1 00:00:25,686 --> 00:00:26,846 Sorry. 2 00:00:26,926 --> 00:00:29,806 Oh, my God. Did everything I could. 3 00:00:29,886 --> 00:00:32,446 Lorcan's away at fucking Martian fitness camp, 4 00:00:32,526 --> 00:00:35,566 or astronaut camp, or whatever the fuck. 5 00:00:35,646 --> 00:00:36,846 Didn't wanna leave him at home alone. 6 00:00:36,926 --> 00:00:38,126 -Sam! Hi. -Eleanor. 7 00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:39,446 What about your parents? 8 00:00:39,526 --> 00:00:41,406 What about my parents? My mom has eight toes. 9 00:00:41,486 --> 00:00:43,886 My dad spends 90% of his time looking for his keys. 10 00:00:43,966 --> 00:00:46,926 My whole situation's hanging on by a thread. 11 00:00:47,006 --> 00:00:49,166 -Karen! When did you get here? -Just landed. 12 00:00:49,246 --> 00:00:50,846 You can't do lunch tomorrow? You didn't respond. 13 00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:52,166 I did. I can. 14 00:00:52,246 --> 00:00:54,766 -Bloody idiot assistant. -Oof. 15 00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,846 Karen Saville-Stewart. HarperCollins. 16 00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:58,486 I publish Charlotte Arbor. 17 00:00:58,566 --> 00:01:00,766 This is Alex, Jessie Finlay's agent. 18 00:01:00,846 --> 00:01:02,846 -Yeah. Hi. -Of course. 19 00:01:02,926 --> 00:01:04,406 Lovely Jessie. 20 00:01:04,486 --> 00:01:06,686 -I've gotta go. See you at lunch? -Yep. 21 00:01:08,206 --> 00:01:10,446 I've met that bitch 20 times. 22 00:01:10,526 --> 00:01:12,806 She publishes my client. She never remembers me. 23 00:01:12,886 --> 00:01:14,246 She asked me where I got my boots once. 24 00:01:14,326 --> 00:01:15,686 I sent her a link. 25 00:01:15,766 --> 00:01:18,806 She's knocked the last draft of Wagon Burner back, unsurprisingly. 26 00:01:18,886 --> 00:01:20,006 She wants 90% less anal. 27 00:01:20,086 --> 00:01:21,246 Don't we all? 28 00:01:23,366 --> 00:01:25,126 Can I go up to my room now? 29 00:01:25,206 --> 00:01:27,846 Well, no, because we haven't got a room yet, 30 00:01:27,926 --> 00:01:29,486 because, as you can see, I haven't checked in yet. 31 00:01:31,486 --> 00:01:33,126 Ooh, is that Lars? 32 00:01:33,206 --> 00:01:34,646 -Oh, shit. -You don't wanna go 33 00:01:34,726 --> 00:01:36,206 -for a hat trick this year? -No! 34 00:01:37,206 --> 00:01:39,086 'Cause, you know, is here. 35 00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:41,366 And Patrick. 36 00:01:41,446 --> 00:01:42,686 I thought that was off. 37 00:01:42,766 --> 00:01:44,166 He told Frank you don't see him as a serious person. 38 00:01:44,246 --> 00:01:46,126 I didn't say that. 39 00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:48,486 Why would he say I said that? What else did he say? 40 00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:51,286 -I'm not sure-- -Welcome to the rat's nest. 41 00:01:51,366 --> 00:01:52,966 -Oh, hey, hi! -Hey! 42 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,326 Oh, it's so good to see you. 43 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:57,326 How are you? You look well. 44 00:01:57,406 --> 00:01:58,766 You too. You lost some weight? 45 00:01:58,846 --> 00:02:01,166 No. You remember Sam? 46 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:02,646 Of course, I remember Sam. 47 00:02:02,726 --> 00:02:04,446 I mean, we got fucked up 48 00:02:04,526 --> 00:02:06,966 -at the Can-- -And that's my son, Ruari. 49 00:02:08,526 --> 00:02:10,006 That is your son? 50 00:02:10,766 --> 00:02:11,766 Oh. 51 00:02:13,406 --> 00:02:16,086 'Kay. Well, I'll see you later, right? 52 00:02:16,166 --> 00:02:18,046 Sam. Son. 53 00:02:19,966 --> 00:02:20,926 Alex. 54 00:02:21,006 --> 00:02:22,166 It's good to see you. 55 00:02:24,806 --> 00:02:26,206 It's fine. 56 00:02:26,286 --> 00:02:27,886 That was our whole thing, you know? 57 00:02:27,966 --> 00:02:30,366 No pasts, no conversations. 58 00:02:30,446 --> 00:02:32,486 It was like that film, you know, Up in the Air? 59 00:02:32,566 --> 00:02:36,326 Have you seen it? Just fun, lightly degrading sex. 60 00:02:39,686 --> 00:02:40,646 Shit. 61 00:02:47,766 --> 00:02:50,086 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 62 00:02:50,166 --> 00:02:52,286 No, no, no, no! No! No! No! Move! 63 00:02:52,366 --> 00:02:53,766 Oh! 64 00:02:53,846 --> 00:02:55,406 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oh, God. 65 00:02:55,486 --> 00:02:57,246 I have so much juice. I have so much. 66 00:02:57,326 --> 00:02:58,966 -Come on, it's right there! -Gonna hang up your clothes? 67 00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:01,166 Oh God, no! No! No! No! 68 00:03:01,246 --> 00:03:03,326 No! No! 69 00:03:17,046 --> 00:03:21,206 I've gotta head to the Book Fair now, gotta set up. 70 00:03:21,286 --> 00:03:22,966 But, you know, order room service. 71 00:03:23,046 --> 00:03:25,286 We have a sauna. Rent a movie. 72 00:03:25,366 --> 00:03:26,646 Maybe go for a wander? 73 00:03:27,966 --> 00:03:31,286 But Frankfurt's a bit edgy, so maybe stick within the hotel grounds? 74 00:03:32,606 --> 00:03:33,686 Sounds fun. 75 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,286 Fuck it. 76 00:03:48,966 --> 00:03:52,006 He can help out, get coffees and stuff, you know? 77 00:03:52,086 --> 00:03:53,406 He'll be additive. 78 00:03:55,326 --> 00:03:56,646 Where'd he go? 79 00:03:56,726 --> 00:03:58,486 Oh, for God's sake. 80 00:03:58,566 --> 00:03:59,766 Ruari, no. 81 00:04:02,486 --> 00:04:03,606 Don't look him in the eye. 82 00:04:07,806 --> 00:04:09,286 Oh. Thank you. 83 00:04:16,806 --> 00:04:18,326 Is it all like this, Mum? 84 00:04:19,246 --> 00:04:21,486 I mean, yes and no. 85 00:04:27,046 --> 00:04:28,206 Oh, God. 86 00:04:28,286 --> 00:04:29,766 -We're by the plugs. -You're joking. 87 00:04:29,846 --> 00:04:31,206 What, seriously? 88 00:04:31,286 --> 00:04:32,446 -Yeah! -Ooh! 89 00:04:32,526 --> 00:04:33,926 Why are you excited about plugs? 90 00:04:34,726 --> 00:04:36,966 That's such an obnoxious question, Ruari. 91 00:04:37,046 --> 00:04:38,406 Right, shall I put this up? 92 00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:40,806 I nicked it from the publishing stand last year. 93 00:04:40,886 --> 00:04:43,166 -Oh, yeah, I love that. That looks great. -That's gonna look terrible. 94 00:04:43,246 --> 00:04:44,526 Do you want to go and get coffees? 95 00:04:44,606 --> 00:04:46,206 -Yeah. -What, coffees in German? 96 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,326 Yeah, yeah. Just say "three coffees." 97 00:04:48,406 --> 00:04:50,526 -They'll speak English. -Where? 98 00:04:50,606 --> 00:04:52,686 The little blue truck we passed on the way. 99 00:04:55,166 --> 00:04:57,086 -What am I saying again? -Just ask for three coffees, Ruari. 100 00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:58,726 Ask for ze three coffees. 101 00:04:58,806 --> 00:04:59,806 You cannot do that. 102 00:04:59,886 --> 00:05:01,726 And you definitely can't do that here! 103 00:05:05,286 --> 00:05:06,246 Take that down. 104 00:05:08,886 --> 00:05:10,086 I saw wine downstairs. 105 00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:14,926 -Hey! -Hey, how are you doing? 106 00:05:15,006 --> 00:05:16,166 -Right. -Yeah, hi. 107 00:05:16,686 --> 00:05:18,166 I bet you're glad we can distance ourselves 108 00:05:18,246 --> 00:05:19,806 from that goblin bollocks. 109 00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,566 Did you read it before you let him go? 110 00:05:21,646 --> 00:05:23,326 Well, no, I didn't read it 'cause he hadn't written it. 111 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,326 -It was a pitch. -Better not have been any good. 112 00:05:25,406 --> 00:05:27,686 -Hello, lesbians. -Grayson. 113 00:05:27,766 --> 00:05:29,806 -Tried to find you earlier. -Oh, really? 114 00:05:29,886 --> 00:05:32,686 -We're in D14, by the plugs. -Oh, right to the back. 115 00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,606 Our stand's in Hall Six this year. 116 00:05:34,686 --> 00:05:37,526 We've got a giant golden typewriter installation 117 00:05:37,606 --> 00:05:39,126 hanging from the ceiling. Gotta come and see it. 118 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,726 Yeah, it sounds ridiculous. 119 00:05:40,806 --> 00:05:41,966 -Definitely. -Hey, Grayson! 120 00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:44,806 We're at Noble, Harding, and Cole now, 121 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,326 in case you hadn't heard. 122 00:05:46,406 --> 00:05:48,806 Well, you did email us the Bookseller article, so we had. 123 00:05:48,886 --> 00:05:53,326 We may just be Noble and Cole soon, 'cause Harriet's not very well. 124 00:05:53,406 --> 00:05:54,566 Oh. 125 00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:56,206 Kidding. Kidding, kidding. 126 00:05:56,286 --> 00:05:58,606 Talking of old bags of bones, how's Charlotte getting on? 127 00:05:58,686 --> 00:06:00,726 Oh, she's great. Working on her latest. 128 00:06:00,806 --> 00:06:02,606 There's no stopping her, but she's here in spirit. 129 00:06:02,686 --> 00:06:04,766 -And cardboard. -And person. 130 00:06:04,846 --> 00:06:06,086 I saw her at the HOF last night. 131 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,886 -She's here? -Well, it's a free world. 132 00:06:07,966 --> 00:06:10,646 Met her charming daughter, too. That was... 133 00:06:11,846 --> 00:06:13,166 interesting. 134 00:06:13,246 --> 00:06:14,966 Anyway, good luck with Wagon Burner. 135 00:06:15,046 --> 00:06:16,366 Ruari? 136 00:06:16,446 --> 00:06:18,566 Ah, still exploiting the unpaid placements? 137 00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:20,486 He's hot. 138 00:06:20,566 --> 00:06:21,886 He's my son. 139 00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:23,206 Oh, well. 140 00:06:24,766 --> 00:06:25,926 Your son's hot. 141 00:06:27,526 --> 00:06:29,406 Andrew. Sorry, I see Andrew. 142 00:06:29,486 --> 00:06:31,046 -I saw your installation. -Oh, thanks. 143 00:06:31,126 --> 00:06:33,046 -Do you like it? Yeah, I designed it. -Nice job. 144 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,006 I mean, I'm just as confused as you are. 145 00:06:36,726 --> 00:06:38,286 You want a pint? 146 00:06:51,126 --> 00:06:52,246 What the hell? 147 00:07:14,446 --> 00:07:16,526 Fucking rat! 148 00:07:19,046 --> 00:07:20,726 Will you get off that thing soon? 149 00:07:21,726 --> 00:07:22,806 Mm... 150 00:08:01,886 --> 00:08:03,806 Thanks. Thank you. 151 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,086 I didn't say that. 152 00:08:24,446 --> 00:08:27,086 Right, so I was thinking, we need to keep Jessie hot in translation. 153 00:08:27,166 --> 00:08:28,606 -Morning. -Morning. 154 00:08:28,686 --> 00:08:31,686 We still need the Nordics, Brazil, Korea, and Spain. 155 00:08:31,766 --> 00:08:33,486 I'm focusing on Jessie today. 156 00:08:33,566 --> 00:08:35,646 I've got a really good in with a Swedish publisher 157 00:08:35,726 --> 00:08:38,686 whose younger brother also tragically died. 158 00:08:38,766 --> 00:08:40,726 Give it here. Come on. 159 00:08:42,526 --> 00:08:44,606 -You alright? -Got my period. 160 00:08:44,686 --> 00:08:47,806 Like, apropos of nothing, she's back, and she heavy. 161 00:08:47,886 --> 00:08:49,286 It's probably just leftover back-of-the-cupboard, 162 00:08:49,366 --> 00:08:50,926 been-there-for-years stuff. 163 00:08:51,006 --> 00:08:52,606 Hi, Sam. 164 00:08:57,326 --> 00:08:59,126 What the fuck? 165 00:09:00,046 --> 00:09:02,446 -What's he thanking you for? -I sent him a voice message 166 00:09:02,526 --> 00:09:04,806 -that he masturbated to. -Aww. 167 00:09:04,886 --> 00:09:06,926 That's so nice, after all these years, 168 00:09:07,006 --> 00:09:08,686 that you're still into each other like that. 169 00:09:08,766 --> 00:09:10,286 Oh, you're hilarious. 170 00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:12,086 "Still into each other like that." 171 00:09:12,966 --> 00:09:14,086 I blow him every morning. 172 00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:17,086 Every morning? That's abuse. 173 00:09:17,166 --> 00:09:19,086 -How is it abuse? I love it. -No woman loves that. 174 00:09:19,166 --> 00:09:21,686 You've been together 15 years, that's gotta be close to... 175 00:09:22,766 --> 00:09:24,526 a million blowjobs. That's vile. 176 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,006 That's horrible maths. 177 00:09:26,086 --> 00:09:28,286 You're fired. And it hasn't been 15 years. 178 00:09:28,366 --> 00:09:29,566 Well, when'd you start doing that? 179 00:09:29,646 --> 00:09:30,686 About a year ago. 180 00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,846 -Oh, so after he-- -Don't judge me 181 00:09:32,926 --> 00:09:34,646 because I like my husband and his cock. 182 00:09:37,526 --> 00:09:38,686 Look. 183 00:09:38,766 --> 00:09:40,406 Are you fucking kidding me? 184 00:09:40,486 --> 00:09:42,286 Well, now you're talking. Random House. 185 00:09:43,686 --> 00:09:46,326 We were hired when the pigeons got very malevolent one year. 186 00:09:46,406 --> 00:09:49,006 So, they decided to bring in the big birds. 187 00:09:49,086 --> 00:09:50,926 And the pigeons just backed off? 188 00:09:51,006 --> 00:09:52,366 Yeah, they flew away. 189 00:09:53,246 --> 00:09:56,766 Sometimes all you need is the smell of a hawk. 190 00:09:57,406 --> 00:09:59,086 The smell of a hawk. 191 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:00,126 Sounds good. 192 00:10:00,206 --> 00:10:01,646 Do you have a vermin problem? 193 00:10:04,686 --> 00:10:05,966 Sort of. 194 00:10:06,046 --> 00:10:07,966 -My queen, I... -Oh, what a cute little boy. 195 00:10:08,046 --> 00:10:09,966 Ugh. Get a room. 196 00:10:10,046 --> 00:10:11,886 Wish he'd been that much of a cunt when he worked for me. 197 00:10:11,966 --> 00:10:13,486 Might have actually made some money. 198 00:10:14,126 --> 00:10:15,126 Hey, wait! 199 00:10:15,206 --> 00:10:16,486 -Bye! -Oh, shit. 200 00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:20,486 Morning, ladies. 201 00:10:20,566 --> 00:10:22,206 Charlotte, you're looking well. 202 00:10:22,286 --> 00:10:23,606 -Is that a new perm? -Oh! 203 00:10:24,846 --> 00:10:26,286 How kind of you to notice. 204 00:10:26,366 --> 00:10:27,926 And did you get your fruit basket, Liv? 205 00:10:28,006 --> 00:10:29,606 I did, thank you. 206 00:10:29,686 --> 00:10:33,206 A little heavy on the bananas, but I appreciated the gesture. 207 00:10:33,286 --> 00:10:37,406 So, what brings you to Frankfurt? We just saw you chatting to Grayson. 208 00:10:37,486 --> 00:10:38,766 Anything we should know? 209 00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:41,406 Oh, darling. He's as gay as a feather boa. 210 00:10:41,486 --> 00:10:42,726 Yeah. 211 00:10:42,806 --> 00:10:45,046 Yeah, but what were you meeting about? 212 00:10:45,126 --> 00:10:47,686 Getting the lay of the land. Keep your sports bras on. 213 00:10:47,766 --> 00:10:50,286 Just getting a little help with looking for a new 214 00:10:50,366 --> 00:10:52,726 publisher for Wagon Burner. 215 00:10:52,806 --> 00:10:55,486 What, you can't just jump ship because you don't like a note. 216 00:10:55,566 --> 00:10:57,646 We'd like to find someone we're more aligned with. 217 00:10:57,726 --> 00:10:59,366 Somewhere a bit shinier. 218 00:10:59,446 --> 00:11:01,486 Maybe Random House, for example. 219 00:11:01,566 --> 00:11:04,766 Oh, Patricia's with Random House. She's a bloody laugh. 220 00:11:04,846 --> 00:11:06,726 Firstly, this is not how it's done. it's a terrible idea. 221 00:11:06,806 --> 00:11:08,086 Grayson thought it might be possible. 222 00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:10,246 No publisher's gonna go for this version. 223 00:11:10,326 --> 00:11:11,326 -You don't know that. -I do know that. 224 00:11:11,406 --> 00:11:12,486 -Why not? -Because-- 225 00:11:12,566 --> 00:11:14,646 Oh, ladies, please. 226 00:11:14,726 --> 00:11:16,446 My Weisswurst is congealing. 227 00:11:16,526 --> 00:11:18,286 Let's have dinner and just talk it out. 228 00:11:18,366 --> 00:11:20,246 -Lunch is better for me. -Okay. 229 00:11:20,326 --> 00:11:21,846 Actually, no, I've got meetings at lunch. 230 00:11:21,926 --> 00:11:23,766 Oh, drinks, maybe? 231 00:11:23,846 --> 00:11:25,406 Yes. Drinks. 232 00:11:27,406 --> 00:11:28,726 Random House are not gonna want a porno 233 00:11:28,806 --> 00:11:30,926 by Charlotte Arbor. 234 00:11:31,006 --> 00:11:33,806 Gonna have to have some quiet conversations today. 235 00:11:33,886 --> 00:11:35,206 You do the same. 236 00:11:35,286 --> 00:11:36,966 If she takes my breakfast, I will bite her hand off. 237 00:11:37,046 --> 00:11:38,286 -Just leave it. Just leave it. -Oh. 238 00:11:38,366 --> 00:11:39,646 Thank you. No, just leave all of it. 239 00:11:39,726 --> 00:11:41,326 -Oh. -Thank you, just leave it. 240 00:11:41,406 --> 00:11:42,366 Okay. 241 00:11:46,766 --> 00:11:49,046 Ugh. Gross. 242 00:11:50,046 --> 00:11:52,526 A global phenomenon has arrived. 243 00:11:52,606 --> 00:11:57,446 From the untamable mind of Malcolm Hammond comes Goblin Seed, 244 00:11:57,526 --> 00:11:59,646 the first installment of The Juniper Chronicles. 245 00:12:00,366 --> 00:12:01,526 Experience... 246 00:12:01,606 --> 00:12:03,806 Oh, and if you are a fan of Charlotte Arbor, 247 00:12:03,886 --> 00:12:05,806 she's just written a new historical romance. 248 00:12:05,886 --> 00:12:07,686 Her 10th decade has liberated her. 249 00:12:07,766 --> 00:12:11,486 Stop it, I love her. But we'll never find consensus in-house. 250 00:12:11,566 --> 00:12:13,246 We're looking for newer, 251 00:12:13,326 --> 00:12:15,486 -more original voices. -Right. 252 00:12:15,566 --> 00:12:16,886 Do you have anyone? 253 00:12:18,126 --> 00:12:20,446 Yeah. Yeah, I do, actually. 254 00:12:20,526 --> 00:12:22,126 Yafa Barghouti. 255 00:12:22,206 --> 00:12:24,326 Think early Rushdie meets Haddad. 256 00:12:24,406 --> 00:12:27,406 He's an emotional writer, but he's commercial, for sure. 257 00:12:27,486 --> 00:12:29,566 Well, if he's on your list, I want to read him. 258 00:12:29,646 --> 00:12:31,286 -Can you send something? -Yeah, yeah. 259 00:12:31,366 --> 00:12:33,086 -I mean, he's not-- -Alex! 260 00:12:33,166 --> 00:12:35,406 I'll be one minute. 261 00:12:35,486 --> 00:12:36,766 -I'm a bit stretched for time. -Yeah. 262 00:12:36,846 --> 00:12:38,926 Oh, you look a bit haunted. 263 00:12:39,006 --> 00:12:41,206 No, just pitching Wagon Burner. 264 00:12:41,286 --> 00:12:43,246 Well, be subtle or Karen's gonna suss something's up. 265 00:12:43,326 --> 00:12:44,846 Okay, did you tell her about the publishing move? 266 00:12:44,926 --> 00:12:46,686 No, of course not. I thought she was gonna shank me 267 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,206 because I didn't order oysters with her. 268 00:12:48,286 --> 00:12:49,326 Oh, shit. 269 00:12:49,406 --> 00:12:50,606 -I've got your card. -Okay. 270 00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:52,446 -I'll call you. -Yes, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 271 00:12:52,526 --> 00:12:54,326 Oh! Have you read Goblin Seed? 272 00:12:54,406 --> 00:12:56,246 Karen Saville-Stewart thinks it's the first 273 00:12:56,326 --> 00:12:58,566 in a series of at least eight books. 274 00:12:58,646 --> 00:12:59,846 Well, I mean, anyone can think 275 00:12:59,926 --> 00:13:01,886 anything's the first in a series of at least eight books. 276 00:13:01,966 --> 00:13:03,686 -Do you know what I mean? -Oh. Yeah. 277 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:07,966 It won't be. 278 00:13:11,526 --> 00:13:14,886 Excuse me. Excuse me. Who's paying you? 279 00:13:14,966 --> 00:13:16,406 Excuse me. Who sent you? 280 00:13:17,806 --> 00:13:18,926 Can you just tell me who... 281 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,686 Damn goblin dicks. 282 00:13:21,766 --> 00:13:24,926 Why is it that you choose to self-publish? 283 00:13:25,006 --> 00:13:29,166 You sold 200,000 copies of Goblin Seed in a week. 284 00:13:29,246 --> 00:13:31,846 You-- Well, talk of the Fair. 285 00:13:31,926 --> 00:13:33,246 Yeah. 286 00:13:33,326 --> 00:13:34,606 Well deserved, yeah. 287 00:13:36,286 --> 00:13:37,566 So, why is that? 288 00:13:38,566 --> 00:13:41,526 People used to wonder why a writer would self-publish 289 00:13:41,606 --> 00:13:42,886 if his work was any good. 290 00:13:42,966 --> 00:13:44,366 Didn't you use to rep him? 291 00:13:44,446 --> 00:13:46,046 No. No. 292 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,086 Oh, I heard you let him go just before he wrote the Chronicles. 293 00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:49,966 Well, if you knew that, why'd you bloody ask? 294 00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:52,486 You have full creative control. 295 00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:53,966 So funny. 296 00:13:55,446 --> 00:13:57,166 I've just seen my ex in the audience. 297 00:13:57,246 --> 00:13:58,646 That's your ex? 298 00:13:58,726 --> 00:14:01,126 -Ex-agent. -Oh, is she... 299 00:14:01,206 --> 00:14:02,606 No, I'd... 300 00:14:02,686 --> 00:14:05,046 I'd actually like to thank her. Alex. 301 00:14:06,126 --> 00:14:08,726 If you hadn't fired me, I wouldn't have had the courage 302 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:11,446 to write my magnum opus, so thank you. 303 00:14:14,326 --> 00:14:16,006 Alright. Right. 304 00:14:16,086 --> 00:14:17,326 That's lovely. 305 00:14:18,686 --> 00:14:21,606 Simon. Simon, romantasies are such a huge trend 306 00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:23,406 at the moment. What do you think? 307 00:14:41,886 --> 00:14:44,726 If you want us to stick around, you better get behind this novel. 308 00:14:44,806 --> 00:14:46,686 Show us you care. 309 00:14:46,766 --> 00:14:48,366 You get us a newer publisher. 310 00:14:58,326 --> 00:14:59,926 -Hey. -Oh. 311 00:15:01,246 --> 00:15:03,886 -No swimsuits allowed. -Yeah, yeah, I just... 312 00:15:04,566 --> 00:15:06,126 I'm really done now, anyway. 313 00:15:07,566 --> 00:15:09,046 You made me laugh at the panel. 314 00:15:09,766 --> 00:15:11,966 Looking around. "Who, me?" 315 00:15:13,126 --> 00:15:15,926 I didn't know about you and Malcolm. He's an impressive man. 316 00:15:16,006 --> 00:15:18,406 Is he? Or is he a giant knob? 317 00:15:19,726 --> 00:15:22,286 You want me to sneak you into the WME party tonight? 318 00:15:23,286 --> 00:15:26,286 Everyone's gonna be there, HarperCollins, Canongate, Random House. 319 00:15:26,366 --> 00:15:27,646 -Yeah, I do. -Yeah? 320 00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:29,886 -I'll pick you up about 7:30. -Okay, great. 321 00:15:29,966 --> 00:15:31,886 -There'll be a chocolate fountain. -Oh, lovely. 322 00:15:31,966 --> 00:15:33,886 Oh, can I bring my son? 323 00:15:37,566 --> 00:15:38,526 No. 324 00:15:45,126 --> 00:15:46,286 Hey, Thomas. 325 00:15:46,366 --> 00:15:47,606 -Chocolate fountain? -Mm-hmm. 326 00:16:13,526 --> 00:16:15,446 -You having a bit of dinner? -Yeah, where are you? 327 00:16:15,526 --> 00:16:17,766 I'm running to a party-- a meeting. 328 00:16:18,486 --> 00:16:19,966 Shit. Did you get the link I sent? 329 00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:21,486 -Mm, no. -Yeah, I booked you 330 00:16:21,566 --> 00:16:24,046 into a networking event at the Frankfurt Uni campus. 331 00:16:24,126 --> 00:16:26,166 No, Mum, I'm not hanging out with German teenagers. 332 00:16:26,246 --> 00:16:28,486 -No, it's international. -No. 333 00:16:28,566 --> 00:16:29,966 Yeah, they're not all gonna be German. 334 00:16:30,046 --> 00:16:31,286 -I'm not doing it. -Ruari, please. 335 00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:32,286 -I have shit to sell. -No, no. 336 00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:34,046 Please! I'll pay you. 337 00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:35,246 Ruari, I'll pay you. 338 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,606 Fine. 339 00:16:38,686 --> 00:16:41,206 -Who'd be playing the part? -Him or Clooney. 340 00:16:41,286 --> 00:16:44,166 I think it has to be someone with that... 341 00:16:44,246 --> 00:16:47,926 It's my vision, you know. I have to be, you know, in power, really. 342 00:16:52,166 --> 00:16:55,926 Yeah, I mean, I think Wagon Burner could be great for Random House. 343 00:16:56,006 --> 00:16:58,646 Very challenging subject matter politically, 344 00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:00,446 but it's sexy, you know? 345 00:17:00,526 --> 00:17:01,926 It's very sexy. 346 00:17:02,006 --> 00:17:04,606 Thanks to BookTok, all the influencers, 347 00:17:04,686 --> 00:17:07,206 particularly in China, have gone apeshit for it. 348 00:17:07,286 --> 00:17:09,006 Are you interested? 349 00:17:09,086 --> 00:17:10,566 I mean, I could slip you a copy. 350 00:17:10,646 --> 00:17:13,206 The raunchier stuff is reaching a much younger audience. 351 00:17:13,286 --> 00:17:15,246 Younger than Charlotte? That's practically everyone. 352 00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,126 Exactly, she's killing it. 353 00:17:23,846 --> 00:17:24,886 These are on my mom. 354 00:17:24,966 --> 00:17:26,606 Oh! Thank you, Mommy. 355 00:17:26,686 --> 00:17:27,846 Yeah. 356 00:17:29,766 --> 00:17:31,846 What do people do for fun around here? 357 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,366 Drink 9% beer and smoke weed. 358 00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:36,686 -Oh, weed, yeah. Nice. -What do you want to do, Ruari? 359 00:17:36,766 --> 00:17:38,366 Frankfurt is at your mercy. 360 00:17:48,326 --> 00:17:51,126 -Mm! -What are you doing? 361 00:17:52,566 --> 00:17:54,366 Okay, that's too much-- 362 00:17:54,446 --> 00:17:55,926 That's too much eye contact. 363 00:17:56,006 --> 00:17:57,366 -Sorry. -Oh. Alright. 364 00:18:33,366 --> 00:18:36,006 Alex! Alex! 365 00:18:37,286 --> 00:18:38,646 Come over here. 366 00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:54,686 -Quickly. -Yeah. 367 00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:55,846 -Quick! -Wait a second. 368 00:18:58,686 --> 00:18:59,646 Oh! 369 00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:04,046 Yeah, I'm not sure what's happening there. 370 00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:06,086 -Don't worry. -Actually, should we stop? 371 00:19:07,726 --> 00:19:08,926 -Let's just stop. -Yeah? 372 00:19:09,006 --> 00:19:10,006 Yeah. 373 00:19:11,966 --> 00:19:15,126 I'm so sorry, I think there's someone still in there using the-- 374 00:19:15,206 --> 00:19:18,206 What did you say I should do, wait? What? 375 00:19:18,286 --> 00:19:19,806 You want me to wait in the bathroom? 376 00:19:23,966 --> 00:19:26,166 Well, you've had a very busy night, by all accounts. 377 00:19:26,246 --> 00:19:29,246 Oh. Yeah, sorry. What do you know? 378 00:19:29,326 --> 00:19:32,486 I've kept Charlotte Arbor relevant through three bad books, 379 00:19:32,566 --> 00:19:35,246 two retirements, and rumored dementia. 380 00:19:35,326 --> 00:19:39,166 And now, you parade her around like a fucking debutante. 381 00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:43,446 Alex, you don't poach authors in plain sight. 382 00:19:43,526 --> 00:19:45,046 Not from me. 383 00:19:45,126 --> 00:19:46,606 -Not in Frankfurt! -What? 384 00:19:48,686 --> 00:19:50,366 -Fucking Random House. -What the... 385 00:19:51,726 --> 00:19:53,246 Now, she remembers me! 386 00:19:54,406 --> 00:19:55,766 Oh, fuck. 387 00:20:21,526 --> 00:20:23,566 "Cats"? 388 00:20:23,646 --> 00:20:25,926 Just got your message. You're a legend! 389 00:20:26,006 --> 00:20:28,366 As my dad would say, I worked as hard as an ugly hooker. 390 00:20:28,446 --> 00:20:30,046 Random House wanna talk over breakfast. 391 00:20:30,126 --> 00:20:32,646 -I just got an email. -I just got hit by a Karen. 392 00:20:32,726 --> 00:20:34,566 Well, I told her we'd make it up to her 393 00:20:34,646 --> 00:20:36,846 by resigning Malcolm, and we'd bring... 394 00:20:36,926 --> 00:20:39,246 -What? What?! -...the Goblin Seed series to her. 395 00:20:39,326 --> 00:20:41,086 -Sam, no! -We can do it. 396 00:20:41,166 --> 00:20:43,926 You can do it. Anyway, we've no choice now. 397 00:20:44,006 --> 00:20:45,646 I'll talk to you tomorrow. 398 00:20:47,926 --> 00:20:49,166 Is this my hotel? 399 00:20:49,966 --> 00:20:51,406 Hey. 400 00:20:51,486 --> 00:20:52,806 Shall we try again? 401 00:21:01,846 --> 00:21:03,526 Oh, wait. Wait a minute. 402 00:21:04,486 --> 00:21:06,206 -What? -Give me a second. 403 00:21:06,286 --> 00:21:08,006 -One moment. -Okay, wh... 404 00:21:10,646 --> 00:21:13,126 -Where are you going? -Getting us some towels. 405 00:21:14,166 --> 00:21:16,086 It's not a deckchair. We're not German. 406 00:21:16,166 --> 00:21:17,566 Well, I am German. 407 00:21:25,766 --> 00:21:26,926 I'd like to punish you for making-- 408 00:21:27,006 --> 00:21:28,846 Please, shut up. 409 00:21:36,206 --> 00:21:37,686 -I gotta... -What? 410 00:21:38,726 --> 00:21:39,686 What? 411 00:21:40,606 --> 00:21:41,926 We can do it without towels! 412 00:22:02,366 --> 00:22:03,486 What the fuck? 413 00:22:03,566 --> 00:22:05,006 -This high! This high! -Ruari! 414 00:22:05,086 --> 00:22:06,406 Can you kick this high? 415 00:22:06,486 --> 00:22:08,046 -Ruari! -And I can kick this high. 416 00:22:08,126 --> 00:22:10,406 Ruari, what the hell are you doing? 417 00:22:10,486 --> 00:22:14,966 What are you doing? Getting pissed with a child in a cemetery. 418 00:22:15,046 --> 00:22:16,886 -How old are you? -Forty-seven. 419 00:22:16,966 --> 00:22:18,766 -Jesus Christ. -That's so weird. 420 00:22:18,846 --> 00:22:20,846 Please, just fuck off back to your aerie. 421 00:22:21,686 --> 00:22:23,006 That's eagles. 422 00:22:23,086 --> 00:22:26,326 But if you mean where my hawk lives, he lives in my house. 423 00:22:27,366 --> 00:22:29,686 Where are you going? What the hell were you doing? 424 00:22:29,766 --> 00:22:31,606 -You scared the shit out of me! -What? 425 00:22:31,686 --> 00:22:33,366 What was that fucking message about? 426 00:22:33,446 --> 00:22:34,766 What message? 427 00:22:34,846 --> 00:22:38,166 "I know where the bodies are buried. Because I did it, I buried them." 428 00:22:38,246 --> 00:22:41,206 -What the hell? -We went on the Black Death tour. 429 00:22:41,286 --> 00:22:43,526 My phone must have recorded what I was saying 430 00:22:43,606 --> 00:22:45,526 and sent it to you. 431 00:22:46,646 --> 00:22:48,926 Oh, yeah. Oh, right. Well, of course, that's what it was. 432 00:22:49,006 --> 00:22:51,166 How obvious. How'd I not figure that out? 433 00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:52,726 Well, what did you think I was doing, Mum? 434 00:22:52,806 --> 00:22:55,886 Well, I'm sorry, but I don't know, do I? 435 00:22:55,966 --> 00:22:57,646 I don't know what you've been doing. 436 00:22:57,726 --> 00:22:59,806 Those girls at your uni halls, they called you... 437 00:23:00,966 --> 00:23:02,126 They said something bad about you. 438 00:23:02,206 --> 00:23:05,326 What, so you thought I was murdering women in the 1800s, Mum? 439 00:23:05,406 --> 00:23:08,126 All I have are worst-case scenarios. 440 00:23:08,206 --> 00:23:09,806 Just tell me what happened at uni. 441 00:23:09,886 --> 00:23:11,486 -Just tell me. -Just stop, Mum. 442 00:23:11,566 --> 00:23:13,366 -Please, Ruari. -Just fucking leave me alone. 443 00:23:13,446 --> 00:23:14,406 Please. 444 00:23:18,246 --> 00:23:21,646 I went to this freshers' week thing and I got really drunk. 445 00:23:22,606 --> 00:23:24,086 And I was getting with Bridget because I was-- 446 00:23:24,166 --> 00:23:26,086 because I liked her, and I was happy about that. 447 00:23:27,006 --> 00:23:29,606 And then, I think we must have passed out, 448 00:23:29,686 --> 00:23:31,966 'cause when I woke up, I was in bed with her, and my hands... 449 00:23:33,206 --> 00:23:35,086 My hands were down, like, the front of her jeans. 450 00:23:35,166 --> 00:23:36,446 Oh, for God's sake. 451 00:23:37,286 --> 00:23:41,686 And I tried to pull it out, but when she woke up, she freaked out. 452 00:23:41,766 --> 00:23:43,166 But then we talked about it, and neither of us 453 00:23:43,246 --> 00:23:44,846 could remember, you know, if we'd gone to bed 454 00:23:44,926 --> 00:23:46,286 still, like, getting with each other. 455 00:23:46,366 --> 00:23:47,806 -Okay. -But she was cool about it. 456 00:23:47,886 --> 00:23:49,926 She was just like, "Forget it." 457 00:23:50,766 --> 00:23:51,846 -Okay, well-- -But I... 458 00:23:51,926 --> 00:23:55,246 I think she might have told Mia, and, like, the others. 459 00:23:55,326 --> 00:23:58,246 Well, what did she tell Mia? And what happened with Mia? 460 00:23:58,326 --> 00:23:59,406 -What's going on there? -Nothing, noth-- 461 00:23:59,486 --> 00:24:00,486 Just tell me. 462 00:24:02,366 --> 00:24:03,326 We was... 463 00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:06,566 We were supposed to have sex when we were together. 464 00:24:08,686 --> 00:24:12,446 But I just couldn't, I don't know, I couldn't... 465 00:24:12,526 --> 00:24:13,566 it wasn't working. 466 00:24:13,646 --> 00:24:15,566 Well, that happens, okay? That happens. 467 00:24:15,646 --> 00:24:18,286 But she took it as an insult, and now she hates me. 468 00:24:18,366 --> 00:24:20,806 But what happened with Bridget is just this whole fucking... 469 00:24:20,886 --> 00:24:23,006 Spread all around uni now. 470 00:24:23,886 --> 00:24:25,606 And everyone thinks I'm a fucking pervert. 471 00:24:26,566 --> 00:24:29,886 -And, well, maybe I actually am a pervert. -You are not a pervert, okay? 472 00:24:30,646 --> 00:24:32,486 Do not say that, you're not a pervert. 473 00:24:32,566 --> 00:24:35,166 No one in your family is a pervert, not even on your dad's side. 474 00:24:35,246 --> 00:24:36,606 All this noise in my head. 475 00:24:37,926 --> 00:24:39,926 It's not just this, it's fucking everything. 476 00:24:41,086 --> 00:24:42,566 It's too hard, Mum. 477 00:24:42,646 --> 00:24:44,606 I just want to be fucking in my room, just-- 478 00:24:44,686 --> 00:24:47,206 Okay, well, then be in your room. 479 00:24:47,286 --> 00:24:48,366 Okay? 480 00:24:48,446 --> 00:24:50,726 There's no pressure to go back to uni. 481 00:24:50,806 --> 00:24:54,526 Alright? We just take your time. And you just figure it out, you know? 482 00:24:54,606 --> 00:24:57,566 We'll get you a job or something different. 483 00:24:57,646 --> 00:24:58,766 You know, we'll just-- 484 00:24:58,846 --> 00:25:02,286 with no stress and no teenagers, okay? 485 00:25:02,366 --> 00:25:04,006 -Yeah. -Okay? 486 00:25:05,486 --> 00:25:08,366 Ruari tells me it's very hard to talk to his father like this. 487 00:25:09,766 --> 00:25:11,246 If you can even call him a father. 488 00:25:13,166 --> 00:25:14,526 Is there room for another one? 489 00:25:26,566 --> 00:25:28,166 Well, look who it is. 490 00:25:32,406 --> 00:25:33,686 When in Frankfurt. 491 00:25:34,286 --> 00:25:37,366 -Well, that's my 15 minutes anyway, so. -Stay long at the party? 492 00:25:37,446 --> 00:25:40,046 Lars is a laugh, isn't he? 493 00:25:40,886 --> 00:25:42,806 Hear you got your son with you, too. 494 00:25:42,886 --> 00:25:45,526 Women are amazing. I don't know how they juggle it all. 495 00:25:45,606 --> 00:25:47,646 Work, life, pleasure. 496 00:25:48,486 --> 00:25:49,806 Okay. 497 00:25:49,886 --> 00:25:51,966 If you want me back, I'll consider it. 498 00:25:52,726 --> 00:25:53,966 You will? 499 00:25:54,046 --> 00:25:55,366 -Okay, well-- -What can I say? 500 00:25:55,446 --> 00:25:57,406 I like how you do business. 501 00:26:00,886 --> 00:26:02,526 -You got blood on your towel. -What? 502 00:26:03,486 --> 00:26:05,086 Shit, it's my time of the month. 503 00:26:06,326 --> 00:26:08,126 At your age? No. 504 00:26:08,206 --> 00:26:09,846 No, it'll be from the flying. 505 00:26:10,806 --> 00:26:13,446 I used to fuck a lot of air hostesses, so... 506 00:26:16,126 --> 00:26:17,806 Don't let the heat out!