1
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,860
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Sabrina
Carpenter.

2
00:00:26,940 --> 00:00:29,640
This is the one and only Paul Simon.

3
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:41,920
I sang this song with George Harrison on
Saturday Night Live in 1976.

4
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:47,000
I was not born then, and neither were my
parents.

5
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,360
I'm glad they're getting a chance to hear
it tonight.

6
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:15,110
Sitting in a railway station, ticket for
my destination.

7
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:27,940
On a tour of one night stands my suitcase
and guitar man.

8
00:01:27,941 --> 00:01:34,060
And every stop is legally planned for a
poet and one

9
00:01:39,740 --> 00:01:42,520
man I wish I was.

10
00:01:49,850 --> 00:01:52,530
Home where my thoughts are skinned.

11
00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:55,770
Home where my music's played.

12
00:01:56,290 --> 00:02:02,810
Home where my love lies waiting silently
for me.

13
00:02:07,730 --> 00:02:15,550
Every day's an endless stream of airport
lounges, magazines.

14
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:25,280
And each town looks the same to me.

15
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,520
The movies and the factories.

16
00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:36,520
And every stranger's face I see reminds me
that I long to be homeward bound.

17
00:02:41,630 --> 00:02:45,690
Home where my

18
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,480
thoughts are skinned.

19
00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:57,420
Home where my music's played.

20
00:02:58,140 --> 00:03:05,700
Home where my love lies waiting silently
for me.

21
00:03:19,370 --> 00:03:22,030
Tonight I'll sing my songs again.

22
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:26,730
Play the game and pretend.

23
00:03:35,970 --> 00:03:43,410
Shades of mediocrity like emptiness and
harmony.

24
00:03:43,910 --> 00:03:48,210
I need someone to comfort me.

25
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:57,240
Home where my

26
00:04:02,260 --> 00:04:04,520
thoughts are skinned.

27
00:04:04,540 --> 00:04:07,280
Home where my music's played.

28
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:17,120
Home where my love lies waiting silently
for me.

29
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:39,390
Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Martin!

30
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:04,580
Welcome to the 50th anniversary of
Saturday Night Live.

31
00:06:06,260 --> 00:06:10,240
I'm Steve Martin, Saturday Night Live's
newest diversity hire.

32
00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:13,680
And what a thrill it is to be here.

33
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:19,800
When I heard that SNL wanted to do an
anniversary special, I literally wanted to

34
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:21,040
leap into the air.

35
00:06:21,041 --> 00:06:23,589
And the only reason I
didn't is because at the

36
00:06:23,590 --> 00:06:26,801
time I was wearing a short
skirt with no underwear.

37
00:06:27,860 --> 00:06:34,820
Now I can't believe... I can't believe I
even made it here in time.

38
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:38,480
It was only a few days ago that Lauren
told me I was doing the monologue.

39
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:43,400
And I was actually vacationing on a friend's
boat down in the Gulf of Steve Martin.

40
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:51,070
And I finally... It took me a while to get
here, but I did.

41
00:06:51,220 --> 00:06:54,033
Now, Saturday Night
Live, as you know, turned

42
00:06:54,093 --> 00:06:58,590
50 years old this
year, and I turned 79.

43
00:07:02,970 --> 00:07:05,990
But I feel like I'm 65.

44
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:08,710
Which is also not good.

45
00:07:11,490 --> 00:07:15,870
Now, seriously, I do not mind getting
older.

46
00:07:17,310 --> 00:07:19,670
Do you think these hearing aids make my
ass look smaller?

47
00:07:19,950 --> 00:07:20,950
I do.

48
00:07:23,450 --> 00:07:25,470
And I'm still learning about life.

49
00:07:26,090 --> 00:07:28,178
Actually, my wife,
who's a very smart, wise

50
00:07:28,179 --> 00:07:30,330
person, taught me
something the other day.

51
00:07:30,490 --> 00:07:35,990
She sat me down and she said, Steve,
you know babies don't get sarcasm.

52
00:07:40,070 --> 00:07:45,390
And I realized I'd been wasting my time
going up to strollers on the street and

53
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,110
saying, oh, what a cute baby.

54
00:07:47,310 --> 00:07:48,310
Whoa!

55
00:07:54,480 --> 00:08:01,440
A fun fact, a person born during the first
season of Saturday Night Live could today

56
00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:04,080
be easily dead of natural causes.

57
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:11,600
Now, you're going to see a lot of familiar
things tonight.

58
00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:17,260
Musical guest sketches, cameo appearances,
the news, and this is the monologue.

59
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,180
Traditionally, the weakest part of the
show.

60
00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:24,700
Yes, the monologue is like a
rent-controlled tenant.

61
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:28,440
It's not going anywhere, even though it
stinks.

62
00:08:29,460 --> 00:08:32,720
And there's so many members of the SNL
family here tonight.

63
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,620
The great Bill Murray is here.

64
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:43,640
We wanted to make sure that Bill would be
here tonight so we didn't invite him.

65
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,220
And David Letterman is here.

66
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:57,200
Dave, thanks for leaving the sheep at
home.

67
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:07,460
And we can't forget the writers who have
always been the heart and soul of SNL.

68
00:09:07,461 --> 00:09:10,409
In fact, let's please
have the great writers

69
00:09:10,410 --> 00:09:13,481
from the past 50 years
stand up and take a bow.

70
00:09:23,670 --> 00:09:27,690
By the way, that tribute to the writers
was written by AI.

71
00:09:29,490 --> 00:09:30,550
Oh my God!

72
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,040
I didn't know you were even going to be
here.

73
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,200
Oh, you would if you'd ever come to
rehearsal.

74
00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:40,020
By the way, congratulations on the Emmy
win.

75
00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:40,240
Nope.

76
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:41,480
Emmy nomination?

77
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:41,920
Grammy win?

78
00:09:41,921 --> 00:09:42,200
No.

79
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:42,920
Grammy nomination?

80
00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:43,340
No.

81
00:09:43,460 --> 00:09:44,060
Golden Globe win?

82
00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:44,160
No.

83
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:45,360
Golden Globe nomination?

84
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:45,920
There you go.

85
00:09:45,940 --> 00:09:46,220
Yes, sir.

86
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:46,760
Thank you.

87
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,720
You know, we writers really appreciated
that tribute.

88
00:09:49,940 --> 00:09:55,580
But I believe that the heart and soul of
this show is the celebrity hosts,

89
00:09:55,940 --> 00:09:58,180
many of whom are in this room tonight.

90
00:09:58,540 --> 00:10:02,001
You know, as I look around,
I see some of the most

91
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:06,280
difficult people I have
ever met in my entire life.

92
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:11,940
Over the course of 50 years, 894 people
have hosted Saturday Night Live.

93
00:10:12,115 --> 00:10:16,020
And it amazes me that only two of them
have committed murder.

94
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:22,645
Each week, each week, a
new celebrity host comes in

95
00:10:22,646 --> 00:10:26,020
with their own dynamic
and they throw everything off.

96
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:29,720
But not you, Steve, because you have no
dynamic.

97
00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:42,540
Ladies and gentlemen, the only Canadian
who wasn't in Schitt's Creek.

98
00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:44,940
Show it.

99
00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:48,776
But you know, wait a second.

100
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,580
I thought we were hosting together.

101
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,960
Oh, do you have your passport card on you?

102
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:55,080
No.

103
00:10:55,180 --> 00:10:56,180
Ice, get him.

104
00:10:56,340 --> 00:10:57,500
No, no.

105
00:10:57,620 --> 00:10:58,260
I'll cooperate.

106
00:10:58,460 --> 00:10:59,140
Don't take me.

107
00:10:59,420 --> 00:11:00,420
I'll name names.

108
00:11:00,580 --> 00:11:03,400
Mike Myers, Jim Carrey, Catherine O'Hara.

109
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,580
Damn you, you white-haired son of a bitch.

110
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:09,580
You know,

111
00:11:13,730 --> 00:11:16,167
Marty and I have been
working together so long

112
00:11:16,168 --> 00:11:19,030
that we can actually
finish each other's careers.

113
00:11:21,110 --> 00:11:26,630
Now, I hope that you are enjoying my
monologue tonight.

114
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:31,896
But if you aren't enjoying
it, maybe you should get

115
00:11:31,897 --> 00:11:34,870
up and take a good look
at yourself in the mirror.

116
00:11:34,871 --> 00:11:38,770
And say to yourself, what have I become?

117
00:11:39,970 --> 00:11:41,730
This can't be Steve's fault.

118
00:11:42,390 --> 00:11:46,670
And ask yourselves, when did I abandon
Joy?

119
00:11:47,690 --> 00:11:53,150
And what can I bring to the monologue as
an audience member next time?

120
00:11:54,730 --> 00:11:56,510
Alright, we've got a great show tonight.

121
00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:03,250
We have a great show.

122
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,850
Paul Simon was here, Sabrina Carpenter was
here, Bill Murray was here, David

123
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:09,410
Letterman was here, John Bellaney was
here, Martin Short.

124
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:10,720
It's called Front Loading.

125
00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:12,030
And we'll be back.

126
00:12:12,110 --> 00:12:12,590
Good night.

127
00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:13,810
Thank you.

128
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,740
Hear me now on Peacock.

129
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,000
This is PBS.

130
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:33,120
What a wonderful evening filled with so
much whimsy and wonder.

131
00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:39,000
And please give another big hand to
Florian Trunt, our body contortionist.

132
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,100
Thank you very much.

133
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,260
I am stuck.

134
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:50,080
Is it me, or did his mouth get dangerously
close to his funny cheeks?

135
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:56,900
Anyway, our next act is no stranger to our
stage, all the way from the Finger Lakes.

136
00:12:57,180 --> 00:12:58,760
It's the Maharelle Sisters.

137
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:01,140
And you know what they say about the
Finger Lakes.

138
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:07,000
At first you might only want one finger,
but soon you'll be asking for all five.

139
00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:10,700
Pardon me, there should have been a lake
in there somewhere.

140
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,860
And joining the Sisters tonight is a
special guest.

141
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:19,920
He's a handsome, young, dark-haired,
alcoholic, everyone's been talking about.

142
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:21,120
It's Robert Goulet.

143
00:13:22,740 --> 00:13:28,340
Zip, zap, zooey, zooey, dab, undie,
ba dee, ba dee, Robert Goulet.

144
00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:34,320
Hi everyone, it's me, Robert Goulet.

145
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,000
You like my motor horsey?

146
00:13:38,140 --> 00:13:41,580
Just rolled in from Oralien, Sturgis,
South Dakota.

147
00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:45,600
100 miles an hour, no bathroom breaks,
no time to stop.

148
00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:47,340
You know the rest.

149
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:52,980
Now let's get to those golden Goulet
pipes.

150
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,380
Need some woman company to get me through
the day.

151
00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:01,500
It's been so long, just me and me,
no woman, just Goulet.

152
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:05,720
If I don't see a woman soon, no telling
what I'll do.

153
00:14:06,540 --> 00:14:11,300
So dear damn God, deliver a woman,
or three, or two.

154
00:14:11,301 --> 00:14:15,320
Baddie, baddoot, baddoot, scum,
give her a baddoot.

155
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:20,240
Goulet.

156
00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:24,620
Oh my God.

157
00:14:25,540 --> 00:14:28,720
Did they put LSD in my Caesar salad or...

158
00:14:30,060 --> 00:14:33,200
Do I see three beautiful ladies
hitchhiking my way.

159
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,760
Hi Traveler.

160
00:14:39,690 --> 00:14:41,270
We want to ride.

161
00:14:41,670 --> 00:14:45,110
We'd love to sit right by your side.

162
00:14:45,111 --> 00:15:01,240
And then we hope you will decide
Which one of us will be your bride Whoa!

163
00:15:01,580 --> 00:15:02,580
Volume!

164
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:05,760
I felt that in my breast.

165
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,540
And did you say bride?

166
00:15:09,580 --> 00:15:12,400
By a guy, a Caesar salad first.

167
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:14,680
Callback.

168
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,000
I don't even know your names.

169
00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:18,280
Well, that's easy.

170
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:20,660
I'm Janice.

171
00:15:20,661 --> 00:15:22,020
Oh, Janice alert.

172
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:24,320
I'm Holly.

173
00:15:24,620 --> 00:15:25,620
Like the bush?

174
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:27,980
I'm Margaret.

175
00:15:28,380 --> 00:15:29,860
You sure are grit.

176
00:15:31,340 --> 00:15:33,420
And I'm Denise.

177
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,480
Sorry, sorry.

178
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,660
I meant to say forehead.

179
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:53,680
No.

180
00:15:54,460 --> 00:15:55,020
Did it again.

181
00:15:55,060 --> 00:15:55,620
One more try.

182
00:15:55,740 --> 00:15:56,740
Forehead.

183
00:15:57,700 --> 00:15:58,700
Just sing.

184
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:03,400
Sisters, cute as cute can be.

185
00:16:03,401 --> 00:16:07,100
Soon you'll fall for one of us three.

186
00:16:07,101 --> 00:16:10,620
We keep forgetting mom had four.

187
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,540
I came out of a different hole.

188
00:16:20,970 --> 00:16:24,165
If you're trying to do the
math on that one, when you

189
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:28,110
think of the hole it should
be, it's the one behind that.

190
00:16:29,710 --> 00:16:30,710
Okay, goodbye.

191
00:16:32,930 --> 00:16:33,990
Men get...

192
00:16:34,590 --> 00:16:35,750
Men get...

193
00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:43,010
I'll be your girlfriend.

194
00:16:45,390 --> 00:16:46,890
I'll be your lover.

195
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:50,550
I'll be your sweetheart.

196
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:55,770
I'll be this like this.

197
00:17:01,290 --> 00:17:02,290
Can

198
00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:20,260
you come over here?

199
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,700
I want to talk to you in private.

200
00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:24,820
No, no, no.

201
00:17:24,821 --> 00:17:29,520
Not, not, not those privates.

202
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:30,980
A private conversation.

203
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:33,080
There's nothing to hear down there,
believe me.

204
00:17:33,940 --> 00:17:36,860
Just go, Jesus the heck.

205
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:39,400
Let's wrap this bastard up.

206
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,440
I'll sing.

207
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:45,660
I don't know how to choose.

208
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:49,600
Normally I'm full of booze.

209
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:53,060
Just not sure how I feel.

210
00:17:53,061 --> 00:17:58,100
Then let us try to seal the deal.

211
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:00,300
With a kill.

212
00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:01,900
Oh, now we're talking.

213
00:18:02,735 --> 00:18:04,280
With a snuggle.

214
00:18:04,740 --> 00:18:05,920
Finally some comfort.

215
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:07,900
With a jiggle.

216
00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:09,780
Yes.

217
00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:13,280
Whether you'll find out.

218
00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:16,900
What is happening?

219
00:18:25,110 --> 00:18:27,090
I need to get some oral surgery done soon.

220
00:18:29,090 --> 00:18:29,890
You know what?

221
00:18:29,891 --> 00:18:31,030
I don't hate it.

222
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:32,210
I don't hate it.

223
00:18:34,010 --> 00:18:37,510
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I think I love you.

224
00:18:39,110 --> 00:18:40,630
Yes, I love you.

225
00:18:41,550 --> 00:18:43,786
And there's nothing you could say that
would change my mind.

226
00:18:43,810 --> 00:18:45,550
I put a bird in my mouth.

227
00:18:45,551 --> 00:18:46,850
Then I went to the movies.

228
00:18:46,870 --> 00:18:48,230
Then I laughed at the movie.

229
00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:49,450
Then the bird flew out.

230
00:18:49,530 --> 00:18:50,950
But the bird choked on popcorn.

231
00:18:50,951 --> 00:18:52,090
And I gave it CPR.

232
00:18:52,140 --> 00:18:56,590
And the bad raw is that bad.

233
00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:02,110
Wow, to think I almost picked Kim
Kardashian.

234
00:19:04,550 --> 00:19:05,950
Isn't love wonderful?

235
00:19:06,330 --> 00:19:08,770
And by wonderful I mean visually
upsetting.

236
00:19:09,890 --> 00:19:13,490
And thanks once again to three of the four
Maharal sisters.

237
00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:16,470
Denise, I got a motorcycle helmet made for
you.

238
00:19:16,650 --> 00:19:17,010
Come here.

239
00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:20,698
The Lawrence Welch Show is
brought to you by Stouffer's TV

240
00:19:20,699 --> 00:19:24,430
Breakfast, Silent Tammy Doll,
and Dr. Wilson's Sleeping Fudge.

241
00:19:24,710 --> 00:19:25,710
We'll be right back.

242
00:19:42,310 --> 00:19:44,390
This is Black Jeopardy.

243
00:19:50,630 --> 00:19:51,870
What up, what up?

244
00:19:52,530 --> 00:19:56,270
Welcome to Black Jeopardy, the only
Jeopardy where every single viewer fully

245
00:19:56,271 --> 00:19:58,070
understood Kendrick's halftime
performance.

246
00:19:59,270 --> 00:20:01,370
I'm your host, Darnell Hayes.

247
00:20:01,690 --> 00:20:03,870
Today's contestants are Shalice.

248
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,070
Hi.

249
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:09,800
Darius.

250
00:20:10,060 --> 00:20:11,060
Come on now.

251
00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:15,100
Oh, and look at this.

252
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:16,400
Tracy Morgan.

253
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,380
Big dog gonna make some big money.

254
00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:26,600
Now, wait a minute.

255
00:20:26,740 --> 00:20:28,500
Tracy, don't you already have a lot of
money?

256
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,316
Well, you gotta have a lot of money if
you're gonna live like I live.

257
00:20:31,340 --> 00:20:33,100
I eat four cheese lasagna.

258
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,700
If I only got three cheeses, I ain't
eating it.

259
00:20:39,940 --> 00:20:40,940
Yes, okay.

260
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:42,820
We hear you, Tracy Morgan.

261
00:20:42,821 --> 00:20:45,140
I refuse to ingest three cheeses.

262
00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:48,060
Four cheeses.

263
00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:48,660
You're right.

264
00:20:48,740 --> 00:20:49,240
Four cheeses.

265
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:50,220
We got it, Tracy Morgan.

266
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:50,720
Thank you.

267
00:20:51,020 --> 00:20:52,940
All right, let's take a look at our
categories.

268
00:20:54,290 --> 00:20:56,181
We got... Look Here.

269
00:20:57,345 --> 00:20:59,040
This Joke a Talkin' Bout.

270
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,640
Leave Bronnie Alone.

271
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,400
Man, Live From New York.

272
00:21:06,060 --> 00:21:08,060
And, as always, White People.

273
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:11,580
All right, Shanice, you're our returning
champion, so you pick.

274
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,280
Let's go with Look Here for a hundred.

275
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:15,700
Okay, to answer them.

276
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:20,020
Your 11-year-old is asking for something
while you're on the phone.

277
00:21:20,620 --> 00:21:20,900
Shanice.

278
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,500
What is Look Here?

279
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,280
You This Close.

280
00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:27,940
This Close.

281
00:21:29,060 --> 00:21:29,700
That's right.

282
00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:30,900
That is right.

283
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:34,600
That's exactly right.

284
00:21:35,185 --> 00:21:36,785
Get a little closer to see what happens.

285
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:37,120
Exactly.

286
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:38,200
All right, pick again.

287
00:21:38,420 --> 00:21:41,300
Let's go with Man For 300.

288
00:21:41,540 --> 00:21:42,540
Okay, to answer there.

289
00:21:43,100 --> 00:21:47,000
There's 30-something people at the park
wearing the same red T-shirt.

290
00:21:47,620 --> 00:21:48,100
Darius.

291
00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:49,260
What is?

292
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,160
Man, that's just a Jensen family reunion.

293
00:21:53,180 --> 00:21:53,720
That's right.

294
00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:54,360
That's right.

295
00:21:54,620 --> 00:21:54,880
Yeah.

296
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,076
Shirt got a picture of a tree on it or
something.

297
00:21:57,100 --> 00:21:58,100
I don't know.

298
00:21:58,780 --> 00:22:03,980
Speaking of family, Darius and Tracy,
y'all seem like y'all might be related.

299
00:22:04,580 --> 00:22:05,380
Well, James L.

300
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,140
Jones was my biological father.

301
00:22:09,580 --> 00:22:10,220
James L.

302
00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:13,000
Jones impregnated my mother on the set of
Cordeen.

303
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,060
On Edgecombe Avenue in Harlem.

304
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:17,880
You know what?

305
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,120
I think we might be related.

306
00:22:19,700 --> 00:22:21,300
I don't see it.

307
00:22:25,450 --> 00:22:27,870
Let's just... let's just move on.

308
00:22:28,910 --> 00:22:30,070
Darius, it's still your pick.

309
00:22:30,190 --> 00:22:32,910
Okay, let's go with Live From New York for
100.

310
00:22:33,110 --> 00:22:34,430
Okay, to answer there.

311
00:22:34,950 --> 00:22:39,470
This legendary late night show created
some of comedy's biggest stars.

312
00:22:43,970 --> 00:22:45,610
It's a sketch comedy show.

313
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:47,590
It's been on for a long time.

314
00:22:47,591 --> 00:22:48,890
Ah, Darius.

315
00:22:49,030 --> 00:22:50,130
What is it, Live In Color?

316
00:22:51,990 --> 00:22:52,990
No.

317
00:22:53,790 --> 00:22:54,790
No, I'm sorry.

318
00:22:54,850 --> 00:22:56,130
I think y'all know this, though.

319
00:22:56,290 --> 00:23:00,210
As kids, you probably stayed up late on
Saturday to watch.

320
00:23:01,010 --> 00:23:01,270
Tracy.

321
00:23:01,550 --> 00:23:03,150
What is Showtime at the Apollo?

322
00:23:04,770 --> 00:23:06,310
Featuring Sandman Sims.

323
00:23:07,850 --> 00:23:08,850
No.

324
00:23:09,570 --> 00:23:10,890
Come on, y'all really don't know?

325
00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:12,390
Hosted by Steve Harvey.

326
00:23:13,430 --> 00:23:15,070
Again, no.

327
00:23:15,071 --> 00:23:16,310
Y'all ready for your next act?

328
00:23:16,450 --> 00:23:17,550
Let me hear you say, yeah.

329
00:23:17,670 --> 00:23:18,950
This is not that.

330
00:23:20,130 --> 00:23:21,370
This is not that.

331
00:23:21,670 --> 00:23:22,670
Oh, my God.

332
00:23:22,910 --> 00:23:23,910
Shanice.

333
00:23:24,670 --> 00:23:25,670
Okay.

334
00:23:26,330 --> 00:23:27,150
Of course.

335
00:23:27,350 --> 00:23:30,230
This show's been on every Saturday for
years, right, Darnell?

336
00:23:30,690 --> 00:23:31,210
Yes.

337
00:23:31,355 --> 00:23:33,890
And it's got a host and a musical guest,
right?

338
00:23:34,670 --> 00:23:35,190
Yes.

339
00:23:35,290 --> 00:23:35,870
Okay, okay.

340
00:23:36,050 --> 00:23:38,830
Can I say the famous catch phrase that
opens the show?

341
00:23:39,370 --> 00:23:40,370
Well, go ahead.

342
00:23:41,430 --> 00:23:43,070
It's Soul Train.

343
00:23:44,050 --> 00:23:45,050
No.

344
00:23:45,490 --> 00:23:48,470
Now, y'all know the answer is Saturday
Night Live.

345
00:23:49,590 --> 00:23:51,390
What is Saturday Night Live?

346
00:23:52,250 --> 00:23:52,950
Now, come on, Daris.

347
00:23:52,951 --> 00:23:54,031
I just gave you the answer.

348
00:23:54,130 --> 00:23:57,350
No, I'm asking, what is Saturday Night
Live?

349
00:23:57,630 --> 00:23:58,630
I don't know that.

350
00:23:59,390 --> 00:24:00,390
It's Sunday Live.

351
00:24:00,970 --> 00:24:01,450
SNL.

352
00:24:01,950 --> 00:24:03,230
It's a sketch comedy show.

353
00:24:03,590 --> 00:24:05,210
It's been on for 50 years.

354
00:24:05,850 --> 00:24:07,150
What day do they tape on?

355
00:24:10,510 --> 00:24:11,510
Saturday.

356
00:24:12,190 --> 00:24:13,330
It's in the name.

357
00:24:13,610 --> 00:24:16,070
Now, Tracy, you were on it with Tina Fey.

358
00:24:16,950 --> 00:24:18,010
What is study rock?

359
00:24:19,370 --> 00:24:20,450
You know what?

360
00:24:21,090 --> 00:24:21,830
I tell you what.

361
00:24:21,870 --> 00:24:23,570
Let's just hear about today's sponsors.

362
00:24:23,810 --> 00:24:24,810
Johnny.

363
00:24:24,890 --> 00:24:25,550
Thanks, Darnell.

364
00:24:25,890 --> 00:24:28,470
Today's Black Jeopardy is sponsored by a
plate.

365
00:24:28,630 --> 00:24:30,430
Now you don't have to say, fix me a plate.

366
00:24:30,590 --> 00:24:31,650
You've already got one.

367
00:24:31,810 --> 00:24:32,810
With a plate.

368
00:24:33,050 --> 00:24:36,250
And by a tin of Danish butter cookies or a
sewing kit.

369
00:24:36,350 --> 00:24:37,130
Which one is it?

370
00:24:37,190 --> 00:24:38,790
You'll have to open it to find out.

371
00:24:38,791 --> 00:24:40,810
And by Who All Gon' Be There?

372
00:24:41,070 --> 00:24:43,465
The invitation app for
all your events, parties,

373
00:24:43,466 --> 00:24:45,550
barbecues, or just
meeting back at the spot.

374
00:24:45,690 --> 00:24:48,470
Before you pull up, always know who all
gon' be there.

375
00:24:48,850 --> 00:24:49,850
Back to you, Darnell.

376
00:24:50,170 --> 00:24:51,170
Yeah.

377
00:24:51,270 --> 00:24:52,750
You gotta know who all gon' be there.

378
00:24:52,830 --> 00:24:53,110
Yeah.

379
00:24:53,850 --> 00:24:55,486
All right, let's stick with Live from New
York.

380
00:24:55,510 --> 00:24:58,950
And to help, here is a special guest clue
from Mr. Chris Rock.

381
00:24:59,830 --> 00:25:00,830
Thank you.

382
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:07,060
Hey, Darnell, it's an honor to be here on
Black Jeopardy.

383
00:25:07,430 --> 00:25:12,980
I've been a fan of the show since the 70s
when it was called Momma's Got Questions.

384
00:25:14,460 --> 00:25:17,680
Okay, now some of y'all might remember me
from Saturday Night Live.

385
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,340
I was the black guy who came after Eddie
Murphy.

386
00:25:21,860 --> 00:25:25,400
You know, that's kind of like being the
point guard after Stephen Curry.

387
00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:30,660
Okay, here's your clue about SNL.

388
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:35,840
This religious character has made people
laugh for years.

389
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,400
Who is my dear?

390
00:25:39,460 --> 00:25:42,300
No, that is not Tyler Perry.

391
00:25:42,420 --> 00:25:44,100
Can't you see that she is white?

392
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:54,680
Now, I heard a fellow could win some money
here, and I know exactly who that is.

393
00:25:54,681 --> 00:25:56,360
The church lady.

394
00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:59,760
Yes, yes, that is correct, Doug.

395
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:00,640
Thank you.

396
00:26:00,641 --> 00:26:01,920
That is the church lady.

397
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:03,280
$400 for you.

398
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:04,280
Well, thank you.

399
00:26:04,445 --> 00:26:06,500
Now, speaking of church, can I say
something?

400
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:12,100
If more folks went to church, we wouldn't
be in this mess we're in now.

401
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:13,756
You know what I agree with you,
Doug.

402
00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:14,956
I like to shake your hand, sir.

403
00:26:14,980 --> 00:26:15,980
Here we go.

404
00:26:16,460 --> 00:26:17,460
Oh, no, no.

405
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:18,080
Oh, no, no.

406
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:19,320
It's just a handshake.

407
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:20,360
Yeah, it's just a handshake.

408
00:26:20,620 --> 00:26:21,000
Yeah, all right.

409
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:22,616
You're welcome at Black Jeopardy any time.

410
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:23,480
Oh, well, all right.

411
00:26:23,540 --> 00:26:25,500
Well, thank you, my brother.

412
00:26:26,210 --> 00:26:31,340
Now, maybe I'll start a show for you to
come on, and we'll call it White Jeopardy.

413
00:26:31,620 --> 00:26:32,620
We don't need it.

414
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:34,120
We don't need it.

415
00:26:34,580 --> 00:26:36,060
Let's slow it down a little bit,
Doug.

416
00:26:36,300 --> 00:26:37,860
All right, we're going to take a break.

417
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,380
When we return to Black
Jeopardy, we will see if

418
00:26:40,381 --> 00:26:42,820
anyone has watched any
of this year's Oscar movies.

419
00:26:43,340 --> 00:26:44,040
I doubt it.

420
00:26:44,340 --> 00:26:45,440
We'll see you.

421
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:51,800
Tonight

422
00:27:01,660 --> 00:27:06,880
is a celebration of classic moments, but
SNL will always have that contrarian edge.

423
00:27:07,420 --> 00:27:10,740
Never wanting to do anything that feels
too obvious, too on the nose.

424
00:27:19,005 --> 00:27:20,005
Who are you?

425
00:27:20,580 --> 00:27:22,420
What's your age and your name?

426
00:27:22,620 --> 00:27:28,440
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Sally
O'Malley.

427
00:27:33,450 --> 00:27:39,310
I'm proud to say I'm 50 years old,
just like Saturday Night Live.

428
00:27:40,350 --> 00:27:43,404
Now, listen, Emma, she's
not one of those gals who's

429
00:27:43,444 --> 00:27:46,710
afraid to tell her real
age, and she likes to kick!

430
00:27:50,290 --> 00:27:51,690
Strong kick!

431
00:27:52,250 --> 00:27:53,450
She's 50!

432
00:27:53,850 --> 00:27:54,850
50 years old!

433
00:28:00,500 --> 00:28:03,630
So please enjoy this video
celebrating 50 years of

434
00:28:03,631 --> 00:28:12,280
physical comedy on SNL
while we kick, stretch, and kick!

435
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:29,120
Look, uh, Lauren, I'm not going to do the
fall.

436
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:29,800
I'm sorry.

437
00:28:30,020 --> 00:28:32,500
The whole point of this sketch is to
showcase your fall.

438
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:34,660
People expect to see you fall.

439
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:36,320
It's a tradition.

440
00:28:44,700 --> 00:28:46,260
No, absolutely not.

441
00:28:46,420 --> 00:28:48,180
I'm not doing it, and I want to tell you
why.

442
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:53,720
One, two, three, and turn, and...

443
00:28:54,460 --> 00:28:56,100
Here's you, here's Matt!

444
00:28:56,300 --> 00:28:59,593
There's you, there's.

445
00:29:07,983 --> 00:29:10,550
..

446
00:29:31,380 --> 00:29:33,501
Mary Catherine...
Mary Catherine!

447
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,160
I do gymnastics.

448
00:29:36,161 --> 00:29:37,600
Mary, Mary, stop!

449
00:29:38,500 --> 00:29:39,640
Mary, Mary, stop!

450
00:29:50,460 --> 00:29:51,580
Control yourself!

451
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:52,880
Oh, I've been training.

452
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:06,440
Say what?

453
00:30:15,950 --> 00:30:18,370
You're making me very uncomfortable.

454
00:30:19,050 --> 00:30:19,650
No, I'm not.

455
00:30:19,930 --> 00:30:20,930
You kind of are.

456
00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:28,820
Yeah, I could eat a whole bottle.

457
00:30:29,660 --> 00:30:31,580
Yeah, I could eat a whole bottle,
too.

458
00:30:36,540 --> 00:30:38,340
Don't even try to...

459
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:43,760
Now, I guess... Jesus Christ.

460
00:31:07,060 --> 00:31:08,640
Put the dickens out of my finger.

461
00:31:08,780 --> 00:31:11,380
Well, I'm glad in a way this happened,
you know.

462
00:31:11,780 --> 00:31:14,260
I will have you expelled if you do not sit
down.

463
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:15,860
I sing my song.

464
00:31:16,860 --> 00:31:19,140
You're going to spoof the whole.

465
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:20,700
Do be careful.

466
00:31:20,980 --> 00:31:21,220
What?

467
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,080
No one is who they appear to be.

468
00:31:33,750 --> 00:31:35,070
It's in my mouth.

469
00:31:35,250 --> 00:31:36,510
How much blood you got?

470
00:31:36,670 --> 00:31:37,330
You know what?

471
00:31:37,450 --> 00:31:38,450
Apparently a lot.

472
00:31:38,530 --> 00:31:40,810
I'll stop bleeding if you open your mouth.

473
00:31:44,260 --> 00:31:46,040
I'm going to go to sleep now.

474
00:31:46,180 --> 00:31:47,340
Bon appétit.

475
00:32:45,990 --> 00:32:47,810
You know, it's funny.

476
00:32:49,450 --> 00:32:51,330
Do you need a Kleenex?

477
00:32:51,350 --> 00:32:52,350
No, I got it.

478
00:32:53,150 --> 00:32:54,150
Anyway...

479
00:32:56,590 --> 00:33:01,170
When our daughter Kelsey told us that she
and Matt wanted to do a bowel renewal,

480
00:33:01,650 --> 00:33:04,870
we were a little surprised since they've
only been married less than a year.

481
00:33:05,190 --> 00:33:06,510
But, hey...

482
00:33:07,730 --> 00:33:10,030
What's another 70 grand at Best Western?

483
00:33:12,990 --> 00:33:17,590
And I just want to say, congratulations,
you guys.

484
00:33:17,730 --> 00:33:19,270
Drinks for everyone.

485
00:33:19,670 --> 00:33:20,910
Alpin Bar!

486
00:33:22,190 --> 00:33:23,310
I apologize.

487
00:33:23,370 --> 00:33:25,210
My wife is doing Wet February.

488
00:33:25,310 --> 00:33:27,330
Oh, yes, I am.

489
00:33:33,970 --> 00:33:39,410
Anyway... Kelsey and Matt... May
you, I want to say, let me take the ring.

490
00:33:39,430 --> 00:33:39,950
Sure.

491
00:33:40,310 --> 00:33:41,310
Anytime.

492
00:33:43,390 --> 00:33:48,430
May you have a marriage as loving and
passionate as daddy and me.

493
00:33:48,790 --> 00:33:49,790
Oh, baby.

494
00:33:49,890 --> 00:33:50,330
Look at you.

495
00:33:50,331 --> 00:33:51,331
How about you?

496
00:33:55,310 --> 00:33:56,850
Am I having fun?

497
00:34:01,570 --> 00:34:02,570
Okay.

498
00:34:04,830 --> 00:34:05,870
Weird speech.

499
00:34:07,010 --> 00:34:12,110
So for those of you who don't know me,
I'm Sophie, the bride's childhood bestie.

500
00:34:12,270 --> 00:34:15,026
I couldn't make it to the wedding because
I was unfortunately in prison.

501
00:34:15,050 --> 00:34:17,630
You got so skitty in jail, girl.

502
00:34:17,710 --> 00:34:18,890
I know, right?

503
00:34:18,910 --> 00:34:20,170
I couldn't eat the food.

504
00:34:22,390 --> 00:34:27,010
Anyway... I'd love to invite up Kelsey's
best friends, AKA the Kel Squad.

505
00:34:28,630 --> 00:34:32,130
So instead of a speech, we're going to do
something different for y'all,

506
00:34:32,270 --> 00:34:36,110
because we're a little bit basic,
a little bit toxic.

507
00:34:37,570 --> 00:34:41,670
So as some of you know, we took Kelsey to
New York City to celebrate the vow renewal.

508
00:34:42,135 --> 00:34:43,911
Matt said it had to be
a day trip because he

509
00:34:43,912 --> 00:34:46,711
doesn't trust Kelsey
on overnights anymore.

510
00:34:47,910 --> 00:34:48,910
Guilty as charged.

511
00:34:49,690 --> 00:34:51,250
Seriously, though, I love strong women.

512
00:34:52,230 --> 00:34:56,810
While in New York, we got blackout drunk
and went too wicked.

513
00:34:57,550 --> 00:35:00,370
So Matt and Kelsey, this is for you.

514
00:35:17,130 --> 00:35:18,690
A dragny lady.

515
00:35:21,250 --> 00:35:24,030
And Matt has gone to the gym.

516
00:35:24,550 --> 00:35:29,130
Kelsey has made a commitment, so guess
what this just is.

517
00:35:29,310 --> 00:35:34,710
She swears she's gonna try monogamy.

518
00:35:35,570 --> 00:35:40,930
She's finally learned what is monogamy.

519
00:35:41,250 --> 00:35:43,590
And we will hold her down.

520
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:56,940
We will not learn anything else.

521
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:57,780
Really?

522
00:35:57,860 --> 00:35:59,440
Cause a lot more happened.

523
00:36:00,460 --> 00:36:01,900
Oh my god, Tara!

524
00:36:02,140 --> 00:36:03,140
She's doing Tara!

525
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:09,480
After the show, it's Madame Tussauds in
Times Square.

526
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:13,280
There's a wax key on the reeves,
but Kelsey doesn't care.

527
00:36:13,650 --> 00:36:17,960
It's clear that Kelsey's mind is
elsewhere.

528
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:20,120
What were you thinking about?

529
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,640
My friends are singing.

530
00:36:23,820 --> 00:36:27,680
Next up, we take a petty cab in Central
Park.

531
00:36:27,681 --> 00:36:31,560
Kelsey says there is a giant hole in my
heart.

532
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:38,500
She throws a coin into a fountain and then
She whispers I wish I could be with him.

533
00:36:39,780 --> 00:36:47,780
We all know she's talking about Domingo
Even though she can't be with New York And

534
00:36:47,781 --> 00:36:52,800
she screams to the sky The one she's
looking for is this home letting guy.

535
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:55,420
Kelsey can not let

536
00:37:03,610 --> 00:37:10,470
I said DC Open relationship Where

537
00:37:14,620 --> 00:37:16,180
the kitchen renovation going?

538
00:37:17,420 --> 00:37:18,540
Wait, you guys know Domingo?

539
00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:19,780
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

540
00:37:19,900 --> 00:37:22,600
He was my primary care physician.

541
00:37:22,860 --> 00:37:24,880
And Domingo, do you know that you were
right?

542
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,560
I do have Hashimoto's.

543
00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:31,980
God, I can't believe Domingo is at another
major life event of mine.

544
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:33,980
Don't worry, Matt, we got you.

545
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:35,080
What's up?

546
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:36,440
Yeah.

547
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:37,880
Thanks, yeah.

548
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:40,880
Reception's lit.

549
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:45,280
As many as you know, we're Matt's
groomsmen, aka the doormats.

550
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:50,740
We took Matt on a golf trip to the real
city that never sleeps, Scottsdale, Arizona.

551
00:37:51,180 --> 00:37:53,180
Which is also our hometown.

552
00:37:54,340 --> 00:37:55,820
And our names.

553
00:37:58,240 --> 00:38:00,840
These are the three Scots, and I'm Dale.

554
00:38:02,300 --> 00:38:03,300
Scottsdale!

555
00:38:04,820 --> 00:38:10,280
And let's just say, to play 18 holes,
we needed a little espresso.

556
00:38:16,060 --> 00:38:24,060
The groomsmen had a local staycation Cause
we've been hit hard by inflation And we

557
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:32,080
knew Matt needs a break from Kelsey Just
kidding, Kels, your marriage is healthy

558
00:38:32,620 --> 00:38:35,220
Wait, what even is this song?

559
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:43,300
Now we're team up on seven ounce shots
Paddy's name, Ronaldo Take a golf cart to

560
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:51,920
the condo Matt invites Ronaldo We go to
bed, Matthew does not He's on...

561
00:38:51,921 --> 00:38:53,540
Sophie, were you on the guy's trip?

562
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,700
Oh, well, you know, I'm pretty sick of
girls after prison.

563
00:38:56,890 --> 00:38:59,800
And I'm sorry, I'm sorry, who is Ronaldo?

564
00:38:59,801 --> 00:39:03,060
Don't worry, honey, Ronaldo is in my past.

565
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:04,840
Matthew, I'm here.

566
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:14,800
Hey man, hey, hey man Came all this way,
had to explain Direct from Ronaldo

567
00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:21,800
Matthew's my guy, said he's not high But
we did hook up though What?

568
00:39:27,690 --> 00:39:30,110
I'm sorry, you two know each other?

569
00:39:30,350 --> 00:39:32,510
Of course, we are brothers!

570
00:39:32,690 --> 00:39:37,670
I'm the older brother And I'm the younger
brother And I'm the hot brother

571
00:39:40,950 --> 00:39:43,570
Hi, Santiago Santiago?

572
00:39:43,970 --> 00:39:46,450
Wait, mom, dad, how do you know him?

573
00:39:47,330 --> 00:39:51,780
Well, I did the kitchen
renovation and then I had

574
00:39:51,781 --> 00:39:55,610
sex with a wife How are
you feeling, Santiago?

575
00:40:02,570 --> 00:40:06,710
Came all this way, had to explain Direct
from Domingo

576
00:40:35,085 --> 00:40:42,510
And now, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy
Looking back over 50 years, we treasure

577
00:40:42,511 --> 00:40:47,890
the laughs, the friendships, the fond
memories But the real treasure was how

578
00:40:51,250 --> 00:40:55,350
much money we were
making NBC and Peacock

579
00:40:55,351 --> 00:41:00,251
Ladies and gentlemen,
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler!

580
00:41:05,780 --> 00:41:06,880
What a night!

581
00:41:07,510 --> 00:41:13,040
Well, even after 50 years, there are still
things about SNL that people don't know So

582
00:41:13,041 --> 00:41:18,260
we are here to answer any questions people
still have about the show Don't be shy,

583
00:41:18,340 --> 00:41:21,840
just raise your hand Yes, Quinta Brunson
Hi!

584
00:41:22,020 --> 00:41:23,020
Hey!

585
00:41:27,140 --> 00:41:29,825
Quinta Brunson here
First off, I'm going to

586
00:41:29,826 --> 00:41:32,381
say, you ladies look
great What's your secret?

587
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:40,160
Wow, thank you for asking that question we
wrote I'm wearing a 3D printed mask of my

588
00:41:40,161 --> 00:41:45,720
younger self And my face is all natural,
but full disclosure, this is the back of

589
00:41:45,721 --> 00:41:51,340
my head I flipped my hair and started over
I love that Well, it's working for you,

590
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:57,960
baby girl Anyway, I am an SNL superfan My
question is kind of a deep cut In the

591
00:41:58,135 --> 00:42:04,360
March 18th, 1993 Good Nights Tim Meadows
whispered something to musical guest Sade

592
00:42:05,020 --> 00:42:06,100
What was he saying?

593
00:42:06,450 --> 00:42:10,280
Oh wow, let's find out, Tim Tim,
do you remember what you were saying?

594
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:12,140
Oh yeah, wow

595
00:42:17,390 --> 00:42:23,390
Thank you Yeah, if it was March 93,
I'm pretty sure I was saying Hey Sade,

596
00:42:23,490 --> 00:42:25,810
you want to drink some Zima with me in my
dressing room?

597
00:42:26,430 --> 00:42:34,230
We can play Mortal Kombat 1 and watch the
new Cool Mendez trial That's exactly what

598
00:42:34,330 --> 00:42:39,750
I thought, thank you so much Thank you,
thank you Oh yeah, also it worked by the

599
00:42:39,751 --> 00:42:43,691
way, Sade and I are still
together That's awesome,

600
00:42:43,692 --> 00:42:46,050
that's awesome Who else,
who else has a question?

601
00:42:46,170 --> 00:42:49,950
I have a question Oh, hi, Ryan Reynolds,
hey, hey

602
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:54,360
Reynolds, how's it going?

603
00:42:54,740 --> 00:42:56,420
Great, why, what have you heard?

604
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:07,020
Yeah, okay, my question is that,
you know that the materials that they made

605
00:43:07,220 --> 00:43:09,940
the cone heads with, are those edible?

606
00:43:10,580 --> 00:43:16,240
No, no, and based on them being made in
1975, I'd assume that they're highly toxic

607
00:43:16,290 --> 00:43:21,240
Oh, oh, okay, so somebody, you know,
hypothetically took a couple of nibbles

608
00:43:21,241 --> 00:43:25,120
backstage and got excited Should they go
to the hospital or should they...

609
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:29,760
Yes, they should go to the hospital right
away Good Good luck Great Okay,

610
00:43:30,450 --> 00:43:38,450
next question Yeah, I have a question Yes,
there it is When I hosted this show,

611
00:43:38,610 --> 00:43:42,290
there was a woman who pulled me behind a
little curtain and took my pants off.

612
00:43:42,370 --> 00:43:43,850
Does she work here?

613
00:43:45,590 --> 00:43:47,450
Is she a blonde woman with a stopwatch?

614
00:43:47,830 --> 00:43:51,410
Yeah, she put her arm around my waist and
kind of picked me up and shook me till my

615
00:43:51,411 --> 00:43:55,170
shoes fell off Like, did I dream that or
is that...

616
00:43:55,171 --> 00:43:57,350
No, that's Donna, come out here,
Donna

617
00:44:12,730 --> 00:44:19,990
has been dressing every host since 1997
She has seen every celebrity here in their

618
00:44:19,991 --> 00:44:24,670
underpants Donna, I know it's hard to
pick, but who was your favorite host?

619
00:44:24,671 --> 00:44:26,970
Jason Momoa Okay

620
00:44:32,170 --> 00:44:34,770
Next question was submitted by a viewer

621
00:44:43,450 --> 00:44:47,790
I'm not mad, I just want to know why,
ladies

622
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:57,920
Okay, so Lovitz fan is actual John Lovitz
Okay, well John, I know the seating chart

623
00:44:58,020 --> 00:45:02,060
was really hard to figure out and you were
going to be seated in the studio But then

624
00:45:02,061 --> 00:45:05,420
Julia Louis-Dreyfus asked to bring her
service dog, so...

625
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:12,000
Yeah, sorry John, it's a medical thing.

626
00:45:12,020 --> 00:45:13,620
You really need that dog, right,
Julia?

627
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:16,660
Oh, no, no, no, I'm here for him.

628
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:26,840
He's blind So, Ricky, the blonde woman who
you just talked, that's Amy Poehler And

629
00:45:27,330 --> 00:45:33,039
the older woman next to her is
Tina Fey And the intense energy

630
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:41,000
that you're feeling to your
left is Adam Driver He's an...

631
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:46,661
He's an absolutely incredible
actor and right now he's

632
00:45:46,662 --> 00:45:52,340
acting like he's not attracted
to me How you doing?

633
00:45:52,360 --> 00:46:01,520
This is my puppy here Yeah,
all right Okay, all right, let's hear!

634
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:09,460
You have a question No, I don't I got a
lot of answers Hey!

635
00:46:09,461 --> 00:46:10,461
A

636
00:46:14,140 --> 00:46:16,240
couple of you after the show, okay,
next question.

637
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:17,640
Yes, Keith Richards

638
00:46:25,750 --> 00:46:29,974
I left a scarf here in
1988 and I'm kind of

639
00:46:29,975 --> 00:46:34,000
wondering if anybody's
seen it around A scarf?

640
00:46:34,260 --> 00:46:35,720
Yeah, it's in 1998?

641
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,820
Well, I thought that's a long time ago,
I don't know I don't think so,

642
00:46:38,821 --> 00:46:42,080
I'm not sure Look, it's simply not here,
okay?

643
00:46:43,100 --> 00:46:44,340
Can we all just stop looking?

644
00:46:44,380 --> 00:46:47,600
Next question All right, okay,
okay.

645
00:46:47,830 --> 00:46:50,120
Yes, Jon Hamm Yeah, hey guys

646
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:55,980
This might be a weird question
because I've hosted three

647
00:46:55,981 --> 00:47:00,740
times and I know I'm part
of the family, but am I funny?

648
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:02,560
What?

649
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:02,940
Funny?

650
00:47:03,500 --> 00:47:03,860
What?

651
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,000
Funny?

652
00:47:06,180 --> 00:47:08,913
Whenever we ask you
to do a bit, you always

653
00:47:08,914 --> 00:47:13,860
say yes, and that's what
matters Next question.

654
00:47:14,050 --> 00:47:17,924
Oh, Bad Bunny Well,
I'm going to ask the same

655
00:47:17,925 --> 00:47:23,280
thing, so I'm going to ask
it in Spanish Am I funny?

656
00:47:24,460 --> 00:47:27,780
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes You are very funny.

657
00:47:28,180 --> 00:47:35,940
You might have been in the news,
but don't say that to Jon Hamm Okay,

658
00:47:36,740 --> 00:47:38,320
okay, that's going to be our secret.

659
00:47:39,185 --> 00:47:46,360
Don't worry All right, yes Next question,
Seth Yeah, hey, hi guys.

660
00:47:46,580 --> 00:47:49,820
It kind of feels like this whole
question-and-answer thing is just a way

661
00:47:50,145 --> 00:47:52,317
for you guys to give
some airtime to celebrities

662
00:47:52,318 --> 00:47:55,960
who aren't in other parts
of the show Oh, really?

663
00:47:55,961 --> 00:47:57,201
It doesn't seem that way to me.

664
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,140
What do you think, Reverend Al Sharpton
and Ray Romano?

665
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:10,200
It seems very natural to us Really,
don't be so cynical, Seth.

666
00:48:10,260 --> 00:48:14,660
We're having a nice time here There you go
All right, yeah, Jason Momoa, yeah,

667
00:48:14,661 --> 00:48:19,080
Jason Momoa Yeah, this Donnie lady,
she liked to travel.

668
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:20,400
What's her vibe?

669
00:48:22,180 --> 00:48:23,180
Well, that's her.

670
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:24,700
Okay, good to know.

671
00:48:25,975 --> 00:48:27,580
Freddie Hi, I'm Fred Armisen.

672
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:32,460
Thanks, thank you Thanks, you guys.

673
00:48:33,140 --> 00:48:37,000
My question is, do you know why Lauren cut
Vampire Office?

674
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:39,320
What?

675
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:45,160
Well, in 2005, I wrote a sketch called
Vampire Office and it played pretty well

676
00:48:45,161 --> 00:48:50,380
at dress and it didn't get on air Okay,
I guess maybe other sketches did better?

677
00:48:50,740 --> 00:48:54,820
No, it was a pretty bad show, front to
back I don't know.

678
00:48:55,140 --> 00:48:57,380
Okay, well, maybe he
just didn't like it Well, do

679
00:48:57,381 --> 00:49:00,001
you know if he saw the
changes I was gonna make?

680
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:05,120
Because I cut the beat where Finesse comes
in as Simon Cowell and...

681
00:49:05,121 --> 00:49:06,960
Wait, are you holding the sketch right
now?

682
00:49:06,961 --> 00:49:07,961
Yeah.

683
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:10,240
Do you think I should resubmit it?

684
00:49:10,900 --> 00:49:12,420
Sure, yeah Great.

685
00:49:12,720 --> 00:49:17,420
Next time, Spacey hosts A

686
00:49:26,460 --> 00:49:31,000
hundred more questions Yes, yes,
Peyton Manning Yes, is...

687
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:36,640
Is Lauren gonna retire now?

688
00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:39,880
No, I don't think so Okay, that's great
news.

689
00:49:41,070 --> 00:49:42,070
Lauren, never retire.

690
00:49:42,540 --> 00:49:48,080
It's brutal out here They had me doing all
these commercials, insurance, beer...

691
00:49:48,081 --> 00:49:52,160
I did one the other day for something
called Fan Fight Power Monster 3 I wanna

692
00:49:52,161 --> 00:49:56,440
know what the hell it is I just assumed it
was a video game but then in the last

693
00:49:56,441 --> 00:50:03,840
voiceover I said now and diet chili flavor
I hate being retired Okay, okay No,

694
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:08,940
seriously, Lauren, getting old sucks You
feel like such a loser Galifianakis knows

695
00:50:08,941 --> 00:50:11,840
what I'm talking about Please stop
bothering me.

696
00:50:12,110 --> 00:50:35,620
I just wanna relax and
watch Kanye perform Hello?

697
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:37,980
Bowflex Andor What's up, dude?

698
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:39,800
Hey, are you going to the 50th?

699
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:41,400
No, actually, I don't think I can.

700
00:50:41,420 --> 00:50:42,560
I'm not gonna go What?

701
00:50:42,940 --> 00:50:44,020
What are you talking about?

702
00:50:44,340 --> 00:50:45,080
It's gonna be incredible.

703
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:46,960
Everyone on Earth is gonna be there I
know.

704
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,840
It's just... Honestly, it stresses me out
too much What do you mean?

705
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:50,960
Come on, Andy.

706
00:50:52,600 --> 00:51:00,600
You know SNL gives me anxiety Bowen,
listen I know you're anxious Just looking

707
00:51:00,601 --> 00:51:08,600
at the 30 rock side And when you're inside
it gets worse But there is one thing That

708
00:51:08,601 --> 00:51:14,000
you gotta keep in mind So we're gonna
press rewind Let's go back in time Young

709
00:51:14,001 --> 00:51:19,040
Danny Aykroyd, basso-matic He looks so
fine and fancy-free But the reality was

710
00:51:19,041 --> 00:51:25,280
quite tragic He suffered from anxiety
Jesus, what was that?

711
00:51:25,380 --> 00:51:28,040
I don't know what you're talking about
That's the footage exactly as it aired

712
00:51:28,041 --> 00:51:32,760
Skip to the 80s, Eddie Murphy And Mr.
Robinson's neighborhood He was the star of

713
00:51:32,761 --> 00:51:40,280
the show each Saturday But he suffered the
anxiety A few years later, Billy Crystal

714
00:51:40,281 --> 00:51:45,140
Was saying you look marvelous But one
thing wasn't marvelous Yet exciting

715
00:51:51,100 --> 00:51:56,798
Cause everyone That ever
worked at SNL had anxiety You are

716
00:51:56,799 --> 00:52:02,060
not alone, my friend And we
also all have ideas Wait, what?

717
00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:06,200
Oh yeah, tell him, Sarah The brain to gut
connection All is a complex and

718
00:52:06,201 --> 00:52:11,840
bidirectional A communication between The
central nervous system and your butt So

719
00:52:11,841 --> 00:52:14,671
when you're watching SNL
Just imagine everyone you

720
00:52:14,672 --> 00:52:19,800
see Right before the show
went to the bathroom Right

721
00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:59,660
But come on guys, we have perspective We
know these are champagne problems I mean

722
00:52:59,661 --> 00:53:04,540
it's not like we're working in a coal mine
But here's the secret It's way worse than

723
00:53:04,541 --> 00:53:08,400
working in a coal mine It's more dangerous
than working in a coal mine We would love

724
00:53:08,401 --> 00:53:12,080
to be working in a coal mine Just look at
these coal miners drinking sweet tea They

725
00:53:12,081 --> 00:53:16,500
never had to get notes from Lorne See
underneath the bleachers with Lorne You're

726
00:53:16,501 --> 00:53:20,120
proving my point, that sounds good to you
Yeah, now that I hear it, I might skip it

727
00:53:20,121 --> 00:53:23,880
too Cause in the end, you gotta take care
of yourself A mature decision for our

728
00:53:23,881 --> 00:53:31,640
mental health But what if they forget
about me Don't forget my If I don't go to

729
00:53:31,641 --> 00:53:38,500
the show Will I disappear Or will I fall
to the bottom Of the best cast members Of

730
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:46,680
all time lists Cause real foretaste You
know what, I'm in, same Cause everyone I

731
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:56,000
get it now That ever worked at SNL Had
anxiety Populate the waiting rooms Of half

732
00:53:56,001 --> 00:54:03,060
the therapists In New York City Every
single person who ever worked at SNL Had

733
00:54:03,061 --> 00:54:09,200
anxiety Every single person who ever
worked at SNL Had anxiety Every single

734
00:54:09,201 --> 00:54:15,580
person who ever worked at SNL Had anxiety
It's a challenging place But we love it

735
00:54:16,580 --> 00:54:21,020
Stress streams for the
rest of your life We're

736
00:54:21,021 --> 00:54:25,581
like bugs to the flame
But it burns so good

737
00:54:35,530 --> 00:54:38,650
Ladies and gentlemen, Miley Cyrus And
Brittany Howard

738
00:55:03,700 --> 00:55:11,700
It's been 7 hours and 13 days Since you
took your love away

739
00:55:19,260 --> 00:55:27,260
I go out every night And I sleep all day
Since you took your love away

740
00:55:34,980 --> 00:55:42,980
And since you've been gone, I can do
whatever I want Yeah, I can see whoever I

741
00:55:50,060 --> 00:55:58,060
choose I can eat my dinner at a fancy
restaurant Oh, but nothing Oh,

742
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:07,320
nothing can take away these blues Cause
nothing compares

743
00:56:22,720 --> 00:56:26,830
Oh, nothing, nothing
Brittany Howard It's been

744
00:56:26,831 --> 00:56:32,920
so lonely without you
here Without a soul Nothing

745
00:56:41,560 --> 00:56:49,560
can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me, baby, where did I go wrong

746
00:57:08,810 --> 00:57:14,630
Doctor, guess what he told me,
guess what he told me He said,

747
00:57:15,050 --> 00:57:21,690
girl, you better try to have fun No matter
what you do, but he's a fool

748
01:00:23,050 --> 01:00:29,130
Well, it is an honor and a thrill to be
hosting Weekend Update for the 50th,

749
01:00:29,131 --> 01:00:32,350
and if it was up to our president,
final, season of SNL.

750
01:00:33,570 --> 01:00:36,942
It is incredible that
SNL is still going after all

751
01:00:36,943 --> 01:00:40,030
this time, and I'm just
talking about tonight's show.

752
01:00:44,090 --> 01:00:48,990
There are so many famous hosts and musical
guests here tonight that some huge names

753
01:00:49,190 --> 01:00:54,290
actually have to watch from Studio 8G next
door, as well as from the Metropolitan

754
01:00:54,465 --> 01:00:55,790
Detention Center in Brooklyn.

755
01:00:58,690 --> 01:01:00,350
Oh, you went to the parties.

756
01:01:00,630 --> 01:01:01,630
Okay.

757
01:01:02,510 --> 01:01:06,290
Saturday Night Live has
won 95 Emmys, one Grammy,

758
01:01:06,291 --> 01:01:10,750
three Peabodies, and has
over 100 Tonys on the crew.

759
01:01:14,030 --> 01:01:15,630
I'm kidding, but you know what?

760
01:01:15,631 --> 01:01:19,110
Let's actually take a moment to thank
those hard-working crew guys.

761
01:01:26,990 --> 01:01:31,030
Also, I would like to congratulate them
all on their January 6th pardons.

762
01:01:31,230 --> 01:01:32,430
Good to have you back, fellas.

763
01:01:35,380 --> 01:01:36,180
A lot of Tonys.

764
01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:37,280
A lot of Tonys.

765
01:01:37,580 --> 01:01:40,640
Health experts are facing increased
pressure this winter in the face of

766
01:01:40,715 --> 01:01:46,361
outbreaks of COVID, the flu, RSV, and
norovirus, which they're calling a quodemic.

767
01:01:46,520 --> 01:01:48,727
So we did the smart
thing and packed every

768
01:01:48,728 --> 01:01:52,421
beloved entertainer over
60 into one tiny space.

769
01:01:56,240 --> 01:02:01,600
SNL's first major cast change was in
Season 2, when Chevy Chase left the show

770
01:02:01,750 --> 01:02:03,600
and was replaced by Kenan Thompson.

771
01:02:08,190 --> 01:02:11,510
You know, me and Kyle are actually the
longest-serving Weekend Update anchors.

772
01:02:11,710 --> 01:02:13,230
I've done Weekend Update for so long.

773
01:02:13,270 --> 01:02:15,870
Next season, I'm co-hosting with my son,
Brawny.

774
01:02:17,650 --> 01:02:20,247
And since the 40th,
we've lost the late, great

775
01:02:20,248 --> 01:02:23,471
Norm McDonald, who
hosted Weekend Update.

776
01:02:24,270 --> 01:02:25,270
That's right.

777
01:02:26,750 --> 01:02:29,233
Norm McDonald, who
hosted Weekend Update until

778
01:02:29,234 --> 01:02:31,410
he was fired from
making jokes about O.J.

779
01:02:31,550 --> 01:02:33,850
Simpson, and he's obviously one of my
heroes.

780
01:02:34,010 --> 01:02:37,531
So if you're watching up there, I
just want to say we love you, O.J.

781
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:47,540
Well, right now, in here to tell us her
thoughts on all of it is the girl you wish

782
01:02:47,541 --> 01:02:49,580
you hadn't started a conversation with at
a party.

783
01:02:54,660 --> 01:02:57,580
Um, no, it's not anything different about
me.

784
01:02:57,640 --> 01:02:58,640
Oh, are you pregnant?

785
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:00,400
Wow.

786
01:03:00,480 --> 01:03:02,280
You just assume I'm pregnant.

787
01:03:02,660 --> 01:03:04,520
Just because I have a baby inside me.

788
01:03:04,600 --> 01:03:06,120
That's misogynastic.

789
01:03:07,140 --> 01:03:08,180
Well, congratulations.

790
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:10,680
We're so happy for you, and it's nice to
see you.

791
01:03:10,780 --> 01:03:12,360
Oh, is it nice, Michael?

792
01:03:12,840 --> 01:03:15,920
Yeah, is it nice to be on the verge of the
apocalypse?

793
01:03:17,210 --> 01:03:18,210
It's devastating.

794
01:03:18,880 --> 01:03:21,220
It's a constipational crisis.

795
01:03:21,820 --> 01:03:23,060
Literally, for me.

796
01:03:23,061 --> 01:03:27,540
I was like, do I even want to bring a baby
into this world, or should I just,

797
01:03:27,800 --> 01:03:30,120
like, keep her in here for another three
and a half years?

798
01:03:30,340 --> 01:03:31,660
I don't think you can do that.

799
01:03:32,160 --> 01:03:35,140
Oh, oh, I guess you know more than my
OBGNY.

800
01:03:36,300 --> 01:03:38,460
Do a research, Michael.

801
01:03:39,440 --> 01:03:43,760
Fact, 90% of babies born today will never
know who your father is.

802
01:03:43,980 --> 01:03:44,980
My father?

803
01:03:45,340 --> 01:03:49,620
Three out of four kids get bullied,
and only two of them deserve it.

804
01:03:49,860 --> 01:03:50,380
What?

805
01:03:50,381 --> 01:03:55,561
And there are people in
Africa right now... Was that it?

806
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:58,240
Yeah, there are people there now.

807
01:03:58,241 --> 01:03:59,396
You should know that, Michael.

808
01:03:59,420 --> 01:04:00,420
Read a phone.

809
01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:04,660
So, can I do... can I do Elon's salute
really quick?

810
01:04:04,760 --> 01:04:05,880
No, no, don't do that.

811
01:04:05,881 --> 01:04:07,320
Okay, fine, fine, but hold this.

812
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:08,820
I had to do his dance for work.

813
01:04:09,500 --> 01:04:11,100
All right, I'm sorry, where do you work?

814
01:04:11,180 --> 01:04:13,080
I'm the press secretary at the White
House.

815
01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:18,900
It's just like, if people are so angry
about DEI, it's like, we'll stop drinking

816
01:04:19,100 --> 01:04:20,100
and driving.

817
01:04:21,240 --> 01:04:22,240
Bettina!

818
01:04:22,320 --> 01:04:22,840
Bettina!

819
01:04:23,100 --> 01:04:24,420
Who are you talking to?

820
01:04:24,520 --> 01:04:25,260
That's Bettina.

821
01:04:25,300 --> 01:04:26,540
She's a horrible person.

822
01:04:27,340 --> 01:04:29,840
It's like, at least now we have some good
people in charge.

823
01:04:30,260 --> 01:04:36,160
Like, everyone's mad that RF Carl's Jr. is
a NEPO baby, but his brain worm earned it.

824
01:04:36,320 --> 01:04:37,820
It ate its way to the top.

825
01:04:37,821 --> 01:04:39,060
Oh, my God.

826
01:04:39,061 --> 01:04:45,200
In collusion, it's like, why is no one
talking about Luigi one-man Gioni?

827
01:04:48,540 --> 01:04:51,020
Yeah, I just blew Michael Che.

828
01:04:51,180 --> 01:04:52,180
You're welcome.

829
01:04:53,420 --> 01:04:54,320
Well, thank you.

830
01:04:54,440 --> 01:04:56,160
And by the way, can I ask who the father
is?

831
01:04:56,400 --> 01:04:58,040
You sure can.

832
01:05:02,330 --> 01:05:03,410
Huge reveal.

833
01:05:03,630 --> 01:05:04,130
Oh, my God.

834
01:05:04,430 --> 01:05:05,430
Huge reveal.

835
01:05:05,990 --> 01:05:08,010
Drunko, you two are together?

836
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:10,730
Yep, we're just a typical Hollywood
couple.

837
01:05:10,950 --> 01:05:14,690
You know, beautiful woman in her thirties,
drunk idiot in his seventies.

838
01:05:15,665 --> 01:05:17,530
So you're really gonna be a dad?

839
01:05:17,630 --> 01:05:19,990
Hey, you know, if Alec Baldwin can do it.

840
01:05:21,190 --> 01:05:25,310
You know, when I was a kid, you know,
everyone was pregnant.

841
01:05:25,810 --> 01:05:26,190
Okay?

842
01:05:26,790 --> 01:05:29,850
It went, high school baby married Vietnam
jab, you hate!

843
01:05:31,690 --> 01:05:32,170
Okay?

844
01:05:32,410 --> 01:05:37,750
But nowadays, it's just... Oh, I'm sorry,
can you yassify my chickpea pasta?

845
01:05:40,550 --> 01:05:44,410
Excuse me, excuse me, are these flair
jeans AI?

846
01:05:45,990 --> 01:05:50,730
Oh great, oh great, we're in a brave new
world.

847
01:05:51,370 --> 01:05:52,970
Not my Captain America.

848
01:06:02,820 --> 01:06:05,380
You ripped my buns.

849
01:06:05,480 --> 01:06:06,860
I ripped your buns off.

850
01:06:07,400 --> 01:06:10,540
If I could turn back time.

851
01:06:11,640 --> 01:06:12,680
Yeah, fuck.

852
01:06:15,960 --> 01:06:16,620
Oh my god.

853
01:06:16,680 --> 01:06:18,000
I ripped your shirt.

854
01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:19,920
That's okay, drunk uncle.

855
01:06:20,120 --> 01:06:22,100
So I'm not Landshark, okay?

856
01:06:24,740 --> 01:06:28,660
So I'm not Brian Fellow, Safari Planet,
okay?

857
01:06:29,960 --> 01:06:34,500
So I'm not musical guest, Timothée
Chalamet.

858
01:06:37,650 --> 01:06:40,370
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger,
cheeseburger, cheeseburger.

859
01:06:40,810 --> 01:06:42,530
Right, yes, right, from the seventies.

860
01:06:42,531 --> 01:06:45,430
And no, I misplaced four cheeseburgers.

861
01:06:46,390 --> 01:06:49,350
Okay, well, drunk uncle, I'm sorry,
but I think you might be too drunk.

862
01:06:49,570 --> 01:06:51,810
Yeah, I tried to tackle Paul Simon.

863
01:06:53,700 --> 01:06:56,730
But I missed, and now Sabrina Carpenter's
dead.

864
01:06:57,950 --> 01:07:00,730
Drunk uncle and girl at a party,
everyone.

865
01:07:01,290 --> 01:07:04,450
Here comes the girl at a party called
Bettina.

866
01:07:04,930 --> 01:07:05,930
Bettina.

867
01:07:06,170 --> 01:07:06,650
Bettina.

868
01:07:07,050 --> 01:07:09,350
And now, we will throw it over to you,
Seth.

869
01:07:09,410 --> 01:07:10,410
Thank you, Amy.

870
01:07:10,510 --> 01:07:11,970
I really appreciate it.

871
01:07:12,630 --> 01:07:16,490
You know, it's important that we spend
some time tonight talking about Lorne

872
01:07:16,491 --> 01:07:18,850
Michaels, and no one knows him better than
our next guest.

873
01:07:18,990 --> 01:07:22,490
Please welcome Lorne's best friends from
Growing Up.

874
01:07:27,480 --> 01:07:30,020
Hi guys, so you know him better than
anyone.

875
01:07:30,300 --> 01:07:31,740
What's Lorne really like?

876
01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:32,900
Oh, he's the best.

877
01:07:32,940 --> 01:07:34,240
He's like relaxed and chill.

878
01:07:34,260 --> 01:07:36,340
Yeah, he's super down-to-earth and
approachable.

879
01:07:36,440 --> 01:07:37,660
Like, we just love him.

880
01:07:37,661 --> 01:07:38,160
We love him.

881
01:07:38,280 --> 01:07:38,940
He's our buddy.

882
01:07:38,941 --> 01:07:39,860
He's our honey Lorne.

883
01:07:39,861 --> 01:07:40,861
Totally, yeah.

884
01:07:42,960 --> 01:07:49,460
I will say, sometimes he can be a little
rude.

885
01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:50,060
Yeah, yeah.

886
01:07:50,340 --> 01:07:53,200
Like a month ago, he asked us to help him
move.

887
01:07:53,340 --> 01:07:54,880
And we're like, sure, of course.

888
01:07:54,940 --> 01:07:57,140
Help him move, have like a little dinner,
whatever.

889
01:07:57,260 --> 01:08:02,460
So, we get there, Lorne opens the door,
and he's like, oh, you two.

890
01:08:02,660 --> 01:08:04,240
And we're like, what?

891
01:08:04,660 --> 01:08:06,200
You invited us.

892
01:08:06,380 --> 01:08:07,360
He invited us to be here.

893
01:08:07,361 --> 01:08:10,140
So, we look around, nothing's packed.

894
01:08:10,380 --> 01:08:10,920
Nothing's packed.

895
01:08:11,380 --> 01:08:12,400
We're like, what?

896
01:08:12,580 --> 01:08:14,420
You haven't even started yet?

897
01:08:14,820 --> 01:08:20,140
Okay, then he starts pointing at paintings
and saying like, oh, this is from Steve.

898
01:08:20,360 --> 01:08:21,360
This is from Paul.

899
01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:22,420
This is from Mick.

900
01:08:22,460 --> 01:08:24,660
Yeah, and it's like, does he be Mick
Jagger?

901
01:08:24,740 --> 01:08:25,740
Just say it.

902
01:08:25,741 --> 01:08:26,980
Just say Mick Jagger.

903
01:08:27,840 --> 01:08:29,920
I'm sorry, you guys have to speak up.

904
01:08:29,940 --> 01:08:31,340
I don't think anybody can hear you.

905
01:08:31,960 --> 01:08:34,820
But also, it does sound like maybe Lorne
can be a little difficult.

906
01:08:34,821 --> 01:08:35,880
No, no, no, no.

907
01:08:36,180 --> 01:08:37,180
He's our best friend.

908
01:08:37,760 --> 01:08:41,120
He's like, easy breezy, crazy kind,
like all of it.

909
01:08:42,780 --> 01:08:48,660
I will say, he can be kind of like
inconsiderate.

910
01:08:49,020 --> 01:08:52,940
Like, we're packing his stuff for hours,
and he's gone.

911
01:08:53,340 --> 01:08:58,080
And he comes back, and I'm like,
oh, hey, like, which bathroom can I use?

912
01:08:58,240 --> 01:09:01,860
And he goes, there's a Starbucks across
the street.

913
01:09:02,940 --> 01:09:07,040
But you have to buy something first,
so get me a latte?

914
01:09:08,480 --> 01:09:09,480
What?

915
01:09:09,860 --> 01:09:11,980
We're helping you move.

916
01:09:12,760 --> 01:09:15,240
Again, you guys have to speak up.

917
01:09:16,900 --> 01:09:20,420
But it seems like maybe you guys aren't
that good of friends with him.

918
01:09:20,580 --> 01:09:21,680
No, no, no, no.

919
01:09:21,780 --> 01:09:22,140
He's our best friend.

920
01:09:22,141 --> 01:09:22,840
He's our person.

921
01:09:23,060 --> 01:09:23,720
He's like our person.

922
01:09:23,721 --> 01:09:25,220
My first phone call, my emergency contact.

923
01:09:25,240 --> 01:09:27,400
He gets all my organs if I die.

924
01:09:27,460 --> 01:09:29,280
Like, I love him so much.

925
01:09:30,760 --> 01:09:32,580
But anyway, it's like, it's nighttime.

926
01:09:34,340 --> 01:09:38,080
And he's like, I'm going to dinner,
keep at it.

927
01:09:38,360 --> 01:09:43,420
And we're like, we've been packing your
stuff all day, where are we supposed to eat?

928
01:09:43,780 --> 01:09:48,220
And he goes, by the way, you two look,
I don't think you need help finding food.

929
01:09:49,640 --> 01:09:50,120
What?

930
01:09:50,500 --> 01:09:51,980
Are we fat?

931
01:09:52,380 --> 01:09:53,440
What is he saying?

932
01:09:54,240 --> 01:09:55,780
You can't talk to us like that.

933
01:09:55,820 --> 01:09:57,100
We are friends from going...

934
01:09:57,101 --> 01:10:00,566
And then he goes, he goes,
you guys had a problem

935
01:10:00,567 --> 01:10:03,640
with me from the moment
you walked in here.

936
01:10:03,980 --> 01:10:07,380
You didn't ask me how my day was or notice
my haircut.

937
01:10:07,700 --> 01:10:10,160
You don't understand how much pressure I'm
under.

938
01:10:10,620 --> 01:10:12,900
NBC is breathing down my neck.

939
01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:18,340
PNAC is making a hundred documentaries and
they don't even give me a free membership.

940
01:10:18,600 --> 01:10:21,818
Guys, I can barely hear
you, but it sounds like you

941
01:10:21,819 --> 01:10:23,760
have a deeply dysfunctional
relationship with him.

942
01:10:23,940 --> 01:10:25,360
No, no, no, no.

943
01:10:25,361 --> 01:10:27,780
It's kind of like how you feel about Colin
and Che.

944
01:10:27,900 --> 01:10:29,640
Oh, come on, no, I love Colin and Che.

945
01:10:29,760 --> 01:10:30,760
They're the best.

946
01:10:31,460 --> 01:10:36,760
I will say, like, I do feel like their
chemistry is like a work in progress.

947
01:10:38,035 --> 01:10:39,260
Seth Meyers, everybody!

948
01:10:39,340 --> 01:10:41,680
Lauren Betts has been growing up,
everybody.

949
01:10:47,810 --> 01:10:51,150
Well, you guys, if you may have seen in
the lead up to the 50th anniversary,

950
01:10:51,460 --> 01:10:54,690
there have been a lot of SNL-related lists
and rankings.

951
01:10:55,090 --> 01:10:59,650
Here with his ranking of the best weekend
update anchors of all time is former

952
01:10:59,850 --> 01:11:00,930
update anchor Bill Murray.

953
01:11:02,690 --> 01:11:08,160
Thank you, Colin.

954
01:11:09,140 --> 01:11:10,830
Let's just jump right in.

955
01:11:11,620 --> 01:11:16,620
In honor of Black History Month,
I want to start by ranking the

956
01:11:16,770 --> 01:11:19,930
African-American weekend update anchors.

957
01:11:24,980 --> 01:11:30,480
We'll start with number one, and this is
by default... Michael Che.

958
01:11:35,750 --> 01:11:39,770
Now we'll move on to the regular weekend
update anchors.

959
01:11:40,170 --> 01:11:40,630
Regular?

960
01:11:40,770 --> 01:11:42,010
What do you mean, regular?

961
01:11:43,510 --> 01:11:49,090
These are in no particular order,
so I've listed them from worst to best.

962
01:11:50,695 --> 01:11:55,177
First off, I have to
disqualify myself because my

963
01:11:55,178 --> 01:11:59,150
entire time here I was on
performance-enhancing drugs.

964
01:12:00,090 --> 01:12:06,571
It's what we call an 8H shaker, Quaaludes,
cocaine, and nighttime theraflue.

965
01:12:08,370 --> 01:12:09,370
Number ten.

966
01:12:09,930 --> 01:12:16,490
He's one of the all-time greats,
Mr. Colin Quinn.

967
01:12:21,770 --> 01:12:23,090
Had you for a second.

968
01:12:23,290 --> 01:12:24,290
No, don't worry.

969
01:12:26,110 --> 01:12:27,810
Numbers nine, eight, and seven.

970
01:12:27,811 --> 01:12:30,070
Okay, heads up.

971
01:12:31,390 --> 01:12:32,770
Kevin Nealon, come on.

972
01:12:34,710 --> 01:12:35,910
Janice Miller.

973
01:12:37,670 --> 01:12:38,930
And Seth Meyers.

974
01:12:41,490 --> 01:12:46,150
I just wish we had the time tonight to say
something nice about any of them.

975
01:12:47,230 --> 01:12:49,310
We actually do probably have enough time.

976
01:12:49,450 --> 01:12:51,070
Yeah, we're right here at six now,
okay?

977
01:12:52,030 --> 01:12:54,350
Alright, Colin, this could be you,
huh?

978
01:12:55,030 --> 01:12:56,030
Is it?

979
01:12:57,400 --> 01:12:58,430
No, it is not.

980
01:12:59,510 --> 01:13:00,970
The next two are controversial.

981
01:13:01,200 --> 01:13:02,200
This was tough.

982
01:13:03,535 --> 01:13:11,410
But I'm gonna put Tina and Amy just ahead
of Tina and Jimmy, okay?

983
01:13:12,570 --> 01:13:16,170
I'm sorry, Jimmy, I'm sorry, and
congratulations, Tina.

984
01:13:17,350 --> 01:13:20,411
It was close, but I
checked online, and girl

985
01:13:20,412 --> 01:13:22,911
on girl is still, like,
very, very popular.

986
01:13:25,090 --> 01:13:33,090
Okay, next up, Cornelius Crane Chase,
who we've all come to know as Connie.

987
01:13:34,490 --> 01:13:38,870
Let's face it, weekend updates simply
would not exist without him.

988
01:13:39,370 --> 01:13:43,810
So it would be wrong to have him listed at
anywhere but number four.

989
01:13:47,350 --> 01:13:53,030
Number three, Jane Curtin and Danny
Ackroyd.

990
01:13:55,470 --> 01:14:00,200
The true story, I was the first to call
Jane an ignorant slut.

991
01:14:01,835 --> 01:14:05,522
Backstage, Danny
had the brilliant idea to

992
01:14:05,523 --> 01:14:10,611
say it on camera and
really, really mean it.

993
01:14:11,550 --> 01:14:14,710
Number two is Norm MacDonald.

994
01:14:20,290 --> 01:14:24,070
He may have been the best ever,
but more importantly, he made me,

995
01:14:24,130 --> 01:14:31,370
for one, ask the question of myself,
could O.J.

996
01:14:31,750 --> 01:14:33,190
possibly have done it?

997
01:14:45,900 --> 01:14:47,700
So that brings us to number one.

998
01:14:47,701 --> 01:14:50,900
Colin, got a good feeling about this.

999
01:14:51,940 --> 01:14:53,940
Okay, number one is funny.

1000
01:14:54,800 --> 01:14:56,440
He's got a great smile.

1001
01:14:57,620 --> 01:15:00,048
And he's currently
sleeping every kind of way

1002
01:15:00,049 --> 01:15:02,400
with the lovely actress
Scarlett Johansson.

1003
01:15:02,550 --> 01:15:06,300
Of course, I'm talking about my brother,
Brian Boyle Burr.

1004
01:15:12,850 --> 01:15:15,730
I'm told he's a very, very considerate
lover.

1005
01:15:16,290 --> 01:15:16,890
That's it.

1006
01:15:17,050 --> 01:15:18,290
I couldn't be happier to be here.

1007
01:15:18,310 --> 01:15:19,650
Bill Murray, everybody!

1008
01:15:33,890 --> 01:15:35,250
Thank you all for coming.

1009
01:15:35,530 --> 01:15:37,250
I'm General Fairfax with the U.S.

1010
01:15:37,430 --> 01:15:38,430
Space Force.

1011
01:15:39,030 --> 01:15:40,710
This is Dr. Tyler from SETI.

1012
01:15:41,230 --> 01:15:47,131
We are eager to talk to you as you have
all experienced a verified alien abduction.

1013
01:15:47,910 --> 01:15:49,050
This is wild.

1014
01:15:50,570 --> 01:15:53,930
One minute, we're three friends slamming
Miller Tallboys behind a Dollar Tree.

1015
01:15:54,010 --> 01:15:55,590
Now we're sitting at the Pentagon.

1016
01:15:56,660 --> 01:16:00,616
Hey, I've been meaning
to ask, like, why do you

1017
01:16:00,617 --> 01:16:04,790
call it the Pentagon when
it's only got five sides?

1018
01:16:05,910 --> 01:16:09,470
Because a shape with five sides is called
the Pentagon.

1019
01:16:11,080 --> 01:16:12,650
I don't think that's right.

1020
01:16:14,250 --> 01:16:15,010
We'll look into it.

1021
01:16:15,030 --> 01:16:18,250
Now, let's start with how you were all
brought aboard this spacecraft.

1022
01:16:18,350 --> 01:16:23,710
Well, this beam of light appeared from the
bottom of the ship, floated me up like a

1023
01:16:24,010 --> 01:16:25,270
soft hand beckoning me.

1024
01:16:26,150 --> 01:16:27,150
Same, same.

1025
01:16:27,610 --> 01:16:35,430
And we met these two beautiful glowing
aliens who took our hands and said, welcome.

1026
01:16:36,050 --> 01:16:38,030
I've never felt so safe.

1027
01:16:39,190 --> 01:16:40,790
And you, Ms. Rafferty?

1028
01:16:42,390 --> 01:16:45,110
Yeah, a little different for me.

1029
01:16:45,690 --> 01:16:51,410
I was less cradled by light and more
grabbed by a giant rusty claw,

1030
01:16:51,770 --> 01:16:54,230
which yanked me right out of my slacks.

1031
01:16:54,610 --> 01:16:56,750
So I'm pantsless, right?

1032
01:16:56,810 --> 01:17:00,010
I'm folded in half like a wallet,
nips to knees.

1033
01:17:00,690 --> 01:17:05,830
I'm getting winched skyward with my vagity
and my tragedy flapping in the breeze.

1034
01:17:06,590 --> 01:17:09,270
And I'm tossed into the bottom of the
ship.

1035
01:17:09,271 --> 01:17:13,590
I see my old pals, the gray aliens with
the big dumb eyes.

1036
01:17:14,850 --> 01:17:18,530
Ms. Rafferty, I'm told this is your fifth
time being abducted by these gray aliens?

1037
01:17:19,150 --> 01:17:20,150
Yeah.

1038
01:17:20,690 --> 01:17:25,010
Only other place I've been pantsless five
times is Six Flags.

1039
01:17:26,350 --> 01:17:28,230
Okay, well, let's move past that.

1040
01:17:28,490 --> 01:17:30,790
Now, what happened next in the upper part
of the ship?

1041
01:17:31,130 --> 01:17:36,070
Well, the smart aliens bathed us in this
glowing liquid that erased all my pain.

1042
01:17:36,071 --> 01:17:37,870
My bad knee didn't even hurt.

1043
01:17:38,610 --> 01:17:41,490
I busted a few years back playing
paintball.

1044
01:17:43,130 --> 01:17:44,130
Competitive.

1045
01:17:46,610 --> 01:17:51,390
Okay, don't know why you winked at me
after saying that, but let's continue.

1046
01:17:51,830 --> 01:17:54,130
Were you also bathed in this light,
sir?

1047
01:17:55,135 --> 01:17:56,150
Yes, ma'am.

1048
01:17:56,690 --> 01:18:02,630
It felt better than any drug, including
the ones I'm on right now.

1049
01:18:03,830 --> 01:18:08,390
Okay, see, now that really tweaks my
cheeks, because down in steerage,

1050
01:18:08,990 --> 01:18:10,370
the mood was tense.

1051
01:18:11,390 --> 01:18:11,550
Strange.

1052
01:18:11,610 --> 01:18:13,770
Now, what do you think could have caused
this reaction?

1053
01:18:14,130 --> 01:18:16,512
Well, between you, me,
and Jesus C, I think it

1054
01:18:16,513 --> 01:18:19,151
had to do with the state
of my down-there hair.

1055
01:18:19,750 --> 01:18:23,230
Because remember, I'm Donald Duck in it,
okay?

1056
01:18:23,231 --> 01:18:24,250
Shirt, no pants.

1057
01:18:24,830 --> 01:18:28,310
So my poke bowl and my smokey hole are
out.

1058
01:18:29,810 --> 01:18:32,990
And, pubically speaking, nature has
reclaimed the earth.

1059
01:18:34,130 --> 01:18:36,732
Last time I had a
Brazilian down there, it was

1060
01:18:36,772 --> 01:18:39,290
2002, his name was Diego,
and he got strep throat.

1061
01:18:41,930 --> 01:18:45,010
I don't know, who mows the lawn in winter,
am I right?

1062
01:18:47,250 --> 01:18:47,730
Amen.

1063
01:18:47,990 --> 01:18:51,230
Okay, I'll ask you maybe not to say amen
to that kind of comment.

1064
01:18:52,190 --> 01:18:55,215
Miss Rafferty, I'm failing
to see what your unkempt

1065
01:18:55,265 --> 01:18:58,270
private area has to do
with the alien's demeanor.

1066
01:18:59,270 --> 01:19:02,430
Okay, my theory is, I think they thought
it was an animal.

1067
01:19:03,390 --> 01:19:04,766
Because, wait, Kermit, do you mind?

1068
01:19:04,790 --> 01:19:05,790
Here, look.

1069
01:19:05,890 --> 01:19:09,410
First, they didn't know if it was
friendly, so they're cautious,

1070
01:19:09,510 --> 01:19:13,230
and they're kind of... They're
going up, tapping it, and then going...

1071
01:19:14,490 --> 01:19:19,070
And then, then the alpha comes in,
and he challenges it, right?

1072
01:19:19,071 --> 01:19:20,350
He goes like this.

1073
01:19:25,440 --> 01:19:28,840
And then, so he gives a thumbs up,
like, we're good.

1074
01:19:28,960 --> 01:19:29,680
It's tame.

1075
01:19:29,840 --> 01:19:31,860
And then, whoa, it's play time.

1076
01:19:31,980 --> 01:19:33,860
And then one of them, sorry, Dusty,
do you mind?

1077
01:19:33,960 --> 01:19:38,960
One of them comes up under it,
puts it on like a wig.

1078
01:19:40,240 --> 01:19:42,620
He's doing this, he's like doing prop
comedy.

1079
01:19:42,880 --> 01:19:49,101
And then another one, he's trying to, he's
trying to, he's like wrestling with it.

1080
01:19:49,280 --> 01:19:52,640
Like it's his brother pulling me all
around the room.

1081
01:19:53,300 --> 01:19:57,200
So I look down, I see a guy between my
legs with a smile on his face,

1082
01:19:57,201 --> 01:20:00,020
and I'm like, I don't know, first time for
everything.

1083
01:20:03,060 --> 01:20:03,440
Amen.

1084
01:20:03,680 --> 01:20:06,500
Okay, again, not a thing to say amen to.

1085
01:20:07,860 --> 01:20:11,640
Anyway, this goes on about 15 minutes
until who comes through the door?

1086
01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:14,280
But my friggin' mother, Colleen Senior.

1087
01:20:14,530 --> 01:20:18,440
Yes, we actually had some questions for
her as well.

1088
01:20:18,720 --> 01:20:20,780
I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

1089
01:20:31,100 --> 01:20:34,460
Sorry, sorry, my bathroom break took
longer than I thought.

1090
01:20:34,620 --> 01:20:37,080
My number one turned into a number three.

1091
01:20:40,640 --> 01:20:42,280
Mega MILF alert.

1092
01:20:42,940 --> 01:20:43,980
Sir, let's not.

1093
01:20:44,220 --> 01:20:47,420
Now, Mrs. Rafferty, you had been abducted
earlier that same evening.

1094
01:20:47,570 --> 01:20:52,380
Yep, us Rafferty gals, we always attracted
the freaks.

1095
01:20:53,680 --> 01:20:55,854
For years I thought
Colleen's father was part

1096
01:20:55,855 --> 01:20:58,940
alien, but turns out he
was just uncircumcised.

1097
01:21:06,030 --> 01:21:06,370
Amen.

1098
01:21:06,990 --> 01:21:09,550
You gotta stop, please stop.

1099
01:21:10,590 --> 01:21:10,890
Stop.

1100
01:21:10,990 --> 01:21:15,610
Anyways, I still had my pants on when they
took me.

1101
01:21:16,060 --> 01:21:22,050
But that was good, because much like her,
I got into the woods sort of a situation.

1102
01:21:23,410 --> 01:21:28,870
My ex used to say that it was like trying
to hack his way through the black forest.

1103
01:21:30,110 --> 01:21:32,950
Okay, I feel like we're off track.

1104
01:21:34,130 --> 01:21:39,510
You said that after arriving on the ship,
the aliens lost interest and quote,

1105
01:21:39,800 --> 01:21:40,800
stuck you in a closet?

1106
01:21:41,190 --> 01:21:43,190
Yeah, yeah, can you believe that?

1107
01:21:43,715 --> 01:21:49,190
I mean, I'm used to being stuffed into
closets, but it's usually, you know,

1108
01:21:49,191 --> 01:21:51,610
when the guy's wife comes home late or
something.

1109
01:21:52,570 --> 01:21:53,930
Or early, or whatever.

1110
01:21:54,930 --> 01:22:00,770
Anyway, so I'm... All of a sudden
I hear them screaming, this one.

1111
01:22:01,450 --> 01:22:06,450
And so I just kind of bust out of that...

1112
01:22:07,530 --> 01:22:11,190
I just bust out, and I just kick those
little...

1113
01:22:11,590 --> 01:22:13,510
I just kick those little pervs away.

1114
01:22:13,750 --> 01:22:15,810
Wow, you are a good mama.

1115
01:22:16,190 --> 01:22:16,550
Yeah.

1116
01:22:17,150 --> 01:22:21,070
Well, a good mother can also be a bad
girl.

1117
01:22:28,920 --> 01:22:30,360
What's your name, mustache?

1118
01:22:30,500 --> 01:22:33,980
Okay, can we not do any of that right now,
please?

1119
01:22:35,140 --> 01:22:37,260
How did you all exit the spacecraft?

1120
01:22:38,840 --> 01:22:41,700
That same softfly picked me up and placed
me back in my bed.

1121
01:22:42,400 --> 01:22:43,400
Me, too.

1122
01:22:44,240 --> 01:22:48,700
That light even tucked me in, which was so
thoughtful of it.

1123
01:22:49,720 --> 01:22:52,300
And how did you two depart the spacecraft?

1124
01:22:53,100 --> 01:22:55,373
Well, in the past I've
just been pushed out of a

1125
01:22:55,374 --> 01:22:58,061
hatch, but this time
that's what happened, too.

1126
01:23:01,560 --> 01:23:05,760
Yeah, but my pants got snagged on a piece
of metal, so they're gone.

1127
01:23:06,110 --> 01:23:12,061
And then, as for underwear, underwear-wise,
you know, this devil wears nada.

1128
01:23:17,390 --> 01:23:23,010
Basically, we just kind of as a free fall
for 40 feet with our carpets and our

1129
01:23:23,160 --> 01:23:24,450
tarpets on full display.

1130
01:23:25,310 --> 01:23:26,870
We crashed through a ceiling.

1131
01:23:27,050 --> 01:23:29,950
We land ass up on top of Phil McDermott.

1132
01:23:30,230 --> 01:23:31,230
Yeah.

1133
01:23:31,365 --> 01:23:33,290
And who is Phil McDermott?

1134
01:23:33,690 --> 01:23:38,630
He's a gentleman whose family I bet wish
they went with the clothes casket funeral.

1135
01:23:42,270 --> 01:23:44,950
Not the worst thing my mom and I have done
in a church.

1136
01:23:45,250 --> 01:23:48,830
Okay, let's please, let's not finish that
story at all.

1137
01:23:48,870 --> 01:23:50,010
Thank you for your candor.

1138
01:23:50,190 --> 01:23:52,306
We're going to take you for some
psychological tests now.

1139
01:23:52,330 --> 01:23:53,570
Oh, we'll save you the trouble.

1140
01:23:53,790 --> 01:23:54,790
Fail.

1141
01:24:10,030 --> 01:24:11,030
That's a wrap.

1142
01:24:12,330 --> 01:24:12,970
It was early.

1143
01:24:13,070 --> 01:24:14,270
You owe me 50 bucks.

1144
01:24:14,590 --> 01:24:15,270
Oh, young man.

1145
01:24:15,271 --> 01:24:16,271
Oh, my God.

1146
01:24:16,430 --> 01:24:17,430
Lorraine Newman.

1147
01:24:17,610 --> 01:24:20,390
Would you mind keeping this studio open a
few minutes longer?

1148
01:24:20,730 --> 01:24:21,730
Of course.

1149
01:24:22,110 --> 01:24:23,210
Take as long as you need.

1150
01:24:34,770 --> 01:24:35,970
Oh, God.

1151
01:24:37,310 --> 01:24:38,350
50 years.

1152
01:24:40,330 --> 01:24:41,390
Excuse me?

1153
01:24:42,390 --> 01:24:42,910
What up?

1154
01:24:43,110 --> 01:24:44,390
Oh, you startled me.

1155
01:24:44,430 --> 01:24:44,870
That's all.

1156
01:24:44,910 --> 01:24:45,910
I thought I was alone.

1157
01:24:46,490 --> 01:24:47,490
I'm Lorraine.

1158
01:24:49,430 --> 01:24:50,430
Newman.

1159
01:24:50,790 --> 01:24:51,790
Okay.

1160
01:24:51,830 --> 01:24:52,830
What's your name?

1161
01:24:53,070 --> 01:24:53,410
Chad.

1162
01:24:53,710 --> 01:24:54,710
Well, hi, Chad.

1163
01:24:54,870 --> 01:24:56,290
I'm sorry to disturb you.

1164
01:24:56,350 --> 01:24:58,370
I just, I used to work here.

1165
01:25:00,130 --> 01:25:01,590
Back when the show first started.

1166
01:25:02,890 --> 01:25:03,370
Hey.

1167
01:25:03,710 --> 01:25:04,290
Oh, Chad.

1168
01:25:04,670 --> 01:25:07,006
Chad, do you think maybe you could take a
five-minute break?

1169
01:25:07,030 --> 01:25:09,510
I was hoping to have a quiet moment in
here.

1170
01:25:10,350 --> 01:25:11,350
Okay.

1171
01:25:12,515 --> 01:25:14,590
Actually, would you join me?

1172
01:25:14,850 --> 01:25:16,370
It might be nice to have some company.

1173
01:25:16,590 --> 01:25:17,590
Okay.

1174
01:25:23,320 --> 01:25:24,620
Wow, look at us.

1175
01:25:24,621 --> 01:25:25,621
Look at our clothes.

1176
01:25:26,640 --> 01:25:26,920
Gay.

1177
01:25:27,240 --> 01:25:28,620
God, I was so young.

1178
01:25:28,940 --> 01:25:30,440
But you know what I had back in 1975?

1179
01:25:31,440 --> 01:25:32,040
Big ass bush?

1180
01:25:32,460 --> 01:25:33,460
No, Chad.

1181
01:25:33,940 --> 01:25:34,940
I had ambition.

1182
01:25:34,980 --> 01:25:37,800
We all did, but God, we were terrified.

1183
01:25:39,320 --> 01:25:43,040
I think that's why we clung to each other
like we did, which of course created its

1184
01:25:43,041 --> 01:25:45,560
own problems with all the partying and the
sex.

1185
01:25:45,860 --> 01:25:46,380
Oh, what up?

1186
01:25:46,530 --> 01:25:48,180
Oh, I was wild.

1187
01:25:48,260 --> 01:25:50,480
I would have been all over you back then.

1188
01:25:51,560 --> 01:25:51,760
Gay.

1189
01:25:52,020 --> 01:25:53,400
But I'm not like that anymore.

1190
01:25:53,620 --> 01:25:54,620
Okay.

1191
01:25:54,780 --> 01:25:56,040
Chad, would you do me a favor?

1192
01:25:56,660 --> 01:25:57,380
Do me.

1193
01:25:57,500 --> 01:25:59,300
Would you put a follow spot on me?

1194
01:25:59,460 --> 01:26:03,180
I just want to feel what it's like to walk
onto that stage one more time.

1195
01:26:03,580 --> 01:26:04,580
Okay.

1196
01:26:07,265 --> 01:26:08,265
I'm ready, Chad.

1197
01:26:12,800 --> 01:26:13,800
My bad.

1198
01:26:15,340 --> 01:26:16,340
My bad.

1199
01:26:16,540 --> 01:26:17,020
Jesus.

1200
01:26:17,040 --> 01:26:18,040
My bad.

1201
01:26:18,800 --> 01:26:19,800
My bad.

1202
01:26:20,620 --> 01:26:21,620
My bad.

1203
01:26:21,940 --> 01:26:22,340
My bad.

1204
01:26:22,600 --> 01:26:23,700
So unflattering.

1205
01:26:23,920 --> 01:26:24,920
My bad.

1206
01:26:25,320 --> 01:26:26,400
My bad.

1207
01:26:29,040 --> 01:26:30,040
There we go.

1208
01:26:32,270 --> 01:26:34,340
I can almost hear the laughs, Chad.

1209
01:26:35,300 --> 01:26:36,300
The band.

1210
01:26:37,020 --> 01:26:38,060
That famous sax.

1211
01:26:40,360 --> 01:26:44,020
I can almost feel what it was like when
all of this was new.

1212
01:26:44,840 --> 01:26:45,180
Okay.

1213
01:26:45,580 --> 01:26:47,540
I can almost see my old friends.

1214
01:26:50,220 --> 01:26:51,220
Sandy.

1215
01:26:51,580 --> 01:26:52,900
Thanks for indulging me, Chad.

1216
01:26:53,820 --> 01:26:55,580
I have so many wonderful memories here.

1217
01:26:55,600 --> 01:26:56,920
I'm sure you do too.

1218
01:27:01,710 --> 01:27:04,680
I hope you realize how lucky you are to
work here, Chad.

1219
01:27:06,160 --> 01:27:07,740
It's a pretty magical place.

1220
01:27:12,130 --> 01:27:13,130
Okay.

1221
01:27:39,020 --> 01:27:41,720
Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Sandler.

1222
01:27:42,080 --> 01:27:43,080
Yeah, baby!

1223
01:27:44,160 --> 01:27:45,980
Let's hear it for Jack, baby!

1224
01:27:46,060 --> 01:27:47,540
Jack made it out tonight!

1225
01:27:48,920 --> 01:27:49,920
Love you, brother.

1226
01:27:51,000 --> 01:27:52,000
Okay, here we go.

1227
01:27:53,340 --> 01:27:56,060
Everyone in this room has something in
common.

1228
01:27:58,720 --> 01:28:02,160
All of our lives were changed by the show.

1229
01:28:04,400 --> 01:28:07,300
Everyone in this room has something else
in common.

1230
01:28:09,710 --> 01:28:13,500
None of us were allowed to use the little
bathroom in Lauren's office.

1231
01:28:15,680 --> 01:28:16,960
50 years.

1232
01:28:18,960 --> 01:28:20,240
50 years.

1233
01:28:21,500 --> 01:28:24,500
Saturday Night Live's been on for 50
years.

1234
01:28:26,480 --> 01:28:30,480
50 years of your sketch killing at
read-through.

1235
01:28:31,260 --> 01:28:36,201
And finding out they didn't pick it because
the host didn't want to take off his shirt.

1236
01:28:37,540 --> 01:28:42,120
50 years of Tuesday late-night pizza.

1237
01:28:43,680 --> 01:28:47,880
35 years of Pepto-Bismol from nurse
Teresa.

1238
01:28:49,140 --> 01:28:50,220
Yeah, baby!

1239
01:28:51,320 --> 01:28:56,000
50 years of the cast looking straight at
the cue cards.

1240
01:28:57,180 --> 01:29:02,300
And 30 years of drunk Wally holding the
cue cards upside down.

1241
01:29:03,680 --> 01:29:04,680
Is that it, baby, Wally?

1242
01:29:06,160 --> 01:29:10,880
50 years of writers seeing Spielberg at
Lauren's monitors.

1243
01:29:11,760 --> 01:29:16,100
Not laughing at one of their sketches that
he obviously hated.

1244
01:29:17,720 --> 01:29:21,980
50 years of those same writers then
getting wasted at the after-party.

1245
01:29:22,620 --> 01:29:26,620
And loudly telling everybody that Jaws was
overrated.

1246
01:29:28,320 --> 01:29:32,940
50 years of Frank calling some New York
magazine critic.

1247
01:29:33,760 --> 01:29:38,040
50 years of finding out your favorite
musician's anti-Semitic.

1248
01:29:39,800 --> 01:29:44,160
50 years of asking an intern to pick up
your laundry at 2.30am.

1249
01:29:45,460 --> 01:29:50,060
Not realizing that the intern was Martin
Scorsese's kid.

1250
01:29:50,520 --> 01:29:52,160
Or Nora Ephron's kid.

1251
01:29:52,180 --> 01:29:53,740
Or Randy Newman's kid.

1252
01:29:54,140 --> 01:29:57,520
Or whoever Lauren had dinner with on
Wednesday night's kid.

1253
01:29:58,220 --> 01:30:02,240
50 years of cast members saying,
I'm not getting on enough.

1254
01:30:03,000 --> 01:30:07,140
Their spirits are broken and their hearts
are full of malice.

1255
01:30:09,760 --> 01:30:14,020
50 years of them storming off to tell
Lauren how they really feel.

1256
01:30:14,700 --> 01:30:19,461
Then chickening out and saying, hey,
Lauren, I knitted this scarf for Alice.

1257
01:30:21,200 --> 01:30:25,040
50 years of waking up Sunday afternoon
depressed.

1258
01:30:26,560 --> 01:30:30,980
50 years of Downey not writing the cold
open until five minutes before dress.

1259
01:30:30,981 --> 01:30:34,055
And Colin, 50 years of
wondering who's going

1260
01:30:34,056 --> 01:30:37,621
to take over the show
when Lauren retires.

1261
01:30:38,740 --> 01:30:42,920
But everyone knows that the answer is of
course Speedy.

1262
01:30:47,380 --> 01:30:52,000
50 years of young comedians getting hired
for the show.

1263
01:30:53,060 --> 01:30:56,680
From stand-up growling Second City and all
the rest.

1264
01:30:58,560 --> 01:31:04,401
50 years of cast members saying, I
think our cast is the greatest of all time.

1265
01:31:04,440 --> 01:31:09,100
But we all know that the first cast was
the best.

1266
01:31:09,540 --> 01:31:11,680
And because of them.

1267
01:31:13,325 --> 01:31:16,600
We got four years of Eddie Murphy.

1268
01:31:17,280 --> 01:31:18,980
Eight years of Will Forte.

1269
01:31:20,200 --> 01:31:22,400
Five years of Jan Hooks and Gilda.

1270
01:31:22,820 --> 01:31:25,100
Six of Victoria, 11 of Che.

1271
01:31:25,101 --> 01:31:28,480
Three years of Melanie Hutzel.

1272
01:31:28,880 --> 01:31:31,440
Michael McKean crushed it in two.

1273
01:31:31,980 --> 01:31:33,300
One of Billy Crystal.

1274
01:31:33,500 --> 01:31:34,700
Six of Dennis Miller.

1275
01:31:35,220 --> 01:31:37,120
Eight of Harbin the Glue.

1276
01:31:37,940 --> 01:31:40,080
Seven years of Drach and Wigg.

1277
01:31:40,920 --> 01:31:43,040
Five years of Terry and Quinn.

1278
01:31:43,940 --> 01:31:46,440
Four of Kazarinsky and Clagon.

1279
01:31:46,920 --> 01:31:49,580
Eleven of Armisen.

1280
01:31:49,581 --> 01:31:52,540
Fourteen years of Davis and Handy.

1281
01:31:52,780 --> 01:31:54,650
Schiller and Smigel like 25.

1282
01:31:56,520 --> 01:31:59,220
Eighteen of Audrey Dickman and Davey
Wilson.

1283
01:31:59,480 --> 01:32:02,610
Plus Among and Disco and Bobby Van Ryde.

1284
01:32:03,480 --> 01:32:05,680
Thirty years of Downey.

1285
01:32:06,100 --> 01:32:08,860
Forty-five years of Lorne.

1286
01:32:09,300 --> 01:32:11,900
Six years of our boy Farley.

1287
01:32:13,760 --> 01:32:17,880
Five of our buddy Norm.

1288
01:32:19,640 --> 01:32:26,180
Fifty years of one of us getting to say
live from New York it's Saturday night.

1289
01:32:26,620 --> 01:32:32,100
Fifty years of standing on home base
waving good night and good bye.

1290
01:32:35,900 --> 01:32:42,020
Fifty years of the best times of our
lives.

1291
01:33:03,410 --> 01:33:06,010
Tuesday on NBC and Peacock.

1292
01:33:09,590 --> 01:33:11,220
Hot dogs and heroin.

1293
01:33:11,600 --> 01:33:14,400
Get your hot dogs and heroin here.

1294
01:33:15,040 --> 01:33:16,040
Hello, kind sir.

1295
01:33:16,120 --> 01:33:18,420
We just moved here from the small towns we
grew up in.

1296
01:33:18,700 --> 01:33:19,200
That's right.

1297
01:33:19,201 --> 01:33:20,780
We're both young and the same age.

1298
01:33:21,660 --> 01:33:23,941
And we have dreams of making it big here
in New York City.

1299
01:33:26,740 --> 01:33:28,440
You're moving to New York?

1300
01:33:28,800 --> 01:33:29,280
Now?

1301
01:33:29,700 --> 01:33:30,920
It's 1975.

1302
01:33:31,160 --> 01:33:32,160
New York is dying.

1303
01:33:32,220 --> 01:33:33,620
It's a bankrupt hellhole.

1304
01:33:33,960 --> 01:33:34,300
It is?

1305
01:33:34,650 --> 01:33:35,676
Well, let's get out of here.

1306
01:33:35,700 --> 01:33:36,040
No.

1307
01:33:36,580 --> 01:33:39,220
We're poets and dreamers and New York is
where we belong.

1308
01:33:39,780 --> 01:33:42,560
So, one hot dog with heroin please.

1309
01:33:45,460 --> 01:33:46,460
Very well.

1310
01:33:46,620 --> 01:33:47,920
Hot dog and heroin.

1311
01:33:48,380 --> 01:33:53,480
Tell these boys what New York City is all
about.

1312
01:34:03,560 --> 01:34:06,820
Baby, look at me.

1313
01:34:07,180 --> 01:34:10,380
And tell me what you see.

1314
01:34:10,580 --> 01:34:13,860
This old city is going to hell.

1315
01:34:14,360 --> 01:34:17,480
Trash and urine is all you can smell.

1316
01:34:18,960 --> 01:34:22,300
You're gonna get shot in a taxi.

1317
01:34:23,360 --> 01:34:25,880
You're gonna get stabbed on the train.

1318
01:34:55,020 --> 01:34:56,340
Where are we now, John?

1319
01:34:56,400 --> 01:34:58,160
It's the 1980s.

1320
01:34:58,220 --> 01:35:00,360
We're at a power lunch on Wall Street.

1321
01:35:00,600 --> 01:35:01,600
Oh, New York is fine now?

1322
01:35:01,780 --> 01:35:03,140
If you're white, yes.

1323
01:35:03,860 --> 01:35:06,205
It's all thanks to the
boom on the stock market

1324
01:35:06,206 --> 01:35:09,540
and a new diet that's
been sweeping the city.

1325
01:35:15,000 --> 01:35:16,620
Cocaine and some vodka.

1326
01:35:19,380 --> 01:35:22,740
What a wonderful face.

1327
01:35:25,800 --> 01:35:27,740
Cocaine and some vodka.

1328
01:35:28,740 --> 01:35:31,740
It's how the Mets win their games.

1329
01:35:32,360 --> 01:35:36,980
You need no sleeping for a couple of days.

1330
01:35:37,920 --> 01:35:43,120
It's a power mix that tricks your dicks.

1331
01:35:43,650 --> 01:35:45,840
Cocaine and some vodka.

1332
01:35:52,720 --> 01:35:55,520
Wow, I bet Disney's gonna be psyched.

1333
01:35:56,520 --> 01:35:58,174
But won't all this Wall
Street money make it

1334
01:35:58,175 --> 01:35:59,800
harder for artists like
me to afford to live here?

1335
01:35:59,920 --> 01:36:00,460
It will.

1336
01:36:00,820 --> 01:36:04,300
And as we enter the 90s, Times Square will
be transformed from pimps and

1337
01:36:04,301 --> 01:36:06,940
pornographers into something even
filthier.

1338
01:36:07,390 --> 01:36:08,540
Cartoon mascots.

1339
01:36:08,920 --> 01:36:11,580
But the old guard will not go quietly.

1340
01:36:14,680 --> 01:36:17,200
Look down, look down.

1341
01:36:17,560 --> 01:36:20,140
You're standing in my grave.

1342
01:36:20,141 --> 01:36:22,580
Look down, you fool.

1343
01:36:23,220 --> 01:36:25,160
They say I have saved.

1344
01:36:26,180 --> 01:36:28,480
Pimps like you will never change.

1345
01:36:28,800 --> 01:36:31,380
But sweep away the scum like you.

1346
01:36:31,860 --> 01:36:34,180
No, you know nothing of my life.

1347
01:36:34,300 --> 01:36:36,420
My duty is to parade.

1348
01:36:36,780 --> 01:36:39,340
The tourists will pose next to me.

1349
01:36:39,660 --> 01:36:42,040
And maybe also have sex machines.

1350
01:36:42,380 --> 01:36:44,480
So you'll see how.

1351
01:36:48,890 --> 01:36:55,690
But look, it's the one who will unite
them.

1352
01:36:56,230 --> 01:37:00,290
A character in Times Square who's
family-friendly, but also a prostitute.

1353
01:37:00,570 --> 01:37:02,150
The green M&M.

1354
01:37:13,570 --> 01:37:21,570
I dreamed a dream of times gone by When I
was high on meth and Skittles So different

1355
01:37:25,150 --> 01:37:33,150
than it used to be So different from this
hell I'm living So different now than it

1356
01:37:40,830 --> 01:37:48,330
used to be But Giuliani killed the dream I
dreamed Kristen, what are you doing?

1357
01:37:49,110 --> 01:37:50,110
Stop.

1358
01:37:50,370 --> 01:37:52,610
God, what are you doing?

1359
01:37:53,970 --> 01:37:54,970
That's right.

1360
01:37:55,830 --> 01:37:56,950
Rudolph Giuliani.

1361
01:37:57,925 --> 01:38:01,990
Here in post-9-11 New York, the city has
rallied like never before.

1362
01:38:06,430 --> 01:38:07,430
Rudy.

1363
01:38:08,350 --> 01:38:09,810
Rudy, you're America's mayor.

1364
01:38:10,050 --> 01:38:11,670
You're beloved all across the country.

1365
01:38:11,950 --> 01:38:13,190
This is your big shot.

1366
01:38:13,570 --> 01:38:14,790
What are you gonna do with it?

1367
01:38:14,990 --> 01:38:15,990
Simple.

1368
01:38:16,910 --> 01:38:19,190
I am throwing away my shot.

1369
01:38:19,590 --> 01:38:21,930
I am throwing away my shot.

1370
01:38:21,931 --> 01:38:23,450
Hey, yo, I'm just like my city.

1371
01:38:23,650 --> 01:38:24,850
I'm drunk, corrupt, and crazy.

1372
01:38:24,890 --> 01:38:26,670
And I am throwing away my shot.

1373
01:38:26,750 --> 01:38:27,750
Everybody sing.

1374
01:38:27,870 --> 01:38:28,310
What?

1375
01:38:28,311 --> 01:38:29,311
What?

1376
01:38:38,110 --> 01:38:39,110
Rise up.

1377
01:38:39,210 --> 01:38:41,730
Election conspiracy's gonna rise up.

1378
01:38:41,910 --> 01:38:43,490
I'll plant the seeds in there.

1379
01:38:43,610 --> 01:38:44,330
Rise up.

1380
01:38:44,390 --> 01:38:45,810
He's getting crazy by degrees.

1381
01:38:45,970 --> 01:38:47,090
Gonna rise up.

1382
01:38:47,290 --> 01:38:48,330
Do I get this ball?

1383
01:38:57,870 --> 01:38:59,790
I'm throwing away my shot.

1384
01:39:07,710 --> 01:39:11,150
And after Michael Bloomberg took New York
to new heights.

1385
01:39:11,290 --> 01:39:14,150
In terms of how unaffordable it became.

1386
01:39:14,350 --> 01:39:15,350
Great impression.

1387
01:39:15,480 --> 01:39:21,650
And Bill de Blasio brought us universal
pre-K and universal marijuana.

1388
01:39:21,790 --> 01:39:23,210
Hey, that's not nice.

1389
01:39:24,090 --> 01:39:28,710
The honorable Mayor Eric Adams brought
swagger back to NYC.

1390
01:39:29,070 --> 01:39:30,250
Yeah, that's right.

1391
01:39:30,510 --> 01:39:32,950
Homeless dudes who want to push people
onto the subway tracks.

1392
01:39:33,090 --> 01:39:34,530
They got that swagger bag, baby.

1393
01:39:35,010 --> 01:39:36,010
Whoo!

1394
01:39:36,780 --> 01:39:40,170
And somehow New York today feels like it's
back in the 70s.

1395
01:39:40,250 --> 01:39:41,910
Back on Skid Row.

1396
01:39:42,510 --> 01:39:43,510
That's right.

1397
01:39:43,610 --> 01:39:44,610
Skid Row.

1398
01:39:45,230 --> 01:39:46,270
Oh my god, who hit you?

1399
01:39:46,271 --> 01:39:46,570
Colin?

1400
01:39:47,090 --> 01:39:49,210
No, not this time.

1401
01:39:50,190 --> 01:39:54,090
You see, there's a new menace on the
streets of our city.

1402
01:40:11,320 --> 01:40:19,320
Suddenly e-bikers Suddenly e-bikes Are
trying to kill you

1403
01:40:27,400 --> 01:40:35,400
It's Max Delivering album I mean,
then why even live in New York anymore?

1404
01:40:35,690 --> 01:40:36,320
It's too loud.

1405
01:40:36,340 --> 01:40:37,220
It's too dangerous.

1406
01:40:37,360 --> 01:40:39,980
They give rats free birth control,
but not human women.

1407
01:40:40,400 --> 01:40:42,560
I mean, if this is what New York is,
I'm out.

1408
01:40:42,780 --> 01:40:43,780
Wait, Pete.

1409
01:40:43,880 --> 01:40:45,340
And where did Spade go, by the way?

1410
01:40:45,560 --> 01:40:47,400
Oh, he sat back down in the audience.

1411
01:40:49,100 --> 01:40:50,680
Yeah, I got a feel for it.

1412
01:40:53,740 --> 01:41:00,280
Pete, Pete, before you turn your back on
New York, remember what this city gave you.

1413
01:41:00,420 --> 01:41:00,720
Herpes?

1414
01:41:00,880 --> 01:41:02,700
No, this city didn't give you that.

1415
01:41:03,100 --> 01:41:05,640
I meant remember how this city inspired
you.

1416
01:41:05,840 --> 01:41:07,641
Just because the art
scene and the music

1417
01:41:07,642 --> 01:41:09,820
scene are dead and
the city is a bunch of T.D.

1418
01:41:10,055 --> 01:41:13,060
Banks and Le Pen cotidiennes, you can't
just give up.

1419
01:41:13,500 --> 01:41:18,700
I'm just asking you, nay, all of us here,
to still believe in the power of New York

1420
01:41:19,025 --> 01:41:20,800
and to give the city we love.

1421
01:41:39,540 --> 01:41:43,060
Even though it's full of crime,
I guess I'd spend my time.

1422
01:41:43,460 --> 01:41:47,900
One day more, we would not live another
place.

1423
01:41:48,800 --> 01:41:54,720
Though we cannot afford an apartment.

1424
01:41:55,640 --> 01:42:01,180
One day more, we will surround,
unite and dare.

1425
01:42:04,220 --> 01:42:08,260
Our rise to power's merely started.

1426
01:42:09,620 --> 01:42:14,430
One day more, a solution.

1427
01:42:14,431 --> 01:42:17,450
How to stop the violent crime.

1428
01:42:17,451 --> 01:42:20,870
Most cities don't have more people.

1429
01:42:21,150 --> 01:42:23,790
Here it happens all the time.

1430
01:42:23,990 --> 01:42:29,850
I dreamed a dream that King Kong died.

1431
01:42:30,470 --> 01:42:34,550
Then I remembered he's in Florida.

1432
01:42:36,270 --> 01:42:39,050
My place is here.

1433
01:42:39,530 --> 01:42:42,580
I fight with you.

1434
01:42:46,660 --> 01:42:54,660
We'll discover what our godless city has
in store.

1435
01:42:55,500 --> 01:42:58,480
One more dawn.

1436
01:42:59,060 --> 01:43:02,080
One more day.

1437
01:43:03,300 --> 01:43:06,860
One day more.

1438
01:43:23,560 --> 01:43:28,070
Ladies and gentlemen, 17-time host Alec
Baldwin.

1439
01:43:29,330 --> 01:43:30,330
Thank you.

1440
01:43:35,490 --> 01:43:36,330
Good evening, everyone.

1441
01:43:36,430 --> 01:43:37,450
I'm Alec Baldwin.

1442
01:43:37,470 --> 01:43:39,670
I should have corrected you about that a
long time ago.

1443
01:43:42,720 --> 01:43:45,857
I'm here to introduce
some of the best commercial

1444
01:43:45,858 --> 01:43:48,431
parodies to ever appear
on Saturday Night Live.

1445
01:43:48,980 --> 01:43:52,570
I'd also like to thank the fine folks who
are sponsoring this segment.

1446
01:43:53,450 --> 01:43:54,970
Are you having trouble falling asleep?

1447
01:43:55,750 --> 01:43:57,310
Reach for after update.

1448
01:43:58,650 --> 01:43:59,650
Nothing puts people...

1449
01:44:01,870 --> 01:44:06,110
Nothing puts people to sleep faster than
the sketches that air after update.

1450
01:44:08,050 --> 01:44:11,290
And also third-year veneers.

1451
01:44:13,050 --> 01:44:16,410
All new cast members arrive here with no
money and gacked-up teeth.

1452
01:44:17,030 --> 01:44:21,030
But by year three, you better believe
they're getting third-year veneers.

1453
01:44:21,630 --> 01:44:22,630
Right, Sarah?

1454
01:44:23,090 --> 01:44:24,650
You bet, Alec.

1455
01:44:25,410 --> 01:44:27,230
And it does never bite into an apple.

1456
01:44:28,110 --> 01:44:31,470
And now, we're going to have without
further ado, here are some commercials.

1457
01:44:35,810 --> 01:44:36,990
You kids go ahead.

1458
01:44:37,930 --> 01:44:39,650
I want to have a talk with your old
grandma.

1459
01:44:40,370 --> 01:44:42,530
You're still having control problems,
aren't you?

1460
01:44:43,210 --> 01:44:45,030
I just don't feel confident, Harvey.

1461
01:44:45,650 --> 01:44:46,650
Come with me.

1462
01:44:46,810 --> 01:44:48,410
I want to let you in on a little secret.

1463
01:44:50,150 --> 01:44:51,150
Here we are.

1464
01:44:51,350 --> 01:44:52,470
Oops, I crapped my pants.

1465
01:44:52,970 --> 01:44:55,050
I logged a lot of miles trading for that
day.

1466
01:44:55,310 --> 01:44:57,090
And I've downed a lot of donuts.

1467
01:44:57,091 --> 01:45:01,210
Little Chalk-A-Donuts have been on my
trading table since I was a kid.

1468
01:45:01,730 --> 01:45:04,710
Well, there's fiber, and then there's high
fiber.

1469
01:45:05,250 --> 01:45:07,210
Mmm, Bowlin' Blow.

1470
01:45:12,180 --> 01:45:13,180
Wow!

1471
01:45:13,640 --> 01:45:14,780
I think I get the picture!

1472
01:45:15,250 --> 01:45:16,250
Kept the edge.

1473
01:45:16,460 --> 01:45:17,620
A chia edge.

1474
01:45:18,060 --> 01:45:19,060
Hi, I'm Mel.

1475
01:45:19,100 --> 01:45:20,200
We're Mel's Sharp House.

1476
01:45:20,440 --> 01:45:23,720
Where you find your own cow, you cut your
own steaks.

1477
01:45:24,280 --> 01:45:25,380
Wilson Trapdoors.

1478
01:45:26,020 --> 01:45:26,760
Hadley and Watch.

1479
01:45:26,860 --> 01:45:27,960
The British toothpaste.

1480
01:45:28,060 --> 01:45:29,880
But can it copy your ass?

1481
01:45:30,500 --> 01:45:32,420
The Xerox 790 ass jet can.

1482
01:45:32,760 --> 01:45:38,980
So why not share the most intimate moment
of them all with the Love Toilet?

1483
01:45:46,170 --> 01:45:47,530
The Canon AE-1.

1484
01:45:47,710 --> 01:45:51,790
A camera so simple, even Stevie Wonder can
use it.

1485
01:45:52,330 --> 01:45:56,030
Robots are everywhere, and they eat old
people's medicine for fuel.

1486
01:45:56,650 --> 01:45:58,718
Now there's a company
that offers coverage

1487
01:45:58,719 --> 01:46:01,210
against the unfortunate
event of a robot attack.

1488
01:46:01,211 --> 01:46:03,090
Old glory insurance.

1489
01:46:05,510 --> 01:46:08,470
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any
of the following occurs.

1490
01:46:08,790 --> 01:46:13,850
This Mother's Day, give her something that
says, I'm not a woman anymore, I'm a mom.

1491
01:46:17,050 --> 01:46:20,350
With Tylenol BM, I know I'm going to get a
good night's sleep.

1492
01:46:20,550 --> 01:46:22,570
I sleep through my first dump in the
morning.

1493
01:46:23,590 --> 01:46:25,310
Dolan, did you just hit the bed?

1494
01:46:25,930 --> 01:46:28,510
How about new Crackle Note Flakes,
now with Ecstasy?

1495
01:46:33,190 --> 01:46:34,370
NutraQuick, anal suppository.

1496
01:46:35,210 --> 01:46:36,470
Pepto-Bismol Ice.

1497
01:46:36,770 --> 01:46:38,350
John Ham's John Ham.

1498
01:46:38,650 --> 01:46:39,730
Crystal Gravy.

1499
01:46:40,430 --> 01:46:41,130
Baby Spanx.

1500
01:46:41,350 --> 01:46:42,350
Baby Chew Pays.

1501
01:46:42,910 --> 01:46:44,090
GOB Tampons.

1502
01:46:44,230 --> 01:46:46,370
Made for a woman by Republicans.

1503
01:46:46,690 --> 01:46:47,330
With Roomba.

1504
01:46:47,610 --> 01:46:49,690
It's a robot and it cleans my business.

1505
01:46:49,970 --> 01:46:51,110
My lady business.

1506
01:46:51,470 --> 01:46:52,470
And I like that.

1507
01:46:52,770 --> 01:46:55,406
Using Bosley's
breakthrough technique, hair is

1508
01:46:55,407 --> 01:46:58,171
harvested from the mezzanine
and brought to the head.

1509
01:46:58,770 --> 01:47:00,390
Now that's what I call a taco.

1510
01:47:00,690 --> 01:47:05,290
Well, it's not a Taco Town taco until we
roll it up in a blueberry pancake.

1511
01:47:05,750 --> 01:47:06,870
Taco Town!

1512
01:47:07,770 --> 01:47:08,950
It's almost pizza.

1513
01:47:09,190 --> 01:47:12,790
Pizza that's practically pizza in every
way, except for a few key ones.

1514
01:47:12,870 --> 01:47:13,590
I'll eat it.

1515
01:47:13,770 --> 01:47:14,770
No!

1516
01:47:15,130 --> 01:47:16,470
This ain't a T-shirt.

1517
01:47:16,710 --> 01:47:18,250
It's a Z-shirt.

1518
01:47:18,390 --> 01:47:19,450
Is that an A-shirt?

1519
01:47:19,650 --> 01:47:20,790
Um, absolutely not.

1520
01:47:20,810 --> 01:47:22,170
Is it a B-shirt?

1521
01:47:22,250 --> 01:47:22,590
No, man.

1522
01:47:22,630 --> 01:47:24,150
Is it a C-shirt?

1523
01:47:24,390 --> 01:47:25,950
No, it's a Z-shirt.

1524
01:47:26,270 --> 01:47:26,910
Swift to me.

1525
01:47:27,150 --> 01:47:29,770
For when you realize you love Taylor
Swift.

1526
01:47:29,771 --> 01:47:31,710
Hey, babe, we need those sartinos.

1527
01:47:31,950 --> 01:47:33,250
What's going on back there?

1528
01:47:36,855 --> 01:47:38,650
I f***ing love Dunkin' Guy.

1529
01:47:39,110 --> 01:47:39,810
What are you talking about?

1530
01:47:39,811 --> 01:47:41,150
Hey, you can't smoke in here, man.

1531
01:47:41,151 --> 01:47:41,910
I'm not, Mark.

1532
01:47:41,930 --> 01:47:42,430
I'm not smoking in here.

1533
01:47:42,431 --> 01:47:43,330
You're smoking in here.

1534
01:47:43,331 --> 01:47:44,050
I'm not seeing a cigarette.

1535
01:47:44,090 --> 01:47:44,690
I'm not seeing a cigarette.

1536
01:47:44,691 --> 01:47:46,270
It's coming in through the cracks.

1537
01:47:46,950 --> 01:47:47,950
Ivanka.

1538
01:47:48,270 --> 01:47:48,770
Complicit.

1539
01:47:49,230 --> 01:47:51,430
The Toilet Death Ejector.

1540
01:47:53,230 --> 01:47:54,230
Ozempic Ferramidon.

1541
01:47:54,530 --> 01:47:55,530
Heroin AM.

1542
01:47:55,810 --> 01:47:56,310
EMF.

1543
01:47:56,690 --> 01:47:58,610
Xanax for gay summer weddings.

1544
01:47:58,611 --> 01:48:00,270
Cialis for three ways.

1545
01:48:00,490 --> 01:48:01,150
Nuva Bling.

1546
01:48:01,430 --> 01:48:02,830
Undercover office potty.

1547
01:48:03,090 --> 01:48:03,850
Bathroom Cobra.

1548
01:48:04,090 --> 01:48:04,590
Brogame.

1549
01:48:04,970 --> 01:48:05,510
Dry opening.

1550
01:48:05,790 --> 01:48:06,790
Royal deluxe tube.

1551
01:48:07,070 --> 01:48:08,070
It's not as dirty.

1552
01:48:08,110 --> 01:48:09,850
For a smile that says, yum.

1553
01:48:11,050 --> 01:48:14,730
Introducing wells for sensitive little
boys from Fisher Price.

1554
01:48:15,030 --> 01:48:16,750
You don't want to do the commercial
anymore?

1555
01:48:16,830 --> 01:48:17,830
Okay.

1556
01:48:17,870 --> 01:48:19,390
Okay, he wants to go back to the well.

1557
01:48:30,360 --> 01:48:31,360
I agree.

1558
01:48:31,460 --> 01:48:32,536
I think Jenna needs a vacation.

1559
01:48:32,560 --> 01:48:33,060
I agree.

1560
01:48:33,500 --> 01:48:34,100
Hello, hello.

1561
01:48:34,260 --> 01:48:35,160
Hello, hi, I'm Jodie.

1562
01:48:35,220 --> 01:48:36,220
Hi, I'm Betty.

1563
01:48:36,260 --> 01:48:37,000
Welcome to Bronxby.

1564
01:48:37,001 --> 01:48:37,280
Yes.

1565
01:48:37,600 --> 01:48:39,840
This is a very special
episode because we are

1566
01:48:39,841 --> 01:48:42,040
coming to you from the
SNL 50th anniversary show.

1567
01:48:42,140 --> 01:48:43,200
That's right, ooh la la.

1568
01:48:45,100 --> 01:48:47,720
I am seeing so many icons.

1569
01:48:48,020 --> 01:48:49,200
What an incredible night.

1570
01:48:49,360 --> 01:48:52,180
Out there we got very famous people in the
audience.

1571
01:48:52,700 --> 01:48:53,600
Actor, actor.

1572
01:48:53,601 --> 01:48:53,940
Actor.

1573
01:48:54,120 --> 01:48:54,780
Conan O'Brien.

1574
01:48:55,020 --> 01:48:56,020
Actor.

1575
01:48:56,740 --> 01:48:57,760
And look at this guy.

1576
01:48:58,020 --> 01:48:58,740
Oh yeah.

1577
01:48:58,760 --> 01:48:59,480
Look at this guy.

1578
01:48:59,560 --> 01:49:00,300
He's a cutie.

1579
01:49:00,340 --> 01:49:00,920
Hey, hi.

1580
01:49:01,000 --> 01:49:01,680
Hi, who are you?

1581
01:49:01,880 --> 01:49:02,360
Who are you?

1582
01:49:02,580 --> 01:49:03,741
Hi cutie, what are you doing?

1583
01:49:05,220 --> 01:49:06,220
I'm an actor.

1584
01:49:07,230 --> 01:49:08,280
Oh, you know what?

1585
01:49:08,281 --> 01:49:08,860
Let me get up here.

1586
01:49:08,920 --> 01:49:09,920
Talk to us up close.

1587
01:49:10,000 --> 01:49:11,000
Come on.

1588
01:49:14,850 --> 01:49:15,870
We don't have time.

1589
01:49:16,050 --> 01:49:17,750
The show is 30 minutes long.

1590
01:49:18,230 --> 01:49:21,010
Okay, so tell us your name honey.

1591
01:49:21,050 --> 01:49:22,050
Who are you?

1592
01:49:22,130 --> 01:49:23,130
Miles Teller.

1593
01:49:23,490 --> 01:49:25,050
Oh, you're cute, Miles.

1594
01:49:26,250 --> 01:49:27,250
You're cute.

1595
01:49:27,410 --> 01:49:28,790
Miles, I like your smile.

1596
01:49:29,650 --> 01:49:31,330
Miles is smiles for Miles.

1597
01:49:31,350 --> 01:49:32,490
Smiley Teller.

1598
01:49:33,150 --> 01:49:33,890
So you're an actor.

1599
01:49:34,050 --> 01:49:35,050
So what's that like?

1600
01:49:35,110 --> 01:49:37,537
You know what, Miles, if I
was an actor and I had to kiss

1601
01:49:37,538 --> 01:49:39,890
someone in a movie, I
would immediately fall in love.

1602
01:49:40,170 --> 01:49:41,630
You know, it's actually not very romantic.

1603
01:49:41,631 --> 01:49:45,770
If my job was to be in movies and do love
scenes, I'd be in jail.

1604
01:49:47,150 --> 01:49:51,130
So Miles, we want to know every little
single thing about you.

1605
01:49:51,131 --> 01:49:52,211
How did you get your start?

1606
01:49:52,310 --> 01:49:56,010
Well, I really caught the acting bug when I
was a sophomore in high school in Florida.

1607
01:49:56,210 --> 01:49:56,690
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1608
01:49:56,691 --> 01:49:57,490
No, no, no.

1609
01:49:57,710 --> 01:49:58,430
Don't start that far back.

1610
01:49:58,431 --> 01:49:59,711
We don't have that kind of time.

1611
01:50:00,010 --> 01:50:01,530
Yeah, Miles, we're not immortal.

1612
01:50:01,990 --> 01:50:02,010
Yeah.

1613
01:50:02,210 --> 01:50:02,430
Okay.

1614
01:50:02,730 --> 01:50:04,170
Stick to the highlights, Miles.

1615
01:50:04,250 --> 01:50:05,370
What do we know you from?

1616
01:50:06,070 --> 01:50:07,910
Well, I was in Top Gun Maverick.

1617
01:50:07,911 --> 01:50:09,070
Okay, there we go.

1618
01:50:09,150 --> 01:50:10,150
We saw it right there.

1619
01:50:10,190 --> 01:50:10,870
We've seen that.

1620
01:50:11,010 --> 01:50:11,530
We've seen that.

1621
01:50:11,531 --> 01:50:12,050
We've seen that.

1622
01:50:12,110 --> 01:50:12,970
Look at you.

1623
01:50:13,050 --> 01:50:14,830
Look at you in Top Gun 2.

1624
01:50:15,390 --> 01:50:16,390
Top Gun 2.

1625
01:50:16,830 --> 01:50:18,670
It's actually Top Gun Maverick.

1626
01:50:18,770 --> 01:50:19,770
Oh, Top Gun 2.

1627
01:50:19,830 --> 01:50:21,090
Top Gun 2.

1628
01:50:21,670 --> 01:50:22,230
Top Gun 2.

1629
01:50:22,231 --> 01:50:23,271
Look at you, little cutie.

1630
01:50:23,330 --> 01:50:23,810
Top Gun 2.

1631
01:50:23,950 --> 01:50:24,950
I'm proud of you.

1632
01:50:25,050 --> 01:50:27,050
I'm proud of you in Top Gun 2 with Tom
Cruise.

1633
01:50:29,210 --> 01:50:30,070
Who'd you play?

1634
01:50:30,230 --> 01:50:31,230
Who'd you play?

1635
01:50:31,990 --> 01:50:33,110
I played Rooster.

1636
01:50:33,510 --> 01:50:33,990
Rooster.

1637
01:50:34,450 --> 01:50:34,790
Okay.

1638
01:50:35,170 --> 01:50:36,170
Okay, Rooster.

1639
01:50:36,410 --> 01:50:37,150
I remember you.

1640
01:50:37,300 --> 01:50:40,230
That was you playing football on the
beach, tussling with Tom Cruise, huh?

1641
01:50:40,690 --> 01:50:41,990
Let me ask you a question, Rooster.

1642
01:50:41,991 --> 01:50:42,690
You like to tussle?

1643
01:50:42,710 --> 01:50:43,710
You like to tussle?

1644
01:50:44,190 --> 01:50:45,550
You like to tussle on the beach?

1645
01:50:45,551 --> 01:50:45,730
You're a tussler?

1646
01:50:45,830 --> 01:50:46,450
You're a tussler?

1647
01:50:46,770 --> 01:50:46,970
Huh?

1648
01:50:46,971 --> 01:50:47,310
You're a world-class tussler?

1649
01:50:47,311 --> 01:50:48,190
I bet you like to tussle.

1650
01:50:48,250 --> 01:50:48,810
I bet you do.

1651
01:50:49,150 --> 01:50:50,706
I bet you like to tussle with Tom Cruise
on the beach.

1652
01:50:50,730 --> 01:50:51,230
I bet you do.

1653
01:50:51,330 --> 01:50:52,390
You like to tussle?

1654
01:50:52,670 --> 01:50:53,490
Cock-a-doodle-doo.

1655
01:50:53,590 --> 01:50:55,450
Cock-a-doodle-doo in Top Gun 2.

1656
01:50:56,670 --> 01:50:57,390
Top Gun Maverick.

1657
01:50:57,470 --> 01:50:58,150
Oh, well, yeah.

1658
01:50:58,151 --> 01:50:58,890
I'm never going to call it that.

1659
01:50:58,891 --> 01:50:59,906
She's never going to call it that.

1660
01:50:59,930 --> 01:51:01,150
All right, all right.

1661
01:51:01,151 --> 01:51:01,530
Thank you.

1662
01:51:01,630 --> 01:51:03,030
Yeah, you can go sit down, Rooster.

1663
01:51:04,930 --> 01:51:05,930
You got it.

1664
01:51:09,630 --> 01:51:10,650
He should be an actor.

1665
01:51:10,651 --> 01:51:11,090
He's cute.

1666
01:51:11,110 --> 01:51:11,690
Well, all right.

1667
01:51:11,990 --> 01:51:13,246
Well, that's all the time we have.

1668
01:51:13,270 --> 01:51:14,290
It's a very packed show.

1669
01:51:14,570 --> 01:51:16,490
Betty, let's get out of here, you know?

1670
01:51:16,491 --> 01:51:18,150
We could go get some coffee or something.

1671
01:51:19,010 --> 01:51:20,490
Is somebody talking about coffee?

1672
01:51:22,530 --> 01:51:23,670
Oh, my God!

1673
01:51:24,290 --> 01:51:36,590
It's amazing to look at you.

1674
01:51:36,830 --> 01:51:37,770
It's so good to see you.

1675
01:51:37,771 --> 01:51:39,050
Thank you for stopping by.

1676
01:51:39,170 --> 01:51:41,910
Well, I was at Zaybards picking up a
noodle kugel.

1677
01:51:41,911 --> 01:51:42,911
Sure.

1678
01:51:43,430 --> 01:51:45,310
And I thought I'd come up and see the
girls.

1679
01:51:45,450 --> 01:51:46,450
You know, no big work.

1680
01:51:46,540 --> 01:51:48,830
Linda, we are thrilled you are here.

1681
01:51:48,850 --> 01:51:49,850
You look wonderful.

1682
01:51:49,930 --> 01:51:50,330
Thank you.

1683
01:51:50,350 --> 01:51:51,350
Look at you.

1684
01:51:51,450 --> 01:51:51,890
Both of you.

1685
01:51:51,930 --> 01:51:52,930
You look like butter.

1686
01:51:53,570 --> 01:51:54,630
Skin just like butter.

1687
01:51:54,790 --> 01:51:55,610
Oh, my God.

1688
01:51:55,710 --> 01:51:56,890
Linda, come on.

1689
01:51:56,910 --> 01:51:57,250
Linda, stop it.

1690
01:51:57,290 --> 01:51:58,050
Oh, come on.

1691
01:51:58,070 --> 01:51:58,470
Look at you.

1692
01:51:58,510 --> 01:51:59,650
Two big sticks of butter.

1693
01:51:59,710 --> 01:52:00,710
That's what you are.

1694
01:52:00,950 --> 01:52:05,170
Well, I do use a salve on my skin that is
made of stem cells and snail mucin.

1695
01:52:05,190 --> 01:52:06,410
I think it's snail sperm.

1696
01:52:07,150 --> 01:52:07,330
Yeah.

1697
01:52:07,350 --> 01:52:09,890
Well, and I have been drinking only six
nights a week.

1698
01:52:10,010 --> 01:52:10,670
Good for you.

1699
01:52:10,671 --> 01:52:11,470
Good for you.

1700
01:52:11,550 --> 01:52:12,550
Good for you.

1701
01:52:12,710 --> 01:52:16,350
So, tell us, Linda, how is our mutual
friend Paul Baldwin?

1702
01:52:16,710 --> 01:52:20,510
Well, our dear friend Paul Baldwin is in a
clinic here in the city.

1703
01:52:20,870 --> 01:52:23,370
He's got advanced spilkes in his
connect...

1704
01:52:24,350 --> 01:52:27,790
They flew him up from Boca Raton in an
iron lung.

1705
01:52:28,730 --> 01:52:29,030
Oh, no.

1706
01:52:29,130 --> 01:52:29,710
Poor, poor.

1707
01:52:29,850 --> 01:52:30,870
What a shander.

1708
01:52:30,990 --> 01:52:31,990
Poor Baldwin.

1709
01:52:32,130 --> 01:52:33,130
It's terrible.

1710
01:52:33,250 --> 01:52:35,950
I'm just telling you right now,
I'm getting a little verklempt.

1711
01:52:36,830 --> 01:52:38,050
Talk amongst yourselves.

1712
01:52:38,750 --> 01:52:40,190
I'll give you a topic.

1713
01:52:40,790 --> 01:52:43,830
The Progressive Era was neither
progressive nor an era.

1714
01:52:44,170 --> 01:52:45,170
Discuss.

1715
01:52:48,910 --> 01:52:50,650
Okay, I think I'm going to pull through.

1716
01:52:50,651 --> 01:52:50,890
You're right.

1717
01:52:51,050 --> 01:52:51,410
Thanks, God.

1718
01:52:51,590 --> 01:52:52,590
Poo, poo, poo.

1719
01:52:52,690 --> 01:52:55,030
So, Linda, how are you doing?

1720
01:52:55,070 --> 01:52:57,150
Well, it's been a tough year so far.

1721
01:52:57,190 --> 01:52:57,550
No.

1722
01:52:57,551 --> 01:52:58,650
Linda, what's wrong?

1723
01:52:58,810 --> 01:53:02,010
I have a hematoma prenomea infarctum.

1724
01:53:02,790 --> 01:53:04,990
Long story short, my zorch is on fire.

1725
01:53:05,650 --> 01:53:09,830
I had to have it moved up four inches,
you know, where my belly button used to be.

1726
01:53:09,890 --> 01:53:10,890
I can't wear belts.

1727
01:53:12,170 --> 01:53:12,710
Your what?

1728
01:53:12,890 --> 01:53:13,430
Your zorch.

1729
01:53:13,550 --> 01:53:14,250
My zorch.

1730
01:53:14,270 --> 01:53:14,730
Your what?

1731
01:53:14,850 --> 01:53:15,530
Your zorch.

1732
01:53:15,590 --> 01:53:16,150
My zorch.

1733
01:53:16,230 --> 01:53:18,390
I think she means her downtown area.

1734
01:53:18,530 --> 01:53:18,570
Yes.

1735
01:53:18,571 --> 01:53:19,450
All right, all right, all right.

1736
01:53:19,470 --> 01:53:21,710
Yes, yes, and sit-ups are out of the
question, for sure.

1737
01:53:22,170 --> 01:53:22,830
Give me a break.

1738
01:53:22,831 --> 01:53:23,850
Who wants to do sit-ups?

1739
01:53:23,851 --> 01:53:24,110
Who does?

1740
01:53:24,111 --> 01:53:25,070
You know what I want to do?

1741
01:53:25,090 --> 01:53:25,650
Sit down.

1742
01:53:25,810 --> 01:53:26,210
Exactly.

1743
01:53:26,670 --> 01:53:28,230
You know, who likes sitting down?

1744
01:53:28,380 --> 01:53:29,130
My stupid husband.

1745
01:53:29,131 --> 01:53:29,610
Here we go.

1746
01:53:29,890 --> 01:53:31,270
Yeah, I heard about the husband.

1747
01:53:31,410 --> 01:53:34,850
All he does is sit around and watch
Outlander reruns on Starz.

1748
01:53:34,851 --> 01:53:35,430
So dumb.

1749
01:53:35,690 --> 01:53:35,950
Yeah.

1750
01:53:36,510 --> 01:53:37,650
Now she's getting verklempt.

1751
01:53:37,850 --> 01:53:38,310
Here she goes.

1752
01:53:38,470 --> 01:53:39,470
Kick on the waterworks.

1753
01:53:39,550 --> 01:53:39,950
Okay.

1754
01:53:39,951 --> 01:53:40,990
So stupid.

1755
01:53:42,410 --> 01:53:43,550
But I love him so much.

1756
01:53:43,570 --> 01:53:44,030
I know.

1757
01:53:44,490 --> 01:53:44,650
I know.

1758
01:53:45,150 --> 01:53:46,410
Give me my four children.

1759
01:53:46,910 --> 01:53:48,090
I want them to live forever.

1760
01:53:48,130 --> 01:53:48,350
I know.

1761
01:53:48,351 --> 01:53:50,490
All right, well, you better pray he
doesn't get...

1762
01:53:50,491 --> 01:53:51,746
I'm never going to be able to say this.

1763
01:53:51,770 --> 01:53:53,650
His Splunk is oink in his gazoinky-joink.

1764
01:53:54,450 --> 01:53:55,730
Splunk is in his gazoinky-joink.

1765
01:53:55,980 --> 01:53:57,010
Now I'm getting verklempt again.

1766
01:53:57,030 --> 01:53:57,370
Here she goes.

1767
01:53:57,371 --> 01:53:57,850
I'm getting verklempt.

1768
01:53:58,010 --> 01:53:59,190
And I'm verklempt too.

1769
01:53:59,370 --> 01:54:00,330
Okay, well, everybody's crying.

1770
01:54:00,390 --> 01:54:03,090
My SSRIs must be booming because I don't
feel a thing.

1771
01:54:03,170 --> 01:54:03,530
Yes.

1772
01:54:04,030 --> 01:54:04,690
I'm a shell.

1773
01:54:04,830 --> 01:54:06,050
Can I just say something?

1774
01:54:07,290 --> 01:54:08,030
Can I just say something?

1775
01:54:08,031 --> 01:54:09,170
We're all miracles.

1776
01:54:09,630 --> 01:54:12,937
Maybe the secret of life
is that there are no big

1777
01:54:12,938 --> 01:54:16,250
whoops, only a series of
small agonizing whoops.

1778
01:54:16,370 --> 01:54:17,810
You are so right, Linda.

1779
01:54:17,830 --> 01:54:18,330
Bring it in.

1780
01:54:18,470 --> 01:54:19,570
You are so right, Linda.

1781
01:54:19,630 --> 01:54:20,250
You know what?

1782
01:54:20,590 --> 01:54:21,966
The whole world's going to blow up.

1783
01:54:21,990 --> 01:54:22,610
Yeah, who cares?

1784
01:54:22,770 --> 01:54:23,550
Smoke them if you got them.

1785
01:54:23,710 --> 01:54:24,110
Exactly.

1786
01:54:24,290 --> 01:54:25,290
Have a glass of wine.

1787
01:54:25,470 --> 01:54:26,090
So what, who cares?

1788
01:54:26,110 --> 01:54:27,110
Have two glasses of wine.

1789
01:54:27,230 --> 01:54:27,470
Who cares?

1790
01:54:27,590 --> 01:54:28,710
Yeah, you know what, ladies?

1791
01:54:29,070 --> 01:54:29,790
You know what we should do?

1792
01:54:29,810 --> 01:54:31,130
We should go for a glass of wine.

1793
01:54:31,170 --> 01:54:31,550
Right now.

1794
01:54:31,590 --> 01:54:32,590
You know what?

1795
01:54:32,630 --> 01:54:33,230
Bad news?

1796
01:54:33,610 --> 01:54:34,310
It's raining.

1797
01:54:34,510 --> 01:54:35,170
But good news?

1798
01:54:35,330 --> 01:54:36,050
It's sweater weather.

1799
01:54:36,170 --> 01:54:36,670
Sweater weather.

1800
01:54:36,671 --> 01:54:37,671
Sweater weather.

1801
01:54:37,770 --> 01:54:38,770
Sweater weather.

1802
01:54:41,480 --> 01:54:42,220
Sweater weather.

1803
01:54:42,480 --> 01:54:43,180
We're going to have some wine.

1804
01:54:43,320 --> 01:54:43,760
Let's go.

1805
01:54:44,220 --> 01:54:44,740
Sweater weather.

1806
01:54:44,940 --> 01:54:46,300
Did you have your sweater weather?

1807
01:54:58,350 --> 01:55:01,760
Ladies and gentlemen, Little Wayne and the
Roots.

1808
01:55:09,850 --> 01:55:12,550
Ladies and gentlemen, what the f**k
though?

1809
01:55:12,870 --> 01:55:13,870
Where the love go?

1810
01:55:14,190 --> 01:55:15,870
Five, four, three, two, I let one go.

1811
01:55:19,710 --> 01:55:20,710
Go,

1812
01:55:33,390 --> 01:55:35,370
five, four, three, two, I let one go.

1813
01:55:41,290 --> 01:55:43,450
Thank you.

1814
01:56:21,800 --> 01:56:24,540
And I ain't never seen a body like hers.

1815
01:56:24,760 --> 01:56:27,740
That body in my mouth had me lost for
words.

1816
01:56:28,020 --> 01:56:31,080
I told her back it up like burp,
burp.

1817
01:56:31,200 --> 01:56:34,340
She made that thing jump like rrrp,
rrrp.

1818
01:56:34,600 --> 01:56:37,780
And that's when she hit it.

1819
01:56:37,820 --> 01:56:40,900
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

1820
01:56:41,140 --> 01:56:42,340
Excuse my charisma.

1821
01:56:42,620 --> 01:56:43,880
Baka with a spritzer.

1822
01:56:44,160 --> 01:56:45,160
Swagger down pat.

1823
01:56:45,200 --> 01:56:46,620
You can call my Patricia.

1824
01:56:47,000 --> 01:56:48,100
Young money militia.

1825
01:56:48,300 --> 01:56:49,320
I am the commissioner.

1826
01:56:49,321 --> 01:56:52,380
You don't want to start reading,
cause the F is your finisher.

1827
01:56:52,700 --> 01:56:53,700
So misunderstood.

1828
01:56:53,800 --> 01:56:55,120
What's a world without enigma?

1829
01:56:55,300 --> 01:56:56,820
Two women at the same time.

1830
01:56:57,100 --> 01:56:58,100
Sanctronized swimmers.

1831
01:56:58,400 --> 01:57:00,900
Got the girl twisted, cause she open when
you twist her.

1832
01:57:01,020 --> 01:57:06,620
I never met the girl, but I, like I'm Mr.
Life is a, and death is a sister.

1833
01:57:06,900 --> 01:57:09,480
Sweet is a cousin with a ugly family
picture.

1834
01:57:09,820 --> 01:57:12,220
You know all the time, we all know mother
nature.

1835
01:57:12,460 --> 01:57:13,700
It's all in the family.

1836
01:57:13,960 --> 01:57:15,140
I am of no relation.

1837
01:57:15,400 --> 01:57:18,060
No matter who's buying, I'm a celebration.

1838
01:57:18,061 --> 01:57:20,960
Black and white diamond, segregation.

1839
01:57:21,720 --> 01:57:23,920
My money up, you just running up.

1840
01:57:24,140 --> 01:57:25,320
Young money running it.

1841
01:57:25,680 --> 01:57:26,740
Young boys just wanna hug.

1842
01:57:26,900 --> 01:57:28,140
I don't feel I done enough.

1843
01:57:28,420 --> 01:57:29,540
I'ma keep on doing this.

1844
01:57:29,541 --> 01:57:30,940
It's a 2G, a young tournament.

1845
01:57:31,480 --> 01:57:32,480
Ba-ba-da.

1846
01:59:40,440 --> 01:59:42,400
You can't beat them, then you pop them.

1847
01:59:42,480 --> 01:59:43,976
You can't man them, then you mob them.

1848
01:59:44,000 --> 01:59:45,380
You can't stand them, then you drop them.

1849
01:59:45,381 --> 01:59:49,080
You drop them cause we pop them right over
in my car.

1850
01:59:52,550 --> 01:59:53,550
I'm killed.

1851
01:59:54,730 --> 01:59:57,190
A million here, a million there.

1852
01:59:57,390 --> 01:59:59,050
So silly, you think we're long hair.

1853
01:59:59,270 --> 02:00:00,630
We work in a derriere.

1854
02:00:00,830 --> 02:00:02,170
I work in a business here.

1855
02:00:02,490 --> 02:00:03,850
I open a Lamborghini.

1856
02:00:04,090 --> 02:00:05,510
Open up to see me.

1857
02:00:05,650 --> 02:00:06,846
Look at that guy, that's so easy.

1858
02:00:06,870 --> 02:00:08,390
He's a beast, a dog.

1859
02:00:08,610 --> 02:00:09,770
That boy is a problem.

1860
02:00:09,771 --> 02:00:11,490
Look at your ribbon.

1861
02:00:11,590 --> 02:00:13,390
What's that going to a goblin?

1862
02:00:13,830 --> 02:00:14,310
Thank you.

1863
02:00:14,330 --> 02:00:15,330
Happy 50th year.

1864
02:00:27,440 --> 02:00:31,519
As we celebrate the
achievements of the past 50 years,

1865
02:00:31,520 --> 02:00:36,110
we must also take a moment
to honor those who we've lost.

1866
02:00:36,850 --> 02:00:41,710
Countless members of the SNL family taking
from us too soon.

1867
02:00:42,410 --> 02:00:48,451
I'm speaking of course about SNL characters
and sketches that have aged horribly.

1868
02:00:49,590 --> 02:00:56,910
But even though these characters,
accents, and let's just call them ethnic

1869
02:00:58,970 --> 02:01:06,970
wigs, were unquestionably in poor taste,
you all laughed at them.

1870
02:01:07,810 --> 02:01:13,930
So if anyone should be cancelled,
shouldn't it be you, the audience?

1871
02:01:13,931 --> 02:01:17,970
Something to think about.

1872
02:01:18,630 --> 02:01:22,930
Anyway, we now present to you this in
memoriam.

1873
02:01:34,330 --> 02:01:35,650
NAFTA helps us both.

1874
02:01:36,110 --> 02:01:38,650
It will give me a job, your job.

1875
02:01:39,610 --> 02:01:42,330
I make a cup of coffee for you,
believe me.

1876
02:01:42,410 --> 02:01:44,390
You like it, believe me.

1877
02:01:44,490 --> 02:01:48,610
Now why

1878
02:01:53,920 --> 02:01:57,300
don't you drop out of that green jumpsuit
and show me that fat ass?

1879
02:01:58,600 --> 02:02:01,860
Hey sexy, what do you say
we adjourn to the janitor's

1880
02:02:01,920 --> 02:02:04,160
closet, jot chow, and
see if I can hit baby?

1881
02:02:04,300 --> 02:02:06,740
I've been at the library researching
cloaking smells.

1882
02:02:08,720 --> 02:02:10,920
We are reaching a rude boy shampoo,
you know?

1883
02:02:12,800 --> 02:02:15,120
It looks like this is my lucky day.

1884
02:02:16,280 --> 02:02:18,040
I'll take the rapists for 200.

1885
02:02:18,300 --> 02:02:19,300
That's therapist.

1886
02:02:20,200 --> 02:02:22,740
Don't look at my bum, I don't look at your
bum.

1887
02:02:23,780 --> 02:02:27,140
I made a little video diary to show
everybody how it is to be a host here.

1888
02:02:27,220 --> 02:02:29,960
I made my grandmother's special recipe for
Cocker Spaniel.

1889
02:02:31,320 --> 02:02:33,680
Alright, Margaret, you wanted prime rib,
okay?

1890
02:02:33,681 --> 02:02:37,980
I know it's not your first choice,
but keep in mind, you're a ______ dog.

1891
02:02:39,340 --> 02:02:40,980
Don't tell the other way.

1892
02:02:48,590 --> 02:02:49,770
Jane, you ignorant slut.

1893
02:02:52,090 --> 02:02:55,371
They got guys dancing
with guys, girls dancing with

1894
02:02:55,372 --> 02:02:57,830
girls, guys who look like
girls dancing with girls.

1895
02:02:57,890 --> 02:02:59,010
They're gay, all right.

1896
02:02:59,070 --> 02:03:01,230
You don't even know what gay is.

1897
02:03:01,545 --> 02:03:02,910
Our fetus ain't quibble.

1898
02:03:03,230 --> 02:03:04,570
Gay Hitler, everyone.

1899
02:03:04,790 --> 02:03:09,030
I didn't like it the first time when it
was called Chasing Amy.

1900
02:03:09,090 --> 02:03:10,350
Shut up, you ass.

1901
02:03:10,351 --> 02:03:13,970
Oh my god, that athlete just yelled at
that mentally challenged guy.

1902
02:03:15,070 --> 02:03:18,150
Run, throw, and catch like a girl
Olympics.

1903
02:03:19,270 --> 02:03:20,150
The winner is...

1904
02:03:20,151 --> 02:03:22,173
For those of you hissing
at that joke, it should

1905
02:03:22,174 --> 02:03:24,090
be noted that that joke
was written by a woman.

1906
02:03:24,190 --> 02:03:25,870
No, I'm just kidding, we don't hire women.

1907
02:03:26,770 --> 02:03:30,670
Happy holidays to everyone except New
Jersey.

1908
02:03:33,530 --> 02:03:35,070
What the hell was that?

1909
02:03:35,071 --> 02:03:38,730
Happy holidays, Mr. Jackson.

1910
02:03:41,660 --> 02:03:45,100
Please welcome Ma Shu Quinn, Shu Chow,
and Li Hai.

1911
02:03:50,850 --> 02:03:53,290
Welcome to the celebrity battle of the
sexes and races.

1912
02:03:53,470 --> 02:03:54,170
Oh, Jason.

1913
02:03:54,370 --> 02:03:56,166
You know you're a pretty beautiful woman,
huh?

1914
02:03:56,190 --> 02:03:57,210
Robert Blaine.

1915
02:03:57,710 --> 02:03:58,270
Puff Daddy.

1916
02:03:58,350 --> 02:03:59,690
Don't judge a book by its cover.

1917
02:04:00,310 --> 02:04:01,890
My man is like R.

1918
02:04:02,130 --> 02:04:02,150
Kelly.

1919
02:04:02,210 --> 02:04:03,210
Thank you to R.

1920
02:04:03,290 --> 02:04:03,550
Kelly.

1921
02:04:04,270 --> 02:04:05,990
I'm Jared Fogle from Subway.

1922
02:04:07,550 --> 02:04:08,550
Black trash.

1923
02:04:09,570 --> 02:04:10,570
Jungle bunny.

1924
02:04:10,930 --> 02:04:11,930
Hunker.

1925
02:04:13,130 --> 02:04:13,610
Spade.

1926
02:04:14,090 --> 02:04:15,570
Hunky hunker.

1927
02:04:18,550 --> 02:04:19,030
F***.

1928
02:04:19,310 --> 02:04:20,370
Dead hunker.

1929
02:04:28,050 --> 02:04:29,050
Hi, guys.

1930
02:04:29,370 --> 02:04:30,370
Hi, Ayo.

1931
02:04:30,630 --> 02:04:31,630
Hi, Drew.

1932
02:04:31,810 --> 02:04:32,290
Hi.

1933
02:04:32,450 --> 02:04:33,470
Good to see you.

1934
02:04:33,490 --> 02:04:34,510
Good to see you, Drew.

1935
02:04:34,650 --> 02:04:35,706
I didn't know you knew Ayo.

1936
02:04:35,730 --> 02:04:37,506
Oh, yeah, we just met in the bathroom,
actually.

1937
02:04:37,530 --> 02:04:38,530
Crawled under her stall.

1938
02:04:38,820 --> 02:04:39,820
I'm a big fan.

1939
02:04:40,190 --> 02:04:41,290
My kind of gal.

1940
02:04:41,291 --> 02:04:43,190
What a night, huh?

1941
02:04:43,230 --> 02:04:43,990
Let's celebrate.

1942
02:04:44,210 --> 02:04:44,710
I know.

1943
02:04:44,790 --> 02:04:45,250
You know what?

1944
02:04:45,450 --> 02:04:46,670
Is there a bartender here?

1945
02:04:47,775 --> 02:04:48,950
What can I get you?

1946
02:04:54,380 --> 02:04:55,980
You know, it's a celebration.

1947
02:04:56,140 --> 02:04:56,900
I'm thinking some bubbly.

1948
02:04:57,040 --> 02:04:58,080
Yeah, let's do it.

1949
02:04:58,081 --> 02:04:58,620
I love that.

1950
02:04:58,680 --> 02:04:59,680
Yeah, it's great.

1951
02:05:00,020 --> 02:05:01,020
Here you go, guys.

1952
02:05:01,280 --> 02:05:01,840
Thank you.

1953
02:05:01,960 --> 02:05:02,740
All right.

1954
02:05:02,920 --> 02:05:03,320
Here it is.

1955
02:05:03,700 --> 02:05:04,700
Party.

1956
02:05:05,020 --> 02:05:06,020
SNL 50.

1957
02:05:06,280 --> 02:05:07,280
Cheers.

1958
02:05:07,620 --> 02:05:09,800
Are you seeing the latest study on
alcohol?

1959
02:05:11,600 --> 02:05:15,800
Even one drink can significantly slash
life expectancy.

1960
02:05:31,920 --> 02:05:32,920
Okay,

1961
02:05:36,580 --> 02:05:39,420
I think, you know, sometimes you just got
to celebrate.

1962
02:05:39,445 --> 02:05:41,120
I mean, this is such a special night.

1963
02:05:41,240 --> 02:05:41,600
I agree.

1964
02:05:41,920 --> 02:05:43,760
To SNL, here's to another 50 years.

1965
02:05:44,600 --> 02:05:45,600
Cheers.

1966
02:05:45,940 --> 02:05:48,360
This helps humanity last that long.

1967
02:05:49,040 --> 02:05:52,100
At this point, it looks like we're going
the way of the white rhino.

1968
02:05:53,350 --> 02:05:54,431
What are you talking about?

1969
02:05:55,220 --> 02:05:58,720
There are only two left in captivity,
and they're both female.

1970
02:06:01,920 --> 02:06:08,380
Well, here is a toast to all of the
friends we've made, both old and new.

1971
02:06:08,381 --> 02:06:09,460
Aw, two friends.

1972
02:06:09,820 --> 02:06:10,820
Hey, amen to that.

1973
02:06:11,080 --> 02:06:13,240
Hey, just a heads up.

1974
02:06:13,420 --> 02:06:14,760
We don't have any eggs.

1975
02:06:15,560 --> 02:06:16,560
What?

1976
02:06:17,520 --> 02:06:18,760
Why would we want eggs?

1977
02:06:19,360 --> 02:06:21,060
Bird Blue's on the rampage.

1978
02:06:21,320 --> 02:06:24,880
Millions of fowl have already been culled.

1979
02:06:29,380 --> 02:06:31,580
Debbie, we're trying to have fun,
okay?

1980
02:06:31,600 --> 02:06:32,300
We're trying to have a nice time.

1981
02:06:32,540 --> 02:06:33,620
Why don't you go take five?

1982
02:06:33,760 --> 02:06:35,440
Believe me, I'd love to sit down.

1983
02:06:35,560 --> 02:06:37,120
My right foot is throbbing.

1984
02:06:37,570 --> 02:06:39,940
Pretty sure it's my old friend Gout.

1985
02:06:45,290 --> 02:06:46,390
Thank you.

1986
02:06:49,410 --> 02:06:50,010
Hey.

1987
02:06:50,370 --> 02:06:51,370
Hey, Bobby!

1988
02:06:54,700 --> 02:06:56,340
Nice to see you.

1989
02:06:56,780 --> 02:06:59,320
Excuse me, I'm just such a big fan.

1990
02:07:01,690 --> 02:07:02,771
Well, it's good to see you.

1991
02:07:04,940 --> 02:07:07,920
Can I have a tequila and a soda with a
straw?

1992
02:07:08,460 --> 02:07:09,720
You talking to me?

1993
02:07:11,060 --> 02:07:12,460
You talking to me?

1994
02:07:14,180 --> 02:07:15,380
Is that supposed to be a joke?

1995
02:07:16,280 --> 02:07:17,280
No, I'm asking.

1996
02:07:17,390 --> 02:07:20,820
I have dry eye, and it's hard to discern
if you were talking to me.

1997
02:07:26,200 --> 02:07:27,260
Just give me a drink.

1998
02:07:28,040 --> 02:07:28,740
Okay, sure.

1999
02:07:28,900 --> 02:07:29,520
Coming right up.

2000
02:07:29,680 --> 02:07:30,680
Here you go.

2001
02:07:30,760 --> 02:07:31,780
There you go with that.

2002
02:07:32,935 --> 02:07:33,935
There you go.

2003
02:07:34,940 --> 02:07:36,760
Kind of surprised you want a straw.

2004
02:07:38,360 --> 02:07:39,360
Why's that?

2005
02:07:40,420 --> 02:07:40,940
Microplastics.

2006
02:07:41,420 --> 02:07:44,140
At this point, we're all walking
landfills.

2007
02:07:48,610 --> 02:07:52,070
Sorry, they've already taken up residence
in your testes.

2008
02:08:00,200 --> 02:08:04,700
Deborah, I'm going to talk now,
and you're going to shut it.

2009
02:08:05,660 --> 02:08:08,140
I do not appreciate this conversation.

2010
02:08:08,840 --> 02:08:11,500
I don't want to talk about plastic in my
balls.

2011
02:08:12,200 --> 02:08:15,138
I want to laugh and
feel joy and have a sliver

2012
02:08:15,139 --> 02:08:18,601
of hope for three
goddamn hours of my life.

2013
02:08:18,740 --> 02:08:19,740
That's all I want.

2014
02:08:19,980 --> 02:08:24,240
I came here tonight to get a little
friggin' break from our world right now,

2015
02:08:24,720 --> 02:08:27,820
which is like living in a full diaper.

2016
02:08:28,880 --> 02:08:32,660
Diapers are a leading culprit in the
microplastic saga.

2017
02:08:40,520 --> 02:08:41,480
It's not worth it.

2018
02:08:41,481 --> 02:08:42,200
It's not worth it.

2019
02:08:42,320 --> 02:08:43,840
She thinks she's helping, okay?

2020
02:08:43,915 --> 02:08:46,920
My kids taught me to think the best of
people.

2021
02:08:47,760 --> 02:08:49,460
Speaking of kids, it's official.

2022
02:08:49,680 --> 02:08:51,060
I can't have children.

2023
02:08:57,760 --> 02:08:59,720
I told you that once, Jimmy.

2024
02:08:59,960 --> 02:09:00,760
Yeah, did you?

2025
02:09:00,820 --> 02:09:01,880
Yeah, I don't remember it.

2026
02:09:03,420 --> 02:09:04,480
You know what, Debbie?

2027
02:09:05,720 --> 02:09:06,720
Jimmy's right.

2028
02:09:06,980 --> 02:09:08,820
Why don't you join us in a toast?

2029
02:09:09,780 --> 02:09:10,280
Okay.

2030
02:09:10,640 --> 02:09:12,220
Okay, let me get my drink.

2031
02:09:16,080 --> 02:09:20,880
To laughter, to friendship, to 50 years!

2032
02:09:21,060 --> 02:09:24,600
And to continuing advances in curing
feline aids.

2033
02:09:24,820 --> 02:09:27,320
It's the number one killer of domestic
cats.

2034
02:09:27,680 --> 02:09:28,140
Meow!

2035
02:09:28,400 --> 02:09:29,400
Meow!

2036
02:09:30,600 --> 02:09:32,220
No, you can't stop, Debbie.

2037
02:09:33,320 --> 02:09:52,650
Come on, seriously.

2038
02:09:55,690 --> 02:09:57,770
All right, you knuckleheads, listen up!

2039
02:09:58,510 --> 02:09:59,990
I bet you'd think robbing a convenience
store is a good idea.

2040
02:09:59,991 --> 02:10:01,890
A convenience store is pretty boss,
huh?

2041
02:10:02,230 --> 02:10:02,610
Yeah.

2042
02:10:02,611 --> 02:10:03,330
Yeah, whatever, man.

2043
02:10:03,350 --> 02:10:04,350
Get bent.

2044
02:10:04,470 --> 02:10:05,470
All right.

2045
02:10:05,530 --> 02:10:07,710
Yeah, you may think this is one big joke,
but it's not.

2046
02:10:08,000 --> 02:10:11,190
That's why I invited two representatives
from the Scared Straight program.

2047
02:10:12,130 --> 02:10:16,170
They're inmates over at Larchmont Maximum
Security Prison, and they're here to warn

2048
02:10:16,171 --> 02:10:18,190
you about the dangers of a criminal
lifestyle.

2049
02:10:19,190 --> 02:10:19,670
McIntosh!

2050
02:10:19,890 --> 02:10:20,070
May!

2051
02:10:20,150 --> 02:10:21,150
Get in here!

2052
02:10:21,470 --> 02:10:23,210
All right, here we come!

2053
02:10:28,750 --> 02:10:30,190
Sit your asses down!

2054
02:10:32,510 --> 02:10:33,870
Man, I said on your feet!

2055
02:10:35,990 --> 02:10:39,510
Sit your asses down before I kill somebody
in this mother...

2056
02:10:40,350 --> 02:10:41,350
All right.

2057
02:10:42,050 --> 02:10:44,870
My name is Lorenzo McIntosh.

2058
02:10:46,010 --> 02:10:50,330
And my name is All the Way Ray May,
because I don't do nothing halfway.

2059
02:11:00,980 --> 02:11:02,240
What they in here for, chief?

2060
02:11:03,680 --> 02:11:04,260
Let me guess.

2061
02:11:04,300 --> 02:11:06,200
Manipulating crypto market?

2062
02:11:07,420 --> 02:11:08,900
No, no, that's a terrible guess.

2063
02:11:09,260 --> 02:11:09,260
No.

2064
02:11:09,660 --> 02:11:11,500
No, I caught these little bozos
shoplifting.

2065
02:11:11,640 --> 02:11:12,840
Oh, shoplifting, huh?

2066
02:11:13,260 --> 02:11:14,560
Oh, it starts with shoplifting.

2067
02:11:15,130 --> 02:11:16,130
Guess where it ends?

2068
02:11:16,620 --> 02:11:17,620
Genocide!

2069
02:11:19,920 --> 02:11:20,920
What?

2070
02:11:21,140 --> 02:11:22,140
What?

2071
02:11:22,280 --> 02:11:22,680
Boy!

2072
02:11:23,160 --> 02:11:24,540
You better listen up!

2073
02:11:25,080 --> 02:11:26,660
You think you tough, huh?

2074
02:11:26,820 --> 02:11:28,000
You real street.

2075
02:11:28,660 --> 02:11:29,660
Well, guess what?

2076
02:11:29,960 --> 02:11:33,780
When I was a boy, I watched both my
parents die in these streets.

2077
02:11:34,130 --> 02:11:35,130
That's right.

2078
02:11:35,200 --> 02:11:38,700
And the family that adopted him made him
sleep under the staircase.

2079
02:11:39,460 --> 02:11:42,176
Until one day I got a
letter from an owl telling me

2080
02:11:42,177 --> 02:11:45,520
I had to report to some
kind of school for wizards.

2081
02:11:47,080 --> 02:11:48,940
Is that what you want, huh?

2082
02:11:49,500 --> 02:11:52,563
You and Hermione got to
stop he-who-must-not-be-named

2083
02:11:52,564 --> 02:11:54,940
before he gets his hands
on the source of a stone?

2084
02:11:55,460 --> 02:11:56,500
Because this here is real!

2085
02:11:57,400 --> 02:11:58,840
That's definitely Harry Potter.

2086
02:11:59,500 --> 02:12:01,640
Hey, boy, you better... Oh, no!

2087
02:12:01,641 --> 02:12:03,380
Shut your damn mouth!

2088
02:12:04,940 --> 02:12:06,000
Shut your damn mouth!

2089
02:12:06,100 --> 02:12:07,640
You must be out your mind.

2090
02:12:08,600 --> 02:12:11,740
Because in prison, there'll be a dude
entering your chamber of secrets.

2091
02:12:12,880 --> 02:12:15,500
He'll be slipping right into your ass
caban.

2092
02:12:16,280 --> 02:12:18,740
Yeah, you're not gonna be in Hogwarts.

2093
02:12:19,360 --> 02:12:21,220
There'll be warts on your hog.

2094
02:12:22,680 --> 02:12:23,940
From all the hufflepuffing!

2095
02:12:24,780 --> 02:12:30,000
Then the dude I would describe as Sirius
Black is gonna wave his wand in your face

2096
02:12:30,705 --> 02:12:33,200
and say, expecto fallatio!

2097
02:12:33,700 --> 02:12:34,180
Hey!

2098
02:12:34,420 --> 02:12:34,800
Hey!

2099
02:12:34,801 --> 02:12:35,801
No, no, no!

2100
02:12:35,960 --> 02:12:36,960
Absolutely not!

2101
02:12:37,040 --> 02:12:38,040
Come on, now!

2102
02:12:38,800 --> 02:12:40,800
Come on, expecto fallatio!

2103
02:12:41,620 --> 02:12:43,720
Good Lord, fellas, come on, that's a
children's book!

2104
02:12:44,900 --> 02:12:45,380
Apologize.

2105
02:12:45,381 --> 02:12:46,381
That's on us, chief.

2106
02:12:46,925 --> 02:12:47,840
We stepped on the line.

2107
02:12:47,900 --> 02:12:49,060
That's just a two-point shot.

2108
02:12:51,680 --> 02:12:53,980
Now, which one of y'all is the ringleader?

2109
02:12:56,080 --> 02:12:59,700
Well, I didn't realize it was national
right out of Latino Day.

2110
02:13:00,670 --> 02:13:02,000
Get on your damn feet!

2111
02:13:02,760 --> 02:13:04,380
Oh, yeah, look at them pretty brown eyes.

2112
02:13:04,400 --> 02:13:06,980
They gonna love you in prison,
Arianna Paquino.

2113
02:13:08,620 --> 02:13:10,160
Now, why'd you shoplift, huh?

2114
02:13:10,480 --> 02:13:12,260
I was just trying to impress my
girlfriend.

2115
02:13:12,600 --> 02:13:13,640
She thick as hell.

2116
02:13:14,740 --> 02:13:16,440
You think I never tried to impress a
woman?

2117
02:13:17,200 --> 02:13:20,160
You know once I was a 400-pound professor,
huh?

2118
02:13:20,460 --> 02:13:22,120
And I fell in love with Jane Pinkett!

2119
02:13:24,140 --> 02:13:27,393
But he was ashamed
of his weight, so he drank

2120
02:13:27,394 --> 02:13:30,521
a serum that turned
him into Buddy Love.

2121
02:13:30,900 --> 02:13:32,100
Isn't that what you want, huh?

2122
02:13:32,760 --> 02:13:33,480
Isn't it?

2123
02:13:33,660 --> 02:13:36,008
Then you go to a dinner
at the club's house and you

2124
02:13:36,009 --> 02:13:38,780
realize that everybody at
the table is the same person.

2125
02:13:43,780 --> 02:13:47,860
Yo, okay, that's almost certainly the
Nutty Professor.

2126
02:13:48,360 --> 02:13:49,360
Oh, no!

2127
02:13:49,860 --> 02:13:51,080
Just pay him!

2128
02:13:51,280 --> 02:13:52,280
Just pay him!

2129
02:13:52,860 --> 02:13:54,080
Do what he did!

2130
02:13:54,460 --> 02:13:55,420
Do what he did!

2131
02:13:55,421 --> 02:13:57,000
Watch what he does!

2132
02:13:58,405 --> 02:13:59,726
But that's what you're gonna get!

2133
02:14:00,140 --> 02:14:02,320
You better shut your damn mouth!

2134
02:14:03,980 --> 02:14:08,292
Because in prison, you'll
be professing your love of

2135
02:14:08,293 --> 02:14:12,300
nuts, all right, but you won't
be losing no 200 pounds.

2136
02:14:12,800 --> 02:14:14,080
You'll be gaining nine inches!

2137
02:14:14,820 --> 02:14:16,620
They gonna give you a secret potion.

2138
02:14:17,620 --> 02:14:18,740
Muscle relaxers.

2139
02:14:19,320 --> 02:14:23,920
You be handling so many dudes at once,
they'll all be cheering at the same time.

2140
02:14:23,921 --> 02:14:24,921
Hurt to leave!

2141
02:14:25,000 --> 02:14:25,580
Hurt to leave!

2142
02:14:25,860 --> 02:14:26,680
No, no, no!

2143
02:14:26,880 --> 02:14:27,880
Absolutely not!

2144
02:14:28,280 --> 02:14:32,560
No, I look, I, no, hey, I let that go way
too long because I'm a fan of the film.

2145
02:14:32,780 --> 02:14:33,780
But come on!

2146
02:14:34,640 --> 02:14:36,600
These are children, fellas, all right?

2147
02:14:36,780 --> 02:14:37,940
30-year-old children.

2148
02:14:38,980 --> 02:14:39,400
Come on.

2149
02:14:39,720 --> 02:14:41,280
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

2150
02:14:42,300 --> 02:14:47,730
Let me tell you how.

2151
02:14:48,370 --> 02:14:51,470
No one else is wearing their spring
uniform.

2152
02:14:58,500 --> 02:14:59,960
Who the hell is this guy?

2153
02:15:00,320 --> 02:15:01,120
That's Big Ray.

2154
02:15:01,121 --> 02:15:01,860
That's right.

2155
02:15:01,880 --> 02:15:03,120
They called me Big Red.

2156
02:15:04,300 --> 02:15:05,300
Because of your hair?

2157
02:15:05,740 --> 02:15:07,500
No, because I'm well red.

2158
02:15:09,340 --> 02:15:12,300
I got six GEDs and a nagging UTI.

2159
02:15:13,420 --> 02:15:15,080
And I'd like to offer a counterpoint.

2160
02:15:15,160 --> 02:15:15,580
Prison?

2161
02:15:16,120 --> 02:15:17,400
Actually really fun.

2162
02:15:18,280 --> 02:15:19,540
I'm in an improv group.

2163
02:15:20,240 --> 02:15:21,940
I'm scrapbooking like crazy.

2164
02:15:27,830 --> 02:15:28,830
Outside?

2165
02:15:29,090 --> 02:15:30,690
I never used to get laid.

2166
02:15:31,110 --> 02:15:33,610
Now I'm having sex 50, 60 times a day.

2167
02:15:33,611 --> 02:15:34,611
It's incredible.

2168
02:15:35,350 --> 02:15:36,866
Yeah, but don't let all of that fool you.

2169
02:15:36,890 --> 02:15:38,410
This man is tough as nails.

2170
02:15:38,610 --> 02:15:40,090
Tough as press on nails.

2171
02:15:41,230 --> 02:15:42,710
You better believe that, buster.

2172
02:15:42,990 --> 02:15:44,310
Tell him your story, Red.

2173
02:15:45,750 --> 02:15:51,410
Well, you see, I was abandoned as a baby
by my human parents.

2174
02:15:52,910 --> 02:15:55,690
So I was forced to grow up at the North
Pole.

2175
02:15:56,810 --> 02:15:58,910
And you know, well, I'm just going to skip
ahead.

2176
02:15:59,030 --> 02:15:59,430
It's Elf.

2177
02:15:59,470 --> 02:16:00,570
I'm talking about Elf.

2178
02:16:04,970 --> 02:16:06,430
This here is real.

2179
02:16:06,750 --> 02:16:07,850
This here is Elf.

2180
02:16:08,050 --> 02:16:09,070
I mean real.

2181
02:16:10,890 --> 02:16:14,610
Wait, so you were an Elf?

2182
02:16:15,415 --> 02:16:16,890
I knew you were a little bitch.

2183
02:16:17,170 --> 02:16:19,970
Oh, he's trying to play us out,
Red.

2184
02:16:20,130 --> 02:16:21,350
You killed his mother.

2185
02:16:21,890 --> 02:16:23,470
The night that lights went out,
Georgia.

2186
02:16:27,230 --> 02:16:29,610
You better keep your damn mouth shut.

2187
02:16:30,430 --> 02:16:34,430
Because in prison, you're not going to be
named Elf.

2188
02:16:34,610 --> 02:16:36,291
You're not going to be an Elf named Buddy.

2189
02:16:38,270 --> 02:16:39,010
You're not.

2190
02:16:39,270 --> 02:16:39,610
No.

2191
02:16:39,770 --> 02:16:40,210
No.

2192
02:16:40,730 --> 02:16:43,710
You're going to get Elfed in your butt,
Gene.

2193
02:16:45,030 --> 02:16:46,030
I'm trying.

2194
02:16:46,110 --> 02:16:46,650
I'm trying.

2195
02:16:46,770 --> 02:16:47,410
No, you're doing good.

2196
02:16:47,530 --> 02:16:47,970
That's right.

2197
02:16:47,990 --> 02:16:48,510
That's right.

2198
02:16:48,630 --> 02:16:50,110
And forget about your North Pole.

2199
02:16:50,370 --> 02:16:52,971
What you're going to need to be worrying
about is your South Pole.

2200
02:16:54,230 --> 02:16:57,690
Because you'll be yelling son of a
nutcracker, all right?

2201
02:16:58,900 --> 02:17:00,930
But it won't be no Santa coming to town.

2202
02:17:01,110 --> 02:17:03,150
It'll be Santos coming in your brain.

2203
02:17:03,490 --> 02:17:03,850
No.

2204
02:17:04,350 --> 02:17:04,710
No.

2205
02:17:05,310 --> 02:17:06,030
Come on.

2206
02:17:06,090 --> 02:17:06,530
Good God.

2207
02:17:06,970 --> 02:17:07,530
What was I thinking?

2208
02:17:07,630 --> 02:17:07,790
No.

2209
02:17:07,830 --> 02:17:08,290
Get out of here.

2210
02:17:08,330 --> 02:17:08,590
All right.

2211
02:17:08,591 --> 02:17:09,010
Let's go.

2212
02:17:09,110 --> 02:17:09,370
Come on.

2213
02:17:09,550 --> 02:17:10,170
Let's go.

2214
02:17:10,490 --> 02:17:11,090
That's no way.

2215
02:17:11,490 --> 02:17:11,870
No way.

2216
02:17:12,210 --> 02:17:12,850
No thank you.

2217
02:17:12,851 --> 02:17:13,390
That's okay.

2218
02:17:13,550 --> 02:17:14,030
That's okay.

2219
02:17:14,390 --> 02:17:14,970
Red, come on.

2220
02:17:15,070 --> 02:17:15,870
Red, we got to go.

2221
02:17:16,090 --> 02:17:17,450
Red, we got to go, man.

2222
02:17:17,850 --> 02:17:18,850
We got to go.

2223
02:17:25,950 --> 02:17:26,950
Boy.

2224
02:17:31,170 --> 02:17:32,490
I don't know what I was thinking.

2225
02:17:32,810 --> 02:17:34,376
I don't know how that would be helpful,
you know?

2226
02:17:34,400 --> 02:17:36,390
Ask what Brown could do for you.

2227
02:17:36,450 --> 02:17:36,970
Hey, come on.

2228
02:17:36,971 --> 02:17:37,270
Enough.

2229
02:17:37,350 --> 02:17:37,750
I'm sorry.

2230
02:17:37,810 --> 02:17:38,250
That's too much.

2231
02:17:38,390 --> 02:17:39,210
It's too much.

2232
02:17:39,370 --> 02:17:39,690
It's all right.

2233
02:17:39,770 --> 02:17:40,770
You already apologized.

2234
02:18:10,490 --> 02:18:11,750
Hello, y'all.

2235
02:18:11,830 --> 02:18:14,110
I am Garrett Morris.

2236
02:18:19,370 --> 02:18:20,030
Wait a minute.

2237
02:18:20,250 --> 02:18:22,130
Are there any cops in the audience?

2238
02:18:23,410 --> 02:18:25,910
Then I am Garrett Morris, okay?

2239
02:18:26,390 --> 02:18:32,890
And way back there, when I joined the cast
of Saturday Night Live, I had no idea,

2240
02:18:32,891 --> 02:18:38,150
y'all, that I would be required to do so
many reunion shows.

2241
02:18:42,990 --> 02:18:44,990
But here I am, okay?

2242
02:18:45,470 --> 02:18:47,450
Now look at this film you're going to see.

2243
02:18:48,190 --> 02:18:51,250
It's a great film made by my man,
Tom Schiller.

2244
02:18:53,450 --> 02:18:54,650
In 1978.

2245
02:18:55,210 --> 02:18:58,650
And it features the entire cast.

2246
02:18:59,010 --> 02:19:01,910
So sit back, relax, and enjoy.

2247
02:19:02,010 --> 02:19:04,590
Look back in anger.

2248
02:19:18,610 --> 02:19:20,450
I guess this is my stuff.

2249
02:19:46,370 --> 02:19:48,950
Die young, leave a good-looking corpse.

2250
02:19:50,810 --> 02:19:52,050
Well, I guess they were wrong.

2251
02:19:53,330 --> 02:19:54,330
There they are.

2252
02:19:57,120 --> 02:19:59,660
This is a not ready for prime time
cemetery.

2253
02:20:15,970 --> 02:20:17,310
Here's Gilda Radner.

2254
02:20:20,390 --> 02:20:24,570
She had her own show on Canadian
television for years and years.

2255
02:20:24,730 --> 02:20:26,110
The Gilda Radner Show.

2256
02:20:27,850 --> 02:20:29,690
Well, at least now I can see her on
reruns.

2257
02:20:30,550 --> 02:20:32,350
Here's a button, God bless her.

2258
02:20:32,830 --> 02:20:34,050
Here's where Lorraine is.

2259
02:20:35,210 --> 02:20:37,290
They say she murdered her DJ husband.

2260
02:20:39,570 --> 02:20:43,030
Then moved to the Valley in California and
had a pecan farm.

2261
02:20:45,070 --> 02:20:46,930
She was this big when she died.

2262
02:20:49,130 --> 02:20:50,410
Jane Curtin.

2263
02:20:51,130 --> 02:20:53,750
She married a stockbroker, had two
children.

2264
02:20:54,670 --> 02:20:56,290
Moved to upstate New York.

2265
02:20:57,370 --> 02:21:01,090
She died of complications during cosmetic
surgery.

2266
02:21:04,050 --> 02:21:05,130
Here's Garrett Morris.

2267
02:21:08,080 --> 02:21:12,200
Garrett left the show and then worked in
the Black Theater for years.

2268
02:21:12,700 --> 02:21:14,520
And he died of an overdose of heroin.

2269
02:21:16,320 --> 02:21:17,380
Here's Bill Murray.

2270
02:21:17,381 --> 02:21:19,420
He lived the longest.

2271
02:21:20,080 --> 02:21:21,320
38 years.

2272
02:21:22,680 --> 02:21:25,040
Well, he was happy when he died though.

2273
02:21:25,820 --> 02:21:27,760
He just grown his mustache back.

2274
02:21:29,920 --> 02:21:30,920
Probably still growing.

2275
02:21:32,000 --> 02:21:33,380
Over here is...

2276
02:21:34,540 --> 02:21:35,540
Chevy Chase.

2277
02:21:37,035 --> 02:21:39,680
He died right after his first movie with
Goldie Hawn.

2278
02:21:42,520 --> 02:21:45,380
Over here... is Danny Ackroyd.

2279
02:21:46,380 --> 02:21:48,740
I guess he loved his Harley too much.

2280
02:21:49,660 --> 02:21:53,760
They clocked him at 175 miles an hour
before the crash.

2281
02:21:54,720 --> 02:21:55,720
It was a blur.

2282
02:21:57,260 --> 02:21:59,500
I had to be called in to identify his
body.

2283
02:22:00,600 --> 02:22:02,460
I recognized him by his webbed toes.

2284
02:22:11,770 --> 02:22:15,600
The Saturday night show was the best
experience of my life.

2285
02:22:17,540 --> 02:22:18,860
But now they're all gone.

2286
02:22:20,260 --> 02:22:23,040
I miss every one of them.

2287
02:22:24,860 --> 02:22:25,860
Why me?

2288
02:22:27,100 --> 02:22:28,820
Why did I live so long?

2289
02:22:30,700 --> 02:22:31,700
They're all dead.

2290
02:22:34,640 --> 02:22:35,940
I'll tell you why.

2291
02:22:37,220 --> 02:22:38,520
Because I'm a dancer.

2292
02:22:38,720 --> 02:22:41,220
Thank you.

2293
02:23:07,725 --> 02:23:11,460
Ladies and gentlemen, Sir Paul McCartney.

2294
02:23:44,550 --> 02:23:47,550
And I will sing the lullaby.

2295
02:24:13,570 --> 02:24:15,950
And I will sing the lullaby.

2296
02:24:19,210 --> 02:24:20,950
Once there was a way...

2297
02:24:25,390 --> 02:24:26,390
homeward.

2298
02:24:31,260 --> 02:24:32,870
Once there was a way...

2299
02:24:35,320 --> 02:24:37,800
to get back home.

2300
02:24:38,440 --> 02:24:40,760
Now sleep pretty night.

2301
02:24:41,000 --> 02:24:42,100
Do not cry.

2302
02:24:45,430 --> 02:24:47,930
And I will sing the lullaby.

2303
02:24:48,950 --> 02:24:50,170
Gonna

2304
02:24:53,370 --> 02:24:59,540
carry that weight, weight along.

2305
02:25:41,780 --> 02:25:46,680
I only send you my invitations.

2306
02:25:47,980 --> 02:25:55,060
And in the middle of the celebration,
I break down.

2307
02:28:26,290 --> 02:28:33,890
Beauty is equal to the love.

2308
02:28:34,370 --> 02:28:37,710
You made

2309
02:29:21,510 --> 02:29:22,830
me.

2310
02:29:31,240 --> 02:29:34,820
Takes to make a show like this last for 50
years.

2311
02:29:35,220 --> 02:29:36,860
It's these people right around me.

2312
02:29:37,000 --> 02:29:38,000
The first cast.

2313
02:29:38,180 --> 02:29:39,180
Lorraine Newman.

2314
02:29:39,460 --> 02:29:40,460
Jane Curtin.

2315
02:29:49,170 --> 02:29:50,170
Kenan Thompson.

2316
02:29:50,250 --> 02:29:50,730
Emma Gray.

2317
02:29:50,910 --> 02:29:51,910
Billy Crystal.

2318
02:29:52,410 --> 02:29:53,906
And finally, the reason we're all here.

2319
02:29:53,930 --> 02:29:55,870
The man who made our dreams come true.

2320
02:29:55,890 --> 02:29:56,890
The one and only.

2321
02:29:57,830 --> 02:29:58,830
Oh, and Paul.

2322
02:30:01,070 --> 02:30:02,070
Lorraine Michaels.

2323
02:30:03,770 --> 02:30:20,600
I love you all.

2324
02:30:20,840 --> 02:30:21,840
Good night and God bless.