1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,240 Right! Johannes. Don't forget your aftershave 2 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:08,280 - and anti-snoring nasal strips. - Thank you, Buki. 3 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,440 - And your athlete's foot spray. - Ah, yeah. 4 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:12,600 It really flared up under my bandage. 5 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,640 But I guess if you get a fungus hot and damp, 6 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,360 you're going to have issues, eh? 7 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,120 THEY LAUGH 8 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:21,280 I'm not going to miss sharing a bathroom with four people, 9 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:24,240 but I'm really going to miss you. 10 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:26,800 Oh! I'm going to miss you, too! 11 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,520 But if you will live on the other side of London... 12 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:31,960 Actually, Amanda - I got you a little surprise. 13 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,560 - Oh! - As a thank you for looking 14 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,480 after me while I was recovering from my war wound. 15 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,040 Johannes, it was a snake bite. 16 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,960 That snake went to war with me, Amanda. 17 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,360 It wanted me dead. 18 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,200 Hmm... 19 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,480 Ta-da! 20 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:46,960 Oh... 21 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:50,360 Oh! Oh, my God, Johannes! 22 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,040 Yah. It's a hybrid - like us. 23 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,200 Cos I love petrol and you love electric. 24 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,160 And look, look, look. 25 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,120 It's got a personalised number plate. 26 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,000 It says, "Sensuous." 27 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,600 Yeah, it does! 28 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,640 But my business is "Senuous". 29 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,160 I don't see what you're saying. 30 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:10,960 Oh, I don't want to be difficult, but it's got too many 5s. 31 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,200 It should be 5-E-N-U-0-U-5. 32 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,840 Well, you have to disguise some of the letters as numbers because... 33 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:20,120 No, I know that, sweetheart, but you've done 5-E-N-5-U-0-U-5. 34 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,880 And it should be 5-E-N-U-0-U-5. 35 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,520 - Amanda, I'm confused. Do you want the car or not? - YES! 36 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,680 I love...I love...I love it! 37 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,400 CAR REVS 38 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,320 {\an8}You know when people say, 39 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:42,720 {\an8}"It's like watching a car crash in slow motion"? 40 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,120 This is what they mean. 41 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,240 Johannes bought her that. 42 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,280 Apart from the fact I'm a massive lesbian, 43 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,440 I do not understand what she sees in that huge plate of gammon. 44 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,200 Yeah. I think we were all rooting for the snake. 45 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,000 FI LAUGHS 46 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,480 - Eh-up, here she comes. - Hi! - Hi, Georgie! 47 00:01:58,480 --> 00:01:59,880 What's with the wristbands? 48 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,040 I dunno. 49 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,040 RSI? Too much texting? 50 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,000 - Nice wheels, Amanda! - Yeah. 51 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,160 Little thank you from Johannes for being his sexy Florence Nightingale. 52 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,560 Christ. No-one ever tell him the going rate for a nurse? 53 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,880 What's the price tag on that thing? 54 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,520 I didn't ask, and I don't care. 55 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,440 PHONE BUZZES 56 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,440 It's a very lovely gift. 57 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,400 - Diego. - 98 grand. 58 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,760 Fi! 59 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,680 I said I didn't care. 60 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,760 Is it six figures with the sunroof? Yeah. 61 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:32,560 - Hi! - Hey, hey, hey! - Hey, Anne! - Great news, you guys! 62 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:36,880 The Bierkeller says he'll do us a keg of Hoppy Seconds at cost. 63 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,440 - Oh, that's great. - Yeah. - What's this? 64 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,120 Oh, we're just trying to organise the end-of-season awards party 65 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,160 - for the club. - Oh. 66 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,400 Last year was such a blast, so we're going for the same again. 67 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:49,360 So, keg of beer, bit of a barbecue, Mal and Ned's famous disco. 68 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,000 Anne, no. Come on. 69 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,720 Surely we can aim a little higher that. 70 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:55,200 That's all the subs will cover, sadly. 71 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:58,080 We're not exactly Tottenham's Hotspur. 72 00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,480 How are you a coach? 73 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:04,280 Well, if it's a money issue, we might be able to lend a hand. 74 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:07,000 - The royal "we"? - Johannes and I. 75 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,160 If you don't mind making a little donation... 76 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,560 - Sure. - ..we wouldn't say no to some cava and a bucket of Haribo. 77 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,200 Anne, that's not how you spend money. 78 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,760 Oi! Posh Spice! You've blocked me in! 79 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,080 - It's fine. - "Sensuous"?! 80 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:24,480 - Move it or I'll slash your tyres! - Actually, I'm going to move it. 81 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:27,720 It's actually "Senuous"! The middle S is a 5. 82 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:32,720 PHONE RINGS 83 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:35,960 SHE SIGHS 84 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,280 - Mummy. I'm mid co-lab. - I know. 85 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:41,720 I'm actually in the market for, um, a fizzy tap. 86 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,400 You've got a fizzy tap. 87 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:46,240 Look, if you're bored, why don't you give Fi a call, see if she's around? 88 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:47,400 I'm not bored. 89 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,360 I'm just thinking of you, all cooped up in your showroom. 90 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,760 And I was thinking, you're looking a bit... 91 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,160 - Thin? - ..tired. 92 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,440 - You've got bags under your eyes. - Well, I'm fine. 93 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,200 - Thank you. - Amanda! - OK. 94 00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,600 I've gotta go, Mummy. 95 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,160 Yes? 96 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,160 SHE CLEARS HER THROAT 97 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,800 Amanda, can you do a delivery for me to east London? 98 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,760 Do I look like a postman, Daniel? 99 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,280 Look, it's 500 quid's worth of taps and they've asked for you by name. 100 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,720 Who orders £500 worth of taps? 101 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,040 Ah! Ah! Ah! 102 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,600 Ah! Ah! 103 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,640 Oh, man. 104 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,680 Worth every penny. 105 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:29,000 - The taps! I'm talking about the taps I ordered. - Johannes! 106 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,200 Sorry, I just missed this so much. 107 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,160 Listen, Johannes. 108 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:38,600 Um, I was wondering if you thought it'd be fun to sponsor 109 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:41,200 the kids' football awards this year? 110 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,920 Just cos it's such a deprived area and, um... 111 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,560 Yeah, sure. 112 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,760 - Really? - Yeah. - Oh! 113 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,640 Oh, they'll be thrilled. 114 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,160 Could be a nice little, uh, send-off. 115 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,880 - A what? - Well, I've been thinking about your living situation. 116 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,160 And, er... 117 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:09,680 Oh, my God! Johannes, you've bought me a house?! 118 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:12,200 Oh, my God! 119 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,480 I haven't bought you a house, Amanda. 120 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,200 I've only just bought you a car! 121 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,440 HE LAUGHS 122 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,440 Oh! 123 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,600 Greedy birdy! No, these are the keys are to THIS place. 124 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,600 - I thought you and the kids might like to move in. - Oh! 125 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,520 There's tons of space, got a bathroom each. 126 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,120 The guy upstairs lives in Singapore, 127 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,800 and the guy downstairs had his assets frozen, so talk about quiet. 128 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,640 - Yeah. - And look at the view. 129 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,640 You know we get seals here? 130 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,320 What about the kids' schools? 131 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,280 Oh, I'll just pay for St Anthony's. 132 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,800 It's much better than the dump they're at now. 133 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,920 God, that's so kind. 134 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:48,760 Can I think about it? 135 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,240 Yeah, of course. It's a big step. 136 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:51,560 Yes! For both of us! Yes! 137 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:55,680 50 years a bachelor and I'm throwing my keys around willy-nilly. 138 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,520 What have you done to me, Amanda? 139 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:58,760 I've lost my bloody mind. 140 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:02,080 Johannes, can we...? Let's not say anything to the kids just yet. 141 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,960 Just... I need to find the right time to talk to them about it. 142 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,440 Anything for milady. 143 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:14,080 Oh, hey, hey, hey, look, look! Look, a seal! 144 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,040 - Oh, wow! - Look at the little fella. 145 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,840 - Awww! - Ha-ha! 146 00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:20,040 Oh, wait, wait. No, it's a... 147 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,720 It's a tyre. 148 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:22,920 Oh. 149 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:30,520 Yes, so we'll just wait a couple more minutes until we have everyone 150 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,560 - and then... - Sorry I'm late. 151 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,440 - Here she is. - Mad day at my co-lab. 152 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:38,280 - Budge up, Anne. - Sorry, Amanda, I'll get out of your way. 153 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:41,000 OK! Right, let's get started. 154 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,040 - Great. - OK. 155 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,360 So, um, I think you all know Amanda, 156 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:48,600 who has very kindly offered to sponsor this year's event. 157 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,360 Namaste, guys. I'm just glad we can give something back. 158 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,040 So I think we can all agree that, like, 159 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:57,480 last year's party was pretty awesome, so, as the old saying goes, 160 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,120 you know, "If it ain't broke, don't go tinkering with the original." 161 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,120 I just think we've had a terrific year as a club 162 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,400 and it's time we had a bit more pride in ourselves. 163 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:09,040 You know, we could, like, park the barbecue and get a caterer in. 164 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,680 Oh, I could do my sausage rolls! 165 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,640 Because there ain't no party like an Anne's sausage party. 166 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,160 No, thank you, Anne. No. 167 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,840 We are getting professionals in. 168 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,440 Can you see if the people who did my 40th birthday are available? 169 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,240 They've gone out of business. 170 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,800 - In a year? - Well, that was actually five years ago, 171 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,760 - because you're forty fi... - I'm thinking photo booth, 172 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:29,200 churros machine, um... 173 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:33,320 I'm spitballing here, guys. A mixologist. Professional DJ. 174 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,080 Whoa, whoa, whoa, come on! 175 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,520 The only reason I got involved with any of this football shit 176 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,560 is so me and Ned can DJ the party. 177 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,240 OK, Mal. Sure. 178 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,480 Though, it isn't all about you. 179 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:47,600 Can I just get some plain old cava? 180 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,280 I'm not great with the cocktails. 181 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:51,040 It mixes together fine in the metal thingy, 182 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,800 but once it hits my colon, it's like the rapids in Center Parcs. 183 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,720 Fine, we'll get some cava. 184 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,600 - Great. Yeah. - Well, that's sorted, then! 185 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,360 I will call my friend at Bluebird and get him started 186 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:01,880 on the cocktail design. 187 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,880 And you call the churros people. 188 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,920 That was a really brilliant idea. 189 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,520 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 190 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,640 It's great to see her back to her old self. 191 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,440 She's had a bit of a crappy year, 192 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,840 so maybe just let her have this one thing. 193 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:20,160 That's what they said about Poland. 194 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,800 Yeah. So we just need... 195 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:26,200 Mika, to the left. 196 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:27,880 No, your other left. 197 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:30,440 Actually. Sorry. No, I was right. To the left. 198 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,160 Right, right. 199 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,040 Yeah. No, I didn't order cava. 200 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,120 That stuff tastes like fizzy piss. 201 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:39,160 You'll have to send it back and knock it off the bill, yeah? 202 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,640 Yeah. That's it, that's it, that's it. 203 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,680 - Just put it just there. - Would you look at this? 204 00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:45,320 It's like the New York Mets Gala in here. 205 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,680 That's two different things, Anne, but, yeah. 206 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:49,280 - Love the banner. - Mm. 207 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,600 Johannes got that printed. Such a nice thought. 208 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,120 Look, I know you said not to, Amanda, but I made some of my famous 209 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,800 sausage rolls, just in case. 210 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,320 - They're not famous, Anne. - They are in my house. - Yes. 211 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,560 That's not what "famous" means. Let's leave the catering 212 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:02,520 to the caterers, shall we? 213 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,000 OK, everyone, all hands on deck! 214 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,600 # Make the body move... # 215 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,240 Ah, yeah! 216 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,240 THEY LAUGH 217 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,440 Sorry, er, what does an Off-side Mule have in it? 218 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:18,000 - It's a Moscow Mule. - Oh, that's very good. 219 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,680 And the, um, the Pina Red-Carda? 220 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:23,960 - It's a Pina Colada. - Oh, that's very clever. 221 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:26,600 - Hey. - Bleurgh! 222 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,520 Huh! Someone's on it. 223 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:32,920 I have to tell Fi the business is going under. 224 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,320 What, here? 225 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,400 Yep. Safety in numbers. 226 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,200 And coming out to my parents taught me that I require 227 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,000 a very specific amount of alcohol before I reach a place 228 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,200 - of complete honesty. - What's the amount? 229 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,000 Oh, it's a very delicate balance. 230 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,800 The trick is to stop just south of vomiting. 231 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:50,960 Hmm. 232 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,080 - Did you decide on a cocktail? - Oh, no. 233 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:56,960 - Could I please have a glass of cava? - We haven't got cava. - What? - Hey! 234 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:01,080 Could I get a SoHa Moja and a Golden Baller 235 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:02,880 for Mr Van der Velde, please? 236 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,240 Amanda, you forgot my cava. 237 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,240 Yes. Johannes sent it back. 238 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,920 He says it's not a proper drink, Anne. 239 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:10,600 It's just Spain pretending to be France. 240 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,800 Have something else. Come on, be adventurous! 241 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:14,360 - And for you? - Just a beer, please. 242 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,240 Sorry, we ain't got beer tonight. It's just cocktails. 243 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,560 The Aussie guy said so. 244 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:20,160 Welcome. This must be your beautiful wife or girlfriend. 245 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:23,320 - I don't know. - Oh, yeah. Because football fans famously hate beer. 246 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,720 Come on! You can have your tinnies and your cheap bubbles any time. 247 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:27,840 Let's keep it classy for one night. 248 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,680 I'm trying to raise the bar here. 249 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,600 Literally. 250 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:32,960 Thank you, Jude. 251 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,040 MUSIC PLAYS 252 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,120 CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS 253 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:41,480 Oh! 254 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,720 Mummy, look at you. 255 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:44,920 Are you staying? 256 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,720 Well, the kids virtually begged me, and so I jiggled a few things 257 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:49,480 - around in the diary. - Oh, that's great. 258 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,880 Georgie, take the wristband off. You look like Andy Murray. 259 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,280 I like it - it's cool. 260 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:54,800 It doesn't go with the dress, darling. 261 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,600 Well, neither did your plaid shirts and chokers, 262 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:57,760 but we let it go. 263 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,680 - Actually, Mummy, I'm glad I've got you. - What, generally, or...? 264 00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:04,640 Don't say anything to the kids, but Johannes has asked us to move 265 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,920 into his place in Wapping. 266 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,360 Well, that's a very kind offer. 267 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:13,640 Yeah, he's so generous, and he worships me. 268 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:17,000 But I don't know if it feels like things are moving too fast or... 269 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,760 Well, sometimes you have to move fast, don't you? 270 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,920 I mean, you're not getting any younger. 271 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,600 Well, none of us are. 272 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,720 I think my dermatologist would disagree. 273 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,320 Look, I know I pretended to like this place. 274 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:32,160 - You haven't. - Wapping is the new Holland Park. 275 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,520 I'm so excited. 276 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,400 Good for you, darling. 277 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,080 - Thank you, Mummy. - Please welcome to the stage... 278 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,520 Oh! It's starting. Get yourself a drink. 279 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,080 Good evening, everyone. Thank you so much for coming. 280 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,720 We've got lots to get through this evening. 281 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,520 - Lots of awards to give out. - Could I have a Goal Fashioned 282 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,400 without the bitters or the soda water? 283 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,040 - That's just a whisky. - Yeah. 284 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,440 Three of those - in one glass. 285 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:56,400 Well, it's been a very positive season for the under-11s. 286 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,840 Our unbeaten record in ten of our 18 games. 287 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:01,600 Thanks. 288 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,000 - FI COUGHS - Christ! What the hell's in that? 289 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,520 Oh, that...that might be mine. 290 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,400 Here. 291 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,480 Oh, my God, is that a tattoo? 292 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,440 - It's just pen. Chill. - Pen, my hole. 293 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,760 That is a prison tattoo. Have you seen that? 294 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:16,000 It's not a big deal. 295 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,600 - Please tell me Georgie hasn't got one. - Yeah, of course. 296 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,520 We're best mates. 297 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,520 FI LAUGHS 298 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,320 Please put your hands together for... 299 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,240 - ..JJ. - Woo! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 300 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:27,400 Come on! 301 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,800 And now for the most improved award... 302 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:37,000 ..the award for the Most Improved Player. 303 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,920 The most improved player joined us at the beginning of the season 304 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:44,600 and has quickly become an absolute lynchpin of the team. 305 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,960 I can't wait to see what she does next season. 306 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:51,280 So let's put our hands together for Georgie Hughes. 307 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,400 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 308 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,400 Oh, my God! 309 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,320 WHOOPING 310 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,440 - Johannes, move... - This is my own creation. 311 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,760 I call it the Van der Velde Slammer. 312 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:09,560 Georgie's up. Johannes, sit down. Please, sit down. 313 00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:11,640 - Georgie! - And well done, Georgie. 314 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,960 Up next, it's the under-15s category. 315 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,760 - Didn't get my photo! - Sophie Webster. 316 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:19,440 Come up and collect the award for Player of the Year. 317 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,400 CHEERING 318 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:27,360 Congratulations, Sophie. Right, let's crack on. 319 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:31,240 Finally, please welcome our club secretary, Anne. 320 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,360 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 321 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,040 Come on, Anne! 322 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:39,960 Last but not least, um, a huge thank you to our sponsors... 323 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,040 Ah, you're welcome! 324 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:47,640 - Dick. - ..without whose generosity tonight would be so different. 325 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:51,400 Um, a great big round of applause for Amanda. 326 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,120 - Yes! - Thank you. 327 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,160 Come on! Come on, come on. 328 00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,200 There she is. All right, my baby! 329 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,000 - Woo! - Thanks, everyone. 330 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:06,280 Wow, that is a lot of dewberry goodness. 331 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,640 Um... 332 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:12,560 Thank you, of course, to Anne for, um... 333 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,440 Uh... 334 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,240 Thanks, Anne. Um... 335 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:21,560 So, on behalf of the Van der Velde Senuous Foundation, 336 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:26,720 I just want to say what a privilege it is to support the little guys, 337 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:32,760 you know, because, um, we might be up here, but... 338 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,360 ..we never forget about down there. 339 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:39,240 So, um, have a great evening and enjoy the party. 340 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,160 All right, baby! That's my Amanda! 341 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,440 Thank you. Thanks, Anne. 342 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:43,480 Oh! 343 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,120 # Whoa, baby 344 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,640 # Hey Did I say? 345 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,720 # Ooh Whoa, baby 346 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,040 # Hey 347 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,520 # Oh, be... 348 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:57,640 # Oh, I'll bring you flowers... # 349 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,800 - Hey. - Hey. - Uh, listen, I was wondering, could you play me 350 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,080 a little bit of Rick Astley? 351 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,440 I don't think I have any. 352 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,840 Well, maybe you could just plug your phone in or something. 353 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,240 I'm more of a vinyl guy, you know? Old-school DJ. 354 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,360 Yeah. Well, maybe you could make an exception, seeing as I'm paying 355 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:13,600 for all this. 356 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,200 Yeah, right. I'll, uh... 357 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,600 I'll stick it on after this for you. 358 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,480 - Rick Astley, yeah? - Rick Astley, yeah. 359 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,160 What does she see in that dickhead? 360 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,920 Oh, you know, she seems happy, and I think she's really into him. 361 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:34,280 I don't know about you, but I can't drink another Crossbar-gerhita. 362 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,720 I'm going to sneak out, get some beers. 363 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,280 Anyone want anything? 364 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:41,320 Ah! Now you're talking my language. 365 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,400 No, we can't, because Amanda will kill us. 366 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,920 She wants everything all fancy in here. 367 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,840 Well, if you can't drink it in here, 368 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,280 there's always the shipping container out the back. 369 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,960 - Yes, mate! - Cava! Two bottles. 370 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,960 - I have money. - Sh! 371 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,320 Woo! 372 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,080 Georgie! Woo! 373 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,360 Sweetheart, come on. 374 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,480 - It'll be like when the Beckhams do it. Here. - No. 375 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,080 OK, well, just take the wristband off. 376 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:08,800 - No, it's cool. - Just for the photo. 377 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,160 You won't want to look back on yourself in sports casual. 378 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:12,400 - Oh. - OK. 379 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,320 There we go. There we go. 380 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,280 See, darling, like this. Like this. Put your hands like this. 381 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:17,960 There we... 382 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,960 - OMG, is that a tattoo? - No. 383 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,240 AMANDA GASPS 384 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,680 Only a little one. Me and Morten did them to each other. 385 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,040 Why would you do that? 386 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:27,480 - Because we're best mates. - No, you're not. 387 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,160 You're two kids who ended up in the same class for a bit. 388 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,720 You're going to look at that scab of hepatitis in a few years, 389 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,800 and you're going to say, "What was I thinking?" 390 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,040 - No, I won't. - You will, Georgie. 391 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,320 I don't know anyone from when I was your age. 392 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,920 - What does that tell you? - That nobody likes you? 393 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,480 LAUGHTER 394 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:51,320 - Oh, here she is. - Yes! 395 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,240 - Keep the noise down. - Come on, Fi! 396 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,880 - Bubbles for Anne. - Gasping for this. I'm gasping! 397 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,560 And we've got beers for boys. 398 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,720 CORK POPS 399 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,720 - Oh. - She's lively. 400 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,360 Sh! 401 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,520 - Sorry. - I'll get you a glass, man. - Cheers. 402 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:09,360 # I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling 403 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:12,320 # Gotta make you understand 404 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,600 # Never gonna give you up 405 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,840 # Never gonna let you down... # 406 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,240 Oh! 407 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,640 Someone needs to be filming this. 408 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,880 Where's Anne? 409 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,200 Can I say - you look insanely hot tonight. 410 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,760 I sent, like, five photos of you to my rugby mates' 411 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,560 WhatsApp group and they all agree you're a stone-cold ten. 412 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,400 The place looks great. You've really polished the turd. 413 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaking of which, there's a great new sports centre in Wapping. 414 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,320 I know, no pressure. 415 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,520 Yeah, can I get, like, an empty wine glass, please? 416 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,280 Thank you. 417 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,480 There you are. I've been looking for you guys. 418 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:48,960 Hey! 419 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,880 Um... I was just getting some ice. 420 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:55,760 Oh! It's hot work spinning the old ones and twos. 421 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,520 Have you seen everyone? Where's Anne? 422 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,200 - We gotta get the whole gang in the photo booth. - Yeah! 423 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:04,240 - Come on. - I'm not sure where... - It'll be so good. I know. 424 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,320 Well, me and you, then? 425 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,000 Come on. Upstairs, Downstairs. 426 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,560 THEY LAUGH 427 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,200 - It's such a fun party, isn't it? - Oh, it's so fun. 428 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:23,080 Oh, he's so generous, isn't he, Johannes? 429 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:28,120 Yeah. He really knows how to spend money on...things. 430 00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:29,480 Yeah. 431 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,680 - You ready? - Yeah. - OK. 432 00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:41,160 Do you remember the thing you said in the hospital about me 433 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,200 being too good for Johannes? 434 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,480 I don't remember saying anything. 435 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:50,520 I, uh... I had just taken an ecstasy by accident. 436 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,600 - Oh. - Kind of. And, uh, I should, um... 437 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,240 Yeah, yeah. No, I, uh... 438 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,760 Ooof! That really does taste like cappuccino. 439 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,320 I hate the way she talks to me like I'm a kid. 440 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,800 - Yeah, I know, babe. - It really annoys me. 441 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,840 Oh! What's up, sweetheart? 442 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,000 Mum's pissed off because me and Morten got, like, 443 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,240 the tiniest tattoo. 444 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,720 Oh, like she can talk. 445 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:22,200 - What? - Look, I think it's really lovely to have a little memento. 446 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,920 - A little something to remember, um... - Morten. 447 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,080 ..Morten by at your new school. 448 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,000 New school? What? 449 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,160 - Oops. - Gan-Gan, what's going on? 450 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,120 No, it's not for me to say. 451 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,880 Hey, guys. Dope 'fits, for real. 452 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:43,840 Um, have any of you guys seen Morten's mum or your mum, Darius? 453 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,480 - Not for a bit, actually. Sorry. - OK, cool, cool. 454 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:50,280 Gucci. Um... Well, enjoy yourselves, yeah? 455 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,160 Gucci?! 456 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,560 SLURPING 457 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,560 Anne? 458 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,680 Guys? 459 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,520 SLURPING 460 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,280 LAUGHTER 461 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,640 Guys? Anne? 462 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,720 Shit. It's Amanda. 463 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,120 Just... Sh! 464 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,720 I feel like I'm in The Walking Dead. 465 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,920 What are you doing in here? 466 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,720 Why aren't you at my party? 467 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,640 It's not YOUR party, doll. 468 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,160 It's...it's the club's party. 469 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,200 Yeah, I'm just not very cocktails and canopies. 470 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,800 - Canapes. - Exactly. 471 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,480 See, I don't even know that. 472 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,800 And in fairness, we did say we wanted something a bit 473 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,040 more...low key. 474 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,120 Great. 475 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,120 At least we know where we all stand. 476 00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:42,800 And next year, you can have your trough of lager 477 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,800 and your Scotch eggs because I won't be here. 478 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,440 - Don't be like that. - No, I won't be here, Anne. 479 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:50,840 I'm moving to Wapping with Johannes. 480 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:52,320 What?! 481 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,040 No, you're not. You can't move to Wapping. 482 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,880 - What about everything here? - Please, Anne, this was always a stopgap. 483 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,320 I do not belong in South Harlesden. 484 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,600 I should be among people who would appreciate this party. 485 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,920 I'm a canape person, Anne, and I refuse to spend my life 486 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:08,520 amongst sausage rolls. 487 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,960 - Ow! Fucking hot! - Johannes! 488 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,480 - Yes. - Yes, what? 489 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,760 - Yes, I will move to Wapping with you. - Oh, you... 490 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,320 - You will?! - Yeah. - Oh, my God! 491 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:33,400 I'm so fucking happy! 492 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,040 I love this woman! 493 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,120 I bloody love this woman! 494 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:40,160 Mwah! 495 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,600 I'm going to call my mother. 496 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,440 She'll be so relieved! 497 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,560 Um, coming back inside, Anne? 498 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,200 Uh, yeah... 499 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,440 I can't go in there. 500 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,200 I don't want to see her. 501 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,600 Would you tell Darius I'll be waiting outside? 502 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,080 Yeah, of course. 503 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:10,960 I hate her. 504 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,600 It's not fair. She's already made us move school once. 505 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,320 I just love it here. 506 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,400 Oh, girls. You OK? 507 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,800 - What's wrong? - My gan-gan said Mum's moving us to Wapping, 508 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,840 and I don't want to go. 509 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,360 It sucks. But your mammy loves you. 510 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:31,400 And she wouldn't be doing this unless she thought 511 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,680 it was good for you. 512 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:37,960 And sometimes in life, we have to do things that people don't like, 513 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:42,040 because in the long run, it's the right thing to do... 514 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,160 ..even if people might hate you for a bit. 515 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,480 MUSIC PLAYS 516 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,240 God's sake! 517 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,800 That's miles away! 518 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,960 MICROPHONE FEEDBACK 519 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,200 Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. If I could just get a minute 520 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:19,840 of your time, please. 521 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,840 To be honest, I can do because I paid for all this. 522 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,000 HE CHUCKLES 523 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,240 Um... 524 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,040 Amanda! Where's Amanda? 525 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,360 Amanda? 526 00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:32,760 Amanda? Amanda! 527 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,640 There she is. Amanda, come up, girl. 528 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,240 Come up. 529 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,520 Come up here, baby. 530 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,320 What is this? 531 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:42,680 What's going on? 532 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:46,360 Now, I know we haven't known each other for very long at all, 533 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:50,960 but when you've had a near-death experience like I had recently... 534 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,360 ..it makes you realise what's important about life. 535 00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:58,400 So... 536 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,480 GASPS 537 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,280 What have you done to me? 538 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,280 HE LAUGHS 539 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,640 I hardly ever do this. 540 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,040 - What are you going to do? - Amanda? - Yes? 541 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,480 Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife? 542 00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:20,480 Um... 543 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,760 DOOR OPENS 544 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,760 Don't do it, Amanda! 545 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:24,360 - Anne? - No, no, no, no, no... 546 00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:25,840 - Absolutely not. - What the fuck? 547 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,680 - You can't marry him. - What...? 548 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,320 I know you don't want to hear this because he's rich 549 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:31,720 and he has a nice flat. 550 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,360 - It's a penthouse. - It's a penthouse. 551 00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:35,960 But as your best friend, it is my duty to tell you things 552 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,680 that you might not want to hear. And I'm telling you this right now. 553 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,000 You cannot marry him. 554 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,760 You're too good for him. 555 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,560 You're not my best friend, Anne. 556 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:48,000 - Yes, I am. - No, you're not. 557 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,760 My best friend is called Elizabeth, and she lives in Canada. 558 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:52,320 She was my maid of honour. 559 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:56,120 Oh, well, I don't see her here now, Amanda, 560 00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:59,000 stopping you from making the biggest mistake of your life! 561 00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:03,000 We ARE best friends, whether you like it or not. 562 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,680 And that's how I know you don't love him. 563 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:05,760 And don't go telling me, 564 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,200 "Oh, he makes me happy," because you have half a sausage roll 565 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:11,280 on your chin. And if you eating carbs isn't a cry for help, 566 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:12,760 then I don't know what is. 567 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:16,920 So, please...don't marry this dick and don't leave SoHa, 568 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,640 for the love of God. 569 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,480 Right. Well, if the drunk lady's finished with her floor show, then, 570 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,960 - uh... - I'm not even drunk! Thanks to you. 571 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:30,600 Well, if this is you sober, madam, then you are an embarrassment. 572 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,400 Hey. 573 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,680 - Don't talk to her like that. - OK. 574 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,960 OK. Look, I'll make it really simple for you, right? 575 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,640 You know the life I can give you. 576 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,560 Now, do you want that life? 577 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,320 Or would you rather stop here, 578 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,120 drinking shit wine in the arse end of nowhere? 579 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,840 CAR ENGINE STARTS 580 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:54,640 Here you go, darling. 581 00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:58,040 You know what, Amanda?! 582 00:25:58,040 --> 00:25:59,600 All the best! 583 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,720 I know. He closed the tab. 584 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,520 I had to go to something called a Londis. 585 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,080 Urgh. 586 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,840 I would have said yes. 587 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,320 But look where that gets you. 588 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,400 I'm so proud of you, darling. 589 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,000 Your mascara's smudged. 590 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,480 I can't drink this filth. 591 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:33,160 I'm sure I saw a bottle of peach schnapps in there. 592 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,680 SHE GROANS 593 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:41,760 - I need to talk to you right now. - Oh, OK. 594 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:45,560 - Should we...? - No, no, no. Right now. Right... 595 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,560 Bleurgh! 596 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,120 - OK. What the fuck is...? - We're screwed. 597 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:53,120 I borrowed too much for Double Shin, and it's taken out both Shins. 598 00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:57,240 I've tried everything, but the numbers just don't add up. 599 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,000 SHE GULPS 600 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,440 So, yeah. We're screwed. 601 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,240 - Good. - What? 602 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,600 I've barely seen you smile in the last two years. 603 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:12,480 In fact, I've barely SEEN you in the last two years. 604 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:15,240 No, I want all the success in the world for you, darling, 605 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,720 but if it's not making you happy 606 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,960 and this means that I might get you back, then... 607 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,480 ..just let it go. 608 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,400 We'll be OK. 609 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,120 I can just start selling my ceramic pots. 610 00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:31,840 SHE VOMITS 611 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,000 Yeah, could be an emcee. 612 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,800 Anne? 613 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,120 I just wanted to say, um... 614 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,560 ..your sausage rolls are actually delicious. 615 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,720 I know. 616 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,240 She's right, you know. 617 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:56,520 Well, no, Elizabeth was my best friend. 618 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,320 - But with the distance, we sort of... - No, not that. 619 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,280 You are too good for him. 620 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:04,640 Are you coming, big man? 621 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,120 Yep. 622 00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:07,360 Ned. 623 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,000 There is space in the popemobile if you want a lift back to my house. 624 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:16,920 - My house! - Well, I'm 34, and you're 34A, so, uh... 625 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,400 Mummy, kids, come on, we're going home. 626 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,360 Mum, have you got a tattoo? 627 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:25,880 What? 628 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,200 I didn't tell her. 629 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,040 Well, thanks a lot, Mummy.