1 00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,808 COLETTE: Doo-doo-doo, doo, doo. 2 00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:11,612 Happy Monday, my "galapalooza." 3 00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,714 Do you hear the words that come out of your mouth? 4 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,516 I was scrolling Insta 5 00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:16,850 and I saw that you went out 6 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,586 with, uh, some of the girls from the office. 7 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,288 You were at a bar. 8 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:23,457 Yeah, spotted both Kristens in the mix, yeah. 9 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,660 And Carla, who retired, like, three years ago. 10 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,229 -Fun, fun, fun. -Yeah, that was cute. 11 00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:29,630 I heard you're the gatekeeper 12 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:32,165 for "DMV Hot Gurlz" text chain and I want in. 13 00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:33,301 No. 14 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,302 What? Why? 15 00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:35,803 Okay, listen. 16 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,405 You can't be in our crew because 17 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,607 you give off, like, 18 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:40,808 cute girl energy. 19 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,110 Mm-hmm. 20 00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:43,377 Which is a really kind way of me telling you 21 00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,012 that you do not have hot girl energy. 22 00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,881 I am so hot, I soak through my sheets at night. 23 00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,484 Look, the DMV Hot Gurlz have a two-year streak 24 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,752 of not having to pay for a drink. 25 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,654 I mean, those girls can pull. 26 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:54,655 Um, I can pull. 27 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,590 I was known as "The Oxen" 28 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,791 on family vacations, 29 00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,593 'cause I carried everyone's suitcases. 30 00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:00,994 That's not what "pull" means, 31 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,263 but I will happily integrate your nickname 32 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,997 into my lexicon, Oxen. 33 00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:06,367 Good morning, soldiers. 34 00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:08,369 Who's ready for their Monday morning plop? 35 00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:11,239 Hope someone brought some toilet paper. 36 00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:12,506 I'm not new anymore, mate. 37 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,542 I know "plop" is Barb for "meeting." 38 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,176 (groans) I hate change. 39 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:18,078 Hit me with it, Gregg-a-rooni. 40 00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,781 I just wanted to share before you hear it secondhand, 41 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,883 that I am suing the DMV 42 00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:25,886 for inaction in replacing my broken chair. 43 00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,588 Oh, I see. 44 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:29,289 Excuse me for a minute. 45 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,529 (Barb yelling fiercely) 46 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:38,265 -(shouting indistinctly) -(pounding on wall) 47 00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,033 -(shouting continues) -(crashing) 48 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,303 * * 49 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,375 AUTOMATED VOICE: Now serving B-5 at window... 50 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,709 Hoo-boy. 51 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,610 Wouldn't mind being the ceiling right now. 52 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,946 Then that hottie on the laddie would be all up in me. 53 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,081 Ew. 54 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,416 That's the kind of thing 55 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,685 I'd be dropping in the text chain, FYI. 56 00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:01,054 That's exactly why you're not in the text chain, FYI. 57 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,056 And can you please stop talking about 58 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,124 Miguel that way. He's my cousin. 59 00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:05,493 Stop. The hot electrician's 60 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,994 your cousin? (gasps) 61 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,262 Is he single? 62 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,798 -Colette, he's my best cousin. -Yeah. 63 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,933 Hello? Pride and joy of my family. 64 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,135 Owns his own business. We're talking about the guy that does 65 00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:16,770 the lights for the Glendale Christmas Tree Lighting 66 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:17,638 every year. 67 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:20,140 I would let him string me. 68 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,943 You rest my case. 69 00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:25,679 * * 70 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:31,685 Hey, Barb, can I get the, uh-- 71 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:36,857 Okay. Um, can you pass the salt, please? 72 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,359 Well, isn't this rich? 73 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,994 He sues me for everything I'm worth, 74 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,863 and now he wants the salt, too. 75 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,298 What's next, Gregg? 76 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,099 You want the vest off my back? You want it? 77 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,369 Barb, come on, I think you're taking this way too personally. 78 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,071 I'm not suing you, I'm suing the DMV. 79 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,873 It is very personal. 80 00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,242 If we are the "problem" DMV, 81 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:57,211 we are the "shut down" DMV. 82 00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,978 Sacramento Sally said the key 83 00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:01,114 to survival is to not cause headaches. 84 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:05,052 Really? Well, Sacramento created this headache, not me. 85 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,788 But I imagine this will all be clearer 86 00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:10,291 when Trish from HR comes to speak with me tomorrow. 87 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,025 Hold the scones. 88 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,994 Trish from HR is coming here tomorrow? 89 00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,996 -Mm-hmm. -I have to prepare. 90 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,798 She's coming to get a statement from me. 91 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,066 This does not involve you. 92 00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,334 Really? 93 00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,236 You know what does involve me, Greggles? 94 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:23,471 This salt! 95 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:24,738 (Gregg scoffs) 96 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:30,378 (high-pitched whining) 97 00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:34,081 You know I don't get salt at home. 98 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,454 Best of luck with the name change. 99 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,223 Well, well, well. 100 00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:45,091 Remember me? 101 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,527 The guy whose REAL ID paperwork 102 00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,529 you just couldn't find a way to work with? 103 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,230 I'm guessing I've been living rent-free 104 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,031 in that unfurnished head of yours. 105 00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,267 Yeah, you're very unique. 106 00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,002 We only get about a thousand people a week 107 00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:56,570 who mess up their paperwork. 108 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,439 Well, this is gonna piss you off. 109 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:01,074 I've got all my documents today. 110 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,242 -Oh. -Passport, 111 00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:04,612 electric bill, mortgage statement. 112 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,113 Oh, do you know what a mortgage is? 113 00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:07,247 I'm guessing the only property 114 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,082 you've ever owned is Baltic Avenue. 115 00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,485 -(laughs) Monopoly joke. -Yeah. 116 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,886 Actually, I'm getting the rights. 117 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,455 Talking about shooting in Atlantic City. 118 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:16,856 Hey, well done. It's all here. 119 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,158 Great to have your validation. 120 00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:19,527 There's one snag. 121 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:22,530 Look, I can't process this until you pay 122 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,264 your late registration fees. 123 00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:27,568 Right now, you owe $2,621 124 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,737 for a G-Wagon and two Range Rovers. 125 00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:32,105 Come on, come on. My business manager handles this stuff. 126 00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:33,607 Okay, is he here? 127 00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:35,008 "She." 128 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,810 And... no. 129 00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:38,278 She's not. 130 00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:39,613 Just process me out of here, okay? 131 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:40,748 -I-I can't. -Let's go. 132 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,082 -I can't. -Let's go. 133 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:43,384 -Just type me out of here. -I'm sorry. 134 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,284 Just process-- 135 00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,020 (sighs) Okay. 136 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,790 Here you go. 137 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,091 It's Amex Black. 138 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,426 You're gonna want to lift with your legs. 139 00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:53,894 I'm happy to do it. By the way, 140 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,563 there's a two-and-a-half percent credit card fee. 141 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:56,564 Ah, bah, bah! 142 00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:57,831 There it is. 143 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,132 Do you fleece everyone 144 00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:00,634 or just everyone in a bespoke suit? 145 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,135 If you don't want to pay the fee, 146 00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:03,471 we also take cash or check. 147 00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:05,473 Check? Oh, yeah, let me just get my checkbook 148 00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:06,907 from the back of my horse and buggy. 149 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,910 Hope I don't get smallpox on the way outside. 150 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,011 Okay. 151 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,780 I'll be back tomorrow with cash. 152 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,648 All right, well, I will see you then, mate. 153 00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:16,817 (mockingly): No, I'll see you... 154 00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,318 -Okay. -Okay. 155 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,253 Man, we should totally screw with that dude 156 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,789 when he comes back tomorrow. 157 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,857 We could reset the number system, or-- 158 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:25,593 we could wrong-line him. 159 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,795 That's where we keep sending him to the wrong line. 160 00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,830 Yeah, I gathered that from the title. 161 00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,765 Oh, okay, Oxford. 162 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:35,703 That's the last time I go to a dog park without a dog. 163 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,270 I bet those puppies miss you. 164 00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:38,305 It's-it's hard to say 165 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:39,306 'cause they never write. 166 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:41,108 (both laugh) 167 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,110 Ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha. What's going on over here? 168 00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:45,479 I'm about to ask your cute coworker out on a date. 169 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,914 Oh, she's not in today. 170 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,882 I'm talking about Colette. 171 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,784 (whispers): He's talking about me. 172 00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:52,620 (chuckles awkwardly) 173 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,989 Uh, who has hot girl energy now? 174 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,692 What did you offer him? Money? Drugs? 175 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:00,694 A free ride to the airport to be cashed in at any time? 176 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:02,763 Just some good conversation, couple of LOLs, 177 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,499 a recap of a cult documentary I just finished-- 178 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,034 Wait, so... 179 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,936 are you saying he just... 180 00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,137 he just likes you? 181 00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:11,505 I guess so. 182 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:12,740 Hmm. 183 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,041 What? What did I do? 184 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,375 I'm seeing you through a new lens, 185 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:18,345 and... I like what I see. 186 00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:20,914 Hmm. Which is confusing. 187 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:24,518 MIGUEL: So, 188 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:25,853 are you free tonight? 189 00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,488 -I'd love to take you out. -(chuckles) 190 00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:30,157 I'd love you to take me in. (laughs) 191 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,392 (stammers) Just to a restaurant. Yeah, a restaurant. 192 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:33,894 Not whatever else that could mean. 193 00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,896 So, it's a... it's a date? 194 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,264 It is a date. 195 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:40,901 (shouts awkwardly) 196 00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,235 Yeah, I thought you fell, 197 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,004 but I see you had one more step, sir. 198 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,707 The ladder makes you higher up than without the ladder. 199 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,008 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, up there, 200 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,409 you're just like in space and now you're-- 201 00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,644 Give me your phone. I'll add my number. 202 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,913 Short-- Sure. Yes. 203 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,015 Just, oh, now that I think of it, tonight... 204 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,917 actually, I... 205 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:59,086 (phone chimes) 206 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,755 (inhales sharply) 207 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,257 * * 208 00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:05,893 So, you were saying about tonight? 209 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:08,195 Yas, dinner! 210 00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:09,463 You got it. 211 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:14,968 * * 212 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,369 VIC: There she is. 213 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,639 So, how was the date with Ceci's cousin? 214 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,908 Give me a trigger warning if there's sexy stuff, 215 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,275 'cause I consider you a sister, 216 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,444 and sisters do not do sexy stuff. 217 00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:25,813 The date was awful, 218 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,781 and it's my fault because I'm a terrible person, 219 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,249 and I'm only going to tell you this 220 00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,519 because you are an even worse person. 221 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:35,222 Check in with your work wife and get eaten alive, right? 222 00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:37,090 But, yeah, tell me how much he sucked. 223 00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:40,393 He's perfect, it's just that all I could see the entire date 224 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,596 were his little legs dangling off the barstool 225 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,397 'cause his feet didn't touch the ground. 226 00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,166 -Mm. -I don't want to be taller 227 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,635 than the guy I'm dating. 228 00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:50,671 In the fifth grade, I had this growth spurt 229 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,740 and, like, all the kids called me "giraffe" 230 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,808 and fed me lettuce. I was so gassy that year. 231 00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,778 You ate the lettuce they fed you? 232 00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:00,413 I also think I kind of liked the attention. 233 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,716 It was a really confusing time for me. 234 00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,519 I can't go out with Miguel again. 235 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,821 They gave him a kid menu by mistake. 236 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,022 Mm. 237 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,824 -Hey, hot girl. -Hi. 238 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,226 Oh, my God, Miguel is so into you. 239 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,128 -Oh? -Yeah, I know, right? 240 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,630 I can't believe I didn't see it before. 241 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:19,199 But you're actually, like, really pretty. 242 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,001 Like, you know, when you... (squeals) 243 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:22,369 And, you know, I never thought of you as funny, 244 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:23,937 but Miguel says you're funny, 245 00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:26,039 and now that I'm, like, thinking back on it, like, 246 00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,440 I think those were jokes, right? 247 00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:29,109 -Yeah. -Either way, 248 00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,678 it's perfect timing because I just chipped a nail, 249 00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:33,212 so you and me are getting nails done at lunch. 250 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,182 Wait, you're taking me to see Blanca? 251 00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:37,017 -(squeals) -(shudders) 252 00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:38,150 We're going to see Blanca. 253 00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:39,519 Ha-ha! 254 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,054 So, what did you think of Miguel? 255 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,590 I was just telling Vic... 256 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,558 ...he's perfect. 257 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:47,494 Oh! My God. Bring it in, hermana. 258 00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:48,996 Ooh! 259 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,564 (whispers): Blanca. 260 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,966 And it turned out I was talking about my chair 261 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,868 to AI the whole time. 262 00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,203 I do not know him. I'll make sure 263 00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:57,537 to get a statement from him as well. 264 00:08:57,638 --> 00:09:00,574 No, it's artificial intelligence. 265 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:03,176 And the train goes off the tracks. 266 00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,779 Barb Berry. Manager. 267 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,280 I know who you are. Can I help you? 268 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,882 I can help you. 269 00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:12,485 Gregg, he's well-intentioned, but we can handle this in-house, 270 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,054 so you can get back to scratching 271 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:15,689 Big Sac's other itches. 272 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,057 No, I'm sorry. "Big Sac"? 273 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,126 That's what Barb calls "Sacramento." 274 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,828 It's a whole thing. 275 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,062 Can we get back to my statement? 276 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,197 It's a classic case of an employee 277 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,166 who got tired of hearing the N-word. 278 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,434 Excuse me? 279 00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,102 Barb thinks the N-word means "No." 280 00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:30,270 She grew up very sheltered. 281 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,739 She had a prize-winning cow 282 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:34,608 at the 2006 Minnesota State Fair, 283 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:35,976 -okay? -Heidi the Holstein. 284 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,410 She was a milker. 285 00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:40,280 You wouldn't believe the teats on this thing. 286 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:43,116 -Okay. -(clicking tongue) 287 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:48,021 Anyways, can we get back to talking about my chair? 288 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,290 See, it's his inability to see the bigger picture 289 00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,059 which leads him to act a little, 290 00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,728 dare I say it, R-word. 291 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,897 "Ridiculous." "Ridiculous." 292 00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,298 I'm starting to get a really good sense 293 00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,833 -of what's going on here. -That's great. 294 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,735 Does this have anything to do with my chair? 295 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:03,370 I think I have everything I need on that front. 296 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,238 I don't think you have anything you need on that front. 297 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,074 Oh, you settle down. 298 00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:08,809 You're treating her like she's a little C-word. 299 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,177 -Oh, okay. -No, no, "child." 300 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,879 She means "child." 301 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,613 Leave me the room. I will get back in touch with you shortly. 302 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,149 In the meantime, do not communicate with each other. 303 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,152 (Gregg sighs) 304 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,956 Ta-ta, lawsuit. 305 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,325 Just remember, it's not personal. 306 00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:29,129 -She's an artist. -Blanca did not disappoint. 307 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,430 Mm-mm, never. 308 00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:33,500 -I love these. -Mm, never disappoints. 309 00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:35,602 (glass shatters) 310 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,504 Still getting used to where my fingers end. 311 00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,139 It takes time. As does wiping. 312 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,307 -Oh. -Okay, so, 313 00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:41,909 I'm not supposed to tell you this, 314 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,777 but Miguel is gonna surprise you with lunch today. 315 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:44,945 How cute is he? 316 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:47,347 Oh, my God. I'm dying. 317 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:49,049 Okay, listen, I'm going to drop a text 318 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,483 to the Hot Gurlz chain right now 319 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,586 because those nails need to go dancing tonight. 320 00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,088 Yas, queen! 321 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,824 Is that still a thing? 322 00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:58,025 Colette? 323 00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,027 -Yes, Vic. -Let me tell you 324 00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,062 a story about a wide-eyed freshman 325 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,331 who dreamed of playing lacrosse, and a coach 326 00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,466 who took a "special interest" in him. 327 00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,268 Oh, my God. 328 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,170 You're a survivor? 329 00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:11,504 So much makes sense now. 330 00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:12,773 What? No. 331 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:16,543 Coach Bartlet made me think I was good. 332 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,879 Good enough to play in college. 333 00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,347 He'd bring me home after practice, 334 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,515 run drills with me on the weekends. 335 00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:24,684 But then, when the rosters got posted, 336 00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,186 guess who got screwed? 337 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,320 You? 338 00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,389 -My foster mom. -Oh. 339 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,024 He used me to get to her. 340 00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:34,828 Just like you're using Miguel to get to Ceci. 341 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,565 But if I tell Miguel that I don't like him, 342 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,067 Ceci's gonna hate me. 343 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,870 And did you not hear just then about the dancing? 344 00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:45,505 You'd be dancing on a bed of lies. 345 00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:49,376 So how do I get Miguel to, like, break up with me? 346 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,411 Hmm. 347 00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:53,380 I'm-I'm ready to get serious, 348 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,183 so do you want to talk about parenting styles 349 00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:57,550 or wedding venues first? 350 00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,519 Because my mom-- oh, my God-- she has, 351 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:03,190 like, tons of opinions on both, so, yeah, 352 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,258 if you want a say, speak up now. (laughs) 353 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:06,559 (sighs) 354 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:07,995 I don't think I can do this. 355 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,430 Oh, no. 356 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,802 * * 357 00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,609 BRENT: Excuse me. 358 00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:25,245 Uh, nope, nope, nope, nope. 359 00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:26,780 (Noa sighs) 360 00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,548 A wheelbarrow full of pennies? 361 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,350 Had to wrestle it away from my gardener. 362 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,085 The wheelbarrow, not the pennies. 363 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,686 I got those from the bank. 364 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,423 They came rolled, but I thought where's the fun in that? 365 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:39,092 That way, you can hand-count them. 366 00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,461 You know, to make sure it's right. 367 00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:44,764 Give me a moment, mate. 368 00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:46,466 (laughs) 369 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,102 I'm super rich, by the way. This is just a bit. 370 00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:53,140 I'm ready to mess with this little douche. 371 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:59,346 Sounds like someone's American balls just dropped. 372 00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,249 Mr. Mosley, I'd like to apologize 373 00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:04,484 on behalf of the state, but not in a way 374 00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,319 that acknowledges any real responsibility. 375 00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,421 Of course. Can I finish my statement? 376 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:09,656 No need. 377 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:10,991 The DMV is offering you a settlement. 378 00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:12,659 We all know this is about the money. 379 00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:14,327 This is about the principle. 380 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,130 For months, I have suffered the indignity of this chair, 381 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:21,101 and your organization simply refusing to replace it. 382 00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:22,502 I don't want your money. 383 00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,037 We're offering you $100,000. 384 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:26,206 Deal. 385 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,308 I'll finish the paperwork in the interview room. 386 00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,143 And, of course, we're firing Barb. 387 00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,679 What? Why? 388 00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:34,314 Because our goal is zero lawsuits 389 00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:35,648 and she's a total liability. 390 00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:37,417 Yeah, but she's a good manager, 391 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:40,420 and her word slip-ups are actually kind of funny. 392 00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,489 I don't find anything funny. I work for HR. 393 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,290 My job is to be humorless. 394 00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,493 No, that's my wife's job. 395 00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:47,594 (chuckles) 396 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,530 Wow, you're good at what you do. 397 00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:54,734 * * 398 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,876 -Hey, girl. -CECI: Ooh. 399 00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,878 So, how was lunch with Miguel? 400 00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,113 (both squealing) 401 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,181 You know what? It was kind of a bummer, 402 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,649 actually. Yeah. 403 00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:11,584 He doesn't want to go out again. Wah. 404 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:12,785 Oh, well. 405 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,054 On to the next. 406 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,522 -I'm sorry, what? -It's okay. 407 00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:16,957 I wanted to get too serious too fast. 408 00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,459 Anyway, what are we wearing tonight? 409 00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:22,295 And how do you put on clothes with these ladies? 410 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,630 No, this is not okay. 411 00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,098 Because buttons are off-limits, obvs. 412 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,334 No, you do not break up with your cousin's girl. 413 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,736 He's still in the parking lot. I'm gonna go kick his ass. 414 00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:31,338 -Don't worry. -No, no, no. I don't blame him. 415 00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,140 I mean, I'm a lot. Sometimes I wish I could stop 416 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,540 -seeing me. -No, mami. 417 00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,977 Relax, okay? This relationship is not over. 418 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,645 He didn't even give it a chance. 419 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:39,980 Hold my earrings. 420 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,648 I got you, girl. 421 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:42,682 Miguel! 422 00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,551 See, now, how did you do that? 423 00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:46,753 (door closes) 424 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,060 -¡Oye, Miguel Antonio! -Hey. 425 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,695 ¿Cómo es que te gustaba esta mañana y en la tarde 426 00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,264 la tiraste pa' fuera? 427 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,665 Tú dices que queieres algo serio. Hello! 428 00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:02,669 Mira esos pies, son horribles. 429 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,672 God, you are so superficial, Miguel, I can't believe it. 430 00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,607 Patético. 431 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,542 -I'm sorry, Colette. -Mm-hmm. 432 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:10,944 I had a lot of fun with you last night, 433 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:13,113 but when I saw your feet at lunch... 434 00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:15,548 Well, every man has his limits. 435 00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:18,251 Seriously? You had to get a running start 436 00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,087 to get on that barstool last night. 437 00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:21,888 -What? -The only limits you have 438 00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:23,756 are on roller coasters. 439 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:25,092 Wow, Colette. 440 00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:28,361 What? Now we each said a mean thing. 441 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,963 Vete. 442 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,231 I'm gonna keep these. 443 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,900 I'm not. I'll put them on your desk. 444 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,335 Sorry. 445 00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,470 AUTOMATED VOICE: ...window number four. 446 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,539 My colleague will be helping with the pennies. 447 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,975 Well, as professional DMV employees, 448 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,044 I knew you'd find the least efficient way to manage it. 449 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,446 I understand this, uh, number of pennies in here 450 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:47,580 covers your fees exactly? 451 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,782 -Uh-huh. -I just love pennies. 452 00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,284 Oops. 453 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,487 Well, take a penny, leave a penny. 454 00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,058 (groans) You know, I just remembered. 455 00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:01,594 The penny I dropped was actually a Canadian penny. 456 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:02,929 -Oh. -Oh, no. 457 00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:05,065 I'm sorry, we don't accept foreign currency. 458 00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,399 -Mm. -Okay. 459 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,634 -Well, I'll just-- -Ah. 460 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,269 Whoopsie. 461 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,105 Just like the feel of 'em in my fingers. 462 00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:13,773 No problem. 463 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,976 'Cause guess who brought a backup penny? Me. 464 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,478 -I did. -(penny clatters) 465 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,047 Great. 466 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:21,648 Yeah. 467 00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:22,949 Oh, wait. 468 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,218 That darn Canadian penny is still in there, 469 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,320 which means he's overpaid. 470 00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,356 Which sounds a lot like... 471 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,657 -bribery. -Bribery. 472 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:31,958 I think his only option is 473 00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,660 to either find the Canadian penny 474 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:34,761 or... 475 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,164 you pay the credit card fee. 476 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:40,533 I'm gonna find that Canadian penny, and when I do, 477 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:42,602 I'm gonna shove it down your throat! 478 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:43,870 Have at it. 479 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,772 Throat's open till 4:30. 480 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:46,973 (chuckles) 481 00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:49,276 -Okay. -(clears throat) 482 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,810 * * 483 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:52,879 -(exclaims) Yes. -Yes. 484 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:57,584 BARB: Beep-beep. 485 00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,387 * Delivery for Greggory! * 486 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,722 Barb, you know we're not supposed to be talking. 487 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,592 I know, that's why I brought this disguise. 488 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,229 It's me. 489 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,864 Listen, no matter what happens with the lawsuit, 490 00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:13,532 I want you to enjoy working here, 491 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:17,137 so even though you say it's not about the chair, 492 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,371 I got you a new one. 493 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,573 That... that's really nice, Barb. 494 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,076 It even massages your caboose. 495 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,178 Wait, did you try it out? 496 00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:26,746 Can confirm. 497 00:17:26,878 --> 00:17:28,548 But you gotta get down to your skivvies to really feel it. 498 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,550 * * 499 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,487 I have a counteroffer. 500 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,389 We can't go over 100K. If we go over 100K, 501 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,825 it eats into the Powerball prize, and I play Powerball 502 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,393 because I find it exciting. 503 00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:43,830 Okay. If you promise not to fire Barb, 504 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,265 I'll drop the lawsuit. 505 00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,367 Why would you do that? It's life-changing money. 506 00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,136 You could travel the world with your wife. 507 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,937 I don't want to travel anywhere with my wife, 508 00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,806 unless I'm ashes and we're going somewhere to spread me. 509 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,108 Barb is my friend. 510 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,043 She's highly inappropriate. 511 00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:59,579 But you said the goal was zero lawsuits. 512 00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,013 Okay. 513 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,450 Fill out this form and mail it back to me. 514 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,917 And just to be clear, 515 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,586 this friendship is worth more than $100,000? 516 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,455 Give me the form before I change my mind. 517 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,590 (groans) 518 00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:12,091 * 519 00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:14,394 Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. 520 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,430 Canadian! Where's the Canadian penny? 521 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,600 Where is it?! Where is it?! 522 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,703 Hey. 523 00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,305 We good, bestie? 524 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,640 Oh-ho, we bad, footsie. 525 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,109 I'm sorry that I called Miguel short. 526 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,311 I wasn't trying to be mean, 527 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:32,779 -it's just-- -Okay, listen. 528 00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,947 -You are shallow as hell, girl. -I'm really not. 529 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,649 And, like, not to be all "me, me, me," 530 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:40,987 but does this mean that I'm, like, off the Hot Gurlz chain? 531 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,822 Mami, you humiliated an innocent man. 532 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,457 My mejor primo, no less, 533 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:45,825 -okay? -Mejor, yeah. 534 00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:48,828 So while I may take it personally, 535 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,130 that was extremely "hot girl" behavior 536 00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,632 and I have to respect it. 537 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:55,202 Wait, wait, wait. Does that mean... 538 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,569 Yeah, you're still on the chain. 539 00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:58,438 -(laughs) -Now if you'll excuse me, 540 00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:01,341 I am not a prejudiced princess like you, 541 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,842 and I love a short king, 542 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,511 and there's a rich little one in the waiting area 543 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:06,012 throwing a tantrum right now. 544 00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:08,114 And a short torso with a shorter fuse 545 00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:11,518 is exactly what the doctor prescribed. 546 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,686 You get it, Mama. Ow. 547 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,155 Damn. 548 00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:20,327 Heard the lawsuit fell through. 549 00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:21,661 Oh, yeah. 550 00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:23,896 There were some issues. Attorneys. (laughs) 551 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,165 Yeah. Well, I'm real sorry. 552 00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,166 Thanks. 553 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,568 I'll get justice. 554 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,203 I just have to find another way. 555 00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,004 Hey, maybe we'll get to work together 556 00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,039 for another 12 years. 557 00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:35,007 (chuckles) God, I hope not. 558 00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,944 You want me to wheel that out to the dumpster? 559 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,680 No, I was thinking maybe we could just 560 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,215 leave it there at the empty desk. 561 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:43,182 Yeah, you're right. 562 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:44,551 We don't get rid of things 563 00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,253 just 'cause they're old and cranky. 564 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:47,520 (chuckles) Right. 565 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,989 Or well-intentioned but faulty. 566 00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:51,558 (laughs) 567 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:52,792 I don't get that one. 568 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,227 (chuckles) 569 00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:57,730 Thanks for the chair, Barb. 570 00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,900 * * 571 00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:02,735 Oh! 572 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:05,037 Get in here for a big old B.J. 573 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,740 You know, maybe you should start calling these 574 00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:09,075 "Barb Jiggles" instead. 575 00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,315 Where is it?! Where is it?! 576 00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:17,049 Where is it?! 577 00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:21,754 CECI: Hello, down there. 578 00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:23,089 You look like Scrooge McDuck, 579 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:24,591 diving through your pile of pennies. 580 00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,559 Now stand up so I can see if our parts line up. 581 00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,227 I don't like to work hard. 582 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,064 Yes, ma'am. 583 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:35,368 * * 584 00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:38,571 I like you. 585 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,940 And I like to watch rich people do poor people things, 586 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,542 like count pennies. 587 00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:44,677 You're gonna ruin my life, aren't you? 588 00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,846 Mm. I haven't decided yet. 589 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,581 Oh, God. 590 00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:51,083 * * 591 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,753 -Get back down there. -Okay. 592 00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:01,861 Captioning sponsored by CBS 593 00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:04,597 and TOYOTA. 594 00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:08,000 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org