1
00:00:09,553 --> 00:00:11,356
Okay, guys. It's time.
2
00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:13,159
Hmm.
3
00:00:17,502 --> 00:00:20,373
No, no, I can't, I can't.
4
00:00:21,242 --> 00:00:23,514
Okay.
5
00:00:28,657 --> 00:00:30,259
God, mail is so fucked up.
6
00:00:30,260 --> 00:00:32,097
Like, don't they know
we have lives and families?
7
00:00:32,364 --> 00:00:34,837
- Aw, my parents are
in Jackson Hole.
- Who's Jackson?
8
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:37,240
- How did they both fit
inside his hole?
- Ha, ha, yeah.
9
00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:39,747
- It's not a sex trip.
- It's not not a sex trip.
10
00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:41,949
Wait. Ugh.
It's the Bayside Stabber.
11
00:00:41,950 --> 00:00:44,055
I forgot
I'm his prison pen pal.
12
00:00:44,255 --> 00:00:46,726
- Kind of jealous.
- God, I'm gonna have
to read his novella.
13
00:00:46,727 --> 00:00:48,898
- What?
- It's like
a graphic novel.
14
00:00:49,098 --> 00:00:50,634
Wow, he has such an eye.
15
00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:52,739
- Oh. He said,
"I love you" three times.
- Aw.
16
00:00:52,839 --> 00:00:54,708
Wait. Is that
from the hospital?
17
00:00:54,709 --> 00:00:57,782
- Show us.
- Your outstanding
hospital bill, $15,004.
18
00:00:57,783 --> 00:00:59,218
- Sucks.
- Boo.
19
00:00:59,318 --> 00:01:02,591
- Your reduced bill, $2,200.
- Medium boo.
20
00:01:02,592 --> 00:01:06,633
Your current balance,
zero dollars and zero cents.
21
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,170
- She's out of debt, people!
- Yay! Thank God.
22
00:01:09,171 --> 00:01:11,743
Well, I'd like to thank Anton
for helping me sell my jewelry
23
00:01:12,077 --> 00:01:13,847
- and Issa for buying it.
- My pleasure.
24
00:01:13,848 --> 00:01:15,850
Okay, I'm gonna go
get the last of the mail.
25
00:01:15,851 --> 00:01:17,888
- Congrats, Bills.
- We should frame this.
26
00:01:17,889 --> 00:01:20,426
Yeah, we can put
it next to the wanted poster
27
00:01:20,427 --> 00:01:22,965
Oh! Paul Baker has one.
Paul Baker, do your call back.
28
00:01:22,966 --> 00:01:24,770
Call back, call back.
29
00:01:25,437 --> 00:01:27,908
- What?
- Guys, my visa's expiring.
30
00:01:27,909 --> 00:01:29,345
Wait, what?
31
00:01:30,313 --> 00:01:32,184
I have to leave the country.
32
00:01:33,253 --> 00:01:35,625
Okay, my parents are
in Beaver Creek now.
33
00:01:35,891 --> 00:01:37,461
I don't wanna hear it.
34
00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:43,674
They're eating pussy.
35
00:01:44,576 --> 00:01:45,711
What?
36
00:02:03,446 --> 00:02:04,582
No, of course.
37
00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,452
- Con Edison.
- Yeah, makes sense.
38
00:02:06,653 --> 00:02:08,089
Con Edison.
39
00:02:08,322 --> 00:02:09,458
Con What What
40
00:02:09,592 --> 00:02:11,127
What does Con Edison stand for?
Conrad Edison?
41
00:02:11,128 --> 00:02:13,867
Okay. Thank you so much.
Bye-bye.
42
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,205
Uh, so that was my buddy's
immigration lawyer.
43
00:02:16,206 --> 00:02:17,908
- Uh, it's not looking good.
- What?
44
00:02:17,909 --> 00:02:21,216
He said the best chance
I have at getting another visa
45
00:02:21,617 --> 00:02:23,619
would be to leave the country
as soon as possible.
46
00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:27,528
Uh. How does this happen
to even
our most well-hung countrymen?
47
00:02:27,529 --> 00:02:29,399
- Thank you.
- So what
are you gonna do?
48
00:02:29,498 --> 00:02:31,035
You're just gonna
go back to Canada?
49
00:02:31,036 --> 00:02:32,639
I mean, I think I just have to.
50
00:02:33,172 --> 00:02:35,878
- What?
- Well, I mean,
you don't have to.
51
00:02:36,245 --> 00:02:38,349
- You could just
- What?
52
00:02:39,052 --> 00:02:40,321
get married.
53
00:02:40,453 --> 00:02:42,090
- Oh, shit.
- Well, yeah, uh, we could,
54
00:02:42,091 --> 00:02:43,627
but that would be visa fraud.
55
00:02:43,927 --> 00:02:46,431
- That's illegal.
- Sure,
but it's not against the law.
56
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:48,235
- What?
- I think that's exactly
what that means.
57
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,938
Okay, but people
do it all the time.
58
00:02:49,939 --> 00:02:49,972
Okay, but people
do it all the time.
Yeah, I mean, that's true.
59
00:02:49,973 --> 00:02:51,510
Yeah, I mean, that's true.
60
00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:53,078
My aunt married, like, three
desperate Greek men.
61
00:02:53,079 --> 00:02:55,249
She's a human Mamma Mia.
62
00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:57,754
Okay, guys, look,
it's super sweet that you-you
care this much about me
63
00:02:57,755 --> 00:03:00,393
and want me to stay,
but, you know,
marriage means something to me.
64
00:03:00,394 --> 00:03:02,565
Uh, I'm not just, you know--
65
00:03:02,698 --> 00:03:04,367
- Oh, my God.
- Holy shit.
66
00:03:04,368 --> 00:03:05,870
- Oh
- Paul Baker,
67
00:03:05,871 --> 00:03:09,745
you and I have a beautiful
spiritual connection
68
00:03:09,746 --> 00:03:12,218
- Uh.
- and you obviously
worship my holes.
69
00:03:12,451 --> 00:03:15,289
- Oh. No. Bad.
- Also, guys,
marriage is just a construct.
70
00:03:15,290 --> 00:03:18,196
So, if that's what it takes
to keep you here
71
00:03:18,597 --> 00:03:21,169
- Well, then, Paul Baker
- Uh, Iss--
72
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,504
Samir, ring.
73
00:03:22,505 --> 00:03:23,674
Give it
74
00:03:26,980 --> 00:03:28,650
Will you marry me?
75
00:03:30,554 --> 00:03:32,691
- Uh.
- Oh, God.
76
00:03:35,999 --> 00:03:37,502
Paul Baker?
77
00:03:37,668 --> 00:03:39,371
- Come on.
- Okay, yes?
78
00:03:43,313 --> 00:03:45,382
Yay!
79
00:03:45,383 --> 00:03:47,588
Oh, my God you're staying.
80
00:03:47,755 --> 00:03:49,258
- You're getting married.
- I know.
81
00:03:49,660 --> 00:03:50,994
- You're getting married.
- I know.
82
00:03:50,995 --> 00:03:53,299
You'll have to fuck
for the both of us now.
83
00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:56,771
- I'm gonna go
call the attorney.
- Okay.
84
00:03:56,772 --> 00:03:58,009
- Yay!
- Oh.
85
00:04:00,247 --> 00:04:02,317
So you guys will talk
to Zack-Carlos?
86
00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:05,022
- Oh, shit. Zack-Carlos.
- Oh, my God.
87
00:04:05,023 --> 00:04:08,062
Zack-Carlos. Why does
that name sound familiar?
88
00:04:11,402 --> 00:04:13,339
- Zack-Carlos.
- Hi, Zack-Carlos.
89
00:04:13,941 --> 00:04:17,314
So, we are gonna
need you to divorce Issa.
90
00:04:21,823 --> 00:04:22,993
thanks for doing this.
91
00:04:23,326 --> 00:04:25,697
Duh, Paul Baker,
we are getting married.
92
00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:27,299
That means something to you.
93
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:28,703
I am giving you
the full wedding experience.
94
00:04:28,704 --> 00:04:31,074
- Mmm. Thanks.
- Besides,
95
00:04:31,075 --> 00:04:33,313
religion has become very
important to me ever since
I realized it was just talking.
96
00:04:33,681 --> 00:04:35,717
- Hello.
- Hi!
97
00:04:35,718 --> 00:04:37,721
- Hi.
- Hello.
98
00:04:37,722 --> 00:04:39,592
- Sorry about that.
Some church business.
- Oh, no, no, no.
99
00:04:39,593 --> 00:04:41,597
Thank you for meeting with us
on such short notice.
100
00:04:41,796 --> 00:04:43,533
Of course.
101
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:46,806
As you know, it is a miracle
to be married
under the eyes of God.
102
00:04:46,807 --> 00:04:48,342
Oh. Those eyes.
103
00:04:48,343 --> 00:04:49,712
- Nothing to see here, God.
- Mm-mmm.
104
00:04:49,713 --> 00:04:51,916
Just a totally normal marriage,
105
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:51,949
Just a totally normal marriage,
but we are on a very tight
time line because both
of our moms are dying.
106
00:04:51,950 --> 00:04:55,088
but we are on a very tight
time line because both
of our moms are dying.
107
00:04:55,089 --> 00:04:55,122
but we are on a very tight
time line because both
of our moms are dying.
- No. Mm-mmm.
- Hmm?
108
00:04:55,123 --> 00:04:56,727
- No. Mm-mmm.
- Hmm?
109
00:04:56,860 --> 00:04:58,731
- Shh. Shut up. Shh.
- No, Iss.
110
00:04:58,864 --> 00:05:00,799
- No, that's not true.
- So sad. Shh.
111
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,436
Father, we're getting married
so that
I can stay in the country.
112
00:05:02,437 --> 00:05:03,774
- Paul Baker!
- What?
113
00:05:03,775 --> 00:05:05,511
Let's be honest with him,
he's a priest.
114
00:05:05,711 --> 00:05:06,912
I was an altar boy.
115
00:05:06,913 --> 00:05:08,249
Oh my God, are you okay?
116
00:05:08,617 --> 00:05:09,853
- What?
- What?
117
00:05:09,986 --> 00:05:11,789
No, no,
I-I-I appreciate the honesty.
118
00:05:11,790 --> 00:05:13,694
It's-It's the bedrock
of any marriage.
119
00:05:13,827 --> 00:05:16,667
- I always say that.
- I agree now.
120
00:05:16,867 --> 00:05:18,570
And I think we should
121
00:05:19,471 --> 00:05:21,375
- be honest.
- Be honest, yeah.
122
00:05:21,844 --> 00:05:23,146
No more secrets.
123
00:05:23,412 --> 00:05:25,817
Good. Now, have you
consummated the marriage yet?
124
00:05:25,818 --> 00:05:27,420
No, no, never.
125
00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:28,990
- Issa.
- Never once.
126
00:05:28,991 --> 00:05:30,694
- Issa.
- Well, really,
where is the question,
127
00:05:30,695 --> 00:05:32,197
because we have consummated
it in my mouth
128
00:05:32,497 --> 00:05:34,802
- No.
- But very rarely
in my bottom too.
129
00:05:34,803 --> 00:05:36,072
Iss.
130
00:05:36,372 --> 00:05:39,076
The bottom too.
- Mm-hmm.
131
00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:39,110
The bottom too.
- Mm-hmm.
So are you living chastely?
132
00:05:39,111 --> 00:05:41,181
So are you living chastely?
133
00:05:41,182 --> 00:05:44,955
Yes, super chastely.
Chasty, chasty,
chaste the rainbow.
134
00:05:44,956 --> 00:05:48,395
No, that's
What's going on with you?
No, that's not true, Father.
135
00:05:48,396 --> 00:05:50,433
We have sex all the time.
136
00:05:50,634 --> 00:05:52,371
Well, tha-that is true.
137
00:05:52,538 --> 00:05:53,940
- Thank you.
- To conceive.
138
00:05:53,941 --> 00:05:57,682
- No.
- Yes, we are trying
to start a family
139
00:05:58,851 --> 00:06:01,456
- in my mouth.
- Uh.
140
00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:03,293
- Jesus Christ.
- Paul Baker!
141
00:06:03,492 --> 00:06:04,896
Oh, fu Oh, sorry.
142
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,834
- Now he's never going to do it.
- Oh, no, no. I
143
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,706
It-It was the other stuff.
That's why I won't do it.
144
00:06:09,906 --> 00:06:11,743
Oh, goddamn it.
145
00:06:12,310 --> 00:06:14,548
- Get a signature.
- See what
you can get out.
146
00:06:14,549 --> 00:06:16,184
- No small talk.
- No. None.
147
00:06:16,185 --> 00:06:17,589
- I don't want to reminisce.
- No. Why would we do that?
148
00:06:17,788 --> 00:06:18,923
- I really
- Whoa.
149
00:06:18,924 --> 00:06:20,327
Missed you guys.
150
00:06:20,493 --> 00:06:22,198
- Aw. Miss you.
- Nice.
151
00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:24,435
You know, I almost forgot
that Issa
and I were even married.
152
00:06:24,669 --> 00:06:25,503
I know.
153
00:06:25,504 --> 00:06:27,307
I think we all tried to.
154
00:06:27,541 --> 00:06:31,850
In our defense though,
spring break,
we were on one. Like
155
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,590
Wink wink.
156
00:06:35,591 --> 00:06:36,894
I can only do it with my hands.
157
00:06:37,027 --> 00:06:38,830
- Mm-hmm. I remember.
- Right.
158
00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:40,534
And Issa was all, like,
"Marriage is a construct."
Brrr.
159
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,971
Yeah, she says that stuff.
160
00:06:42,972 --> 00:06:46,244
But the thing is,
is now
she's getting married to,
161
00:06:46,245 --> 00:06:49,317
- like, her actual boyfriend,
right? So
- Yes, yes.
162
00:06:49,318 --> 00:06:53,627
And-And he's dealing with this
whole visa thing and he's
gonna have to move out and
163
00:06:54,061 --> 00:06:55,565
Oh.
164
00:06:55,698 --> 00:06:58,370
Sorry, um, is he living
with you guys?
165
00:06:59,572 --> 00:07:03,512
Well, that's interesting
because I remember
when I asked to move in,
166
00:07:03,513 --> 00:07:06,720
you said that
it was "capped at four."
167
00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:09,926
Did I say that?
It's such a long time ago.
168
00:07:10,026 --> 00:07:15,538
But now, uh, it's two,
three, Billie's four
169
00:07:15,972 --> 00:07:18,476
- Oh.
- No, I know, five, yeah. Okay.
170
00:07:18,477 --> 00:07:21,883
I guess
there's room for five now.
171
00:07:21,884 --> 00:07:24,388
Yep, that's how counting works.
172
00:07:24,889 --> 00:07:26,692
Yeah. So, here's the deal.
173
00:07:26,693 --> 00:07:28,729
Um. It doesn't really matter
where he's living, right?
174
00:07:28,730 --> 00:07:32,037
What matters is that
you sign these divorce papers.
175
00:07:32,170 --> 00:07:34,642
The bit was funny,
but now let's just
176
00:07:35,210 --> 00:07:36,312
end it.
177
00:07:36,846 --> 00:07:40,387
You know, I'm gonna have
to think about it.
178
00:07:40,854 --> 00:07:42,559
- What?
- Just cause
179
00:07:42,692 --> 00:07:44,028
I've got a lot going on
right now.
180
00:07:44,127 --> 00:07:46,833
You know,
I'm currently living with Beth.
181
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,705
- Do you remember Beth
from move in?
- Beth?
182
00:07:49,706 --> 00:07:50,974
Yeah, isn't she your
183
00:07:50,975 --> 00:07:52,143
Mother.
184
00:07:52,144 --> 00:07:53,446
In a way, yeah.
185
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,617
But we're about
to part as friends,
186
00:07:55,618 --> 00:07:59,659
so, like, I can't even, like,
think about any
of this right now
187
00:07:59,660 --> 00:08:02,832
until I figure out
where I'm living.
188
00:08:03,867 --> 00:08:06,873
Like
what do we do?
189
00:08:07,006 --> 00:08:09,645
- Okay.
- What do we do?
190
00:08:14,021 --> 00:08:15,456
Oh. Um.
191
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,161
Holy shit.
192
00:08:18,162 --> 00:08:18,194
Holy shit.
Whoo. You are incredible.
193
00:08:18,195 --> 00:08:20,300
Whoo. You are incredible.
194
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,804
And that's what I learned
from the Hustlers trailer.
195
00:08:22,805 --> 00:08:24,709
- Very nice, Iss.
- Thank you.
196
00:08:24,909 --> 00:08:27,313
- Does this make up
for the priest thing?
- It really does, babe.
197
00:08:27,515 --> 00:08:29,351
- Yay!
- Thank you.
198
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:31,388
Wait. Is Billie still flirting
with that couple?
Don't look, but look.
199
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:34,428
Oh, my God. I remember when
my first friend got engaged.
200
00:08:34,562 --> 00:08:36,432
- Really?
- Ugh. Me too.
201
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:40,508
Yeah. Oh. It was bad.
I plucked out every single
one of my eyebrows.
202
00:08:40,707 --> 00:08:41,876
I looked like a ping pong ball.
203
00:08:41,877 --> 00:08:44,749
- I'm really happy for you.
- Oh, my God.
204
00:08:44,949 --> 00:08:46,117
It's funny, but it was
205
00:08:46,118 --> 00:08:47,921
- it was honestly scary.
- It was bad.
206
00:08:47,922 --> 00:08:49,960
- Oh. I'm so proud
I could cry.
- Aw.
207
00:08:50,093 --> 00:08:51,795
So what'd you boys
get up to today?
208
00:08:51,796 --> 00:08:54,334
Oh, yeah, what did
you boys get up to today?
209
00:08:54,569 --> 00:08:56,104
Oh. Um.
210
00:08:56,105 --> 00:08:57,608
- We made soup.
- We made soup.
211
00:08:57,609 --> 00:09:00,379
- Fun!
- Soup without me?
212
00:09:00,614 --> 00:09:01,750
What kind?
213
00:09:02,619 --> 00:09:04,053
- Minestrone.
- Minestrone.
214
00:09:04,054 --> 00:09:06,424
- Hmm.
- Well, you guys
are being weird.
215
00:09:06,425 --> 00:09:09,098
- No.
- You, like, hiding
something or what?
216
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,505
- We burnt the soup.
- We burnt the soup.
217
00:09:12,705 --> 00:09:14,040
- So sad.
- Okay.
218
00:09:14,141 --> 00:09:15,711
- Um, Paul Baker,
I need to get sit down.
- Yes.
219
00:09:15,811 --> 00:09:17,314
Can you guys go stand
in Billie's eyeline
220
00:09:17,581 --> 00:09:19,352
in case that couple gets weird
and human trafficky?
221
00:09:19,585 --> 00:09:22,123
- Yeah, of course.
- Thank you.
You guys are such good allies.
222
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,893
Not you.
What did that Zack-Carlos say?
223
00:09:23,894 --> 00:09:25,564
So yeah, it's not looking good.
224
00:09:25,697 --> 00:09:27,199
- He won't sign the papers.
- What?
225
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,237
Yeah, and he's trying to, like,
move in with us now.
226
00:09:29,337 --> 00:09:31,576
Can you just please be honest
with Paul Baker?
227
00:09:31,776 --> 00:09:33,613
No. No. Absolutely not.
228
00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:36,520
If I tell him I've been
married this whole time,
he will move back to Canada.
229
00:09:36,719 --> 00:09:39,825
Issa, he's not gonna move back
to Canada if you're just
honest with him.
230
00:09:39,826 --> 00:09:43,431
He loves honesty.
He's obsessed with it,
which is why we have to lie.
231
00:09:43,432 --> 00:09:46,540
- Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
- I'm telling you,
I know him.
232
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:47,975
I'll talk
to Zack-Carlos tomorrow.
233
00:09:47,976 --> 00:09:51,181
Thank you.
You're a good man.
234
00:09:51,182 --> 00:09:53,386
Now get on that table
and make it bounce for mamma.
235
00:09:53,954 --> 00:09:55,323
Make what bounce?
236
00:09:56,425 --> 00:09:58,396
No. It's on the house.
237
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,536
Wow.
238
00:10:01,970 --> 00:10:03,139
He's cute.
239
00:10:03,607 --> 00:10:05,175
- No. No.
- No?
240
00:10:05,176 --> 00:10:08,248
Anton, you don't wanna make
that dry martini
a little dirty?
241
00:10:08,249 --> 00:10:10,987
- Honestly,
I probably should.
- Huh?
242
00:10:10,988 --> 00:10:12,824
- It's getting really bad.
- The dry spell?
243
00:10:12,825 --> 00:10:15,697
Yeah. The other day
I almost bit a mannequin
at Bloomingdale's.
244
00:10:15,864 --> 00:10:16,899
- Fuck off.
- Yeah.
245
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,837
- Where?
- Oh. In the lump.
246
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,711
- But yeah, weirdly
I'm like not spiraling.
- Hey.
247
00:10:22,878 --> 00:10:26,619
My friends are
where they're supposed to be.
I'm where I'm supposed to be.
248
00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:29,759
And where is that?
249
00:10:30,794 --> 00:10:32,229
Oh. Um
250
00:10:32,230 --> 00:10:35,269
I don't know.
Just at a bar
with a really hot couple
251
00:10:35,270 --> 00:10:39,144
who I think is open or I'm
totally misreading the vibe.
252
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,654
- Um. Okay, she's hot.
- Yes.
253
00:10:43,887 --> 00:10:46,290
She's fucking hot.
Oh, this girl She's so hot.
254
00:10:46,291 --> 00:10:48,597
- How are you though?
- Marriage wise?
255
00:10:48,997 --> 00:10:50,767
- Awesome. Yeah.
- Cool.
256
00:10:50,768 --> 00:10:55,142
I mean, sure,
I-I always pictured
my wedding a certain way.
257
00:10:55,143 --> 00:10:56,345
And what's that?
258
00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,383
Outdoor venue, private vows,
glow sticks at the after party.
259
00:10:59,384 --> 00:11:02,390
- Got it, glow sticks.
Needed always. Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
260
00:11:02,391 --> 00:11:05,531
But I mean this is
this is great too.
261
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:10,140
This is awesome.
Like, it is so sweet what Issa
is doing, marrying me.
262
00:11:10,239 --> 00:11:13,445
What all you guys are doing
to keep me here, but
263
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,420
- Mind wipe?
- Yeah, of course.
264
00:11:17,688 --> 00:11:19,859
I Um.
265
00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:24,033
You're not ready
to get married, but you want
to stay in the house,
266
00:11:24,034 --> 00:11:26,873
and you really
don't want to disappoint us.
267
00:11:32,383 --> 00:11:35,556
You know what,
I think I'm gonna, um,
get one of those free martinis.
268
00:11:35,557 --> 00:11:37,093
Yeah, definitely.
269
00:11:37,094 --> 00:11:39,096
- Hi, I would like another
- Another?
270
00:11:39,097 --> 00:11:41,101
- because this has spilled.
- You got it.
271
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,673
Okay, I have to go
to the bathroom. Just pee.
272
00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:47,582
You guys can hold hands, but
no first kiss until I get back.
273
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,417
- Promise.
- I promise.
274
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:52,357
- All right.
- Oh, my God,
you guys are cute.
275
00:11:52,858 --> 00:11:55,531
So you're
an orthopedist.
276
00:11:55,731 --> 00:11:57,067
I don't want this.
277
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,872
- Hmm?
- I don't. I don't want this.
278
00:12:00,172 --> 00:12:02,845
It's just my wife, she wanted
to open the marriage.
279
00:12:02,978 --> 00:12:07,285
She wanted to go out
and she wanted to explore, but
I wanted to have kids by now.
280
00:12:07,286 --> 00:12:09,490
- I'm sorry, what?
- But no, my wife,
281
00:12:09,491 --> 00:12:09,525
- I'm sorry, what?
- But no, my wife,
she wants to go around town
and she wants
to fuck young sluts together.
282
00:12:09,526 --> 00:12:11,930
she wants to go around town
and she wants
to fuck young sluts together.
283
00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:18,710
I can't keep having
this amount of sex
with random people.
284
00:12:19,077 --> 00:12:22,317
I mean, you're incredible,
and I'm not even attracted
to you at all.
285
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:24,789
And I mean,
look at you, you're so
286
00:12:26,793 --> 00:12:28,029
- Pretty?
- Gen Z.
287
00:12:28,195 --> 00:12:30,700
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah. I love Gen Z and
288
00:12:30,701 --> 00:12:32,070
Yeah.
289
00:12:33,874 --> 00:12:35,644
You know what, Brian?
You know what?
290
00:12:35,645 --> 00:12:37,312
No. No, actually. No.
291
00:12:37,313 --> 00:12:39,416
Because, hey, look at me.
Look me in the eye.
292
00:12:39,417 --> 00:12:42,290
I have had a very tough year.
It sounds
like maybe you have too.
293
00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:46,532
But guess what?
Tonight's not about you,
Brian, okay?
294
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:48,669
Not about your wife.
295
00:12:48,670 --> 00:12:50,708
There are three of us here
and only one of us
shaved their asshole for this.
296
00:12:50,941 --> 00:12:52,377
Was it you, Brian?
297
00:12:53,045 --> 00:12:54,916
- Was it you, Brian?
- No, but
298
00:12:55,049 --> 00:12:56,619
So, here's
what's gonna happen, okay?
299
00:12:56,886 --> 00:12:59,223
Your wife's gonna come back
and then you're gonna man up
300
00:12:59,224 --> 00:13:02,396
and you're gonna fuck me,
then your wife in that order
301
00:13:02,397 --> 00:13:05,136
because I get UTIs
like a grandmother,
Brian. Do you understand me?
302
00:13:05,336 --> 00:13:06,673
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah?
303
00:13:06,839 --> 00:13:08,375
- Great.
- That sounds awesome.
304
00:13:08,977 --> 00:13:10,079
- Hi.
- Hi, sweetie.
305
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,384
- Hey!
- Remember me?
306
00:13:12,951 --> 00:13:15,489
- Welcome back.
- Okay, what
were you talking about?
307
00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:18,664
It just, we were What did
You said What did you say?
308
00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:22,303
Hey, hey. Don't forget
to do that thing I taught you.
309
00:13:23,072 --> 00:13:24,041
Ooh.
310
00:13:24,441 --> 00:13:27,548
What, uh
What thing did she teach you?
311
00:13:28,248 --> 00:13:29,885
It's just anal.
312
00:13:30,821 --> 00:13:32,056
We're doing anal tonight.
313
00:13:41,074 --> 00:13:42,243
And then what happened?
314
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:44,480
Zack-Carlos,
we told you this already.
315
00:13:44,481 --> 00:13:46,986
It turns out it was
the bayside stabber
and he was on our couch.
316
00:13:47,086 --> 00:13:49,089
And then the police came
and it was a whole ordeal.
317
00:13:49,090 --> 00:13:51,395
Yeah.
You guys are crazy.
318
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,869
The antics.
319
00:13:55,036 --> 00:13:56,405
You know what?
320
00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:57,974
I have decided.
321
00:13:57,975 --> 00:13:59,712
- Yeah?
- Great!
322
00:13:59,945 --> 00:14:02,150
- Great, you can sign
right here.
- Thank you so much.
323
00:14:02,350 --> 00:14:06,358
I will move in. Aw.
324
00:14:06,993 --> 00:14:08,796
Oh, bro, no.
325
00:14:08,797 --> 00:14:10,366
No.
326
00:14:10,367 --> 00:14:12,569
Zack-Carlos, you're not
No, you're not moving in, okay?
327
00:14:12,570 --> 00:14:15,041
- I'm just gonna be straight up
with you.
- All right. Classic Samir.
328
00:14:15,042 --> 00:14:18,482
No, no.
I'm being serious, okay?
329
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,252
You are not moving in.
330
00:14:20,253 --> 00:14:22,289
And it's not because
there's no room.
It was never about that.
331
00:14:22,290 --> 00:14:25,597
- Mm-hmm.
- It's because
you're so crazy, okay?
332
00:14:25,897 --> 00:14:27,835
And And where's Beth?
Where's your mom?
333
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,169
Is she alive?
334
00:14:29,170 --> 00:14:30,541
I don't want to go back
and forth with you.
335
00:14:30,874 --> 00:14:32,978
Can you just sign
the divorce papers?
336
00:14:34,615 --> 00:14:36,051
No!
337
00:14:38,857 --> 00:14:41,261
- Why?
- Because you guys left me.
338
00:14:41,262 --> 00:14:44,033
We used to hang out
all of the time.
339
00:14:44,034 --> 00:14:48,543
Then after college,
you replaced me with Billie.
340
00:14:49,211 --> 00:14:51,916
And now with Paul Baker.
341
00:14:52,551 --> 00:14:55,355
Bisexual, queer, proud!
342
00:14:55,356 --> 00:14:58,662
- Wait, how do you know that?
- Instagram story, bitch.
343
00:14:58,663 --> 00:15:01,636
While we're doing it,
let's just call him like he is.
344
00:15:02,470 --> 00:15:03,840
He's an illegal alien.
345
00:15:04,107 --> 00:15:06,078
- Oh, okay.
- No, you can't say that,
Zack-Carlos.
346
00:15:06,211 --> 00:15:08,949
- He's an alien.
- What? Zack-Carlos, no.
347
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,553
- Hey, do not.
- Yep. Yep.
348
00:15:10,554 --> 00:15:13,725
He's an illegal alien
who is sleeping with my wife.
349
00:15:13,726 --> 00:15:19,370
So, no, I'm not divorcing Issa
because
that's how I'm involved.
350
00:15:21,208 --> 00:15:22,409
Ugh.
351
00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:23,612
Okay.
352
00:15:23,613 --> 00:15:25,718
Okay, okay. You're right.
353
00:15:26,118 --> 00:15:28,221
- You're right, Zack-Carlos.
- He's right?
354
00:15:28,222 --> 00:15:30,594
He's right, Samir. He's right.
355
00:15:31,094 --> 00:15:32,597
It's just
a shame though
356
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,901
'cause you would've really
hit it off with Paul Baker.
357
00:15:34,902 --> 00:15:37,106
- He loves meeting new people.
- What are you doing?
358
00:15:37,107 --> 00:15:40,212
- He's kind,
he's a great listener.
- What?
359
00:15:40,514 --> 00:15:42,349
He's, like, funny over text.
360
00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:44,789
You know those people that are,
like, funny over text, Samir?
361
00:15:44,989 --> 00:15:46,357
You know those people? Hmm?
362
00:15:46,358 --> 00:15:49,666
- Mmm. He's funny over text.
- So funny.
363
00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:51,937
I-I'm funny over text.
364
00:15:52,103 --> 00:15:53,137
- Yeah.
- Yes.
365
00:15:53,138 --> 00:15:55,810
Yes, you're funny
over text too.
366
00:15:55,811 --> 00:15:57,580
They would have such good bits.
367
00:15:57,581 --> 00:16:00,987
- P.B. and Z.C.
- Would've, could've,
should've. Yep.
368
00:16:02,424 --> 00:16:05,596
Too bad he's going back
to Canada. Bye, Zack-Carlos.
369
00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:07,635
- Wait.
- Hmm?
370
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,607
Does he watch
The Masked Singer?
371
00:16:12,644 --> 00:16:13,980
Yeah.
372
00:16:14,815 --> 00:16:16,384
Could he explain it to me?
373
00:16:18,288 --> 00:16:19,992
- Of-Of course.
- Of course.
374
00:16:23,432 --> 00:16:25,637
- Yay, congratulations.
- Appreciate it
375
00:16:26,104 --> 00:16:27,140
Twins.
376
00:16:27,273 --> 00:16:29,344
Aw. You're doing
a really good thing.
377
00:16:29,545 --> 00:16:30,814
Thanks, I know.
378
00:16:31,414 --> 00:16:34,254
Ugh. Oh, wait!
How was that date
with that couple last night?
379
00:16:34,354 --> 00:16:36,124
It was actually really good.
380
00:16:36,291 --> 00:16:37,661
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
381
00:16:37,662 --> 00:16:38,830
Wow.
382
00:16:39,297 --> 00:16:41,535
- Ahem. You have UTI?
- My vagina is on fire.
383
00:16:41,536 --> 00:16:43,739
Look at you,
you little ass hopper.
384
00:16:43,740 --> 00:16:45,441
Threesomes, itchy vaginas.
385
00:16:45,442 --> 00:16:47,547
- You're, like, doing it.
- I know.
386
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,153
And meanwhile you're
the responsible one
about to get married.
387
00:16:50,319 --> 00:16:51,855
- I know.
- Next thing you know,
388
00:16:51,856 --> 00:16:53,157
you're gonna stop flushing
your tampons down the toilet.
389
00:16:53,158 --> 00:16:54,661
I know. What?
390
00:16:54,662 --> 00:16:56,731
It's like you're the Billie
and I'm the Issa.
391
00:16:56,732 --> 00:16:58,302
Oh, God.
392
00:16:58,703 --> 00:17:01,842
- Yeah. Yeah, that's true
- Next thing you know
you're gonna start--
393
00:17:02,043 --> 00:17:03,212
- Wow!
- Hi.
394
00:17:03,412 --> 00:17:04,281
- Hi!
- Hi!
395
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,218
Issa, you look so beautiful.
396
00:17:06,418 --> 00:17:09,324
Thanks.
It's vintage Samir's mom in
that it is her wedding dress.
397
00:17:09,490 --> 00:17:10,627
- Excuse me.
- Mm-hmm.
398
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,296
Iss, we got
those papers signed.
399
00:17:12,496 --> 00:17:13,567
Yep, we handled it.
400
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,637
Good, great.
Super great.
401
00:17:15,638 --> 00:17:17,006
Oh. Shh. Shh.
402
00:17:17,139 --> 00:17:19,110
- Hey!
- Okay,
403
00:17:19,277 --> 00:17:21,949
I know I'm not supposed
to see you yet, my beautiful
bride. Are you ready, Iss?
404
00:17:21,950 --> 00:17:24,321
- Yes, super ready. Super.
- Okay, let's do it!
405
00:17:24,454 --> 00:17:26,125
- She's ready!
- Let's go!
406
00:17:26,358 --> 00:17:29,497
- All right. All right,
let's go!
- I'm getting married! Yay! Yes!
407
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,569
- Come on, Carly.
- Okay.
408
00:17:32,270 --> 00:17:35,109
Carly,
I am stealing you
from Samir. You're tiny.
409
00:17:37,581 --> 00:17:39,384
I hope it's a UTI.
410
00:17:51,742 --> 00:17:53,378
Hello.
411
00:17:54,682 --> 00:17:56,084
- Ooh. Take me in.
- What?
412
00:17:56,586 --> 00:17:59,658
Take me in, take me in.
413
00:18:02,396 --> 00:18:03,599
Did you sniff me?
414
00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:06,304
And, okay.
I will see you in there.
415
00:18:06,305 --> 00:18:08,441
Wait, wait, wait.
Please, please, please.
416
00:18:08,442 --> 00:18:09,812
What?
417
00:18:10,146 --> 00:18:11,749
I can't do this.
418
00:18:12,651 --> 00:18:14,721
- Oh, my God, Iss.
- I can't.
419
00:18:14,722 --> 00:18:16,759
I'm not supposed
to get married at 24.
420
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:19,798
If anything, I'm supposed
to get married
at 60 to a 24-year-old.
421
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,872
Okay, Iss, but remember
Remember,
you've been married before.
422
00:18:23,105 --> 00:18:24,608
Yeah, as a bit!
423
00:18:24,708 --> 00:18:27,548
This isn't a bit.
I live with this guy.
424
00:18:33,325 --> 00:18:35,496
Hey, sorry, who is this guy?
425
00:18:36,164 --> 00:18:37,667
It's Zack-Carlos.
426
00:18:37,668 --> 00:18:38,836
He's your best man.
427
00:18:40,607 --> 00:18:41,976
Okay.
428
00:18:42,611 --> 00:18:44,949
He's gonna get deported.
Paul Baker's gonna
get deported.
429
00:18:45,149 --> 00:18:46,483
This is horrible.
430
00:18:46,484 --> 00:18:48,088
Do you know how many marches
I've been to for that?
431
00:18:48,355 --> 00:18:50,226
- Oh, God.
- He's not gonna
get deported, okay?
432
00:18:50,426 --> 00:18:51,862
Oh, my God, I'm gonna throw up.
I'm gonna throw up.
I'm gonna ralph.
433
00:18:51,863 --> 00:18:53,332
- Issa, don't ralph.
- Oh, God.
434
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,301
I'm gonna ralph
on Samir's mom's dress.
435
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,673
- Don't throw up.
- I'm gonna throw up. Oh, God.
436
00:18:56,806 --> 00:18:58,575
If you puke,
it'll make me puke.
437
00:18:58,576 --> 00:19:00,847
- Oh, God.
- Don't--
438
00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:07,193
Oh, my God.
439
00:19:14,575 --> 00:19:17,246
I'm a bad person.
I'm a bad person.
440
00:19:17,413 --> 00:19:18,615
Hey, look at me. Stop crying.
441
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:21,388
- Oh, God. What do we do?
- It's okay.
442
00:19:21,555 --> 00:19:23,225
We are gonna figure this out.
443
00:19:23,627 --> 00:19:25,229
How?
444
00:19:34,247 --> 00:19:35,583
What the fuck?
445
00:19:46,772 --> 00:19:48,374
- Jesus Christ.
- Okay.
446
00:19:48,375 --> 00:19:50,948
- That's not the bride.
- Oh.
447
00:19:51,515 --> 00:19:53,452
Billie,
what's happening?
448
00:19:53,619 --> 00:19:55,790
Issa is really really sorry,
but she can't
actually marry you right now.
449
00:19:56,224 --> 00:19:57,394
Oh.
450
00:19:57,728 --> 00:19:59,429
- Totally, yeah.
- Okay?
451
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:01,266
But it's gonna be okay because
we're not gonna lose you
452
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:02,771
because
453
00:20:03,271 --> 00:20:04,273
I am gonna marry you.
454
00:20:04,474 --> 00:20:06,044
- Billie, what?
- No.
455
00:20:06,211 --> 00:20:08,048
- That's crazy.
- Who cares, okay?
456
00:20:08,049 --> 00:20:11,522
Last night I went down
on a woman while her
husband sobbed beside me, okay?
457
00:20:11,622 --> 00:20:13,125
- I can do anything.
- Billie, no.
458
00:20:13,291 --> 00:20:14,895
Okay, hey, Billie, hey. No.
459
00:20:15,229 --> 00:20:17,266
- I'll-I'll just marry him.
- What the fuck?
460
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:19,137
- Samir.
- He's my guy, okay?
461
00:20:19,337 --> 00:20:20,840
I He cooks my meals.
462
00:20:20,841 --> 00:20:23,277
He-He remembers my passwords.
He lives in my house, okay?
463
00:20:23,278 --> 00:20:25,315
- Let's just do this.
- Hey, guys, no.
464
00:20:25,316 --> 00:20:26,819
Samir, well, you're
not even gay, so
465
00:20:26,952 --> 00:20:28,321
So? I've seen it.
I can get there.
466
00:20:28,523 --> 00:20:30,794
- Ooh.
- Hey, guys, no.
467
00:20:30,927 --> 00:20:32,529
Super sweet
that you want to do this.
468
00:20:32,530 --> 00:20:34,199
But if Issa can't marry me,
then that's that.
469
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,838
- I'm leaving the country.
- Well, she totally can though.
470
00:20:36,839 --> 00:20:38,074
Oh Just no, no.
471
00:20:38,075 --> 00:20:39,210
I divorced her this morning.
472
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:43,184
- Fuck.
- What?
473
00:20:43,185 --> 00:20:44,487
Shit.
474
00:20:45,456 --> 00:20:47,493
- Oh. Oh. And that is the bride.
- Ooh.
475
00:20:47,627 --> 00:20:49,296
- You have four minutes.
- Hi, Paul B.
476
00:20:49,297 --> 00:20:50,398
Sorry, sweetie. Thank you.
477
00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:51,935
- Hi. Uh Okay.
- Hi.
478
00:20:51,936 --> 00:20:56,678
So, I actually lied about,
like, a lot, actually.
479
00:20:56,679 --> 00:20:58,648
- Iss
- I was married,
480
00:20:58,649 --> 00:21:01,354
when I proposed to you,
to a nightmare
twank named Zack-Carlos.
481
00:21:01,555 --> 00:21:02,990
Hi, Zack-Carlos. And I--
482
00:21:02,991 --> 00:21:04,695
You were married?
483
00:21:04,995 --> 00:21:06,298
- Yeah.
- The whole time?
484
00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:07,634
Mm-hmm.
485
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,236
And all of you guys knew?
486
00:21:09,237 --> 00:21:11,675
- Yeah, we knew.
- Well, his name
sounded familiar.
487
00:21:11,842 --> 00:21:13,777
Yeah, they knew.
488
00:21:13,778 --> 00:21:15,716
Going back, you know,
we probably wouldn't have
lied as much.
489
00:21:15,717 --> 00:21:17,452
But it was just because
we thought
we could pull it off.
490
00:21:17,453 --> 00:21:19,390
- Pull it off?
- Pull it off?
491
00:21:19,558 --> 00:21:21,227
- This is my life.
- His life.
492
00:21:21,228 --> 00:21:24,032
- You know, you could've
just talked to me.
- Just talk.
493
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:26,638
Look, we all love you.
We just want you to stay.
494
00:21:26,639 --> 00:21:28,742
So literally any of us
would marry you.
495
00:21:28,743 --> 00:21:31,515
- Yeah, we would.
- Yeah. And I love you,
Paul Barker.
496
00:21:31,516 --> 00:21:33,118
Zack-Carlos,
I swear to God
497
00:21:33,318 --> 00:21:35,188
Paul Baker, you choose.
498
00:21:35,189 --> 00:21:37,426
- What do you want?
- Yeah.
499
00:21:50,654 --> 00:21:52,156
Okay, wait, can
I have some cake?
500
00:21:52,423 --> 00:21:54,059
- No, I want this one.
- I'll trade you.
501
00:21:54,060 --> 00:21:55,429
Okay.
502
00:21:55,630 --> 00:21:56,598
Oh, we watching a movie?
503
00:21:56,599 --> 00:21:58,434
Mmm. That suit.
504
00:21:58,435 --> 00:22:01,909
I may not be a bride,
but I'm gonna fuck
a groom tonight.
505
00:22:02,042 --> 00:22:03,511
- Okay.
- Wait, wait, wait.
506
00:22:03,512 --> 00:22:05,416
You have to sit next to
your literal spouse.
507
00:22:05,583 --> 00:22:06,719
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
508
00:22:06,852 --> 00:22:09,490
- Okay. Okay, okay.
- Come on.
509
00:22:19,477 --> 00:22:20,880
Thank you for marrying me.
510
00:22:20,980 --> 00:22:23,485
Of course. It was nothing.
It's marriage.
511
00:22:24,020 --> 00:22:25,289
It is something.
512
00:22:25,723 --> 00:22:28,360
- Wait, you guys never
had your kiss.
- Oh, my God!
513
00:22:28,361 --> 00:22:30,700
- You have to.
- No, guys
514
00:22:30,833 --> 00:22:32,102
Guys,
come on. Kiss, kiss
515
00:22:32,103 --> 00:22:33,939
No. No, no, no.
We don't need to do that.
516
00:22:33,940 --> 00:22:37,615
- Kiss, kiss, kiss,
kiss, kiss, kiss.
- Okay, then.
517
00:22:37,747 --> 00:22:39,584
- That Come on
- Bigger than that.
518
00:22:39,585 --> 00:22:41,487
You're not gonna get cooties.
Kiss.
519
00:22:41,488 --> 00:22:43,158
Fine. Okay.
520
00:22:43,759 --> 00:22:45,597
Kiss for real!
521
00:22:45,763 --> 00:22:49,638
- Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.
- Kiss, kiss, kiss,
kiss, kiss.
522
00:22:57,153 --> 00:22:58,421
Uh-huh.
523
00:22:58,923 --> 00:23:02,496
"Kiss, kiss!" We kissed.
We We just kissed.
524
00:23:05,035 --> 00:23:07,273
- Should we watch a movie?
- Yep. Yes.
525
00:23:07,406 --> 00:23:08,775
We need to watch
a movie right now.
526
00:23:08,776 --> 00:23:10,412
- Let's do it.
- Hundred-percent.
527
00:23:10,647 --> 00:23:11,815
Oh, uh.
528
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,857
Okay, someone
throw out a movie.
529
00:23:17,459 --> 00:23:18,796
Oh. Um
530
00:23:22,971 --> 00:23:24,708
Conrad Edison.