1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.LT 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.LT 3 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,267 Father in Heaven, 4 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:12,359 I kneel before you today in your omnipotent presence... 5 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,490 to ask that you grant me strength. 6 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:23,662 The strength to power through all the tasks today, 7 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,163 whether little or big. 8 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,838 I know it is by your will that I live, O Lord. 9 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:36,299 And I know it is also by your will... 10 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,844 that I will not go weak today. 11 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,762 I will not go lazy... 12 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:47,811 nor will I fail to do the things that are set before me. 13 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,567 Thank you for your everlasting presence, Lord, 14 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,446 and in Jesus' name I pray. 15 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:02,325 In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. 16 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:05,620 Amen. 17 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,094 I'm gonna be going away for a few days. 18 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:25,891 I won't be that long, but your mother's here and she... 19 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:28,393 Um... 20 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,520 You know. 21 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,315 Anyway, I just thought to let you know. 22 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,068 I'm going away, and... 23 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,208 Viking, North and South Utsire, Forties. 24 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,544 Southwesterly, veering northwesterly, 25 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:26,381 six to gale eight, perhaps severe gale nine later. 26 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:30,135 Rain, then wintry showers, moderate or poor, becoming good. 27 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,388 Cromarty, Forth, Tyne, Dogger. 28 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:38,601 Southwesterly, veering westerly, five to seven, occasionally gale eight. 29 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,646 Rains and showers, moderate or good. 30 00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:46,818 Fisher, southwesterly, veering westerly, six to gale eight, 31 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:49,404 perhaps severe gale nine, later. 32 00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:53,783 Rain, then wintry showers, moderate or poor, becoming good. 33 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,661 German Bight, Humber. 34 00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,872 Southwesterly, veering westerly, 35 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:03,293 seven to severe gale nine, decreasing six in Humber later. 36 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:07,756 Rain then showers, moderate or poor, becoming good. 37 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,885 Thames, Dover, Wight, Portland, Plymouth. 38 00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:17,474 Southwesterly, six to gale eight. Occasionally severe gale nine, veering... 39 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:47,999 ♪ My future is shrouded In dark wilderness ♪ 40 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,965 ♪ Sunshine is far away ♪ 41 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,594 ♪ Clouds linger on ♪ 42 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,185 ♪ Everything I possessed ♪ 43 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:11,105 ♪ Now they are gone ♪ 44 00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:14,484 ♪ They are gone ♪ 45 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:20,573 ♪ They are gone ♪ 46 00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:43,888 ♪ Oh, where can I go to ♪ 47 00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:48,059 ♪ And what can I do?♪ 48 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:55,525 ♪ Nothing can please me ♪ 49 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,151 ♪ Only thoughts are of you ♪ 50 00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,286 ♪ You just laughed ♪ 51 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:11,416 ♪ When I begged you to stay ♪ 52 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:18,131 ♪ I've not stopped crying ♪ 53 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:21,968 ♪ Since you went away ♪ 54 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:24,887 ♪ You went away ♪ 55 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,391 ♪ You went away ♪ 56 00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:07,388 ♪ The world is a lonely place ♪ 57 00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,516 ♪ You're on your own ♪ 58 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:19,108 ♪ Guess I will go home ♪ 59 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,360 ♪ Sit down and moan ♪ 60 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:30,078 ♪ Crying and thinking ♪ 61 00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:33,623 ♪ Is all that I do ♪ 62 00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:43,758 ♪ Memories I have remind me of you ♪ 63 00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:49,514 ♪ Of you ♪ 64 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,058 ♪ Of you ♪ 65 00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:33,933 ♪ The world is a lonely place ♪ 66 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:37,770 ♪ You're on your own ♪ 67 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,987 ♪ Guess I will go home ♪ 68 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:49,574 ♪ Sit down and moan ♪ 69 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,956 ♪ Crying and thinking ♪ 70 00:15:57,039 --> 00:16:00,334 ♪ Is all that I do ♪ 71 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:08,468 ♪ Memories I have ♪ 72 00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:12,472 ♪ Remind me of you ♪ 73 00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:14,432 ♪ Of you ♪ 74 00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:22,356 ♪ Of you ♪ 75 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,192 Our inheritance. 76 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:41,978 Thank you. 77 00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:50,570 Bless us, O' Lord, and these thy gifts... 78 00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,365 which we're about to receive. 79 00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,996 Through Christ our Lord, we pray... 80 00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:07,169 ♪ All my pictures are falling ♪ 81 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:14,510 ♪ From the wall Where I placed them yesterday v 82 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:20,433 ♪ The world is turning ♪ 83 00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:28,357 ♪ Get out of town ♪ 84 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:34,739 ♪ Think I'll get out of town ♪ 85 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:45,625 ♪ Get out of town ♪ 86 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:51,672 ♪ Think I'll get out of town ♪ 87 00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,514 ♪ Head for the sticks ♪ 88 00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:04,018 ♪ With my bus and friends ♪ 89 00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:11,817 ♪ Gonna follow the road Though I don't know where it ends v 90 00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,277 ♪Get out of town ♪ 91 00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,827 ♪ Get out of town ♪ 92 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,872 Twenty years, huh? 93 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,461 Bless you, Brother. 94 00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:32,630 Fuck off. 95 00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:55,981 Brian, love. 96 00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:06,158 Brian. 97 00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:36,981 Oh, sweetie. 98 00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:47,074 Where's he gone? 99 00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:48,868 Who? 100 00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,078 Your dad? 101 00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:53,038 Has he gone to see him? 102 00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:59,837 But what the fuck has he got to do with it, Mum? 103 00:23:01,672 --> 00:23:03,549 -What has he got to do with it? -Everything. 104 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:04,633 What? 105 00:23:10,139 --> 00:23:11,390 Why'd you hurt that lad, eh? 106 00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:13,726 -He was fucking asking for it, Mum. -Brian. 107 00:23:17,479 --> 00:23:19,231 Did he say something about your dad? 108 00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:20,399 Jem's my dad. 109 00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:24,528 He said something about Ray? 110 00:23:24,612 --> 00:23:26,906 Well, if you know so much, then why are you asking me? 111 00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:28,282 Don't be so cheeky. 112 00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:31,452 I'm just trying to talk to you. 113 00:23:37,458 --> 00:23:39,835 You nearly murdered that lad. Do you hear me? 114 00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:42,212 One more killer in the family. Who's counting? 115 00:23:45,007 --> 00:23:46,216 Ray's not a killer. 116 00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:49,803 And even if he was one, 117 00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:51,847 does it mean you have to be? 118 00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:55,559 Eh? 119 00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:58,270 Come here. 120 00:24:05,235 --> 00:24:06,445 Ray's not a killer. 121 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:20,376 Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. 122 00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:24,004 Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. 123 00:24:24,088 --> 00:24:25,714 Give us this day our daily bread. 124 00:24:25,798 --> 00:24:29,093 And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. 125 00:24:49,905 --> 00:24:50,906 Dear Ray. 126 00:24:51,949 --> 00:24:54,994 I'm not sure you'll even get this letter, or read it even. 127 00:24:59,248 --> 00:25:01,834 So in the fact of hope and answered prayers, 128 00:25:01,917 --> 00:25:02,960 you'll be reading this one. 129 00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:05,337 I want to start by asking how you are. 130 00:25:08,424 --> 00:25:11,093 The silence still burns after all the years. 131 00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:14,513 And I often wonder if you think about me. Us. 132 00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:32,948 Did you read it? 133 00:25:38,037 --> 00:25:39,246 Did you read it? 134 00:25:48,255 --> 00:25:50,966 No, I didn't fucking read it. 135 00:27:49,459 --> 00:27:52,838 "Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, 136 00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:56,216 and wine unto the bitter in soul." 137 00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:58,218 Amen. 138 00:28:10,063 --> 00:28:11,815 Her Majesty the Queen. 139 00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:22,326 What happened to, "For what we are about to receive"? 140 00:28:29,917 --> 00:28:33,003 So it's only before eating that you say grace? 141 00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:39,009 He don't mind if you have a few fucking bevvies without a word. 142 00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:56,485 You forgot to wipe your arse this morning. 143 00:28:56,568 --> 00:28:58,237 I saw the shit in your pants. 144 00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:01,657 No, that were from yesterday. 145 00:29:03,116 --> 00:29:04,952 You dirty bastard. 146 00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:15,087 Is cleanliness next to godliness, would you say? 147 00:29:20,801 --> 00:29:22,719 How do you know he's not filthy? 148 00:29:22,803 --> 00:29:24,012 Is there any evidence in the Bible 149 00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:26,431 that says God takes a bath three times a week? 150 00:29:27,307 --> 00:29:29,017 Changes his undies every day? 151 00:29:29,101 --> 00:29:32,062 God doesn't need undies 'cause he's not full of shit like you are. 152 00:29:32,145 --> 00:29:33,897 Is that so? 153 00:29:33,981 --> 00:29:36,066 Has he got an endless supply up there? 154 00:29:36,149 --> 00:29:38,777 Bet he never has to wear the same pair twice. 155 00:29:40,821 --> 00:29:43,615 Does he like a nice snug fit? 156 00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:46,576 Or does he like plenty of room 157 00:29:46,660 --> 00:29:51,790 for his big fucking God balls to swing around in? 158 00:29:51,873 --> 00:29:54,918 I bet they're like massive fucking church bells, them. 159 00:29:56,378 --> 00:29:59,798 Bet it's like Canterbury Cathedral down below decks. 160 00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,680 You're going to hell, Brother. 161 00:30:07,931 --> 00:30:09,641 Family reunion? 162 00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:19,693 Father Rippon died last week. 163 00:30:19,776 --> 00:30:21,028 Saw it in the paper. 164 00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:24,197 Don't read papers. 165 00:30:27,909 --> 00:30:29,411 Did you ever see him again? 166 00:30:30,871 --> 00:30:32,122 Is that a question? 167 00:30:37,169 --> 00:30:40,714 Did hear he were carted off to the nut house a few years ago. 168 00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:48,263 Please read that letter, Ray. 169 00:30:48,347 --> 00:30:51,892 When I were back on leave after third tour of the province, 170 00:30:52,809 --> 00:30:55,062 lost two of our lads on that one... 171 00:30:58,148 --> 00:31:00,067 I started to think about him, Rippon. 172 00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:04,446 The more I thought about him, the more I wanted to pay him a visit. 173 00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:06,323 Have a catch-up. 174 00:31:06,406 --> 00:31:09,117 A debrief about the good old days. 175 00:31:10,952 --> 00:31:13,163 Anyway, when I got home, I looked him up. 176 00:31:14,289 --> 00:31:16,124 Weren't easy to find. 177 00:31:17,167 --> 00:31:21,421 Course they'd moved him around a bit. Business as usual. 178 00:31:21,505 --> 00:31:23,131 Tracked him down in Huddersfield. 179 00:31:24,925 --> 00:31:27,344 You should've seen me all togged out in me number twos. 180 00:31:27,427 --> 00:31:30,931 I mean, for someone that were in shit order most days of the week, 181 00:31:31,014 --> 00:31:32,391 I smartened up well. 182 00:31:33,058 --> 00:31:35,477 Cacks under the mattress the night before. 183 00:31:36,144 --> 00:31:39,773 Razor-sharp creases front and back. 184 00:31:39,856 --> 00:31:42,984 I were bulling me boots all morning. Like mirrors they were. 185 00:31:43,068 --> 00:31:45,320 This were parade ground standard, Jem. 186 00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:49,199 Could've done ceremonial duty at Buck Pal, I looked that good. 187 00:31:50,033 --> 00:31:51,993 Number two dress and medals. 188 00:31:52,077 --> 00:31:53,620 I were that well turned out, 189 00:31:54,246 --> 00:31:57,999 I could hear our dear mother's voice saying, "Come home, Son, 190 00:31:58,083 --> 00:31:59,418 all is forgiven." 191 00:32:00,043 --> 00:32:01,086 Number ones. 192 00:32:01,628 --> 00:32:03,422 -The what? -Number one dress at the Palace. 193 00:32:03,505 --> 00:32:05,340 Yeah, right, right. That's what I'm saying. 194 00:32:05,424 --> 00:32:07,426 I were that smart you wouldn't have known the difference. 195 00:32:07,509 --> 00:32:10,011 Yeah, I suppose not if you were pig-ignorant. 196 00:32:12,514 --> 00:32:13,515 Hmm. 197 00:32:14,349 --> 00:32:17,227 So, I go round his house. 198 00:32:17,310 --> 00:32:20,188 Lovely little grace-and-favor cottage 199 00:32:20,272 --> 00:32:23,108 paid for by his holiness, no doubt. 200 00:32:23,191 --> 00:32:26,361 Window boxes. Perfect little lawn. 201 00:32:26,445 --> 00:32:27,863 Hedges trimmed. 202 00:32:27,946 --> 00:32:30,157 Knock on the door and there he is. 203 00:32:30,949 --> 00:32:33,743 All scrubbed up, pink and shiny. 204 00:32:36,204 --> 00:32:37,497 He seemed so old. 205 00:32:39,166 --> 00:32:41,626 I remember him as a big strong bugger. 206 00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:46,131 And there he were, scrawny, little old man with a potbelly. 207 00:32:46,214 --> 00:32:48,383 I was surprised at how small he looked. 208 00:32:48,467 --> 00:32:50,343 I said, "Father Rippon, isn't it? 209 00:32:50,427 --> 00:32:52,637 I'm collecting for the Veterans Association, 210 00:32:52,721 --> 00:32:55,140 would you mind if I stepped inside for a moment?" 211 00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:58,143 I could tell he were impressed. "Oh, do come in. Do come in, young man. 212 00:32:58,226 --> 00:33:00,395 You're very welcome, son. Do come in." 213 00:33:01,313 --> 00:33:03,565 He's all fluffed up, bustling about. 214 00:33:03,648 --> 00:33:06,610 The kettle's on. Fine china. Biscuits. 215 00:33:06,693 --> 00:33:07,819 The whole works. 216 00:33:07,903 --> 00:33:10,363 "You'll take a cuppa, won't you, son?" 217 00:33:10,447 --> 00:33:12,115 We sit down. 218 00:33:12,199 --> 00:33:14,534 Sit down in his tidy little parlor. 219 00:33:14,618 --> 00:33:16,036 Chatting about this and that. 220 00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:18,914 I say, "This is your parish, is it, Father?" 221 00:33:18,997 --> 00:33:22,375 He says, "Oh, I'm currently between parishes. 222 00:33:22,459 --> 00:33:24,503 Semi-retired. You know?" 223 00:33:24,586 --> 00:33:26,755 I said, "That must be difficult 224 00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:29,090 after all the years of service." 225 00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:40,185 We talk about... 226 00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:42,729 talking about the state of things, 227 00:33:42,812 --> 00:33:45,357 the ungovernable, godless youth. 228 00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:47,108 He asks me... 229 00:33:47,734 --> 00:33:49,611 "Are you of the faith, son?" 230 00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,697 And I say, 231 00:33:52,781 --> 00:33:55,867 "Faith runs very deep in our family, Father." 232 00:33:58,453 --> 00:34:02,165 He says, "Of course, what I miss most of all is working with young people." 233 00:34:02,249 --> 00:34:04,376 I nearly choked on me custard cream. 234 00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:09,005 Anyway, so, there's a lull in the conversation. 235 00:34:09,089 --> 00:34:10,966 And he says, "I do beg your pardon, corporal, 236 00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:13,301 perhaps you'd like something stronger." 237 00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:20,100 I just look at him for a long time. 238 00:34:23,687 --> 00:34:26,189 "Would you like something stronger, Father?" 239 00:34:31,361 --> 00:34:33,530 I could see the thrill of it coursing through him. 240 00:34:33,613 --> 00:34:34,823 He didn't dare believe. 241 00:34:34,906 --> 00:34:38,493 His face darkened, his eyes all glittery. 242 00:34:38,994 --> 00:34:41,496 He said, "Well, I would if you would." He starts to get up. 243 00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:45,500 I say, "I'm very strong, Father Rippon." 244 00:34:46,793 --> 00:34:49,337 He sits back down as if his legs went from under him. 245 00:34:49,421 --> 00:34:50,422 I say, 246 00:34:52,215 --> 00:34:53,675 "Would you like to have a look?" 247 00:34:55,302 --> 00:34:58,179 I start to unbutton me trousers. I thought he might have a heart attack. 248 00:34:58,263 --> 00:35:00,515 He just couldn't believe it. It was like Christmas come early. 249 00:35:00,599 --> 00:35:02,350 So I stood meself up... 250 00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:06,271 teasing open the buttons like a rent boy. 251 00:35:07,689 --> 00:35:09,399 Dropped the Cacks. 252 00:35:09,482 --> 00:35:11,067 Dropped me undies. 253 00:35:12,819 --> 00:35:14,362 I say, "There it is." 254 00:35:15,655 --> 00:35:17,449 I said, "Lie down on the floor." 255 00:35:18,158 --> 00:35:21,077 He lies down, eager to accommodate. 256 00:35:21,995 --> 00:35:25,290 I said, "In a crucifix. That'll make me nice and hard." 257 00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:30,462 Waddled forward a few steps so I'm stood right over him. 258 00:35:30,545 --> 00:35:34,007 Oh, there's one detail I forgot to mention, Jem. 259 00:35:34,090 --> 00:35:36,468 For a few days before I went round, 260 00:35:36,551 --> 00:35:39,095 I were on a diet of Guinness and curry. 261 00:35:39,763 --> 00:35:42,891 And then the afternoon of, I took a handful of laxatives. 262 00:35:46,269 --> 00:35:47,646 It were hard to get the timing right. 263 00:35:47,729 --> 00:35:49,939 I was sat in me car outside his house for a couple of hours 264 00:35:50,023 --> 00:35:51,358 and nothing was shifting. 265 00:35:52,901 --> 00:35:54,235 But as soon as I felt that... 266 00:35:55,028 --> 00:35:56,488 stirring within, 267 00:35:57,238 --> 00:35:58,907 I'd knocked on his door. 268 00:36:00,575 --> 00:36:03,286 As I'm sitting there, it's welling up inside me. 269 00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:05,664 And now, I swear I'm coming apart at the seams. 270 00:36:05,747 --> 00:36:07,582 The rivets are popping out of me. 271 00:36:11,002 --> 00:36:14,005 The army teaches you to grin and bear it, doesn't it, Jem? 272 00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:18,802 We do love the exquisite agony... 273 00:36:19,511 --> 00:36:20,887 of self-denial. 274 00:36:23,098 --> 00:36:24,099 So... 275 00:36:24,974 --> 00:36:26,476 I'm stood over him. 276 00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:30,897 I say... 277 00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:32,941 "Don't recognize me, do you?" 278 00:36:33,942 --> 00:36:35,193 "What?" 279 00:36:36,361 --> 00:36:37,904 I say, "Little Ray. 280 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,908 I'm your Little Ray from the care home." 281 00:36:45,620 --> 00:36:49,541 Takes him a good few moments, his eyes flicking this way and that. 282 00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,001 When the penny drops, 283 00:36:52,711 --> 00:36:55,338 fear runs through him like electricity. 284 00:36:56,131 --> 00:36:58,425 And the stinking sweat poured out of him. 285 00:36:58,508 --> 00:37:01,052 "Oh, please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me." 286 00:37:01,136 --> 00:37:02,679 I said, "Don't move." 287 00:37:05,014 --> 00:37:08,810 "If you move an inch, I'll cut off your meat and potatoes 288 00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,980 and shove them down your fucking throat. 289 00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,899 You can suck yourself off for a change." 290 00:37:14,983 --> 00:37:16,568 Well, come to think of it, 291 00:37:16,651 --> 00:37:18,945 shame he didn't learn to do that a few years ago. 292 00:37:19,028 --> 00:37:20,947 He might've been self-sufficient. 293 00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:24,534 Shuffled forwards, 294 00:37:25,201 --> 00:37:27,412 about-turn, very awkward, 295 00:37:28,288 --> 00:37:30,498 heels on his stringy little arms. 296 00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:33,710 He flinched. I could tell it hurt him, but he daren't move. 297 00:37:34,377 --> 00:37:37,046 "Now, look up the sluice pipe, Father." 298 00:37:38,214 --> 00:37:40,133 And I squatted down. 299 00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:43,428 And I manured him. 300 00:37:49,934 --> 00:37:50,935 Now... 301 00:37:55,982 --> 00:38:00,028 this evacuation were in three distinct phases. 302 00:38:00,111 --> 00:38:03,198 First, I sprayed... ...sprayed him, 303 00:38:04,949 --> 00:38:06,701 pebble dashed him. 304 00:38:10,163 --> 00:38:13,541 Like a flock of pigeons taking off, they were. 305 00:38:16,544 --> 00:38:20,215 Then a couple of waves of hot lava. 306 00:38:22,217 --> 00:38:25,887 And finally, one... one big... 307 00:38:32,393 --> 00:38:34,938 ...one big patty cake, 308 00:38:35,021 --> 00:38:37,524 like wet cement, 309 00:38:37,607 --> 00:38:39,984 flops out of me. 310 00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:44,322 And he's retching and spitting and he daren't breathe in, 311 00:38:44,405 --> 00:38:46,241 but he has to breathe. 312 00:38:46,324 --> 00:38:47,450 And I'm laughing that much, 313 00:38:47,534 --> 00:38:51,412 I feared I might topple over into me own filth. 314 00:38:55,208 --> 00:38:56,334 And that's it. 315 00:38:56,918 --> 00:38:58,127 I stood up. 316 00:38:59,504 --> 00:39:02,006 A little packet of wet wipes in me pocket, 317 00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:05,260 cleaned myself up, 318 00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:09,472 and walked out of there light as a feather. 319 00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:30,118 Did you believe that? 320 00:39:52,891 --> 00:39:55,894 Did he do you in the hole? Huh? 321 00:40:02,567 --> 00:40:03,693 No. 322 00:40:05,361 --> 00:40:06,863 I bet he didn't. 323 00:40:07,822 --> 00:40:10,408 Even at that age, they were scared of you. 324 00:40:16,247 --> 00:40:19,959 Where were you when he was fucking me up the hole? 325 00:40:20,043 --> 00:40:21,044 Eh? 326 00:40:22,295 --> 00:40:23,671 He done me proper. 327 00:40:26,215 --> 00:40:27,842 He done me proper. 328 00:40:48,404 --> 00:40:50,782 Didn't have much luck with fathers, did we? 329 00:41:06,756 --> 00:41:08,049 How about some tunes? 330 00:45:16,881 --> 00:45:20,134 Fucking hell. Fucking pig. 331 00:45:27,266 --> 00:45:28,434 What's wrong with you? 332 00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:33,481 All right? 333 00:45:35,233 --> 00:45:36,567 Fucking hell. 334 00:45:38,527 --> 00:45:39,737 What you doing that for? 335 00:45:43,658 --> 00:45:45,701 What are you doing that for? Hmm? 336 00:45:46,285 --> 00:45:48,037 -What are you doing that for? -What? 337 00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:49,664 Just chucking them in your mouth. 338 00:46:00,508 --> 00:46:01,884 I'm not gonna eat them now. 339 00:46:08,975 --> 00:46:10,977 Come on! 340 00:46:11,060 --> 00:46:12,812 I'm fucking crossing there, you fucking twat! 341 00:46:12,895 --> 00:46:16,232 Look where you're fucking going, you stupid... 342 00:46:20,820 --> 00:46:21,862 Nessa? 343 00:46:23,114 --> 00:46:24,115 Nessa. 344 00:46:25,574 --> 00:46:26,575 Hattie? 345 00:46:28,869 --> 00:46:29,996 Give me one minute. 346 00:46:33,666 --> 00:46:36,252 Look at you in your white coat. 347 00:46:36,335 --> 00:46:39,046 Don't get ahead of yourself. I'm only a trainee, Nessa. 348 00:46:39,630 --> 00:46:41,299 It looks good on you though. 349 00:46:41,382 --> 00:46:43,467 Even the cleaners get white coats in the chemist. 350 00:46:45,094 --> 00:46:46,971 -Have you finished uni? -Mm-mmm. 351 00:46:47,054 --> 00:46:48,222 Finals coming up this year. 352 00:46:48,306 --> 00:46:50,808 -This is my workplace training. -Right. 353 00:46:50,891 --> 00:46:52,393 I'm glad I ran into you, Nessa. 354 00:46:52,476 --> 00:46:54,645 I've not heard from Brian for an age now. 355 00:46:54,729 --> 00:46:56,022 Is he all right? 356 00:47:20,963 --> 00:47:21,964 What? 357 00:47:27,511 --> 00:47:28,512 What? 358 00:48:42,420 --> 00:48:43,629 I really hurt him, Hattie. 359 00:48:47,842 --> 00:48:49,260 I don't know what... I... 360 00:48:51,804 --> 00:48:53,556 I... I don't actually know. 361 00:48:55,433 --> 00:48:56,434 I just, I... 362 00:48:57,059 --> 00:48:58,811 I couldn't stop myself. 363 00:49:04,942 --> 00:49:06,068 I have... 364 00:49:06,902 --> 00:49:08,696 I hurt him badly. 365 00:49:11,991 --> 00:49:14,785 -What did he say to you? -I can't even remember, Hattie. 366 00:49:16,829 --> 00:49:18,038 Well, I can... 367 00:49:19,373 --> 00:49:21,750 But, it's just... 368 00:49:22,835 --> 00:49:24,587 the usual stupid shit. 369 00:49:25,796 --> 00:49:26,964 About him? 370 00:49:28,466 --> 00:49:29,467 I just... 371 00:49:30,634 --> 00:49:32,261 Fuck, I just... 372 00:49:33,804 --> 00:49:35,055 I don't know. I just... 373 00:50:09,089 --> 00:50:10,966 You were in East Tyrone, right? 374 00:50:13,427 --> 00:50:16,597 Oh, let me just cast me mind back for a moment. 375 00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:17,681 Wrong. 376 00:50:20,309 --> 00:50:22,019 You know exactly where I were. 377 00:50:23,103 --> 00:50:24,396 Crossmaglen. 378 00:50:25,439 --> 00:50:26,649 Bandit country. 379 00:50:32,196 --> 00:50:35,616 There were an IRA Active Service Unit operating in the area, 380 00:50:35,699 --> 00:50:36,742 doing all sorts. 381 00:50:36,825 --> 00:50:39,954 They were very good, very skillful. 382 00:50:41,789 --> 00:50:42,790 Cunning. 383 00:50:42,873 --> 00:50:45,167 Ghosting back and forth across the border. 384 00:50:47,169 --> 00:50:48,170 Yeah, it were cat and mouse. 385 00:50:48,254 --> 00:50:50,965 Sometimes we were the cats, sometimes they were. 386 00:50:52,216 --> 00:50:54,677 As often as not, you weren't even sure which. 387 00:50:56,929 --> 00:50:59,640 You could have them in your sights with the safety catch off, 388 00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:02,017 meantime, they'd have a high-velocity round 389 00:51:02,101 --> 00:51:04,895 merrily winging its way toward the back of your head. 390 00:51:09,858 --> 00:51:12,194 Just in the week before we'd dug in... 391 00:51:14,530 --> 00:51:18,158 we found and defused three massive IEDs of theirs. 392 00:51:19,410 --> 00:51:22,204 They shot and killed one of our dog handlers 393 00:51:22,288 --> 00:51:23,330 and the dog. 394 00:51:23,998 --> 00:51:26,041 And they shot down a fucking helicopter. 395 00:51:26,750 --> 00:51:28,002 One week's work. 396 00:51:29,169 --> 00:51:32,047 Provo Army Council expected results... 397 00:51:33,716 --> 00:51:35,968 ...and they weren't disappointed. 398 00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:41,140 Incendiaries, 399 00:51:42,224 --> 00:51:44,935 IEDs, grenades, mortars, 400 00:51:45,811 --> 00:51:48,105 sniper rifles, heavy machine guns... 401 00:51:49,273 --> 00:51:51,150 Were better equipped than we were. 402 00:52:02,786 --> 00:52:03,829 What happened? 403 00:55:44,550 --> 00:55:46,718 Are they the flowers our dad used to grow? 404 00:55:48,512 --> 00:55:49,680 Anemones? 405 00:56:19,710 --> 00:56:22,170 I write as if you've read all my other letters. 406 00:56:23,672 --> 00:56:26,466 The desire to talk to you and share everything is strong, 407 00:56:26,550 --> 00:56:29,887 however this isn't about me, this is about Brian. 408 00:56:32,514 --> 00:56:33,724 Brian needs you. 409 00:56:36,810 --> 00:56:39,479 Never before have I asked you in this way. 410 00:56:42,441 --> 00:56:43,609 He's in trouble. 411 00:58:34,386 --> 00:58:35,637 You leaving? 412 00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:46,523 Accommodation not good enough for you? 413 00:58:55,657 --> 00:58:57,451 When you legged it, 414 00:58:58,785 --> 00:59:00,537 every day, Nessa wrote to you. 415 00:59:00,620 --> 00:59:01,913 How long was it? 416 00:59:04,249 --> 00:59:06,877 When you went limping off into the woods, 417 00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:10,255 she didn't want to interfere with your decision. 418 00:59:12,799 --> 00:59:15,552 For a couple of years, we thought you'd just turn up one day. 419 00:59:17,179 --> 00:59:19,765 She had no idea if you got her letters, 420 00:59:19,848 --> 00:59:21,349 let alone if you read them. 421 00:59:24,853 --> 00:59:26,229 You knew she were pregnant. 422 00:59:28,106 --> 00:59:29,608 You never answered her once. 423 00:59:37,365 --> 00:59:39,159 You been going through me things? 424 00:59:44,581 --> 00:59:48,126 Fuck off back to toy town, you fucking ape. 425 00:59:49,544 --> 00:59:52,964 Got me girl, got me son, got me life. 426 00:59:53,048 --> 00:59:54,549 What more do you fucking want? 427 00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:59,304 It was you that left. You. Get over yourself, lad. 428 01:00:00,555 --> 01:00:02,641 It's not about you. Fact. 429 01:00:03,809 --> 01:00:05,102 It's about Brian. 430 01:00:05,185 --> 01:00:08,021 Poor only child of a deranged fugitive. 431 01:00:10,148 --> 01:00:12,818 Didn't you want to give him some brothers and sisters to play with? 432 01:00:15,237 --> 01:00:17,405 You're a big lump of a lad. 433 01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,283 Don't tell me you were firing blanks. 434 01:00:24,496 --> 01:00:26,248 She prayed for you every night, Ray. 435 01:00:28,166 --> 01:00:29,167 Still prays for you. 436 01:00:29,251 --> 01:00:31,419 Tell her to save her fucking breath. 437 01:00:32,879 --> 01:00:34,673 And our dad prayed for you too, 438 01:00:35,340 --> 01:00:37,259 every day for the rest of his life. 439 01:00:37,342 --> 01:00:38,677 Have you gone soft? 440 01:00:39,553 --> 01:00:40,971 That miserable bastard? 441 01:00:41,805 --> 01:00:44,224 Oh, he prayed. He prayed, didn't he? 442 01:00:45,433 --> 01:00:47,102 Prayed every time he took his belt off. 443 01:00:47,185 --> 01:00:48,687 Didn't he pray again afterwards? 444 01:00:48,770 --> 01:00:50,730 Wet under the arms from the efforts of his labor. 445 01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:52,357 Oh, he prayed regular. 446 01:00:53,817 --> 01:00:57,070 We learnt our violence from the number one regional champion, 447 01:00:57,154 --> 01:00:59,322 and he had some stiff competition. 448 01:00:59,906 --> 01:01:01,158 Who knows, maybe at the... 449 01:01:01,241 --> 01:01:05,328 the British Legion dominoes championships, 450 01:01:05,412 --> 01:01:06,621 he's life and soul. 451 01:01:06,705 --> 01:01:09,040 Blazer, badge, regimental tie, chest out front, 452 01:01:09,124 --> 01:01:11,168 yes, the long-range desert patrol. 453 01:01:11,251 --> 01:01:12,460 Now that were war. 454 01:01:12,544 --> 01:01:14,004 Sand for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 455 01:01:14,087 --> 01:01:16,214 If Rommel didn't get you, the flies surely would. 456 01:01:16,298 --> 01:01:17,340 He didn't talk like that. 457 01:01:17,424 --> 01:01:19,926 That's right. He didn't fucking talk at all, did he? 458 01:01:20,010 --> 01:01:24,181 I've had plenty of fucking time to fill in the fucking silence for him. 459 01:01:25,098 --> 01:01:27,100 What do you want from me, Brother? 460 01:01:29,269 --> 01:01:31,897 -You'd know if you read the letter. -I've read the fucking letter! 461 01:01:31,980 --> 01:01:33,523 I've read the fucking letter... 462 01:01:33,607 --> 01:01:34,900 What the fuck? 463 01:01:34,983 --> 01:01:36,818 What do you want? 464 01:01:49,122 --> 01:01:50,916 I'm beyond your reach, Jem. 465 01:01:52,626 --> 01:01:53,960 I'm well beyond her reach. 466 01:01:54,044 --> 01:01:55,378 There'll be no epiphany. 467 01:01:55,462 --> 01:01:58,965 So fuck off back to your little family and sort it out. 468 01:02:01,384 --> 01:02:02,719 You don't want me to leave, Ray. 469 01:02:02,802 --> 01:02:06,223 Why in God's name did you let that boy join army in the first fucking place? 470 01:02:06,306 --> 01:02:08,558 This is nowt to do with me. This is on you, mate. 471 01:02:08,642 --> 01:02:11,311 Look, though I've raised the boy, 472 01:02:11,394 --> 01:02:14,773 do you think he's not a pig-headed little bastard like you are? 473 01:02:15,607 --> 01:02:17,442 It were nowt to do with me. 474 01:02:17,525 --> 01:02:18,985 I said my piece. 475 01:02:19,527 --> 01:02:22,614 I didn't think he should do it, follow in our footsteps. 476 01:02:22,697 --> 01:02:24,950 I thought he were just chasing after... 477 01:02:27,452 --> 01:02:30,830 Anyway, regardless of what I think or don't think, 478 01:02:30,914 --> 01:02:33,833 do you honestly believe that your son wouldn't do a thing 479 01:02:33,917 --> 01:02:35,502 just 'cause somebody told him not to? 480 01:02:57,983 --> 01:03:01,236 Look, he's currently absent without leave, 481 01:03:02,362 --> 01:03:04,823 and as much as they like him, you know as well as I do, 482 01:03:04,906 --> 01:03:08,285 there's no warm fuzzy feeling in the MOD. 483 01:03:10,704 --> 01:03:13,248 There's only so long they'll turn a blind eye. 484 01:03:14,666 --> 01:03:17,294 Maybe a week, if we're lucky. 485 01:03:18,878 --> 01:03:22,424 And then the MPs will come knocking, and take him away. 486 01:03:24,384 --> 01:03:25,927 But that's the least of it. 487 01:03:28,054 --> 01:03:30,640 I've seen my share of lost souls, Ray, 488 01:03:31,766 --> 01:03:35,270 and at this moment, your son is in the dark. 489 01:03:35,353 --> 01:03:39,357 Believer or nonbeliever, there are forces at work. Fact. 490 01:03:45,280 --> 01:03:48,491 I don't want anything from you, Ray. I don't want anything. 491 01:03:51,328 --> 01:03:52,329 Nessa... 492 01:03:53,038 --> 01:03:55,165 Nessa believes that if you met him, 493 01:03:55,248 --> 01:03:56,958 and talked to him, 494 01:03:57,042 --> 01:03:58,543 gave him some answers, 495 01:03:58,626 --> 01:03:59,878 it just might make a difference. 496 01:03:59,961 --> 01:04:01,046 It might. 497 01:04:07,677 --> 01:04:09,012 Before it's too late. 498 01:04:45,757 --> 01:04:48,885 Brian savaged this lad. He fucking savaged him. 499 01:04:50,887 --> 01:04:52,389 He's convinced himself if... 500 01:04:52,472 --> 01:04:54,724 if they hadn't pulled him off, he'd have killed him. 501 01:04:56,643 --> 01:04:59,020 And this has been following Brian since primary school. 502 01:04:59,104 --> 01:05:01,272 "Your father's this, your father's that. 503 01:05:01,981 --> 01:05:05,235 Is he in the nut house? Is he banged up? 504 01:05:07,237 --> 01:05:09,948 The invisible man, Ray Stoker." 505 01:05:16,621 --> 01:05:17,705 Please. 506 01:05:18,623 --> 01:05:19,707 Just tell me. 507 01:05:21,042 --> 01:05:22,419 If you're not gonna help out, 508 01:05:22,502 --> 01:05:24,587 then I'm gonna get out of here double time. 509 01:05:51,364 --> 01:05:52,490 I fancy a bevvy. 510 01:06:00,999 --> 01:06:03,168 He's still conscious? That's good. 511 01:06:05,837 --> 01:06:07,964 Could you just ask the children to move out of the way? 512 01:06:08,047 --> 01:06:09,674 We don't want them seeing this, do we? 513 01:06:09,757 --> 01:06:11,759 Deep breaths. Take a couple of deep breaths for me. 514 01:06:11,843 --> 01:06:13,887 Yeah, a blanket on him is fine. 515 01:06:16,473 --> 01:06:18,808 - No, do not move him. - But he's in the way. 516 01:06:18,892 --> 01:06:20,852 I repeat that. Do not move him, madam. 517 01:06:20,935 --> 01:06:23,313 And do not remove his helmet. 518 01:06:23,396 --> 01:06:24,898 You're doing so well. 519 01:06:25,732 --> 01:06:27,525 I know there's a lot of blood. 520 01:07:17,116 --> 01:07:20,411 Well, he were all over me at that stage, like a bloody octopus. 521 01:07:20,495 --> 01:07:22,247 And I were, like, whipping my head back and forth 522 01:07:22,330 --> 01:07:24,040 just trying to catch a clean breath. 523 01:07:24,123 --> 01:07:26,209 But he must've thought I was in ecstasy, 524 01:07:26,292 --> 01:07:29,587 'cause that minging wet gob of his just kept reaching for me. 525 01:07:29,671 --> 01:07:30,672 Oh, my... 526 01:07:30,755 --> 01:07:32,423 He wasn't gonna back down, but... 527 01:07:33,258 --> 01:07:34,801 I'm not lying, 528 01:07:34,884 --> 01:07:37,136 his breath smelt like shit, Nessa. 529 01:07:38,179 --> 01:07:39,514 Have you ever had that? 530 01:07:57,574 --> 01:07:58,575 Thank you. 531 01:08:04,831 --> 01:08:06,583 -Here you are. -Cheers, mate. 532 01:08:09,294 --> 01:08:11,546 And here's some crisps and all. You'll like them. 533 01:08:12,171 --> 01:08:13,673 Cheese and onion. 534 01:08:14,382 --> 01:08:16,843 This thing's out of juice, mate. I won't be long. 535 01:08:18,011 --> 01:08:19,220 I won't be long. 536 01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:52,438 He's beautiful, kind, funny, loyal. 537 01:09:52,939 --> 01:09:56,317 He's so like you in so many ways. Funny that, eh? 538 01:09:57,819 --> 01:10:02,240 Anyway, I implore you, for the sake of Brian... 539 01:10:04,242 --> 01:10:07,078 to please, please come home and talk to him. 540 01:10:25,888 --> 01:10:27,974 Let him meet you at least. 541 01:10:28,057 --> 01:10:31,102 And maybe, just maybe he can move forward 542 01:10:31,185 --> 01:10:35,022 and let go of whatever demon anger is holding him so tight. 543 01:10:36,065 --> 01:10:39,110 I pray you are well and see fit to answer. 544 01:10:40,278 --> 01:10:41,529 God bless. 545 01:10:42,196 --> 01:10:44,073 Love always, Nessa. 546 01:11:39,629 --> 01:11:40,630 What? 547 01:11:45,092 --> 01:11:46,093 What? 548 01:11:49,096 --> 01:11:50,515 What? What the fuck? 549 01:11:52,809 --> 01:11:54,060 Spitting image. 550 01:11:54,977 --> 01:11:55,978 What? 551 01:11:56,604 --> 01:11:57,980 Spitting image. 552 01:11:58,064 --> 01:11:59,482 Spitting image? Who? 553 01:12:03,653 --> 01:12:05,071 Fuck off. 554 01:12:05,571 --> 01:12:07,240 Fuck right off. 555 01:12:08,032 --> 01:12:11,077 Our father who art in heaven? Fuck off. 556 01:12:17,333 --> 01:12:19,210 Suppose I am a bit. 557 01:12:21,295 --> 01:12:24,173 Suppose I am a bit of a sad old bugger. 558 01:12:31,138 --> 01:12:32,890 He were doing all right, were he? 559 01:12:34,517 --> 01:12:35,518 Who? 560 01:12:35,601 --> 01:12:37,353 -The boy. -The boy? 561 01:12:37,854 --> 01:12:39,522 Brian... 562 01:12:39,605 --> 01:12:41,190 was doing well. Very well. 563 01:12:42,817 --> 01:12:44,652 They think he's a real prospect. 564 01:12:45,319 --> 01:12:48,114 Can't help himself, the other lads just fall in behind him. 565 01:12:49,407 --> 01:12:50,783 -That right? -Yeah. 566 01:12:51,909 --> 01:12:54,996 You remember what it's like when you're cold and hungry, 567 01:12:55,079 --> 01:12:56,539 you haven't slept in three nights. 568 01:12:56,622 --> 01:12:57,999 It's every man for himself. 569 01:12:59,083 --> 01:13:00,918 With Brian... 570 01:13:01,002 --> 01:13:02,962 ...he's got strength to spare. 571 01:13:03,045 --> 01:13:06,340 He may be at the end of his rope, but he's still looking out for the others. 572 01:13:07,508 --> 01:13:09,302 And they pay attention to that. 573 01:13:16,684 --> 01:13:17,685 Hmm. 574 01:13:28,404 --> 01:13:32,158 When you did selection and, uh, were badged into the regiment, 575 01:13:33,993 --> 01:13:35,244 I was so proud. 576 01:13:38,164 --> 01:13:40,041 And I was so fucking envious. 577 01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:42,793 I thought, "I want that. 578 01:13:44,253 --> 01:13:45,922 I want some of that." 579 01:13:47,340 --> 01:13:50,509 Suppose volunteering for 14 Int 580 01:13:50,593 --> 01:13:53,512 were a way of getting closer, you know. 581 01:13:57,850 --> 01:14:00,186 Training at Bradbury Lines with your lads and all, 582 01:14:00,269 --> 01:14:02,480 I thought it were... 583 01:14:03,397 --> 01:14:05,274 within reach. But... 584 01:14:23,334 --> 01:14:25,252 Weren't 'cause of me that he signed up. 585 01:14:30,883 --> 01:14:31,926 'Cause of you. 586 01:14:37,431 --> 01:14:39,266 Even with all the shit... 587 01:14:40,351 --> 01:14:43,938 that he put up with over the years, it was some idea he had, it were... 588 01:14:45,773 --> 01:14:48,401 It were the space where you should've been that he were chasing after. 589 01:14:48,484 --> 01:14:50,403 That he was fascinated by. 590 01:14:52,989 --> 01:14:55,282 Now he's frightened of his own shadow. 591 01:14:59,662 --> 01:15:00,955 He doesn't know who you are. 592 01:15:02,748 --> 01:15:04,250 Knows nothing about you. 593 01:15:05,876 --> 01:15:08,963 Except for the old stories when we were youngsters. 594 01:15:09,046 --> 01:15:13,759 You know, the short fuse, street fights, vandalism. 595 01:15:13,843 --> 01:15:16,679 You and me both, we were both liabilities then. 596 01:15:17,805 --> 01:15:18,889 But now he... 597 01:15:20,349 --> 01:15:23,269 I don't know. He looks at his hands as though... 598 01:15:23,978 --> 01:15:26,272 they belong to somebody else. 599 01:15:26,355 --> 01:15:27,356 What? 600 01:15:34,155 --> 01:15:35,865 Rumors, mate. Rumors. 601 01:15:39,326 --> 01:15:41,662 Until you tell me what happened, that's all we've got. 602 01:18:04,180 --> 01:18:07,725 I realize I've never properly spoken to you about your father, 603 01:18:09,226 --> 01:18:11,770 and that was a fault in me, Brian. 604 01:18:14,899 --> 01:18:17,902 Me and Jem thought we could make a nice life for you, 605 01:18:17,985 --> 01:18:20,070 and I think in some ways we have. 606 01:18:21,030 --> 01:18:22,656 But it... 607 01:18:22,740 --> 01:18:24,533 can't have been easy for you, 608 01:18:25,117 --> 01:18:26,368 all these years. 609 01:18:26,952 --> 01:18:28,996 You know, it looming over everything. 610 01:18:29,747 --> 01:18:31,207 Every family dinner. 611 01:18:32,041 --> 01:18:35,753 Every birthday. Every Christmas. Every special occasion. 612 01:18:39,006 --> 01:18:40,716 And I suppose by not... 613 01:18:41,759 --> 01:18:43,552 talking to you about it... 614 01:18:47,139 --> 01:18:48,641 it were my way of... 615 01:18:49,558 --> 01:18:51,143 protecting you from it. 616 01:19:08,244 --> 01:19:11,497 How much do you know about the early Troubles in Northern Ireland? 617 01:20:53,932 --> 01:20:55,517 We'll sleep outside tonight. 618 01:21:07,279 --> 01:21:09,073 I lost him in stages. 619 01:21:11,700 --> 01:21:13,369 I lost him in stages. 620 01:21:15,996 --> 01:21:17,790 After the first few tours in Northern Ireland, 621 01:21:17,873 --> 01:21:20,167 he were already quite hard to reach. 622 01:21:21,126 --> 01:21:23,545 And then when he volunteered for some special assignment, 623 01:21:23,629 --> 01:21:25,130 the minute he raised his hand, he... 624 01:21:25,214 --> 01:21:27,800 he seemed to disappear into another world. 625 01:21:29,051 --> 01:21:31,220 But it wasn't just that. He wanted it. 626 01:21:31,303 --> 01:21:33,055 He were alive, eager. 627 01:21:37,351 --> 01:21:39,603 He said goodbye well before he left. 628 01:21:40,187 --> 01:21:41,897 And when he came back, you couldn't reach him. 629 01:21:41,980 --> 01:21:43,732 You'd be sat at kitchen table with him, 630 01:21:43,816 --> 01:21:47,277 and he'd be looking at you like you were at the other side of a football pitch 631 01:21:47,361 --> 01:21:49,655 and you're an acquaintance, you know, 632 01:21:49,738 --> 01:21:52,324 maybe, and he were trying to figure out who you were. 633 01:21:55,536 --> 01:21:57,162 I were pregnant with you. 634 01:21:58,539 --> 01:22:01,166 And I were getting bigger by the day, and... 635 01:22:01,250 --> 01:22:03,252 he seemed to be shrinking. 636 01:22:03,335 --> 01:22:06,213 I felt like a big lumbering giant living with a miniature person, 637 01:22:06,296 --> 01:22:08,924 afraid I were gonna crush him underfoot. But... 638 01:22:13,053 --> 01:22:15,013 And then one day he were gone and I... 639 01:22:16,140 --> 01:22:18,225 realized I'd been waiting for it. 640 01:22:27,234 --> 01:22:29,695 Ray never spoke to me about what happened over there. 641 01:22:30,988 --> 01:22:32,573 I tried to get in touch with a... 642 01:22:32,656 --> 01:22:34,199 a few of the lads that he served with, 643 01:22:34,283 --> 01:22:36,577 you know, that were with him, but they said nothing. 644 01:22:37,411 --> 01:22:40,247 They were on a warning from the MOD. They must have been on a warning. 645 01:22:40,330 --> 01:22:43,333 So all I have is what I'm telling you now. 646 01:22:44,793 --> 01:22:46,295 But I knew Ray. 647 01:22:46,378 --> 01:22:49,256 I knew Ray better than I knew myself. 648 01:22:49,339 --> 01:22:53,010 And as I said, those lads, they couldn't say owt. 649 01:22:53,093 --> 01:22:56,972 But I tell you this much, they loved him, and they respected him. 650 01:22:57,055 --> 01:23:00,476 And they never gave me... never gave me one hint of a reason 651 01:23:00,559 --> 01:23:03,145 that he'd done something he should be ashamed of. 652 01:23:11,236 --> 01:23:12,988 But he left us, didn't he? 653 01:23:15,199 --> 01:23:16,450 He left us. 654 01:23:18,368 --> 01:23:20,537 What's that, Mum? Something to be proud of? 655 01:23:24,541 --> 01:23:25,709 Why'd he leave? 656 01:23:27,252 --> 01:23:29,379 Huh? Why did he leave us? 657 01:25:27,247 --> 01:25:28,290 War crime. 658 01:25:34,796 --> 01:25:37,049 That's what he called it, a war crime. 659 01:25:41,637 --> 01:25:43,430 Fucking war crime me? 660 01:25:44,848 --> 01:25:46,933 The war were the fucking crime... 661 01:25:49,478 --> 01:25:51,563 and we were the phantom soldiers. 662 01:25:59,112 --> 01:26:02,491 Our mission on this one were surveillance, pure and simple. 663 01:26:03,617 --> 01:26:05,160 We dug in at nighttime. 664 01:26:05,243 --> 01:26:06,995 Two OPs. 665 01:26:07,079 --> 01:26:10,040 Ours were in a hedgerow at the end of an unpaved lane way 666 01:26:10,123 --> 01:26:11,958 bordering the farm buildings. 667 01:26:12,584 --> 01:26:14,419 The structure of interest were the milking shed. 668 01:26:14,503 --> 01:26:18,507 No more than 30, 40 feet from us across the yard. 669 01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:21,468 On a tip-off, we'd scouted it a few nights before. 670 01:26:23,553 --> 01:26:25,639 They arrived shortly after sunup. 671 01:26:27,057 --> 01:26:29,768 The bomb-maker were a player, well-known to us. 672 01:26:29,851 --> 01:26:32,396 The young lad with him, we'd never seen him before. 673 01:26:35,190 --> 01:26:39,403 Our intel was solid, but for two days there were no movement. 674 01:26:39,486 --> 01:26:41,655 We started to wonder if they'd somehow slipped away. 675 01:26:41,738 --> 01:26:44,116 If there were a... a tunnel or concealed entrance 676 01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:46,201 we'd missed when we recced the building. 677 01:26:48,370 --> 01:26:51,248 I was just writing up me report when the bomb went off. 678 01:26:58,755 --> 01:27:02,175 The explosion was so loud, you couldn't hear it. 679 01:27:04,594 --> 01:27:08,432 The concussive force ran through every cell of your body. 680 01:27:08,515 --> 01:27:09,850 Filled you up, 681 01:27:09,933 --> 01:27:12,102 like there were nothing left of you. 682 01:27:12,728 --> 01:27:13,937 Just chaos. 683 01:27:16,064 --> 01:27:19,401 The entire roof lifted off the shed on a cloud of black smoke, 684 01:27:19,484 --> 01:27:21,111 like a cartoon. 685 01:27:21,194 --> 01:27:23,947 The walls swelled outwards, opened up. 686 01:27:24,030 --> 01:27:26,032 Debris started to rain down on us. 687 01:27:26,116 --> 01:27:28,827 "Are we being attacked? Do they know we're here? 688 01:27:28,910 --> 01:27:31,413 Are they getting rid of it?" They'd do that sometimes. 689 01:27:31,496 --> 01:27:32,706 You know how it were. If they... 690 01:27:32,789 --> 01:27:37,127 If they thought you were onto them, they'd detonate the ordnance and scarper. 691 01:27:37,210 --> 01:27:39,880 And we were waiting for the incoming. 692 01:27:39,963 --> 01:27:42,966 But, so far, there were nothing. 693 01:27:47,387 --> 01:27:49,973 Then there were just the sound of this fella screaming. 694 01:27:54,895 --> 01:27:56,980 Like I said, we were on surveillance, nothing more. 695 01:27:57,063 --> 01:27:59,274 We weren't equipped for anything serious. 696 01:27:59,357 --> 01:28:02,360 Sidearms only, a couple of longs between us. 697 01:28:03,278 --> 01:28:05,447 When that Semtex went off, we should've called it in, 698 01:28:05,530 --> 01:28:07,824 handed it over to your lads. But... 699 01:28:07,908 --> 01:28:09,826 I don't know why, but... 700 01:28:10,535 --> 01:28:12,829 for some reason, we moved in. 701 01:28:12,913 --> 01:28:14,539 Advance to contact. 702 01:28:16,333 --> 01:28:20,837 I suppose it were a "ride to the sound of the guns" type of madness. 703 01:28:20,921 --> 01:28:22,964 We started to crawl toward the milking shed. 704 01:28:23,048 --> 01:28:25,926 Could've been weapons trained on us, snipers. 705 01:28:26,009 --> 01:28:28,845 Could have been another bomb waiting in the building. We didn't know. 706 01:28:33,225 --> 01:28:35,352 So, we're crawling, heads down, 707 01:28:35,435 --> 01:28:38,021 getting closer, getting closer. All we could... 708 01:28:41,483 --> 01:28:43,360 The only sound were the screaming. 709 01:28:45,695 --> 01:28:48,114 Obviously we wanted to get one of them alive, if we could. 710 01:28:48,198 --> 01:28:49,324 Get them to talk. 711 01:28:52,869 --> 01:28:56,081 It were that smoky in the building, you could barely see in front of you. 712 01:28:57,040 --> 01:28:58,917 Well, it turned out it were just the two of them. 713 01:28:59,000 --> 01:29:00,460 Master and apprentice. 714 01:29:01,795 --> 01:29:04,923 And the player must have been stood between the bomb and the kid. 715 01:29:05,006 --> 01:29:06,550 There were nowt left of him... 716 01:29:08,009 --> 01:29:09,261 except his fucking teeth, 717 01:29:09,344 --> 01:29:11,471 buried in the side of the young fella's head. 718 01:29:13,932 --> 01:29:16,142 I heard it were his nephew a few days later. 719 01:29:18,520 --> 01:29:21,064 And I must have slipped when we went in on some... 720 01:29:21,940 --> 01:29:24,734 piece of him, because I were covered in, you know... 721 01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:29,531 When I picked meself up, I were covered in his slime. 722 01:29:34,286 --> 01:29:35,871 The kid were on the ground. 723 01:29:36,705 --> 01:29:38,164 Bits of him were... 724 01:29:39,457 --> 01:29:41,126 He were alive, just about, 725 01:29:41,209 --> 01:29:43,378 but bits of him were missing. 726 01:29:44,462 --> 01:29:47,716 His innards were spilled out and he were crying out for his mother. 727 01:29:50,135 --> 01:29:52,929 Bomb-maker's teeth buried in the side of his head. 728 01:29:55,557 --> 01:29:56,850 I was stood right over him. 729 01:29:56,933 --> 01:29:59,436 Our three lads clearing the room, left and right. 730 01:30:00,353 --> 01:30:01,897 I'm stood over him. 731 01:30:02,522 --> 01:30:04,733 He were dying, this kid, Jem. He were dying. 732 01:30:05,817 --> 01:30:07,527 I could see the fear in his eyes. 733 01:30:08,945 --> 01:30:10,322 The fucking hatred. 734 01:30:11,531 --> 01:30:13,116 He looked at me with hatred. 735 01:30:14,367 --> 01:30:16,912 Couldn't have been more than 16, 17 years old. 736 01:30:16,995 --> 01:30:18,872 Younger than Brian is now. 737 01:30:19,748 --> 01:30:21,124 He's screaming at me. 738 01:30:24,127 --> 01:30:25,795 Begging me to shoot him. 739 01:30:27,130 --> 01:30:28,381 So I shot him. 740 01:30:41,811 --> 01:30:43,313 He were dying? 741 01:30:43,396 --> 01:30:45,482 Yes, Jem. He were fucking dying. He fucking... 742 01:30:45,565 --> 01:30:47,651 I didn't fucking kill him. He killed himself. 743 01:30:47,734 --> 01:30:49,527 He fucking killed himself. 744 01:30:49,611 --> 01:30:53,031 I just nudged him across the line. Fucking little bastard. 745 01:30:53,114 --> 01:30:55,158 Where were they gonna put that bomb? In a pub? 746 01:30:55,241 --> 01:30:57,035 In a shopping center? In a nightclub? 747 01:30:57,118 --> 01:30:59,996 Guaranteed, there'd be innocent people blown to bits. How fucking merciful. 748 01:31:00,080 --> 01:31:01,748 Turns out they just killed themselves. 749 01:31:01,831 --> 01:31:04,501 And I'm the fucking murderer? I wish... 750 01:31:04,584 --> 01:31:06,336 I wish I had left him to die. 751 01:31:09,422 --> 01:31:12,258 I wish I'd left him to his full measure of suffering. 752 01:31:12,342 --> 01:31:15,011 Lying there with his guts spilled out, crying for his mother. 753 01:31:15,095 --> 01:31:16,805 I should've left him there. 754 01:31:17,347 --> 01:31:19,140 Should've called an ambulance. 755 01:31:19,224 --> 01:31:21,226 Told 'em to take the scenic route. 756 01:31:24,312 --> 01:31:26,898 I'm not fucking... making out I did him a favor, 757 01:31:26,982 --> 01:31:28,149 but I fucking did. 758 01:31:28,233 --> 01:31:30,402 He were begging me to do it. 759 01:31:30,485 --> 01:31:32,737 Seventeen years old, shivering on the ground. 760 01:31:32,821 --> 01:31:34,280 And I finished him off... 761 01:31:36,574 --> 01:31:38,201 just to stop the screaming. 762 01:31:49,963 --> 01:31:51,798 And that's it. That's all there were. 763 01:31:52,507 --> 01:31:56,094 Yeah. Listen, of course, they... Lads knew. The lads... 764 01:31:56,177 --> 01:31:58,930 The lads knew what I'd done. They didn't question it. 765 01:31:59,014 --> 01:32:00,348 They knew this fella were gone, 766 01:32:00,432 --> 01:32:03,810 and no one would get anything out of him by the time we got him anywhere. 767 01:32:03,893 --> 01:32:05,020 He wouldn't have survived. 768 01:32:05,103 --> 01:32:07,313 No one said a word. No one questioned it. 769 01:32:14,654 --> 01:32:15,864 No one said a word. 770 01:32:18,366 --> 01:32:21,202 But I called it into South Det operations room. 771 01:32:21,286 --> 01:32:22,829 That stage, our job were done. 772 01:32:22,912 --> 01:32:25,915 Handed over, went back to barracks, had the debrief. 773 01:32:25,999 --> 01:32:29,627 That boy's injuries, didn't occur to me any questions would be asked. But... 774 01:32:32,255 --> 01:32:34,466 They were all in a twist, 775 01:32:34,549 --> 01:32:36,551 the Ruperts, the higher-ups. 776 01:32:38,803 --> 01:32:40,055 So after... 777 01:32:42,057 --> 01:32:44,476 the CO had me in his office, uh... 778 01:32:47,520 --> 01:32:49,856 I could tell he were under stress. 779 01:32:49,939 --> 01:32:53,485 His whole fat head looked like a boil that needed lancing. 780 01:32:54,944 --> 01:32:59,449 "By all the rules of lawful engagement, that's a war crime, Sergeant Stoker." 781 01:32:59,532 --> 01:33:01,034 Oh, hello, here we go. 782 01:33:01,117 --> 01:33:02,535 He's looking hard at me. 783 01:33:02,619 --> 01:33:04,704 "We need to make this go away. 784 01:33:05,747 --> 01:33:07,832 He presented a threat. 785 01:33:07,916 --> 01:33:09,709 He raised his weapon." 786 01:33:14,172 --> 01:33:16,841 "No, he fucking didn't, sir." 787 01:33:21,221 --> 01:33:22,639 I shouted in his face, 788 01:33:22,722 --> 01:33:24,849 "No, he fucking didn't." 789 01:33:31,898 --> 01:33:33,817 "His arms were shredded." 790 01:33:39,948 --> 01:33:43,243 I said, "I want to get out." He said, "You can't." 791 01:33:43,326 --> 01:33:46,454 He said, "Pull yourself together, and don't be thick. 792 01:33:46,538 --> 01:33:47,539 Take a couple of days, 793 01:33:47,622 --> 01:33:50,166 see the head doctor, you'll be right as rain. 794 01:33:51,209 --> 01:33:53,294 We'll make this go away." So... 795 01:33:53,378 --> 01:33:55,713 I'm stood in front... front of him, 796 01:33:55,797 --> 01:33:57,715 hot tears squirting out of me. 797 01:33:57,799 --> 01:34:01,052 If you'd asked me what my name were, I wouldn't have known. 798 01:34:04,055 --> 01:34:05,056 And... 799 01:34:06,766 --> 01:34:10,979 So, I took a couple of days, but it... 800 01:34:11,980 --> 01:34:14,899 it weren't that long for the shrink to see there were... 801 01:34:15,733 --> 01:34:18,820 a crack in the ice that wouldn't heal over. 802 01:34:18,903 --> 01:34:21,823 -I were... I were, as he put it... -Hey. 803 01:34:21,906 --> 01:34:23,908 ..."an unstable element." 804 01:34:24,909 --> 01:34:26,452 Danger to meself and others, 805 01:34:26,536 --> 01:34:30,039 which in our line of work, meant generally bad for business. 806 01:34:30,123 --> 01:34:32,917 Time to go home. So, he declared me unfit, 807 01:34:33,001 --> 01:34:35,044 "return to unit." 808 01:34:35,128 --> 01:34:37,881 Signed me out, put me on a plane back to me regiment. 809 01:34:39,841 --> 01:34:42,802 Short while later, I find myself on the streets of Sheffield, 810 01:34:42,886 --> 01:34:44,804 staring at me old front door. 811 01:34:44,888 --> 01:34:48,099 A civilian and a... 812 01:34:51,686 --> 01:34:56,107 a dirty little secret war criminal. 813 01:34:57,901 --> 01:35:03,031 Yeah, well, I were coming up 15-year service, due out anyway. 814 01:35:12,790 --> 01:35:14,167 Could you have saved him? 815 01:35:15,293 --> 01:35:18,129 I did save him, Jem. I did save him. 816 01:35:18,838 --> 01:35:21,049 Saved him from more fucking pain. 817 01:35:21,549 --> 01:35:24,135 I'd have enjoyed watching him suffer a little bit longer. 818 01:35:24,219 --> 01:35:26,679 So I did save him. I saved him from that. 819 01:35:32,101 --> 01:35:33,519 Why did you shoot him? 820 01:35:35,146 --> 01:35:37,106 Could we have kept him alive? 821 01:35:41,861 --> 01:35:44,155 At the time, I knew we couldn't. 822 01:35:44,239 --> 01:35:45,448 At the time... 823 01:35:48,326 --> 01:35:49,786 At the time... 824 01:36:05,885 --> 01:36:06,886 Hey. 825 01:36:11,140 --> 01:36:12,725 We've all done things. 826 01:36:15,019 --> 01:36:16,020 We've all done things, Ray. 827 01:36:16,104 --> 01:36:19,315 I don't need your fucking absolution, Jem. 828 01:36:20,775 --> 01:36:24,654 Maybe I could've saved him. Maybe I couldn't have saved him. 829 01:36:24,737 --> 01:36:27,073 Maybe I enjoyed killing him. Maybe I didn't. 830 01:36:27,156 --> 01:36:29,867 Maybe I pitied him. Maybe I fucking hated him. 831 01:36:29,951 --> 01:36:32,453 I don't know, Jem. I don't know. 832 01:36:34,289 --> 01:36:36,791 But I don't need your fucking absolution. 833 01:36:38,334 --> 01:36:41,796 I did the crime. I'm still serving the time. 834 01:36:41,879 --> 01:36:43,923 I don't owe nowt to nobody. 835 01:36:45,675 --> 01:36:47,302 I don't owe nowt to nobody. 836 01:36:48,803 --> 01:36:50,263 Least of all to you. 837 01:36:55,184 --> 01:36:57,979 How many fucking Hail Marys do I get for that? 838 01:38:22,688 --> 01:38:24,774 And he goes silent, morose. 839 01:38:25,691 --> 01:38:27,610 His eyes searching for the exit. 840 01:38:29,946 --> 01:38:32,115 Well, there were rumors, as you only know too well. 841 01:38:32,198 --> 01:38:34,700 That he'd lost his mind over there. 842 01:38:34,784 --> 01:38:36,911 That, you know, he'd... He'd gone psycho. 843 01:38:36,994 --> 01:38:39,288 That he'd been involved in some bad things. 844 01:38:39,372 --> 01:38:41,749 Even that he'd murdered an unarmed civilian. 845 01:38:42,708 --> 01:38:44,544 Oh, and the shame. 846 01:38:44,627 --> 01:38:46,879 The shame of it seemed to crush him. 847 01:38:46,963 --> 01:38:49,799 And regardless of what happened, the shame. 848 01:38:52,009 --> 01:38:54,595 It's hard to imagine that, you know, what shame can do to a person. 849 01:38:54,679 --> 01:38:57,765 He was a very proud man, your father, Brian. He was very proud. 850 01:38:58,724 --> 01:38:59,976 Proud? 851 01:39:00,059 --> 01:39:01,686 You don't understand. 852 01:39:02,562 --> 01:39:05,064 He put his heart and soul into soldiering. 853 01:39:05,148 --> 01:39:08,234 -Just like your dad Jem, you know? -Listen to yourself, Mum. 854 01:39:08,317 --> 01:39:10,153 So to take that away from somebody... 855 01:39:10,236 --> 01:39:13,156 To take it away from him, it's like taking his name away. 856 01:39:13,239 --> 01:39:15,074 How can you be so fucking reasonable about it? 857 01:39:15,158 --> 01:39:17,535 I wasn't reasonable about it at the time. 858 01:39:19,620 --> 01:39:21,122 You know, and if it wasn't for knowing 859 01:39:21,205 --> 01:39:24,417 that there was a baby on the way, and if it wasn't for you... 860 01:39:26,169 --> 01:39:27,879 I don't know what I would've done. 861 01:39:36,095 --> 01:39:37,096 So, yeah. 862 01:39:38,431 --> 01:39:39,432 He left us. 863 01:39:40,892 --> 01:39:41,976 I'm sorry. 864 01:39:47,648 --> 01:39:50,234 And is that what you think, or is that what you know? 865 01:39:54,989 --> 01:39:56,616 'Cause this is what I think, Mum. 866 01:39:56,699 --> 01:39:58,242 I think he were a fucking killer 867 01:39:59,410 --> 01:40:00,578 and a coward. 868 01:40:01,704 --> 01:40:05,458 Because only a weak, cowardly person can walk away from their family like that. 869 01:40:09,128 --> 01:40:11,380 Don't talk about him. You don't know him. 870 01:40:11,464 --> 01:40:13,049 No, you're right. I don't know him. 871 01:40:14,258 --> 01:40:17,386 That's the problem, innit? I don't fucking know him. 872 01:40:20,431 --> 01:40:23,059 I know everything I fucking need to know about that... 873 01:40:23,142 --> 01:40:24,143 bastard. 874 01:40:26,979 --> 01:40:28,981 And that he's a big, giant fucking sinkhole 875 01:40:29,065 --> 01:40:30,441 in the middle of our lives. 876 01:40:36,614 --> 01:40:38,574 Don't talk about him like that. 877 01:40:39,325 --> 01:40:42,662 Don't talk about anybody like that in my presence. 878 01:40:42,745 --> 01:40:45,456 Least of all the man who gave you life, which is a blessed thing. 879 01:40:45,540 --> 01:40:47,792 Blessed? Blessed? 880 01:40:47,875 --> 01:40:50,962 Why does everything have to be so fucking blessed in this house, Mum? 881 01:40:52,755 --> 01:40:54,257 You gave me life. 882 01:40:55,633 --> 01:40:57,468 He gave me a fucking... 883 01:41:00,805 --> 01:41:02,515 a fucking curse. 884 01:41:26,163 --> 01:41:27,456 All these years... 885 01:41:31,961 --> 01:41:33,504 All these years... 886 01:42:07,580 --> 01:42:09,498 All these years fucking what? 887 01:42:13,002 --> 01:42:14,086 How did you... 888 01:42:15,921 --> 01:42:18,924 The winters... I mean, the isolation... 889 01:42:21,135 --> 01:42:22,470 How did I what? 890 01:42:29,310 --> 01:42:31,187 How did I manage without you? 891 01:42:42,907 --> 01:42:44,617 It's not over, Jem. 892 01:42:44,700 --> 01:42:47,912 You make it sound as if it... I mean... 893 01:42:50,790 --> 01:42:54,543 I won't pretend I don't think about it from time to time. 894 01:42:54,627 --> 01:42:58,339 But this is it, Jem. This is me life. 895 01:43:06,347 --> 01:43:07,848 Does it have to be? 896 01:43:18,359 --> 01:43:19,777 "As for man, 897 01:43:21,153 --> 01:43:23,239 his days are as grass. 898 01:43:25,449 --> 01:43:28,703 As a flower of the field, so it flourisheth. 899 01:43:30,579 --> 01:43:34,667 For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone. 900 01:43:37,086 --> 01:43:39,922 And the place thereof shall know it no more." 901 01:43:44,885 --> 01:43:46,762 Et cetera, et cetera. 902 01:43:47,471 --> 01:43:48,973 A-fucking-men. 903 01:43:54,270 --> 01:43:55,521 Good night, Ray. 904 01:45:54,640 --> 01:45:55,850 Brian? 905 01:45:59,812 --> 01:46:00,813 Brian? 906 01:48:07,648 --> 01:48:08,649 Fuck. 907 01:54:43,377 --> 01:54:44,378 Hey. 908 01:54:46,213 --> 01:54:47,381 I've got to get going. 909 01:54:51,301 --> 01:54:53,095 What are you doing? Fucking hell.