 不好意思

31
00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:27,545
你说得好像我早上
该给你定闹铃似的 那不关我事

32
00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:30,924
天哪 要是早上有你叫醒我就好了

33
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,636
我才不要呢 叫醒你

34
00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:38,098
-挠你蛋蛋吗？算了吧
-我不是那个意思

35
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,349
好了 下一位

36
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,937
不好意思 你平时
也这么给你老婆递东西吗？

37
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,356
动作温柔点

38
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:47,690
温柔点？

39
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:48,733
对 温柔点

40
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,034
谢谢

41
00:01:58,827 --> 00:01:59,953
看镜头

42
00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:04,707
-麻烦把那傻不拉几的帽子摘了
-好的 抱歉

43
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,252
我操 你头可真大啊

44
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:12,215
是啊 人们都说头大聪明嘛

45
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:15,093
据说爱因斯坦的头也很大

46
00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:18,096
是搞了个什么岛的那家伙吧？

47
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,307
不 你说的是杰弗里·爱泼斯坦

48
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:22,308
见鬼

49
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,894
嘿 大头爱泼斯坦来了

50
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,647
-谢谢
-下一位

51
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:30,441
提醒各位 鞋子不用脱

52
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:31,901
皮带脱掉

53
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,988
大型电子设备单独装一个筐

54
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,574
你怎么没脱鞋？

55
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:42,787
我刚才听那个人说不用脱鞋

56
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:45,832
-哪个人？
-就是这位先生

57
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,917
他刚才说的

58
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,627
你刚才叫我“黑鬼”吗？

59
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:52,797
没有 你刚才不是说…

60
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,174
我什么也没说

61
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:55,925
不好意思 所以是要脱鞋吗？

62
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,635
-你可真好意思
-听好了！

63
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:58,803
鞋子脱掉！

64
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,555
-鞋子不用脱
-皮带不用脱

65
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,974
-皮带要脱 外套穿着
-好吧 对不起

66
00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:04,726
-我这就脱
-他以为他是贝克汉姆呢

67
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:05,894
走进去

68
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,563
双手高举过头

69
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,690
保持这个姿势

70
00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:11,900
出来吧

71
00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:16,905
机器提示我让您做二次安检

72
00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,574
您同意接受复检吗？

73
00:03:19,657 --> 00:03:22,577
你先过去吧 一会儿在登机口会合

74
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:23,745
好

75
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,955
只需要几分钟就好 先生

76
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,292
-这小舞姿很撩人啊
-必须的

77
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,085
帕翠莎 去做二次安检

78
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,503
收到 我得走了

79
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:33,630
回见 婊贝

80
00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,424
你刚才是说帕翠莎吗？

81
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:37,592
崔西！

82
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:40,136
-好啊 美女
-抱歉 我喝了你的百事极度

83
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,638
-没关系
-我操

84
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,431
-你还在这儿呢？
-你好

85
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,892
-也太扯了吧
-可不是嘛

86
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:47,602
好了 腿张开

87
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,356
好的

88
00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:53,399
这是什么鬼东西？

89
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,611
你会阴肿大了吧

90
00:03:56,694 --> 00:04:00,281
这没准儿是病 你得看泌尿科医生

91
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:02,075
前列腺医生 对 谢谢

92
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:06,955
这里面是什么？

93
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,499
女士 您还要检查多久？

94
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:10,959
我真的得赶飞机

95
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:13,336
我手放在这里的时候
你能别硬起来吗？

96
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:14,879
我没硬起来

97
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,256
我刚才看到你老婆了

98
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:19,175
她不会喜欢你这么看别的女人吧

99
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,219
-我怎么看你了？
-像这样

100
00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:22,845
一脸想上我的表情

101
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,431
大家都说我长得像蕾哈娜

102
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,018
是啊

103
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,436
她很漂亮

104
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,022
-操！
-怎么了？

105
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,440
见鬼

106
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,651
你这蠢货的腿弄断了我的指甲

107
00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:37,652
是啊

108
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:40,238
我可以走了吗？

109
00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:41,906
可以了 滚吧

110
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,742
-很高兴见到你
-这边

111
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,203
-去拿你的行李
-见鬼

112
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,208
拜托 快啊

113
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,626
我操！

114
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,503
泰迪 快看这个

115
00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:58,673
这男的被一辆半挂卡车撞了

116
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:00,633
拜托

117
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,469
帕翠莎 这不是真的 是AI生成的

118
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:04,387
你怎么知道？

119
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:07,432
因为卡车司机是皮特·格里芬啊

120
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,392
他按理说是个卡通人物

121
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,894
这是真人 AI是什么鬼？

122
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,396
见鬼

123
00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:16,024
帕翠莎
你个疯婆子害我漏看了一个包

124
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:17,817
我得把这包放回去再过一次

125
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,236
怪我 我来吧 没事

126
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,031
这是谁的破包？

127
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,035
这包好臭

128
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,287
-快检查吧
-行

129
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,372
开始了

130
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,501
看看你在这里面装了什么垃圾

131
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,216
这相机有锂电池吗？

132
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,260
这么着吧？相机给你了

133
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,512
好吧 泰迪！

134
00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,682
-你喜欢拍照是吧？
-当然

135
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,934
就知道你喜欢 你个变态 给

136
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,855
你小子提前过圣诞了

137
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,441
你知道我很照顾朋友的

138
00:05:58,524 --> 00:05:59,692
谢谢

139
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,194
好了 给我拍几张

140
00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:03,863
再次重复 这是最后的登机广播…

141
00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:05,740
我来给你转一下镜头

142
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:08,159
把我拍得像索朗热哦

143
00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:10,912
-你很像她 很漂亮
-谢谢

144
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,666
-你真美
-我知道你喜欢什么 泰迪

145
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,377
能别他妈浪费时间了吗？

146
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:21,464
你说什么？

147
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:26,052
你对我有什么意见 女士？

148
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,970
你一直在针对我

149
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:31,891
把寻常安检搞成了地狱模式

150
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:33,726
你让我觉得…

151
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:37,438
觉得我要炸了

152
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,359
他有炸弹！

153
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,404
（突发新闻）

154
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,698
亚特兰大机场
成功制止了一起恐怖袭击

155
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:49,033
嫌疑人马克·威克…

156
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,451
（疑似恐袭阴谋被挫败）

157
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,078
…被机场安检人员拦下

158
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:55,498
随后在他的随身行李和直肠内
发现了多个爆炸装置

159
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:59,502
若非有英勇无畏的
资深安检员帕翠莎·芬奇

160
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:03,047
他可能已经得手了

161
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,633
首先 我要感谢耶稣基督

162
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,593
我愿为主奉献一切

163
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:08,845
我不信什么圣人

164
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,138
和那些乱七八糟的屁话

165
00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:12,682
身为在亚特兰大长大的白人小女孩

166
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,268
我一直很擅长分辨

167
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:18,312
谁是人渣

168
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,023
眉毛太浓密的 走开

169
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:24,152
眼睛没睁开的 再见

170
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,112
闻着臭哄哄的

171
00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:28,489
给老娘滚到灰狗巴士站去

172
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,324
机场不是你该来的地方 混蛋

173
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,617
好了 给我拍照吧

174
00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:33,453
嘿

175
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,871
看过来！

176
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,914
-搞这个有钱拿吗？
-没有

177
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,749
好吧 我没工夫在这儿耗了

178
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,710
好了 再见 各位

179
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,176
《思想很危险》

180
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,261
（倾听之力工作室）

181
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,641
你来了

182
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,018
我没迟到吧？

183
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,394
没有

184
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,856
来让我瞧瞧 好啊 帅极了 伙计

185
00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,858
你现在身材真健美

186
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:04,984
这夹克很衬你

187
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,612
你现在苗条又自信 可以开工了

188
00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:09,280
-谢谢
-对

189
00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,200
真有人找我拍戏吗？

190
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:15,328
千真万确

191
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,791
好吧 因为我得跟你说

192
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,335
我不想再拍《思想很危险》了

193
00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:25,254
我很感谢你给我这个机会 你懂的

194
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:29,425
但我不想再戴那些
奇怪的假体、假发了

195
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:34,430
我想让人们知道
我是认真演戏的 知道吗？

196
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,765
我想拍…

197
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:36,807
卡车

198
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,102
-什么？
-大卡车

199
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,479
十八轮的那种

200
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,607
你为什么总提卡车？

201
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,277
我也不知道为什么会说那个 你继续

202
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,905
好吧 我想说的是 我想拍长片电影

203
00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:53,950
对 所以我们才会来这里 兄弟

204
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:57,662
你等下会接到一个重要角色
那家伙可是被誉为

205
00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:59,580
亚洲的克里斯托弗·诺兰呢

206
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:04,043
也就是说这片子
绝对超级震撼 而且发人深省

207
00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:07,088
你这会儿就该激动得射裤子里了

208
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:10,174
我要你喷涌而出

209
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,133
好吧

210
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:14,303
挺着湿掉的裤裆走进去

211
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,682
腥臭扑鼻 像个青春期的怪胎一样

212
00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:18,766
汤姆？

213
00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,017
他们准备好了

214
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,565
这是聪明水

215
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,441
这些家伙很老道

216
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:29,986
嘿

217
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,905
你真的很有型

218
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,407
谢了 兄弟

219
00:09:35,199 --> 00:09:37,660
汤姆·塞古拉！

220
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,913
我的天！你好苗条啊 哥们儿

221
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,124
我要不是同性恋
都想直接在这儿上了你

222
00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:44,959
别被美甲骗了 我是女同

223
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,336
好啊 我喜欢女同

224
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,463
我常看女同的视频

225
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,382
汤姆 我想让你见一位

226
00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:54,885
我们倾听之力非常看重的人

227
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:58,306
这位是桥本吉先生

228
00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:01,142
这世上所剩无几的天才之一

229
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,227
你对他的作品肯定很熟悉吧

230
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:11,027
桥本先生创作了
史上销量最高的漫画作品

231
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,445
-太厉害了
-是啊

232
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:13,779
您好

233
00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,452
桥本先生说很荣幸见到你

234
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,495
谢谢

235
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,670
他还说你很搞笑 还是秃头

236
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,381
-是的
-他喜欢你的蓝眼睛

237
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,301
我一直就说他的眼睛很上镜

238
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:39,096
谢谢 您过奖了

239
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:42,933
好极了

240
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,935
好了 我们坐下说吧

241
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:45,895
好

242
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:49,607
汤姆 你一定很好奇
我们为什么叫你来吧

243
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:52,693
是啊 我们刚还在说
这次见面好神秘呢

244
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:55,029
很神秘 还很刺激

245
00:10:55,112 --> 00:10:58,824
好吧 我们也有同感

246
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,702
桥本先生的巨作

247
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,412
名叫“空哟呀柔”

248
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,789
-“空悠呀柔”
-对

249
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:05,998
“空悠呀柔”

250
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,708
琅琅上口

251
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:11,170
经过多年努力 我们现在终于

252
00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:14,924
要把他这部精彩绝伦的漫画作品

253
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:18,969
拍成一部大制作的实景真人长片了

254
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:21,180
太棒了 我喜欢长片电影

255
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,765
我可以作证

256
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:25,434
汤姆真的超爱长片

257
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,560
好了 淡定点

258
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:29,313
汤姆 我们之所以找你来

259
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,024
是因为桥本先生

260
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:36,404
要求让你来演主角

261
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,281
-真的吗？
-是啊

262
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,617
我们当时也是同样的反应

263
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:45,538
明明有那么多人可以选

264
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:48,582
有那么多电影明星 是吧？

265
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,752
可是不行 他明确表示

266
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,504
只想要你

267
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,382
我感觉我快射了

268
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,051
他是你的人了

269
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,386
我们在哪儿签字？

270
00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:04,515
我是说 我们很感兴趣

271
00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:05,641
对

272
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,644
真是太荣幸了 感谢您的青睐

273
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:12,606
听起来特别好
但能再多介绍些细节吗？

274
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,734
当然 没问题

275
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:17,027
我们来介绍一下整个项目 好的

276
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,156
请看

277
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,615
这是新东京城

278
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:27,246
后化学废土时代
人类文明的最后一方净土

279
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:30,958
然而边境危机四伏

280
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:35,629
反叛的半机械人正从四面八方逼近

281
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:39,175
但自暗影中出现了…

282
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,552
武士道！

283
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:46,432
是的 一名在流亡中炼就

284
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,434
于宿命中诞生的流浪武士

285
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,853
注定要铲除世间的邪恶

286
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:56,358
将人类从灭亡的边缘拯救出来

287
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,610
那就是你

288
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:01,864
哇

289
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,117
哎呀 我刚射了

290
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,619
我提醒过你们的

291
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:09,038
所以这是个铁血硬汉？

292
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:12,041
感觉都不怎么需要演呢

293
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,376
嘿 你收敛一点

294
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,797
其实 这个角色有点像一位隐士

295
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,049
对 他隐居在下水道里

296
00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:23,052
下水道里？

297
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:26,722
是的 他从城市废物中获取力量

298
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,141
然后用它来做好事

299
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,143
-对
-我就说吧 超级震撼

300
00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:34,563
有意思 电影叫什么名字来着？

301
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,524
-“空悠”…
-“空悠呀柔”

302
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,150
“空悠呀柔”

303
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:42,321
对 但是当然 我们会用译名

304
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:43,989
《猪奶屎怪》

305
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,451
《猪奶屎怪》

306
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:50,246
哇 振聋发聩

307
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,498
《猪奶屎怪》？

308
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:55,876
对 因为他长着猪奶

309
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,711
又是在屎坑里生活的怪物

310
00:13:57,795 --> 00:14:00,214
我们就玩了个文字游戏

311
00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,007
太酷了 我懂

312
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,717
异国情调 前卫大胆

313
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,427
我超爱的

314
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:07,471
就这？

315
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,765
你得为这个角色增重大约70…

316
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,433
照现在看 得要90多公斤

317
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,186
你得多长点肉

318
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,982
画面必须真实 不能电脑合成

319
00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:21,735
桥本先生一开始会注意到你

320
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:26,532
就是看了你在2014年
演的哈哈喜剧秀 《完全正常》

321
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,158
哈哈喜剧秀

322
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,535
很好笑

323
00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,203
谢谢观看

324
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:35,624
他只看了一眼你的脸就说：
“这是我的猪奶屎怪”

325
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,878
你活脱脱就是
他脑海中勾勒的那个形象

326
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:43,632
事实上
你最近瘦了这么多 他痛心疾首

327
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:47,678
就像胖妞阿黛尔瘦下来时一样心痛

328
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:52,016
是啊 减肥以后
维持身材很辛苦 不过…

329
00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,606
这事你有经验

330
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:02,693
只要胡吃海喝就好 你这小猪仔

331
00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:04,778
这是他说的 我只是翻译

332
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:08,574
那从他胸部流出来的是什么？

333
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,951
那些是乳头 流的是血

334
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:16,457
他通过杀戮来补充能量
所以他住在人流诊所下面

335
00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:20,377
他一次吃掉一个胎儿 对

336
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:24,298
吃完以后 排泄物就会喷出来

337
00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:25,549
从他的奶头喷出来

338
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:26,926
-乳头
-对

339
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,052
他的乳头 没错

340
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,012
当然了 合情合理

341
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,723
我已经给你把合同拟好了

342
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,892
所有细节都列了出来

343
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,021
只是这个…

344
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:42,483
我不知道 我好像有点不太理解

345
00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:44,652
好吧 也许这能帮助你理解

346
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,284
-这是…
-对 是午餐盒

347
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,744
这只是个样品

348
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:57,247
但想象一下这些乳头
一个喷牛奶 另一个喷水果酒

349
00:15:57,331 --> 00:16:00,084
还有燕麦奶
如果你家孩子乳糖不耐的话

350
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,962
我是奶头控 能让我捏捏它们吗？

351
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:04,254
捏吧 亲爱的

352
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,593
哇 手感好像真的奶头

353
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,512
-乳头
-乳头

354
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,389
胸毛很细节

355
00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:18,018
那个 我一下子有点接受不来

356
00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:21,981
信息量太大了 能不能给我们点时间…

357
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,941
好 你们抓紧商量一下

358
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:25,025
好的

359
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,277
你搞什么啊？

360
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,280
他就是做做样子

361
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:33,325
听着 我知道你为了减肥
付出了多大努力

362
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,452
我很佩服 但不管你喜不喜欢

363
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:38,747
你的标签就是个恶心的懒汉

364
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,582
这就是你的大众形象

365
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,669
这个项目就是你的《黑豹》

366
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:45,879
《肥豹》

367
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,426
诸位

368
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,345
虽然我很欣赏

369
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,597
你们说的大部分内容

370
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,852
但我实在难以想象如何演绎这个角色

371
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:04,189
我衷心祝愿
您能找到合意的人选 先生

372
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:06,567
但那个人不会是我

373
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:07,818
不干？

374
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:12,948
因为我能给你想到八十万

375
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,491
接演的理由

376
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:17,453
不是片酬的问题

377
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,749
很遗憾 这个角色不适合我

378
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:25,878
我在此恭敬地向您表示感谢
但很抱歉 我不能出演

379
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,304
一千四百万

380
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,602
看来还有回旋余地

381
00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:43,771
我勒个去

382
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:45,773
操

383
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,277
来吧！多来一点！

384
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:54,198
发出声音！猪叫！

385
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:58,452
你就是我的喜剧猪王！

386
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,748
喜剧猪王！

387
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:24,645
操

388
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:44,248
操

389
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:49,837
字幕翻译：覃璇