1 00:00:15,892 --> 00:00:16,851 Hello, pigs. 2 00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:20,104 I think we can all agree that America is a rotting corpse of an empire 3 00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:21,606 and we live in hell. 4 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:24,275 So when Netflix gave us a bunch of money to make a… 5 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,652 whatever-the-fuck-we're-doing about the election, 6 00:00:27,153 --> 00:00:30,406 we figured, why waste our time talking to politicians? 7 00:00:30,490 --> 00:00:34,410 Let's talk to the food-poisoned, drug-addicted sex criminals who live here. 8 00:00:34,494 --> 00:00:36,329 -[crowd cheering] -Yeah! 9 00:00:36,412 --> 00:00:37,663 [Tim Dillon] Come on. 10 00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:41,042 My name is Tim Dillon, and regrettably, This Is Your Country. 11 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:43,503 [cheering] 12 00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:46,089 [1980's-style synth theme playing] 13 00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:47,590 Why is it your business 14 00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:50,051 if your cousin wants to pop her P for cash? 15 00:00:50,593 --> 00:00:51,677 Kill that Canadian bitch 16 00:00:51,761 --> 00:00:53,638 -after the fucking show. -[chanting] USA! USA! 17 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,348 One coffee a day, not two or three. 18 00:00:55,431 --> 00:00:57,308 -Okay, Hitler. -[crowd laughing] 19 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,227 If you love her, pay her. 20 00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:00,311 Thank you! 21 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,855 You know why? It's the greatest country in the world. 22 00:01:02,939 --> 00:01:05,566 [crowd applauding, cheering] 23 00:01:06,818 --> 00:01:10,571 [chanting] Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! 24 00:01:10,655 --> 00:01:12,698 [cheering continues] 25 00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:16,911 [music fades] 26 00:01:18,496 --> 00:01:21,999 He massages BBLs on OnlyFans for a living, 27 00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:26,087 but he's here to tell his girlfriend he also is a porn star. 28 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:27,797 [crowd whooping] 29 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:32,385 That's right, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome William to the show. 30 00:01:32,468 --> 00:01:36,139 -[funky synth music playing] -[crowd cheering] 31 00:01:38,683 --> 00:01:41,310 [indistinct chatter] 32 00:01:41,394 --> 00:01:43,104 -William, how are you? -[William] Yes. 33 00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:44,564 I'm doing amazing. 34 00:01:44,647 --> 00:01:46,983 You massage 35 00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:50,736 Brazilian butt lifts for a living. 36 00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:51,946 Yes, I do. 37 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:53,781 And you do that on OnlyFans? 38 00:01:53,865 --> 00:01:57,118 I do that on OnlyFans, and I do that for my job as well. 39 00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:59,745 And do you do any other type of massage? 40 00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:01,497 I mean, I'm trained in all areas, 41 00:02:01,581 --> 00:02:04,125 but I focus on the… the glutes. 42 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,502 [scattered laughing] 43 00:02:06,586 --> 00:02:09,046 What is it? Is it like kneading a good sourdough? 44 00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:11,007 -What is… -[laughs] 45 00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:13,301 In fact, know what, William? Why don't you just show us? 46 00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,219 -No problem. -Bring out the BBL. 47 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:16,679 [crowd cheering] 48 00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:22,727 [Tim] Bring out the BBL, baby! 49 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:25,438 William, I want you to stand up, 50 00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:27,273 and I want you to walk the audience 51 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:29,734 -through a BBL massage. -[William] Definitely. Definitely. 52 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,945 Well, this… this might be pre-BBL. 53 00:02:33,029 --> 00:02:34,572 [crowd laughing] 54 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,909 Gotta lube it up or moisturize it up, put a little bit in your hands, 55 00:02:38,743 --> 00:02:40,953 and then you want to just slowly caress. 56 00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:45,166 Is there any special technique other than 57 00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:49,253 what I… what we just saw, really, is you just kind of grabbing an ass. 58 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:50,171 [William] Yes. 59 00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:51,088 [crowd laughing] 60 00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:54,008 So as you're massaging it, you want to just check in with them, 61 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:57,136 you know, from time to time, ask them, "Hey, how's it doing?" 62 00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:58,471 "You want more pressure?" 63 00:02:58,554 --> 00:03:00,932 Sometimes, you know, they'll moan instead of saying yes, 64 00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:01,974 -so… -[Tim] Right. 65 00:03:02,058 --> 00:03:05,895 You know, when they moan, they'll probably moan like, "Oh, yes. Yes!" 66 00:03:05,978 --> 00:03:10,274 Does your girlfriend have any issue with you doing this specific type of massage? 67 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:13,444 Unfortunately, my girlfriend does have a huge issue with it. 68 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,738 -Yeah. [laughs] -But I try to explain to her… 69 00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:17,490 That's shocking that she has a big… 70 00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:20,868 I'm trying to explain to her, "This is what I was born to do." 71 00:03:20,952 --> 00:03:21,953 [Tim] That's right. 72 00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:24,664 -I was put on Earth to do this. -That's right. To do this. 73 00:03:24,747 --> 00:03:26,874 -[crowd cheering] -He knows what he wants. 74 00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:32,588 Now, listen, you didn't fly here just to show people, 75 00:03:32,672 --> 00:03:36,175 "Here's how to massage an ass that we bought at the Halloween store." 76 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:37,551 [scattered chuckling] 77 00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:41,055 Okay? I'm kidding, this couple let us borrow it, you know? 78 00:03:41,764 --> 00:03:43,391 What, uh… [laughing] 79 00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:47,520 You're here to confess to your girlfriend that you used to do porn. 80 00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:49,021 Yeah. 81 00:03:49,105 --> 00:03:51,107 [boisterous cheering] 82 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:53,442 -[crowd chanting] Bring her out! -William… 83 00:03:53,526 --> 00:03:55,319 Bring her out! Bring her out! 84 00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:58,531 -All right, ladies and gentlemen… -[chanting fades] 85 00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:01,575 please welcome Shireiny to the show. 86 00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:02,743 [cheering] 87 00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:05,413 Are you fucking kidding me? Yo, three years. 88 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:08,332 Three years of this fucking bullshit I gotta deal with you. 89 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,668 This shit is fucking crazy and mad embarrassing. 90 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:14,088 Shireiny, what is… What is making you, uh, upset? 91 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,799 What's making me upset is he be around ass and titties all day. 92 00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,634 Like, do you not have enough at home? 93 00:04:18,718 --> 00:04:19,593 It's a job. 94 00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:21,679 -All right, well, get another job! -It's a job. 95 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:22,847 Get another job! 96 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,016 Why don't you go fucking work at Target? Huh? 97 00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:26,726 -You got the outfit for it. -Target. 98 00:04:26,809 --> 00:04:28,894 [crowd laughing, cheering] 99 00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:31,397 [William] What a comedienne. What a jokester. Little jokester. 100 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,816 How would you feel if I was around dick all day? Huh? 101 00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,860 Dick in my face all day? 102 00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:37,945 Well, William is here 103 00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:40,114 to tell you something. 104 00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:42,533 William, this is your moment of truth. 105 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,492 [William sighs] 106 00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:47,288 I used to do… I did porn. 107 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,247 What? 108 00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:49,665 [crowd gasping] 109 00:04:49,749 --> 00:04:51,334 -No. -It was in the past. 110 00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:54,003 -Y'all pranking me, right? Nah. -It was in the past. 111 00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:55,546 It was… It's… 112 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:59,091 Can you be more specific by "porn?" What do you mean by porn? 113 00:04:59,175 --> 00:05:01,552 I recorded myself having sex with women. 114 00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:04,013 That does sound like porn. 115 00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:05,348 [crowd laughing] 116 00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:08,601 And you brought me here to tell me that? 117 00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:11,771 I want to come clean, to put everything on the table. 118 00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:13,439 I wanna just start fresh. 119 00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:16,067 I'm gonna sit over here, 'cause I'm disgusted right now. 120 00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,402 -[Tim] Wow. -[crowd cheering] 121 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,987 William, William… 122 00:05:20,071 --> 00:05:21,906 Why didn't you tell me that when we met? 123 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:25,034 Because if you can't handle… If you can't handle me doing massages, 124 00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:28,079 I know for a fact you could not handle me doing porn. Come on now. 125 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,956 If you can't handle him at his BBL massage, 126 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,542 you don't deserve him at his, uh, porn. 127 00:05:33,626 --> 00:05:35,169 [crowd chuckling] 128 00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,588 There's somebody else who's been listening as well. 129 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,507 It's not just your beautiful girlfriend here. 130 00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,842 -What? He got another girl? -[Tim] No, hold on. 131 00:05:41,926 --> 00:05:43,677 Well, yes and no. 132 00:05:43,761 --> 00:05:44,804 [crowd] Ooh… 133 00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:46,389 -[Tim] Yes and no. -Nah. 134 00:05:46,472 --> 00:05:49,975 Ladies and gentlemen, William's mother is backstage. 135 00:05:50,059 --> 00:05:51,769 [crowd cheering, laughing] 136 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,355 And she probably has a few opinions. 137 00:05:54,438 --> 00:05:58,943 Please welcome Sata, everybody! 138 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,486 [crowd cheering] 139 00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:02,113 Hey, Mama! 140 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,406 [William] Yo… 141 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,620 Well, fill her in, William, for what's been going on. 142 00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:11,997 [William exhaling] Yo, this is crazy. 143 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,291 -[Shireiny] Shit is crazy. -I, uh… 144 00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:15,418 Yo, what the hell? 145 00:06:16,377 --> 00:06:18,838 I came clean to Shireiny about me doing porn. 146 00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:21,715 -You knew he used to do porn? -Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 147 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,009 Wait. Wait a second. 148 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:26,846 Doing porn? 149 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,890 -Yes. I did porn. -Not OnlyFans, porn porn. 150 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:31,517 -Same thing. -Having sex? 151 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,435 It's not. 152 00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:36,897 It's the… Yes. It was, like, three years ago. 153 00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:38,983 -[man] He's still doing it! -[woman] Liar! 154 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:42,319 William, when did you stop? When did you stop doing porn? 155 00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:44,029 -Wait a second. I'm sorry. -[Tim] Yeah. 156 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,866 You went to school… 157 00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:47,908 Right. 158 00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:49,702 …to do film. 159 00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:51,912 [crowd laughing] 160 00:06:51,996 --> 00:06:54,874 I'm not understanding. I bought you all the equipment. 161 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:56,709 -I bought you cameras. -I know. 162 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,669 I bought you lights, I bought you booms, 163 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,880 I bought you the stuff. I'm not understanding. 164 00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:02,256 I make a really good living. 165 00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:05,259 Can you tell us how much money you're making doing this? 166 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,260 Six figures. 167 00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,929 'Cause I'm not only doing the porn, 168 00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:12,099 I can… I shoot the porn, I edit the porn. 169 00:07:12,183 --> 00:07:13,976 I'm knee-deep in this porn industry. 170 00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:15,144 [crowd applauding] 171 00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:16,896 -Yeah! -Whoo! 172 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:18,856 Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. 173 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,275 What's your porn name? 174 00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,152 It's "Long Willy." 175 00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:25,112 [crowd laughing] 176 00:07:25,196 --> 00:07:26,780 Long… [laughs] 177 00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:30,409 Sata, your son is a very enterprising young man-- 178 00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:33,287 I wanna say this. Kim Kardashian, she had a sex tape. Look-- 179 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:36,290 -That was a secret sex tape. -[William] Wait! She had a sex tape. 180 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:38,626 -A billionaire off a sex tape. -[Tim] That's a good point. 181 00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:41,212 -That's a good point for William. -[William] Come on. 182 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,963 -Kim Kardashian… -Thank you. 183 00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:45,424 …that is our most successful whore. 184 00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:47,426 -Yes. -[Tim] That is a very good point. 185 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,638 Can you stand up, sir? Now, you watch porn. 186 00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,515 -Let me ask you a question. -[laughing] 187 00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:55,142 How do you feel about a young man 188 00:07:55,226 --> 00:07:57,394 doing porn and making money from it? 189 00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,563 -I think he's an entrepreneur. -My man. 190 00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:02,149 If you had a child, would you mind if they did porn? 191 00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:03,526 I wouldn't let them do porn. 192 00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:04,944 -[Shireiny] Exactly. -So you… 193 00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:07,404 -Do you find that a little hypocritical? -Yeah. 194 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:10,157 -But you wouldn't let your child do porn? -[laughing] No. 195 00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:13,244 But you watch a lot of fucking porn. 196 00:08:13,953 --> 00:08:17,248 I mean, if people went on your laptop right now, 197 00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:19,833 they wouldn't be able to sleep, let's be honest. 198 00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,377 And it's not regular porn. 199 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:24,296 It's women's heads going through glass tables, it's bad. 200 00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:27,716 You can't cum unless someone's bleeding. Let's be honest. 201 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,261 The things that are on your laptop… 202 00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:33,347 All right, sit down before the FBI gets here. Uh… 203 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:37,268 Are you massaging anyone right now on OnlyFans 204 00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:39,061 that you had sex with in the past? 205 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:41,188 Potentially. Yeah. 206 00:08:41,272 --> 00:08:43,023 -What? -Shireiny. 207 00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:45,484 -In the past. In the past. Yes. -Are you kidding me? 208 00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:47,736 You should not be dealing with no girl you slept with 209 00:08:47,820 --> 00:08:49,905 whether it's work or not. It does not matter. 210 00:08:49,989 --> 00:08:52,783 So if I was a doctor and she was dying, I can't… 211 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,369 "Sorry, we had sex, I can't save your life. Gotta die." 212 00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:57,830 -No! Let the bitch die. -It doesn't work like that. 213 00:08:57,913 --> 00:09:00,624 -You let the bitch die. -[Tim] I do see William's point. 214 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:01,875 I do see William's point. 215 00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:04,712 If you were massaging a woman's ass to life 216 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:07,590 and being paid for it on OnlyFans, I understand. 217 00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:09,466 How many people in this audience think 218 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,719 they should rise above this and just stay together? 219 00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:13,345 -Yeah! -[scattered applause] 220 00:09:13,429 --> 00:09:14,805 That's a fair amount. 221 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,473 How many people in this audience 222 00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:20,185 think that Shireiny has the right to say "fuck you"? 223 00:09:20,269 --> 00:09:22,896 [loud cheering] 224 00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:28,319 William, there's one more thing that you have to do right now. 225 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:31,655 One more thing you have to say before God, before this country, 226 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:35,326 before your mother, before your beautiful girlfriend, 227 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:38,162 and we're going to give you a chance to say it right now. 228 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,873 -Oh my God. I'm scared now. -[exhaling] Shit, bro. 229 00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:43,876 -Let me get up. I gotta get up for this. -Where you going? 230 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,086 [exhales] 231 00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:49,173 I will beat you up if you come over here and try to hug me, like… 232 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,299 Look, look, look, look. 233 00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:53,844 [sighs] Look, babe, we done been through a lot, 234 00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:57,306 and you always been there for me at my lowest, you know? 235 00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,058 When I'm down there massaging women, 236 00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:02,811 my hands may be on their ass, but my eyes are always on you. 237 00:10:02,895 --> 00:10:04,271 -You're full of shit. -You know? 238 00:10:04,355 --> 00:10:05,356 -You know? -[applause] 239 00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:08,275 You're a fool. If you go for this, you're a fool. 240 00:10:08,359 --> 00:10:10,194 And you're about to cry, you're crazy. 241 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,697 And I know, I know my dick is out there on the Internet. 242 00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:14,823 Little Willy. 243 00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,409 It's not Little Willy. 244 00:10:17,493 --> 00:10:18,577 But, look, babe. 245 00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,289 This might be the craziest thing I ever did, man. 246 00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:23,707 [exhales] 247 00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:25,751 -I want to be… -What? 248 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,796 [crowd cheering] 249 00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:30,339 I want to be… 250 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,508 -I want to be your porn star. -No. 251 00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:35,052 I want to be your porn star for the rest of my life. 252 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,346 There's no way that she's gonna accept that. 253 00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:39,223 -Close that. No way. -Will you marry me? 254 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,183 -You're crazy. -I wanna be your porn star. 255 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,686 [screaming] Yeah! 256 00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,647 [Tim] Give it up for them. Give it up for them. 257 00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:49,525 -That is a happy couple. -[crowd applauding] 258 00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:51,568 [Tim] That is a beautiful… That is love. 259 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:55,155 OnlyFans? How about OnlyFam? 260 00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:58,450 Come on! Come on, hug it out! 261 00:10:58,534 --> 00:10:59,576 Hug it out! 262 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:03,122 Everybody get up. Come on, Mom, this is beautiful. 263 00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,791 You've got your son, your daughter-in-law. 264 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,168 Thank you, guys, so much. 265 00:11:11,130 --> 00:11:13,382 Look at that. That's love. That's love. 266 00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:15,008 That's what love is about. 267 00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:18,429 Love is… There's a power in that. 268 00:11:19,138 --> 00:11:20,764 How you feel about that? What do you think? 269 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,349 I thought it was gross. 270 00:11:22,433 --> 00:11:24,017 -'Cause they were Black? -[crowd laughs] 271 00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:25,519 No! No. 272 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:31,942 Orange County is one of the most racist places in the entire world, 273 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,819 and it's a little disgusting 274 00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:39,241 to have this white bitch judge these beautiful people. 275 00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,118 It's wrong. I don't like it. I… 276 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,288 I wish you would have taken another thing. 277 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:49,168 And now, he immigrated to this country 35 years ago, 278 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,879 and now he wants to get the hell out of here 279 00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:55,174 unless his son can convince him to stay. 280 00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:58,969 Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Sergio. 281 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,555 -[upbeat synth music playing] -[crowd cheering] 282 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,482 [Tim] There he is, Sergio. 283 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:15,110 -Sergio, welcome to the show. -Thank you. 284 00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:19,782 Is there anything or anyone that could convince you to stay in this country? 285 00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:21,533 Nah. 286 00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:27,915 I, uh, I have decided that America is not the American Dream for me no more. 287 00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:31,126 -And I'm ready to get out of here. -Yeah. Yeah. 288 00:12:31,210 --> 00:12:34,713 -I'm out of here, you know? -Okay, now, why… why do you say that? 289 00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,632 Uh, to me, it's not the same country anymore. 290 00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:39,176 You have to have a high-speed Internet, 291 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:42,721 you have to pay extra gigabytes on your phone if you go over. 292 00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:45,474 Yes. So you're going over on the phone. 293 00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,768 Even the American people have to pay extra. 294 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,853 So your problem really is a data plan. 295 00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,313 [crowd laughing] 296 00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,107 So if we just bring you to Verizon, you might stay? 297 00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:57,402 But you sound like you want to self-deport. 298 00:12:57,486 --> 00:12:59,238 Uh… [laughs] 299 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,366 -[Tim] Which is… -We might say that. 300 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:06,119 I think what's holding me to stay here is my family. 301 00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:07,204 [Tim] That's right. 302 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,164 -But, uh, you know, my sons. -Yes. 303 00:13:09,248 --> 00:13:11,625 I was not made in China, I was made in Mexico. 304 00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:13,001 They were born in USA. 305 00:13:13,085 --> 00:13:14,378 -[Tim] Oh, interesting. -[giggles] 306 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:15,879 [chuckles] So you said… 307 00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:18,340 [all laughing] 308 00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:20,467 So you said you were not made in China, 309 00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:21,677 you were made in Mexico. 310 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,888 -I was made in Mexico. -And those kids were born in the USA. 311 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,182 What a fucked-up song that is, you know? 312 00:13:27,266 --> 00:13:28,517 [crowd laughing] 313 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:32,020 If anybody can convince you to stay, 314 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:36,275 it is your son, and he's going to tell you 315 00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:40,362 why he wants you to stay in America. 316 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:42,781 Give it up for Luis, everybody. 317 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,658 [crowd cheering] 318 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,702 [Tim] Give it up for Luis. 319 00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:50,914 [crowd chanting] USA! USA! USA! USA! 320 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,457 [continues chanting] 321 00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:54,001 -[Tim] That's right. -[chanting fades] 322 00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,545 Luis, what do you love about America? 323 00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:59,256 I mean, we have football, all the American sports. 324 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,008 -Yeah, okay. -All the money you can make. 325 00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:01,925 [Tim] That's right. 326 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,386 -Women. -That's right. Okay. 327 00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:07,014 -[man cheering] Yeah! -That's right. This guy. 328 00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,474 Stand up for a minute, because you agree with him. 329 00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:11,768 Will you stand up? Let's stand up for a minute. 330 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,897 The Unabomber wants to say 331 00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,232 a few words here. 332 00:14:17,316 --> 00:14:19,359 Now, you agreed, when Luis was talking about 333 00:14:19,443 --> 00:14:21,862 how much money you can make, and the women… 334 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:23,947 What do you say to him? 335 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:28,160 Well, honestly, I'm about women, but I'm not necessarily about America. 336 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,203 And I mean, the ladies down South… 337 00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:31,371 [crowd booing] 338 00:14:31,455 --> 00:14:33,332 [man] I mean, I'm not anti-America. 339 00:14:33,415 --> 00:14:36,001 -I'm, like, I'm neutral. -Come on. Come on, let him… 340 00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:38,378 Hold on, let him… let him finish. 341 00:14:38,462 --> 00:14:41,798 Now, the ladies… What do you mean, "The ladies down South"? 342 00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,717 Muy caliente. 343 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,844 I got you. All right. 344 00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:49,681 -Now, you are with this lovely man. -Yes, this is my boyfriend. 345 00:14:49,765 --> 00:14:51,099 -That's your boyfriend. -Yeah. 346 00:14:51,183 --> 00:14:53,477 When… Stand up for a minute. When… 347 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:58,774 When he says he likes these muy caliente ladies 348 00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:01,068 from down South, how does that make you feel? 349 00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:04,529 I mean, like, power to him, he's with me right now, you know. 350 00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:06,949 I enjoy him and everything, but, you know, 351 00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,785 if he was ever to meet one of these ladies 352 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,037 and he wanted to do that, I'd be, you know… 353 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,122 -More power to him. -[scattered cheers] 354 00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:15,999 Look what a great country this is. 355 00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:19,378 Look how understanding these two homeless people are 356 00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:23,674 about each other's sexual proclivities. 357 00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:25,676 There's… 358 00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:27,052 [chuckling] 359 00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:29,012 There's no other country in the world 360 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,723 where you'll have an unhoused couple like this 361 00:15:31,807 --> 00:15:34,685 crawl out of their tent, go to a Tim Dillon taping 362 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:38,355 and say, "Honey, you can fuck whoever you want 363 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:43,110 as long as you steal some canned food and bring it back to this tent at night." 364 00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:47,739 I mean, look at these two. This is what America is about. 365 00:15:47,823 --> 00:15:51,618 [crowd chanting] USA! USA! USA! 366 00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:54,496 This is what America is about. 367 00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:58,417 This Orange County couple is so fucking scared right now. 368 00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:02,629 Knife them after the show. Run up on them and knife 'em. 369 00:16:02,713 --> 00:16:07,384 Take their fucking BMW and their fucking sailboat or whatever. 370 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:10,595 Well, is anyone an immigrant in this audience? 371 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,598 Okay, we want to hear from immigrants, 372 00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:15,934 especially this white woman who's lying about it. 373 00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:17,394 [crowd laughing] 374 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,355 She better have a real fucking Ukrainian accent 375 00:16:20,439 --> 00:16:22,566 when I get up to this fucking woman. 376 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,818 Hold on, where did you come from? 377 00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:25,986 Canada. 378 00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,071 [crowd jeering] 379 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:37,873 [chanting] USA! USA! USA! 380 00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:39,541 [chanting fades] 381 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:43,295 Kill that Canadian bitch after the fucking show, okay? 382 00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:46,715 You fucking… These tweakers are going to light you on fire 383 00:16:47,299 --> 00:16:49,009 after this fucking show. 384 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:53,180 These extras from Breaking Bad, these monsters. 385 00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:56,600 We paid for their STD check before they came here. 386 00:16:57,309 --> 00:16:59,770 This free clinic where we got these people. 387 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:01,980 Sir, you're a different color. 388 00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:04,066 [crowd laughing] 389 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,652 Where… Yeah, stand up. Stand up. 390 00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:09,404 Where do you come from? 391 00:17:09,488 --> 00:17:10,739 Uh, I was born here. 392 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,616 Enough with this! 393 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,410 That's not what I mean. I mean in the racist way. 394 00:17:15,494 --> 00:17:17,871 -Like the Orange County people would say. -Oh. 395 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:20,040 Where does your family come from? 396 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,500 Mexico. Both from Mexico. 397 00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:23,794 And look how… And you are thriving here. 398 00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:25,420 I actually love it here, yeah. 399 00:17:25,504 --> 00:17:28,757 -What do you do for a living? -Customer support for education tech. 400 00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:30,801 Kill yourself. Here's the thing… 401 00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:36,765 I cannot find one reason to keep this man in this shithole of a country. 402 00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:37,849 I cannot. 403 00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:42,229 I believe we have a patriot 404 00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:47,400 who will come out here and convince Sergio once and for all 405 00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:50,237 that this is the greatest country in the world. 406 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,990 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Bandit to the show. 407 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,326 [applause, cheering] 408 00:17:57,828 --> 00:17:59,329 [Tim] Give it up for Bandit! 409 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,164 Give it up for Bandit! 410 00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:03,375 Take a seat. 411 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,418 USA! 412 00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:10,423 [crowd chanting] USA! USA! USA! 413 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,969 What you two should do, I'm not kidding, 414 00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:16,555 is get with him later and do some fun home invasions. 415 00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:17,889 You know what I mean? 416 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:19,891 Bandit, 417 00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:23,228 do you feel freer in America than you would be other places? 418 00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:26,481 [Bandit] Of course, Tim. Of course I do. I mean, there's… sure… 419 00:18:26,565 --> 00:18:28,650 Okay, you have a few options, right? 420 00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:30,694 Mainly, at least for me, Britain and Canada. 421 00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:33,405 I don't wanna go to Canada because they're not real. 422 00:18:33,488 --> 00:18:35,240 That's mooses pretending to be people. 423 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,909 Well, you're a person pretending to be a dog. 424 00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:40,704 This is true. I would get along great with them. 425 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,622 Now, Sergio, just look at Bandit 426 00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:45,292 and tell him what could be possibly wrong with this country? 427 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,751 [Bandit] What's wrong with America? 428 00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:50,881 Look at this person, who I will not gender. 429 00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,341 Look at this person, Sergio. 430 00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:56,011 What could possibly be wrong 431 00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:57,971 with this country? 432 00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:02,434 Look, if you want to look for an apartment, 433 00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:04,895 you have to pay the first, the last, 434 00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:07,647 plus deposit. 435 00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:11,401 Six hundred eighty score to get the apartment. 436 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,819 -You have that? -That is true. 437 00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:17,449 He's bringing up a good point about the apartment rental process, Bandit. 438 00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,534 Which I don't think you have been in. 439 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,078 Uh, just a hunch. 440 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:25,081 [Bandit] That's America, baby. Money flows, dude. 441 00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:27,334 If you ain't ready to pay to have an apartment, why… 442 00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:28,376 Don't go to one! 443 00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:30,879 Luis, you seem very uncomfortable. 444 00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:31,963 [crowd laughing] 445 00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:34,674 [Tim] You seem incredibly uncomfortable right now. 446 00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:37,510 Take a look at this. This is… There it is. 447 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:39,888 Sergio, yes. 448 00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:42,849 I think he makes more money standing at a corner with a sign. 449 00:19:42,933 --> 00:19:43,808 Moving it. 450 00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:44,768 [laughing] 451 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,478 That's not a bad point. 452 00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:49,648 Bandit, make your last plea to Sergio. 453 00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:51,733 You're the one we brought on this stage 454 00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:54,694 because you exemplify what America is in its current moment. 455 00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:57,948 [Bandit] Sergio, 456 00:19:58,657 --> 00:19:59,491 I beg you. 457 00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:02,869 Stay here. We can go to Target together. 458 00:20:02,953 --> 00:20:06,373 We can go get a Java Chip Frappé, we can walk through the park, 459 00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:08,041 have a wonderful time. 460 00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:09,960 Maybe fall in love. 461 00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:10,961 I don't know. 462 00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,921 It's the land of opportunity. 463 00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:15,048 I would love for you to stay here with us 464 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:18,385 and be a part of this great, beautiful nation. 465 00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:20,804 Give it up for Bandit, everyone, that's a great… 466 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,889 [crowd applauding] 467 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,852 Sergio, are you gonna stay, 468 00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:30,188 or are you gonna go? What is it? 469 00:20:31,523 --> 00:20:32,399 Uh… 470 00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:35,151 There is, uh, nothing that make me stay. 471 00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,069 I'm leaving. 472 00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:38,238 And I'm leaving America. 473 00:20:38,822 --> 00:20:40,365 The American Dream, it's over. 474 00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:41,283 [crowd booing] 475 00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:43,827 I'm telling you, I'm out of here. I'm out of here, you know? 476 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,578 -[crowd chanting] Adios! Adios! -That's… 477 00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:47,998 That's the way he feels. Give it up for Sergio, 478 00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:48,915 [crowd cheering] 479 00:20:48,999 --> 00:20:52,294 [Tim] Luis, Bandit, everybody. Thank them so much. 480 00:20:52,794 --> 00:20:54,504 Give it up for them. 481 00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,590 Give it up. Thank you, guys. 482 00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:03,555 It'd be hilarious if you remove the dog head and it was RFK. 483 00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:07,934 [imitating Kennedy] "I'm going to dress up like a dog on Netflix 484 00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:11,521 because I want to be the President of the United States." 485 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:12,981 [crowd laughing] 486 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:17,444 Up now, she's a body-positive feel-good fun type. 487 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:20,030 Her mom is an overbearing almond witch 488 00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:22,907 that wants to control what goes in her body. 489 00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:25,452 Ladies and gentlemen, let's meet Livi. 490 00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:28,330 -[crowd cheering] -[funky synth music playing] 491 00:21:36,755 --> 00:21:38,173 Livi, baby. 492 00:21:38,757 --> 00:21:41,968 How are you? Thank you for coming, Livi. How are you? 493 00:21:42,052 --> 00:21:44,095 -I'm good. How are you? -I'm doing good. 494 00:21:44,179 --> 00:21:47,140 -So your mom gets on your nerves. -Yes. 495 00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:48,391 What is the problem? 496 00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:50,977 She comments on every single thing I eat, 497 00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:54,773 she comments on me working out, anything I put into my body, my coffee. 498 00:21:54,856 --> 00:21:56,483 What do you do to your coffee? 499 00:21:56,566 --> 00:21:59,736 Okay, I put syrups in my coff… I do an iced vanilla latte. 500 00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:00,987 There's nothing wrong… 501 00:22:01,071 --> 00:22:03,114 What kind of syrups do you put in your coffee? 502 00:22:03,198 --> 00:22:04,324 Like, just vanilla. 503 00:22:04,407 --> 00:22:06,451 Just vanilla? How much? How many pumps? 504 00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:08,328 -Like, four pumps. -[Tim] We pump it up? 505 00:22:08,411 --> 00:22:10,663 -[Livi] We pump it up! Yes! -Do we pump it up? 506 00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,082 -She pumps it up. -Yes! 507 00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:14,292 Four pumps. Pump it up. 508 00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:17,545 And not half pumps. You make them at Starbucks, slam on that bitch. 509 00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:20,131 -Full pumps. Yes. Fuck yeah. -Slam it. Full pumps. Okay. 510 00:22:20,215 --> 00:22:22,675 So now, your mother, what does she do for a living? 511 00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:25,303 -She's a Pilates instructor. -She's a Pilates instructor. 512 00:22:25,387 --> 00:22:27,055 -[Livi] Yes. Yes, she is. -[crowd] Ooh. 513 00:22:27,138 --> 00:22:28,390 -[Livi] Yes. -[Tim] And she… 514 00:22:28,932 --> 00:22:31,267 -[Livi] Yeah. -And she is on your case. 515 00:22:31,351 --> 00:22:34,229 And do you stand up for yourself and your rights as an American? 516 00:22:34,312 --> 00:22:35,730 You know what? I try my best. 517 00:22:35,814 --> 00:22:37,899 I do tell her to, like, fuck off. "Mom, fuck off." 518 00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:40,568 "I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm an adult." 519 00:22:40,652 --> 00:22:43,071 Can she hear you over the drive-thru speaker? 520 00:22:43,154 --> 00:22:46,032 -No, no… No. She can't. -[Tim] That's the problem. 521 00:22:46,116 --> 00:22:49,202 I have OCD, I have anxie… I'm a normal girl, I have anxiety. 522 00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:51,621 And she's like, "It's all the fucking Starbucks you drink." 523 00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:54,165 "That's what's giving you anxiety. The vanilla syrup." 524 00:22:54,249 --> 00:22:56,960 Now, what does… how does OCD manifest in your life? 525 00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:59,170 -Um, I like to touch things. -Okay. 526 00:22:59,254 --> 00:23:00,338 And, like, three times. 527 00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:02,215 -You touch something three times? -Yeah. 528 00:23:02,298 --> 00:23:03,258 And then eat it? 529 00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:05,677 -No, I don't eat it. No! -[crowd laughing] 530 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,763 My mom told you to say that. My mom told you to say that. 531 00:23:08,847 --> 00:23:11,141 You love your mother, but you want her to butt out. 532 00:23:11,224 --> 00:23:13,518 I want her to butt out. Get the fuck out of my fridge. 533 00:23:13,601 --> 00:23:15,270 Get the fuck out of your fridge. 534 00:23:15,353 --> 00:23:17,564 Because… Because there's no room. 535 00:23:17,647 --> 00:23:18,606 -Now… -[Livi] No. 536 00:23:18,690 --> 00:23:19,524 [crowd laughing] 537 00:23:19,607 --> 00:23:23,361 Let's… Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to meet Livi's mom, everybody? 538 00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:24,320 [cheering] 539 00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:25,530 [chanting] Bring her out! 540 00:23:25,613 --> 00:23:26,906 [Tim] Ladies and gentlemen, 541 00:23:26,990 --> 00:23:31,077 please welcome Dena! 542 00:23:31,161 --> 00:23:32,203 [cheering] 543 00:23:32,287 --> 00:23:33,621 There she is. 544 00:23:34,164 --> 00:23:36,291 -They love you. They love you. -[Tim] Dena! 545 00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,169 Dena, Dena, Dena, how are you? 546 00:23:39,252 --> 00:23:41,171 -I'm good. -[Tim] Welcome to the show. 547 00:23:41,254 --> 00:23:44,257 So you're… Basically, you're asking your daughter, 548 00:23:44,340 --> 00:23:46,509 "I just want you to make healthier decisions." 549 00:23:46,593 --> 00:23:49,012 -Absolutely. -What the fuck is wrong with you? 550 00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:49,971 [crowd laughing] 551 00:23:50,054 --> 00:23:52,265 I don't think she's old enough to make decisions. 552 00:23:52,348 --> 00:23:53,558 -Okay, what? -Okay. 553 00:23:53,641 --> 00:23:55,101 -[crowd booing] -Wait, wait, wait. 554 00:23:55,185 --> 00:23:57,770 -Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. -[Dena] Wait. 555 00:23:57,854 --> 00:24:00,356 If I wanna eat a fucking donut, I wanna eat a fucking donut, 556 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,900 you don't need to tell me what to do. 557 00:24:01,983 --> 00:24:03,318 I'm 25. 558 00:24:03,401 --> 00:24:06,279 Since I was a child, I don't know any life that's not like this. 559 00:24:06,362 --> 00:24:08,948 -Oh, that's-- -Oh, shut the fuck up. You know. Yeah. 560 00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:10,074 [crowd] Oh! 561 00:24:10,158 --> 00:24:11,284 [jeering] 562 00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:14,120 -No, it's so true. -[Tim] Ladies. 563 00:24:14,704 --> 00:24:17,790 No, imagine being five and she's yelling at you about Oreos. 564 00:24:17,874 --> 00:24:20,585 -Imagine being five and that happened. -We didn't have them. 565 00:24:20,668 --> 00:24:22,921 Well, you didn't… You… You… You didn't have Oreos? 566 00:24:23,004 --> 00:24:24,589 -No. -Well, she found them. 567 00:24:24,672 --> 00:24:26,341 -[Livi] No, I did. -[crowd laughing] 568 00:24:26,424 --> 00:24:28,092 -[Tim] She found them. -Yeah. 569 00:24:28,176 --> 00:24:30,470 You have a list of foods you don't want her to eat? 570 00:24:30,553 --> 00:24:33,306 -[Dena] I do. -Take it out. Take the list out, Dena. 571 00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:36,976 Take the list out. Take the list out right now. 572 00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:38,478 [laughing] No. 573 00:24:38,561 --> 00:24:42,524 First one, coffee with syrups is horrible for your body. 574 00:24:42,607 --> 00:24:44,609 Only… Only… 575 00:24:44,692 --> 00:24:46,903 -No, there is no way. No way. -There we go. 576 00:24:46,986 --> 00:24:49,322 Only according to doctors. 577 00:24:49,405 --> 00:24:50,365 [laughing] 578 00:24:50,448 --> 00:24:54,035 But here's Livi's point, "Life's short, pump it up." 579 00:24:54,118 --> 00:24:55,954 -Exactly. That's what I said. -[Tim] Oh! 580 00:24:56,037 --> 00:24:57,455 -[crowd cheering] -No. 581 00:24:57,539 --> 00:25:01,125 Life's short and with those pumps, even shorter, but here's the point… 582 00:25:01,834 --> 00:25:04,462 You can have one coffee a day, not two or three. 583 00:25:04,546 --> 00:25:06,631 -No syrups. -One coffee a day with no syrup. 584 00:25:07,131 --> 00:25:08,675 Okay, Hitler. 585 00:25:08,758 --> 00:25:10,301 -Go on. -Literally. 586 00:25:10,385 --> 00:25:11,636 -[laughing] -[Tim] Go on. 587 00:25:12,345 --> 00:25:15,181 I would like her to give up everything white. 588 00:25:15,265 --> 00:25:17,892 -[crowd booing] -[Tim] Wait a minute, hold on. 589 00:25:17,976 --> 00:25:21,938 Sugar, flour, pasta, bread, rice, cheese. 590 00:25:22,021 --> 00:25:23,356 -[Tim] Okay. -[Dena] Dairy. 591 00:25:23,439 --> 00:25:25,441 [booing continues] 592 00:25:25,525 --> 00:25:28,987 [Tim] What would be a happy medium? She's not gonna give up everything white. 593 00:25:29,070 --> 00:25:31,990 Can you propose something slightly realistic here? 594 00:25:32,073 --> 00:25:34,242 She should be able to give up white for two weeks. 595 00:25:34,325 --> 00:25:36,160 -White for two weeks. -[Dena] Yeah. 596 00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:38,246 You know what's gonna happen after two weeks? 597 00:25:38,329 --> 00:25:39,914 She's gonna have a white party. 598 00:25:41,874 --> 00:25:43,209 She's gonna go crazy. 599 00:25:43,293 --> 00:25:44,586 Do you think 600 00:25:45,253 --> 00:25:50,258 it's wrong to try to micromanage your adult daughter's diet? 601 00:25:51,301 --> 00:25:52,218 [crowd] Yes! 602 00:25:52,302 --> 00:25:55,930 No. No. Not if I'm worried about her well-being. 603 00:25:56,014 --> 00:25:59,225 But are you worried about her well-being or your well-being? 604 00:25:59,309 --> 00:26:00,351 [crowd applauding] 605 00:26:00,435 --> 00:26:02,645 -Exactly. -[Tim] Oh, Dena! 606 00:26:02,729 --> 00:26:04,272 [Livi] 'Cause she's projecting. 607 00:26:04,355 --> 00:26:06,316 It's not like she is going to your house 608 00:26:06,399 --> 00:26:09,068 and forcing you to put vanilla in your coffee. 609 00:26:09,152 --> 00:26:11,362 -I've never done it. Never done that. -[Tim] Right? 610 00:26:11,446 --> 00:26:12,905 Does she show up and try to 611 00:26:13,531 --> 00:26:15,366 face-fuck you with sourdough bread? 612 00:26:15,450 --> 00:26:16,534 [laughing] 613 00:26:16,618 --> 00:26:18,494 -[Tim] No. -Never done that. 614 00:26:18,578 --> 00:26:22,081 She's not doing that 'cause she's not sharing her food. Now listen to me… 615 00:26:22,874 --> 00:26:25,460 There's nothing… Dena, let's trim the fat. 616 00:26:25,543 --> 00:26:28,796 What do you really want your daughter to… 617 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:29,922 [laughing] 618 00:26:30,006 --> 00:26:32,717 -It's not that funny. It's not that funny. -[Tim] Stand up here. 619 00:26:33,343 --> 00:26:34,802 -Stand up. -All right. 620 00:26:35,470 --> 00:26:36,763 You need an almond mom. 621 00:26:37,513 --> 00:26:39,223 -I do. -Me and you… Let's be honest. 622 00:26:39,307 --> 00:26:42,393 Me and you need Dena, we need Dena to follow us around. 623 00:26:42,477 --> 00:26:44,312 -Do you have a mother? -I do. 624 00:26:44,395 --> 00:26:47,148 -Does she butt into your life? -She does. 625 00:26:47,231 --> 00:26:48,900 I wish she'd fuck off. Yeah. 626 00:26:48,983 --> 00:26:50,318 [crowd laughing] 627 00:26:51,027 --> 00:26:52,654 [crowd applauding] 628 00:26:52,737 --> 00:26:53,905 Dena, let's be honest. 629 00:26:53,988 --> 00:26:55,531 You heard it there, 630 00:26:55,615 --> 00:26:57,283 he wants you to fuck off. 631 00:26:57,367 --> 00:27:00,370 Sir, now, what do you think about this? Do you have children? 632 00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:01,704 Uh, not yet. 633 00:27:01,788 --> 00:27:03,456 All right, sit down. You know, I, uh… 634 00:27:03,539 --> 00:27:04,457 [laughing] 635 00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:06,042 [Tim] Nobody gives a shit. 636 00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:07,919 Can you stand up? Stand up. 637 00:27:08,002 --> 00:27:10,338 Now, this man shot President Trump. 638 00:27:11,881 --> 00:27:15,927 So I want to ask you, what do you think about these people? 639 00:27:17,303 --> 00:27:19,305 -I did not shoot Trump. -Okay. 640 00:27:19,389 --> 00:27:21,182 -[laughing] -[man 2] What do I think about 'em? 641 00:27:21,265 --> 00:27:23,393 Do you have any opinion? You're a young man, white, 642 00:27:23,476 --> 00:27:24,394 what do you think? 643 00:27:24,477 --> 00:27:27,355 Uh, I don't know, I think talking shit about your mom is crazy. 644 00:27:27,438 --> 00:27:29,148 -[crowd agreeing] -I… 645 00:27:29,232 --> 00:27:30,149 [man in crowd] Yeah! 646 00:27:31,067 --> 00:27:32,110 Dena. 647 00:27:32,860 --> 00:27:34,404 Do you think it's possible 648 00:27:35,196 --> 00:27:37,573 that for the sake of your daughter's health, 649 00:27:38,282 --> 00:27:40,660 that you could ease up a little bit? 650 00:27:40,743 --> 00:27:42,286 -I will try. -[Tim] "I will try." 651 00:27:42,370 --> 00:27:45,081 Well, we have some good news, Dena. 652 00:27:45,164 --> 00:27:46,874 You're about to have your first test. 653 00:27:47,458 --> 00:27:50,837 Me and your daughter are feeling slightly frisky. 654 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,923 And we would like to have a little snack. 655 00:27:54,006 --> 00:27:56,092 -It's a healthy snack. -Okay. 656 00:27:56,175 --> 00:27:58,344 It's from an organic, healthy… 657 00:27:59,387 --> 00:28:00,763 place. Okay? 658 00:28:00,847 --> 00:28:02,557 -Let's see if you can do it. -Okay. 659 00:28:03,224 --> 00:28:04,642 Please bring out the healthy snack. 660 00:28:04,726 --> 00:28:06,728 [crowd cheering] 661 00:28:11,274 --> 00:28:14,026 -[Dena] Just not the cherries. -[Livi] No, you gotta eat the cherries. 662 00:28:14,110 --> 00:28:16,779 -The cherries are bad for you. -Now, listen… Listen to me. 663 00:28:17,613 --> 00:28:20,408 -She's pissed. -Do you feel triggered right now? 664 00:28:20,491 --> 00:28:22,201 [laughing] 665 00:28:22,285 --> 00:28:23,202 [Tim] Now… 666 00:28:25,705 --> 00:28:28,374 -I want you to try. Dena, get in here. -Okay. 667 00:28:28,458 --> 00:28:30,626 [Tim] Get in here a little bit. Give it a shot. 668 00:28:30,710 --> 00:28:32,712 -Give it a shot, Dena. -Don't want the strawberry. 669 00:28:32,795 --> 00:28:34,338 Is this mint or pistachio? 670 00:28:34,422 --> 00:28:35,465 Who the fuck knows? 671 00:28:35,548 --> 00:28:37,550 [crowd laughing] 672 00:28:38,634 --> 00:28:40,762 -Mmm. -This is mint. This is mint. 673 00:28:40,845 --> 00:28:42,889 -Give it up. Have a little bit! -This is mint. 674 00:28:42,972 --> 00:28:45,850 -Come on, Mom! Get in there! -Come on! It's good. 675 00:28:45,933 --> 00:28:47,810 -Go, Mom. -[Tim yelling] Come on! 676 00:28:47,894 --> 00:28:49,270 [crowd cheering] 677 00:28:49,353 --> 00:28:52,273 -Eat the cherry! Get it. Eat the cherry! -Dena! Dena! Dena! 678 00:28:52,356 --> 00:28:54,025 [chanting] Dena! Dena! 679 00:28:54,108 --> 00:28:56,694 -[Livi] Eat the cherry! -Guys, give it up for Livi and Dena! 680 00:28:56,778 --> 00:28:58,613 Give it up for them, everybody! 681 00:28:58,696 --> 00:28:59,697 [crowd cheering] 682 00:28:59,781 --> 00:29:03,993 Thank you so much. That's $10,000 of Netflix's money. That's… 683 00:29:04,494 --> 00:29:07,079 This was the last season of House of Cards they didn't make. 684 00:29:07,163 --> 00:29:08,039 [laughing] 685 00:29:08,122 --> 00:29:09,207 I appreciate that. 686 00:29:09,290 --> 00:29:11,959 A round of applause again for Dena and Livi, everybody. 687 00:29:12,043 --> 00:29:13,753 [crowd cheering] 688 00:29:13,836 --> 00:29:15,296 That goes right to the homeless. 689 00:29:15,379 --> 00:29:18,257 Take that outside to the homeless encampment right now. 690 00:29:19,842 --> 00:29:21,677 I'm still trying to process this row. 691 00:29:21,761 --> 00:29:25,056 This row is a wild row, I like this row. 692 00:29:25,139 --> 00:29:26,682 This is a wild row. 693 00:29:26,766 --> 00:29:30,019 This white guy is so scared in the middle of this row right now, 694 00:29:30,102 --> 00:29:32,230 he has no idea what happened. 695 00:29:32,313 --> 00:29:34,774 You just landed in the middle of a Kamala Harris rally. 696 00:29:34,857 --> 00:29:37,026 You have no idea what's going on. 697 00:29:37,109 --> 00:29:39,862 This white guy is terrified, 698 00:29:39,946 --> 00:29:42,782 but he's also aroused, and that's what it's about. 699 00:29:42,865 --> 00:29:44,534 That's America right now. 700 00:29:45,117 --> 00:29:48,287 Are we ready to meet some new, fun people? 701 00:29:48,371 --> 00:29:50,873 [crowd whooping, cheering] 702 00:29:51,666 --> 00:29:55,795 He said she's turned her back on God and sold her soul to OnlyFans. 703 00:29:55,878 --> 00:29:57,255 But what he really wants 704 00:29:57,338 --> 00:30:00,216 is her to collaborate on YouTube with him again. 705 00:30:00,299 --> 00:30:03,261 Welcome to Gen Z hell. Everybody, welcome Christian. 706 00:30:03,344 --> 00:30:05,763 -[upbeat synth music playing] -[crowd cheering] 707 00:30:06,264 --> 00:30:09,141 [Tim] Christian, come out. Thank you. Sit down. 708 00:30:09,851 --> 00:30:11,853 -Christian, take a seat. -Thank you. 709 00:30:11,936 --> 00:30:14,272 -Thank you. Hello. -Take a seat, Christian. 710 00:30:14,355 --> 00:30:18,985 Now, you used to collaborate a lot with your cousin Bela. 711 00:30:19,068 --> 00:30:20,444 -Yes, I did. -On YouTube. 712 00:30:20,528 --> 00:30:22,738 Yes. She was like my best friend, we grew up together. 713 00:30:22,822 --> 00:30:24,991 I've known her since, you know, I was a baby. 714 00:30:25,074 --> 00:30:27,034 [Tim] You've known her since you were a baby? 715 00:30:27,118 --> 00:30:29,620 -She's on YouTube. -Yes. 716 00:30:29,704 --> 00:30:32,081 Disrespecting men. What is that? Can you define that? 717 00:30:32,164 --> 00:30:36,294 So, she'll post a video and be like, you know, "Hey," you know, "cuss word," 718 00:30:36,377 --> 00:30:38,713 um, "give me some money," you know. 719 00:30:39,213 --> 00:30:41,340 Like, disrespects them and asks for money, 720 00:30:41,424 --> 00:30:43,050 and then they'll actually send it, 721 00:30:43,134 --> 00:30:45,845 kind of like a gold digger, but, you know, online. 722 00:30:46,387 --> 00:30:49,432 So you don't think that's a good use of her time? 723 00:30:49,515 --> 00:30:50,975 Um… [sighs] 724 00:30:51,058 --> 00:30:53,311 Honestly, I think she should do what we used to do. 725 00:30:53,394 --> 00:30:55,938 -Like, different types of content. -What did you used to do? 726 00:30:56,022 --> 00:30:59,775 We used to do just normal challenge videos, you know, a basic… 727 00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:02,028 [crowd booing] 728 00:31:02,111 --> 00:31:03,237 [Tim] Christian. 729 00:31:03,988 --> 00:31:08,200 Nobody wants you and your cousin doing fucking challenge videos. 730 00:31:08,284 --> 00:31:09,493 Okay, my bad, my bad. 731 00:31:09,577 --> 00:31:13,039 They would rather her doing findom or whatever she's doing on YouTube. 732 00:31:13,122 --> 00:31:14,498 -That's right. -[Christian] My bad. 733 00:31:14,582 --> 00:31:15,708 -My bad. -[crowd cheering] 734 00:31:15,791 --> 00:31:18,002 Should we bring her out? Should we meet her, everybody? 735 00:31:18,085 --> 00:31:19,295 [cheering loudly] 736 00:31:19,378 --> 00:31:20,421 [Tim] Should we meet her? 737 00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:25,718 [crowd chanting] Bring her out! Bring her out! Bring her out! 738 00:31:25,801 --> 00:31:29,513 Let's bring out Bela, everybody. 739 00:31:29,597 --> 00:31:32,433 [crowd cheering, whooping] 740 00:31:35,686 --> 00:31:36,687 Hi. 741 00:31:36,771 --> 00:31:40,066 He says only God, she says OnlyFans. 742 00:31:40,149 --> 00:31:43,653 Now, Bela, what is the beef? 743 00:31:43,736 --> 00:31:45,363 What is his problem? 744 00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:49,325 He has a different perspective on how I make my money because, you know, 745 00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:51,202 his parents still pay his bills. 746 00:31:51,285 --> 00:31:52,286 [Tim] Whoa! 747 00:31:52,370 --> 00:31:53,871 -What? Wait. -[crowd jeering] 748 00:31:53,955 --> 00:31:56,248 -Whoa, Christian. -[Christian] Wait. 749 00:31:56,332 --> 00:31:57,458 [chuckles] 750 00:31:57,541 --> 00:31:59,543 Mommy and Daddy don't pay my bills, so… 751 00:31:59,627 --> 00:32:01,921 That's right. Men on the Internet do. 752 00:32:02,004 --> 00:32:02,838 Now… 753 00:32:02,922 --> 00:32:04,298 [scattered laughter] 754 00:32:04,382 --> 00:32:08,010 What do you do to, uh, get these men to pay? 755 00:32:08,094 --> 00:32:09,136 Bully them. 756 00:32:09,220 --> 00:32:11,806 My mom's literally subscribed to my OnlyFans to keep me accountable. 757 00:32:11,889 --> 00:32:13,182 I don't post anything inappropriate. 758 00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:17,019 Your mom is subscribed to your OnlyFans to keep you accountable? 759 00:32:17,103 --> 00:32:17,937 [Bela] Yeah. 760 00:32:18,020 --> 00:32:20,523 That should have been the title of the segment. Now… 761 00:32:21,565 --> 00:32:22,984 [laughing] 762 00:32:23,067 --> 00:32:23,943 Now, Christian, 763 00:32:24,026 --> 00:32:27,905 why is it your business if your cousin wants to pop her P for cash? 764 00:32:28,531 --> 00:32:29,573 Um… 765 00:32:30,574 --> 00:32:33,160 Uh, you know, I care about her and I look out for her, 766 00:32:33,244 --> 00:32:36,372 I love her, she's, like, my best friend, like, I want to be involved. 767 00:32:36,455 --> 00:32:39,208 -I want the best for her. -If you love her, pay her. 768 00:32:39,291 --> 00:32:40,167 [crowd cheering] 769 00:32:40,251 --> 00:32:42,086 -Thank you. -All right, fine. Fine! 770 00:32:42,169 --> 00:32:45,589 I don't do anything inappropriate, I don't talk dirty, I don't sell my body. 771 00:32:45,673 --> 00:32:46,716 I literally bully them. 772 00:32:46,799 --> 00:32:48,759 -They just like to be degraded. -Mm… 773 00:32:48,843 --> 00:32:50,928 How long do you plan on making money like this? 774 00:32:51,012 --> 00:32:54,265 I make 20K a month off these guys, so until that goes away… 775 00:32:54,348 --> 00:32:55,224 Whoa. 776 00:32:55,307 --> 00:32:56,559 -[Christian] What? -[Tim] Wow. 777 00:32:57,059 --> 00:32:58,561 Now, get up for a minute. Get up. 778 00:32:58,644 --> 00:33:00,771 Let's be honest, both of you. 779 00:33:00,855 --> 00:33:02,398 Now, you're a subscriber. 780 00:33:02,481 --> 00:33:03,774 -Is it… -[Christian] Wait, what? 781 00:33:03,858 --> 00:33:06,110 Is it weird to see her in real life? 782 00:33:07,069 --> 00:33:08,029 [chuckles] 783 00:33:08,571 --> 00:33:11,449 -No. -Yeah, now, what do you think about this? 784 00:33:11,532 --> 00:33:13,534 Who do you think is right here? The… 785 00:33:13,617 --> 00:33:16,579 You know, I don't even know which, but, you know, what's going on? 786 00:33:16,662 --> 00:33:20,041 -20K a month is good. I'd… I'd say her. -[Bela] Thank you. 787 00:33:20,124 --> 00:33:21,625 Okay, what do you think about this? 788 00:33:21,709 --> 00:33:22,752 Her too. 789 00:33:22,835 --> 00:33:24,754 -Okay. Thank you. -Right. 790 00:33:24,837 --> 00:33:25,796 Thank you. 791 00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,007 It's the Charlottesville Riot. Thank you, guys, 792 00:33:28,966 --> 00:33:30,509 for coming here. 793 00:33:30,593 --> 00:33:32,970 This is such a weird Gen Z fucking problem. 794 00:33:33,637 --> 00:33:35,473 -Know what I mean? I get it. -This is normal! 795 00:33:35,556 --> 00:33:37,266 You don't want her to do fucking OnlyFans, 796 00:33:37,349 --> 00:33:40,978 but you want her to waste time with you, do YouTube, that's the worst argument. 797 00:33:41,062 --> 00:33:43,439 -Thank you. -[Tim] You know what I mean? 798 00:33:43,522 --> 00:33:45,316 You're not offering her a better alternative. 799 00:33:45,399 --> 00:33:48,027 Okay. Um, we could play Minecraft, Fortnite… 800 00:33:48,110 --> 00:33:49,695 -[Tim] Oh my God. -[crowd booing] 801 00:33:49,779 --> 00:33:52,239 -Oh my God, dude, no. -[Christian] What? 802 00:33:52,323 --> 00:33:53,741 Boo! 803 00:33:53,824 --> 00:33:55,576 -[Tim] No Minecraft. -Where's the money? 804 00:33:55,659 --> 00:33:57,661 Can you stand up, sir? Can you stand up? 805 00:33:57,745 --> 00:34:00,247 You got an erection when you heard the word "Minecraft." 806 00:34:00,331 --> 00:34:01,540 [crowd laughing] 807 00:34:01,624 --> 00:34:03,084 Now, Fortnite is… 808 00:34:03,167 --> 00:34:04,376 Now, let me… 809 00:34:04,460 --> 00:34:08,255 Will you play Fortnite with this guy so he doesn't bother this woman? 810 00:34:08,339 --> 00:34:09,590 He seems a bit boring. 811 00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:11,342 -Yeah. -Yeah. It's crazy to ask-- 812 00:34:11,425 --> 00:34:12,635 Are you a gamer? 813 00:34:12,718 --> 00:34:14,178 -Not particularly. -Really? 814 00:34:14,261 --> 00:34:17,139 Yeah. OnlyFans is more fun than gaming, it seems. 815 00:34:17,223 --> 00:34:19,850 Okay, all right. Would you subscribe? 816 00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:22,353 -How much is it a month? -[Bela] I'll bully you! 817 00:34:22,436 --> 00:34:24,105 I don't want to be bullied, no. 818 00:34:24,188 --> 00:34:25,439 You don't wanna be bullied? 819 00:34:25,523 --> 00:34:27,733 He had enough of it in high school. All right. 820 00:34:27,817 --> 00:34:29,318 [crowd applauding] 821 00:34:29,985 --> 00:34:32,822 Come here, what do you think? Are you… Who do you… Are you… 822 00:34:32,905 --> 00:34:35,783 Will you stand up for Christian? No one will. What do you think? 823 00:34:35,866 --> 00:34:38,202 I will stand for my family. And them both are my family. 824 00:34:38,285 --> 00:34:41,330 -That's my cousin! -Oh, this is your cousin? Really? 825 00:34:41,413 --> 00:34:42,623 [Bela] That's my cousin! 826 00:34:42,706 --> 00:34:45,709 -So who do you… Who do you agree with? -[crowd booing] 827 00:34:45,793 --> 00:34:47,378 -[cousin] Listen, as family… -Pick a side! 828 00:34:47,461 --> 00:34:52,007 As family goes, we like to stick together, so I don't want to choose both. 829 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,343 But make your money. Respectfully. 830 00:34:54,426 --> 00:34:56,387 -All right. That's fair. -[Bela] Thank you! 831 00:34:56,470 --> 00:34:57,763 That's fair. 832 00:34:57,847 --> 00:34:59,306 -All right, that's fair. -He gets it. 833 00:34:59,390 --> 00:35:03,269 Bela, is there anything, is there any way that you would stop doing OnlyFans? 834 00:35:03,352 --> 00:35:04,395 No. 835 00:35:05,271 --> 00:35:08,482 All right. Give it up for Bela and Christian, everybody. 836 00:35:08,566 --> 00:35:09,859 Clap it up for them. 837 00:35:10,734 --> 00:35:12,570 They should both go to jail. 838 00:35:14,780 --> 00:35:16,907 -[crowd booing] -[Tim] I've never met a more… 839 00:35:16,991 --> 00:35:19,785 I've never met a more hateable person. All right. 840 00:35:20,494 --> 00:35:22,705 I've never met a more hateable person. All right. 841 00:35:22,788 --> 00:35:24,874 [crowd continues booing] 842 00:35:24,957 --> 00:35:27,918 I hope the homeless attack them on the way out. I hope… 843 00:35:28,002 --> 00:35:32,006 I hope their skin is stripped off their body, one by one. I'm kidding. 844 00:35:32,089 --> 00:35:34,133 They're cute. What are you gonna do? I mean… 845 00:35:34,758 --> 00:35:39,722 And now, he's here to tell his wife he lost $200,000 on NFTs, 846 00:35:39,805 --> 00:35:42,892 but don't worry, he's still a true believer. 847 00:35:42,975 --> 00:35:45,394 Let's meet Francesco, everybody. 848 00:35:45,477 --> 00:35:48,772 -[upbeat synth music playing] -[crowd cheering] 849 00:35:50,858 --> 00:35:52,359 [Tim] Yeah! 850 00:35:52,943 --> 00:35:54,695 -What's up? -[Tim] Francesco. 851 00:35:56,989 --> 00:36:00,951 Francesco, you look like every friend I had who lost money on NFTs. 852 00:36:02,203 --> 00:36:03,204 [Tim laughs] 853 00:36:03,913 --> 00:36:05,164 Tell us what happened. 854 00:36:05,247 --> 00:36:09,418 Well, the first NFT that I invested in was a… 855 00:36:09,501 --> 00:36:11,837 was a picture of a 3D monkey. 856 00:36:11,921 --> 00:36:14,256 -Was it the Bored Ape? -It was a derivative of that. 857 00:36:14,340 --> 00:36:15,341 -It was a derivative? -Yes. 858 00:36:15,424 --> 00:36:18,761 So, it wasn't the Bored Ape Yacht Club, it was a knockoff-- 859 00:36:18,844 --> 00:36:20,471 -[crowd booing] -Hey! Hey! Hey! 860 00:36:21,305 --> 00:36:23,557 Jesus Christ. Hold on. 861 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:26,310 This guy's out here baring his soul. 862 00:36:26,393 --> 00:36:28,520 -[laughing] -Now, how much… 863 00:36:29,563 --> 00:36:33,776 do you go and lose with NFTs after it's all said and done? 864 00:36:33,859 --> 00:36:38,197 So, you know, after we were buying and selling and, you know, doing all that, 865 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:41,200 I was in the hole about 200 grand, you know, by the end of it 866 00:36:41,283 --> 00:36:42,201 [crowd] Ooh. 867 00:36:42,284 --> 00:36:44,620 Okay. And your wife does not know this? 868 00:36:44,703 --> 00:36:47,873 No, she has no clue that I lost that much money, yeah. 869 00:36:47,957 --> 00:36:49,792 -Yeah. [chuckles] -[crowd] Ooh. 870 00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:52,253 How do you think she's gonna react when you tell her? 871 00:36:52,836 --> 00:36:55,422 Well, my wife actually does have a finance background, 872 00:36:55,506 --> 00:36:58,801 and she works for a big financial institution, 873 00:36:59,468 --> 00:37:02,221 and she's been telling me that this is not a… 874 00:37:02,304 --> 00:37:05,099 wasn't a good idea for a long time. You know, for sure. 875 00:37:05,182 --> 00:37:08,811 So, wait a minute. Your wife, with the financial background, 876 00:37:08,894 --> 00:37:11,146 was telling you that this was not a good idea? 877 00:37:11,230 --> 00:37:12,147 No. 878 00:37:12,231 --> 00:37:18,279 And you still dumped $200,000 of family money into the… 879 00:37:18,988 --> 00:37:21,198 To be fair, $200,000 was what I lost. 880 00:37:21,282 --> 00:37:23,284 I dumped a lot more than that into it. 881 00:37:23,367 --> 00:37:24,910 [Tim] Okay, all right. All right. 882 00:37:24,994 --> 00:37:27,705 To be… If we're gonna be honest, air out our dirty laundry. 883 00:37:27,788 --> 00:37:29,081 [Tim] Okay, that's fine. 884 00:37:29,164 --> 00:37:31,125 All right, everybody, are you guys ready? 885 00:37:31,208 --> 00:37:33,210 [crowd cheering] 886 00:37:34,211 --> 00:37:35,296 [chanting] Bring her out! 887 00:37:35,379 --> 00:37:37,715 This show is all about getting honest. 888 00:37:37,798 --> 00:37:39,258 Bring her out! Bring her out! 889 00:37:39,341 --> 00:37:41,802 -That's right. -Bring her out! Bring her out! 890 00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:47,683 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Lindsey! 891 00:37:47,766 --> 00:37:50,394 -[crowd cheering] -[Lindsey laughing] 892 00:37:53,355 --> 00:37:55,566 [Tim] Lindsey, welcome to the show. 893 00:37:55,649 --> 00:37:57,860 Welcome to the show. 894 00:37:57,943 --> 00:37:59,737 Lindsey, well… 895 00:37:59,820 --> 00:38:01,864 Aw… [laughing] 896 00:38:05,367 --> 00:38:09,121 Oh, Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey. 897 00:38:09,204 --> 00:38:10,664 Welcome to the show. 898 00:38:10,748 --> 00:38:11,915 Congratulations. 899 00:38:11,999 --> 00:38:13,292 Thank you. 900 00:38:13,375 --> 00:38:15,127 How many months are you? 901 00:38:15,210 --> 00:38:16,378 Eight months. 902 00:38:16,462 --> 00:38:17,338 Wow. 903 00:38:18,047 --> 00:38:21,300 Give her a round of applause, everybody. Congratulations. 904 00:38:21,383 --> 00:38:23,844 [cheering] 905 00:38:23,927 --> 00:38:25,846 [Tim] Congratulations. 906 00:38:25,929 --> 00:38:28,932 And you're aware that your husband got into crypto and NFTs. 907 00:38:29,016 --> 00:38:31,143 What'd you think about that at the time? 908 00:38:31,226 --> 00:38:33,937 You know, I… I feel it's kind of bullshit. 909 00:38:34,521 --> 00:38:36,648 -Um, it's… -[crowd cheering] 910 00:38:36,732 --> 00:38:37,983 [Lindsey laughing] 911 00:38:38,067 --> 00:38:41,153 Your husband brought you here because he wants to confess something. 912 00:38:41,236 --> 00:38:42,363 -Oh God. -To you. 913 00:38:42,446 --> 00:38:45,074 -Okay. -And we're gonna let him take it away. 914 00:38:46,283 --> 00:38:47,618 Um… Yeah, so… 915 00:38:47,701 --> 00:38:50,204 [crowd laughing, jeering] 916 00:38:53,374 --> 00:38:57,002 You know, so, you know, we're having, you know, another child, you know. 917 00:38:57,086 --> 00:38:57,961 -Yeah. -And, uh… 918 00:38:58,045 --> 00:39:00,672 I wanted to make sure that, you know, we came clean about everything 919 00:39:00,756 --> 00:39:02,966 -in our financial situation. -Uh-huh. 920 00:39:03,050 --> 00:39:04,093 Our financial… 921 00:39:04,885 --> 00:39:07,638 Uh, you know, the story of our financials, you know… 922 00:39:07,721 --> 00:39:08,764 [exhales sharply] 923 00:39:08,847 --> 00:39:11,016 -You sound like Joe Biden. -Yeah. 924 00:39:11,100 --> 00:39:12,643 [laughing] 925 00:39:15,396 --> 00:39:18,232 -I, you know… Yeah, I got out. Yeah. -[woman] Spit it out already! 926 00:39:18,315 --> 00:39:20,150 [crowd jeering] 927 00:39:20,776 --> 00:39:21,610 So… 928 00:39:21,693 --> 00:39:26,615 [crowd chanting] Spit it out! Spit it out! Spit it out! Spit it out! Spit it out! 929 00:39:26,698 --> 00:39:28,617 Spit it out! Spit it out! 930 00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:31,370 -[chanting fades] -So, you know, to come clean, um… 931 00:39:31,453 --> 00:39:35,874 I did lose, uh, you know, around $200,000 of our money in that. 932 00:39:35,958 --> 00:39:36,792 What? 933 00:39:36,875 --> 00:39:38,877 [crowd] Ooh! 934 00:39:39,503 --> 00:39:42,840 I did lose about… about that amount. However… 935 00:39:42,923 --> 00:39:44,800 -However… -Wait. Wait a minute. 936 00:39:44,883 --> 00:39:48,470 You know, there are new opportunities. You know, there are new coins. 937 00:39:48,554 --> 00:39:49,930 [crowd laughing] 938 00:39:50,013 --> 00:39:52,266 So it… it… it… 939 00:39:52,349 --> 00:39:55,185 So there's these new coins called shitcoins now. 940 00:39:55,269 --> 00:39:56,478 -Babe. -And… 941 00:39:56,562 --> 00:39:58,480 [Tim] Hold on. Hold on. Let's… 942 00:39:58,564 --> 00:40:01,400 Let's give your wife Lindsey a minute 943 00:40:01,984 --> 00:40:04,611 to just deal with what you just said 944 00:40:04,695 --> 00:40:06,488 before you start pitching her 945 00:40:07,906 --> 00:40:10,200 on shitcoins, you psychopath. 946 00:40:11,118 --> 00:40:13,620 I mean, Jesus Christ. 947 00:40:13,704 --> 00:40:14,997 I mean… 948 00:40:15,497 --> 00:40:16,457 [Lindsey] Hold on. 949 00:40:16,540 --> 00:40:18,709 Two hundred thousand dollars? 950 00:40:18,792 --> 00:40:20,961 -Yep. -Are you insane? 951 00:40:23,630 --> 00:40:25,674 -Are you insane? -[sighing] 952 00:40:25,757 --> 00:40:27,885 Two hundred thousand dollars? 953 00:40:27,968 --> 00:40:31,221 Only when what you do… You know, when people say what you do is crazy, 954 00:40:31,305 --> 00:40:35,058 only then are you doing enough. That's what I live by, that's my… 955 00:40:35,142 --> 00:40:36,685 -[Lindsey] Babe. -That's my, like… 956 00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:37,686 [crowd booing] 957 00:40:37,769 --> 00:40:39,980 Two hundred thousand dollars? 958 00:40:40,063 --> 00:40:42,608 Wait a minute, what Gary Vaynerchuk quote is that? 959 00:40:43,775 --> 00:40:44,943 Come here for a second. 960 00:40:45,027 --> 00:40:48,238 If this guy… If anyone will agree with you, 961 00:40:48,322 --> 00:40:50,073 it's gonna be someone like this here. 962 00:40:50,157 --> 00:40:54,119 Come here, let me… You look pretty sympathetic to this. 963 00:40:54,203 --> 00:40:57,831 Do you support… This is a guy you'd do coke with in Miami. 964 00:40:57,915 --> 00:41:01,335 Now, what are you… When you hear this guy, what do you think? 965 00:41:01,418 --> 00:41:04,171 He lost $200,000, how do you feel? 966 00:41:04,254 --> 00:41:06,882 All right, admittedly, I did trade crypto. 967 00:41:07,799 --> 00:41:10,344 [crowd laughing, cheering] 968 00:41:10,427 --> 00:41:12,221 Wait a minute, we are… we are shocked. 969 00:41:13,305 --> 00:41:16,183 You could have opted into, like, a Roth IRA, 970 00:41:16,266 --> 00:41:18,894 you could have put your money into a trust, government bonds. 971 00:41:18,977 --> 00:41:22,856 Those pay out so well, in, like, 30 years. You would have been set up for retirement. 972 00:41:22,940 --> 00:41:23,899 [crowd booing] 973 00:41:23,982 --> 00:41:26,485 All right, sit down. Sit down. 974 00:41:26,568 --> 00:41:29,404 This guy's cucking for JPMorgan on the show, 975 00:41:30,113 --> 00:41:31,698 that's not what we want. 976 00:41:32,324 --> 00:41:36,245 I got him up because I thought he was going to be cool and on Molly and shit. 977 00:41:36,828 --> 00:41:39,831 And then he's talking about fucking Roth IRAs. 978 00:41:40,832 --> 00:41:43,377 Your husband's a lot cooler than this fucking guy. 979 00:41:43,460 --> 00:41:45,170 -I'm telling you right now. -He's not. 980 00:41:45,963 --> 00:41:48,966 Will you… Can you… Can you please just weigh in here 981 00:41:49,049 --> 00:41:50,801 because you look like a scumbag. 982 00:41:50,884 --> 00:41:51,969 Is there any way… 983 00:41:52,052 --> 00:41:54,304 Can you please back this guy up? 984 00:41:54,388 --> 00:41:56,515 Is there any… I mean, you understand, right? 985 00:41:56,598 --> 00:41:58,475 -It could have gone up. -[Lindsey] Do not do it. 986 00:41:58,559 --> 00:42:02,271 I wish I could, I don't think he has it. I think you got to switch turns. 987 00:42:02,354 --> 00:42:03,814 Let her handle the finances. 988 00:42:03,897 --> 00:42:06,191 You handle the children, seems you're more capable of that. 989 00:42:06,275 --> 00:42:08,527 -What do you… Oh-ho-ho-ho. Wait a minute. -[crowd] Oh! 990 00:42:11,780 --> 00:42:15,033 Is there anyone who will support this guy? 991 00:42:15,117 --> 00:42:18,537 -Is there any guy who will? Or woman? -No. 992 00:42:18,620 --> 00:42:20,956 -Yeah. -Yeah, stand up. Thank you, guy. 993 00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:23,917 Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so mu… 994 00:42:24,001 --> 00:42:26,712 You look like a character witness in a rape trial. 995 00:42:26,795 --> 00:42:28,714 [crowd laughing] 996 00:42:28,797 --> 00:42:30,591 I mean, Jesus Christ. 997 00:42:32,050 --> 00:42:33,510 [laughs] 998 00:42:34,928 --> 00:42:36,221 Hey, it was a tough year. 999 00:42:37,097 --> 00:42:39,391 You were trying to do something good for your family. 1000 00:42:39,474 --> 00:42:43,645 You were trying to make an investment. This is America. And the dream can happen. 1001 00:42:43,729 --> 00:42:46,398 Listen, Lindsey, American Psycho makes a good point. 1002 00:42:47,691 --> 00:42:51,320 I mean, even on the way here, I see this fucking hamster, 1003 00:42:51,403 --> 00:42:53,488 with, like, money popping off of it. 1004 00:42:53,572 --> 00:42:54,573 And I'm like, 1005 00:42:55,532 --> 00:42:56,450 "What is that?" 1006 00:42:56,533 --> 00:42:58,660 -Hamster Kombat. Big crypto. -What is that? 1007 00:42:58,744 --> 00:43:01,455 -Hamster Kombat. -That's the shit I don't want to see. 1008 00:43:01,538 --> 00:43:04,791 Wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on. Hamster Kombat? 1009 00:43:04,875 --> 00:43:05,709 Hamster Kombat. Yes. 1010 00:43:05,792 --> 00:43:08,003 -This sounds kinda badass. -[Francesco] It's pretty good. 1011 00:43:08,086 --> 00:43:11,131 Wait a minute. Hold on. What… Is it hamsters that kind of fight? 1012 00:43:11,214 --> 00:43:13,091 No! It's one hamster. 1013 00:43:13,175 --> 00:43:15,052 -And all it does is… -She doesn't understand. 1014 00:43:15,135 --> 00:43:17,012 He just hits it and little money signs pop up. 1015 00:43:17,095 --> 00:43:19,514 No, but I like this. Go on about this. 1016 00:43:19,598 --> 00:43:21,683 Now… No, no, no, you judgmental cunts. 1017 00:43:21,767 --> 00:43:23,101 Now, listen to me, this… 1018 00:43:23,185 --> 00:43:25,145 This is a hamster and what happens? 1019 00:43:25,228 --> 00:43:26,897 Well, the hamster, 1020 00:43:26,980 --> 00:43:30,067 it just appears out of thin air, the more you touch it, the more you… 1021 00:43:30,150 --> 00:43:33,320 the more you click on it, and then it becomes a CEO, 1022 00:43:33,403 --> 00:43:36,698 -and you can buy a Lambo with the ham… -[crowd booing] 1023 00:43:36,782 --> 00:43:39,576 Lindsey, you see this hamster on the plane, what do you think? 1024 00:43:39,660 --> 00:43:42,245 Right. I'm like, "Okay, what the hell are you doing?" 1025 00:43:42,329 --> 00:43:44,581 I'm like, "Turn the phone. Let me see the phone." 1026 00:43:44,665 --> 00:43:46,416 "Let me see the phone." Know what it was? 1027 00:43:46,500 --> 00:43:47,793 -It was-- -A woodchuck? 1028 00:43:47,876 --> 00:43:50,253 It was two cartoon women 1029 00:43:50,921 --> 00:43:52,589 called, "Twerk-something," 1030 00:43:52,673 --> 00:43:55,592 and the more you press it, the bigger their butts grow. 1031 00:43:55,676 --> 00:43:59,012 [crowd laughing, cheering] 1032 00:44:01,807 --> 00:44:04,559 It's a mini-game that's part of Hamster Kombat. 1033 00:44:04,643 --> 00:44:07,479 So to answer your question, to answer your question, 1034 00:44:07,562 --> 00:44:08,438 what I would like 1035 00:44:08,522 --> 00:44:11,858 is to not ever see any of this shit again. 1036 00:44:11,942 --> 00:44:13,694 Francesco, will you promise 1037 00:44:14,236 --> 00:44:16,697 to your beautiful pregnant wife right now 1038 00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:19,825 that you will not play… 1039 00:44:19,908 --> 00:44:20,909 Mm-hmm. 1040 00:44:20,992 --> 00:44:21,993 …with hamsters, 1041 00:44:22,828 --> 00:44:24,079 penguins, 1042 00:44:24,162 --> 00:44:26,498 apes, or big-butted women? 1043 00:44:28,875 --> 00:44:30,752 If that's what it takes to keep you… 1044 00:44:30,836 --> 00:44:33,380 -[crowd jeering] -If that's what it takes… if that… 1045 00:44:33,463 --> 00:44:37,384 If… If… If it's my wife or the crypto, 1046 00:44:37,467 --> 00:44:38,510 I would choose my wife. 1047 00:44:39,219 --> 00:44:43,223 All right, give them a round of applause. Let's give them a round of applause. 1048 00:44:46,184 --> 00:44:48,854 Lindsey, do you accept this? 1049 00:44:50,313 --> 00:44:51,898 I'll believe it when I see it. 1050 00:44:51,982 --> 00:44:55,193 All right. Well, give her a big hug. Give her a big hug and a kiss. 1051 00:44:55,277 --> 00:44:56,695 -Come on. -[crowd applauding] 1052 00:44:56,778 --> 00:44:58,321 [Tim] That's your hamster right there. 1053 00:44:58,405 --> 00:45:00,532 -That's your big hamster. -[Francesco] I love you. 1054 00:45:00,615 --> 00:45:03,744 Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Lindsey and Francesco, everybody. 1055 00:45:03,827 --> 00:45:06,079 -Give them a round of applause. -[crowd cheering] 1056 00:45:06,163 --> 00:45:07,581 [Tim] Give 'em a round of applause. 1057 00:45:07,664 --> 00:45:09,666 Thank you guys so much for coming on. Good luck. 1058 00:45:10,625 --> 00:45:13,295 Francesco, I have some opportunities for you later. 1059 00:45:13,378 --> 00:45:15,088 We'll figure it out. We'll talk. 1060 00:45:16,965 --> 00:45:21,219 Well, after what we've seen here tonight, we can only come to one conclusion. 1061 00:45:21,303 --> 00:45:22,888 Harvey Weinstein is innocent. 1062 00:45:22,971 --> 00:45:25,265 -[shocked laughter] -I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 1063 00:45:25,348 --> 00:45:29,019 The American people are very sick and there's not much we can do about it. 1064 00:45:29,102 --> 00:45:32,898 There's not enough prisons to house them, and we can't send them all to fight China. 1065 00:45:32,981 --> 00:45:35,150 So, what can we do? 1066 00:45:35,233 --> 00:45:37,986 We can keep feeding them and paying them for sex. 1067 00:45:38,069 --> 00:45:41,072 Thank you for watching, and register to vote! Good night! 1068 00:45:41,156 --> 00:45:43,325 -[cheering] -[upbeat synth music playing] 1069 00:45:43,408 --> 00:45:47,120 Are you willing to twerk for Kamala? Twerk for Kamala right now. 1070 00:45:47,621 --> 00:45:49,873 Twerk for Kamala. That's not twerking. 1071 00:45:49,956 --> 00:45:52,083 That's not twerk. That's horrible. 1072 00:45:52,167 --> 00:45:54,211 -You say you're a magician, right? -Yeah. 1073 00:45:54,294 --> 00:45:57,964 So pull the rabbit out of the hat and follow the White Rabbit for the truth. 1074 00:45:59,007 --> 00:46:00,509 Okay, that was terrible. 1075 00:46:00,592 --> 00:46:03,470 But the point is this… It was absolutely terrible. 1076 00:46:04,137 --> 00:46:05,972 -Freedom… -[crowd] Yeah. 1077 00:46:06,056 --> 00:46:07,641 [crowd jeering] 1078 00:46:07,724 --> 00:46:11,228 How… How fucking stupid is the entire… 1079 00:46:11,311 --> 00:46:12,979 I mean, this is amazing. 1080 00:46:13,063 --> 00:46:16,817 These women are treating you like a piñata, but you're allowing it to… 1081 00:46:16,900 --> 00:46:19,110 That's… And it's not because you're Mexican. 1082 00:46:19,986 --> 00:46:21,613 It's not because you're Mexican. 1083 00:46:21,696 --> 00:46:24,449 Oh, Mom! 1084 00:46:25,033 --> 00:46:25,951 So… 1085 00:46:27,327 --> 00:46:30,372 your boys, you would not manage as much, 1086 00:46:30,455 --> 00:46:33,750 but if your daughter became a fatty boom-batty, you would… 1087 00:46:33,834 --> 00:46:35,794 -You would get involved? -I'd be pretty upset. 1088 00:46:35,877 --> 00:46:38,296 -Maya, are you in a relationship now? -I am. 1089 00:46:38,380 --> 00:46:41,132 -And what type of man are you with now? -A provider. 1090 00:46:41,216 --> 00:46:43,343 -A generous man. -A generous man. Okay. 1091 00:46:43,426 --> 00:46:45,387 -And how old is he? -He's 84. 1092 00:46:45,470 --> 00:46:46,471 He's 84. 1093 00:46:46,555 --> 00:46:47,430 [crowd cheering] 1094 00:46:47,514 --> 00:46:49,015 He's 84 years… 1095 00:46:49,099 --> 00:46:50,684 -[crowd whooping] -He's… 1096 00:46:52,227 --> 00:46:54,354 How creepy are white people? 1097 00:46:54,437 --> 00:46:57,190 I'm not a gold-digging whore, but I am a size queen, 1098 00:46:57,274 --> 00:46:59,860 and the fact that you can cross your legs like that, 1099 00:47:00,485 --> 00:47:01,945 -I don't have the time. -[crowd] Oh! 1100 00:47:02,028 --> 00:47:05,115 Oh! 1101 00:47:06,867 --> 00:47:10,120 Jose! Jose! 1102 00:47:10,203 --> 00:47:11,663 I mean… Right? 1103 00:47:11,746 --> 00:47:13,790 -You're saying he's got a pussy? -Yes. 1104 00:47:13,874 --> 00:47:17,210 Kill John McCain! Kill John McCain! 1105 00:47:17,752 --> 00:47:21,131 [all chanting] Kill John McCain! Kill John McCain!