1 00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,905 The year is 1773, 2 00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:33,325 and the original 13 colonies are in a state of unrest. 3 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,203 Patrick Henry makes an impassioned speech in Virginia. 4 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,706 "No taxation without representation." 5 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:42,584 And in an act of protest against the British monarchy, 6 00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:45,462 a group of colonists disguised as Native Americans 7 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:49,716 dumped 342 chests of tea into Boston Harbor. 8 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,971 And ever since, it's been called "The Boston Tea Party." 9 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:03,355 I gotta tell you, these Puritans are really getting on my nerves. 10 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:04,480 Yeah. 11 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,358 The other day, I'm holding hands with my wife, 12 00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:09,653 this guy yells out, "Hey, nobody wants to see that." 13 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,614 -He's kind of right. -Yeah, you know what? I think he is. 14 00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,408 -Mayflower people, right? -What's going on here? 15 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,118 Yeah, take that! Yeah! 16 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,663 They're protesting the Tea Act. 17 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,873 Throwing the tea in the water, it's like a tea party. 18 00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:25,252 A tea party? Ha! No kidding. 19 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,254 -Mm-hmm. Yeah. -That sounds like fun. 20 00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:30,674 -Let's do this! -Is that Michael Finney? 21 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,093 -Indeed it is. -What a party! 22 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:34,970 Kind of odd. I was with him the other day. 23 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,681 He didn't mention anything about a... tea party. 24 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,017 Everyone was talking about it the other night at Zachariah's. 25 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,310 You were at Zachariah's? 26 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,187 -Y... Yeah. -Why wasn't I invited? 27 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,940 I didn't know about Zachariah's. I'm missing a tea party? 28 00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:48,650 I... I don't know what to tell you. 29 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,860 -You knew about this? -Kind of, yeah. 30 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:51,945 "Kind of"? 31 00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:55,032 Do me a favor, hold this. Hey! 32 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,158 -Let's go, boys! -Finney! 33 00:01:58,201 --> 00:01:59,202 Hey, Finney! 34 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,623 What's going on here? 35 00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:04,249 Hey, Larry! 36 00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:05,834 -Nothing going on here. -Nothing? 37 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,753 How's Boston's favorite barrel maker? 38 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,172 -What are you doing? -Before you say anything, Larry, 39 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:13,216 it's an impromptu, principled, symbolic protest. 40 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,594 -You having a tea party? -It's not a party, Larry. 41 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:18,764 I gotta tell you, Finney, it looks like a party to me. 42 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,849 Look, the taxes are way too high on the tea. 43 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,601 We decided to send a message to the British. 44 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,353 This came together at the very last minute, Larry. 45 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,772 Well, you discussed it at Zachariah's last night. 46 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,065 I don't know how you heard that, 47 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,651 but it did start as a germ of an idea at Zachariah's. 48 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:31,985 I saw you a couple of days ago. 49 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,613 You didn't mention anything to me about a party, 50 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:35,864 or Zachariah's, or anything. 51 00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:37,699 Am I supposed to tell you everywhere I go? 52 00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:40,327 I was at the cobbler's this morning. You wanna come with me to the cobbler's? 53 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,496 There's a little bit of some subterfuge going on here. 54 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,623 Finney, let's do it. Are we having a party or not? 55 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:47,125 -Well, it's not a party. -I see Samuel Cooper's here. 56 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:50,003 Oh, hey, La-- I... I heard you were out of town, so... 57 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:52,339 -Is that Joseph Warren? -Hey, Larry. 58 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,841 I sold you a barrel yesterday. You didn't mention anything. 59 00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,218 It... It didn't come up. 60 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:57,636 You invite those guys and not me? 61 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,346 I will invite you to the next one, I swear. 62 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:02,015 You know there's not gonna be a next one as well as I do, so stop it. 63 00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:03,600 I didn't know you were down for the cause. 64 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,227 -Why are you saying that? -No offense, Larry. 65 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,770 You walk around wearing a red coat 66 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,439 that is the exact same shade as the British soldiers. 67 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,567 Please. That was a gift from my wife. It's a beautiful coat. It's velvet. 68 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:13,944 Have you ever felt that material? 69 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,655 It's not a great look when we're fighting the redcoats. 70 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,949 I'm not a redcoat. It's a red coat. 71 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,659 Are we never supposed to wear red again? 72 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,370 Is that it? Is red over? Is red out of the question now? 73 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,996 I think matching with our oppressors 74 00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:26,790 -is maybe not-- -So, we've canceled red? 75 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:30,252 Maybe a red coat in a certain cut is not the move right now. 76 00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:32,504 Finney, honestly, I would've been a great addition to this. 77 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,172 I didn't even know you liked tea. 78 00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:36,508 I don't like tea, I'm a coffee drinker. 79 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:39,094 All the more reason to have me in this party. 80 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,388 You have a bunch of tea lovers tossing tea. 81 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,765 They're not even into it. I would be into tossing tea, 82 00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,058 'cause that's how much I dislike it. 83 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:48,395 The next time we have a tea-tossing party, I know you're a champion tea tosser. 84 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,646 And you're in costumes, too. 85 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,690 That's the most disappointing aspect of this. 86 00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,358 -You know that? -The costumes? 87 00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,944 Yeah. 'Cause, oh, my God, all the more reason to have invited me. 88 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,154 Why more reason? 89 00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,365 Because I love putting on costumes and being in disguise. 90 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:02,743 You can act like a prick and nobody knows it's you. 91 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,036 Yes, I've been to parties with you. I've seen you act like a prick. 92 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,371 -In a costume? -Yes. 93 00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,581 -Yeah. -Yep. 94 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,207 I just really don't get why I wasn't invited. 95 00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:10,917 And don't tell me it's 'cause of the red jacket. 96 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:13,503 I didn't invite you to the tea party, Larry, 97 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,547 'cause you're a drag at every fucking party. 98 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:16,798 You can't be serious. 99 00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:19,259 I always see you in the corner buttonholing someone 100 00:04:19,341 --> 00:04:20,761 -about some dumb shit. -Buttonholing? 101 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:23,346 -I'm the life of the party. -At Sam Adams's the other day, 102 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,724 I saw you just going on and on about shoes. 103 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:28,435 We have one set of shoes. One shoe fits on every foot. 104 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:31,646 You were saying, "I think we should have left shoes and right shoes." 105 00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:34,065 -What are you talking about? -What am I talking about? 106 00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,651 -Have you ever looked at a foot? -The other thing at parties is, 107 00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:39,154 you're always going on and on about Indian women. 108 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,198 Oh, am I attracted to Iroquois women? 109 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,366 Yes, I am. So what? Is that a crime? 110 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,118 Have I ever made out with an Iroquois? 111 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,411 Yes, I have. And you know what? 112 00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:48,121 I found it to be a totally wonderful experience. 113 00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:49,956 -Congratulations, Larry. -You know? And by the way, 114 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,707 if you've ever made out with an Iroquois woman-- 115 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,126 I've made out with Iroquois women, Larry. 116 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:55,212 -That's not the issue. -You made out with an Iroquois woman? 117 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,546 -Yeah, of course. -That's bullshit. 118 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,923 -Yeah, I've got a girlfriend. -You have? 119 00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,591 -I've got an Iroquois girlfriend. -Yeah, where? 120 00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,384 -In Canada. You wouldn't know her. -What bullshit! 121 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,969 You don't have an Iroquois woman in Canada. 122 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,764 Yeah, well, I don't stand around at trading posts staring at them. 123 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:07,599 You just stare and you linger. 124 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:10,018 Do your business. Sell your barrels. Get the fuck out. 125 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,520 Is that why you wanna be on this ship? 126 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,063 -No. -Don't let the headdresses fool you... 127 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,815 -No, I know. -...there are no women on this boat. 128 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:16,566 -I didn't suggest that there was. -And that's why 129 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,193 you're not invited to the fucking party, Larry. 130 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,778 Okay, come on. Let me come up the gangplank. 131 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:21,363 No, no. You can't be on the gangplank, Larry. 132 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,406 -The gangplank's for the gang. -Why can't I be in the gang? 133 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,992 Hey, Larry, if you're not in the gang, you really shouldn't be on the plank. 134 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:29,329 I gave you a free barrel last year, you cocksucker! 135 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,914 Guys, tea party's over. 136 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,999 -What? -Yeah, Larry kind of fucked it. 137 00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:34,501 But there's so much tea left to throw. 138 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,752 -Larry killed it. -Come on. 139 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,087 -Killed the vibe. -Great job, Larry. 140 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,630 -I did not. -Thanks a lot, Larry. 141 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:42,133 Look at you idiots, dressed as Indians with your stupid feathers. 142 00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:43,718 You look like morons. 143 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,720 Like I really buy you as Indians. 144 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,639 So disappointed in all of you. 145 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:50,058 -I'll meet you at the tavern later, okay? -Goodbye, Thompson. 146 00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:51,560 Drop dead, Slaughter. 147 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:54,312 -The barrel had a leak. -That's bullshit. 148 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,356 Oh, yeah, you're an Indian, Gilliam. 149 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:57,440 Thanks a lot, Larry. 150 00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:00,026 I'll be at the cobbler's tomorrow. Do you wanna be invited to the cobbler's? 151 00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,820 -Do I need to tell you in advance? -What morons! 152 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:04,531 I'm going up, and I'm gonna throw some. 153 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:05,866 Knock yourself out, Larry. 154 00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:09,327 -Okay, I'm gonna go toss right now. -Yeah, you're a real fucking champ at it. 155 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,246 You'll see what real tossing looks like. 156 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:12,831 I didn't even wanna be in your stupid gang. 157 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:15,208 Guess what? I'm gonna form my own gang! 158 00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:16,835 We're not gonna dress up as Indians. 159 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,670 You're gonna be so jealous. But you know what? 160 00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:20,171 This is what it's gonna look like. 161 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:22,549 Look at me! 162 00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:26,511 Hey! You there! 163 00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,597 -No. No, it's not my tea. -What are you doing? 164 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,016 You're right, it's not your tea. It's His Majesty's tea. 165 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,601 No, no, no! It's Finney's tea. 166 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,395 -He had a tea party up here. -Sir, I don't know this man. 167 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,689 I just know he's been screaming about gang activity, 168 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,024 and how much he hates tea. 169 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,109 No, no! You got the wrong guy. He's lying! 170 00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,361 It's Michael Finney's party! He didn't even invite me. 171 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,071 -He's the one you should be arresting. -Come on. 172 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,073 Finney! You... You know what? I have a red coat. 173 00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:48,617 A red coat just like you! 174 00:06:56,791 --> 00:07:00,086 For as long as slavery existed in the United States, 175 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,422 there were slaves trying to escape to freedom. 176 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:05,300 Many of them used the Underground Railroad. 177 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:09,095 This railroad was a network of people, routes, and places 178 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:12,849 offering shelter and aid to escaped enslaved people from the South. 179 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,852 The journey north to freedom was dangerous, harrowing, 180 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,854 and often life-threatening. 181 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:22,484 But what no one considers are the hardships endured by the host. 182 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:25,737 It's hard enough to live with your own family, 183 00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:27,864 much less a stranger. 184 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,621 Come in, please. 185 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,957 I made it. Yeah, nobody followed me. 186 00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:40,126 -Welcome to my home. -Hey. 187 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:43,129 I hope you'll feel safe and secure here. 188 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,131 -Hey, I'm Jonesey. -I'm Lawrence. 189 00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:46,591 -I'm almost free. -Yeah. 190 00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:49,302 I'm on the run, but hey, it feels good to be heading North. 191 00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,845 Tomorrow, you should be able 192 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,514 -to cross the border. -Looking forward to it. 193 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,432 -How was your journey? -Very rough. I've been running. 194 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,308 -Dogs behind me, got horses behind me. -Oh, God. 195 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,269 I was underwater in the swamp for 15 minutes. 196 00:07:58,353 --> 00:07:59,938 -Fifteen minutes? -Breathing through a straw. 197 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,564 I could hear the muffled sounds of the dogs. 198 00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:03,233 You poor guy. 199 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,193 And I couldn't say "shut the fuck up" underwater. 200 00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:07,988 I had to, like, tell myself, "Don't say, 'Shut the fuck up,'" 201 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:10,073 when it's obvious it's a "shut the fuck up" moment. 202 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,367 Yeah, I got chased once by a... 203 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,868 -a billy goat. -Oh, wow. 204 00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,370 He had it in for me for some reason. 205 00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:16,496 -Yeah. -I don't know why. 206 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:17,706 I had to jump over a fence. 207 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,832 That's not the same as fucking running for your fucking life, 208 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,292 in-- underwater trying to fucking breathe 209 00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:22,919 -with dogs all fucking barking and shit. -Yeah. 210 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,005 You're trying to sit there and decide whether you wanna say, 211 00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,298 -"Shut the fuck up, dog" or not. -Yeah. I was just trying to relate 212 00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:28,466 to your experience in some way. 213 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,468 Obviously, it's not as bad, but it wasn't pleasant, 214 00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:31,594 I can tell you that. 215 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,054 Yeah, but that's a domesticated animal. 216 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,765 Would he have carried you back and put you back in chains and shit? 217 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,768 Would he say, "Get back to work," and threw your ass in the field? 218 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,062 -All right, I take your point. -You should give me a fucking point. 219 00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:42,856 -Yeah, I take your point. -No, I took the point. 220 00:08:42,938 --> 00:08:44,858 No, you didn't take the point, I took the point. 221 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:46,776 No, I took the point and I put that shit away. 222 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:47,944 I said I took the point first. 223 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,196 You didn't take my point. You ain't gonna take shit from me. 224 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,364 -I'm in possession... -Okay. 225 00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,199 -...of that fucking point. -Okay. You took the point. 226 00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,076 -Forget the point. -Okay. You know... 227 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,787 I'm just excited to get up North 228 00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,748 and start tapping some of that Northern ass right there. 229 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,082 You know, I've lived in the North. 230 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,959 I gotta tell you, there wasn't much tapping going on. 231 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,210 At least for me there wasn't. 232 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,628 -Of course for you there wasn't. -Yeah. 233 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:06,921 Some people are built for this shit. 234 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,506 Okay, let's check this place out. 235 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:10,633 All right, well... 236 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,469 -Let's see this safe house. -Yeah. Yeah. 237 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,429 -See what's going on here. Okay. -Yeah. 238 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,014 -This is the living room. -Okay. 239 00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,474 -It's comfortable. -Yeah. 240 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,225 -I'mma be honest. -Sure. 241 00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,770 Let me tell you, I feel very mildewy in here. 242 00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,480 -What? -Mildewy smell. 243 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,815 -You gotta disclose that kind of shit. -Oh, really? 244 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,776 There's an existing wetness in this place. 245 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,486 -You feel there's a wetness? -Mildew wetness. 246 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,237 Jonesey, a lot of people have been in this house, 247 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:32,655 nobody ever complained about wetness. 248 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,491 You know what? White people are naturally wet. 249 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,494 White people are inherently wet? Is that what you're telling me? 250 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,872 Of course, white people are wet. You're very naturally damp people. 251 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:43,458 Jonesey, with all due respect, 252 00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:46,169 you were underwater for 15 minutes, breathing through a straw. 253 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,172 It's not the house, Jonesey. It's you. You're damp! 254 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,299 That was three days ago. I'm dry. 255 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:52,926 I'm dry, and I don't smell mildewy. 256 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:56,179 You may be dry now, but that wetness has stayed with you. 257 00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,764 I get it. You won't accept your wetness. 258 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,307 No, you're not accepting your wetness. 259 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:02,143 -I have no wetness to accept. -Okay, that's your opinion. 260 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,687 I was damp before. But I came back in, I got re-damped. 261 00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,190 Like, I got damp again when I came in here. I could sense it. 262 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,608 I don't know, it's... it's... it's-- 263 00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:11,069 I feel spirits in here too. Did someone die on that couch? 264 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,696 -No. -I sense death on that couch. 265 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,825 Well, somebody was very sick on the couch, and then she died upstairs. 266 00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,618 Did they get mildewed in their... 267 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,578 in their process of going to the afterlife? 268 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,497 No, they didn't get mildewed. 269 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:25,625 I'm gonna give you some advice. When someone dies on a couch, 270 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,043 you turn over that fucking cushion. 271 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,128 Got it. Point taken. 272 00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:29,504 You gave me a point in there already, 273 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,422 so you gonna take the point back that I already got? 274 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:33,466 -No, I'm just saying, you made-- -I got a point in there. 275 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,426 -Now you just said "point taken" again. -I'm just saying, 276 00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,345 you made a good point, and I'm taking the point. Yeah. 277 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,264 -You're not gonna rob me. Okay. -You know what, Jonesey? 278 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:40,807 -Let's start fresh. -Let's just start fresh 279 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:43,017 -and say we're both a little mildewy. -Let's start fresh. Yeah. 280 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,185 We're-- Okay? 281 00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:45,353 Well, let's just say that 282 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,897 given that you were in a swamp for 15 minutes-- 283 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,691 And being that somebody died on that couch. 284 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:52,110 The person didn't die on the couch. They died upstairs. 285 00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,112 They were close to death, and then they went upstairs, 286 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,823 and the job was finished, and they fucking died upstairs. 287 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,074 But they were already pre-dead. 288 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,285 I'll tell you what, if you're not comfortable, 289 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,995 and you're not cozy, 290 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:05,874 and you feel there's bad spirits around, go! 291 00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,417 I'll tell you what, I've been through worse. 292 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,253 The last place I stayed at had this high-back chair, 293 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,881 and it had a little chair in front of it, so you could sit in it 294 00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:14,799 and you put your feet on it, and you sit like this. 295 00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,885 Yeah, yeah, that's an ottoman you're talking about. 296 00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:18,761 Fucking "ottoman." I got a friend named Ottoman. 297 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:21,222 I had no idea the relationship between the slave owner 298 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,558 giving him the name Ottoman and the fucking ottoman. 299 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:26,269 This motherfucker had a fixation with home furnishings. 300 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:27,896 He would name the slaves after furniture. 301 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,607 Yeah. The blacksmith, he named him Armoire. 302 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,733 Big motherfucker named Armoire. 303 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,234 -Armoire? -Big motherfucker. 304 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,777 I kept saying to myself, man, I said, 305 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,113 "This Ethan Allen is one crazy white man." 306 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,365 I wonder what that fixation with furniture was. 307 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,409 Okay, how about breakfast? How about that? 308 00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:42,493 -Huh? -Breakfast! 309 00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:43,870 -Breakfast? -Where does that happen at? 310 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:46,289 -How about it? -Yeah, what's the deal with that? 311 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,665 Yeah, there's breakfast. I got breakfast. 312 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,628 Oh, is this the lady who died? Is this her? 313 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,130 -Yep, that's her. -Oh, wow. Rest in peace. 314 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,591 -Was you hitting that? -Nah, she wanted nothing to do with me. 315 00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:59,427 And I'm still a sap enough to take care of her. 316 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,554 Sometimes you gotta be appreciative of you taking care of her, 317 00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:04,140 and maybe let you suck on a titty or something like that once in a while. 318 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,600 It's a gift. "Thank you so much 319 00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:07,518 -for taking care of me." -Yes. "Thank you so much." 320 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,896 -That's all you have to do. -And give you one of those. That's right. 321 00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,022 Wait, you got pancakes? 322 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,942 -No, just farina. -I bet it's wet. 323 00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:15,902 Wet-ass bowl of mush. 324 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,570 -Yeah, pretty much. -It's crazy. 325 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,280 I'm a connoisseur of these places, 326 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:23,201 and I've heard some not-so-good feedback on this place. 327 00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:26,829 I'mma be honest, people come here, they smell death, they feel wet. 328 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:29,165 I'm telling you, you got some bad reviews out there. 329 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,334 These bad ratings? So unfair! 330 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:32,961 You know, I carried that woman up the stairs. 331 00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,587 I hurt my back, couldn't chop wood. 332 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:37,382 There was no hot water. And so I got some bad reviews. 333 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:40,927 This is just my opinion. I'll give this place no more than a two. 334 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:44,138 All right, I'll tell you what. I'll make some pancakes. 335 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,140 Two eggs, some flour in that motherfucking bowl. 336 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,184 You don't have to tell me. I know how to make a pancake. 337 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,352 The wrist gotta be like this. 338 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,187 All right, great. You know, you're so knowledgeable 339 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,606 about making pancakes, why don't you make them yourself? 340 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:57,777 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not your slave, man. 341 00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,696 -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! -Whoa! 342 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,322 -Never said you were. -Whoa! Whoa, you did. 343 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,991 -No. Whoa! No, no. -Whoa! I got the "whoa." 344 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,367 -No, I got the "whoa." -Oh, no, no. 345 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,160 -I'm in possession of the "whoa." -I got the "whoa." 346 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,912 -I got the "whoa." Oh, no! -I said "whoa" first. 347 00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,497 You want me to make pancakes? That's a "whoa." 348 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,207 Yeah. You're saying that I think you're a slave? 349 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,333 That's a "whoa." 350 00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:14,252 -That's a "I ain't gonna do shit" whoa. -Whoa. Whoa. 351 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,879 What does that have to do with slave? I didn't say you were a slave. 352 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,423 That's just doing someone a favor. 353 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,674 You know what slavery was? 354 00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:23,219 A whole long list of fucking favors. 355 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:26,306 -Never thought of it like that, Jonesey. -Yeah. Give me a point taken. 356 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,016 -How about that? -No. 357 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,183 -You know why? -Why? 358 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,435 'Cause you'll just take it back. 359 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,103 -Mm. No. -You don't like the point taken. 360 00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:35,231 I like a point taken. I just don't want it taken from me. 361 00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,067 I'mma go to bed. 362 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,319 Get me some rest, man. 363 00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:41,362 -Get a good night's sleep there. -Yeah. 364 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,573 -Jonesey... -Appreciate you, Lawrence! 365 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,200 ...make a right up the stairs, don't go left. 366 00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:47,994 -That's the dead room. -Okay. 367 00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,415 Hey, this mattress is too soft! 368 00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,251 That's too fucking bad. 369 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,712 -Whoa. -Oh. Oh, no, no. 370 00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,505 -Whoa. -No, oh, whoa. 371 00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,841 -Whoa! I got the "whoa!" -I got the "whoa!" 372 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,801 -I got the "whoa!" -Oh, no. I got the "whoa!" 373 00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:05,553 -I've got the "whoa!" -I got the "whoa!" 374 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,513 -Whoa! -No! 375 00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:13,478 Look at you. You're just absolutely beautiful. 376 00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:19,067 Combination of flapjacks, hot cakes, and pancakes. 377 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,944 -Jonesey cakes. Yeah! -Oh, my God. 378 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,030 What the fuck? 379 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:26,699 Soak yourself in that. 380 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,952 What is going on here? It's the middle of the night. 381 00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:32,121 And you woke me up with the smell of bacon. 382 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,373 You can't blame bacon. 383 00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:35,375 It's one of the most recognizable smells in the world. 384 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,043 You can smell bacon through dog shit. 385 00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:39,253 This is an underground railroad. 386 00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,255 -Yeah. -And what do railroads do? 387 00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:44,175 They move. You gotta get back on the train. 388 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:46,386 Get back on the train. 389 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:47,762 That's a great concept. You know what? 390 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:49,430 I've been thinking about that a lot. 391 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:50,598 And I decided to stay. 392 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,184 You know, and help other slaves make their way up North. 393 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:55,895 You know, a month ago when you got here, 394 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,524 you couldn't wait to go and start tapping in the North. 395 00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:00,650 You were gonna tap. 396 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,985 What happened to the tapping? They're there. 397 00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,362 -Yeah. -They're waiting for the tap. 398 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,030 Everybody's going, "Where's Jonesey?" 399 00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,949 -"Where's Jonesey?" -"We're ready for tapping." 400 00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:09,200 I'mma tell you something. 401 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:12,036 My daddy always told me, "Ass ain't going nowhere." 402 00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,580 "Ass gonna be there when you get there." 403 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:18,251 Jonesey, I know how sensitive you are about the word "favor," 404 00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:24,382 but would it be too much to ask, you know, to kind of help out a little bit? 405 00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:26,968 You want me to slave it up around here? 406 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,470 No, I just... I just want you to help out. 407 00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:30,596 Are you serious right now? 408 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,306 -Are you serious? -Are you serious? 409 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,641 I ask you to take your shoes off. 410 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,226 -Is that slavish? -That's slave shit. 411 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,645 Okay, I ask you to pick up some candles. 412 00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,188 If it ain't for me, slavish. 413 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,440 What if we're sharing the candles? 414 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,150 If you're involved with it, that's slavish. 415 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,110 -No, it's not. That's a favor. -Yeah. No, no, it's not. 416 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,862 -That's a favor. -You want more favors? 417 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,197 You are not allowed to ask a Black person 418 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,534 for any favors for the next 400 years. 419 00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:52,827 -Is that right? -That's right. 420 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,037 You know what? This is smelling awfully good. 421 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,665 Fuck yeah. You better sit your ass down, stop all that complaining and shit. 422 00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:00,126 Would you pass the pancakes, or is that slavish? 423 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,961 I'mma hand that to you 'cause they're Jonesey cakes. 424 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,713 -No kidding. -You should try those Jonesey cakes. 425 00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,756 You know what? I think we're making a lot of progress here. 426 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,717 -I think we're making a lot of progress. -Look at this. 427 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:08,885 Uh-oh. 428 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,720 -Any chance you'll get that? -Slave. 429 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:16,100 -Good evening. -I wasn't expecting anyone. 430 00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:23,274 -Hello. -Hey, Mr. White Man. 431 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,775 You must be one of the good ones. 432 00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:28,571 Armoire and Ottoman! What? 433 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,239 -Jonesey! -Come on now! Come on! 434 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,367 I knew you was here! I knew you was here! 435 00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:34,619 They can't catch me! 436 00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:37,246 This is who I was telling you about! Armoire and Ottoman right here! 437 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,582 Armoire and Ottoman, yeah, yeah. Ethan Allen? 438 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:40,833 -Yeah! -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 439 00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:43,085 -Where y'all headed at? -Well, we was planning to spend the night 440 00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:46,923 and then take 18 long miles tomorrow to get to a house in Joplin. 441 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,633 Yeah, yeah, you're welcome to spend the night. 442 00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,218 -Of course, yeah. -Thank you. 443 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,470 -Fuck that. You stay as long as you want. -Huh? 444 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:53,721 Take a long, long vacation. 445 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,139 -You for real? -For real. 446 00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:57,391 -This is Jonesey talking to you. -Thank you, Jonesey. Thank you. 447 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,727 Ottoman, you go on in there and put your feet on top of yourself. 448 00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:01,604 -You ain't gotta tell me twice. -Okay? Y'all go eat. 449 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,648 -You hear that, Ottoman? -Go eat. Go eat, rest them feet. 450 00:17:04,147 --> 00:17:05,608 Yeah. Look at y'all. 451 00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,401 Lawrence got about three more of these robes, man. 452 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:08,694 I got you. Don't worry about it. 453 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,530 Goddamn, Jonesey, it sure is damp in here. 454 00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:11,656 I told you. 455 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:15,367 Hey, Armoire, I got a big boulder in front of the barn. 456 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:18,119 I was wondering if maybe you could help me move it tomorrow morning? 457 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,204 Slave? 458 00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:21,707 Yeah, of course. 459 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:33,511 On December 17th, 1903, in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, 460 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,180 American inventors Wilbur and Orville Wright 461 00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:39,350 achieved the first controlled flight of a powered aircraft, 462 00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:41,269 the "Wright Flyer." 463 00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:45,648 The flight lasted 12 seconds, and covered a distance of 120 feet. 464 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,067 Hey, gotta start somewhere. 465 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:53,072 And with it, the Wright brothers ushered in the era of flight. 466 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:57,994 But there was a third Wright brother whom the history books have neglected, 467 00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:00,121 and with good reason. 468 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,500 Make sure you get the whole plane in it, and also one of us. 469 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,627 -Three, two, one. -And then one, like, silly for-- 470 00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,922 There we go. And then one more... one more, like, really serious, 471 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,382 -where we're just, like yeah. -Hey! Hey! 472 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,466 Like this. Love it. 473 00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,010 -Orville! Orville! -Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 474 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,262 -Shit, shit. Go, go, go, go. -Get out of the way. Go, go, go. 475 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,806 -Start it up. Crank it up. -What's going on? What are you doing? 476 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:19,932 Hey, we... 477 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,767 -We just were ta-- For you. -We were waiting for you. 478 00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,477 -Didn't look that way. -Yeah, no, no. 479 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,396 -We have to test all of the equipment... -All the stuff. 480 00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:26,480 ...make sure that it works 481 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,149 -and it's all ready to go. -Yeah, this is all... 482 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,567 -working. -And then you're the last, uh, 483 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,485 -the last element of the equation. -Really? Really? 484 00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:33,487 -Yeah. -Looks like you were ready to take off, 485 00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:34,697 -boys. -No, not at all! 486 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:36,657 -Not enough wind! -Why would we take off without you? 487 00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:38,034 -We wouldn't take off without you. -No. 488 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,910 -It's the Wright brothers. Come on! -Yeah! 489 00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:41,829 -Come on in. -Come on. You can sit right here. 490 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:43,456 -Sit here? -Yeah. 491 00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:44,749 -Sit her down. -In the middle? 492 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,042 -Yeah. -Right in the middle, buddy. 493 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,126 -What? -Yeah. 494 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,336 -This is awful. -Favorite brother. 495 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,421 -No, it's gonna be great. -This is not comfortable at all. 496 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,173 You know, you can lean back a little if you want. 497 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,050 I don't want the middle seat. Let me sit on the end. 498 00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,427 -No, no, I gotta work the stuff. -No, no, no. He's gotta work that. 499 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:57,511 I've gotta work the engine. 500 00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,680 -You just sit right in the middle. -I can't sit in the middle. 501 00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:01,599 -I get claustrophobic. -It's the last seat available. 502 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,225 I don't understand why there is a middle seat. 503 00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:05,436 Why is there one seat that's so much worse than the others? 504 00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:07,021 You're ruining a great invention. 505 00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:09,023 We will need you to put this below your seat, though. 506 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,358 -What? Why? -Yeah, just for safety. 507 00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,568 What do you mean "safety"? I'm sitting on a peach crate. 508 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,487 Any hand luggage needs to go under the seat. 509 00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,739 -That's where that belongs. -Well, why can't I keep it on my lap? 510 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:18,366 -It's very, very dangerous. -No, no, no, no. 511 00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:20,034 We designed it for the bag to fit under there. 512 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,744 -Okay. You know what? -Should be under the seat. 513 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,120 -Fine, fine. -Yeah, not on your lap. 514 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,538 -You know... -Fine. 515 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:25,748 -You happy? -Yeah. 516 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,249 -I am happy. -Yeah, you happy? 517 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,043 -We're ready to go. -Oh, I feel so safe. 518 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,419 -Time to go. -I feel safe. 519 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,213 -Yeah. -Thank God the carry-on's under the seat. 520 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,215 Well, now you got your hands in case something goes wrong. 521 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,467 -Something goes wrong, you brace yourself. -You brace yourself. 522 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,552 -You can do one of these, right? -One of these. Right? 523 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:39,804 -Or one of these. -One of those. 524 00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:41,889 -Then you can do one of these. -If the plane goes like that, 525 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,308 -you can brace yourself. -Okay, I get it. I got the point. 526 00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:47,061 -I got the point. Okay? Got the point. -All right. Now we're ready to take off. 527 00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:48,813 All right! 528 00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,524 -Ready to go? -You know, I just gotta say, okay? 529 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,734 -Yeah. -I mean, I'm not... I'm not stupid. 530 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,903 I know-- I think you were trying to take off without me. 531 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:57,321 -And you know, Wilbur... -Yeah. 532 00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:58,656 ...I did save your life. 533 00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:00,825 -I think the least you owe me is to... -Oh, this again. 534 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,284 ...you know, to at least wait for me. 535 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,203 What are you talking about? When did you save my life? 536 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,288 You were drowning, and I gave you an oar, I saved your life. 537 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,374 Yeah. I probably would've made it on my own, but thank you. 538 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:09,875 No, you wouldn't have made it on your own. 539 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,293 -You were crying. -I was not crying. 540 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,087 -You were screaming. -That was water from the lake. 541 00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:15,005 -I was not screaming. -I'll never forget that scream, 542 00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:16,424 -I'll tell you that. -You sh-- I-- 543 00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:17,842 It was embarrassing. I-- 544 00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:19,552 You'll never forget a lot of things you make up. 545 00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,762 -Yeah. -I'm glad that we're all here, 546 00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:24,557 ready to take off. It's gonna be a great flight. 547 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,016 -Yeah. -Any snacks on here? 548 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,601 -What? You didn't eat? -Give him a snack. 549 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,311 -I've got-- -Yeah, I'm coming on the plane here. 550 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,479 There's no snack? 551 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,565 -I mean, anything to put in his mouth. -I got some peanuts. 552 00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:35,025 -Here, have some peanuts. -Peanuts? That's it? That's circus food. 553 00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:36,986 -No, try 'em out. -It's hardly circus-- We gotta take off 554 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:38,320 before this gets any weirder. 555 00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:41,490 -Okay. -All right, ready? Gentlemen, goggles on. 556 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,744 -Ready to go? -Here we go. 557 00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,787 -Contact. -Contact. 558 00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:47,997 Contact. 559 00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,374 Here we go. 560 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,376 All right, it's working like a charm. 561 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:53,753 -Oh, yeah. -Beautiful. 562 00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:55,838 Oh, that's probably bad. 563 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,799 -Yep, yep, yep. Let me kill it. -Oh, yeah. Is it-- Is it doing the thing? 564 00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:00,551 -What happened? -Let me kill it. Let me kill it. 565 00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:01,844 -Colby! Where's Colby? -Colby! 566 00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,095 -Hey, guys. -Here he comes. 567 00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:05,139 I think it's the same rod. We threw a rod. 568 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:06,599 -Get comfortable. -Let me take a look. 569 00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,434 -It's gonna be a while so... -Colby's on it. Our guy-- 570 00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,060 -Okay, fine. -He's on it. He's got the wrench. 571 00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:12,271 -No, no, no, no. We gotta wait here. -What are you talking about? 572 00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:13,898 We gotta wait on the plane. We can't deplane. 573 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:15,566 De-- What is "deplane"? I never heard of that. 574 00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:17,318 -Why? Are you kidding? -It's the opposite of plane. 575 00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:18,736 -We gotta wait right here... -"Deplane"? 576 00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,446 -...until they fix the mechanical issue. -Yeah. 577 00:21:20,571 --> 00:21:21,989 -Deplane? -Safety first. 578 00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:25,201 We're sitting on the ground. There's no safety involved. 579 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,577 I gotta wait on the plane 580 00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,162 -no matter how long it takes? -Yeah. 581 00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:30,748 -What if it's five hours? -Then we wait five hours. 582 00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:33,083 I gotta sit in the middle with shitty snacks 583 00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:34,668 -doing nothing? -Yeah. 584 00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:36,462 -For five hours? Are you crazy? -Yeah. 585 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,630 This is the airplane experience. 586 00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:40,007 It's not a good experience! It's a bad experience! 587 00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:41,509 The stupidest rule I ever heard. 588 00:21:41,592 --> 00:21:43,010 -Trust us. It's for your own safety. -Yeah. 589 00:21:43,093 --> 00:21:45,221 -Just get comfy. -You know what else? 590 00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:46,972 I'm taking my name off the invention. 591 00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:48,808 Orville and Wilbur, you can have it. 592 00:21:48,891 --> 00:21:50,434 I don't want anything to do with this machine. 593 00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:52,603 -You're gonna regret it. -Oh, I don't think so. 594 00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:54,104 I'm telling you, you're gonna regret this. 595 00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:56,106 And by the way, I have a bone to pick with you. 596 00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:57,775 -I'm sure you do. What now? -Here we go. 597 00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,819 I was going away for a week, you remember? 598 00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:01,737 -I asked you to water my plants. -Of course. 599 00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:02,988 I come home... 600 00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:05,908 -Plants are thriving. -...and I discover that you 601 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,035 have had sex in my house. 602 00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:10,079 How did you find out that he had sex in your house? 603 00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:13,791 Because there was sex evidence by the African violets. 604 00:22:13,874 --> 00:22:15,251 -That's how. -I'm not denying it, 605 00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:17,837 but I can't have sex in my house. My wife is there. 606 00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:20,714 By the way, somebody has to have sex in your house. 607 00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:23,300 -Thank you. Right. This one isn't. -You know, Wilbur, fuck you. 608 00:22:23,384 --> 00:22:24,802 -Fuck you. Fuck you. -Fuck you. 609 00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:27,471 -Oh, boy. Guy-- But calm down. -You gave me the bad seat, 610 00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:29,723 just like you gave me the bad seat at your wedding. Same thing. 611 00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:30,975 Put me right by the kitchen. 612 00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:32,726 Every waiter would bump into me 613 00:22:32,810 --> 00:22:35,938 -and knock me over on the way out. -I put you at the singles table. 614 00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:37,898 You were looking to meet somebody that night, 615 00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:39,692 and I put you next to the best-looking lady there. 616 00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:41,610 She had one eye, okay? 617 00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:43,821 -Hey, things happen. -She didn't have an eye patch. 618 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:46,115 It was like you sat me next to a cyclops. 619 00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:48,325 I was sitting on her blind side, 620 00:22:48,409 --> 00:22:50,619 and she knocked her tomato soup all over my lap. 621 00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:52,454 -Why is that her fault? -It's not her fault. 622 00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:54,206 Let her have one eye, but wear an eye patch. 623 00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:55,916 Have a little consideration for other people. 624 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,252 -You could've just asked her out. -Asked her out? 625 00:22:58,335 --> 00:22:59,879 You know, she talks about you all the time. 626 00:22:59,962 --> 00:23:01,255 -She talks about me? -She does. Yeah. 627 00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:03,966 Maybe next time you see her, tell her to put an eye patch on. 628 00:23:04,049 --> 00:23:06,051 Hey, you know what would be a nice thing for you to do? 629 00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:08,262 Maybe make her one and say, "Hey, you know what? I got you." 630 00:23:08,345 --> 00:23:11,473 -That sounds insulting to me. -Giving somebody a gift? 631 00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:13,809 Listen, she knows about an eye patch. 632 00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:15,477 She just chooses not to wear it. 633 00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:17,771 It was a formal event. She didn't have a formal eye patch. 634 00:23:17,855 --> 00:23:18,856 I think that's the problem. 635 00:23:18,939 --> 00:23:20,399 Why don't you make her one that's bedazzled? 636 00:23:20,524 --> 00:23:22,067 -Maybe she'll wear that. -Something nice. 637 00:23:22,151 --> 00:23:24,236 -'Cause she's not a bad-looking woman. -That's what I'm saying. 638 00:23:24,445 --> 00:23:26,572 Yeah, I'll send it to her in the mail 639 00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:27,740 -anonymously. -Anon-- 640 00:23:27,823 --> 00:23:29,867 -Orville? Yeah. -And then notice it the next time. 641 00:23:29,950 --> 00:23:31,535 -Yes. -And the note attached should say, 642 00:23:31,619 --> 00:23:33,412 "Beauty is in the one eye of the beholder." 643 00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:35,831 -I love that. I love that. That's not bad. -You know what? 644 00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:37,708 -Good for something. Yeah. -That's good. That's good. 645 00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:39,376 -All right, let's take off. -Ready to take off? 646 00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:41,795 -Colby, how we doing? -Oh, we got a thumbs up, guys. 647 00:23:41,879 --> 00:23:43,130 -We got a thumbs up. -Good to go. 648 00:23:43,213 --> 00:23:44,298 -Goggles on. -Here we go. 649 00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:47,092 -All clear. -And spin it, Colby. Contact. 650 00:23:47,176 --> 00:23:48,218 Good luck. 651 00:23:48,302 --> 00:23:50,220 -Here we go! -Oh, look at that. 652 00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:53,641 This is gonna be great. 653 00:23:53,724 --> 00:23:54,808 Hold it steady. 654 00:23:57,394 --> 00:23:59,021 Wow, it works! 655 00:23:59,104 --> 00:24:00,272 -There we go! -No, no, no! 656 00:24:00,356 --> 00:24:03,192 I changed my mind. I don't wanna go! I'm feeling sick. I'm feeling sick. 657 00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,527 -I'm gonna throw up. -Here. Here, use that. 658 00:24:07,613 --> 00:24:09,448 Look at this beautiful view. 659 00:24:09,531 --> 00:24:12,868 I'm gonna die! No, no, no! I don't wanna go! 660 00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:26,590 In the 1950s, during the Cold War between Russia and the United States, 661 00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:29,134 fear of communism was everywhere. 662 00:24:29,218 --> 00:24:31,637 The Red Scare reached a fever pitch 663 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:35,015 when Republican Senator Joe McCarthy of Wisconsin 664 00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:37,768 launched a series of highly publicized probes 665 00:24:37,851 --> 00:24:41,230 into alleged communist penetration of all levels of government. 666 00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:43,774 No one dared tangle with McCarthy 667 00:24:43,857 --> 00:24:45,943 for fear of being labeled a communist. 668 00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:48,404 Even the U.S. Army was under investigation, 669 00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:51,073 which led to the famous Army-McCarthy hearings. 670 00:24:51,573 --> 00:24:54,368 Joseph Welch was the chief counsel for the Army, 671 00:24:54,451 --> 00:24:58,163 and his confrontation with McCarthy, where he famously asked, 672 00:24:58,706 --> 00:25:03,210 "Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last?" 673 00:25:03,293 --> 00:25:04,962 was seen as a turning point 674 00:25:05,045 --> 00:25:07,214 in this regrettable chapter of our history. 675 00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:08,924 But according to McCarthy, 676 00:25:09,008 --> 00:25:12,261 he wasn't the only one with no sense of decency. 677 00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:14,722 In view of Mr. Welch's request, 678 00:25:15,347 --> 00:25:18,684 I think we should tell him that he has in his law firm 679 00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:20,769 a young man named Fisher... 680 00:25:21,812 --> 00:25:23,772 who for many years 681 00:25:24,398 --> 00:25:27,026 has been part of an organization, 682 00:25:27,109 --> 00:25:29,111 oh, years and years ago, 683 00:25:29,611 --> 00:25:33,198 that is the legal bulwark of the Communist Party. 684 00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:36,744 Let us not assassinate this lad further. 685 00:25:36,827 --> 00:25:42,332 Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? 686 00:25:42,416 --> 00:25:45,711 -Have you left no sense of decency? -Here, here! 687 00:25:45,794 --> 00:25:49,631 Have I no sense of decency? And what about you, Mr. Welch? 688 00:25:49,715 --> 00:25:53,677 I see you drinking a glass of water without a coaster, 689 00:25:53,761 --> 00:25:56,221 leaving a ring stain on a beautiful table. 690 00:25:56,305 --> 00:25:58,432 So, who has no sense of decency? 691 00:25:58,515 --> 00:25:59,975 In my defense, Senator, 692 00:26:00,059 --> 00:26:03,812 I was told the table has been treated with a fine epoxy. 693 00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:07,149 It is also a very old table, I believe. 694 00:26:07,232 --> 00:26:10,944 Mr. Welch, I will submit that you care as little about this table 695 00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:13,530 as you do about the sanctity of our democracy. 696 00:26:13,614 --> 00:26:17,993 Otherwise, you would have a coaster like the one I brought from home. 697 00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:21,163 You traveled here today with your own coaster? 698 00:26:21,246 --> 00:26:25,584 Yes, that is correct, because I respect wood. 699 00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:29,922 The issue is, you left a ring stain, you're continuing to leave ring stains, 700 00:26:30,005 --> 00:26:32,633 and I can tell you who else leaves ring stains. 701 00:26:32,716 --> 00:26:34,802 -Communists leave ring stains. -Oh, come on. 702 00:26:34,885 --> 00:26:37,012 -Communists don't care about a table. -Point of order. 703 00:26:37,096 --> 00:26:39,306 Communists have no respect for wood. 704 00:26:39,389 --> 00:26:40,390 Citation needed. 705 00:26:40,474 --> 00:26:42,851 And I'll tell you who else lacks common decency. 706 00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:44,812 -Senator Symington? -Yes? 707 00:26:44,895 --> 00:26:47,064 You came to my house a few weeks ago, 708 00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:51,235 and did not wipe your feet on the mat. 709 00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:53,987 You trudged in mud. Is that decent? 710 00:26:54,071 --> 00:26:56,448 How could you even know that? When I found you, you couldn't hear me. 711 00:26:56,532 --> 00:26:58,408 You were in your study on the other side of the house. 712 00:26:58,492 --> 00:27:02,121 My hearing is as finely attuned to wiping 713 00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:06,125 as it is to the infiltration of communists in the State Department. 714 00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:09,253 And I'll tell you who else doesn't wipe their feet. 715 00:27:09,336 --> 00:27:10,379 Don't say it. 716 00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:12,172 Communists don't wipe their feet. 717 00:27:12,256 --> 00:27:15,342 -I've never seen a communist wiping feet. -Okay, here we go. Here we go. 718 00:27:15,425 --> 00:27:18,637 You don't find welcome mats in the Soviet Union. 719 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:22,474 Karl Marx was a mud tracker. Engels wrote about it. 720 00:27:22,558 --> 00:27:26,061 My housekeeper is from Romania. She told me herself. 721 00:27:26,145 --> 00:27:28,564 There are no mats in the satellite countries. 722 00:27:28,647 --> 00:27:31,733 She fled because there were no doormats? 723 00:27:31,817 --> 00:27:33,068 And who could blame her? 724 00:27:33,152 --> 00:27:34,486 Speaking of indecency, 725 00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:37,573 Senator Byrd told me he couldn't come to my barbecue 726 00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:39,491 because it was his daughter's birthday. 727 00:27:39,575 --> 00:27:43,203 Turns out his daughter is 28 years old. 728 00:27:43,287 --> 00:27:46,582 A father can't spend a special day with his daughter? 729 00:27:46,665 --> 00:27:48,292 Not at the age of 28. 730 00:27:48,375 --> 00:27:50,294 What are they going to do, Senator Mundt? 731 00:27:50,377 --> 00:27:52,754 Go to the zoo? Paint their faces? 732 00:27:52,838 --> 00:27:55,174 Go on a pony ride? Get ice cream? 733 00:27:55,257 --> 00:27:58,177 I tell you, gentlemen, it lacks decency. 734 00:27:58,260 --> 00:28:00,596 And by the way, if I may continue, 735 00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:04,141 mutual trips to the Senate lavatory have confirmed 736 00:28:04,224 --> 00:28:08,228 that Senator Dirksen does not use soap when he washes his hands. 737 00:28:08,312 --> 00:28:10,647 I can tell you who else doesn't use soap. 738 00:28:10,731 --> 00:28:12,232 -If I had to guess-- -Communist. 739 00:28:12,316 --> 00:28:13,734 -Communist. -You got it. 740 00:28:13,817 --> 00:28:18,780 My Romanian housekeeper, Lenka, has told me all about communists, 741 00:28:18,864 --> 00:28:21,158 how they don't wear clothes in their homes. 742 00:28:21,241 --> 00:28:23,994 They have no shame, no modesty. 743 00:28:24,077 --> 00:28:26,496 Occasionally, she will walk around the house 744 00:28:26,580 --> 00:28:28,290 -without clothes on... -Okay. 745 00:28:28,373 --> 00:28:30,125 ...and I will have to remind her 746 00:28:30,209 --> 00:28:33,795 that she is here in America, and we wear clothes here. 747 00:28:33,879 --> 00:28:35,631 You want more indecency? 748 00:28:35,714 --> 00:28:37,299 The Ways and Means Committee 749 00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:39,760 went to the Old Ebbitt for lunch last week, 750 00:28:39,843 --> 00:28:44,932 and Senator Potter took it upon himself to order for the entire table, 751 00:28:45,015 --> 00:28:47,100 as if he was chairman. 752 00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:50,562 Does that word ring a bell to anyone? 753 00:28:50,646 --> 00:28:52,356 I could tell you another chairman. 754 00:28:52,439 --> 00:28:54,149 His name is Nikita Khrushchev, 755 00:28:54,233 --> 00:28:57,027 and he's the chairman of the Communist Party 756 00:28:57,110 --> 00:28:58,278 in the Soviet Union. 757 00:28:58,362 --> 00:28:59,738 Nobody could make up their mind. 758 00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:01,949 If I hadn't ordered, we'd still be eating that lunch. 759 00:29:02,032 --> 00:29:04,493 I didn't get one thing that I liked. 760 00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:05,869 He ordered fish. 761 00:29:05,953 --> 00:29:09,248 Disgusting, awful, smelly halibut. 762 00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:11,708 It was a special. It was highly recommended. 763 00:29:11,792 --> 00:29:15,003 Yes, highly recommended by a waiter 764 00:29:15,087 --> 00:29:18,840 who was wearing a very red shirt! 765 00:29:18,924 --> 00:29:21,051 Are we now color-coding communism? 766 00:29:21,134 --> 00:29:22,177 Indeed. 767 00:29:22,261 --> 00:29:24,388 Well, then what about Santa Claus, sir? 768 00:29:24,471 --> 00:29:26,682 And I have my doubts about Santa Claus 769 00:29:26,765 --> 00:29:30,018 giving away all those presents, going house to house, 770 00:29:30,102 --> 00:29:35,274 collecting information and using it against decent Americans. 771 00:29:36,233 --> 00:29:37,317 He's nuts. 772 00:29:37,401 --> 00:29:39,903 It appears that anything that you dislike 773 00:29:39,987 --> 00:29:43,031 can be compared to the evils of communism. 774 00:29:43,115 --> 00:29:46,535 I don't particularly like it when my neighbor allows their dog 775 00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:48,620 to relieve himself in my yard. 776 00:29:48,704 --> 00:29:51,290 I don't think he's a communist dog. 777 00:29:51,373 --> 00:29:55,168 This is no laughing matter. We're doing very important work. 778 00:29:55,252 --> 00:30:00,340 What's more, I saw Senator Potter personally take a handful of mints 779 00:30:00,424 --> 00:30:03,468 at a restaurant from a bowl at the cashier. 780 00:30:03,552 --> 00:30:05,846 There's an honor system, Senator. 781 00:30:05,929 --> 00:30:09,808 The mints weren't exclusively for me. I share them with the staff. 782 00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:13,312 Sticking that big, filthy paw in a handful of mints 783 00:30:13,395 --> 00:30:15,522 is not something the restaurant encourages. 784 00:30:15,605 --> 00:30:18,442 Senator Potter, were they individually wrapped mints? 785 00:30:18,525 --> 00:30:23,280 There was no wrapping, per se, but I wash my hands, unlike Dirksen. 786 00:30:23,363 --> 00:30:26,575 Did you ask the cashier if you could take a handful of mints? 787 00:30:26,658 --> 00:30:28,744 -It's implied. -It's not implied. 788 00:30:28,827 --> 00:30:32,873 It's one mint per person. One mint per person. 789 00:30:32,956 --> 00:30:36,168 One mint per person. One mint per person. 790 00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:37,627 -One-- -No one's chanting that. 791 00:30:37,711 --> 00:30:39,755 -No one's gonna chant with you. -No one's chanting. 792 00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:42,799 Senator Potter, I don't think I need to tell you, 793 00:30:42,883 --> 00:30:45,927 if you were in Moscow, you would be in prison 794 00:30:46,011 --> 00:30:48,513 for going over your mint allotment. 795 00:30:48,597 --> 00:30:51,975 They will chop your hands off. They'll chop your toes off. 796 00:30:52,059 --> 00:30:54,019 They'll chop your legs off. 797 00:30:54,102 --> 00:30:55,979 You'll be left as a stump, 798 00:30:56,063 --> 00:30:58,357 someone to be viewed in the circus. 799 00:30:58,440 --> 00:30:59,608 Let's leave it at that. 800 00:30:59,691 --> 00:31:02,819 Is anyone else having a problem following all this? 801 00:31:03,445 --> 00:31:04,446 No! 802 00:31:05,947 --> 00:31:09,493 I introduced Senator Kilgore and Congressman Sullivan, 803 00:31:09,576 --> 00:31:11,203 and the next thing I know, 804 00:31:11,286 --> 00:31:14,748 they're going to a baseball game together without me. 805 00:31:14,831 --> 00:31:16,708 -That's not decent. -So what? 806 00:31:16,792 --> 00:31:18,794 They don't know each other well enough 807 00:31:18,877 --> 00:31:22,089 to be going off by themselves without including me. 808 00:31:22,172 --> 00:31:24,383 I'm the catalyst, I'm the glue. 809 00:31:24,466 --> 00:31:26,259 They deliberately excluded me, 810 00:31:26,343 --> 00:31:29,930 but nobody sniffs out chicanery like Tail Gunner Joe. 811 00:31:30,013 --> 00:31:33,683 Maybe they had business to discuss that did not include you? 812 00:31:33,767 --> 00:31:36,937 Yes, like overthrowing the government of the United States. 813 00:31:37,020 --> 00:31:38,480 Oh, come on. 814 00:31:38,563 --> 00:31:39,898 -Come on. -The irony is 815 00:31:39,981 --> 00:31:41,817 they did it at a baseball game, 816 00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:44,277 the most American of all activities, 817 00:31:44,361 --> 00:31:47,114 where you're free to shout out things like, 818 00:31:47,197 --> 00:31:50,033 "Hey, batter, batter, you stink!" 819 00:31:50,117 --> 00:31:53,120 "You suck! Go to hell! Drop dead!" 820 00:31:53,870 --> 00:31:57,707 Try saying that in Moscow and see what happens. 821 00:31:57,791 --> 00:32:01,461 And you say, Mr. Welch, that I have no decency. 822 00:32:01,545 --> 00:32:03,505 I would also just say, take the hint. 823 00:32:03,588 --> 00:32:05,048 Your hint is not taken. 824 00:32:05,132 --> 00:32:08,718 I happen to be a bowl of fun and a big, 825 00:32:08,802 --> 00:32:10,262 -big barrel of laughs. -No. 826 00:32:10,345 --> 00:32:12,431 And do you wanna know who else has no common decency? 827 00:32:12,514 --> 00:32:13,515 Not really. 828 00:32:13,598 --> 00:32:15,767 Whenever a fat guy eats something halfway healthy, 829 00:32:15,851 --> 00:32:17,102 he never shuts up about it. 830 00:32:17,185 --> 00:32:20,397 I had a salad for lunch. You don't hear me crowing about it. 831 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,732 -Stupid idiot. -I got a haircut last week. 832 00:32:22,816 --> 00:32:24,401 No one said boo. 833 00:32:24,484 --> 00:32:27,279 You acknowledge a haircut, that's the decent thing to do. 834 00:32:27,362 --> 00:32:30,198 And Senator Goldwater, pressing the elevator button 835 00:32:30,282 --> 00:32:32,242 will not make it come any faster. 836 00:32:32,325 --> 00:32:34,744 And to all the married men out there 837 00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:38,123 who are constantly bragging about having sex with your wives, 838 00:32:38,206 --> 00:32:39,332 big deal! 839 00:32:39,416 --> 00:32:43,044 You talk about it like it's some great accomplishment. 840 00:32:43,128 --> 00:32:45,213 So what? It's pathetic. 841 00:32:45,297 --> 00:32:47,716 I have sex with my wife all the time... 842 00:32:47,799 --> 00:32:50,093 -What are you doing? -...in many different positions, 843 00:32:50,177 --> 00:32:52,053 some of which are quite demeaning. 844 00:32:52,137 --> 00:32:54,014 And she does anything I want. 845 00:32:54,097 --> 00:32:55,474 Many costumes. 846 00:32:55,557 --> 00:32:57,809 But I don't go around yapping about it. 847 00:32:57,893 --> 00:33:01,354 Senator, you are aware these hearings are televised, 848 00:33:01,438 --> 00:33:03,398 and your wife is surely watching. 849 00:33:11,406 --> 00:33:13,200 I'm joking! I'm joking. I'm joking! 850 00:33:13,283 --> 00:33:16,411 I'm jo-- I-- Honey! Jeannie! 851 00:33:16,495 --> 00:33:18,788 You know what I think of you. I didn't mean any of that. 852 00:33:18,872 --> 00:33:20,582 It was all a joke. It's all for effect. 853 00:33:20,665 --> 00:33:22,542 You know, I don't even care about communists. 854 00:33:22,626 --> 00:33:23,960 Honey, don't be mad at me, please. 855 00:33:24,044 --> 00:33:27,005 I didn't mean to say anything. I just got-- I got excited. 856 00:33:27,088 --> 00:33:28,590 You know how I get. 857 00:33:28,673 --> 00:33:32,302 Oh, Jeannie, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!