It's a nice quiet day.
It's just the water, the wind, the sun.
No distractions.
Oh, that's a big one. [laughs]
Look at that.
That may be a state record.
Hey, Willie. Mine's bigger.
Hey! Crocodile Dundee,
you ain't got permission to fish here.
You're just mad because you don't know how to fish.
They say there's a time in life when you should just give up
on those petty childhood rivalries.
Who do we have here?
Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dumber.
Team Bella, Team John Luke, fire away.
War is hell, boys!
-There you go, sucker. -Nap time.
Rebecca: I scheduled
a vasectomy.
Gotta go get you a nut snip.
Oh!
And that time? That ain't now.
♪ I just wanna go fast
♪ Life goes by in a flash
♪ Living free, no looking back ♪
♪ I just wanna go fast
♪ Keep growing from the past
♪ Can't slow me down, I wanna go fast ♪
♪ Or lean back, clean right out ♪
♪ Go fast, make the good times last ♪
♪ Yeah, I just wanna go
[duck call]
Jeffrey: My last order of business for you guys
as we think about this time of year,
it's a bit of a magical week.
We're moving into inventory week.
So I hope you guys are ready.
Inventory week.
Come on, guys, let's get excited.
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
I want to remind you, how do we count inventory?
Slow is fast and fast is inaccurate.
Are you guys with me?
Now, what you essentially need to do is count.
Okay, can we take this meeting seriously?
Bella: At the beginning of the week,
John Luke got some Nerf guns in for camp.
Since then, he has been terrorizing me.
John Luke!
-[gun pops] -Aah!
John Luke!
We're at work, and this needs to stop.
-[gun pops] -Hey!
[guns popping]
Jeffrey: So I need every department
to do a full inventory of your product.
John Luke and Bella...
I need you guys to pay attention.
John Luke: Bella can be very serious,
especially in a work environment.
She stands on business,
which is the perfect opportunity to get under her skin
and just mess things up.
[pops]
John Luke does not know who he's messing with here.
Inventory.
It's important.
It needs to be accurate.
I need you guys to take it seriously.
Questions?
Good.
[up-tempo music playing]
Okay, remember we got wet floors, so don't slip.
That'd be good.
You want to go tell Daddy the big news?
Yeah.
-Hey, bae. -What's up?
So I have something to tell you.
-Yes? -I scheduled you
a vasectomy consultation
for tomorrow.
I thought we were just, like, talking about that.
-I didn't think we were like-- -Well, we are.
But I just feel like
we're kind of procrastinators.
And if I don't do it, something might happen.
I don't know.
When my [bleep] are on the line,
I'm gonna procrastinate as long as I can.
Willie: Okay, so let me just call
a quick timeout here really fast.
Apparently, you can't use the word "balls" on TV
in a certain context.
Like, I can say footballs, but I can't say,
how dare you try to snip off my [bleep].
[laughs] I'm sorry, I wasn't supposed to say that.
I feel like I don't want some random person
messing with my gonads.
Honestly, I'm kind of freaked out
because I don't really know what they do.
Like, do they just, like, yank on 'em
or do they, like, cut 'em off, or do y'all know what they do?
I have no idea what they do.
I've heard from a lot of my friends,
their husbands have all done it,
and it's not a big deal at all.
Okay, well, do any of your friends have [bleep]?
Don't worry, it's not a big deal.
It's just a consultation.
It's not like they're waiting there
ready to cut his tube or [bleep].
I don't know. Do they cut the [bleep]?
I just feel like our family's pretty complete,
and I just don't want to have another accident.
You're not an accident.
He's the most beautiful accident, but you know.
-Okay. -So you're gonna go tomorrow?
-Yep. -Okay.
Rebecca: Also, don't forget to take out the trash.
John Reed: Yep.
Please be a bass.
He couldn't catch a cold.
[laughs]
Look at that guy.
Now who's talking, huh?
I just caught his daddy.
Willie: You think just 'cause you're older
you can fish better. That's just not true.
All I know is that every time you're out here, you're grumpy,
and I think it's 'cause you can't catch fish.
I'm only grumpy when I see people poaching on my pond.
Read my lips!
I have permission!
No, you don't!
This is my pond.
Love your neighbor,
especially if he's your brother.
It's great living on the family compound.
We have a great pond on there with fish in it.
And I'm open to everybody fishing in it.
But you have to be right there close to the compound.
Jase is just outside, like just across the street.
And I'm in the compound.
There's a gate. I'm inside it.
No, technically you're just on the outside.
Everyone inside the fence is family.
Yeah, but, I mean, like,
I don't come in your bedroom, right?
Even though it's inside the fence.
And so the pond is like my bedroom.
You could. You might learn something.
Oh, boy.
You're never out here.
Why start now?
You want some fish, all you gotta do is ask me.
I'll catch you some.
I'm out here all the time.
I'm out here now, right?
You're too busy to fish.
Let's just settle this in Duck Court.
No, I'm not-- I'm not doing Duck Court.
It ends in Duck Court.
No, it's not even gonna start there.
This is the plaintiff, Willie Robertson.
He's accusing his brother Jase
of trespassing and stealing fish from his pond.
He's not going to rest until justice is served
and all 235 fish are returned.
This is the defendant, Jase Robertson.
He says his brother is just jealous
of his awesome fishing skills
and that's why he won't let him fish.
And this is Duck Court.
Duck Court is in session. Everybody settle down.
Hang on. What are you?
I'm Judge Robertson,
and I'm gonna judge this case
between you and the defense.
Si, I don't need a judge or jury.
All right, before you say anything else,
I will find you in contempt,
and I will fine you big time money.
-Yeah. -Okay?
If you do not conduct yourself properly.
You take courts out of society, and what do you have?
Chaos. Mischief.
This is the law of the land.
No, it's your own little dumb thing in the Duck Court.
You're just scared you're gonna lose.
Okay, now, before I start,
I'm gonna do this impartial judgment on this.
But really, you make me sick in my stomach.
-[laughs] -So, okay, let's hear your case.
Let's hear what you got, prosecutor. You're up.
The man is sneaking onto my pond and taking my fish. That's it.
So your charge is he's fishing on your property.
No, I'm not charging. That's what he's doing.
You don't tell me nothing, young man.
You forgot you're in court.
Okay, now let's hear from the defense.
Thank you, sir, for giving me this opportunity.
I do respect the court.
Here's what happened.
My brother Willie,
he talked me into...
-What? -...buying the house
-across the street. -Let the man state his case.
He said I'd bought him--
Hey, you've had your turn.
Let the man state his case.
-Jase: He knew that I-- -Without interruption.
So, when he invited me there,
I thought, oh, he has this nice pond
that's gonna make me feel better about living uptown.
I was led to believe
that this would become a Robertson pond.
Well, that's-- that's obviously
the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Is that an objection?
I'm objecting to all of this.
-$500 fine. -Okay.
Si: All right, continue with your story.
But when I looked at the boundary lines of the pond,
he actually does not own the entire pond.
He just owns a section.
Okay, that's-- that's not accurate.
I object. I have a witness to validate what I'm saying.
Sustained.
[laughs]
Where is the witness?
-I have him right outside. -Bring him in.
-Bring in the witness. -I'll bring in the witness.
-Bring in the witness. -Here's the witness.
Sir, put your left hand on the Bible.
-Left hand? -Raise your right hand.
Raise my right hand.
You don't have to do this.
John: Nothing but.
All right, there you go. All right.
The witness has been sworn in.
Can I interview my witness?
-Interview him? -Jase: Yeah, I wanna--
You wanna ask him a few questions?
Yeah, that's what that is, Judge Judy.
Jase: Yeah.
$1,000.
You should have got a lawyer.
For the record, can you state your relation
to Willie Robertson?
Willie's my son-in-law. Korie's my daughter.
So, for the record, you are family to Willie Robertson.
What, did you get a law degree to figure that out?
Okay, so did you give me permission
to fish on your pond?
I did that.
In other words, you own property,
and that pond is on part of your property?
-Okay. -I did an aerial survey,
and where he fishes for 'em is on my property,
and he asked me if he could have permission.
Sorry, son, but I gave him permission.
-Oh, my gosh. -I rest my case.
-Si: You rest your case? -I rest my case.
-Si: Okay. Sir... -Okay, this is over.
...you're dismissed, the court thanks you
-for your testimony. -That was easy.
Okay, hey, look, after listening to the witness,
okay, here's the impartial judgment I've come up with.
Y'all are gonna have a competition.
What you're gonna do is you're gonna choose a team,
and then we're gonna have a two day fish-off.
Most fish caught wins.
That'll work.
Hey, and not only that, you know, whoever wins,
the judge gets 20% of the cleaned fish.
Oh, my gosh.
-Deal. Deal. -There you go.
No, this is no deal.
-Court is dismissed. -This is no deal,
I'm out of here.
I'll see you at the pond.
Willie: All right, let's go buy some fishing stuff.
Okay, don't tear anything up.
Oh, goodness.
-And don't run off. -John David: Oh, boy.
Now, I can win a fishing competition
against Jase any day, any time, completely by myself.
But we're supposed to have a team.
Johnny D, what's up, buddy?
Well, big money's coming through the door.
Willie: Okay, what do we need, kids?
And my team is adorable.
John David: Yeah, there's open hooks here.
Hey, nobody touch an open hook, okay?
-Okay. -They'll only touch it once,
-believe me. -Oh, that's true.
Willie: Okay.
-Yeah, you need that for sure. -Yeah, we need that.
I'm gonna make money today.
Have you ever-- smell that?
You smell it?
[both laugh]
Since it's the most fish caught,
not just the biggest fish caught,
I figure the more poles in the water, the better.
Okay, let's go get some rod and reels.
Willie: All right, so what's something
that's kind of affordable that's--
Affordable?
Hey, right here,
I got a $300 one that's real pretty.
Johnny D, ain't nobody here need a $300 rod and reel.
For you!
John David: He wants one. It's perfect.
Is it perfect?
See?
Do you want a more expensive one?
Oh. Did you find a pink rod, too?
-No... -Oh, that's purple.
Now we need to get some live bait.
-Worms, shiners, crickets. -Yay!
Worms, shiners, crickets.
Children: [chanting] Live bait! Live bait! Live bait!
Look, crickets are the best thing to catch fish with.
-[laughs] -You don't want to touch 'em?
-Here. -There it is.
-Oh, my gosh! -Hey, look at him.
What?
John David: All you need is a hundred crickets.
You want a hundred?
Willie: It's like Waffle House in here.
John David: The crickets are six weeks old.
The goldfish, I do not know how old they are.
Hey, Zane, this is for you, dawg.
You're gonna love this.
If you eat one, I'll give you 20% off.
20% off if you eat one.
Eat it. Eat it.
Willie: The fish eat it.
Too slimy.
[Willie laughs]
Hey, look, look.
They're shiners.
Stank.
Willie: Stank!
John David: There we go.
That one's y'all's now for real.
Willie: Stank!
[up-tempo music playing]
All right, this is an officially sanctioned
Duck Commander contest.
The first ever shootout at the Duck Commander Corral.
Should we be doing our jobs?
Possibly.
Should we be shooting these Nerf guns
and playing with them?
Absolutely yes.
Jeffrey is out of the office for the next few hours,
which means Bella and I are gonna finish this war right now.
On this side, we have Team John Luke.
On this side, we have Team Bella.
When Bella and John Luke get into it,
there is no stopping them, like when they were younger.
Willie: Oh, it's like back in the day, me and my brothers.
There was blood involved with y'all.
Yeah, they haven't stabbed each other.
Y'all know the rules. I'm keeping score.
Don't shoot me. You shoot me, I shoot you.
I got the biggest gun. Got it?
This is one of those times
I'm very thankful we don't have an HR department.
On your marks,
get set, battle!
-[guns popping] -Martin: Oh, behind me!
Oh, I got you.
Martin: Oh, hit. Hit right here.
Voice: Go, John Luke.
I got you! I got you!
Martin: Hit! Hit him!
Oh!
[laughs]
Voice: Whoa!
Jeffrey: Hey, hey, hey.
Stop. Stop it.
-[laughs] -Sorry.
What is happening?
Willie: In my years as a mean boss,
and some people may say tyrant,
I learned the key to business is simple.
Take decisive action when your subjects get out of hand.
I will remind you guys
that when Willie and Korie are not here, guess what?
I'm Korie and Willie.
And you must demand the respect you deserve.
Would you shoot Korie?
-No. -Not a chance.
Well, when you see me, imagine Korie.
[laughs]
Hey, this isn't funny.
I'll remind you guys again one more time.
Any such behavior during business hours
will result in disciplinary actions.
Are we clear?
We're dismissed. Let's get back to work.
Martin: What brings you by the office, pal?
-Nuts. -Huh?
Nuts.
My wife gave me an ultimatum.
Basically about a vasectomy.
Oh!
Bad idea.
There are few things that are sacred.
A man's testicles...
are some of those things.
My wife gave me the phone number to the vasectomy store
for Valentine's Day five years ago.
Second best gift I ever got.
Hey, you got a crazy wife, son.
A Valentine's gift? Hey, go get your nuts snipped.
You know where the vasectomy originated?
In ancient Greece.
The great philosopher Euclipides.
-"Eutipides"? -Euclipides.
Euclipides. [laughs]
Just the "tippides" got him in this position.
[all laugh]
Just got to do it. It's fun.
Ten out of ten. Recommend.
Given the opportunity, I would do it next weekend.
-Well, wait a minute. -Easiest thing.
Hey, why-- why are you against it?
I'm against somebody cutting my scrotum, period.
Like, after it's done, like, what do I have to do?
Like, what do you do?
Don't do that with your hands.
-Yeah, that's weird. -I did it.
It has no effect on your sex life.
Si, when's the last time you had sex?
-Oh, look. -[laughs]
This racehorse is still in the game, son.
Give me some, big dog.
You know, I might not win the Kentucky Derby,
but I'll finish.
[all laugh]
See that red light there?
Mine is always on green.
Hey, look, I'm still a sexual dynamo.
-Okay. -Everything's good.
Y'all done got me fired up a little bit.
Booyah!
Willie: Well, well, well.
The visual of this is...
-Misfits. -...not intimidating.
Yeah, I didn't think I'd be
facing my nieces and nephews.
Well, I figured volume was the key here,
so the more poles I got in the water,
better chances we got.
I get it. So you're a bramble fisher.
And I see you got a couple of Judas Iscariots
here with you, so...
nothing better
than to beat your old man at something.
Right, Honey?
Jase: Just to make this fair,
I'm gonna take your son-in-laws on my team.
The two most yuppie people that I know.
You better bring some creatine shakes
and vintage blue jeans.
I have no idea what that is.
You realize if you lose,
your status at Duck/Buck Commander is over.
Yeah, I feel like this is a lose-lose situation.
-Eh, well... -Well, I mean,
we're supposed to win, but it doesn't really matter.
Jase: Yeah, it does matter.
But then if we don't win, then it kind of does matter.
We're gonna-- We're gonna throttle them.
Willie: Hey, don't be messing with my team members.
I'm gonna fish, beat you,
and have some quality time with my grandchildren
at the same time.
You've lost three of them.
Nah, they're good.
You'll be babysitting and fishing.
Willie: Yeah, well, you'll be babysitting your face.
Here's the deal, no fishing in somebody's spot.
If you lay claim,
there's an invisible 12-yard area
around any cork or line in the water.
-All that's fine. -That's standard.
A brown must be the size of your hand
or larger before it counts.
Not their hand, your hand.
Fine, we'll take that.
All right, I think we've established the rules.
May the best team win.
So let's go catch some fish, guys.
Jase: Yeah!
[up-tempo music playing]
-[John Reed groans] -Rebecca: It'll be okay.
Just a consultation.
So, at the Duck Call room, it's like half of them
made me feel like my manhood is
just being taken away from me.
Rebecca: It's not gonna change you, John Reed.
I think it's more mentally than physical.
Well, it's kind of a little physical, though, too.
What do we know about the vasectomy
or what do you know about it?
John Reed: Uh, not that much.
I know I'm scared of it.
Okay, so what happens, you have your testicles,
and then you have these tubes that come down
-that transport the sperm. -Mm-hm.
They go in there and they clip 'em.
How?
With scissors.
John Reed: My biggest fear about this procedure
is giant...
Are they really gonna get that big?
I feel like I'll get elephantiasis [bleep].
What? Elephant what?
He's talking about just large...
Large. They don't get that big.
I promise. No. No.
I don't know how big yours are right now.
[laughs]
And we're not gonna look, so...
But they can be large,
just because you've had digging and snipping
and pulling and tugging
and everything you could possibly imagine, okay?
Yeah. So whenever this is done,
how long would it be to, you know...
[whistles]
-Like... -Sex?
-Yeah.
-Like... -[laughs]
Like, uh...
That would be a good question, actually.
Seven, generally seven days to 14 days.
Probably the best thing I've heard,
some increase in sex drives,
'cause then you don't have to worry about getting pregnant.
Mm.
So this sounds like kind of a bad deal for you.
-[laughs] -Well, it could be.
[all laugh]
Ooh, oh, oh, aah.
Oh, oh.
Hey, we got one.
Child: Can we put it in a tank of water?
Now, that was small, but we got one on the board, okay?
Okay, okay, okay.
-Hey, Willie. -What?
If you're gonna cast for 'em, you need to catch 'em that size.
-Willie: Aw, man. -Jase: Quality!
Forget that quality stuff.
We're going for sheer volume.
This competition, it's just a numbers game.
And I'll put my money on me and five grandkids
over Jase and two backstabbing son-in-laws any day.
Oh, oh, oh, reel, reel, reel, reel.
-Child 1: Oh, my gosh. -Child 2: Oh, my gosh.
Willie: Oh!
Oh, yes! Yeah!
There you go, sucker!
"That's what I'm talking about."
-Zane: Hey, Jase. -What?
Jase: Uh-oh, it's picking up. It's picking up.
Honey, Honey, you got one. Honey, you got one.
You got one!
Okay...
Huh!
-Hey, this is a fish. -Yeah.
Yeah!
It might be that long,
and they're screaming and hollering.
Supposed to act like you've been there before.
-Daddy, I got a fish! -Oh, wait.
Hey, I'm proud of you, but I'm still gonna beat you.
Jase At this stage, I just need y'all to catch something
to show me it's possible.
Yeah! [laughs]
Jase: Y'all getting strapped by a bunch of kids.
Family time's awesome, but winning is winning.
Jase: Well, the bass is on the board.
It looks small, but he's more quality.
Reel, reel, Zane, reel, reel, reel, reel, reel, reel.
Oh, he's off.
Jase: Oh, he missed another one.
You need to act like there's a cheeseburger
on the other end of it, and that won't happen.
Ah, whatever.
Jase: Bass boys.
-Jase: Willie! -Got one.
-Big'un. -Jase: We're rollin'!
Here we go.
Willie! What happened to your team?
♪ I love worms, I love worms ♪
♪ But they're so slimy
Our team is doing good.
Nap time.
[laughs]
Willie: Oh, no!
All right, time!
The only thing I really didn't realize
was that it was gonna be really embarrassing for you
-in front of your grandkids. -Yeah.
Sometimes it is what it is.
Well, you're embarrassing, so...
There you go, son. Look at them hogs.
All bluegills. You got four.
Right on the line.
Jase: Five and a half.
What y'all got?
We got quality and quantity.
Willie: Okay.
Yeah, we're a little behind right now.
I'm actually shocked y'all caught anything.
Hey, son. Team, look, here's the deal.
We weren't quite as mobile today,
but I think we'll make some adjustments.
Okay, day one, humility day.
Jase: I mean, this goes back to our childhood, you know?
He just couldn't stand that I would always win.
He doesn't even realize I'm fishing his pond.
-[all laugh] -You idiot.
-That's what I'm sayin'... -Well, well, well.
Si: Are your ears burning?
I was getting into our little fishing competition.
Willie: All right, it's day one.
I'm down eight fish to five fish.
Not a big deal. Easy to come back from.
Plus, I'm fishing with Tyler, so tomorrow's
really where this whole competition begins.
I ain't worried at all beating my--
them two son-in-laws and you.
Pfft. I like my chances better with the grandkids.
Well, that's so shocking.
[all laugh]
I'm trying to whip them into shape
because you're not doing a very good job.
At some point, you know, you gotta mold 'em into men
that are productive.
So which grandkids you got? I mean, obviously Zane.
He's the oldest, right?
Yeah, I got Juju and Gigi.
I got Smug Boy-- doo-doo-doo-doo--
and Jaba and Honey Badger.
-Si: Do they have names? -Yeah, of course.
He's thinking that more lines means something,
but I'm gonna win in spite of me
having two big weights just pulling me down.
[laughs]
I'll see you. You better get ready.
-Hey, Willie? -Willie: Yeah?
I'm ashamed of you. You need to let your brother
fish in your pond, dummy.
I am fishin', Si.
You're the only guy that can fish there.
Well, hey, that's kin. That's blood kin.
I know. You're kin, that counts.
And plus, you never catch a fish, so...
-[laughs] -Si get a plus-one?
Si: You're so full of it that you can't see.
Rebecca: Just cleaning out
more baby clothes, putting up all the stuff.
I need to decide what I'm going to donate or keep,
but I don't even know what, you know--
if we're not having any more kids,
I don't really need to keep
too many.
My life didn't begin
until I had kids, you know.
I feel like whenever I first had my first child, you know,
that's, like, what I was meant to do.
It's crazy because some of these clothes
all three of my kids have worn.
And so, like, this little sushi onesie
and the little crawfish one, too.
I mean, this is like the definition of our family.
John Reed: Having Holland, you know,
she's like the fire of the family.
So it's cool watching her grow.
Aw, this jacket was John Reed's when he was a boy.
And Zane wore it.
And I guess Xander
will wear it in a few years.
John Reed: Just looking at Xander,
it's hard to think not to have another child, you know,
because we had that child not meaning to,
and he really is just like a breath of fresh air.
You know, they all are.
Rebecca: To think that, you know,
I'm not gonna really hold another tiny baby,
it's kind of-- it's just really sad.
I want to make Rebecca happy, you know,
and if that's what we have to do, we have to do.
Rebecca: Now that I've scheduled a procedure,
I think it's the right decision.
And if he's wanting to do it, then I guess we'll do it.
Martin: Welcome to Dart-magedon.
All right, team captains, meet me in the middle.
Voice: Come on, John Luke.
Jeffrey cut our game earlier,
said no more shooting during business hours.
All right.
John Luke: But guess what?
It's after hours.
Team Bella, Team John Luke,
we're gonna shake hands
and may the best team win.
Bella: I didn't start this game.
I didn't even want to do it, but I'm here to finish it.
May the best team win.
May the best team win, which is us.
We got this.
Martin: First to capture the other team's flag wins.
Dart-magedon begins in three...
two... one, fire away!
War is hell, boys!
Oh, hit, hit right here.
Why am I getting hit?
I'm the referee. Stop it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Martin: Hit. Hit here, hit here.
Jeffrey: Hey, hey!
What's going on here?
Oh, yeah, you didn't think I'd catch you?
You didn't think I'd find out?
I had one rule for you guys.
No Nerf war during business hours, and guess what?
You listened.
Let's go!
Martin: You're out, you're out, you're out.
This whole side's out.
You're out. Jared, you're gone.
Douglas, you're out.
[indistinct shouting]
Wow, he annihilated all of y'all.
Team John Luke.
Looks like I got all the flags today, folks.
Call that game over.
-Hey, Jeffrey. -[gun pops]
Looks like we win.
-[cheering] -Martin: The winner!
I really don't know how Jeffrey showed up.
[whispering]
What time does this happen?
Sorry, John Luke.
Y'all clean this whole warehouse up.
We gotta work tomorrow.
Martin: The winner of Dart-magedon,
Team Bella.
Bella: We did it. We did it.
[dramatic music playing]
Well, well, well. Who do we have here?
Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dumber.
Hey! He must have been talking to y'all.
Good trash talking, son. Good trash talking.
Here's the problem.
When you're losing, you can't trash talk.
Right now, we're the chicken, and you're the chicken feed.
Dit, dit, dit, dit, dit, dit, dit.
Willie: All right, day two of the competition.
We're a little bit behind, but mostly it's because
you guys can move around the pond.
It's a little bit tougher for us, but, hey.
Look, let's just weed out the kids and go mano y mano.
Me and you.
You're ditching us?
Well, look, at the end of the day, you're kids.
The wily veterans have made this personal.
Yeah, that's perfect. Let's get rid of the kids.
So it's me on you. Let's go to boat rules.
All right. Do we want to go motorized
or do we want to go--
No, no, no. Let's go manual.
-B-Y-O-P. -There you go.
That's bring your own paddle.
All right, that's the deal. Boat rules.
We'll finish out day two with that.
-We got a deal? -Deal, deal.
Deal.
Willie: Boat rules are simple.
I mean, now we're not limited to the bank,
so it's still most fish caught wins the thing.
Except you need a much larger boat.
Oh.
Willie: Oh, there's a thin line
between kayaking and being a beached whale.
My first thought was, Willie looks like
a grizzly bear trying to take a dump
on a balance beam.
What?
That's funny.
Once you're potty trained,
then you can dish out the insults.
Willie: Oh, that ought to work right there.
Come on.
Nothing to see here. Just a giant pink worm.
It looks delicious.
Oh! [laughs]
Almost. Oh, he bit again. Oh, he bit again.
Little sucker.
I actually feel sorry for that kayak he's in.
'Cause I'm telling you right now,
he's putting that to the test.
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.
Willie, you're losing.
I got one too, sucker.
Brah, look at the size of this thing.
Willie, I got a bluegill that's fatter than you,
and that's hard to do.
-Shoot. -What happened, Willie?
Whoo-hoo!
Hey, he's got another one.
Jase: Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Come to Daddy.
Hold. Hold.
Man, he's catching all the fish over here.
Open your mouth for me.
Hey!
Jase: Hey, that's what we're looking for.
He's on a hot hole. Little old heater here.
Okay, when it comes to boat rules,
there are certain, like, spacing restrictions.
-Jase: Back off. -What're you talking about?
I'm not even close to you.
I think it's like 12 foot
from your nearest competitor.
Jase: Yeah, you are. You're coming over here
because I'm catching all the fish.
But there are exceptions.
If you own the pond.
Let me help.
-Uh, uh, uh, uh. -You want some directions?
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
-Yeah, let me help you. -There ya go.
Let me help you.
-Whoo-hoo-hoo. -Hey, hey!
-Wanna joust. -Oh, you want to joust?
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa!
Easy.
Oh, you're in my way, big boy.
Excuse me while I paddle through.
-Just two-- -Prepare to be boarded.
Evasive maneuver. Oh!
Whoa!
Okay.
Whoa! Oh!
Oh!
My fish!
Okay, you lost!
Hey, let me help you. You're welcome.
Now you're in your own pond
without your own paddle.
See ya, sucker. I'm gonna get back to fishing.
Wait'll you see what I got here.
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Hey, those were my fish!
Fish snag!
You thief!
Willie: As far as sibling rivalries go,
mine and Jase's is pretty much...
Unrivaled.
That was way more violent than it looked.
I'm gonna need to fill out an insurance report.
Willie: It's my pond.
[up-tempo music playing]
-Rebecca: Are you nervous? -John Reed: Yep.
I'm itchy is what I am.
-Why are you itchy? -I had to shave.
-Your crotch? -I had to shave everything.
Oh, because, like, they're gonna be up in there.
Rebecca: I was going through the clothes,
you know, all the little kids' clothes,
but remember your little leather jacket that you saved?
-Yeah. -And Zane was wearing?
That was, you know, that's hard.
Oh, yeah, totally.
I woke up, like, four times last night,
just, like...
literally couldn't sleep because of this.
This is such a big, life-changing decision.
Maybe we need to take more time to decide,
and I think I might have a few more years in me.
Oh, thank God, because I was waiting for you to say that.
-Are you kidding? -Yes.
I'm, like, instant relief over me
because I do not want to do this.
Well, why didn't you tell me?
Because I just-- making you happy.
Like...
Well, that's really thoughtful,
but I don't want to do it either.
-Are you serious? -[both laugh]
John Reed: Maybe to commemorate this,
we need to go get some boudin balls.
Or some meatballs,
spaghetti and meatballs,
cheese balls.
Rebecca: Now we're going to eat
instead of getting you a [bleep] nip.
[up-tempo banjo music playing]
Jase: At the end of the day,
we should form a partnership.
I caught all the fish,
and now I got Willie to cook 'em.
So loser cooks, right?
-[laughs] -No, no, no, no.
I won this fishing contest.
I ended up with a stringer full of fish.
The rules didn't say how you get 'em, and I got 'em.
Well, how'd you get 'em?
The old-fashioned way.
You knocked me out of my boat,
I knocked you out of the contest.
Oh, you got him out of the boat?
Oh, yeah.
Even though he looks...
buoyant, no.
[all laugh]
Willie: I'm feeling kind of generous.
Let's just call this whole thing a draw.
You can come over and fish my pond occasionally.
Just don't get too greedy
or I'm taking you back to Duck Court.
-Deal. -Deal.
So I won.
See? I'm out of here.
The court agrees with that ruling.
All right, I'm gonna give thanks to the Almighty.
Let's pray.
Father, we love you. We're so grateful
for all the gifts you give us.
The fish of the sea and the ponds
and the birds of the air.
We're thankful that you've created us to be a family.
In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
-Amen. -Amen.
-All right. -Let's get back on that team.
-Get on them. -Dig in, dig in.
-Get on them pondsies, boys. -That's hot.
I made you a plate.
You know I didn't go through with it.
-You didn't go through with it? -No.
Well, give me that back. What are you talking about?
I only brought it because I thought
you was recovering from surgery, man.
As Phil would say, everybody happy, happy, happy now.
Indeed.
Willie: In a world that's always changing,
there's comfort in the never-ending joys
of sibling rivalry.
Then he'd say, you know why?
Because we're cooking with peanut oil.
Willie: Coming from the same parents
makes you bonded for life,
no matter how much you battle it out.
Jase: In the spirit of Phil,
I like to just eat fish standing up.
Yep.
And sometimes we even set aside the rivalry
for a little sibling revelry.
Now, next time we can fry the fish at my house.
-Good, you can cook. -Yep.
Now that our pond is producing like this.
Our pond?
But that never lasts too long.
Hey, look, all the people are welcome to fish in our pond.
Si, this ain't your pond.
I ought to sock you.
Hey, you can try it, fat boy.
You better be quick though.
I'm with him.
Because I can't last more than about two swings.
So my first two are gonna be hard and heavy.
You don't play with old men. They don't play.
Homey don't play that.