1 00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:31,698 In 1803, Thomas Jefferson acquired the Louisiana Purchase 2 00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:34,034 from Napoleon for 15 million dollars, 3 00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:36,119 doubling the size of the United States 4 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:40,207 at the very nice price of 18 dollars per square mile. 5 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,126 President Jefferson tasked Meriwether Lewis 6 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:46,713 with an expedition west to explore and document this new territory. 7 00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,882 Lewis chose his best friend, William Clark, 8 00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:51,093 as his co-leader on the expedition. 9 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:54,054 The 8,000-mile journey was expected to last years, 10 00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:57,057 but before they could even begin their famous trek, 11 00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:01,103 the biggest obstacle of all needed to be overcome. 12 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,313 Lewis's wife, Mavis. 13 00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:13,865 Honey! 14 00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:18,287 Oh my God. I missed you so much. 15 00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:20,455 -Oh, my gosh, did I miss you! I... I-- -I'm so happy you're home. 16 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:22,124 Is that... Is that a new bonnet? 17 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,084 It is. I made it while you were gone. 18 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,752 -Very becoming. Excellent work. -Yeah. 19 00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:27,254 -Thank you. Thank you. -Excellent job. 20 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:28,672 You're such a good seamstress, aren't you? 21 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,465 -I try. I love it. -You can make anything you put 22 00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:31,800 -those little hands on, can't you? -See? 23 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,678 -I miss you so much. I just miss you. -Yeah. 24 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,723 Listen, I know you've been gone, but there's gonna be a lot of work 25 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:40,517 -to do around here, okay? -Yeah. 26 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,144 -We have the holes for the latrines... -Yeah. 27 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,021 ...that need to be dug before the rains come. 28 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,148 Don't forget, there's all the hides that we have to tan 29 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,399 from last year that we didn't get to... 30 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,026 -Yeah. We gotta tan. Yeah. -...so we have to do that. 31 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,777 -Oh, my gosh, it's a lot of work, right? -Yeah. 32 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:53,655 So how was the meeting with President Jefferson? 33 00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,240 Guess what everybody's talking about? 34 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:58,076 -Another Indian massacre? -No. 35 00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,494 The Louisiana Purchase. 36 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,039 -This is such a big deal. -Yes. Huge. 37 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,833 So tell me all about the meeting. What did he say? 38 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:06,001 Well... 39 00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:10,130 It's... It's crazy, but... 40 00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:14,301 you know, he wants me to explore the... 41 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,428 the Oregon Trail. 42 00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:18,555 -What? -Yeah. The Louisiana Purchase. 43 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,349 -You? -Yeah, yeah. He needs maps 44 00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:21,683 -and he... -Maps? 45 00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:23,935 He-- You know, he wants to know what he bought. 46 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,730 You just got home, and now you're leaving again? 47 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,274 I know. Well, you think I want to go? I want to be here with you. 48 00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:31,652 I want to skin the carcasses. I want to tan the hides. 49 00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,363 I want to can the fruit, brine the pickles. 50 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:36,948 I was up for it, ready to do it. 51 00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:38,241 You're doing this alone? 52 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,410 You're going alone on the Oregon Trail? 53 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,787 No, no. 54 00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:43,872 -No. -No. 55 00:02:43,954 --> 00:02:45,040 You'll have company. 56 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:47,959 Clark is... 57 00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:49,628 Clark is-- Clark's going... 58 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,463 Clark's gonna go with me. 59 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,924 -William Clark? -Yeah, yeah, William. 60 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,634 Yeah, William's coming. Yeah. 61 00:02:55,716 --> 00:02:57,219 Your best friend and fishing buddy? 62 00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:58,762 Jefferson wants Clark to go with me. 63 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,180 -You think I want Clark? -Clark? 64 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:02,140 He's a whiner. He complains all the time. 65 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:05,143 He's a bad climber. Guy's got bunions. 66 00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,728 -Bunions? -And all he does is, 67 00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,814 "Oh, my foot, my toes, my toe..." 68 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:10,941 I was doing my best to get out of it. 69 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,025 -That's all, honey. -You-- God. 70 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,194 I don't wanna go exploring with Clark. 71 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:19,241 So the president wanted you to map the Oregon Trail 72 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:22,035 with your best friend, William Clark. 73 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:24,579 It's kind of the definition of a coincidence. 74 00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:26,707 Here you have my best friend, 75 00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:30,752 and without even me mentioning him to President Jefferson, 76 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,629 he says, "I want William Clark to go with you." 77 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,047 He doesn't even know we're friends. 78 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,340 Excuse me. 79 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:37,259 Who could that be? 80 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:40,178 -Hey, William! -Hey! 81 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:42,013 -Oh my God, what a surprise! -Clark. 82 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,348 Well, I heard you just got back. 83 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:46,393 -Yeah! Hey, honey! Look, look. -William Clark. 84 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:47,894 We were just talking about you. 85 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:51,106 -Yeah. -How's Abigail? 86 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:52,733 -Good. Yes, good. -Right, good, good. 87 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,901 And how are your bunions? 88 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,738 -What? My what? -Bunions. 89 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,115 Your bunions? Your bunions. 90 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:01,241 -The bunions. -Your bunion problem. 91 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:02,325 -Yeah, good. -Bunions. 92 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,577 -Yeah. -Bunions are good. 93 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:06,037 -They're good. -You're doing the willow bark, right? 94 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:07,164 -Willow bark. -Willow bark? 95 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,331 -Yeah, I did the willow bark. -Yeah. 96 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:09,541 You chew on it. 97 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:11,793 No, you're supposed to rub the bark on the bunions. 98 00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:13,003 I do that, too. 99 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,422 I do a rub and chew, 100 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:17,923 and then the toe just went like that. 101 00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:19,301 -A rub and chew? -Yeah. 102 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,470 -It's a miracle. -No-- Yeah, it was a miracle. 103 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:24,556 All right. Well, I'll let you two chew the fat. 104 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,933 I have chores to do. 105 00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:29,102 Got chores. 106 00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:31,229 -Lot of laundry for one person. -Yeah. 107 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,735 -So, did you tell her? -Yeah, yeah. I told her. 108 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,111 -Is she cool? -No, no. It's not cool. 109 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,654 -It's not cool at all. No, no. -It's not cool? 110 00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,406 -Did you tell Abigail? -Yes, I told her. 111 00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,574 -Well, what'd she say? -Not cool. 112 00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,242 -Oh, yeah. -Yeah, but come on. 113 00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:45,494 -We're going. Yeah, yeah. -We gotta go. 114 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,204 -Come on. -There's not even a question about it. 115 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,372 -We're going. We are going. -Yes. Okay, good. Good. 116 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:50,791 -Bring your fishing rod. -Oh, yeah. 117 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:51,875 -Yeah. -I got lures. 118 00:04:51,957 --> 00:04:53,335 -Beautiful. Yeah. -I got bait. 119 00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:54,711 What about a net? You got a net? 120 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,087 No, I don't have a net. 121 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,255 I'm gonna use my hat. 122 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:58,465 -What? -Use my hat. 123 00:04:58,548 --> 00:04:59,925 -Great. -So the whole trip 124 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,760 -will just be us having fun. -Yeah. 125 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:02,886 -Having fun, yeah. -Fishing. 126 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,679 -Fishing, yeah. -And that's it, right? 127 00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:06,348 You know, we gotta do some exploring. 128 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:07,891 -Yeah. -Yeah. 129 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,309 What does that entail? 130 00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:13,146 Well, I imagine it's going to a place you've never been before, and you... 131 00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:15,148 -you know, you look around. -We can do that. 132 00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:16,525 -Yeah. It's easy. -That's not hard. 133 00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:17,692 -It's easy. Yeah. -Yeah. 134 00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:18,819 -You went to Washington. -Yeah. 135 00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:19,903 -You saw Jefferson. -Yeah. 136 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:20,987 -What's he like? -A prick. 137 00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:22,072 -Really? -Yeah. 138 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,698 He's a strange guy. 139 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:25,742 -Always running to France. -Yeah. 140 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,077 What is he doing in France? 141 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:30,455 -Yeah. -Hey, what about us? 142 00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:33,207 -Can we bring some squaws? -You can't say "squaws" anymore. 143 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:34,626 Only they can say squaws. 144 00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:36,419 -They can say squaws. -Yeah, we can't say squaws. 145 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,380 -Teepee? -I think teepee's cool. 146 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:39,965 Wampum? Can you say wampum? 147 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,133 -That's kind of a gray area. -Whatever. 148 00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:43,385 This trip is gonna be so great. 149 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,387 -So great. -So great. 150 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:46,888 What's gonna be so great? 151 00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:49,474 It's a great... It's a great burden... 152 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:52,310 -Yes. -...to have to leave our families 153 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:55,021 and go away on this crazy thing. 154 00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:56,356 -Yeah. -We don't wanna go. 155 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:59,776 But the responsibility that we feel to our president... 156 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,361 -President, fellow man. -...our fellow man, 157 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,612 -our-- -Service to the country. 158 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:03,989 -Service to the country, that's right. -Yeah. 159 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,365 You know what? You... 160 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,325 -You need to pack, don't you? -I do. 161 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:08,493 -No, no. -Yeah. 162 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:09,786 I just have a couple of questions. 163 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,247 So, William, President Jefferson... 164 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,918 -chose you to go on this expedition? -He did. 165 00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:18,461 So you've met President Jefferson? 166 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,255 -Yeah, yeah. -What's he like? 167 00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:21,298 He's a prick. 168 00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,927 Have you ever explored before? 169 00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:27,929 You're an explorer just by being alive. 170 00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:30,140 'Cause any place I go that I haven't been, 171 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,641 I'm exploring. 172 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:32,726 -You're exploring? -Yes. 173 00:06:32,808 --> 00:06:34,895 Since he got out of the womb, he's been exploring. 174 00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,730 -I observe. -You should see-- Look at his eyes. 175 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,315 -Yeah. -Look at the wide-eyed... 176 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,774 He's a wide-eyed fella. 177 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,985 He has unbounding curiosity. 178 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:45,530 And while you're doing that, I assume that you'll go fishing. 179 00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,240 -Yeah, but... -Yeah, survival fishing. 180 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,575 -Right, right. -Oh, survival? 181 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,118 -So not fun fishing. -No, no, no. 182 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:51,494 -We're not fun fishing. -Not at all. 183 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:52,746 -We fish to eat. -Yeah. 184 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,873 So, how long is this whole thing gonna take? 185 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,374 -It's gonna take... -Not gonna-- Not very long. 186 00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:57,918 -Not long? -Couple of years. 187 00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,461 Wait. "Couple of years"? 188 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,421 -A couple years? While you're-- -No. 189 00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:03,465 He doesn't know what he's talking about, okay? 190 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:04,925 -At the most. -No, are you telling me 191 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,843 that this Clark and Lewis expedition 192 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,637 -is gonna take a couple of years? -Who? The what? 193 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,680 It's not Clark and Lewis. It's Lewis and Clark. 194 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:11,890 -No, it's Clark and Lewis. -What-- 195 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,516 -Please. Can-- Please. -Clark and Lewis, alphabetical. 196 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,852 We're Lewis and Clark, that's it. 197 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,103 It is interesting 198 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:20,231 -to look at it alphabetically. -Yes. 199 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:23,485 You can look at it alphabetically, but that doesn't make it interesting. 200 00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:25,236 -It's like ham and eggs. -Right. 201 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,656 Eggs precedes ham in the alphabet 202 00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:32,494 and yet it sounds so much better when you say "ham and eggs." 203 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:34,079 Yet it tastes the same, 204 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,539 whether it's "ham and eggs" or "eggs and ham." 205 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,582 Nobody's eating us, Clark. 206 00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:39,918 Something's eating me. 207 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,879 Is anybody else going on this trip with you? 208 00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:44,923 -No, no, no. -No, no, no. 209 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,049 -No? -No, yeah. 210 00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,551 -Couple Indian gals. -"Gals"? 211 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,720 Indian women are going? 212 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:51,888 But they're old. 213 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,557 -Old Indian gals? -Old Indians. Yes. 214 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,308 -Old, infirmed. -Yeah. 215 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,519 -Infirm? -Yes. 216 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,104 -Gnarled. -"Gnarled"? 217 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,939 -Gnarled, yes. -Stop, stop, stop! Why are they sending 218 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,023 squaws with you? 219 00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:03,608 -You can't say squaws. -You can't say squaws. 220 00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:04,776 -Can't say squaws? -Can't say squaws. 221 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,528 -No. -Okay. What are they gonna do? 222 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:07,612 They're gonna navigate. 223 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,030 -We need directions. Yeah. -Directions. 224 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,699 Who knows better than the old Indian women? 225 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,283 -Right. That's right. -No. Yeah, you have a point. 226 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,077 Besides, they wanna get them off the reservation... 227 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,412 -Yeah. -...because they're unsightly. 228 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,205 -They don't really want-- -They're unsightly? 229 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,082 -All right. You know what? -I'm just so curious about this. 230 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,959 You need to... You need to pack. No? 231 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,044 -I do. I got clothes on the line. I... -Packing to do. 232 00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:25,171 -Yeah. Okay. Gotta go. -Yeah. 233 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,923 All right. I'll see you in a minute. 234 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,094 -Can you believe it? -Can you believe it? 235 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,345 She bought the whole thing? 236 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,638 -The whole thing. -The whole thing. 237 00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:34,722 Everything. The bunions. 238 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,099 -I don't know what a bunion is. -The bunions. 239 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,600 -I've never had a bunion. -Well, how about... 240 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,477 -how about the rub and chew? -Hey, listen. 241 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,980 Would you come with me to my house and talk to Abigail 242 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:43,815 so I can get off the hook like you did? 243 00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:45,066 -Yeah. -Great. 244 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,277 -Yeah, of course. Okay, come on. -Come on. Let's go to my house. 245 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,529 -Where are you going? -Where are you going? 246 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:50,613 My house. 247 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,490 -Yeah, it's this way. -No, it isn't. 248 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:54,284 It's right down the path. 249 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,369 Yeah, that path over there. 250 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,329 Are you sure? 251 00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,748 I think so. 252 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,335 Huh? What am I thinking of? 253 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:06,588 -I thought it-- -I thought... 254 00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,852 Our democracy differs from others 255 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:23,605 in that a candidate can be elected president 256 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:26,107 even if they don't get the most votes. 257 00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:27,859 Odd, no? 258 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,861 For reasons that defy logic, 259 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:34,032 the Founding Fathers enshrined in the Constitution the Electoral College 260 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:37,077 which, confusingly, is not a university. 261 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,829 It's not even a place, but a process, 262 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,290 where each state has a certain number of electors 263 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:43,958 determined by their population. 264 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:47,212 Because of this bizarre process, five times in U.S. history, 265 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,756 the winner of the popular vote has lost the presidency. 266 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:52,884 In 1876, Democrat Samuel J. Tilden 267 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:55,553 ran against the Republican Rutherford B. Hayes. 268 00:09:55,637 --> 00:10:01,184 On election night, the volatile Tilden awaited the results in his hotel room. 269 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,228 This is brilliant. 270 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,188 -Thank you. -What a brilliant acceptance speech. 271 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,731 -Thank you! -Thank you, Governor. 272 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:07,982 How about this line? 273 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,485 "From the shores of the Hudson 274 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:13,279 to the rolling hills of the North Country, 275 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:17,117 -your voices have been heard." -"Have been heard." 276 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,119 -Hope I get to deliver this. -Thank you, sir. 277 00:10:19,911 --> 00:10:23,998 I'm thinking of Seaburn for Treasury. 278 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,416 Yes. 279 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,710 -Coleman for State. -It's creative. 280 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,380 Not really any experience in foreign affairs, but... 281 00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:31,548 No, but you can control him. 282 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,091 -Yeah, absolutely. -Yeah. 283 00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,384 I'll tell you what else I'm thinking. 284 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,469 I'm thinking of making you... 285 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,722 the first Black cabinet member. 286 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,142 -Postmaster General, you, sir! -Wow. 287 00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,226 I don't know what to say. 288 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,602 -Wonderful. -You, sir! 289 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:47,438 -I'll deliver. -You'll deliver! I love it! 290 00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:48,606 I love it! 291 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,694 Just been thinking about moving into the White House. 292 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,237 First of all, we gotta change the mattress. 293 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,990 Grant-- I'm not gonna sleep on his disgusting... 294 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,409 -He drinks, he smokes in bed. -Yeah. 295 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,119 I'm pretty sure they're gonna handle that. 296 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,287 Do they bring in a new mattress? 297 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,538 -Absolutely. -We don't know that. 298 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,373 You know what they'll do? They'll flip the mattress. 299 00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:06,624 That's what they'll do. 300 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,751 That's like 100 years of nastiness. 301 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,712 We gotta get all new sheets. 302 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,463 Who pays for that? Do I pay for that personally? 303 00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:15,258 -Taxpayers. -What about the moving itself? 304 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,093 We got our guys in there ready to do that. 305 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,344 What about the tipping, 306 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:19,512 -when the movers... -The tipping? 307 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,014 What do you tip those guys? 308 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,099 'Cause sometimes you have no change, you gotta give them a dollar. 309 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,642 We're not giving anybody a dollar. 310 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,645 This whole White House thing, it's the people's house. 311 00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,439 -People pay. -So I'm not paying for shit? 312 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,399 You don't pay for jack shit. 313 00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,026 -I like the sound of that. -Yeah. Yeah. 314 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:36,279 Governor, I have the results of the election. 315 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,533 82% of the country voted. 316 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,619 Almost an entire nation. 317 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:45,830 The popular vote winner, 318 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,125 by 250,000 votes, 319 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,544 is Governor Tilden. 320 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,301 But... 321 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:00,887 But... 322 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,306 -But... -Time to light up. 323 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,641 -Let's find something. -I didn't bring mine. 324 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,100 There's more. 325 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:08,937 -Say what now? -What? 326 00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,981 The Electoral College vote. 327 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:16,236 184, Tilden. 328 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,989 185, Hayes. 329 00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:22,408 -Come again? -What? 330 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:23,618 Hayes won. 331 00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,037 -Wait, what? -He's the president. 332 00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,416 Wait, what? Huh? 333 00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:33,419 You lost. 334 00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:35,838 No! No! I won! I won! 335 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,882 I won! I won! I had the most votes! 336 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,260 -What the fuck is an Electoral College? -Yeah! You can't just take a vote! 337 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:43,054 -What kind of bullshit is that? -It's in the Constitution. 338 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,807 No, no, no! It's not fair! It's not fair! I won! I won! 339 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,267 What kind of country is this? 340 00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,519 -It's a democracy. -No, it's not a democracy! 341 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:50,728 I got the most votes! 342 00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,730 Who made this up, this Electoral College? 343 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:56,317 The Founding fucking Fathers? What a bunch of morons! 344 00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,528 Madison, I'd like to punch him in his face. 345 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,781 That prick! The person with the most votes wins! 346 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,199 Oh, Jesus! 347 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,536 -Governor, please calm down. -Which states screwed us? 348 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,080 Louisiana, South Carolina, and Florida. 349 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:11,666 Florida! Oh, those cocksuckers! 350 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,044 -Everything all right? -What the fuck do you want? 351 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,838 -Mr. President! -Get the fuck out of here! 352 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,965 Get out, you lickspittle! 353 00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,800 Why do we even have an Electoral College? 354 00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:23,511 Because the Republicans won't pass a constitutional amendment 355 00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:25,972 because they'll know they'll lose every election, 356 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,432 those cocksuckers! 357 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,142 It's the only competition in the world 358 00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,894 where if you win, you lose! 359 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,480 You lose! You lose! 360 00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:37,108 -You lose! You lose! -Oh, jeez. 361 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,779 -It's not fair. -Makes no sense. 362 00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:45,366 We need to work on your concession speech. 363 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,077 Governor, no! 364 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,873 Wait! Wait! Wait! 365 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,583 Oh, no! Governor, no! Wait! 366 00:13:53,665 --> 00:13:56,002 -Jeez, sir! -Governor! No! 367 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,087 -I'm the president! I'm the president! -Don't kill yourself! 368 00:13:58,212 --> 00:14:00,006 -Governor, it's not worth it! -I won, I won! 369 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,384 -It's not worth it! -I won! I'm the president! 370 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,856 The Great Depression began with the stock market crash 371 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,442 in October, 1929. 372 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:22,487 Stock prices plummeted 50% in ten weeks, 373 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,614 wiping out billions in wealth. 374 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:28,034 People lost their jobs, their life savings, and their homes. 375 00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:32,872 Financial ruin and high unemployment led to widespread despair, 376 00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,375 and suicide was rampant. 377 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:38,544 Lines for soup kitchens stretched for blocks. 378 00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:42,173 People were grateful for any handouts they could get. 379 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:44,509 Well, most people. 380 00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:46,677 Extra, extra. 381 00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:49,305 Hoover says it's the Coolidge Depression. 382 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,890 Read all about it. 383 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,767 Hoover says it's the Coolidge Depression. 384 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:54,185 What's the hold up today? 385 00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:00,525 Look at this. 386 00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,151 There's no end to this line, you know? 387 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,444 -It's crazy. -Unbelievable. 388 00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,196 Yeah. Terrible. 389 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:06,989 Hey, Ralph. How you doing, man? 390 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,950 -Been a long time. -Hey, pal. 391 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:11,285 -Can I get a spare cigarette? -What are you doing? 392 00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:13,329 I'm just having a little talk with my buddy Ralph here. 393 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,498 Give me a break. You hardly even know this guy, I'm sure. 394 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:16,916 We go way back. We played baseball together. 395 00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:19,293 He's not your buddy. You're lying. I know what you're doing. 396 00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:20,962 You're doing a chat-and-cut. You can't do that here. 397 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:22,296 I don't even know what a chat-and-cut is. 398 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,965 It's when you pretend that you know somebody 399 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,925 better than you do so you can sneak on the line. 400 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,093 We grew up together. 401 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,928 Chat-and-cuts are only for immediate family. 402 00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,263 Not even cousins are allowed. 403 00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:31,556 Who appointed you as the chancellor 404 00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,141 -of the chat-and-cut? -My father. 405 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,643 And he died, and now I'm the new chancellor. 406 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,979 Your father was full of shit, and you're full of shit, too. 407 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,022 Twenty years ago, I would have beat the shit out of you. 408 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,275 -Yeah, sure. Good luck with the soup. -Scram to the rear! 409 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,110 I mean, of course, I wouldn't have beat the shit out of him. 410 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,611 I couldn't beat the shit out of anybody, 411 00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,488 -but it's fun to say. I can tell you that. -It is. 412 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:48,573 -Yeah. -It is fun to say. 413 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,950 It would be fun to be able to say and back it up. 414 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,994 -You know? Yeah. -I know. I could picture it, actually. 415 00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,454 -I could picture it, yeah. -Yeah. 416 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,539 By the way, did you hear about Stu Mackey? 417 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,958 Committed suicide. Jumped off a bridge. 418 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,168 -Oh my God. -I know. 419 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,502 I know him very well. 420 00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:04,297 Yeah, he left a suicide note, said goodbye to everybody, 421 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,632 mentioned his wife, family, close friends, 422 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:09,469 Marty, Bob, Mel, Jeff Salcido. 423 00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:12,597 Did he... he mention me? 424 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,599 I don't think so, no. 425 00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:17,059 -He didn't mention me? -No, he did not. 426 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,312 I know him way better than Jeff Salcido. 427 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:21,564 Wonder why he didn't mention me. I just saw him last week. 428 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,984 We were on the breadline together. We exchanged a lot of confidences, okay? 429 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,402 -I opened up to him. -Right. 430 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,530 I confided in him about how I got out of the Great War. 431 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,240 -Really? -By pretending I was crazy. 432 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,951 -You did that? -Yeah. I went in there, and I went... 433 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,914 "This is-- I haven't been out of my house in five years." 434 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,373 -"This is the first time." -Oh my God. 435 00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,792 "I can't fight anybody. I don't..." Yeah. 436 00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:44,212 I didn't know imbecile was like a category. 437 00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:45,421 -So it is. -By the way, 438 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,924 let's keep my army thing between us. 439 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,717 Right. I told them I was a homosexual. 440 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,594 -That's how I got out of it. Yeah. -Smart. 441 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,346 I mean, I'm not, you know? 442 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:54,847 I mean, that goes without saying. 443 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:57,683 -Why did you say it? -Well, I'm just saying... 444 00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,101 Seems to me if it goes without saying, 445 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,020 there was-- there's really no reason to say it. 446 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,647 Sometimes when it goes without saying, 447 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,565 you just have to say that it goes without saying 448 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,483 -just to make sure nobody says it. -Right. 449 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:07,984 I'm saying don't tell anybody that's what I did. 450 00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:09,278 -To get out of the army. -Exactly. 451 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,445 -Sure. -Right? Yeah. 452 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,864 That goes without saying too, right? 453 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,575 -Again. -That's a separate thought. 454 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,452 -You know what I'm saying? -Sure. 455 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,162 Keep it moving. 456 00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,790 I just don't get why I wasn't mentioned in that note. 457 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:24,544 Is it possible I... I offended him in some way? 458 00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,253 What did you say? Did you say something to him? 459 00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:29,882 Well, I... I complimented him on his potato sack. 460 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:32,301 -You did what? -Yeah, he was wearing a potato sack, 461 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,596 and I thought it was very becoming on him compared to other potato sacks. 462 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,431 It was a really good-looking potato sack. 463 00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,350 So I said, "Hey, that's a nice potato sack." 464 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:40,810 You told him it was nice? 465 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,563 A lot of people can't pull it off. He actually could. He looked good in it. 466 00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:46,732 Nobody tries to pull off a potato sack. He was clearly embarrassed. 467 00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:49,026 I asked him actually where he got the potato sack 468 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,403 in case I might need to get one. 469 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,488 It was a compliment. Look at that potato sack. 470 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:53,656 Would you wear that? No. 471 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,449 -Look at that potato sack. It's terrible. -No... 472 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,076 He looks awful in it. You know, it's all relative. 473 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,870 There are terrible potato sacks. There have to be good potato sacks. 474 00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:01,497 -No. -He had a particularly good potato sack. 475 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,249 So, you're saying attractive potato sack? 476 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,960 In comparison to these others, that's all I'm saying. 477 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,461 You know what? Regardless, 478 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:11,549 it's no reason not to mention someone in a suicide note. 479 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,050 It's just not fair. 480 00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,844 Next. Here you go. 481 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:17,972 Thank you. 482 00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:22,518 -Thank you. -First of all, 483 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,437 -thank you for the soup. -You're welcome. 484 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,813 May I make a suggestion? 485 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,941 -Okay. -It's a little bland. 486 00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:30,818 -Soup's fine. -Could use a little salt. 487 00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,570 -Yeah, there's no salt. -No salt? 488 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:33,696 We don't salt the soup. 489 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,906 It's a little unusual. Usually there's soup, there's salt. 490 00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,408 Hey, buddy, beggars can't be choosers. 491 00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,118 You know what? I'm a choosy beggar. 492 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,202 You want to give the soup back? 493 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,954 We got plenty of other people here who'll eat the soup. 494 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:44,540 -I'll eat the soup. -Okay. 495 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:45,625 Keep it moving. 496 00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:49,545 One soup, one bread. 497 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,798 Hey, you got bread? I didn't get any bread. 498 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,801 Bread, bread, bread, bread. Everybody's got bread. 499 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,970 You know anybody with worse luck than me? 500 00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,138 Stu Mackey. 501 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,893 -I'm getting bread. -Next! 502 00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:07,938 -I didn't get any bread. -Hey! 503 00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,149 Hey, what are you doing? 504 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,151 No, no, no. I'm just getting a piece of bread. 505 00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,153 You gotta get in line to get the bread. 506 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:16,280 -But I was already in line. -You already got bread. 507 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:17,365 I didn't get bread. 508 00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:19,742 You sandbagging son of a bitch! You're cutting the line. 509 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,036 -I'm not cutting. -Yep. Chat-and-cutter. Get to the back. 510 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,746 You don't go to the back of the line for bread. 511 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,082 -Get back. Back of the line. -Get to the back. 512 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,417 Shut up! Shut up. 513 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,753 It's annoying! Just go back of the line. 514 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:31,837 Go to hell! 515 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:34,840 Drop dead, the whole bunch of you, you filthy bums. 516 00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:36,926 Twenty years ago, I'd beat the shit out of all of you. 517 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,345 -Yeah, sit down. -Yeah, 20 years ago. 518 00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:40,429 Not now. 519 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,431 Not now, but 20 years ago, I could have. 520 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,684 -Either take a seat or get out of here. -Yeah, 20 years ago. 521 00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:48,104 -You didn't get any bread? -No. 522 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,190 Hey. Is that Stu Mackey's widow on the line? 523 00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,401 Yeah, Gloria. Really sad. 524 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,487 I'm gonna ask her about that note. 525 00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:57,863 That doesn't sound like a good idea. 526 00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:59,740 -I'll be right back. -Next! 527 00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:01,242 Gloria. 528 00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:03,369 -Hi. -Hi. 529 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,538 Heard about Stu. 530 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,164 -So sorry. -Thank you. 531 00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:10,000 Did you have any idea this was going to happen? 532 00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:11,293 I had no idea. 533 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:14,255 Did he ever tell you that he was depressed or anything? 534 00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:16,006 No, he seemed so happy. 535 00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:19,218 He'd just purchased a brand-new potato sack. 536 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:21,637 You know, I complimented him on that potato sack. 537 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,139 I thought he looked great in it. 538 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,267 I mean, you look at some of these other potato sacks, forget it. 539 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,102 His was way better. 540 00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:29,603 Reminds me so much of him. 541 00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,230 -The potato sacks? Yeah. -Yeah. 542 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,274 Do you think about him every time you eat a potato? 543 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:34,692 You know what? 544 00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:37,695 I was a little jealous. In case I needed a potato sack, 545 00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,655 I'd like to get one like that. 546 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,532 Do you still have the potato sack? 547 00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:44,076 He jumped in the potato sack. 548 00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,328 We don't have it anymore. 549 00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:49,081 Why would you jump in your best potato sack? 550 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,125 -Guess we'll never know. -Stu. 551 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:52,793 You know, we were close. 552 00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,212 -Did he ever talk about me? -No. 553 00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,757 -Not a word? -He told me you guys talked a little. 554 00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,509 Like, he informed me how you got out of fighting in the war 555 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,344 by pretending to be an imbecile. 556 00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,722 That was personal. He shouldn't have told you that. 557 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:07,391 Well, we shared things, Larry. We were married. 558 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,642 Well, you didn't share that much. 559 00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,770 He didn't tell you why he killed himself. 560 00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:14,190 I'm just saying, you said you share a lot-- everything, 561 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,816 you were married, but he didn't share that. 562 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,526 You know, I'm really just trying to remember 563 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:18,903 the good times right now. 564 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:22,740 Would you say he had a negative opinion of me pretending to be an imbecile? 565 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:23,824 Why would you ask that? 566 00:21:23,908 --> 00:21:27,995 Because he wrote this lengthy, from what I understand, suicide note. 567 00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:29,163 The note. 568 00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:31,290 But he did mention a lot of people I know 569 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:32,458 -in the note. -Many people. 570 00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:33,542 But not me. 571 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,211 No. Never mentioned you. 572 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,588 And I'm just wondering, why leave a guy like me 573 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:39,882 -out of a note like that? -Why do you care? 574 00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:41,675 'Cause it's not fair. 575 00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:44,261 So my husband jumps off a bridge and commits suicide, 576 00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:46,889 but him leaving you out of this note is what's unfair? 577 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,809 You can see how my feelings would be hurt by that. 578 00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:51,268 I'm so sorry for you. 579 00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:52,937 Thank you. 580 00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:55,481 Anyway, water under the bridge. 581 00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:58,651 -Oh, God. -Yeah, okay. 582 00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:01,654 Forget water, and-- Forget water and bridges. 583 00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:04,490 Just let's put it behind us. 584 00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:07,159 -It's really hard to think about. -I guess it is. I guess it is. 585 00:22:07,243 --> 00:22:09,328 -Very, very sad. -I'm really... I'm really... 586 00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:11,205 really sorry. Really sorry. 587 00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:13,165 -Thank you. -And you're doing okay? 588 00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:14,667 -Are you doing ok-- -No, I'm doing terrible. 589 00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:16,418 I've never been so sad in my whole life. 590 00:22:16,502 --> 00:22:19,630 -I can barely keep it together. -Let me propose this, okay? 591 00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:23,384 There's a soup kitchen downtown. Way better than this one. 592 00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:25,970 The lines are very short. They got great coffee. 593 00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:27,513 Let's go there and get some coffee. 594 00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:29,348 -What? -Come on. We'll sit down. 595 00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:30,933 Have a couple of laughs. 596 00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:32,309 -Me and you? -Yeah. 597 00:22:32,393 --> 00:22:35,062 Larry, I'm... I'm mourning. 598 00:22:35,145 --> 00:22:37,314 Yes, yes, of course, mourn. Mourn away. 599 00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:39,900 Far be it for me to take away from a good mourn. 600 00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,944 But, you know, mourners have to eat and drink. 601 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:43,737 Mourners do everything a regular person does, 602 00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,948 but they do it in a slower, somber way. 603 00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:47,616 Mourners are like regular people, 604 00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,660 except they don't really have a spring to their step. 605 00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:52,496 Like, I've walked with mourners before, and it's really difficult. 606 00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:53,622 Like, after ten minutes, 607 00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,666 I turned around, the mourner was 50 yards behind me. 608 00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:59,503 I said, "Come on, mourner, catch up. Come on, move it, mourner." 609 00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:02,882 Hey, if I had to give one piece of advice to a non-mourner, it would be, 610 00:23:02,965 --> 00:23:05,634 "Never go on a hike with a mourner because you will live to regret it." 611 00:23:05,718 --> 00:23:07,011 Okay, Larry, here's the thing. 612 00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:08,637 -Let me make this very clear here, okay? -Sure. 613 00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:10,723 -If I wasn't a mourner... -Okay, you're not a mourner. 614 00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:13,601 ...if I wasn't in mourning, if I was a single person 615 00:23:13,684 --> 00:23:15,603 and you were the last man on this planet, 616 00:23:16,353 --> 00:23:20,024 I wouldn't go on any hikes with you or drink any coffees... 617 00:23:20,107 --> 00:23:21,901 -Yeah. -...or liquids together. 618 00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:24,486 Okay, I get that. That's a 50-50 thing. 619 00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:27,156 You got a coin flip, you get the coffee, 620 00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:28,824 -you don't get the-- -Shut up, Larry. 621 00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:30,409 Get to the back of the fucking line. 622 00:23:31,452 --> 00:23:32,453 Okay. 623 00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:34,872 Oh, hey. 624 00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:37,541 You know what? Could you get an extra piece of bread? 625 00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:39,460 -'Cause I didn't get any bread-- -Back of the line. 626 00:23:39,543 --> 00:23:41,503 -No chat-and-cuts. -I was on the back of the line. 627 00:23:41,587 --> 00:23:43,297 -I did the back of the line. -Back of the line. 628 00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:45,549 -I was on the back of the line. -Look at him! 629 00:23:45,633 --> 00:23:48,010 -Repeat offender. -This fucking guy. 630 00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:51,013 -I did the back of the line. -Habitual chat-and-cutter. 631 00:23:51,555 --> 00:23:53,098 Back of the line! 632 00:23:53,182 --> 00:23:54,516 Back of the fucking line. 633 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,310 They didn't give me any bread! 634 00:24:07,738 --> 00:24:11,075 George Washington was nearing the end of his second term. 635 00:24:11,158 --> 00:24:14,244 And though the Constitution allowed for unlimited re-election, 636 00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:16,747 Washington thought that it was best for the country 637 00:24:16,830 --> 00:24:20,125 that he step aside, proving to his fellow citizens 638 00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:22,461 that his commitment was to democracy 639 00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:24,129 instead of power. 640 00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:27,925 Washington also warned against the rise of political factions. 641 00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:31,345 He feared that if people voted in line with party loyalty 642 00:24:31,428 --> 00:24:34,556 instead of the common interest of the nation, 643 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,850 it could promote a spirit of revenge, 644 00:24:36,934 --> 00:24:41,772 leading to the rise of cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men 645 00:24:41,855 --> 00:24:44,400 who would take the reins of government, 646 00:24:44,483 --> 00:24:47,194 but that could never happen. 647 00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:49,613 My fellow citizens, 648 00:24:50,364 --> 00:24:54,660 I stand before you today as your president to announce 649 00:24:55,202 --> 00:24:58,956 that I shall not be seeking a third term. 650 00:25:01,291 --> 00:25:02,793 Your country needs you! 651 00:25:02,876 --> 00:25:04,670 No, in order to ensure 652 00:25:05,295 --> 00:25:09,383 the success of our fledgling democracy, 653 00:25:09,883 --> 00:25:12,720 I believe that no man 654 00:25:12,803 --> 00:25:16,015 should serve more than two terms as president. 655 00:25:17,057 --> 00:25:22,021 And I hope that future presidents will follow my lead. 656 00:25:22,104 --> 00:25:26,025 What if some future president doesn't follow your lead 657 00:25:26,108 --> 00:25:28,527 and runs for a third term? 658 00:25:29,695 --> 00:25:31,196 There are remedies for that. 659 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:36,035 The Congress can pass a constitutional amendment 660 00:25:36,118 --> 00:25:37,870 that would prohibit that. 661 00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:40,998 Well, what if there's some asshole in office, 662 00:25:41,081 --> 00:25:43,083 some narcissistic prick, 663 00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:45,377 who doesn't follow the Constitution? 664 00:25:45,461 --> 00:25:46,628 Yeah! 665 00:25:46,712 --> 00:25:47,880 -Yeah. -Then what? 666 00:25:47,963 --> 00:25:49,757 I understand your fervor, sir, 667 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,968 but perhaps you could temper your language. 668 00:25:53,052 --> 00:25:54,720 My apologies, Mr. President. 669 00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:57,431 You know, I... This really gets up my dander, this stuff. 670 00:25:57,514 --> 00:25:58,557 -You know? -I understand. 671 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:02,728 But rest assured, even if this future president 672 00:26:02,811 --> 00:26:05,147 violated the Constitution, 673 00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:07,858 then the Congress of the United States 674 00:26:07,941 --> 00:26:11,779 and the United States Supreme Court would not allow it. 675 00:26:13,530 --> 00:26:17,493 But what if the Supreme Court is a bunch of yes-men, 676 00:26:17,993 --> 00:26:20,996 and Congress is a bunch of pussies 677 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:24,500 who care more about party than country? 678 00:26:27,836 --> 00:26:31,965 I can't even fathom the existence of such men. 679 00:26:32,049 --> 00:26:34,760 But to further ensure the success 680 00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:36,678 of this grand experiment, 681 00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:41,016 I would suggest that after every presidential election, 682 00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:45,729 -there be a peaceful transfer of power... -Yes, yes, yes, yes. 683 00:26:45,813 --> 00:26:49,483 ...where the loser accepts the results of the election 684 00:26:49,566 --> 00:26:53,445 and full-throatedly endorses the victor. 685 00:26:53,529 --> 00:26:54,822 As it should be! 686 00:26:54,905 --> 00:26:58,367 Anyone who wouldn't accept the results of a free and fair election 687 00:26:58,450 --> 00:26:59,493 is a sociopath. 688 00:26:59,576 --> 00:27:01,120 A madman. 689 00:27:01,203 --> 00:27:04,164 A man like that could even foment an insurrection 690 00:27:04,248 --> 00:27:07,084 rather than just admit that he lost. 691 00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:09,336 -What a cock-sucker! -A scoundrel! 692 00:27:09,419 --> 00:27:13,382 He could use the presidency to enrich himself and his family. 693 00:27:14,007 --> 00:27:15,134 No, no. 694 00:27:15,217 --> 00:27:17,761 He could send troops into American cities 695 00:27:17,845 --> 00:27:20,681 to terrorize and even kill American citizens, 696 00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:25,352 all to distract from the fact that he's friends with a pedophile! 697 00:27:27,271 --> 00:27:29,982 He could attack universities, even the free press, 698 00:27:30,065 --> 00:27:34,236 silencing anyone who dares to criticize him. 699 00:27:34,945 --> 00:27:37,406 Come on. That could never happen. 700 00:27:37,489 --> 00:27:39,783 -That's what you think. -Are you suggesting 701 00:27:39,867 --> 00:27:42,786 that the president would taketh the time 702 00:27:42,870 --> 00:27:46,039 to challenge anyone who dare make fun of him, 703 00:27:46,123 --> 00:27:47,916 as if he were a big baby? 704 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,126 A big baby. 705 00:27:50,210 --> 00:27:51,211 I don't see it. 706 00:27:51,295 --> 00:27:53,380 -Could that even happen in this country? -What duly-elected president 707 00:27:53,463 --> 00:27:54,464 would do such a thing? 708 00:27:54,548 --> 00:27:57,467 An insecure, lying asshole! 709 00:27:57,551 --> 00:27:59,219 Who would even cheat at golf! 710 00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:01,096 He would cheat at golf! 711 00:28:02,014 --> 00:28:03,682 -That's sick! -That's vile. 712 00:28:03,765 --> 00:28:04,766 What is golf? 713 00:28:04,850 --> 00:28:07,394 It's a game they invented in Scotland. It's a lot of fun. 714 00:28:07,477 --> 00:28:11,315 What kind of man would cheat at this golf? 715 00:28:12,482 --> 00:28:14,276 -An asshole. -A sick man! 716 00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:18,488 And did I mention that he's best friends with a pedophile? 717 00:28:18,572 --> 00:28:20,949 Please, citizens, be calm. 718 00:28:21,033 --> 00:28:23,535 He is only talking hypothetically. 719 00:28:23,619 --> 00:28:28,790 In reality, a man of such poor character 720 00:28:28,874 --> 00:28:32,252 would never be elected president in the first place. 721 00:28:32,794 --> 00:28:34,963 I'm just spitballing here, Mr. President, 722 00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:38,717 but what if he was a deeply corrupt con man, 723 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:42,179 a pathological liar who preys on people's prejudices? 724 00:28:42,262 --> 00:28:44,014 -Yeah! -Are you positing 725 00:28:44,097 --> 00:28:48,018 that our electorate is a collection of dupes 726 00:28:48,101 --> 00:28:50,479 that would be swayed by such a scoundrel? 727 00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:54,566 Yes, Mr. President! That's exactly what I'm positing! 728 00:28:55,192 --> 00:28:57,736 If they voted for him, they must like him! 729 00:28:57,819 --> 00:28:59,238 That's the will of the people! 730 00:28:59,321 --> 00:29:01,990 -That's stupidity! -That's democracy! 731 00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:05,869 Voting for an asshole like that is the end of our democracy! 732 00:29:05,953 --> 00:29:07,454 You're an asshole! 733 00:29:07,537 --> 00:29:09,581 -You're an asshole! -You're an asshole! You and you! 734 00:29:09,665 --> 00:29:11,333 No, you are! You are! You are! 735 00:29:11,416 --> 00:29:12,626 Shut up, bitch! 736 00:29:17,881 --> 00:29:19,424 Citizens, please! 737 00:29:24,012 --> 00:29:26,348 Stop! This is madness! 738 00:29:27,432 --> 00:29:28,892 Citizens! 739 00:29:30,394 --> 00:29:32,312 -You're a cock! -Yeah! 740 00:29:33,897 --> 00:29:35,732 People! Citizens! 741 00:29:35,816 --> 00:29:38,986 -Stop! I implore you, I beseech you! -Civil war. 742 00:29:39,069 --> 00:29:41,571 This is madness! Citizens! 743 00:29:43,949 --> 00:29:45,200 We're fucked.