1
00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:03,373
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:06,012 --> 00:00:07,948
[sighs]
3
00:00:07,949 --> 00:00:09,183
Is this towel taken?
4
00:00:09,184 --> 00:00:10,788
- I was saving it for you.
- Oh.
5
00:00:10,789 --> 00:00:13,158
[chuckles] You know,
we really should have taken
6
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a holiday like this
a long time ago.
7
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Yeah.
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00:00:16,332 --> 00:00:18,268
Well, this is the best
you've ever looked.
9
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:19,606
I gave you a little BBL.
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00:00:19,706 --> 00:00:21,977
I like my mermaids
with some whale tail.
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What the hell is going on here?
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I said to bag the sand,
not play in it like children.
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These are
just the leftovers, okay?
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We ran out of sandbags.
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[Maggie] After filling up
every single one,
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by the way,
which felt like overkill.
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It's not overkill, okay?
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There's a biblical storm
coming.
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A once-in-a-lifetime storm, supposedly.
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Like a great man once said,
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"One day a rain may come
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and wash all the scum
from these streets."
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Did you just call Travis Bickle
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from Taxi Driver
a great man?
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Travis was a Vietnam veteran,
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and he knew the value of
firearms and physical fitness.
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[thunder rumbles]
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Storm's coming.
Get back to work, Papadakis.
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I prefer Mermadakis.
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I'm not about
to call you Mer...
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Stop looking at me.
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[theme music]
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Hey, the NATO base in Mons
has flooded
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because of the storm,
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and I told General Martin
that she and her troops
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can come here,
and we will put them up.
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Oh, Euro hottie,
slumber party.
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- Ooh!
- It's not a real slumber party.
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And I don't care
if their hotties or busted.
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- Thank you, Conway.
- Ooh, you got it.
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What's happening?
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The Colonel and I
have been doing
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a generational
cultural exchange.
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I taught him "busted,"
and he taught me about
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something called
Creedence Clearwater Revival.
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Very good, Conway. Yeah.
The troops are on their way.
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I want you guys to be aware
of the fact
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you're gonna have
to share quarters, okay?
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And Sergeant Conway is
in charge of the accommodation,
50
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so she will assign everybody.
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00:02:03,547 --> 00:02:05,316
Does General Martin have
any special requests?
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Uh, I think General Martin
is all set.
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- [laughs] Okay.
- [Patrick] Sorry, what?
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I don't know
what's going on here.
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Sounds like
your Canadian girlfriend's
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trying to move in with you.
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No! No, that's not what I said.
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That's how it starts.
"Come over, I got central AC."
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Next thing you know, you sign
in her name to the lease.
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Yeah, I don't know
what you're talking about.
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Trust me, sooner or later,
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General Martin's gonna be
wearing her night guard to bed
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and letting her panties dry
in the shower.
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[all laugh]
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That's not...
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Not gonna be happening, okay?
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I just hope that you're ready
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to give up
your side of the bed.
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My side of the bed is
the whole bed, okay?
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There's no two sides.
It's my side.
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- Got it.
- Interesting fact.
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- Interesting?
- We believe you, sir.
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I'm your superior officer.
You're not allowed to mock me.
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[all laugh]
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[instrumental music]
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[knocking on door]
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Hi.
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00:03:03,232 --> 00:03:04,702
Um...
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00:03:06,607 --> 00:03:09,244
You know, things have been
so busy since yesterday
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when we, uh...
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- Kissed?
- Kissed. Yeah.
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- That kiss was amazing.
- [Maggie] It was.
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It was something
out of a movie.
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Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
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- The best kiss of my life, so...
- Yeah, me, too.
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00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:20,667
But we also thought, like,
maybe you were gonna die.
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- Yeah, I'm gonna die.
- So...
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I guess there's only one way
to find out.
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Yeah.
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Hmm.
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00:03:33,995 --> 00:03:35,296
Um...
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That wasn't quite...
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...as good.
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- 'Cause I remembered it.
- Remembered it.
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- Yeah.
- Yeah.
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00:03:40,541 --> 00:03:41,777
- It's me. It's me.
- Okay.
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Okay, you know how,
like, some people find
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sneaking around really,
like, sexy?
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- Yeah.
- Yeah.
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00:03:45,818 --> 00:03:47,320
Well, you know what
I found really sexy?
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00:03:47,321 --> 00:03:48,657
- What? Okay.
- Following the rules.
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And I think that's
what's happening here.
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- I understand, um...
- Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
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- But we wanna do this.
- But we wanna do this.
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- Okay.
- Yes, we gotta do this.
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- Just...
- Yeah, just, um...
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- Work our way up to it.
- Work our way up to it.
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[chuckles]
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- [knocking on door]
- Um, come on in.
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Everything is normal in here.
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The door is not closed
for any reason at all.
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We are good here.
How are you?
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[instrumental music]
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Okay, I'm not gonna say
it's a good thing
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that there's a flood.
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'Cause thoughts and prayers to
the tulip farmers, obviously.
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But it's not a bad thing
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that I'm gonna get more
FaceTime with General Martin.
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Yeah.
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I hope she's not thinking that
this is gonna be
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some kind of a step
for the relationship.
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- You know, like step forward.
- Hmm.
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'Cause I'm not really...
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I don't want to take a step
in any direction.
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Yeah, you gotta accept
that it's a step.
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00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:36,886
- Really?
- Yeah.
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'Cause our relationship is,
like, so sexy and fun.
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Those are the two things
we're built on.
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- And scotch a-and innuendo.
- Right.
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Four things.
Those are like...
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That's our foundation.
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Is just, like, drinking
and messing around.
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You know what I mean?
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Like, I don't think,
even with an act of God,
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that that would change.
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Have you ever considered that
137
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maybe God wants you two
to be together?
138
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Okay, you know
I have Catholic stuff.
139
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,671
That's creepy, for you
to use that against me.
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00:05:02,672 --> 00:05:05,376
[Martin] Just bring him
into my temporary office.
141
00:05:05,377 --> 00:05:07,514
[sighs]
We made it.
142
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,317
Now, get me
out of these damp clothes
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and pour me a scotch.
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Hurry.
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00:05:12,191 --> 00:05:14,562
- [snorts]
- Ugh.
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00:05:14,563 --> 00:05:16,566
- See? Sexy and fun.
- Okay.
147
00:05:16,667 --> 00:05:18,302
You know,
sometimes you just forget
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00:05:18,303 --> 00:05:19,404
that you're my dad.
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Who's Catholic now?
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[instrumental music]
151
00:05:27,689 --> 00:05:29,457
Captain,
since I'm still aidless,
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I was hoping
you could step into the role
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while I'm on base.
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00:05:32,164 --> 00:05:33,198
[laughs] Yeah.
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00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,436
- Hm.
- Yes, ma'am.
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Man, I am not hating this flood.
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[scoffs]
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But thoughts and prayers
to the tulip farmers.
159
00:05:41,282 --> 00:05:42,851
Mm. I hate tulips. Captain.
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00:05:42,852 --> 00:05:44,788
I just saw
a soldier in pajamas.
161
00:05:44,789 --> 00:05:47,160
I told them
pajama night was can-can...
162
00:05:47,161 --> 00:05:47,995
Can never happen.
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00:05:47,996 --> 00:05:49,932
What's next?
Charades and s'mores?
164
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,003
- [chuckles]
- [Jan] Snack time, everyone.
165
00:05:52,004 --> 00:05:54,173
Some welcoming snacks
for our lovely guest.
166
00:05:54,174 --> 00:05:57,113
We got chocolate marshmallows
and Graham Crackers.
167
00:05:57,114 --> 00:05:58,014
But I wasn't sure,
168
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do you put ranch dressing
on this or not?
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00:06:00,286 --> 00:06:01,489
I can never really get
170
00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:03,125
when you guys like
ranch dressing on food
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00:06:03,126 --> 00:06:04,562
and when you don't.
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00:06:04,563 --> 00:06:07,635
[instrumental music]
173
00:06:09,740 --> 00:06:12,811
So I guess we proved you can
put maple syrup on anything.
174
00:06:12,812 --> 00:06:14,581
- [chuckles]
- Pretty much, right?
175
00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:17,521
Having a Canadian roommate
isn't so bad, is it?
176
00:06:17,522 --> 00:06:20,527
- [chuckles]
- Oh.
177
00:06:20,528 --> 00:06:21,963
Sorry, I thought
we were calling it.
178
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:23,500
- We can call it.
- Okay.
179
00:06:23,501 --> 00:06:25,035
- Yeah, let's call it.
- Okay.
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00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,641
If I don't use this thing,
I gnaw through my own jaw.
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00:06:27,642 --> 00:06:29,980
Yeah, yeah, got it.
182
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,381
Not a problem.
183
00:06:31,382 --> 00:06:33,218
I mean,
you gotta do what you...
184
00:06:33,219 --> 00:06:34,956
[snores]
185
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,901
[snoring]
186
00:06:42,237 --> 00:06:43,941
Oh, my God.
187
00:06:46,647 --> 00:06:48,683
[instrumental music]
188
00:06:48,684 --> 00:06:51,054
It's Saturday.
What do you want to do today?
189
00:06:51,055 --> 00:06:52,123
[chuckles]
190
00:06:52,124 --> 00:06:53,458
Saturdays, I, um,
191
00:06:53,459 --> 00:06:55,664
I have to sharpen
my hunting knives,
192
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:56,799
and it takes a long time.
193
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,503
I've gotta be really
super focused,
194
00:06:58,504 --> 00:06:59,738
so I have to
be kinda by myself.
195
00:06:59,739 --> 00:07:01,308
But what are you gonna do?
196
00:07:01,309 --> 00:07:03,445
I was gonna watch
some human cockfighting.
197
00:07:03,446 --> 00:07:05,215
Okay.
198
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,186
You what?
199
00:07:07,187 --> 00:07:08,421
Human cockfighting.
200
00:07:08,422 --> 00:07:09,959
Where?
201
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,095
[grunts]
202
00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:13,733
- [laughs]
- Oh, wow.
203
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,035
This is a fun Saturday.
204
00:07:15,036 --> 00:07:16,839
What'd you think we were
gonna do together?
205
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:18,309
Go to IKEA?
206
00:07:18,310 --> 00:07:20,446
[crowd clamoring]
207
00:07:20,447 --> 00:07:22,450
- [Martin laughs]
- Oh, man!
208
00:07:24,221 --> 00:07:26,626
Do we have any, like,
softer one of these weapons?
209
00:07:26,627 --> 00:07:28,429
I just, I was,
I was led to believe that
210
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:30,199
that this wouldn't hurt
in any way.
211
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,171
And like, I-I guess
we're just missing nap time.
212
00:07:33,172 --> 00:07:37,982
How did that rather zaftig
fellow get into the army?
213
00:07:37,983 --> 00:07:42,122
Oh, well, Corporal Papadakis
has many extraordinary talents.
214
00:07:42,123 --> 00:07:42,992
[thuds]
215
00:07:43,092 --> 00:07:46,098
And hand-on-hand combat
is not one of them.
216
00:07:46,198 --> 00:07:47,267
[snoring]
217
00:07:48,504 --> 00:07:50,974
But at least
he's getting his nap time.
218
00:07:50,975 --> 00:07:52,611
Fight!
219
00:07:52,612 --> 00:07:53,947
Fifty euros
if you don't hit me.
220
00:07:53,948 --> 00:07:57,119
- [grunts]
- Fine, a hundred euros.
221
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,290
It's so great having
real soldiers on the base.
222
00:07:59,291 --> 00:08:00,761
You know what I mean?
It's just...
223
00:08:00,762 --> 00:08:02,597
I haven't seen one pair
of open toed shoes.
224
00:08:02,598 --> 00:08:05,102
[chuckles] But our guys
are getting pummeled.
225
00:08:05,103 --> 00:08:07,473
Okay, we got ourselves
a negotiator.
226
00:08:07,474 --> 00:08:09,377
Fake Louis Vuitton luggage set.
227
00:08:09,378 --> 00:08:10,847
Hm? [grunts] Oh, God.
228
00:08:10,848 --> 00:08:12,851
You have interesting friends.
229
00:08:12,852 --> 00:08:16,659
Well, they have
unconventional skills. Yeah.
230
00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:18,763
What about you?
231
00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:22,204
- Are you interesting?
- Oh, I am uninteresting.
232
00:08:22,304 --> 00:08:23,606
- Good.
- Yeah.
233
00:08:23,607 --> 00:08:25,610
'Cause after debacle
with my last aide
234
00:08:25,611 --> 00:08:27,748
smoking something called
Afghani train wreck,
235
00:08:27,749 --> 00:08:30,386
I need somebody
totally by the book.
236
00:08:30,387 --> 00:08:33,124
- You got it.
- Oh, wow.
237
00:08:33,125 --> 00:08:34,261
By the book.
238
00:08:36,065 --> 00:08:38,201
[gasps]
Oh, okay. Fine.
239
00:08:38,202 --> 00:08:41,141
Real Louis Vuitton luggage set,
but that's my final offer.
240
00:08:42,812 --> 00:08:44,080
So was it good for you?
241
00:08:44,081 --> 00:08:46,017
[chuckles] Hey, listen,
all joking aside,
242
00:08:46,018 --> 00:08:48,122
was it true what you said
about that private's mom?
243
00:08:48,123 --> 00:08:50,459
Oh, he sure cried
like it was true.
244
00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:52,030
[chuckles] He did.
245
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:56,071
I sure got hit
in the head a lot.
246
00:08:56,072 --> 00:08:59,712
Yeah. But you always got
right back up.
247
00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:03,720
I sure got hit
in the head a lot.
248
00:09:03,721 --> 00:09:06,124
- Is he gonna be okay, you think?
- I don't know.
249
00:09:06,125 --> 00:09:07,928
General Martin said
we can't go to the medic
250
00:09:08,029 --> 00:09:10,634
unless we wanna
be diagnosed as weak.
251
00:09:10,635 --> 00:09:12,871
Your dad with General Martin
equals disaster.
252
00:09:12,872 --> 00:09:16,144
Okay. Lo-look,
it's only for a few more days,
253
00:09:16,145 --> 00:09:18,850
so I don't know,
try to make friends tonight.
254
00:09:18,851 --> 00:09:20,119
Don't have sex with them.
255
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,423
Or do. I don't know.
I'm not your mom.
256
00:09:22,424 --> 00:09:23,994
What?
257
00:09:24,896 --> 00:09:26,866
So, uh, do you guys do that
258
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:29,905
stick fighty thing every day?
259
00:09:29,906 --> 00:09:32,611
No. Sundays, it's paintball.
260
00:09:32,612 --> 00:09:34,848
General Martin designed
her own guns.
261
00:09:34,849 --> 00:09:37,286
They are very powerful.
262
00:09:37,287 --> 00:09:39,390
Looks like it.
263
00:09:39,391 --> 00:09:41,929
We have got to get our hands
on those paintball guns.
264
00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:46,204
I sure got hit
in the head a lot.
265
00:09:46,205 --> 00:09:49,144
[men grunting]
266
00:09:54,989 --> 00:09:58,128
[upbeat music]
267
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:01,135
[pen clatters]
268
00:10:07,314 --> 00:10:08,650
[chuckles]
269
00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:18,570
[Dana] We need to steal
those paintball guns
270
00:10:18,571 --> 00:10:19,738
before tomorrow.
271
00:10:19,739 --> 00:10:20,974
'Cause unless General Martin
272
00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:22,376
made those paintball guns
shoot mimosas,
273
00:10:22,377 --> 00:10:24,848
I am not letting that demon
ruin my Sunday too.
274
00:10:24,849 --> 00:10:28,022
Because General Martin's idea
of fun is torture.
275
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:35,236
Oh. I didn't find guns, but...
276
00:10:35,237 --> 00:10:38,609
I think I might have found
something else.
277
00:10:38,610 --> 00:10:39,911
Great.
278
00:10:39,912 --> 00:10:42,049
All I found are these
candy jawbreakers.
279
00:10:42,050 --> 00:10:43,586
Papadakis,
that's this not candy.
280
00:10:43,587 --> 00:10:45,456
Those are paintballs.
281
00:10:45,457 --> 00:10:47,862
[groans]
282
00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:51,502
[grunts]
283
00:10:51,503 --> 00:10:52,771
- Hey.
- Hey.
284
00:10:52,772 --> 00:10:54,173
- [Patrick] What's going on?
- Nothing.
285
00:10:54,174 --> 00:10:56,378
I was just, uh, watching
a YouTube compilation
286
00:10:56,379 --> 00:10:58,616
with Martin of, uh,
old people falling down.
287
00:10:58,617 --> 00:10:59,752
[Shah] Hm.
288
00:10:59,753 --> 00:11:01,989
And when they fall in water,
we drink, pretty drunk.
289
00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:03,960
So, gonna grab some scotch.
290
00:11:03,961 --> 00:11:05,129
Wait, are the old people hurt?
291
00:11:05,230 --> 00:11:07,033
Uh, not the ones
who fall in the water.
292
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,803
You know,
as long as they can swim,
293
00:11:08,804 --> 00:11:10,540
which a lot of them can't.
294
00:11:10,541 --> 00:11:12,142
Anyways, I realized something.
295
00:11:12,143 --> 00:11:14,413
It's pretty cool, man.
I'm liking having her around.
296
00:11:14,414 --> 00:11:15,650
Yeah?
297
00:11:15,651 --> 00:11:17,086
Turns out,
when you like somebody
298
00:11:17,087 --> 00:11:18,990
the way I like her,
and you take that little step,
299
00:11:18,991 --> 00:11:20,258
it could be a good thing.
300
00:11:20,259 --> 00:11:23,432
And I came to that conclusion
on my own.
301
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:26,505
I didn't need therapy like that
family court judge said I did.
302
00:11:26,506 --> 00:11:27,541
- [Shah chuckles]
- Right?
303
00:11:27,542 --> 00:11:29,210
Yeah, I guess, uh...
304
00:11:30,714 --> 00:11:32,016
Sometimes you got
to take a risk.
305
00:11:32,017 --> 00:11:34,320
Unless you're an old person
on an escalator.
306
00:11:34,321 --> 00:11:37,059
Yeah, then you just wanna
take the stairs.
307
00:11:37,060 --> 00:11:38,295
- Huh.
- [Shah] Okay.
308
00:11:38,296 --> 00:11:40,165
- How you doing?
- [Shah] Thanks for asking.
309
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:41,869
Yeah, actually, you know, when
you have these things swirling--
310
00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:43,205
Yeah, I gotta...
311
00:11:43,206 --> 00:11:44,708
- She's waiting on me.
- [Shah] Oh, yeah, yeah.
312
00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:45,943
Yeah. No, no.
Yeah, yeah.
313
00:11:45,944 --> 00:11:47,079
You gotta get back
to watching old people.
314
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,516
- All right, pal.
- All right, see ya.
315
00:11:48,517 --> 00:11:49,584
- No problem.
- Okay.
316
00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:50,920
If you get bored,
you can come over.
317
00:11:50,921 --> 00:11:52,724
I'm not gonna do that.
318
00:11:52,725 --> 00:11:55,396
[instrumental music]
319
00:11:55,397 --> 00:11:58,201
The key to disciplining soldiers
isn't the yelling.
320
00:11:58,202 --> 00:12:00,238
It's the silence
between the yelling.
321
00:12:00,239 --> 00:12:02,076
Huh.
'Cause I just do the opposite.
322
00:12:02,077 --> 00:12:03,879
I just, like, I rant for, like,
323
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,716
you know, a solid block,
like six, seven minutes,
324
00:12:05,717 --> 00:12:07,019
and then I throw something.
325
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,388
Ooh, what's your favorite thing
to throw?
326
00:12:08,389 --> 00:12:09,958
- Like a chair.
- Hmm.
327
00:12:09,959 --> 00:12:11,261
You know,
like Bobby Knight style.
328
00:12:11,262 --> 00:12:13,432
You know, everybody,
gets their attention.
329
00:12:13,534 --> 00:12:16,772
This is interesting, though,
comparing notes. I like this.
330
00:12:16,773 --> 00:12:18,743
It's hard to be mean
in a vacuum.
331
00:12:18,744 --> 00:12:19,779
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
332
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:20,813
[knocking on door]
333
00:12:20,814 --> 00:12:22,584
Who the hell is that?
334
00:12:22,585 --> 00:12:23,853
[knocking on door]
335
00:12:23,854 --> 00:12:25,390
Who is it? What-what...
336
00:12:25,490 --> 00:12:26,491
Hey.
337
00:12:27,895 --> 00:12:30,398
- Where's General Martin?
- [Martin] Who is it?
338
00:12:30,399 --> 00:12:31,434
Um...
339
00:12:31,435 --> 00:12:35,877
It's, uh, personal friend
seeking guidance over.
340
00:12:35,878 --> 00:12:37,379
I got my girlfriend pregnant,
341
00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:39,184
and she's in love
with her best friend,
342
00:12:39,185 --> 00:12:40,653
and they're gonna raise
a kid together.
343
00:12:40,654 --> 00:12:42,323
I'll-I'll get it, hon.
344
00:12:42,324 --> 00:12:44,861
[whispering] Listen, I found
blueprints of the base
345
00:12:44,862 --> 00:12:46,666
in General Martin's office.
346
00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:48,569
I also ate paint.
347
00:12:48,570 --> 00:12:49,972
So, what's the big deal?
348
00:12:49,973 --> 00:12:51,676
Maybe-maybe she was gonna
get it framed for me,
349
00:12:51,776 --> 00:12:53,178
like as a gift or something.
350
00:12:53,179 --> 00:12:54,782
These are
the exact blueprints that
351
00:12:54,783 --> 00:12:56,284
Gideon was tricked
into stealing.
352
00:12:56,285 --> 00:12:57,921
We never found out
who was behind that.
353
00:12:57,922 --> 00:12:59,324
- Hm.
- Maybe it was Martin.
354
00:12:59,424 --> 00:13:02,496
There's also plans for
a remodel of the base.
355
00:13:02,497 --> 00:13:04,167
[paper rustling]
356
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,741
Yeah, I think
I know what's going on.
357
00:13:07,742 --> 00:13:09,043
Totally get what you're saying.
358
00:13:09,044 --> 00:13:11,347
It's women tearing down
women time, isn't it?
359
00:13:11,348 --> 00:13:13,384
Did you guys learn nothing
from that Human Resources video
360
00:13:13,385 --> 00:13:15,356
I had you watch with
the animated bears?
361
00:13:15,357 --> 00:13:17,259
'Cause it was all about
that kind of stuff.
362
00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:19,096
Sir, your girlfriend is not
being straight with you.
363
00:13:19,097 --> 00:13:20,399
She's not my girlfriend.
364
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,071
- She is your girlfriend.
- No, she is not.
365
00:13:23,072 --> 00:13:24,841
All right, you know what?
Look at the bright side.
366
00:13:24,842 --> 00:13:26,177
You know, two moms means
367
00:13:26,178 --> 00:13:28,081
less responsibility for you,
Papadakis.
368
00:13:28,082 --> 00:13:29,951
You know what? We'll talk
about it more tomorrow.
369
00:13:29,952 --> 00:13:31,087
- Get out.
- I was making that up.
370
00:13:31,088 --> 00:13:32,557
- [grunts]
- I was making that up.
371
00:13:32,558 --> 00:13:34,294
[clamoring]
372
00:13:39,739 --> 00:13:41,074
[knocking on door]
373
00:13:43,045 --> 00:13:45,416
- [exhales] Hey.
- Hi.
374
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:49,090
Okay, wait.
Hey, hey, wait.
375
00:13:49,091 --> 00:13:50,226
- We gotta talk.
- No, no.
376
00:13:50,326 --> 00:13:52,062
Did a lot of talking.
No more talking.
377
00:13:52,063 --> 00:13:53,600
- Okay.
- [door shuts]
378
00:13:55,604 --> 00:13:58,241
[clears throat]
Hey.
379
00:13:58,242 --> 00:14:00,881
What do you think?
You think we should...
380
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:04,019
remodel the DFAC?
381
00:14:04,020 --> 00:14:05,624
No, I think it's fine.
382
00:14:06,993 --> 00:14:08,394
Yeah, me too.
383
00:14:08,395 --> 00:14:11,100
I mean, the only way a remodel
would make sense is
384
00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:13,137
if you were gonna double
the number of troops.
385
00:14:13,138 --> 00:14:14,975
Then you'd bash out
the back wall,
386
00:14:14,976 --> 00:14:16,310
you'd switch out
the round tables
387
00:14:16,311 --> 00:14:18,281
for bench seating
and expand the kitchen.
388
00:14:18,282 --> 00:14:21,187
But that's just off
the top of my head.
389
00:14:21,188 --> 00:14:24,828
- Right.
- How's the book?
390
00:14:24,829 --> 00:14:26,030
- It's good.
- [Martin] Hm.
391
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:28,167
Just getting to the, uh,
392
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:29,604
section on Pearl Harbor.
393
00:14:29,605 --> 00:14:33,278
Politics aside, you gotta
respect a surprise attack.
394
00:14:35,183 --> 00:14:36,586
Yeah.
395
00:14:39,123 --> 00:14:41,996
[Davidson] You've got me
in my office on a Sunday.
396
00:14:41,997 --> 00:14:43,231
It better be World War III.
397
00:14:43,232 --> 00:14:44,935
I think if
it was World War III, sir,
398
00:14:45,035 --> 00:14:46,271
you'd already be
in your bunker.
399
00:14:46,272 --> 00:14:49,176
Is General Martin
taking over my base?
400
00:14:49,177 --> 00:14:50,747
What? No.
No, no, no, no, no.
401
00:14:50,748 --> 00:14:52,316
The U.S. Army is giving it away.
402
00:14:52,317 --> 00:14:54,020
You're just giving
bases away now?
403
00:14:54,021 --> 00:14:55,222
What are you...
That's nuts.
404
00:14:55,223 --> 00:14:56,726
No wonder
you've never seen combat.
405
00:14:56,727 --> 00:14:58,729
When the fighting starts, I
guess you just, what, surrender?
406
00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:01,434
NATO has made a massive
weapons deal with the army,
407
00:15:01,435 --> 00:15:04,173
and General Martin wants
a, you know,
408
00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:06,011
a training base in the region.
409
00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:09,216
So since Baumholder is
a base of value,
410
00:15:09,217 --> 00:15:11,454
I convinced our superiors
to throw in Stroopsdorf.
411
00:15:11,455 --> 00:15:14,561
You know, like free perfume
with purchase.
412
00:15:14,562 --> 00:15:17,499
You know, your whole obsession
with humiliating me
413
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:21,273
is now reaching
a really creepy fetishy area.
414
00:15:21,274 --> 00:15:24,948
I'm not the one who invited
your girlfriend to move in!
415
00:15:24,949 --> 00:15:27,787
That, you did on your own.
416
00:15:27,788 --> 00:15:31,327
And now she is your boss.
417
00:15:31,328 --> 00:15:33,231
- [sighs]
- [Davidson laughs]
418
00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:35,435
Oh, see, I wanted to capture
that exact moment
419
00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:37,006
so that it will pop up
on my screensaver
420
00:15:37,007 --> 00:15:38,208
from time to time.
421
00:15:38,209 --> 00:15:39,945
Of course,
because you need something
422
00:15:39,946 --> 00:15:41,480
to replace the pictures
of all the kids
423
00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:42,717
you never see anymore.
424
00:15:42,718 --> 00:15:44,588
- Oh, well, look who's talking.
- You know what, sir?
425
00:15:44,589 --> 00:15:46,190
I'm not gonna let you
get away with this.
426
00:15:46,191 --> 00:15:49,129
Uh, too late.
The wheels are already turning.
427
00:15:49,130 --> 00:15:52,537
Oh, and if you try to block it,
you will be crushed.
428
00:15:52,538 --> 00:15:55,743
Oh, see, um,
your eyes were closed.
429
00:15:55,744 --> 00:15:56,912
So let's try this again.
430
00:15:56,913 --> 00:15:58,014
How does it feel
431
00:15:58,015 --> 00:15:59,952
to be the only American
432
00:15:59,953 --> 00:16:01,254
to lose a battle with Canada?
433
00:16:01,255 --> 00:16:02,991
- [camera clicks]
- [laughs]
434
00:16:02,992 --> 00:16:05,395
Oh, see, now,
that, that's a keeper.
435
00:16:05,396 --> 00:16:07,466
You know what, sir? This should
give you fair warning.
436
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,236
You might want to get
that bunker ready.
437
00:16:09,237 --> 00:16:11,842
I'm about to start
World War III.
438
00:16:11,843 --> 00:16:13,344
[instrumental music]
439
00:16:13,345 --> 00:16:15,482
- [Maggie moans]
- There it is.
440
00:16:15,483 --> 00:16:18,856
Yeah, that-that's
what we were looking for.
441
00:16:18,857 --> 00:16:20,158
Yeah.
442
00:16:20,159 --> 00:16:22,864
And I think I know
why we found it.
443
00:16:22,865 --> 00:16:24,133
- You do?
- Mm-hmm.
444
00:16:24,134 --> 00:16:29,076
Because I took a job
with General Martin.
445
00:16:29,077 --> 00:16:30,947
She called me and
offered me a position
446
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:33,118
as her permanent aide at NATO.
447
00:16:33,119 --> 00:16:34,721
Which, you know,
comes with a move,
448
00:16:34,722 --> 00:16:39,732
but also comes with
a promotion to major...
449
00:16:41,536 --> 00:16:44,942
which means I'm not
in your chain of command.
450
00:16:44,943 --> 00:16:47,246
- And we can do this.
- Yeah.
451
00:16:48,082 --> 00:16:50,118
- [Shah exhales]
- Yeah.
452
00:16:50,119 --> 00:16:51,454
Wow. I...
453
00:16:51,455 --> 00:16:55,228
didn't, uh, realize
that when I, uh,
454
00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:57,601
submitted my retirement
paperwork last night.
455
00:16:58,904 --> 00:16:59,938
What?
456
00:16:59,939 --> 00:17:01,575
[chuckles] Yeah, I...
457
00:17:01,576 --> 00:17:04,046
I mean, sometimes
you gotta take a risk, right?
458
00:17:04,047 --> 00:17:05,916
I mean...
459
00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:09,090
I mean, this is crazy.
Isn't it funny that we like...
460
00:17:09,091 --> 00:17:10,893
Gift of the Magi to each other?
461
00:17:10,894 --> 00:17:12,864
That is crazy.
462
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,467
We're so on the same page.
463
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:16,438
[kisses]
464
00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:19,410
Actually, we're not.
465
00:17:19,411 --> 00:17:20,680
We're not?
466
00:17:21,850 --> 00:17:23,451
Well, no. [chuckles]
467
00:17:23,452 --> 00:17:26,091
Look, I-I accepted a new job,
like 30 minutes away.
468
00:17:26,191 --> 00:17:29,031
- Uh-huh.
- You quit your job.
469
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:31,802
You gave up your whole career.
470
00:17:31,803 --> 00:17:33,371
Twenty years of service
471
00:17:33,372 --> 00:17:35,976
for a girl you haven't even
been on a date with.
472
00:17:35,977 --> 00:17:37,479
Uh...
473
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,317
You're welcome.
474
00:17:40,053 --> 00:17:42,758
- Okay.
- Okay.
475
00:17:42,759 --> 00:17:45,529
Look, I've failed
476
00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:48,335
at every relationship
that I've ever been in.
477
00:17:48,336 --> 00:17:50,071
- Right?
- Uh-huh.
478
00:17:50,072 --> 00:17:51,875
And you, well... [chuckles]
479
00:17:51,876 --> 00:17:54,615
You literally
just got a divorce.
480
00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:56,751
Probably should have
talked about this first.
481
00:17:56,752 --> 00:17:59,022
[Shah] Yeah, we probably
should have, but... I mean,
482
00:17:59,023 --> 00:18:00,225
I've been thinking about it,
483
00:18:00,226 --> 00:18:02,597
and I've been thinking about us
a lot.
484
00:18:02,598 --> 00:18:04,400
I actually see
a future for us, okay?
485
00:18:04,401 --> 00:18:07,974
I see like, the house, the
family, wireless plan, kids.
486
00:18:07,975 --> 00:18:09,009
- Kids?
- [Shah] Yeah.
487
00:18:09,010 --> 00:18:10,245
Would we talk about that?
488
00:18:10,246 --> 00:18:11,549
Or would you surprise me
with some?
489
00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:13,251
I'm not gonna surprise you
with kids.
490
00:18:13,252 --> 00:18:14,253
That's not how that works, okay?
491
00:18:14,254 --> 00:18:15,556
I have to go. I do.
492
00:18:15,557 --> 00:18:17,259
I, um, I'm helping
General Martin
493
00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:18,395
prep her schedule.
494
00:18:18,396 --> 00:18:19,631
Okay, as soon as I find my bra.
495
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,166
Okay, you don't need
to do this, okay?
496
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:22,436
You don't need to run away.
497
00:18:22,437 --> 00:18:23,606
Don't be like the colonel, okay?
498
00:18:23,706 --> 00:18:25,242
You don't need to avoid
emotional conversations.
499
00:18:25,243 --> 00:18:26,477
We can talk through this.
500
00:18:26,478 --> 00:18:29,150
I am nothing like my dad.
501
00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:30,686
[grunts]
502
00:18:30,687 --> 00:18:32,256
Don't do this.
Don't just walk away.
503
00:18:32,257 --> 00:18:33,392
Let's talk about it.
504
00:18:33,492 --> 00:18:34,828
What do you wanna
talk about, huh?
505
00:18:34,829 --> 00:18:37,366
How to fit my Christmas tree
up the chimney, huh?
506
00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:38,769
I'm sorry you found out
this way.
507
00:18:38,770 --> 00:18:40,673
I wasn't supposed to say
anything till it was official.
508
00:18:40,674 --> 00:18:43,244
Oh, really? I've told you plenty
of official secrets, okay?
509
00:18:43,245 --> 00:18:44,647
Like the fact that we have
a sound cannon
510
00:18:44,648 --> 00:18:46,552
that makes people
projectile vomit.
511
00:18:46,553 --> 00:18:48,890
And that was one of the most
romantic dates of my whole life.
512
00:18:48,891 --> 00:18:51,996
Look, you have worked so hard
making this base a success.
513
00:18:51,997 --> 00:18:53,465
Enjoy the spoils.
514
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,335
NATO taking over
can just allow you
515
00:18:55,336 --> 00:18:56,739
to transfer to a better base.
516
00:18:56,740 --> 00:18:57,741
You're right.
517
00:18:57,742 --> 00:18:59,679
Oh my God. I didn't even
think of it that way.
518
00:18:59,779 --> 00:19:01,815
You're doing me a favor.
I should be thanking you.
519
00:19:01,816 --> 00:19:03,385
I'm gonna send you
some "thank you" flowers.
520
00:19:03,386 --> 00:19:04,821
Where should I have
Shah send them?
521
00:19:04,822 --> 00:19:07,259
Oh, yeah, right here.
'Cause you live here now!
522
00:19:07,260 --> 00:19:09,229
- It's not personal, Pat.
- Oh, it's very personal.
523
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:11,034
Okay, you Trojan Horse me
524
00:19:11,035 --> 00:19:12,168
with two of my favorite things.
525
00:19:12,169 --> 00:19:13,706
Sex and human cockfighting.
526
00:19:13,707 --> 00:19:16,477
If you wanted to move in,
you should have just asked.
527
00:19:16,478 --> 00:19:18,582
I'm not your enemy,
but I could be.
528
00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:20,953
God, you are already my enemy.
My God!
529
00:19:20,954 --> 00:19:23,859
[sighs] You know what?
Just gonna give you a heads up.
530
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:27,466
I planted an alarm in here.
It's gonna go off very soon.
531
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,336
Loud enough to drive you crazy,
532
00:19:29,337 --> 00:19:31,575
but faint enough that,
when you look for it,
533
00:19:31,576 --> 00:19:34,948
that you won't be able
to locate where it actually is.
534
00:19:34,949 --> 00:19:36,551
[alarm beeping]
535
00:19:36,552 --> 00:19:38,922
Oh, yeah,
that's gonna drive me nuts.
536
00:19:38,923 --> 00:19:41,695
Merry Christmas, Grinch.
537
00:19:41,696 --> 00:19:44,568
[Patrick] Really? This is...
All you got is the rosé?
538
00:19:44,569 --> 00:19:47,072
I mean, rosé is more
about, like, quantity.
539
00:19:47,073 --> 00:19:48,509
That's why it comes in a box.
540
00:19:49,711 --> 00:19:53,384
I can't believe Martin thought
she was doing me a favor.
541
00:19:53,385 --> 00:19:56,057
I can't believe Shah thought
he was doing me a favor.
542
00:19:56,058 --> 00:19:57,460
- Crazy.
- It is insane.
543
00:19:57,561 --> 00:20:00,767
To sacrifices everything
for our future.
544
00:20:00,768 --> 00:20:02,937
Like they're our saviors
or something.
545
00:20:02,938 --> 00:20:04,808
- Yeah.
- It's crazy behavior.
546
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:08,849
You don't think
there's a chance
547
00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:12,489
that we are
self-sabotaging Quinn style,
548
00:20:12,490 --> 00:20:14,895
so that we don't get hurt?
549
00:20:16,064 --> 00:20:17,534
- No.
- No. Yeah.
550
00:20:17,535 --> 00:20:19,003
It's not us, honey,
it's always them.
551
00:20:19,103 --> 00:20:20,372
It's them. It's them.
552
00:20:20,373 --> 00:20:22,208
That's the way
they want us to think.
553
00:20:22,209 --> 00:20:23,546
I'm obviously not gonna
554
00:20:23,547 --> 00:20:25,115
take the job
with General Martin
555
00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:26,350
after everything that I--
556
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,255
Have you learned nothing
from working with me?
557
00:20:28,256 --> 00:20:29,490
What do you mean?
558
00:20:29,491 --> 00:20:31,795
Career goes before family
every time.
559
00:20:31,796 --> 00:20:33,799
So you are taking that job, okay?
560
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,136
Number one, you earned it.
Number two, you deserve it.
561
00:20:36,137 --> 00:20:37,474
Thanks, dad.
562
00:20:37,575 --> 00:20:39,511
Plus, it can't hurt to have
a Quinn on the inside.
563
00:20:39,512 --> 00:20:41,615
Find out what her
next moves are gonna be,
564
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:44,954
and then, you know, frame her
for selling military secrets.
565
00:20:44,955 --> 00:20:46,123
Wait, what?
566
00:20:46,124 --> 00:20:47,393
You know, see how you feel.
567
00:20:49,965 --> 00:20:51,902
[dramatic music]
568
00:20:54,041 --> 00:20:56,679
Company, atten-hut!
569
00:20:57,715 --> 00:21:00,285
Our training exercise
is on hold.
570
00:21:00,286 --> 00:21:02,524
The paintball gear
has been stolen.
571
00:21:02,525 --> 00:21:05,295
Don't worry, I've been
eating the evidence.
572
00:21:05,296 --> 00:21:06,497
Why didn't you just
throw it away?
573
00:21:06,498 --> 00:21:08,001
The guns were in my office
574
00:21:08,002 --> 00:21:10,706
and only Stroopsdorf soldiers
had access.
575
00:21:10,707 --> 00:21:12,276
Maybe it's a cat burglar
situation.
576
00:21:12,277 --> 00:21:13,546
[Martin] Mm. Interesting theory.
577
00:21:13,547 --> 00:21:15,549
So what I'm gonna do is
keep my eyes peeled
578
00:21:15,550 --> 00:21:17,654
for someone very sexy
wearing spandex.
579
00:21:17,655 --> 00:21:19,657
[Jan] Well, don't look at me.
580
00:21:19,658 --> 00:21:22,028
The only thing I'm guilty
of stealing is hearts.
581
00:21:22,029 --> 00:21:24,333
I am in charge
of this base now,
582
00:21:24,334 --> 00:21:27,038
and I order everyone
to be normal!
583
00:21:27,039 --> 00:21:28,441
Yes, ma'am!
584
00:21:28,442 --> 00:21:30,445
We will be normal!
585
00:21:30,446 --> 00:21:31,982
[whispers] Normal.
586
00:21:31,983 --> 00:21:33,351
[Dana exhales]
587
00:21:35,657 --> 00:21:37,928
[children] It's going so well.