1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:04,008 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:09,085 --> 00:00:12,091 Colonel Quinn, I want to thank you for allowing me to 3 00:00:12,091 --> 00:00:14,062 use USAG Stroopsdorf 4 00:00:14,062 --> 00:00:16,634 to announce my candidacy for the Burgermeester. 5 00:00:16,634 --> 00:00:21,844 And you can thank me personally once you are the Burgermeester. 6 00:00:21,844 --> 00:00:24,315 [indistinct chatter] 7 00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:27,087 Do we know why she wants to announce her candidacy here? 8 00:00:27,087 --> 00:00:28,691 -It's pretty obvious. -What? 9 00:00:28,691 --> 00:00:30,695 What? Like, you know, like when a woman leaves an earring 10 00:00:30,695 --> 00:00:32,999 at a guy's apartment, this is her version of it. 11 00:00:32,999 --> 00:00:34,235 She needs to prance in here looking fine 12 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,404 in that pantsuit for me. 13 00:00:35,404 --> 00:00:37,842 What is it with you and pantsuits? 14 00:00:37,842 --> 00:00:41,149 Come on. They're monochrome, buttons in all the right places. 15 00:00:41,149 --> 00:00:42,553 They leave nothing in the imagination. 16 00:00:42,553 --> 00:00:46,292 Although I'm still using my imagination. 17 00:00:46,292 --> 00:00:49,733 Katja is not here to flirt with you, all right? 18 00:00:49,733 --> 00:00:51,570 She hasn't even talked to you in like three months. 19 00:00:51,570 --> 00:00:54,209 Maggie, you don't know women the way that I know women. 20 00:00:54,209 --> 00:00:56,513 [speaking in Dutch] 21 00:01:01,222 --> 00:01:02,792 -I don't know what she's saying. -It's just something about 22 00:01:02,792 --> 00:01:04,328 -about boy bands, maybe. -I don't. 23 00:01:04,328 --> 00:01:06,465 Unbelievable, you guys. Learn the language. 24 00:01:06,465 --> 00:01:08,537 Okay, she's saying. [inhales] 25 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,011 -I heard, I heard giraffe. -Oh, really? 26 00:01:12,011 --> 00:01:13,648 You heard? What would she be talking about? 27 00:01:13,648 --> 00:01:15,150 Jan? Can you translate? 28 00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:16,486 'Cause I don't wanna miss any compliments? 29 00:01:16,486 --> 00:01:18,456 -[speaking in Dutch] -[crowd exclaims] 30 00:01:19,859 --> 00:01:21,195 She said that she discovered that 31 00:01:21,195 --> 00:01:23,802 the colonel's closed the base's bowling alley... 32 00:01:23,802 --> 00:01:25,270 [speaking in Dutch] 33 00:01:25,270 --> 00:01:26,841 The bowling alley was the heartbeat 34 00:01:26,841 --> 00:01:28,511 of Stroopsdorf Village, 35 00:01:28,511 --> 00:01:31,416 and she vows to fight the American oppressors 36 00:01:31,416 --> 00:01:33,453 who introduced the sport to the villages, 37 00:01:33,453 --> 00:01:36,627 only to rip it away like heartless savages. 38 00:01:36,627 --> 00:01:38,598 -This is an ambush. -You know, don't worry about it. 39 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:41,102 -The people here love the base. -[speaking in Dutch] 40 00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,339 -[all] USA! USA! -See? 41 00:01:43,339 --> 00:01:45,477 Nah, your goose is cooked, ja. [chuckles] 42 00:01:45,477 --> 00:01:47,348 She just asked, "Who do you hate?" 43 00:01:47,348 --> 00:01:49,886 -Everyone hates you. -[all] USA! USA! 44 00:01:49,886 --> 00:01:52,157 [theme music] 45 00:02:11,095 --> 00:02:13,132 Hey, Katja. [chuckles] 46 00:02:13,132 --> 00:02:14,736 Listen, I know you're mad at me, 47 00:02:14,736 --> 00:02:17,743 and I know why because you need to hear 48 00:02:17,743 --> 00:02:21,182 a couple of words from me. 49 00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:27,996 I'm so very willing to take you back. 50 00:02:27,996 --> 00:02:30,502 Okay? So clean slate, start over. 51 00:02:30,502 --> 00:02:33,106 And can you just get up there now and call the dogs off? 52 00:02:33,106 --> 00:02:34,710 -All right? -Hmm. 53 00:02:34,710 --> 00:02:38,785 Your absolute non-apology is meaningless. 54 00:02:38,785 --> 00:02:41,991 You exploited our relationship and my trust. 55 00:02:41,991 --> 00:02:43,493 Why would I take you back? 56 00:02:43,493 --> 00:02:45,230 Because women do it all the time. 57 00:02:45,230 --> 00:02:47,201 -Normally with me. What? -Oh! Patrick. 58 00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:50,106 I have too much self-respect to be 59 00:02:50,106 --> 00:02:52,044 in a relationship with you again. 60 00:02:52,044 --> 00:02:54,884 But this pantsuit. 61 00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:56,152 -Yeah. -[chuckles] 62 00:02:56,152 --> 00:02:58,256 Yeah. This was for them, not for you. 63 00:03:01,362 --> 00:03:04,134 -Yeah. Okay, did you see that? -What? 64 00:03:04,134 --> 00:03:05,938 -Yeah. -Embarrassing. 65 00:03:05,938 --> 00:03:08,578 She's still so in love with me it's unbelievable. 66 00:03:08,578 --> 00:03:11,049 Yeah, it's certainly embarrassing. 67 00:03:11,049 --> 00:03:13,186 And did you catch the pantsuit? You know what I'm saying now? 68 00:03:13,186 --> 00:03:15,925 I mean, I hate to see 'em go, but I love to watch 'em leave. 69 00:03:15,925 --> 00:03:18,397 Okay, We've got to start creating boundaries. 70 00:03:18,397 --> 00:03:20,668 [instrumental music] 71 00:03:22,705 --> 00:03:24,743 Oh, my God, look at this Katja announcement. 72 00:03:24,743 --> 00:03:25,878 The comments are insane. 73 00:03:25,878 --> 00:03:27,414 Well, people are saying that the bowling alley 74 00:03:27,414 --> 00:03:28,984 was considered a sacred third space. 75 00:03:28,984 --> 00:03:30,521 -Yeah. -I mean, if I'd known that, 76 00:03:30,521 --> 00:03:32,592 I would have closed it a lot sooner. [chuckles] 77 00:03:32,592 --> 00:03:35,665 And that is why they call you the "Dwevil." 78 00:03:35,665 --> 00:03:37,468 You know what? I'm called the devil 79 00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:39,439 in six different languages?. I'm proud to add a seventh. 80 00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:43,581 Just a suggestion, but maybe you could consider 81 00:03:43,581 --> 00:03:46,620 focusing on de-escalating the situation. 82 00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:49,258 Honey, that's not a real thing. 83 00:03:49,258 --> 00:03:51,229 I know it's a word, but it's not a real thing. 84 00:03:51,229 --> 00:03:53,667 Words are words because they are things. 85 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,672 In the US military, we do not de-escalate. 86 00:03:55,672 --> 00:03:58,877 We escalate and escalate until we can't escalate anymore. 87 00:03:58,877 --> 00:04:01,784 Somebody wins, somebody loses. In this case, she lost. 88 00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:04,523 She lost something she'll never be able to get back again. 89 00:04:04,523 --> 00:04:06,159 That's what happened to her. 90 00:04:06,159 --> 00:04:07,662 -You? -Moi. 91 00:04:07,662 --> 00:04:09,064 That's why she's lashing out. 92 00:04:09,064 --> 00:04:10,167 That's why I have to escalate 93 00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:11,536 before she escalates. 94 00:04:12,806 --> 00:04:16,212 Ah-ah. Did you see that? 95 00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:17,414 Escalation. 96 00:04:17,414 --> 00:04:18,684 [tense music] 97 00:04:19,820 --> 00:04:22,759 I love how Maggie decorated this place. 98 00:04:22,759 --> 00:04:24,495 You know what? I don't know if it's the runner's high 99 00:04:24,495 --> 00:04:27,067 but let's split a croissant. 100 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,606 What? A carby, messy breakfast. 101 00:04:29,606 --> 00:04:31,576 I don't recognize my own husband. 102 00:04:33,914 --> 00:04:34,983 [both sigh] 103 00:04:36,787 --> 00:04:38,323 Is everything okay? 104 00:04:38,323 --> 00:04:40,595 Yes and no. Um... 105 00:04:40,595 --> 00:04:42,131 There's something I need to talk to you about. 106 00:04:42,131 --> 00:04:44,067 When we were separated, 107 00:04:44,067 --> 00:04:46,506 I made what, uh, in hindsight 108 00:04:46,506 --> 00:04:50,046 were some, uh, questionable financial decisions 109 00:04:50,046 --> 00:04:52,117 'cause I was in a lot of pain. 110 00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:54,923 -Like how much pain? -I bought a boat with Terrance. 111 00:04:54,923 --> 00:04:56,459 The guy you dated for like three months. 112 00:04:56,459 --> 00:04:58,664 -Yeah. -Okay, but you don't even sail. 113 00:04:58,664 --> 00:05:02,404 I don't. I was just, uh, using it for recreational activities. 114 00:05:02,404 --> 00:05:04,208 Like water skiing? 115 00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:09,251 Like recreational activities on a boat. 116 00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:10,822 Oh, my God. A sex boat. 117 00:05:10,822 --> 00:05:13,460 -I was in a bad place, okay? -You think? 118 00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:15,197 I was in a weird time in my life. 119 00:05:15,197 --> 00:05:17,001 -Yeah. -I, uh, watched a lot of 120 00:05:17,001 --> 00:05:18,904 Is it Cake? on the dark web. 121 00:05:18,904 --> 00:05:23,681 And when it's not cake, yeah, really wish it were cake. 122 00:05:23,681 --> 00:05:25,249 Okay, so what's the interest rate? 123 00:05:25,249 --> 00:05:27,789 -Four... 40. -Four... 40 percent? 124 00:05:27,789 --> 00:05:30,862 -This is my problem, my debt, -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 125 00:05:30,862 --> 00:05:33,534 -and I'm gonna handle it. -No, no, no, no, no, no. 126 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,139 If we're gonna make it work, we have to be a team this time. 127 00:05:36,139 --> 00:05:37,508 -Okay? -Okay. 128 00:05:37,508 --> 00:05:38,610 We're gonna pay it off together ASAP. 129 00:05:38,610 --> 00:05:40,815 Wow, you really are the best. 130 00:05:40,815 --> 00:05:42,685 -You are the best. -And I can make 131 00:05:42,685 --> 00:05:44,923 smarter money choices, like this coffee 132 00:05:44,923 --> 00:05:47,328 I don't need fancy expensive coffees. 133 00:05:47,328 --> 00:05:50,333 -I'm gonna try matcha. -Right now? 134 00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:52,070 -[clatters] -Hey! 135 00:05:52,070 --> 00:05:55,010 Oh, hey, Conway, you got any one of those hustles going on? 136 00:05:55,010 --> 00:05:57,915 Provided it's completely legal, count me possibly in. 137 00:05:57,915 --> 00:05:59,484 Look, I just don't work with friends. 138 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:03,527 -So... Good luck though. -Yo, Shah! 139 00:06:03,527 --> 00:06:05,999 I couldn't help but overhear about your money troubles 140 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,635 with your wife's sex boat. 141 00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:09,405 Okay, corporal, can everyone please stop saying "sex boat"? 142 00:06:09,405 --> 00:06:12,679 Pleasure cruise, bang raft, rub and tugboat. 143 00:06:12,679 --> 00:06:14,583 One more and you're in the stockade. 144 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,151 Well, you're lucky I only had those. 145 00:06:16,151 --> 00:06:17,522 Look, I've always wanted to do 146 00:06:17,522 --> 00:06:18,690 one of Conway's schemes. 147 00:06:18,690 --> 00:06:20,561 Guess what? We don't need her. 148 00:06:20,561 --> 00:06:21,830 I know one of her contacts. 149 00:06:21,830 --> 00:06:23,734 His name starts with a B or something. 150 00:06:23,734 --> 00:06:25,203 Either way, he's a transport pilot. 151 00:06:25,203 --> 00:06:27,107 Dude will hook me up at cost. 152 00:06:27,107 --> 00:06:28,544 No import fees or taxes. 153 00:06:28,544 --> 00:06:30,446 I am talking wine, watches, 154 00:06:30,446 --> 00:06:33,052 sneakers, salamis. Set up a meeting if you want. 155 00:06:33,052 --> 00:06:35,624 They had a lot of different matchas, so I got one of each. 156 00:06:36,292 --> 00:06:38,263 [chuckles] 157 00:06:38,263 --> 00:06:39,264 Let's set up that meeting. 158 00:06:39,264 --> 00:06:40,802 -Okay? -Mm-hm. 159 00:06:40,802 --> 00:06:42,639 What are you doing? You're just getting too close. 160 00:06:42,639 --> 00:06:44,341 Haven't you ever tailed a kid before? 161 00:06:44,341 --> 00:06:45,745 -No. -He's definitely 162 00:06:45,745 --> 00:06:47,314 a child soldier. Look at the unpredictable path 163 00:06:47,314 --> 00:06:48,918 -he's taking. -That's called skipping. 164 00:06:48,918 --> 00:06:51,824 No, it's called him being on a recon mission. 165 00:06:51,824 --> 00:06:54,563 Damn, what do you do...? What the hell is this? 166 00:06:54,563 --> 00:06:57,368 That's the town farmers market, must have really expanded. 167 00:06:57,368 --> 00:06:59,739 What are you doing on US property, huh? 168 00:06:59,739 --> 00:07:02,311 -We use the bathrooms over here. -Oh, great, great. 169 00:07:02,311 --> 00:07:03,747 So you hate us, but you come over here 170 00:07:03,747 --> 00:07:05,518 to use our bathrooms. Let me tell you something. 171 00:07:05,518 --> 00:07:07,454 America didn't become the number one country 172 00:07:07,454 --> 00:07:09,458 in the history of countries just so you 173 00:07:09,458 --> 00:07:11,162 can go number two wherever you want? 174 00:07:11,162 --> 00:07:14,503 America's only number one in obesity and healthcare costs. 175 00:07:14,503 --> 00:07:16,405 Hey? And roller coasters. 176 00:07:16,405 --> 00:07:17,542 -Yeah. -And roller coasters. 177 00:07:17,542 --> 00:07:18,978 So get the hell out of here. 178 00:07:18,978 --> 00:07:20,581 Back in through the hole, tell your friends 179 00:07:20,581 --> 00:07:23,053 they come near this hole, I'm gonna shoot 'em. 180 00:07:23,053 --> 00:07:24,522 [instrumental music] 181 00:07:26,459 --> 00:07:28,429 Yeah, that's right, kid. I'm the devil. 182 00:07:28,429 --> 00:07:30,868 Go tell your parents. 183 00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:34,174 All right, what do we got? Watches, purses, salamis? 184 00:07:34,174 --> 00:07:35,243 Even better. 185 00:07:37,481 --> 00:07:38,684 Lobsters. 186 00:07:38,684 --> 00:07:40,721 -What? -Bougie, right? 187 00:07:42,057 --> 00:07:44,361 What are you doing? You never mentioned live animals. 188 00:07:44,361 --> 00:07:47,535 Okay, when lobsters die, they're worthless. 189 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:48,838 What are we gonna do now? 190 00:07:48,838 --> 00:07:50,575 Well, step number one, we're gonna 191 00:07:50,575 --> 00:07:52,411 -relax, okay? -We're gonna relax? 192 00:07:52,411 --> 00:07:53,647 -We're gonna be fine. -We're gonna be fine. 193 00:07:53,647 --> 00:07:55,383 Selling these lobsters is gonna be 194 00:07:55,383 --> 00:07:57,320 as easy as selling lobsters... 195 00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,326 -as to, to, to, to a... -to a... 196 00:08:00,326 --> 00:08:01,730 -To a, I don't know. -Yeah. 197 00:08:01,730 --> 00:08:03,700 Man. I don't know who to sell them to. 198 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,505 I don't know how to sell them. Okay? This could be easier. 199 00:08:05,505 --> 00:08:06,940 It could be very, very hard, I don't even know 200 00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:08,143 -how to cook the things. -Okay. 201 00:08:08,143 --> 00:08:08,977 -All right? -Okay. 202 00:08:08,977 --> 00:08:10,413 I don't know what I'm doing, man. 203 00:08:10,413 --> 00:08:11,816 -I'm wailing over here. -Okay. 204 00:08:11,816 --> 00:08:13,821 Listen, as a reasonable person 205 00:08:13,821 --> 00:08:15,524 who's grounded in reality. 206 00:08:15,524 --> 00:08:16,793 -That's what we need right now. -Yep. 207 00:08:16,793 --> 00:08:19,465 -I am spinning. -And I am out. 208 00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:21,737 No. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, man, 209 00:08:21,737 --> 00:08:24,609 I don't get your half, that guy's breaking my legs. 210 00:08:24,609 --> 00:08:26,245 He's not gonna break your legs. 211 00:08:26,245 --> 00:08:28,116 [dramatic music] 212 00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:29,719 He's definitely gonna break your legs. 213 00:08:29,719 --> 00:08:32,157 You're the logistics genius. 214 00:08:32,157 --> 00:08:33,560 Okay, okay. 215 00:08:34,729 --> 00:08:37,401 Lobsters, lobster fest. 216 00:08:37,401 --> 00:08:40,106 Red lobster, rock, lobster, surf and turf. 217 00:08:40,106 --> 00:08:42,879 Market price. Market price. Farmers market. That's it. 218 00:08:42,879 --> 00:08:44,783 We can sell them at the farmers market, the base. 219 00:08:44,783 --> 00:08:47,187 -Oh! [laughs] -We can unload them today! 220 00:08:47,187 --> 00:08:48,924 -Ugh! -Dude, I don't know 221 00:08:48,924 --> 00:08:50,661 why you're worrying so much, man! 222 00:08:50,661 --> 00:08:52,565 -Okay, I'm a genius. Here we go. -You're a genius. 223 00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:54,068 Here's my half of the lobster money. 224 00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:55,838 Emergency meeting in the conference room right now. 225 00:08:55,838 --> 00:08:59,746 That God forsaken farmers market has got to go. 226 00:08:59,746 --> 00:09:01,281 You legally committed. 227 00:09:01,281 --> 00:09:03,119 You already touched a lobster. 228 00:09:05,324 --> 00:09:07,461 You know, they call us names, they treat us like the enemy, 229 00:09:07,461 --> 00:09:08,830 but then they want to come over here 230 00:09:08,830 --> 00:09:10,768 and use our quilted American toilet paper? 231 00:09:10,768 --> 00:09:12,805 -I don't think so. -Well, in reality, 232 00:09:12,805 --> 00:09:14,474 they're probably just using our bidets. 233 00:09:14,474 --> 00:09:15,578 You're telling me they come over here 234 00:09:15,578 --> 00:09:16,980 to wash their asses? 235 00:09:19,586 --> 00:09:21,155 You got to be kidding me. 236 00:09:21,155 --> 00:09:23,627 They want an enemy. They got an enemy now. 237 00:09:23,627 --> 00:09:26,900 But it is just a farmers market. 238 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,335 -Yeah. -Where you can buy, 239 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,739 I don't know, vegetables, fruit, 240 00:09:29,739 --> 00:09:31,910 and very fresh, reasonably priced seafood. 241 00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:33,279 Anybody else craving a lobster roll? 242 00:09:33,279 --> 00:09:35,016 Yeah, me, I am. 243 00:09:35,016 --> 00:09:36,654 Does Katja really think we're just gonna stand here 244 00:09:36,654 --> 00:09:38,790 -and take this crap? -I mean, we could. 245 00:09:38,790 --> 00:09:40,928 No, no, no. You know what this means, right? 246 00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:43,466 Well, it means that we could come 247 00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:44,636 to a mutually agreed upon solution 248 00:09:44,636 --> 00:09:45,905 with our international partners. 249 00:09:45,905 --> 00:09:47,340 -[Abraham] That's-- -What a team! 250 00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:48,711 Father and daughter at it again. 251 00:09:48,711 --> 00:09:51,516 -What a team. Quinn! Quinn! -Or, or... 252 00:09:51,516 --> 00:09:54,656 or just playing dwevil's advocate, 253 00:09:54,656 --> 00:09:56,559 we can go to war. 254 00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:58,564 So I think... 255 00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:00,166 -War. -War. 256 00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:01,669 -Yeah. -War. 257 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:04,040 Prepare for war. 258 00:10:05,109 --> 00:10:06,747 [upbeat music] 259 00:10:06,747 --> 00:10:08,884 [indistinct chatter] 260 00:10:10,921 --> 00:10:13,927 You can move past war right into the realm of war crime. 261 00:10:13,927 --> 00:10:15,263 What are you talkin' about? 262 00:10:15,263 --> 00:10:17,367 This is very important smokescreen training 263 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,603 that we do every year. 264 00:10:18,603 --> 00:10:21,777 Private Someone, unleash hell. 265 00:10:21,777 --> 00:10:24,014 It's not tear gas or anything. Just a little smoke. 266 00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,885 It barely burns. 267 00:10:25,885 --> 00:10:27,922 And you know, it's a very important exercise. 268 00:10:27,922 --> 00:10:30,226 But once it's up in the air and the wind they cover, 269 00:10:30,226 --> 00:10:32,331 there's nothing I can really do about it. 270 00:10:32,331 --> 00:10:33,633 [gunshot] 271 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,036 [all screaming] 272 00:10:38,476 --> 00:10:41,482 And that is how you escalate. 273 00:10:41,482 --> 00:10:44,120 -[gunshot] -[all screaming] 274 00:10:47,394 --> 00:10:50,166 Oh, yeah, fire another one. 275 00:10:52,672 --> 00:10:53,306 Hello. 276 00:10:53,507 --> 00:10:55,277 I am going to be speaking in English 277 00:10:55,277 --> 00:10:58,249 in a way that the Americans will understand. 278 00:10:58,249 --> 00:11:04,228 So the people of Stroopsdorf are, like, really, like, united. 279 00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:10,239 And we are literally declaring an embargo on the base, y'all. 280 00:11:10,239 --> 00:11:13,312 Our town will no longer sell fruit, 281 00:11:13,312 --> 00:11:16,418 produce, meat, milk or eggs to the base. 282 00:11:16,418 --> 00:11:20,260 All you will be left with is your American slop. 283 00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:25,537 So eat up, you partially hydrogenated little piggies. 284 00:11:25,537 --> 00:11:29,011 Are you excited? I'm obsessed. 285 00:11:29,011 --> 00:11:32,117 So she just said, "eat up, your American piggies." 286 00:11:32,117 --> 00:11:34,254 -I understand English, Jan. -Well, good. Good. 287 00:11:34,254 --> 00:11:37,126 Then you understand how bad this is. 288 00:11:37,126 --> 00:11:39,733 It's okay. We're equipped for this. 289 00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,101 [instrumental music] 290 00:11:42,872 --> 00:11:44,743 We are not equipped for this. 291 00:11:44,743 --> 00:11:46,579 I have gotten these soldiers used 292 00:11:46,579 --> 00:11:48,349 to a Michelin star level of dining, 293 00:11:48,349 --> 00:11:50,654 and now the chefs refuse to cook their dishes 294 00:11:50,654 --> 00:11:53,293 without the finest, freshest ingredients. 295 00:11:53,293 --> 00:11:55,263 So I have no choice. 296 00:11:55,263 --> 00:11:56,600 We're serving MREs. 297 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,169 It's Ceviche Saturday, 298 00:11:58,169 --> 00:12:02,912 and now I'm eating Southwest Surprise chunks. 299 00:12:02,912 --> 00:12:05,249 Surprise, the chunks are sharp. 300 00:12:05,249 --> 00:12:08,155 -[retching] -I need another vomit bucket. 301 00:12:08,155 --> 00:12:12,832 Okay, uh, now will you let me de-escalate to this? 302 00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:15,170 Listen, I also know Katja personally, 303 00:12:15,170 --> 00:12:17,875 and I feel like I can make some real headway 304 00:12:17,875 --> 00:12:20,113 if I come to her on a human level, 305 00:12:20,113 --> 00:12:21,917 which obviously you're not able to do 306 00:12:21,917 --> 00:12:23,754 -because you are inhuman. -Thank you. 307 00:12:23,754 --> 00:12:25,658 I studied this in college, okay? 308 00:12:25,658 --> 00:12:27,595 So I'd like to put it into practice. 309 00:12:27,595 --> 00:12:30,500 The problem with these soldiers is they're not tough enough. 310 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,737 -That's the real issue. -Mmm. 311 00:12:31,737 --> 00:12:32,771 Thank you. 312 00:12:32,771 --> 00:12:34,307 [splattering] 313 00:12:35,644 --> 00:12:38,617 But you are tough enough, right? 314 00:12:38,617 --> 00:12:40,119 Oh, yeah, this is stuff 315 00:12:40,119 --> 00:12:42,858 that soldiers are supposed to be eating, MREs. 316 00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:46,933 [suspenseful music] 317 00:12:48,704 --> 00:12:50,907 [retching] 318 00:12:50,907 --> 00:12:52,243 -Go talk to her. -Okay, yeah. 319 00:12:52,243 --> 00:12:53,780 Oh, my God. 320 00:12:53,780 --> 00:12:55,183 Yeah, that's the worst thing I've ever had. 321 00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:56,419 -Okay. Thank you. -At least get her 322 00:12:56,419 --> 00:12:57,688 to let some hot sauce in. 323 00:12:57,688 --> 00:12:59,925 Oh, my God. 324 00:12:59,925 --> 00:13:01,228 [Abraham] pH balance looks good. 325 00:13:01,228 --> 00:13:02,865 Now we just got to keep these babies alive 326 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,602 until that river cruise ship docks on Cologne 327 00:13:04,602 --> 00:13:05,671 for the weekend. 328 00:13:05,671 --> 00:13:06,939 Old people love a soft meat. 329 00:13:06,939 --> 00:13:08,176 Now, historically, I'm not great 330 00:13:08,176 --> 00:13:09,746 at keeping secrets, but this time, 331 00:13:09,746 --> 00:13:11,081 I am going to do it. 332 00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:12,618 Okay, well, what about your new roommate? 333 00:13:12,618 --> 00:13:14,321 He's struggling. Yeah. 334 00:13:14,321 --> 00:13:16,025 Ever since he transferred from Baumholder. 335 00:13:16,025 --> 00:13:18,129 I can tell from reading his journal, it's all... 336 00:13:18,129 --> 00:13:19,632 "I don't think Papadakis likes me. 337 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,935 I don't think Papadakis respects me. 338 00:13:20,935 --> 00:13:22,170 I think Papadakis is reading my diary." 339 00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:23,473 -It's worrying. -No, no, no, no. 340 00:13:23,473 --> 00:13:25,242 I meant can we trust him? 341 00:13:25,242 --> 00:13:26,478 Probably not. 342 00:13:26,478 --> 00:13:30,353 -Oh, hey, uh, Specialist Gideon. -Here he is. 343 00:13:30,353 --> 00:13:33,059 Keeping live animals in the barracks is against the rules. 344 00:13:33,059 --> 00:13:35,130 Oh, my God. This guy's such a narc. 345 00:13:35,130 --> 00:13:37,935 Okay, nobody's narc. Nobody's a narc. 346 00:13:37,935 --> 00:13:40,741 -Oh, no, I'm a narc. -Okay, don't need to prove it. 347 00:13:40,741 --> 00:13:42,611 Um, how are we gonna make this okay? 348 00:13:42,611 --> 00:13:44,114 What do you need? 349 00:13:45,316 --> 00:13:46,553 I want a lobster. 350 00:13:46,553 --> 00:13:48,356 Okay. Okay. Like to eat? 351 00:13:48,356 --> 00:13:50,928 What? No, to raise. 352 00:13:50,928 --> 00:13:54,267 -Let's get him a lobster. -Fine. 353 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,570 Take Darren. 354 00:13:55,570 --> 00:13:58,009 [upbeat music] 355 00:13:58,009 --> 00:14:00,479 -You'll never be his real dad. -Don't say that. 356 00:14:00,479 --> 00:14:02,316 I should have let that guy break your legs. 357 00:14:02,316 --> 00:14:05,289 [upbeat music] 358 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,365 Katja. Hi. 359 00:14:09,365 --> 00:14:13,507 Uh, I'm here to negotiate a truce with you. 360 00:14:13,507 --> 00:14:16,244 But you know, we could get to the bottom of this, as ladies. 361 00:14:16,244 --> 00:14:18,784 -As a couple of ladies? -Yeah. 362 00:14:18,784 --> 00:14:22,090 We cannot let our marginalization as women 363 00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:25,898 be weaponized in the interest of the American empire. 364 00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:28,035 Be that as it may, I know neither of us 365 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:30,172 wants this whole thing to get ugly. 366 00:14:30,172 --> 00:14:32,911 And we also know how crazy my dad can get. 367 00:14:32,911 --> 00:14:34,882 I mean, he thought you sent like, 368 00:14:34,882 --> 00:14:37,420 a child soldier to the base the other day. 369 00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:39,859 -I did. -Sorry, what? 370 00:14:39,859 --> 00:14:42,865 Well, he was my tool to provoke a response. 371 00:14:42,865 --> 00:14:46,572 Your father acting the villain made me the hero. 372 00:14:46,572 --> 00:14:51,248 A-are you saying that your goal was to escalate the situation? 373 00:14:52,116 --> 00:14:54,354 Of course. What else is there? 374 00:14:54,354 --> 00:14:56,559 Wow, you guys were really perfect together. 375 00:14:56,559 --> 00:14:59,933 -No, he is the enemy. -No, see that-that's the thing. 376 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,201 We're not the enemy. 377 00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:03,640 I mean, between us non marginalized ladies, 378 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,211 the base really brings more value to the community 379 00:15:06,211 --> 00:15:08,282 than it even does to the US military. 380 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:12,323 So in other words, it's useless? 381 00:15:12,323 --> 00:15:13,694 Well... 382 00:15:13,694 --> 00:15:14,763 Uh, uh... 383 00:15:14,763 --> 00:15:16,999 [laughter] 384 00:15:21,743 --> 00:15:23,112 Why are we laughing? 385 00:15:23,112 --> 00:15:24,582 Because I had somebody 386 00:15:24,582 --> 00:15:26,084 from the local government 387 00:15:26,084 --> 00:15:27,755 look at the original agreement 388 00:15:27,755 --> 00:15:31,328 between the US government and the town of Stroopsdorf, 389 00:15:31,328 --> 00:15:33,933 and he found something in the small print 390 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,407 and it says if the base is rendered useless, 391 00:15:37,407 --> 00:15:40,012 it shall be returned to the Dutch people. 392 00:15:40,012 --> 00:15:42,819 Well, actually, jokes that you have to explain 393 00:15:42,819 --> 00:15:44,589 are not that funny. 394 00:15:44,589 --> 00:15:48,196 We are not going to stop at the farmers market. 395 00:15:48,196 --> 00:15:51,435 We're going to take back the whole base. 396 00:15:51,435 --> 00:15:52,839 Well, I... 397 00:15:52,839 --> 00:15:54,340 [instrumental music] 398 00:15:57,413 --> 00:15:59,953 You're telling me Katja wants to take back the base? 399 00:15:59,953 --> 00:16:02,591 Yes, I know. But I am going to fix it. 400 00:16:02,591 --> 00:16:03,927 I've got a lot of ideas. 401 00:16:03,927 --> 00:16:05,664 Oh, you have a lot of ideas how to keep me 402 00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:09,204 from becoming the first US military leader 403 00:16:09,204 --> 00:16:11,609 in history to lose land in Europe. 404 00:16:11,609 --> 00:16:12,644 That's what you're telling me? 405 00:16:12,644 --> 00:16:14,248 Your diplomacy thing is done. 406 00:16:14,248 --> 00:16:15,416 You know what's happening? 407 00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:17,019 They're moving the farmers market 408 00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:19,190 to the town square, we are gonna storm it 409 00:16:19,190 --> 00:16:20,393 and get our goods back, okay? 410 00:16:20,393 --> 00:16:21,829 So what I need from you right now 411 00:16:21,829 --> 00:16:23,667 is not ideas. I need four tanks. 412 00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:25,771 [instrumental music] 413 00:16:25,771 --> 00:16:28,142 [Dana knocks] Open up, I know you're hiding shellfish 414 00:16:28,142 --> 00:16:32,016 in there. Oh-ho-ho. 415 00:16:32,016 --> 00:16:35,123 So you tried to pull a con without Conway? 416 00:16:35,123 --> 00:16:37,327 This is the most amateur lobster smuggling 417 00:16:37,327 --> 00:16:40,033 I've ever seen. I expected more from you, Shah. 418 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,669 Yeah, so did I. I'm surprising myself. 419 00:16:41,669 --> 00:16:44,174 I just wanted a fresh start for Celeste and I, 420 00:16:44,174 --> 00:16:47,615 and I figured if I can move these lobsters, 421 00:16:47,615 --> 00:16:49,251 -we have a chance. -Wow! 422 00:16:49,251 --> 00:16:50,787 We are not in this for the same reasons. 423 00:16:50,787 --> 00:16:52,356 Of course I'll help you, Shah. 424 00:16:52,356 --> 00:16:54,160 For 50 percent of the profits. 425 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:55,564 -Wait, 50 percent? -50 percent? 426 00:16:55,564 --> 00:16:57,334 -I could have gotten money? -Of course. 427 00:16:57,334 --> 00:16:59,071 I'm the only one who can fix this. 428 00:16:59,071 --> 00:17:01,141 You have all the power when you have the ear 429 00:17:01,141 --> 00:17:02,277 of the person in power. 430 00:17:02,277 --> 00:17:04,648 [instrumental music] 431 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:07,253 Why aren't you out solving this farmers market crisis? 432 00:17:07,253 --> 00:17:09,191 It involves all the things you love. 433 00:17:09,191 --> 00:17:12,430 Communication, soft power, fresh honey. 434 00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:15,804 True, honey never goes bad. 435 00:17:15,804 --> 00:17:19,144 But you know I've already tried and failed at making peace, 436 00:17:19,144 --> 00:17:22,183 and my dad trusted me to do it my way, 437 00:17:22,183 --> 00:17:24,989 and now he is never gonna trust me again. 438 00:17:24,989 --> 00:17:27,093 Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. 439 00:17:27,093 --> 00:17:28,930 No one's good at anything their first time. 440 00:17:28,930 --> 00:17:30,534 Especially my high school girlfriend. 441 00:17:30,534 --> 00:17:32,838 I mean you would think because we have the same parts 442 00:17:32,838 --> 00:17:35,009 that it wouldn't feel like she was looking for her keys 443 00:17:35,009 --> 00:17:38,248 at the bottom of her purse, but it did. 444 00:17:38,248 --> 00:17:39,952 Well, that break up was ugly. 445 00:17:39,952 --> 00:17:42,256 -Like Katja and my dad. -Mm. 446 00:17:44,629 --> 00:17:46,298 I need to get them to really talk. 447 00:17:46,298 --> 00:17:48,803 -I should call my ex. -I've been trying to solve 448 00:17:48,803 --> 00:17:50,306 the wrong problem the whole time. 449 00:17:50,306 --> 00:17:52,210 I mean, she has to be better at it by now, right? 450 00:17:52,210 --> 00:17:54,749 -Right. -Right. 451 00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:55,784 -Well, anyways... -Yeah. 452 00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:56,986 You get out there and you let 453 00:17:56,986 --> 00:17:58,422 your diplomat flag fly. 454 00:17:58,422 --> 00:18:00,694 -Thank you. Yes, okay. -Right, yeah, come on. 455 00:18:00,694 --> 00:18:01,930 Get this. 456 00:18:01,930 --> 00:18:03,733 [instrumental music] 457 00:18:05,069 --> 00:18:07,273 [sighs] Katya, a moment. 458 00:18:07,273 --> 00:18:10,313 You know they sell blow dryers on every street corner. 459 00:18:10,313 --> 00:18:14,087 Okay, you know, shutting down the base hurts you, 460 00:18:14,087 --> 00:18:15,524 this embargo hurts you, 461 00:18:15,524 --> 00:18:18,295 and moving forward with the fine print 462 00:18:18,295 --> 00:18:20,165 is mutually-assured destruction. 463 00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:22,370 Well, sometimes you need to be broken down 464 00:18:22,370 --> 00:18:26,245 -to be built back up like... -Like my father in the bedroom. 465 00:18:26,245 --> 00:18:30,553 Yeah, I got it. These are your whole numbers. Okay? 466 00:18:30,553 --> 00:18:32,858 You see, the people aren't really blaming my dad 467 00:18:32,858 --> 00:18:35,931 for closing the farmers market. They're blaming you. 468 00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:38,168 You need to talk to me. 469 00:18:38,168 --> 00:18:40,206 Well, not me exactly. [clears throat] 470 00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:43,045 Okay, I will not eat Indian food. 471 00:18:43,045 --> 00:18:44,948 Too much curry, not enough ketchup. 472 00:18:44,948 --> 00:18:47,754 Dad, sit, I brought the ketchup. 473 00:18:49,390 --> 00:18:52,565 There is not a problem between the base and the town. 474 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,333 There is a problem between the two of you. 475 00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:56,405 And we are not leaving this table 476 00:18:56,405 --> 00:18:59,377 until you two figure out how to get over this breakup 477 00:18:59,377 --> 00:19:01,481 without causing an international incident. 478 00:19:04,922 --> 00:19:06,358 And if you don't start talking, 479 00:19:06,358 --> 00:19:10,567 I will have to escalate with the king of heartbreak, 480 00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:11,670 Phil Collins. 481 00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:13,607 -Play, "Take a Look at Me Now." -No, no. 482 00:19:13,607 --> 00:19:14,942 -Ooh, no, no, no. -No, no, no, no, please. 483 00:19:14,942 --> 00:19:16,879 -We'll talk. -We'll talk. 484 00:19:16,879 --> 00:19:18,983 [dramatic music] 485 00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:22,223 I did wear the pantsuit for you. 486 00:19:24,228 --> 00:19:25,864 [speaking in Dutch] 487 00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:27,835 She says she's proud to announce 488 00:19:27,835 --> 00:19:29,004 that the farmers market 489 00:19:29,004 --> 00:19:31,040 and the base came to a resolution. 490 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:32,578 They will give land to the town, 491 00:19:32,578 --> 00:19:34,748 and the town will give new land to the base. 492 00:19:34,748 --> 00:19:37,287 And now, rather than standing on borrowed ground, 493 00:19:37,287 --> 00:19:39,758 we once again stand on Dutch soil. 494 00:19:39,758 --> 00:19:42,463 Whoo! How joyous. Okay, I'm gonna get a smoothie. 495 00:19:42,463 --> 00:19:44,535 And thank you, Colonel Quinn. 496 00:19:44,535 --> 00:19:47,406 And I ask you all to please support my candidacy 497 00:19:47,406 --> 00:19:49,511 for Burgermeester. 498 00:19:49,511 --> 00:19:52,217 [Maggie] So is this good for us? 499 00:19:52,217 --> 00:19:54,656 But I think Katja is gonna win in a landslide. 500 00:19:54,656 --> 00:19:57,326 Ooh! How do you like the new territory? 501 00:19:57,326 --> 00:20:00,199 First American military leader to gain land in Europe 502 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,937 and give some back too. But the press release 503 00:20:01,937 --> 00:20:03,105 won't get that far. 504 00:20:03,105 --> 00:20:05,175 I mean, listen, we got a plum tree, 505 00:20:05,175 --> 00:20:07,447 and they got a little piece of land 506 00:20:07,447 --> 00:20:09,651 with a broken sewage system 'cause I flushed 507 00:20:09,651 --> 00:20:12,791 a bunch of our MREs down their toilets. Couldn't resist. 508 00:20:12,791 --> 00:20:15,496 It's basically like southwestern cement. 509 00:20:15,496 --> 00:20:17,934 And I got to say, you know what? You really would make 510 00:20:17,934 --> 00:20:19,304 -a great politician. -Really? 511 00:20:19,304 --> 00:20:20,640 [Patrick] Well, yeah, you're really good 512 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:21,909 at dealing with difficult people 513 00:20:21,909 --> 00:20:24,113 like Katja, you know? 514 00:20:24,113 --> 00:20:27,353 Yeah. Well, I have to admit there really was something 515 00:20:27,353 --> 00:20:30,861 to the whole, uh, escalation thing after all. 516 00:20:30,861 --> 00:20:33,966 Oh, God, that-that Phil Collins thing was just brutal. 517 00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:35,169 -Those are so good. -Really? 518 00:20:35,169 --> 00:20:38,309 -Mm-hmm. Plums! -Laundry, cheese, plums. 519 00:20:38,309 --> 00:20:39,711 I like the sound of it. 520 00:20:42,183 --> 00:20:43,786 [upbeat music] 521 00:20:44,856 --> 00:20:48,629 -Two lobsters, please. -Right away. You got it. 522 00:20:48,629 --> 00:20:50,867 -There you go. -Thank you. 523 00:20:50,867 --> 00:20:52,170 -Very welcome. -Aww. 524 00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:53,874 I love kids when they have money. 525 00:20:53,874 --> 00:20:56,779 So do you keep getting back together with Celeste 526 00:20:56,779 --> 00:20:58,148 because she's a fun mess 527 00:20:58,148 --> 00:21:00,419 -you like to clean up? -No. 528 00:21:01,823 --> 00:21:03,492 Maybe. I don't know. 529 00:21:03,492 --> 00:21:04,996 The codependency is the strongest form 530 00:21:04,996 --> 00:21:06,833 of a relationship. That's how we work, okay? 531 00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:10,874 She makes things interesting, and I like to feel needed. 532 00:21:10,874 --> 00:21:14,447 Okay, well, at least the cadence sounded healthy. 533 00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:17,320 Yo, soon as I figure out the exchange rate, 534 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,592 -we might be rich. -Oh! 535 00:21:19,592 --> 00:21:21,195 And we just sold our last 20 lobsters. 536 00:21:21,195 --> 00:21:23,232 -Yes! -Oh, yeah! 537 00:21:23,232 --> 00:21:25,269 [cheering] 538 00:21:25,269 --> 00:21:27,708 Hi! Party at our house 539 00:21:27,708 --> 00:21:30,681 to celebrate all the money we made. 540 00:21:30,681 --> 00:21:32,918 'Cause I just bought 20 lobsters. 541 00:21:32,918 --> 00:21:34,187 [chuckles] 542 00:21:34,187 --> 00:21:35,624 [instrumental music] 543 00:21:35,624 --> 00:21:37,794 [children] It's going so well.