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Downloaded from
YTS.LT
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[scraping sound]
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.LT
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[person breathing deeply]
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[scraping continues]
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[scraping stops]
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[quiet ambient music playing]
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[music continues, louder]
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[music stops]
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[wind gusting]
11
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[wind whistling]
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[breathing heavily, grunting]
13
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,267
[Jem] Father in Heaven,
14
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:12,359
I kneel before you today
in your omnipotent presence...
15
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,490
to ask that you grant me strength.
16
00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:23,662
The strength to power through
all the tasks today,
17
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,163
whether little or big.
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00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,838
I know it is by your will
that I live, O Lord.
19
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:36,299
And I know it is also by your will...
20
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,844
that I will not go weak today.
21
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,762
I will not go lazy...
22
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:47,811
nor will I fail to do the things
that are set before me.
23
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[shower running]
24
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,567
Thank you for your everlasting
presence, Lord,
25
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,446
and in Jesus' name I pray.
26
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:02,325
In the name of the Father,
the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
27
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:05,620
Amen.
28
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,094
I'm gonna be going away for a few days.
29
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:25,891
I won't be that long,
but your mother's here and she...
30
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:28,393
Um...
31
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,520
You know.
32
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,315
Anyway, I just thought to let you know.
33
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,068
I'm going away, and...
34
00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:57,714
[door closes]
35
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:12,604
[no audible dialogue]
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00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,199
[engine idling]
37
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,460
[engine revving]
38
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:35,270
[engine revving]
39
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:49,492
[engine shuts off]
40
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[water gurgling]
41
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:15,745
[faint buzzing]
42
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,208
[radio presenter]
Viking, North and South Utsire, Forties.
43
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,544
Southwesterly, veering northwesterly,
44
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:26,381
six to gale eight,
perhaps severe gale nine later.
45
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:30,135
Rain, then wintry showers,
moderate or poor, becoming good.
46
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,388
Cromarty, Forth, Tyne, Dogger.
47
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:38,601
Southwesterly, veering westerly,
five to seven, occasionally gale eight.
48
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,646
Rains and showers, moderate or good.
49
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:46,818
Fisher, southwesterly, veering westerly,
six to gale eight,
50
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:49,404
perhaps severe gale nine, later.
51
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:53,783
Rain, then wintry showers,
moderate or poor, becoming good.
52
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,661
German Bight, Humber.
53
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,872
Southwesterly, veering westerly,
54
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:03,293
seven to severe gale nine,
decreasing six in Humber later.
55
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:07,756
Rain then showers,
moderate or poor, becoming good.
56
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,885
Thames, Dover, Wight, Portland, Plymouth.
57
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:17,474
Southwesterly, six to gale eight.
Occasionally severe gale nine, veering...
58
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:26,357
[bird calling]
59
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,938
[wind whistling]
60
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,208
[motor starts]
61
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,372
[low humming]
62
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:33,484
[sighs]
63
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,696
["Solitude" playing on stereo]
64
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:47,999
♪ My future is shrouded
In dark wilderness ♪
65
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,965
♪ Sunshine is far away ♪
66
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,594
♪ Clouds linger on ♪
67
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,307
[clicks]
68
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,185
[volume lowers]
♪ Everything I possessed ♪
69
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:11,105
♪ Now they are gone ♪
70
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:14,484
♪ They are gone ♪
71
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:20,573
♪ They are gone ♪
72
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,259
[metal clangs]
73
00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:43,888
♪ Oh, where can I go to ♪
74
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:48,059
♪ And what can I do?♪
75
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:55,525
♪ Nothing can please me ♪
76
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,151
♪ Only thoughts are of you ♪
77
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,861
[metallic clicking]
78
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:04,742
[metallic clicking continues]
79
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,286
♪ You just laughed ♪
80
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:11,416
♪ When I begged you to stay ♪
81
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:18,131
♪ I've not stopped crying ♪
82
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:21,968
♪ Since you went away ♪
83
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:24,887
♪ You went away ♪
84
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,391
♪ You went away ♪
85
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,569
[liquid pouring]
86
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,165
[mug clatters]
87
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,752
[mug clatters]
88
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:07,388
♪ The world is a lonely place ♪
89
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,516
♪ You're on your own ♪
90
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,187
[door closes]
91
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:19,108
♪ Guess I will go home ♪
92
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,360
♪ Sit down and moan ♪
93
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:21,736
[bag hits floor]
94
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:30,078
♪ Crying and thinking ♪
95
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:33,623
♪ Is all that I do ♪
96
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:43,758
♪ Memories I have remind me of you ♪
97
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:45,968
[spoon stirring]
98
00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:49,514
♪ Of you ♪
99
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,058
♪ Of you ♪
100
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:08,533
[spoon clatters on table]
101
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:21,671
[sighs]
102
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:33,933
♪ The world is a lonely place ♪
103
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:37,770
♪ You're on your own ♪
104
00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:39,772
[Velcro creaks]
105
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,987
♪ Guess I will go home ♪
106
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:49,574
♪ Sit down and moan ♪
107
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,956
♪ Crying and thinking ♪
108
00:15:57,039 --> 00:16:00,334
♪ Is all that I do ♪
109
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:08,468
♪ Memories I have ♪
110
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:12,472
♪ Remind me of you ♪
111
00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:14,432
♪ Of you ♪
112
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:17,185
[clicking]
113
00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:22,356
♪ Of you ♪
114
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,192
Our inheritance.
115
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,533
[rain pattering]
116
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,081
[boiling]
117
00:16:58,226 --> 00:16:59,810
[sighs]
118
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,960
[sighs]
119
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:41,978
Thank you.
120
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:50,570
Bless us, O' Lord,
and these thy gifts...
121
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,365
which we're about to receive.
122
00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,996
Through Christ our Lord,
we pray...
123
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,289
["On the Beach" playing on stereo]
124
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:07,169
♪ All my pictures are falling ♪
125
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:14,510
♪ From the wall
Where I placed them yesterday v
126
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:20,433
♪ The world is turning ♪
127
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,894
[song continues, faint]
128
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:28,357
♪ Get out of town ♪
129
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:34,739
♪ Think I'll get out of town ♪
130
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:45,625
♪ Get out of town ♪
131
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:51,672
♪ Think I'll get out of town ♪
132
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,514
♪ Head for the sticks ♪
133
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:04,018
♪ With my bus and friends ♪
134
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:11,817
♪ Gonna follow the road
Though I don't know where it ends v
135
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,277
♪Get out of town ♪
136
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:15,112
[Jem clears throat]
137
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,366
[grunts]
138
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,827
♪ Get out of town ♪
139
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,872
Twenty years, huh?
140
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,461
Bless you, Brother.
141
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:32,630
Fuck off.
142
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,944
[intense music playing]
143
00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:23,240
[music stops]
144
00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:32,750
[sobbing quietly]
145
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:37,713
[sniffles]
146
00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:40,466
[sniffles]
147
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:44,470
[sighs]
148
00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:47,223
[sobbing]
149
00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:55,981
Brian, love.
150
00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:58,859
[sniffles]
151
00:22:02,071 --> 00:22:04,073
[sighs, sniffs]
152
00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:06,158
Brian.
153
00:22:26,303 --> 00:22:27,304
[kisses]
154
00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:36,981
Oh, sweetie.
155
00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:40,234
[sobbing continues]
156
00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:47,074
Where's he gone?
157
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:48,868
Who?
158
00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,078
Your dad?
159
00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:53,038
Has he gone to see him?
160
00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:59,837
But what the fuck
has he got to do with it, Mum?
161
00:23:01,672 --> 00:23:03,549
-What has he got to do with it?
-Everything.
162
00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:04,633
What?
163
00:23:06,176 --> 00:23:09,138
[breathing heavily]
164
00:23:10,139 --> 00:23:11,390
Why'd you hurt that lad, eh?
165
00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:13,726
-He was fucking asking for it, Mum.
-Brian.
166
00:23:17,479 --> 00:23:19,231
Did he say something
about your dad?
167
00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:20,399
Jem's my dad.
168
00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:24,528
He said something about Ray?
169
00:23:24,612 --> 00:23:26,906
Well, if you know so much,
then why are you asking me?
170
00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:28,282
Don't be so cheeky.
171
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:31,452
I'm just trying to talk to you.
172
00:23:37,458 --> 00:23:39,835
You nearly murdered that lad.
Do you hear me?
173
00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:42,212
One more killer in the family.
Who's counting?
174
00:23:45,007 --> 00:23:46,216
Ray's not a killer.
175
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:49,803
And even if he was one,
176
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:51,847
does it mean you have to be?
177
00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:55,559
Eh?
178
00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:58,270
Come here.
179
00:24:05,235 --> 00:24:06,445
Ray's not a killer.
180
00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:20,376
[quietly] Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
181
00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:24,004
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
182
00:24:24,088 --> 00:24:25,714
Give us this day our daily bread.
183
00:24:25,798 --> 00:24:29,093
And forgive us our trespasses as
we forgive those who trespass against us.
184
00:24:49,905 --> 00:24:50,906
[Nessa] Dear Ray.
185
00:24:51,949 --> 00:24:54,994
I'm not sure you'll even get this letter,
or read it even.
186
00:24:59,248 --> 00:25:01,834
So in the fact of hope
and answered prayers,
187
00:25:01,917 --> 00:25:02,960
you'll be reading this one.
188
00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:05,337
I want to start by asking how you are.
189
00:25:08,424 --> 00:25:11,093
The silence still burns
after all the years.
190
00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:14,513
And I often wonder
if you think about me. Us.
191
00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:32,948
[Jem] Did you read it?
192
00:25:38,037 --> 00:25:39,246
Did you read it?
193
00:25:48,255 --> 00:25:50,966
No, I didn't fucking read it.
194
00:26:27,878 --> 00:26:32,299
[intense music playing]
195
00:27:09,837 --> 00:27:11,171
[shouts]
196
00:27:12,047 --> 00:27:13,465
[fire crackling]
197
00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:49,376
[glass clatters]
198
00:27:49,459 --> 00:27:52,838
"Give strong drink unto him
that is ready to perish,
199
00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:56,216
and wine unto the bitter in soul."
200
00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:58,218
Amen.
201
00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:01,346
[coughs, clears throat]
202
00:28:10,063 --> 00:28:11,815
Her Majesty the Queen.
203
00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:22,326
What happened to,
"For what we are about to receive"?
204
00:28:29,917 --> 00:28:33,003
So it's only before eating
that you say grace?
205
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:39,009
He don't mind if you have
a few fucking bevvies without a word.
206
00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:56,485
You forgot to wipe your arse this morning.
207
00:28:56,568 --> 00:28:58,237
I saw the shit in your pants.
208
00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:01,657
No, that were from yesterday.
209
00:29:03,116 --> 00:29:04,952
You dirty bastard.
210
00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:15,087
Is cleanliness next to godliness,
would you say?
211
00:29:20,801 --> 00:29:22,719
How do you know he's not filthy?
212
00:29:22,803 --> 00:29:24,012
Is there any evidence in the Bible
213
00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:26,431
that says God takes a bath
three times a week?
214
00:29:27,307 --> 00:29:29,017
Changes his undies every day?
215
00:29:29,101 --> 00:29:32,062
God doesn't need undies
'cause he's not full of shit like you are.
216
00:29:32,145 --> 00:29:33,897
Is that so?
217
00:29:33,981 --> 00:29:36,066
Has he got an endless supply
up there?
218
00:29:36,149 --> 00:29:38,777
Bet he never has to wear
the same pair twice.
219
00:29:40,821 --> 00:29:43,615
Does he like a nice snug fit?
220
00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:46,576
Or does he like plenty of room
221
00:29:46,660 --> 00:29:51,790
for his big fucking God balls
to swing around in?
222
00:29:51,873 --> 00:29:54,918
I bet they're like massive
fucking church bells, them.
223
00:29:56,378 --> 00:29:59,798
Bet it's like Canterbury Cathedral
down below decks.
224
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,680
You're going to hell, Brother.
225
00:30:07,931 --> 00:30:09,641
Family reunion?
226
00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:19,693
Father Rippon died last week.
227
00:30:19,776 --> 00:30:21,028
Saw it in the paper.
228
00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:24,197
Don't read papers.
229
00:30:27,909 --> 00:30:29,411
Did you ever see him again?
230
00:30:30,871 --> 00:30:32,122
Is that a question?
231
00:30:37,169 --> 00:30:40,714
Did hear he were carted off
to the nut house a few years ago.
232
00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:48,263
Please read that letter, Ray.
233
00:30:48,347 --> 00:30:51,892
When I were back on leave
after third tour of the province,
234
00:30:52,809 --> 00:30:55,062
lost two of our lads on that one...
235
00:30:58,148 --> 00:31:00,067
I started to think about him, Rippon.
236
00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:04,446
The more I thought about him,
the more I wanted to pay him a visit.
237
00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:06,323
Have a catch-up.
238
00:31:06,406 --> 00:31:09,117
A debrief about the good old days.
239
00:31:10,952 --> 00:31:13,163
Anyway, when I got home, I looked him up.
240
00:31:14,289 --> 00:31:16,124
Weren't easy to find.
241
00:31:17,167 --> 00:31:21,421
Course they'd moved him around a bit.
Business as usual.
242
00:31:21,505 --> 00:31:23,131
Tracked him down in Huddersfield.
243
00:31:24,925 --> 00:31:27,344
You should've seen me all togged out
in me number twos.
244
00:31:27,427 --> 00:31:30,931
I mean, for someone that were
in shit order most days of the week,
245
00:31:31,014 --> 00:31:32,391
I smartened up well.
246
00:31:33,058 --> 00:31:35,477
Cacks under the mattress the night before.
247
00:31:36,144 --> 00:31:39,773
Razor-sharp creases front and back.
248
00:31:39,856 --> 00:31:42,984
I were bulling me boots all morning.
Like mirrors they were.
249
00:31:43,068 --> 00:31:45,320
This were parade ground standard, Jem.
250
00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:49,199
Could've done ceremonial duty at Buck Pal,
I looked that good.
251
00:31:50,033 --> 00:31:51,993
Number two dress and medals.
252
00:31:52,077 --> 00:31:53,620
I were that well turned out,
253
00:31:54,246 --> 00:31:57,999
I could hear our dear mother's voice
saying, "Come home, Son,
254
00:31:58,083 --> 00:31:59,418
all is forgiven."
255
00:32:00,043 --> 00:32:01,086
Number ones.
256
00:32:01,628 --> 00:32:03,422
-The what?
-Number one dress at the Palace.
257
00:32:03,505 --> 00:32:05,340
Yeah, right, right.
That's what I'm saying.
258
00:32:05,424 --> 00:32:07,426
I were that smart
you wouldn't have known the difference.
259
00:32:07,509 --> 00:32:10,011
Yeah, I suppose not
if you were pig-ignorant.
260
00:32:12,514 --> 00:32:13,515
Hmm.
261
00:32:14,349 --> 00:32:17,227
So, I go round his house.
262
00:32:17,310 --> 00:32:20,188
Lovely little grace-and-favor cottage
263
00:32:20,272 --> 00:32:23,108
paid for by his holiness, no doubt.
264
00:32:23,191 --> 00:32:26,361
Window boxes. Perfect little lawn.
265
00:32:26,445 --> 00:32:27,863
Hedges trimmed.
266
00:32:27,946 --> 00:32:30,157
Knock on the door and there he is.
267
00:32:30,949 --> 00:32:33,743
All scrubbed up, pink and shiny.
268
00:32:36,204 --> 00:32:37,497
He seemed so old.
269
00:32:39,166 --> 00:32:41,626
I remember him as a big strong bugger.
270
00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:46,131
And there he were,
scrawny, little old man with a potbelly.
271
00:32:46,214 --> 00:32:48,383
I was surprised at how small he looked.
272
00:32:48,467 --> 00:32:50,343
I said, "Father Rippon, isn't it?
273
00:32:50,427 --> 00:32:52,637
I'm collecting for the
Veterans Association,
274
00:32:52,721 --> 00:32:55,140
would you mind if I stepped inside
for a moment?"
275
00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:58,143
I could tell he were impressed.
"Oh, do come in. Do come in, young man.
276
00:32:58,226 --> 00:33:00,395
You're very welcome, son. Do come in."
277
00:33:01,313 --> 00:33:03,565
He's all fluffed up, bustling about.
278
00:33:03,648 --> 00:33:06,610
The kettle's on. Fine china. Biscuits.
279
00:33:06,693 --> 00:33:07,819
The whole works.
280
00:33:07,903 --> 00:33:10,363
"You'll take a cuppa, won't you, son?"
281
00:33:10,447 --> 00:33:12,115
We sit down.
282
00:33:12,199 --> 00:33:14,534
Sit down in his tidy little parlor.
283
00:33:14,618 --> 00:33:16,036
Chatting about this and that.
284
00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:18,914
I say, "This is your parish, is it,
Father?"
285
00:33:18,997 --> 00:33:22,375
He says,
"Oh, I'm currently between parishes.
286
00:33:22,459 --> 00:33:24,503
Semi-retired.
You know?"
287
00:33:24,586 --> 00:33:26,755
I said, "That must be difficult
288
00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:29,090
after all the years of service."
289
00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:40,185
We talk about...
290
00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:42,729
talking about the state of things,
291
00:33:42,812 --> 00:33:45,357
the ungovernable, godless youth.
292
00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:47,108
He asks me...
293
00:33:47,734 --> 00:33:49,611
"Are you of the faith, son?"
294
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,697
And I say,
295
00:33:52,781 --> 00:33:55,867
"Faith runs very deep
in our family, Father."
296
00:33:58,453 --> 00:34:02,165
He says, "Of course, what I miss
most of all is working with young people."
297
00:34:02,249 --> 00:34:04,376
I nearly choked on me custard cream.
298
00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:09,005
Anyway, so, there's a lull
in the conversation.
299
00:34:09,089 --> 00:34:10,966
And he says,
"I do beg your pardon, corporal,
300
00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:13,301
perhaps you'd like something stronger."
301
00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:20,100
I just look at him for a long time.
302
00:34:23,687 --> 00:34:26,189
"Would you like something stronger,
Father?"
303
00:34:31,361 --> 00:34:33,530
I could see the thrill of it
coursing through him.
304
00:34:33,613 --> 00:34:34,823
He didn't dare believe.
305
00:34:34,906 --> 00:34:38,493
His face darkened, his eyes all glittery.
306
00:34:38,994 --> 00:34:41,496
He said, "Well, I would if you would."
He starts to get up.
307
00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:45,500
I say, "I'm very strong, Father Rippon."
308
00:34:46,793 --> 00:34:49,337
He sits back down
as if his legs went from under him.
309
00:34:49,421 --> 00:34:50,422
I say,
310
00:34:52,215 --> 00:34:53,675
"Would you like to have a look?"
311
00:34:55,302 --> 00:34:58,179
I start to unbutton me trousers.
I thought he might have a heart attack.
312
00:34:58,263 --> 00:35:00,515
He just couldn't believe it.
It was like Christmas come early.
313
00:35:00,599 --> 00:35:02,350
So I stood meself up...
314
00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:06,271
teasing open the buttons like a rent boy.
315
00:35:07,689 --> 00:35:09,399
Dropped the Cacks.
316
00:35:09,482 --> 00:35:11,067
Dropped me undies.
317
00:35:12,819 --> 00:35:14,362
I say, "There it is."
318
00:35:15,655 --> 00:35:17,449
I said, "Lie down on the floor."
319
00:35:18,158 --> 00:35:21,077
He lies down, eager to accommodate.
320
00:35:21,995 --> 00:35:25,290
I said, "In a crucifix.
That'll make me nice and hard."
321
00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:30,462
Waddled forward a few steps
so I'm stood right over him.
322
00:35:30,545 --> 00:35:34,007
Oh, there's one detail
I forgot to mention, Jem.
323
00:35:34,090 --> 00:35:36,468
For a few days before I went round,
324
00:35:36,551 --> 00:35:39,095
I were on a diet of Guinness and curry.
325
00:35:39,763 --> 00:35:42,891
And then the afternoon of,
I took a handful of laxatives.
326
00:35:46,269 --> 00:35:47,646
It were hard to get the timing right.
327
00:35:47,729 --> 00:35:49,939
I was sat in me car outside his house
for a couple of hours
328
00:35:50,023 --> 00:35:51,358
and nothing was shifting.
329
00:35:52,901 --> 00:35:54,235
But as soon as I felt that...
330
00:35:55,028 --> 00:35:56,488
stirring within,
331
00:35:57,238 --> 00:35:58,907
I'd knocked on his door.
332
00:36:00,575 --> 00:36:03,286
As I'm sitting there,
it's welling up inside me.
333
00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:05,664
And now, I swear
I'm coming apart at the seams.
334
00:36:05,747 --> 00:36:07,582
The rivets are popping out of me.
335
00:36:11,002 --> 00:36:14,005
The army teaches you to grin and bear it,
doesn't it, Jem?
336
00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:18,802
We do love the exquisite agony...
337
00:36:19,511 --> 00:36:20,887
of self-denial.
338
00:36:23,098 --> 00:36:24,099
So...
339
00:36:24,974 --> 00:36:26,476
I'm stood over him.
340
00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:30,897
I say...
341
00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:32,941
"Don't recognize me, do you?"
342
00:36:33,942 --> 00:36:35,193
"What?"
343
00:36:36,361 --> 00:36:37,904
I say, "Little Ray.
344
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,908
I'm your Little Ray from the care home."
345
00:36:45,620 --> 00:36:49,541
Takes him a good few moments,
his eyes flicking this way and that.
346
00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,001
When the penny drops,
347
00:36:52,711 --> 00:36:55,338
fear runs through him like electricity.
348
00:36:56,131 --> 00:36:58,425
And the stinking sweat poured out of him.
349
00:36:58,508 --> 00:37:01,052
"Oh, please don't hurt me.
Please don't hurt me."
350
00:37:01,136 --> 00:37:02,679
I said, "Don't move."
351
00:37:05,014 --> 00:37:08,810
"If you move an inch,
I'll cut off your meat and potatoes
352
00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,980
and shove them down your fucking throat.
353
00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,899
You can suck yourself off for a change."
354
00:37:14,983 --> 00:37:16,568
Well, come to think of it,
355
00:37:16,651 --> 00:37:18,945
shame he didn't learn to do that
a few years ago.
356
00:37:19,028 --> 00:37:20,947
He might've been self-sufficient.
357
00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:24,534
Shuffled forwards,
358
00:37:25,201 --> 00:37:27,412
about-turn, very awkward,
359
00:37:28,288 --> 00:37:30,498
heels on his stringy little arms.
360
00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:33,710
He flinched. I could tell it hurt him,
but he daren't move.
361
00:37:34,377 --> 00:37:37,046
"Now, look up the sluice pipe, Father."
362
00:37:38,214 --> 00:37:40,133
And I squatted down.
363
00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:43,428
And I manured him.
364
00:37:44,721 --> 00:37:47,432
[laughing]
365
00:37:49,934 --> 00:37:50,935
Now...
366
00:37:55,982 --> 00:38:00,028
this evacuation
were in three distinct phases.
367
00:38:00,111 --> 00:38:03,198
First, I sprayed... [laughs]
...sprayed him,
368
00:38:04,949 --> 00:38:06,701
pebble dashed him.
369
00:38:10,163 --> 00:38:13,541
Like a flock of pigeons
taking off, they were.
370
00:38:16,544 --> 00:38:20,215
Then a couple of waves of hot lava.
371
00:38:22,217 --> 00:38:25,887
And finally, one... one big...
372
00:38:29,933 --> 00:38:32,310
[laughing continues]
373
00:38:32,393 --> 00:38:34,938
...one big patty cake,
374
00:38:35,021 --> 00:38:37,524
like wet cement,
375
00:38:37,607 --> 00:38:39,984
flops out of me.
376
00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:44,322
And he's retching and spitting
and he daren't breathe in,
377
00:38:44,405 --> 00:38:46,241
but he has to breathe.
378
00:38:46,324 --> 00:38:47,450
And I'm laughing that much,
379
00:38:47,534 --> 00:38:51,412
I feared I might topple over
into me own filth.
380
00:38:53,498 --> 00:38:55,124
[laughing]
381
00:38:55,208 --> 00:38:56,334
And that's it.
382
00:38:56,918 --> 00:38:58,127
I stood up.
383
00:38:59,504 --> 00:39:02,006
A little packet of wet wipes in me pocket,
384
00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:05,260
cleaned myself up,
385
00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:09,472
and walked out of there
light as a feather.
386
00:39:15,562 --> 00:39:16,563
[sighs]
387
00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:30,118
Did you believe that?
388
00:39:52,891 --> 00:39:55,894
Did he do you in the hole? Huh?
389
00:40:02,567 --> 00:40:03,693
No.
390
00:40:05,361 --> 00:40:06,863
I bet he didn't.
391
00:40:07,822 --> 00:40:10,408
Even at that age, they were scared of you.
392
00:40:16,247 --> 00:40:19,959
Where were you
when he was fucking me up the hole?
393
00:40:20,043 --> 00:40:21,044
Eh?
394
00:40:22,295 --> 00:40:23,671
He done me proper.
395
00:40:26,215 --> 00:40:27,842
He done me proper.
396
00:40:48,404 --> 00:40:50,782
Didn't have much luck
with fathers, did we?
397
00:41:06,756 --> 00:41:08,049
How about some tunes?
398
00:41:12,345 --> 00:41:15,348
[intense ambient music playing]
399
00:41:29,570 --> 00:41:31,572
[intense music continues]
400
00:41:31,656 --> 00:41:33,658
[no audible music from stereo]
401
00:43:25,728 --> 00:43:29,232
[music fades]
402
00:44:24,328 --> 00:44:25,538
[animal shrieks]
403
00:45:16,881 --> 00:45:20,134
Fucking hell. Fucking pig.
404
00:45:20,218 --> 00:45:21,844
[laughing]
405
00:45:24,138 --> 00:45:27,183
[laughing]
406
00:45:27,266 --> 00:45:28,434
What's wrong with you?
407
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:33,481
All right?
408
00:45:33,564 --> 00:45:35,149
[laughing continues]
409
00:45:35,233 --> 00:45:36,567
Fucking hell.
410
00:45:38,527 --> 00:45:39,737
What you doing that for?
411
00:45:41,989 --> 00:45:43,574
[laughing continues]
412
00:45:43,658 --> 00:45:45,701
What are you doing that for? Hmm?
413
00:45:46,285 --> 00:45:48,037
-What are you doing that for?
-What?
414
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:49,664
Just chucking them in your mouth.
415
00:46:00,508 --> 00:46:01,884
I'm not gonna eat them now.
416
00:46:01,968 --> 00:46:04,387
[discordant music playing]
417
00:46:08,975 --> 00:46:10,977
-[engine revs]
-Come on!
418
00:46:11,060 --> 00:46:12,812
I'm fucking crossing there,
you fucking twat!
419
00:46:12,895 --> 00:46:16,232
Look where you're fucking going,
you stupid...
420
00:46:20,820 --> 00:46:21,862
[friend]
Nessa?
421
00:46:23,114 --> 00:46:24,115
Nessa.
422
00:46:25,574 --> 00:46:26,575
Hattie?
423
00:46:28,869 --> 00:46:29,996
Give me one minute.
424
00:46:31,998 --> 00:46:33,582
[chuckling]
425
00:46:33,666 --> 00:46:36,252
Look at you in your white coat.
426
00:46:36,335 --> 00:46:39,046
Don't get ahead of yourself.
I'm only a trainee, Nessa.
427
00:46:39,630 --> 00:46:41,299
It looks good on you though.
428
00:46:41,382 --> 00:46:43,467
Even the cleaners get white coats
in the chemist.
429
00:46:43,551 --> 00:46:45,011
[laughing]
430
00:46:45,094 --> 00:46:46,971
-Have you finished uni?
-Mm-mmm.
431
00:46:47,054 --> 00:46:48,222
Finals coming up this year.
432
00:46:48,306 --> 00:46:50,808
-This is my workplace training.
-Right.
433
00:46:50,891 --> 00:46:52,393
I'm glad I ran into you, Nessa.
434
00:46:52,476 --> 00:46:54,645
I've not heard from Brian for an age now.
435
00:46:54,729 --> 00:46:56,022
Is he all right?
436
00:47:20,963 --> 00:47:21,964
What?
437
00:47:27,511 --> 00:47:28,512
What?
438
00:47:56,707 --> 00:47:58,334
[rain pattering]
439
00:48:42,420 --> 00:48:43,629
I really hurt him, Hattie.
440
00:48:47,842 --> 00:48:49,260
I don't know what...
I...
441
00:48:51,804 --> 00:48:53,556
I... I don't actually know.
442
00:48:55,433 --> 00:48:56,434
I just, I...
443
00:48:57,059 --> 00:48:58,811
I couldn't stop myself.
444
00:49:04,942 --> 00:49:06,068
I have...
445
00:49:06,902 --> 00:49:08,696
I hurt him badly.
446
00:49:11,991 --> 00:49:14,785
-What did he say to you?
-I can't even remember, Hattie.
447
00:49:16,829 --> 00:49:18,038
Well, I can...
448
00:49:19,373 --> 00:49:21,750
But, it's just...
449
00:49:22,835 --> 00:49:24,587
the usual stupid shit.
450
00:49:25,796 --> 00:49:26,964
About him?
451
00:49:28,466 --> 00:49:29,467
I just...
452
00:49:30,634 --> 00:49:32,261
Fuck, I just...
453
00:49:33,804 --> 00:49:35,055
I don't know. I just...
454
00:49:47,443 --> 00:49:48,611
[sighs]
455
00:50:06,003 --> 00:50:07,630
[birds chirping]
456
00:50:09,089 --> 00:50:10,966
You were in East Tyrone, right?
457
00:50:13,427 --> 00:50:16,597
Oh, let me just cast me mind back
for a moment.
458
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:17,681
Wrong.
459
00:50:20,309 --> 00:50:22,019
You know exactly where I were.
460
00:50:23,103 --> 00:50:24,396
Crossmaglen.
461
00:50:25,439 --> 00:50:26,649
Bandit country.
462
00:50:32,196 --> 00:50:35,616
There were an IRA Active Service Unit
operating in the area,
463
00:50:35,699 --> 00:50:36,742
doing all sorts.
464
00:50:36,825 --> 00:50:39,954
They were very good, very skillful.
465
00:50:41,789 --> 00:50:42,790
Cunning.
466
00:50:42,873 --> 00:50:45,167
Ghosting back and forth across the border.
467
00:50:47,169 --> 00:50:48,170
Yeah, it were cat and mouse.
468
00:50:48,254 --> 00:50:50,965
Sometimes we were the cats,
sometimes they were.
469
00:50:52,216 --> 00:50:54,677
As often as not,
you weren't even sure which.
470
00:50:56,929 --> 00:50:59,640
You could have them in your sights
with the safety catch off,
471
00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:02,017
meantime,
they'd have a high-velocity round
472
00:51:02,101 --> 00:51:04,895
merrily winging its way toward
the back of your head.
473
00:51:09,858 --> 00:51:12,194
Just in the week before we'd dug in...
474
00:51:14,530 --> 00:51:18,158
we found and defused
three massive IEDs of theirs.
475
00:51:19,410 --> 00:51:22,204
They shot and killed
one of our dog handlers
476
00:51:22,288 --> 00:51:23,330
and the dog.
477
00:51:23,998 --> 00:51:26,041
And they shot down a fucking helicopter.
478
00:51:26,750 --> 00:51:28,002
One week's work.
479
00:51:29,169 --> 00:51:32,047
Provo Army Council expected results...
480
00:51:33,716 --> 00:51:35,968
[sighs] ...and they weren't disappointed.
481
00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:41,140
Incendiaries,
482
00:51:42,224 --> 00:51:44,935
IEDs, grenades, mortars,
483
00:51:45,811 --> 00:51:48,105
sniper rifles, heavy machine guns...
484
00:51:49,273 --> 00:51:51,150
Were better equipped than we were.
485
00:52:02,786 --> 00:52:03,829
What happened?
486
00:52:26,352 --> 00:52:27,353
[sniffs]
487
00:52:37,446 --> 00:52:39,239
[sighs]
488
00:52:41,533 --> 00:52:43,869
[wind whistling]
489
00:54:22,843 --> 00:54:24,011
[sighs]
490
00:55:20,067 --> 00:55:21,151
[rifle clicks closed]
491
00:55:44,550 --> 00:55:46,718
Are they the flowers our dad used to grow?
492
00:55:48,512 --> 00:55:49,680
Anemones?
493
00:56:03,151 --> 00:56:05,153
[distorted, intense music playing]
494
00:56:19,710 --> 00:56:22,170
[Nessa] I write as if you've read
all my other letters.
495
00:56:23,672 --> 00:56:26,466
The desire to talk to you
and share everything is strong,
496
00:56:26,550 --> 00:56:29,887
however this isn't about me,
this is about Brian.
497
00:56:32,514 --> 00:56:33,724
Brian needs you.
498
00:56:36,810 --> 00:56:39,479
Never before have I asked you in this way.
499
00:56:42,441 --> 00:56:43,609
He's in trouble.
500
00:56:48,614 --> 00:56:50,032
[keys jangling]
501
00:56:55,662 --> 00:56:58,665
[atmospheric rock music playing on stereo]
502
00:57:09,509 --> 00:57:10,594
[door opens]
503
00:57:13,472 --> 00:57:14,640
[door closes]
504
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:43,835
[rock music continues playing]
505
00:58:31,049 --> 00:58:32,926
[door opens]
506
00:58:33,010 --> 00:58:34,302
[liquid pouring]
507
00:58:34,386 --> 00:58:35,637
You leaving?
508
00:58:37,681 --> 00:58:40,726
[cap screwing on lid]
509
00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:46,523
Accommodation not good enough for you?
510
00:58:46,606 --> 00:58:50,402
[tapping on glass]
511
00:58:55,657 --> 00:58:57,451
When you legged it,
512
00:58:58,785 --> 00:59:00,537
every day, Nessa wrote to you.
513
00:59:00,620 --> 00:59:01,913
How long was it?
514
00:59:04,249 --> 00:59:06,877
When you went limping off into the woods,
515
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:10,255
she didn't want to interfere
with your decision.
516
00:59:12,799 --> 00:59:15,552
For a couple of years,
we thought you'd just turn up one day.
517
00:59:17,179 --> 00:59:19,765
She had no idea if you got her letters,
518
00:59:19,848 --> 00:59:21,349
let alone if you read them.
519
00:59:24,853 --> 00:59:26,229
You knew she were pregnant.
520
00:59:28,106 --> 00:59:29,608
You never answered her once.
521
00:59:37,365 --> 00:59:39,159
You been going through me things?
522
00:59:44,581 --> 00:59:48,126
Fuck off back to toy town,
you fucking ape.
523
00:59:49,544 --> 00:59:52,964
Got me girl, got me son, got me life.
524
00:59:53,048 --> 00:59:54,549
What more do you fucking want?
525
00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:59,304
It was you that left. You.
Get over yourself, lad.
526
01:00:00,555 --> 01:00:02,641
It's not about you. Fact.
527
01:00:03,809 --> 01:00:05,102
It's about Brian.
528
01:00:05,185 --> 01:00:08,021
Poor only child of a deranged fugitive.
529
01:00:10,148 --> 01:00:12,818
Didn't you want to give him
some brothers and sisters to play with?
530
01:00:15,237 --> 01:00:17,405
You're a big lump of a lad.
531
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,283
Don't tell me you were firing blanks.
532
01:00:24,496 --> 01:00:26,248
She prayed for you every night, Ray.
533
01:00:28,166 --> 01:00:29,167
Still prays for you.
534
01:00:29,251 --> 01:00:31,419
Tell her to save her fucking breath.
535
01:00:32,879 --> 01:00:34,673
And our dad prayed for you too,
536
01:00:35,340 --> 01:00:37,259
every day for the rest of his life.
537
01:00:37,342 --> 01:00:38,677
Have you gone soft?
538
01:00:39,553 --> 01:00:40,971
That miserable bastard?
539
01:00:41,805 --> 01:00:44,224
Oh, he prayed. He prayed, didn't he?
540
01:00:45,433 --> 01:00:47,102
Prayed every time he took his belt off.
541
01:00:47,185 --> 01:00:48,687
Didn't he pray again afterwards?
542
01:00:48,770 --> 01:00:50,730
Wet under the arms
from the efforts of his labor.
543
01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:52,357
Oh, he prayed regular.
544
01:00:53,817 --> 01:00:57,070
We learnt our violence
from the number one regional champion,
545
01:00:57,154 --> 01:00:59,322
and he had some stiff competition.
546
01:00:59,906 --> 01:01:01,158
Who knows, maybe at the...
547
01:01:01,241 --> 01:01:05,328
the British Legion dominoes championships,
548
01:01:05,412 --> 01:01:06,621
he's life and soul.
549
01:01:06,705 --> 01:01:09,040
Blazer, badge, regimental tie,
chest out front,
550
01:01:09,124 --> 01:01:11,168
yes, the long-range desert patrol.
551
01:01:11,251 --> 01:01:12,460
Now that were war.
552
01:01:12,544 --> 01:01:14,004
Sand for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
553
01:01:14,087 --> 01:01:16,214
If Rommel didn't get you,
the flies surely would.
554
01:01:16,298 --> 01:01:17,340
He didn't talk like that.
555
01:01:17,424 --> 01:01:19,926
That's right.
He didn't fucking talk at all, did he?
556
01:01:20,010 --> 01:01:24,181
I've had plenty of fucking time
to fill in the fucking silence for him.
557
01:01:25,098 --> 01:01:27,100
What do you want from me, Brother?
558
01:01:29,269 --> 01:01:31,897
-You'd know if you read the letter.
-I've read the fucking letter!
559
01:01:31,980 --> 01:01:33,523
I've read the fucking letter...
560
01:01:33,607 --> 01:01:34,900
What the fuck?
561
01:01:34,983 --> 01:01:36,818
What do you want?
562
01:01:49,122 --> 01:01:50,916
I'm beyond your reach, Jem.
563
01:01:52,626 --> 01:01:53,960
I'm well beyond her reach.
564
01:01:54,044 --> 01:01:55,378
There'll be no epiphany.
565
01:01:55,462 --> 01:01:58,965
So fuck off back to your little family
and sort it out.
566
01:02:01,384 --> 01:02:02,719
You don't want me to leave, Ray.
567
01:02:02,802 --> 01:02:06,223
Why in God's name did you let that boy
join army in the first fucking place?
568
01:02:06,306 --> 01:02:08,558
This is nowt to do with me.
This is on you, mate.
569
01:02:08,642 --> 01:02:11,311
Look, though I've raised the boy,
570
01:02:11,394 --> 01:02:14,773
do you think he's not a pig-headed
little bastard like you are?
571
01:02:15,607 --> 01:02:17,442
It were nowt to do with me.
572
01:02:17,525 --> 01:02:18,985
I said my piece.
573
01:02:19,527 --> 01:02:22,614
I didn't think he should do it,
follow in our footsteps.
574
01:02:22,697 --> 01:02:24,950
I thought he were just chasing after...
575
01:02:27,452 --> 01:02:30,830
Anyway, regardless of what I think
or don't think,
576
01:02:30,914 --> 01:02:33,833
do you honestly believe
that your son wouldn't do a thing
577
01:02:33,917 --> 01:02:35,502
just 'cause somebody told him not to?
578
01:02:38,338 --> 01:02:40,966
[intense, quiet music playing]
579
01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:55,814
[music continues playing]
580
01:02:57,983 --> 01:03:01,236
[Jem]
Look, he's currently absent without leave,
581
01:03:02,362 --> 01:03:04,823
and as much as they like him,
you know as well as I do,
582
01:03:04,906 --> 01:03:08,285
there's no warm fuzzy feeling in the MOD.
583
01:03:10,704 --> 01:03:13,248
There's only so long
they'll turn a blind eye.
584
01:03:14,666 --> 01:03:17,294
Maybe a week, if we're lucky.
585
01:03:18,878 --> 01:03:22,424
And then the MPs will come knocking,
and take him away.
586
01:03:24,384 --> 01:03:25,927
But that's the least of it.
587
01:03:28,054 --> 01:03:30,640
I've seen my share of lost souls, Ray,
588
01:03:31,766 --> 01:03:35,270
and at this moment,
your son is in the dark.
589
01:03:35,353 --> 01:03:39,357
Believer or nonbeliever,
there are forces at work. Fact.
590
01:03:45,280 --> 01:03:48,491
I don't want anything from you, Ray.
I don't want anything.
591
01:03:51,328 --> 01:03:52,329
Nessa...
592
01:03:53,038 --> 01:03:55,165
Nessa believes that if you met him,
593
01:03:55,248 --> 01:03:56,958
and talked to him,
594
01:03:57,042 --> 01:03:58,543
gave him some answers,
595
01:03:58,626 --> 01:03:59,878
it just might make a difference.
596
01:03:59,961 --> 01:04:01,046
It might.
597
01:04:07,677 --> 01:04:09,012
Before it's too late.
598
01:04:38,958 --> 01:04:41,086
[footsteps]
599
01:04:45,757 --> 01:04:48,885
Brian savaged this lad.
He fucking savaged him.
600
01:04:50,887 --> 01:04:52,389
He's convinced himself if...
601
01:04:52,472 --> 01:04:54,724
if they hadn't pulled him off,
he'd have killed him.
602
01:04:56,643 --> 01:04:59,020
And this has been following Brian
since primary school.
603
01:04:59,104 --> 01:05:01,272
"Your father's this, your father's that.
604
01:05:01,981 --> 01:05:05,235
Is he in the nut house? Is he banged up?
605
01:05:07,237 --> 01:05:09,948
The invisible man, Ray Stoker."
606
01:05:16,621 --> 01:05:17,705
Please.
607
01:05:18,623 --> 01:05:19,707
Just tell me.
608
01:05:21,042 --> 01:05:22,419
If you're not gonna help out,
609
01:05:22,502 --> 01:05:24,587
then I'm gonna get out of here
double time.
610
01:05:51,364 --> 01:05:52,490
I fancy a bevvy.
611
01:05:52,574 --> 01:05:54,617
[chattering]
612
01:06:00,999 --> 01:06:03,168
[Nessa]
He's still conscious? That's good.
613
01:06:05,837 --> 01:06:07,964
Could you just ask the children
to move out of the way?
614
01:06:08,047 --> 01:06:09,674
We don't want them seeing this, do we?
615
01:06:09,757 --> 01:06:11,759
Deep breaths. Take a couple
of deep breaths for me.
616
01:06:11,843 --> 01:06:13,887
Yeah, a blanket on him is fine.
617
01:06:16,473 --> 01:06:18,808
-No, do not move him.
-[on phone] But he's in the way.
618
01:06:18,892 --> 01:06:20,852
I repeat that. Do not move him, madam.
619
01:06:20,935 --> 01:06:23,313
And do not remove his helmet.
620
01:06:23,396 --> 01:06:24,898
You're doing so well.
621
01:06:25,732 --> 01:06:27,525
I know there's a lot of blood.
622
01:07:00,308 --> 01:07:04,395
[bell tolling in distance]
623
01:07:17,116 --> 01:07:20,411
Well, he were all over me at that stage,
like a bloody octopus.
624
01:07:20,495 --> 01:07:22,247
And I were, like, whipping my head
back and forth
625
01:07:22,330 --> 01:07:24,040
just trying to catch a clean breath.
626
01:07:24,123 --> 01:07:26,209
But he must've thought
I was in ecstasy,
627
01:07:26,292 --> 01:07:29,587
'cause that minging wet gob of his
just kept reaching for me.
628
01:07:29,671 --> 01:07:30,672
Oh, my...
629
01:07:30,755 --> 01:07:32,423
He wasn't gonna back down, but...
630
01:07:33,258 --> 01:07:34,801
I'm not lying,
631
01:07:34,884 --> 01:07:37,136
his breath smelt like shit, Nessa.
632
01:07:38,179 --> 01:07:39,514
Have you ever had that?
633
01:07:57,574 --> 01:07:58,575
Thank you.
634
01:08:01,244 --> 01:08:03,746
[video game chiming]
635
01:08:04,831 --> 01:08:06,583
-Here you are.
-Cheers, mate.
636
01:08:09,294 --> 01:08:11,546
And here's some crisps and all.
You'll like them.
637
01:08:12,171 --> 01:08:13,673
Cheese and onion.
638
01:08:14,382 --> 01:08:16,843
This thing's out of juice, mate.
I won't be long.
639
01:08:18,011 --> 01:08:19,220
I won't be long.
640
01:08:23,558 --> 01:08:25,977
[video game chiming continues]
641
01:08:41,993 --> 01:08:44,037
[phone ringing]
642
01:08:46,372 --> 01:08:49,959
[eerie music playing]
643
01:09:33,670 --> 01:09:36,255
[no audible dialogue]
644
01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:52,438
[Nessa]
He's beautiful, kind, funny, loyal.
645
01:09:52,939 --> 01:09:56,317
He's so like you in so many ways.
Funny that, eh?
646
01:09:57,819 --> 01:10:02,240
Anyway, I implore you,
for the sake of Brian...
647
01:10:04,242 --> 01:10:07,078
to please, please come home
and talk to him.
648
01:10:25,888 --> 01:10:27,974
Let him meet you at least.
649
01:10:28,057 --> 01:10:31,102
And maybe, just maybe he can move forward
650
01:10:31,185 --> 01:10:35,022
and let go of whatever demon anger
is holding him so tight.
651
01:10:36,065 --> 01:10:39,110
I pray you are well and see fit to answer.
652
01:10:40,278 --> 01:10:41,529
God bless.
653
01:10:42,196 --> 01:10:44,073
Love always, Nessa.
654
01:11:10,767 --> 01:11:13,561
[music fades]
655
01:11:39,629 --> 01:11:40,630
What?
656
01:11:45,092 --> 01:11:46,093
What?
657
01:11:49,096 --> 01:11:50,515
What?
What the fuck?
658
01:11:52,809 --> 01:11:54,060
Spitting image.
659
01:11:54,977 --> 01:11:55,978
What?
660
01:11:56,604 --> 01:11:57,980
Spitting image.
661
01:11:58,064 --> 01:11:59,482
Spitting image? Who?
662
01:12:02,527 --> 01:12:03,569
[chuckles]
663
01:12:03,653 --> 01:12:05,071
Fuck off.
664
01:12:05,571 --> 01:12:07,240
Fuck right off.
665
01:12:08,032 --> 01:12:11,077
Our father who art in heaven?
Fuck off.
666
01:12:17,333 --> 01:12:19,210
Suppose I am a bit.
667
01:12:21,295 --> 01:12:24,173
Suppose I am a bit of a sad old bugger.
668
01:12:31,138 --> 01:12:32,890
He were doing all right, were he?
669
01:12:34,517 --> 01:12:35,518
Who?
670
01:12:35,601 --> 01:12:37,353
-The boy.
-The boy?
671
01:12:37,854 --> 01:12:39,522
Brian...
672
01:12:39,605 --> 01:12:41,190
was doing well. Very well.
673
01:12:42,817 --> 01:12:44,652
They think he's a real prospect.
674
01:12:45,319 --> 01:12:48,114
Can't help himself,
the other lads just fall in behind him.
675
01:12:49,407 --> 01:12:50,783
-That right?
-Yeah.
676
01:12:51,909 --> 01:12:54,996
You remember what it's like
when you're cold and hungry,
677
01:12:55,079 --> 01:12:56,539
you haven't slept in three nights.
678
01:12:56,622 --> 01:12:57,999
It's every man for himself.
679
01:12:59,083 --> 01:13:00,918
With Brian... [exhales]
680
01:13:01,002 --> 01:13:02,962
...he's got strength to spare.
681
01:13:03,045 --> 01:13:06,340
He may be at the end of his rope,
but he's still looking out for the others.
682
01:13:07,508 --> 01:13:09,302
And they pay attention to that.
683
01:13:14,348 --> 01:13:15,349
[exhales]
684
01:13:16,684 --> 01:13:17,685
Hmm.
685
01:13:28,404 --> 01:13:32,158
When you did selection
and, uh, were badged into the regiment,
686
01:13:33,993 --> 01:13:35,244
I was so proud.
687
01:13:38,164 --> 01:13:40,041
And I was so fucking envious.
688
01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:42,793
I thought, "I want that.
689
01:13:44,253 --> 01:13:45,922
I want some of that."
690
01:13:47,340 --> 01:13:50,509
Suppose volunteering for 14 Int
691
01:13:50,593 --> 01:13:53,512
were a way of getting closer, you know.
692
01:13:57,850 --> 01:14:00,186
Training at Bradbury Lines
with your lads and all,
693
01:14:00,269 --> 01:14:02,480
I thought it were...
694
01:14:03,397 --> 01:14:05,274
within reach. But...
695
01:14:15,034 --> 01:14:16,243
[chuckles]
696
01:14:17,954 --> 01:14:19,038
[sniffs]
697
01:14:23,334 --> 01:14:25,252
Weren't 'cause of me that he signed up.
698
01:14:30,883 --> 01:14:31,926
'Cause of you.
699
01:14:37,431 --> 01:14:39,266
Even with all the shit...
700
01:14:40,351 --> 01:14:43,938
that he put up with over the years,
it was some idea he had, it were...
701
01:14:45,773 --> 01:14:48,401
It were the space where you should've been
that he were chasing after.
702
01:14:48,484 --> 01:14:50,403
That he was fascinated by.
703
01:14:52,989 --> 01:14:55,282
Now he's frightened of his own shadow.
704
01:14:59,662 --> 01:15:00,955
He doesn't know who you are.
705
01:15:02,748 --> 01:15:04,250
Knows nothing about you.
706
01:15:05,876 --> 01:15:08,963
Except for the old stories
when we were youngsters.
707
01:15:09,046 --> 01:15:13,759
You know, the short fuse,
street fights, vandalism.
708
01:15:13,843 --> 01:15:16,679
You and me both,
we were both liabilities then.
709
01:15:17,805 --> 01:15:18,889
But now he...
710
01:15:20,349 --> 01:15:23,269
I don't know.
He looks at his hands as though...
711
01:15:23,978 --> 01:15:26,272
they belong to somebody else.
712
01:15:26,355 --> 01:15:27,356
What?
713
01:15:34,155 --> 01:15:35,865
Rumors, mate. Rumors.
714
01:15:39,326 --> 01:15:41,662
Until you tell me what happened,
that's all we've got.
715
01:15:47,376 --> 01:15:49,712
[ambient music playing]
716
01:16:06,437 --> 01:16:09,398
[intense music playing]
717
01:17:05,329 --> 01:17:06,330
[music stops]
718
01:17:10,751 --> 01:17:14,338
["Moonlight Sonata" playing on piano
haltingly]
719
01:17:42,825 --> 01:17:44,410
[pump bubbling]
720
01:17:47,163 --> 01:17:48,164
[door closes]
721
01:18:02,094 --> 01:18:04,096
[Nessa breathing deeply]
722
01:18:04,180 --> 01:18:07,725
I realize I've never properly spoken
to you about your father,
723
01:18:09,226 --> 01:18:11,770
and that was a fault in me, Brian.
724
01:18:14,899 --> 01:18:17,902
Me and Jem thought
we could make a nice life for you,
725
01:18:17,985 --> 01:18:20,070
and I think in some ways we have.
726
01:18:21,030 --> 01:18:22,656
But it...
727
01:18:22,740 --> 01:18:24,533
can't have been easy for you,
728
01:18:25,117 --> 01:18:26,368
all these years.
729
01:18:26,952 --> 01:18:28,996
You know, it looming over everything.
730
01:18:29,747 --> 01:18:31,207
Every family dinner.
731
01:18:32,041 --> 01:18:35,753
Every birthday. Every Christmas.
Every special occasion.
732
01:18:35,836 --> 01:18:37,546
[child chattering in distance]
733
01:18:39,006 --> 01:18:40,716
And I suppose by not...
734
01:18:41,759 --> 01:18:43,552
talking to you about it...
735
01:18:47,139 --> 01:18:48,641
it were my way of...
736
01:18:49,558 --> 01:18:51,143
protecting you from it.
737
01:19:08,244 --> 01:19:11,497
How much do you know about
the early Troubles in Northern Ireland?
738
01:19:14,333 --> 01:19:16,335
[piano playing continues]
739
01:19:40,693 --> 01:19:44,697
-[radio chatter, indistinct]
-[explosions]
740
01:19:50,744 --> 01:19:51,745
[chatter stops]
741
01:20:15,811 --> 01:20:18,272
[thunder rumbling]
742
01:20:20,441 --> 01:20:22,192
[clattering]
743
01:20:22,276 --> 01:20:24,361
[wind whistling]
744
01:20:30,659 --> 01:20:32,870
[thunder rumbling]
745
01:20:53,932 --> 01:20:55,517
We'll sleep outside tonight.
746
01:21:07,279 --> 01:21:09,073
[Nessa] I lost him in stages.
747
01:21:11,700 --> 01:21:13,369
I lost him in stages.
748
01:21:15,996 --> 01:21:17,790
After the first few tours
in Northern Ireland,
749
01:21:17,873 --> 01:21:20,167
he were already quite hard to reach.
750
01:21:21,126 --> 01:21:23,545
And then when he volunteered
for some special assignment,
751
01:21:23,629 --> 01:21:25,130
the minute he raised his hand, he...
752
01:21:25,214 --> 01:21:27,800
he seemed to disappear into another world.
753
01:21:29,051 --> 01:21:31,220
But it wasn't just that. He wanted it.
754
01:21:31,303 --> 01:21:33,055
He were alive, eager.
755
01:21:37,351 --> 01:21:39,603
He said goodbye well before he left.
756
01:21:40,187 --> 01:21:41,897
And when he came back,
you couldn't reach him.
757
01:21:41,980 --> 01:21:43,732
You'd be sat at kitchen table with him,
758
01:21:43,816 --> 01:21:47,277
and he'd be looking at you like you
were at the other side of a football pitch
759
01:21:47,361 --> 01:21:49,655
and you're an acquaintance, you know,
760
01:21:49,738 --> 01:21:52,324
maybe, and he were trying to figure out
who you were.
761
01:21:55,536 --> 01:21:57,162
I were pregnant with you.
762
01:21:58,539 --> 01:22:01,166
And I were getting bigger by the day, and...
763
01:22:01,250 --> 01:22:03,252
he seemed to be shrinking.
764
01:22:03,335 --> 01:22:06,213
I felt like a big lumbering giant
living with a miniature person,
765
01:22:06,296 --> 01:22:08,924
afraid I were gonna crush him
underfoot. But...
766
01:22:13,053 --> 01:22:15,013
And then one day he were gone and I...
767
01:22:16,140 --> 01:22:18,225
realized I'd been waiting for it.
768
01:22:27,234 --> 01:22:29,695
Ray never spoke to me
about what happened over there.
769
01:22:30,988 --> 01:22:32,573
I tried to get in touch with a...
770
01:22:32,656 --> 01:22:34,199
a few of the lads that he served with,
771
01:22:34,283 --> 01:22:36,577
you know, that were with him,
but they said nothing.
772
01:22:37,411 --> 01:22:40,247
They were on a warning from the MOD.
They must have been on a warning.
773
01:22:40,330 --> 01:22:43,333
So all I have is what I'm telling you now.
774
01:22:44,793 --> 01:22:46,295
But I knew Ray.
775
01:22:46,378 --> 01:22:49,256
I knew Ray better than I knew myself.
776
01:22:49,339 --> 01:22:53,010
And as I said, those lads,
they couldn't say owt.
777
01:22:53,093 --> 01:22:56,972
[sighs] But I tell you this much,
they loved him, and they respected him.
778
01:22:57,055 --> 01:23:00,476
And they never gave me...
never gave me one hint of a reason
779
01:23:00,559 --> 01:23:03,145
that he'd done something
he should be ashamed of.
780
01:23:11,236 --> 01:23:12,988
But he left us, didn't he?
781
01:23:15,199 --> 01:23:16,450
He left us.
782
01:23:18,368 --> 01:23:20,537
What's that, Mum?
Something to be proud of?
783
01:23:24,541 --> 01:23:25,709
Why'd he leave?
784
01:23:27,252 --> 01:23:29,379
Huh? Why did he leave us?
785
01:23:33,175 --> 01:23:35,177
[ambient music playing]
786
01:24:50,627 --> 01:24:52,129
[music fades]
787
01:25:27,247 --> 01:25:28,290
War crime.
788
01:25:34,796 --> 01:25:37,049
That's what he called it, a war crime.
789
01:25:41,637 --> 01:25:43,430
Fucking war crime me?
790
01:25:44,848 --> 01:25:46,933
The war were the fucking crime...
791
01:25:49,478 --> 01:25:51,563
and we were the phantom soldiers.
792
01:25:59,112 --> 01:26:02,491
Our mission on this one were surveillance,
pure and simple.
793
01:26:03,617 --> 01:26:05,160
We dug in at nighttime.
794
01:26:05,243 --> 01:26:06,995
Two OPs.
795
01:26:07,079 --> 01:26:10,040
Ours were in a hedgerow
at the end of an unpaved lane way
796
01:26:10,123 --> 01:26:11,958
bordering the farm buildings.
797
01:26:12,584 --> 01:26:14,419
The structure of interest
were the milking shed.
798
01:26:14,503 --> 01:26:18,507
No more than 30, 40 feet from us
across the yard.
799
01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:21,468
On a tip-off,
we'd scouted it a few nights before.
800
01:26:23,553 --> 01:26:25,639
They arrived shortly after sunup.
801
01:26:27,057 --> 01:26:29,768
The bomb-maker were a player,
well-known to us.
802
01:26:29,851 --> 01:26:32,396
The young lad with him,
we'd never seen him before.
803
01:26:35,190 --> 01:26:39,403
Our intel was solid,
but for two days there were no movement.
804
01:26:39,486 --> 01:26:41,655
We started to wonder
if they'd somehow slipped away.
805
01:26:41,738 --> 01:26:44,116
If there were a...
a tunnel or concealed entrance
806
01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:46,201
we'd missed when we recced the building.
807
01:26:48,370 --> 01:26:51,248
I was just writing up me report
when the bomb went off.
808
01:26:58,755 --> 01:27:02,175
The explosion was so loud,
you couldn't hear it.
809
01:27:04,594 --> 01:27:08,432
The concussive force
ran through every cell of your body.
810
01:27:08,515 --> 01:27:09,850
Filled you up,
811
01:27:09,933 --> 01:27:12,102
like there were nothing left of you.
812
01:27:12,728 --> 01:27:13,937
Just chaos.
813
01:27:16,064 --> 01:27:19,401
The entire roof lifted off the shed
on a cloud of black smoke,
814
01:27:19,484 --> 01:27:21,111
like a cartoon.
815
01:27:21,194 --> 01:27:23,947
The walls swelled outwards, opened up.
816
01:27:24,030 --> 01:27:26,032
Debris started to rain down on us.
817
01:27:26,116 --> 01:27:28,827
"Are we being attacked?
Do they know we're here?
818
01:27:28,910 --> 01:27:31,413
Are they getting rid of it?"
They'd do that sometimes.
819
01:27:31,496 --> 01:27:32,706
You know how it were. If they...
820
01:27:32,789 --> 01:27:37,127
If they thought you were onto them,
they'd detonate the ordnance and scarper.
821
01:27:37,210 --> 01:27:39,880
And we were waiting for the incoming.
822
01:27:39,963 --> 01:27:42,966
But, so far, there were nothing.
823
01:27:47,387 --> 01:27:49,973
Then there were just the sound
of this fella screaming.
824
01:27:54,895 --> 01:27:56,980
Like I said, we were on surveillance,
nothing more.
825
01:27:57,063 --> 01:27:59,274
We weren't equipped for anything serious.
826
01:27:59,357 --> 01:28:02,360
Sidearms only,
a couple of longs between us.
827
01:28:03,278 --> 01:28:05,447
When that Semtex went off,
we should've called it in,
828
01:28:05,530 --> 01:28:07,824
handed it over to your lads. But...
829
01:28:07,908 --> 01:28:09,826
I don't know why, but...
830
01:28:10,535 --> 01:28:12,829
for some reason, we moved in.
831
01:28:12,913 --> 01:28:14,539
Advance to contact.
832
01:28:16,333 --> 01:28:20,837
I suppose it were a "ride to the sound
of the guns" type of madness.
833
01:28:20,921 --> 01:28:22,964
We started to crawl toward
the milking shed.
834
01:28:23,048 --> 01:28:25,926
Could've been weapons trained on us,
snipers.
835
01:28:26,009 --> 01:28:28,845
Could have been another bomb waiting
in the building. We didn't know.
836
01:28:33,225 --> 01:28:35,352
So, we're crawling, heads down,
837
01:28:35,435 --> 01:28:38,021
getting closer, getting closer.
All we could...
838
01:28:41,483 --> 01:28:43,360
The only sound were the screaming.
839
01:28:45,695 --> 01:28:48,114
Obviously we wanted to get one
of them alive, if we could.
840
01:28:48,198 --> 01:28:49,324
Get them to talk.
841
01:28:52,869 --> 01:28:56,081
It were that smoky in the building,
you could barely see in front of you.
842
01:28:57,040 --> 01:28:58,917
Well, it turned out
it were just the two of them.
843
01:28:59,000 --> 01:29:00,460
Master and apprentice.
844
01:29:01,795 --> 01:29:04,923
And the player must have been stood
between the bomb and the kid.
845
01:29:05,006 --> 01:29:06,550
There were nowt left of him...
846
01:29:08,009 --> 01:29:09,261
except his fucking teeth,
847
01:29:09,344 --> 01:29:11,471
buried in the side
of the young fella's head.
848
01:29:13,932 --> 01:29:16,142
I heard it were his nephew
a few days later.
849
01:29:18,520 --> 01:29:21,064
And I must have slipped
when we went in on some...
850
01:29:21,940 --> 01:29:24,734
piece of him, because I were covered in,
you know...
851
01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:29,531
When I picked meself up,
I were covered in his slime.
852
01:29:34,286 --> 01:29:35,871
The kid were on the ground.
853
01:29:36,705 --> 01:29:38,164
Bits of him were...
854
01:29:39,457 --> 01:29:41,126
He were alive, just about,
855
01:29:41,209 --> 01:29:43,378
but bits of him were missing.
856
01:29:44,462 --> 01:29:47,716
His innards were spilled out
and he were crying out for his mother.
857
01:29:50,135 --> 01:29:52,929
Bomb-maker's teeth buried
in the side of his head.
858
01:29:55,557 --> 01:29:56,850
I was stood right over him.
859
01:29:56,933 --> 01:29:59,436
Our three lads clearing the room,
left and right.
860
01:30:00,353 --> 01:30:01,897
I'm stood over him.
861
01:30:02,522 --> 01:30:04,733
He were dying, this kid, Jem.
He were dying.
862
01:30:05,817 --> 01:30:07,527
I could see the fear in his eyes.
863
01:30:08,945 --> 01:30:10,322
The fucking hatred.
864
01:30:11,531 --> 01:30:13,116
He looked at me with hatred.
865
01:30:14,367 --> 01:30:16,912
Couldn't have been more than 16,
17 years old.
866
01:30:16,995 --> 01:30:18,872
Younger than Brian is now.
867
01:30:19,748 --> 01:30:21,124
He's screaming at me.
868
01:30:24,127 --> 01:30:25,795
Begging me to shoot him.
869
01:30:27,130 --> 01:30:28,381
So I shot him.
870
01:30:41,811 --> 01:30:43,313
He were dying?
871
01:30:43,396 --> 01:30:45,482
Yes, Jem. He were fucking dying.
He fucking...
872
01:30:45,565 --> 01:30:47,651
I didn't fucking kill him.
He killed himself.
873
01:30:47,734 --> 01:30:49,527
He fucking killed himself.
874
01:30:49,611 --> 01:30:53,031
I just nudged him across the line.
Fucking little bastard.
875
01:30:53,114 --> 01:30:55,158
Where were they gonna put that bomb?
In a pub?
876
01:30:55,241 --> 01:30:57,035
In a shopping center? In a nightclub?
877
01:30:57,118 --> 01:30:59,996
Guaranteed, there'd be innocent people
blown to bits. How fucking merciful.
878
01:31:00,080 --> 01:31:01,748
Turns out they just killed themselves.
879
01:31:01,831 --> 01:31:04,501
And I'm the fucking murderer? I wish...
880
01:31:04,584 --> 01:31:06,336
I wish I had left him to die.
881
01:31:09,422 --> 01:31:12,258
I wish I'd left him to his full measure
of suffering.
882
01:31:12,342 --> 01:31:15,011
Lying there with his guts spilled out,
crying for his mother.
883
01:31:15,095 --> 01:31:16,805
I should've left him there.
884
01:31:17,347 --> 01:31:19,140
Should've called an ambulance.
885
01:31:19,224 --> 01:31:21,226
Told 'em to take the scenic route.
886
01:31:24,312 --> 01:31:26,898
I'm not fucking... making out
I did him a favor,
887
01:31:26,982 --> 01:31:28,149
but I fucking did.
888
01:31:28,233 --> 01:31:30,402
He were begging me to do it.
889
01:31:30,485 --> 01:31:32,737
Seventeen years old,
shivering on the ground.
890
01:31:32,821 --> 01:31:34,280
And I finished him off...
891
01:31:36,574 --> 01:31:38,201
just to stop the screaming.
892
01:31:49,963 --> 01:31:51,798
And that's it. That's all there were.
893
01:31:52,507 --> 01:31:56,094
Yeah. Listen, of course, they...
Lads knew. The lads...
894
01:31:56,177 --> 01:31:58,930
The lads knew what I'd done.
They didn't question it.
895
01:31:59,014 --> 01:32:00,348
They knew this fella were gone,
896
01:32:00,432 --> 01:32:03,810
and no one would get anything out of him
by the time we got him anywhere.
897
01:32:03,893 --> 01:32:05,020
He wouldn't have survived.
898
01:32:05,103 --> 01:32:07,313
No one said a word. No one questioned it.
899
01:32:14,654 --> 01:32:15,864
No one said a word.
900
01:32:18,366 --> 01:32:21,202
But I called it
into South Det operations room.
901
01:32:21,286 --> 01:32:22,829
That stage, our job were done.
902
01:32:22,912 --> 01:32:25,915
Handed over, went back to barracks,
had the debrief.
903
01:32:25,999 --> 01:32:29,627
That boy's injuries, didn't occur to me
any questions would be asked. But...
904
01:32:32,255 --> 01:32:34,466
They were all in a twist,
905
01:32:34,549 --> 01:32:36,551
the Ruperts, the higher-ups.
906
01:32:38,803 --> 01:32:40,055
So after...
907
01:32:42,057 --> 01:32:44,476
the CO had me in his office, uh...
908
01:32:47,520 --> 01:32:49,856
I could tell he were under stress.
909
01:32:49,939 --> 01:32:53,485
His whole fat head looked like a boil
that needed lancing.
910
01:32:54,944 --> 01:32:59,449
"By all the rules of lawful engagement,
that's a war crime, Sergeant Stoker."
911
01:32:59,532 --> 01:33:01,034
Oh, hello, here we go.
912
01:33:01,117 --> 01:33:02,535
He's looking hard at me.
913
01:33:02,619 --> 01:33:04,704
"We need to make this go away.
914
01:33:05,747 --> 01:33:07,832
He presented a threat.
915
01:33:07,916 --> 01:33:09,709
He raised his weapon."
916
01:33:14,172 --> 01:33:16,841
"No, he fucking didn't, sir."
917
01:33:21,221 --> 01:33:22,639
I shouted in his face,
918
01:33:22,722 --> 01:33:24,849
"No, he fucking didn't."
919
01:33:31,898 --> 01:33:33,817
"His arms were shredded."
920
01:33:39,948 --> 01:33:43,243
I said, "I want to get out."
He said, "You can't."
921
01:33:43,326 --> 01:33:46,454
He said, "Pull yourself together,
and don't be thick.
922
01:33:46,538 --> 01:33:47,539
Take a couple of days,
923
01:33:47,622 --> 01:33:50,166
see the head doctor,
you'll be right as rain.
924
01:33:51,209 --> 01:33:53,294
We'll make this go away." So...
925
01:33:53,378 --> 01:33:55,713
I'm stood in front... front of him,
926
01:33:55,797 --> 01:33:57,715
hot tears squirting out of me.
927
01:33:57,799 --> 01:34:01,052
If you'd asked me what my name were,
I wouldn't have known.
928
01:34:01,136 --> 01:34:02,762
[sobbing]
929
01:34:04,055 --> 01:34:05,056
And...
930
01:34:06,766 --> 01:34:10,979
So, I took a couple of days, but it...
931
01:34:11,980 --> 01:34:14,899
it weren't that long for the shrink
to see there were...
932
01:34:15,733 --> 01:34:18,820
a crack in the ice
that wouldn't heal over.
933
01:34:18,903 --> 01:34:21,823
-I were... I were, as he put it...
-Hey.
934
01:34:21,906 --> 01:34:23,908
..."an unstable element."
935
01:34:24,909 --> 01:34:26,452
Danger to meself and others,
936
01:34:26,536 --> 01:34:30,039
which in our line of work,
meant generally bad for business.
937
01:34:30,123 --> 01:34:32,917
Time to go home. So, he declared me unfit,
938
01:34:33,001 --> 01:34:35,044
"return to unit."
939
01:34:35,128 --> 01:34:37,881
Signed me out,
put me on a plane back to me regiment.
940
01:34:39,841 --> 01:34:42,802
Short while later,
I find myself on the streets of Sheffield,
941
01:34:42,886 --> 01:34:44,804
staring at me old front door.
942
01:34:44,888 --> 01:34:48,099
A civilian and a...
943
01:34:51,686 --> 01:34:56,107
a dirty little secret war criminal.
944
01:34:57,901 --> 01:35:03,031
Yeah, well, I were coming up
15-year service, due out anyway.
945
01:35:04,741 --> 01:35:05,950
[sighs]
946
01:35:12,790 --> 01:35:14,167
Could you have saved him?
947
01:35:15,293 --> 01:35:18,129
I did save him, Jem. I did save him.
948
01:35:18,838 --> 01:35:21,049
Saved him from more fucking pain.
949
01:35:21,549 --> 01:35:24,135
I'd have enjoyed watching him suffer
a little bit longer.
950
01:35:24,219 --> 01:35:26,679
So I did save him. I saved him from that.
951
01:35:32,101 --> 01:35:33,519
Why did you shoot him?
952
01:35:35,146 --> 01:35:37,106
Could we have kept him alive?
953
01:35:41,861 --> 01:35:44,155
At the time, I knew we couldn't.
954
01:35:44,239 --> 01:35:45,448
At the time...
955
01:35:48,326 --> 01:35:49,786
At the time...
956
01:35:54,999 --> 01:35:57,377
[breathes deeply]
957
01:36:05,885 --> 01:36:06,886
Hey.
958
01:36:11,140 --> 01:36:12,725
We've all done things.
959
01:36:15,019 --> 01:36:16,020
We've all done things, Ray.
960
01:36:16,104 --> 01:36:19,315
I don't need your fucking absolution, Jem.
961
01:36:20,775 --> 01:36:24,654
Maybe I could've saved him.
Maybe I couldn't have saved him.
962
01:36:24,737 --> 01:36:27,073
Maybe I enjoyed killing him.
Maybe I didn't.
963
01:36:27,156 --> 01:36:29,867
Maybe I pitied him.
Maybe I fucking hated him.
964
01:36:29,951 --> 01:36:32,453
I don't know, Jem. I don't know.
[crying]
965
01:36:34,289 --> 01:36:36,791
But I don't need your fucking absolution.
966
01:36:38,334 --> 01:36:41,796
I did the crime.
I'm still serving the time.
967
01:36:41,879 --> 01:36:43,923
I don't owe nowt to nobody.
968
01:36:45,675 --> 01:36:47,302
I don't owe nowt to nobody.
969
01:36:48,803 --> 01:36:50,263
Least of all to you.
970
01:36:51,514 --> 01:36:55,101
[sighs deeply, chuckles]
971
01:36:55,184 --> 01:36:57,979
How many fucking Hail Marys
do I get for that?
972
01:37:05,403 --> 01:37:07,405
[intense music playing]
973
01:38:22,688 --> 01:38:24,774
[Nessa] And he goes silent, morose.
974
01:38:25,691 --> 01:38:27,610
His eyes searching for the exit.
975
01:38:29,946 --> 01:38:32,115
Well, there were rumors,
as you only know too well.
976
01:38:32,198 --> 01:38:34,700
That he'd lost his mind over there.
977
01:38:34,784 --> 01:38:36,911
That, you know, he'd... He'd gone psycho.
978
01:38:36,994 --> 01:38:39,288
That he'd been involved
in some bad things.
979
01:38:39,372 --> 01:38:41,749
Even that he'd murdered
an unarmed civilian.
980
01:38:42,708 --> 01:38:44,544
Oh, and the shame.
981
01:38:44,627 --> 01:38:46,879
The shame of it seemed to crush him.
982
01:38:46,963 --> 01:38:49,799
And regardless of what happened,
the shame.
983
01:38:52,009 --> 01:38:54,595
It's hard to imagine that,
you know, what shame can do to a person.
984
01:38:54,679 --> 01:38:57,765
He was a very proud man,
your father, Brian. He was very proud.
985
01:38:58,724 --> 01:38:59,976
Proud?
986
01:39:00,059 --> 01:39:01,686
You don't understand.
987
01:39:02,562 --> 01:39:05,064
He put his heart and soul into soldiering.
988
01:39:05,148 --> 01:39:08,234
-Just like your dad Jem, you know?
-Listen to yourself, Mum.
989
01:39:08,317 --> 01:39:10,153
So to take that away from somebody...
990
01:39:10,236 --> 01:39:13,156
To take it away from him,
it's like taking his name away.
991
01:39:13,239 --> 01:39:15,074
How can you be
so fucking reasonable about it?
992
01:39:15,158 --> 01:39:17,535
I wasn't reasonable about it at the time.
993
01:39:19,620 --> 01:39:21,122
You know, and if it wasn't for knowing
994
01:39:21,205 --> 01:39:24,417
that there was a baby on the way,
and if it wasn't for you...
995
01:39:26,169 --> 01:39:27,879
I don't know what I would've done.
996
01:39:36,095 --> 01:39:37,096
So, yeah.
997
01:39:38,431 --> 01:39:39,432
He left us.
998
01:39:40,892 --> 01:39:41,976
I'm sorry.
999
01:39:47,648 --> 01:39:50,234
And is that what you think,
or is that what you know?
1000
01:39:54,989 --> 01:39:56,616
'Cause this is what I think, Mum.
1001
01:39:56,699 --> 01:39:58,242
I think he were a fucking killer
1002
01:39:59,410 --> 01:40:00,578
and a coward.
1003
01:40:01,704 --> 01:40:05,458
Because only a weak, cowardly person
can walk away from their family like that.
1004
01:40:09,128 --> 01:40:11,380
Don't talk about him. You don't know him.
1005
01:40:11,464 --> 01:40:13,049
No, you're right. I don't know him.
1006
01:40:14,258 --> 01:40:17,386
That's the problem, innit?
I don't fucking know him.
1007
01:40:20,431 --> 01:40:23,059
I know everything I fucking need to know
about that...
1008
01:40:23,142 --> 01:40:24,143
bastard.
1009
01:40:26,979 --> 01:40:28,981
And that he's
a big, giant fucking sinkhole
1010
01:40:29,065 --> 01:40:30,441
in the middle of our lives.
1011
01:40:36,614 --> 01:40:38,574
Don't talk about him like that.
1012
01:40:39,325 --> 01:40:42,662
Don't talk about anybody like that
in my presence.
1013
01:40:42,745 --> 01:40:45,456
Least of all the man who gave you life,
which is a blessed thing.
1014
01:40:45,540 --> 01:40:47,792
Blessed?
Blessed?
1015
01:40:47,875 --> 01:40:50,962
Why does everything have to be
so fucking blessed in this house, Mum?
1016
01:40:52,755 --> 01:40:54,257
You gave me life.
1017
01:40:55,633 --> 01:40:57,468
He gave me a fucking...
1018
01:41:00,805 --> 01:41:02,515
a fucking curse.
1019
01:41:03,349 --> 01:41:06,018
[intense music playing]
1020
01:41:26,163 --> 01:41:27,456
[Jem] All these years...
1021
01:41:31,961 --> 01:41:33,504
All these years...
1022
01:42:07,580 --> 01:42:09,498
All these years fucking what?
1023
01:42:13,002 --> 01:42:14,086
[Jem] How did you...
1024
01:42:15,921 --> 01:42:18,924
The winters... I mean, the isolation...
1025
01:42:21,135 --> 01:42:22,470
How did I what?
1026
01:42:29,310 --> 01:42:31,187
How did I manage without you?
1027
01:42:42,907 --> 01:42:44,617
It's not over, Jem.
1028
01:42:44,700 --> 01:42:47,912
You make it sound as if it... I mean...
1029
01:42:50,790 --> 01:42:54,543
I won't pretend
I don't think about it from time to time.
1030
01:42:54,627 --> 01:42:58,339
But this is it, Jem. This is me life.
1031
01:43:06,347 --> 01:43:07,848
Does it have to be?
1032
01:43:18,359 --> 01:43:19,777
"As for man,
1033
01:43:21,153 --> 01:43:23,239
his days are as grass.
1034
01:43:25,449 --> 01:43:28,703
As a flower of the field,
so it flourisheth.
1035
01:43:30,579 --> 01:43:34,667
For the wind passeth over it,
and it is gone.
1036
01:43:37,086 --> 01:43:39,922
And the place thereof
shall know it no more."
1037
01:43:44,885 --> 01:43:46,762
Et cetera, et cetera.
1038
01:43:47,471 --> 01:43:48,973
A-fucking-men.
1039
01:43:54,270 --> 01:43:55,521
Good night, Ray.
1040
01:45:30,491 --> 01:45:32,910
[water sloshing]
1041
01:45:36,330 --> 01:45:38,707
[inhaling deeply]
1042
01:45:41,669 --> 01:45:48,175
[exhaling]
1043
01:45:54,640 --> 01:45:55,850
Brian?
1044
01:45:57,935 --> 01:45:59,728
[exhaling]
1045
01:45:59,812 --> 01:46:00,813
Brian?
1046
01:47:04,251 --> 01:47:06,003
[breathing shakily]
1047
01:47:18,057 --> 01:47:19,642
[birds chirping]
1048
01:47:23,771 --> 01:47:24,980
[dart hits board]
1049
01:47:34,615 --> 01:47:37,201
[thunder rumbling]
1050
01:47:55,010 --> 01:47:56,011
[crashing loudly]
1051
01:48:04,937 --> 01:48:06,772
[clattering on roof]
1052
01:48:07,648 --> 01:48:08,649
Fuck.
1053
01:48:19,076 --> 01:48:20,703
[thunder continues rumbling]
1054
01:48:30,337 --> 01:48:34,133
[hail clattering]
1055
01:49:10,461 --> 01:49:12,755
-[hail clattering]
-[phones ringing]
1056
01:49:32,107 --> 01:49:35,319
-[siren wailing]
-[car alarm blaring]
1057
01:49:42,159 --> 01:49:45,370
[alarm continues blaring]
1058
01:50:09,603 --> 01:50:12,564
[low-tone hums]
1059
01:50:19,655 --> 01:50:21,490
[loud clattering continues]
1060
01:50:56,692 --> 01:50:58,610
[clattering continues]
1061
01:51:25,179 --> 01:51:26,388
[clattering stops]
1062
01:54:43,377 --> 01:54:44,378
[Jem]
Hey.
1063
01:54:46,213 --> 01:54:47,381
I've got to get going.
1064
01:54:49,007 --> 01:54:50,008
[groans]
1065
01:54:51,301 --> 01:54:53,095
What are you doing? Fucking hell.
1066
01:55:02,562 --> 01:55:03,563
[chuckles]
1067
01:55:08,735 --> 01:55:09,820
[grunts]
1068
01:55:21,331 --> 01:55:22,332
[Jem gasps]
1069
01:55:24,418 --> 01:55:25,585
[Ray grunts]
1070
01:55:35,345 --> 01:55:36,555
[gasps]
1071
01:55:37,722 --> 01:55:40,725
[both panting]
1072
01:55:49,234 --> 01:55:51,945
[Jem panting]
1073
01:56:22,767 --> 01:56:24,853
[panting continues]
1074
01:56:28,064 --> 01:56:30,066
[gentle music playing]
1075
01:56:55,091 --> 01:56:57,302
[music continues]
1076
01:58:12,085 --> 01:58:14,671
[no audible dialogue]
1077
01:59:18,360 --> 01:59:20,987
[intense music playing]
1078
01:59:30,372 --> 01:59:33,291
[music continues]
1079
02:00:24,008 --> 02:00:25,844
[music fades]
1080
02:00:30,432 --> 02:00:32,434
[gentle music playing]