1 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:08,842 ♪ ("THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER" PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:30,029 - ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - SAMUEL L. JACKSON: On the evening of April 18th, 3 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,739 - 1775... - (HORSE NEIGHING, GALLOPING) 4 00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,533 ...Paul Revere was given the task 5 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,785 to ride to Lexington, Massachusetts 6 00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,703 with the news that the British soldiers 7 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,789 stationed in Boston were about to march 8 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:42,333 into the countryside northwest of town. 9 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:43,834 Revere set out on horseback, 10 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,670 and after narrowly avoiding capture 11 00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:47,004 outside of Charleston, 12 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:50,091 he changed his route and rode through Medford, 13 00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:52,802 - warning the colonists of the impending attack. - (HORSE GALLOPING) 14 00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,512 JACKSON: You know, "The British are coming! 15 00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:56,597 The British are coming!" 16 00:00:56,598 --> 00:01:00,810 Revere's brave ride saved many lives 17 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:03,020 and inadvertently ruined a few others. 18 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,647 - (HORSE NEIGHS) - PAUL REVERE: The British are coming! 19 00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:07,024 - TOWNSPERSON: Fetch the horses! We must flee! - REVERE: The British are coming! 20 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,360 - (TOWNSPEOPLE CLAMORING) - REVERE: The British are coming! 21 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:12,488 - The British are coming! Flee! - ♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 22 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,448 REVERE: Flee! Run for your lives! 23 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,033 - Oh, shit! The British! - (TOWNSPEOPLE CLAMORING) 24 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:19,620 The-- The British are coming! Hey! The British are coming! 25 00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,872 - ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ - Oh, my God! Elsbeth! Els-- Elsbeth! 26 00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,791 - Yeah? What's happening? - The British are coming! 27 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,376 - What? What? - LARRY DAVID: The British are coming! 28 00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:27,044 Yeah! We gotta pack up and get out of here! 29 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,504 - Where are we gonna go? - I don't know! 30 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,881 Ah! Oh, we could go to my sister's in Ipswich! 31 00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:31,882 - Your sister's? - ELSBETH: Yeah! 32 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,093 Oh, no, she's such a Puritan! We can't go there! 33 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,554 Before every meal she says grace for 45 minutes! 34 00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:37,972 I don't know what she's so thankful for! 35 00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:39,056 Half her kids are dead! 36 00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,683 Yeah, well she's still got five good ones! 37 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,018 Okay, we'll go to your sister's. 38 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,185 - ELSBETH: Okay. - Get your stuff! 39 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,229 - Pack your things! - Should I take the carrots? 40 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:46,564 - Carrots, good. Good snack. - ELSBETH: Yeah. 41 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:47,732 What about the eggs? 42 00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:50,234 No. Eggs on a trip with a horse? Are you nuts? 43 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:52,111 You're taking your collection of feathers? 44 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,821 This is not a feather collection. 45 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,156 These are quills. 46 00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:57,158 - I've had this collection since I was a boy. - (ELSBETH GRUNTS) 47 00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,285 This one was in the hands of John Winthrop 48 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,745 the day he died of pleurisy. 49 00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:02,830 - We gotta make space for Mom. - You're not bringing that. 50 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,248 This was her wedding day portrait. 51 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,542 - She was 25. - That woman's a monster! 52 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,502 - ELSBETH: We're sharing your trunk! - That-- That-- That-- No! No. 53 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,421 - Let-- Let-- (MUTTERS, GRUNTS) - Let me take Mom! 54 00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:12,006 Please, I'm telling you, she's dead. 55 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,759 - Get this fucking woman out of-- (GRUNTS) - She's dead. 56 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:15,926 LARRY: Please, leave it here. 57 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:17,928 We don't need that in the wagon, come on. 58 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,722 You know what's really irritating about you? 59 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:20,931 Oh! (CHUCKLES) 60 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,600 You better not bring up my butter churning. 61 00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:24,018 - Really? - Yeah, that's right. 62 00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:26,771 Well, you are the world's worst butter churner! 63 00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:28,939 You couldn't churn butter to save your life. 64 00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:30,608 - How dare you! - ELSBETH: Ha! 65 00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:32,443 Nobody churns butter better than me. 66 00:02:32,444 --> 00:02:34,779 I'm the best churner there is. I go clockwise. 67 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:38,199 And then I pump, I pump, faster, faster, 68 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,325 churn, churn, churn. 69 00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:42,411 Mother said marry him anyway, but his butter's bitter. 70 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,288 It's not bitter butter. It's better butter. 71 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,248 - Bitter butter isn't better. - Bitter butter is better. 72 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:48,167 - Nobody likes your butter. - LARRY: By the way, 73 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:51,003 while we're on the subject, your pigeon is mealy. 74 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,254 - My pigeon? - LARRY: Yeah, your pigeon. 75 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:53,673 - Everybody loves my pigeon. - LARRY: Your pigeon! 76 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,300 Nobody loves your pigeon. And you know what? 77 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,135 That's why people don't come to the house anymore. 78 00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,512 'Cause they can't stand it. 79 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,971 You should see their faces when they're eating. 80 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:02,807 They are wincing. They're nauseous. 81 00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,100 They're sick to their stomachs. 82 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,893 You know why they don't come over here? 83 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,561 Because you're boring. 84 00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,605 That's why you didn't get the invite to the Tea Party... 85 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,815 - Oh, yeah, yeah. - ...with Michael Finney. 86 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:13,442 - Sure, yeah. - He said, "All he does is talk about his work." 87 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,820 Because my work is very interesting. 88 00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:17,822 - That's why. - You build barrels. 89 00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,323 Yeah, barrels are interesting. 90 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,325 Nobody finds barrels interesting. 91 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:22,827 You don't find barrels interesting 92 00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,495 'cause you don't understand barrels. 93 00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,497 Barrels are way too complicated for you. 94 00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:27,665 It's not easy to build a barrel. 95 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:30,459 Really? Just putting some wood in a circle is so hard? 96 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,461 You think it's easy to get wood in a circle? 97 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:33,796 That's how stupid you are. 98 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:35,798 - It's easy to get wood in a circle. - LARRY: That's just how stupid-- 99 00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:39,635 - Easy to get wood in a circle? - It comes from a tree! Which is round! 100 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:42,222 And that's the size of a barrel! 101 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:44,515 Okay, you know what? 102 00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:45,683 I don't have time to argue about this. 103 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,727 Let's forget all this. Come on. We gotta finish packing. 104 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,812 Okay. I'm gonna bring some more scrimshaw. 105 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,690 Yeah, scrimshaw. Good idea. Okay. 106 00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:54,942 Wait, what's that? What do you got there? 107 00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,026 Oh, no, it's nothing. 108 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,737 Well, if it's nothing, why can't I see it? 109 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,280 Well, if it was something, I would let you see it... 110 00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:00,906 - Well, it's-- - ...but it's nothing, so why look at nothing? 111 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,908 - (MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY) - Whether it's nothing or something, I wanna see. 112 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,661 - No, what are you doing? Get your-- - I know, you would be-- 113 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:08,707 (SIGHS) 114 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,668 Why do you have pictures of bare-chested squaws? 115 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:17,673 (CHUCKLES) Okay. It's very, very easy to explain. 116 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:21,177 I'm starting a butter business, and I was gonna put her picture 117 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,720 on the side of the jar. (SCOFFS) 118 00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:24,221 I didn't know she'd be naked. 119 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,682 Why would you have pictures of naked Mashpee Indians 120 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,226 - on the side of your butter? - (SCOFFS) Mashpees? 121 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,353 They happen to be Iroquois. I'm not a savage. 122 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:32,980 What do they got to do with butter? 123 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,106 REVERE: (IN DISTANCE) My mistake. 124 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,567 - What's that? - REVERE: Sorry, guys. I'm sorry. 125 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,527 - ♪ (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - REVERE: The British are not coming. 126 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,112 - They are not coming. - TOWNSPERSON 2: Thank heavens! 127 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,239 - What? - That was my mistake. I'm sorry, everybody. 128 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,824 What? What are you talking about? 129 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,826 - ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ - They're not headed here. They're heading to Concord. 130 00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,162 Concord? What was all that before? 131 00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,246 You raced down the hill earlier 132 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,831 - screaming at the top of your lungs... - I-- 133 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,792 "They're coming, they're coming, they're coming, they're coming." 134 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,460 This is what I heard. This is what I was told. 135 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,170 Who told you the British were coming? 136 00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,088 - Some guys. - Who are they? 137 00:04:58,089 --> 00:04:59,256 They're some cool guys. 138 00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:00,800 They're like, "Oh, I-- I heard the British are coming." 139 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,218 They're like, "Yeah, yeah, I heard that too. 140 00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,886 We should let people know," and I overheard them, 141 00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,471 I was like, "Hey, you know, let me tell people." 142 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,889 Like, "I'd love to get involved somehow," 143 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,724 - and they're like, "All right. Oh, you got it, Paul." - (LARRY SIGHS) 144 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:11,310 - "You can do this." - So guys you know say the British are coming, 145 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,604 and you volunteer to ride throughout the town 146 00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:15,272 and tell everybody, is that how this went? 147 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:16,941 Yeah, well, they're-- I mean, they're pretty cool guys. 148 00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:18,943 Well, maybe you should have ridden down the hill screaming, 149 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,320 - "The British might be coming." - They are coming. 150 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,072 It's not like they're not com-- They're just not coming here. 151 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,573 Are you gonna tell them they made a mistake? 152 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,033 - No. - Why not? 153 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,160 These are, like, cool guys. I'm not gonna say, like, 154 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,286 "Hey, you guys made a mistake. 155 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,330 The British weren't coming exactly there." 156 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,832 (HESITATES) They're not gonna want to hang. 157 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,333 They're not gonna hang with me ever. 158 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,085 - Oh, Revere. - What? 159 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,837 You know what you fucking did for me here tonight? 160 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,839 - I don't-- What-- - You really screwed me big-time. 161 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,715 Thank you. Great job, Revere. 162 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,718 I apologize, but I'm not in charge of your life, sir. 163 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:45,886 ♪ (SOFT WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 164 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,430 REVERE: So the British are not coming. 165 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,307 - Sorry about that, everybody. - (SCOFFS) 166 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,685 REVERE: That was-- That's-- That's my mistake! 167 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,313 The British are not coming! 168 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,317 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 169 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,195 Funny story. 170 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:07,408 Funny story. This... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 171 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:10,160 This Revere guy, what a whack job. 172 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:15,082 This guy's cuckoo. As it turns out... (GASPS) 173 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,501 ...the British aren't coming. Can you believe it? 174 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:19,003 - (SIGHS) - LARRY: They're not coming. 175 00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:21,130 Yeah, yeah, yeah. All this is... 176 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:23,132 Yeah, yeah. 177 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:26,468 So, uh, you know, we can, uh, unpack 178 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:30,307 and resume our wonderful lives here, and... 179 00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:32,559 Anyway, what's for dinner? 180 00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:34,894 Hoping it's pigeon! 181 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,353 - (METALLIC CLANG) - (LARRY GROANS LOUDLY) 182 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:39,691 ♪ (LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 183 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:49,325 - ♪ (BROODING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - JACKSON: The Texas Revolution was a rebellion 184 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:52,369 - by American settlers against Mexico's government. - (GUNSHOTS, INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 185 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:57,333 JACKSON: On February 23rd, 1836, Davy Crockett, James Bowie, 186 00:06:57,334 --> 00:07:00,920 and a small garrison of about 200 Texan volunteers 187 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,380 were besieged by a Mexican army force 188 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,424 of two to three thousand soldiers... 189 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,718 - (HORSE NEIGHS) - ...under General Santa Anna 190 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:11,180 in what became known as the Battle of the Alamo. 191 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,599 - (SWORDS CLASHING) - JACKSON: All the defenders were killed, 192 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,309 and outnumbered ten-to-one, 193 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:18,228 - they had little to no chance of victory. - (FLAMES CRACKLING) 194 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:21,148 JACKSON: But aside from that, there may have been 195 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:24,443 a very different reason the Alamo failed. 196 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:28,573 - ♪ (BROODING WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 197 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,537 Our first order of business is going to be 198 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,623 - to fortify this east wall. - Oh, yeah, the east wall. 199 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,583 - Right? We need-- - Yeah. It needs fortification. 200 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:42,461 Absolutely. Colonel Travis has asked that we take all the ammunitions 201 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,422 - and put them in the main plaza area. - (GROANS) Travis? 202 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,341 - I know. - He thinks he's such the big boss. 203 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,592 It's like we're doing all the work. 204 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:52,096 They're in their room all day barking out orders to people. 205 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,222 They don't do shit. 206 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,473 I don't know what they're doing in there. 207 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,350 - You're doing all the work. - I'm do-- Look at me! 208 00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:57,935 - Hey, let me ask you something. - Yeah, yeah. 209 00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,186 You know, there's no outhouse here. 210 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,270 You got a... You got a good spot? 211 00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:03,023 I mean, I got a spot, but I don't love it. 212 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,733 It's out by the pecan trees. 213 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:08,028 I go through the cactus patch, usually this tree right here. 214 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,446 Oh, yeah, yeah, I scouted that. 215 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:11,448 - Wait a minute, you got a spot? - I got a pretty good spot. 216 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,283 - Well, whereabouts? - Ah... Yeah. 217 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:15,119 So, just tell me just the general vicinity 218 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,745 - of the spot. - This is all I'm gonna tell you. 219 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,539 And don't ask me anything else. I'm not gonna tell you. 220 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,332 It's on the north side, 221 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,126 somewhere out-- No, you're not gonna find it. 222 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,544 Is it north of the cactus wastelands? 223 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,379 - No, don't ask. Forget it. We're done. - Sure, sure. 224 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,506 I'll just tell you this. You couldn't find 225 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:28,632 a better spot than this. 226 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,134 - Really? - It is fantastic. 227 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:31,552 DAVY CROCKETT: Is it by the fork of the river? 228 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,554 I know that the grass there's a little more plush. 229 00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:34,680 All right, I'm done with it. 230 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,016 You're not gonna share your defecation spot? 231 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,059 - Davy, you know how I feel about you. - I do. 232 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,186 But you're never gonna find out where that spot is. 233 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,273 - You're not gonna tell me about the spot? - I'm not gonna tell you about 234 00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:46,066 - the defecation spot, Davy. - Come on. 235 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,818 - You're never gonna find out. - Larry, come on, man! 236 00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:50,154 - No! - I'm defecating over here 237 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:51,280 in what may as well be 238 00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:54,159 the sixth level of Dante's Inferno. 239 00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:57,536 And m-- What? 240 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,496 - May I ask you a question? - By all means, yeah. 241 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:02,499 I just realized I have never seen you 242 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,834 without that cap on. 243 00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:04,877 - Oh, this cap? - Yeah. 244 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,128 You've never seen me with the cap off? 245 00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:08,297 - Not once. - I like the cap a lot. It suits me. 246 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,215 I've known you, what, eight months? Nine months? 247 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,134 - Yeah. - You never take it off. 248 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,094 - I mean, I've had it off. I've definitely taken it off. - Really? 249 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,262 I mean, maybe you've never seen it off. 250 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:16,430 Sometimes, I take it off at night. 251 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:17,890 - Sometimes-- - I don't think anyone's ever seen it off. 252 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,600 I've spoken to some people about it. 253 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,769 - What is it? It's a raccoon? - Raccoon, definitely, yeah. 254 00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:23,270 Disgusting scavenger animal. 255 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,438 How could you wear that on your head? 256 00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,522 You say disgusting. 257 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,648 - Yeah. - I say resourceful. 258 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:29,109 - They're garbage eaters. - Here's the thing about the hat. 259 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:31,570 - It just really ties the entire outfit together. - Yeah. 260 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,405 'Cause even that day that we went swimming 261 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,532 in the Rio Grande, you had the cap on. 262 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:36,784 I don't like getting too much sun. 263 00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,911 The point is that it... 264 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:41,371 it looks as if you're hiding something. 265 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:42,706 - I'm not hiding anything. - Really? 266 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,666 - There's nothing to hide. - Can I tell you a little story? 267 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,543 - Okay. - I met this woman one day in the park. 268 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,587 - Mm-hmm. - I had my hat on. I made a very good impression. 269 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,713 I saw her the next day. 270 00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,298 - I didn't have the cap on. - Mm-hmm. 271 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:55,260 She saw this, and she was quite disappointed. 272 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,513 - I guess what I'm saying, Davy, is... - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 273 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,765 ...she thought I had deceived her in some way 274 00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,351 - by wearing the cap. - Larry, I don't like what you're insinuating. 275 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:05,020 - No, I'm an open book. - What's under that cap, Davy? 276 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,022 - A head. - And what's on top of the head? 277 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,565 - Hair. - I'd like to see it. 278 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:09,691 This is my look. 279 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:10,776 - Do you understand? - Mm, yeah. 280 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,402 - This thing, the fringe. - Yeah, I get it. Yeah. 281 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,154 I killed a bear when I was three. 282 00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:15,697 - That's part of it, you know? - All right, okay. 283 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:18,492 Stop this bullshit bear story when you were three. 284 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:19,827 - I'm not buying that. - It's not bullshit. 285 00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:21,578 - You didn't kill a bear when you were three. - Larry. I killed a-- 286 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,830 Give me a break, okay? 287 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,332 - I'm not buying that at all. - I was three and a half. 288 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,750 - Let's round it down. - Oh, okay. 289 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,085 - Yeah. - I literally killed a bear. 290 00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:29,628 Yeah, 'cause he was already dead, I bet. 291 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,964 He was not dead. He was dying. 292 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,715 I didn't say it wasn't a mercy killing. 293 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,509 - I just said I killed a bear. - LARRY: Okay, fine. 294 00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:37,344 You "killed" the bear when you were three, 295 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,680 - and you're not bald. - There is hair 296 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,098 underneath this hat. 297 00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,516 Let's see the hair, Davy. 298 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,518 - You want to see what's under the hat? - I do, yeah. 299 00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:46,937 Just did it. I'm known for my quickness. 300 00:10:46,938 --> 00:10:48,272 - What? (GRUNTS) - ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 301 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,439 Easy, Davy. 302 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,567 I will gut you and I will wear you 303 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,903 - as my next hat. - Easy, Davy. 304 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:55,947 Easy, Davy. 305 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:59,617 You are not bald. You're not bald. 306 00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,123 Glad that we got that straight. 307 00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,875 - Sir. - ♪ (SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 308 00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,918 - Mexican army's on its way. - How many? 309 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,212 At least 2,000. Maybe more. 310 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,089 (SIGHS) Two thousand. 311 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:18,051 Here we are, 200 Texans, outnumbered ten-to-one. 312 00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:21,180 You tell Colonel Travis that we will fight 313 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,682 - to the last man. - TEXAN SOLDIER: Yes, sir. 314 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,475 - (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) - (HORSE NEIGHS) 315 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:26,977 - ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ - What? So what was that? 316 00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:29,855 I said we're gonna fight to the last man. 317 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,440 I thought that's what you said. 318 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:33,567 - Is that wise? - We're here. 319 00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:35,319 We have to defend the Alamo. 320 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:39,156 If we're all gonna die, what's the point? 321 00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:42,201 Why not just hang up the white flag 322 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,327 and go home? 323 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:44,786 Well, then we'd be seen as cowards. 324 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:49,208 - Who gives a fuck? - We should die here with honor! 325 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,544 Now I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna inspire the men. 326 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:55,964 ♪ (DRAMATIC WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 327 00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:57,050 (DOOR OPENS) 328 00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,010 TEXAN SOLDIER 1: Come on, light 'em up! 329 00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:01,929 - (GRUNTS) Whoa! - ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 330 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,513 - I'm sorry. - (TEXAN SOLDIERS GASPING) 331 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:06,351 - (GASPS) - ♪ (TENSE WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 332 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,853 - He's bald underneath. - Mm, mm, mm. 333 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,563 - TEXAN SOLDIER 2: Jesus. - (GASPS) 334 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,814 TEXAN SOLDIER 3: A shiny head. 335 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:15,902 TEXAN SOLDIER 4: No kidding, look at him. Not a hair at all. 336 00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,198 MEXICAN SCOUT: Hmm? 337 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,950 (IN SPANISH) 338 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,626 TEXAN SOLDIER 5: (IN ENGLISH) That's why he never took his hat off. 339 00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,711 - TEXAN SOLDIER 6: Really bald. - TEXAN SOLDIER 7: Oh! 340 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,922 - ♪ (DRAMATIC WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - (HORSE NEIGHS) 341 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,132 (IN SPANISH) 342 00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:44,888 (SIGHS) 343 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,891 - (MEXICAN SOLDIERS MURMURING) - MEXICAN SCOUT: (SHOUTS) 344 00:12:57,443 --> 00:13:00,571 - SANTA ANNA: - (SPEAKING SPANISH INDISTINCTLY) 345 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:02,740 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 346 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,750 (PANTS) 347 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,047 (MEXICAN SOLDIERS MURMURING) 348 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,597 (MEXICAN SOLDIERS LAUGHING) 349 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,059 ♪ (EPIC WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 350 00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:36,899 (MEXICAN SOLDIERS SHOUTING) 351 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,776 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 352 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,780 ♪ (LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 353 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,079 JACKSON: (IN ENGLISH) Can you believe 354 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,040 - it wasn't until 1920... - ♪ (SOMBER BRASS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 355 00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:54,791 ...that women in the United States 356 00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:56,084 won the right to vote? 357 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,295 The passage of the 19th Amendment 358 00:13:58,296 --> 00:14:00,547 was the culmination of decades of struggle 359 00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:03,008 by suffragettes like Susan B. Anthony. 360 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:06,678 In 1869, along with Elizabeth Cady Stanton, 361 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,431 she founded the Women's Suffrage Association, 362 00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:11,350 fighting for the rights of women to vote, 363 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,226 hold property, and have equal access 364 00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,519 - to education. - (CHEERING) 365 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:18,315 JACKSON: Susan B. Anthony faced constant ridicule and misogyny, 366 00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:19,983 but she never wavered in her devotion 367 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,902 to the cause of equal rights. 368 00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:25,322 Friend or foe, Susan B. Anthony advocated 369 00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:27,657 for everyone to have a seat at the table, 370 00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:30,494 but there were some she wished she wasn't seated next to. 371 00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:31,745 - ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 372 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:35,999 How lovely to have you all here at our dinner table. 373 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,834 Thank you all so much for coming. 374 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,044 It means the world to me. 375 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,879 - Susan, thank you. - GUEST 1: Yes. 376 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,255 Thank you for inviting us. 377 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:43,799 - Oh, Alfred. - HERBERT: Looks wonderful. 378 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,009 - Thank you so much for having us. - Oh, thank you, Herbert. 379 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,345 - Thank you, Aunt Susan. - Of course, of course. 380 00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:50,013 - EDITH: Absolutely. - ALFRED: Very kind. 381 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:52,308 - GUEST 2: Indeed. - (GUEST CLEARS THROAT) 382 00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:55,310 What? 383 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,521 I said thank you for coming. You're supposed to reciprocate. 384 00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,689 It's an interesting point you raise. 385 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:02,692 Sort of an unnecessary reciprocation, really, 386 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,277 if you think about it... 387 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:06,154 - SUSAN B. ANTHONY: Really? - ...because you really weren't the one who invited me. 388 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,989 Your beautiful sister Edith did. 389 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,991 Who I'm courting, is that the right word? 390 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,202 - Yes. (GIGGLES) - Yeah. Who I'm courting. 391 00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,954 She invited me, so I'll tell you what I'll do, 392 00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,038 - Susie-- - Susan. 393 00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,540 Susan, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. 394 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,708 In as much as she's the one who invited me, 395 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,378 I'm gonna give her 90 percent of the thank you. 396 00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:22,712 Watch my 90 percent. 397 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,423 Thank you so much for inviting me. 398 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,674 You're welcome. 399 00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:27,718 And you, I'm gonna give ten percent. 400 00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,554 - Thank you. - Yeah, that was great. 401 00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,222 - That's equitable. - Good adjustment. 402 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,433 - Well, let's enjoy our meal. - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 403 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:38,437 The asparagus in the salad was grown in Edith's garden. 404 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,439 - Your sister? - Oh, my gosh! 405 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,232 - (OVERLAPPING CHATTER) - MARTHA: That's amazing. Thank you, Edith. 406 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,692 - CLARA: Thank you, Edith. - How delicious. 407 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,318 She has a way with a vegetable. 408 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,820 I like to help things grow. 409 00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:49,364 (CHUCKLES) Oh, I'll say you sure do. 410 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,117 (GUESTS LAUGHING) 411 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,994 Mm. You don't seem to be eating, Lawrence. 412 00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:56,329 - Something wrong? - Eh, yeah. 413 00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:58,457 Not that hungry. Had a late lunch. 414 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,167 - Yeah, what time? - 4:00. 415 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,376 - 4:00? - Yeah. 416 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,711 Why are you eating at four o'clock 417 00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:04,212 when you know you're coming to a dinner party? 418 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,964 I'll tell you why. I was too hungry and, you know, 419 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,133 - I'm very frail. - Yes, he was famished. 420 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,843 Well, I think you could have just had a snack, 421 00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:12,846 - a cracker, or something. - Yes, Susie, that was the idea-- 422 00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,890 - Susan! - Yes, Susan, that was the idea. 423 00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,433 There were no crackers in the house. 424 00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:18,351 Everybody has a cracker in the house. 425 00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,936 - LAWRENCE: You have crackers in your house? - Of course. 426 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,605 And I usually do have a cracker. 427 00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:22,606 Didn't have the cracker. 428 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:24,566 The cracker is paramount to the snack. 429 00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:27,235 - And so I made a sandwich. - A sandwich? 430 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,904 You know, it had some grilled onions on the top and... 431 00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:30,238 No, he loves grilled onions. 432 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,032 LAWRENCE: I cut it into four parts, quarters. 433 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,283 I was just gonna have a quarter, 434 00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:34,576 and one-quarter became two-quarters, 435 00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:36,828 - and three-quarters. - Oh, I've been there. 436 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,246 - I've been there. - Yeah, sorry. 437 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:41,124 You seem to be a man with very little self-control. 438 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:42,751 Well, let me tell you something, okay? 439 00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:44,711 Every minute that I am around this woman 440 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:45,837 without touching her, 441 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,298 I am exhibiting great self-control. 442 00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:49,716 (GUESTS LAUGHING) 443 00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,510 So you're not gonna eat anything here tonight? 444 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,969 Doesn't seem like it, no. 445 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,429 Why'd you even come if you're not gonna eat? 446 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:57,307 - Oh! (CHUCKLES) - Well, first of all, you are not gonna regret 447 00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:59,309 my presence here. Am I an addition here? 448 00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,852 - A total addition. - Yeah, you'll see. 449 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,521 You don't come across a personality like this 450 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,648 - every day, you know? - Oh, that's for sure. 451 00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,983 I have a lot to offer other than just eating a meal. 452 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,818 How is everybody else's meal? Emily? 453 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,237 - It's delicious, Susan. - Oh, yes. 454 00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:11,821 - Thank you, Martha, my love. - CLARA: Yes, it is. 455 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:13,990 - (OVERLAPPING CHATTER) - Look at this little fork. (MUTTERS) 456 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,910 - What's the idea behind this? - It's a salad fork, Lawrence. 457 00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:18,828 Why does this fork have to be smaller 458 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,455 than the fork that you eat your main course with? 459 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:23,416 Why do we eat with plates? Why do we have knives? 460 00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:25,919 Why do we have glasses? It's the way it's done. 461 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,671 Some things are there just out of custom 462 00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,339 and don't necessarily make any common sense. 463 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:32,259 Ah, my point about suffrage exactly. 464 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,010 Sometimes things have to change. 465 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,220 - Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. - Yes. Yes. 466 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,847 You know what? How's this for a theory, okay? 467 00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,183 We should be eating the salad with the big fork, 468 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,561 so we'll eat healthier and eat more salad. 469 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,437 The small fork should be for the main course, 470 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,481 - so you eat less, you eat less. - (GUESTS CHUCKLING) 471 00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:49,150 - Oh, you see the switch I just did there? - Such an innovation. 472 00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,860 - You are so smart. - HERBERT: Really brilliant! 473 00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:53,029 - Huh? What? Huh? Oh! - (GUESTS CHEERING, CHUCKLING) 474 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,906 - He does make a good point because... - LAWRENCE: Okay. 475 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,576 ...if you look at the knives, they're the same size. 476 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,744 - Identical. - Yes, identical. 477 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,038 Who else is gonna suggest a fork switch? 478 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,040 - Nobody. - It's like dining with a scientist. 479 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,041 Yep, I'm an addition. 480 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,835 Where else are you gonna get comments like that? 481 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,962 - Not from these two stiffs, I can tell you that. - (CHUCKLES) 482 00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:11,047 I would've never thought of something like that. 483 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:12,924 These gentlemen who you're referring to 484 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,968 happen to be upstanding citizens. 485 00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,637 Alfred here is the largest mill owner 486 00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:18,722 in western New York. 487 00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:22,267 We employ over 120 children. 488 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:23,852 - Can we make a toast? - Yes! 489 00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:25,061 - Yeah. - SUSAN: Toast, Edith? 490 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,605 Yeah. Where's the wine, by the way? 491 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:27,814 SUSAN: We toast with water. 492 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,357 - This is water? - I'm a teetotaler. 493 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,567 You know, if we had a little wine, 494 00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:31,818 people would loosen up a bit. 495 00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,528 - SUSAN: We practice temperance here. - Yes. 496 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,864 - Yeah. - We feel, in the temperance movement... 497 00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:38,491 - Oh, the temperance, the temperance, the temperance. - ...that alcohol 498 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,577 - is an evil that needs to be eradicated. - (MUMBLES MOCKINGLY) 499 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,329 We live a life of purpose. 500 00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:43,997 You look like you're having a blast. 501 00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,333 I am having a blast. Oh, yes, I am. 502 00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:47,667 I'm having a great time. 503 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,252 You see how unfair this is, though? 504 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,171 I mean, just 'cause you don't like to swim, 505 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,589 nobody else can go in the water? 506 00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:54,007 My house, my rules. 507 00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:56,217 But there will be port after dinner? 508 00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,386 - No port, Herbert. - So no sherry, either? 509 00:18:58,387 --> 00:18:59,387 - GUEST 3: No. - Temperance. 510 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,473 - Ah. - We feel in this household... 511 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,308 - Uh-huh. - ...that it's an evil. 512 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,435 - You must see it at the mill. - It is a problem. 513 00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:06,770 The children drink at the mill, too. 514 00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:07,854 And they cry a lot. 515 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:10,607 Are you for children drinking at the mill, Lawrence? 516 00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,400 You know, I dislike children so much, 517 00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:15,153 it really doesn't bother me what they do. 518 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,279 - Susan. - Yes, darling? 519 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,491 We haven't remarked on the new invention 520 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,117 that you just had installed, 521 00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:22,744 - electricity. - Oh! 522 00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:25,497 - These lanterns and chandeliers, how beautiful. - (GUESTS GASPING) 523 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,539 I don't know about that. 524 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,124 There's something about the candle glow 525 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:29,334 that I still appreciate. 526 00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:32,253 I'm more of a beef tallow and wax man myself. 527 00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:35,048 - Well, I believe in progress. - That's right, and it's safer. 528 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:37,717 - Safer than wax and flame? - Damn right. 529 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:39,427 - What's your name again? - Herbert. 530 00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:42,389 Herbert, okay. I wanted to remember 531 00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:45,141 by the off chance we ever run into each other again, 532 00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:47,852 because it won't be a planned meeting. 533 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,896 (GUESTS LAUGHING) 534 00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:51,815 What are you getting at, sir? 535 00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:53,525 LAWRENCE: Well, I gotta say, this electricity 536 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,443 is the greatest thing that's ever happened. 537 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,195 I gotta get one of these. Who's your electric guy? 538 00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:00,615 Oh, um... Uh, I... I don't remember. 539 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,992 - Oh, really? You don't remember? Ah. - Eh, eh, eh. Eh. 540 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,994 Ah. Ah, really? 541 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:06,329 Truly, you don't remember? 542 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,707 Edith, I need to speak to you about the sauces. 543 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,334 - Please meet me in the kitchen. - Okay, excuse us. 544 00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:12,585 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 545 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:13,712 - Look at this woman. - Yeah. 546 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,171 Will you look at this woman? 547 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:17,424 - Lovely. - Have you ever seen beauty like this in your life? 548 00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,175 - She's wonderful. - Hard to believe 549 00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:21,845 that these two came from the same womb. 550 00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:23,471 One of them has to have been adopted. 551 00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:25,265 - I need a drink. - LAWRENCE: Oh, do you? 552 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:27,350 - GUEST 4: Most definitely. - Oh! 553 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:29,018 - GUEST 5: Oh, my! - Oh, you rascal. 554 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:31,938 - Oh, Lawrence! - (LAUGHS) 555 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,064 What is the matter with you 556 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,691 bringing this moron into the house? 557 00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:37,402 I like him so much, Susan. You're being so hard on him. 558 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:38,695 I am not being hard on him. 559 00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:39,738 There's something wrong with him. 560 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:40,905 He's so clever. 561 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,198 The little fork thing was genius. 562 00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:44,576 Oh, please. He's worse than that circus performer 563 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,785 you brought home that time. 564 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:48,121 I told you to keep Carl the Sword Swallower's name 565 00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:50,206 - out of your mouth. - You're right. You're right. I went too far. 566 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,876 Lawrence had a point. I did invite him. 567 00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,294 He should have thanked me, not you. 568 00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:56,212 (SIGHS HEAVILY) All right. 569 00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:59,382 I'm gonna try to be accepting, I'm gonna try to be tolerant 570 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:01,718 - for your sake because I love you. - Thank you. Thank you, Susan. 571 00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:03,219 - What am I gonna do with you? - (SCOFFS) 572 00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:04,763 ALFRED: To my new favorite dinner guest. 573 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:07,599 What the hell do you think you're doing? 574 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,142 - Uh... (COUGHS) - Is that alcohol? 575 00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:12,353 - No, it's, uh, saltpeter. - Saltpeter, my ass. 576 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,481 It helps curb my sexual appetite. 577 00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:17,317 - Otherwise, uh, the poor woman, I'd fear for her. - (CHUCKLES) 578 00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:20,737 - Mm-hmm. Edith! - Sorry, Susan. 579 00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:22,655 You're a very bad influence, Lawrence. 580 00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:24,824 We're all not as perfect as you, Susan. 581 00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:25,909 Does the same for a woman. 582 00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:27,577 You can imagine the attraction here. 583 00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:30,538 All right, uh, let's move on. I don't need this image here. 584 00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:32,916 Susan, are you ready for your big meeting 585 00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:35,627 - with Congress? - I am so excited. 586 00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:37,962 - Oh! - We have drafted an amendment 587 00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:39,589 we're presenting to Congress 588 00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:41,508 for women to have the right to vote. 589 00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:43,259 - Here, here! - (GUESTS CHEERING, APPLAUDING) 590 00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:45,553 (LAUGHS HEARTILY) 591 00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:47,972 Did you hear her? Are you listening to this? 592 00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,349 - Yes. - That's a good one. 593 00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:50,433 - That's funny. - ALFRED: Yeah. 594 00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:52,936 - And what's so funny about it? - You can't be serious. 595 00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:54,270 I am very serious. 596 00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,231 I've spent my life working towards this. 597 00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:59,734 - This is a sad day indeed. - It's absurd on the surface. 598 00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:01,152 Women can't vote. 599 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:03,112 Why shouldn't women have the right to vote? 600 00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:05,824 We're doing you a favor by not allowing you to vote. 601 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:09,285 Men and women are created equal under God. 602 00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:12,121 - Yes! - We need to have equal rights. 603 00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:14,165 - Oh, come on, Susie. - Susan. 604 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,500 Come on, Susan. 605 00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,418 Why shouldn't women have the right to vote? 606 00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:19,087 - Exactly, Lawrence, why? - Yeah. Why? 607 00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:22,257 - I think I have an idea. Huh. Got an idea. - (SMACKS TABLE) 608 00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:24,509 I would posit this regarding a woman's right to vote. 609 00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:28,555 I think if a woman is attractive and capable of landing a man, 610 00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:30,348 she should not be able to vote. 611 00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:33,101 - Mm. - A beautiful woman, like Edith, she should be home, 612 00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:35,019 - cooking, taking care of the children. - Yes. 613 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:38,314 But others who have no appeal whatsoever 614 00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:42,235 to the opposite sex, viragos, harridans, witches, 615 00:22:42,236 --> 00:22:45,321 spinsters, those women should be able to vote. 616 00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,782 - This is a good compromise. - That seems reasonable. 617 00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:49,492 Who is making this determination? 618 00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:51,995 - I'm happy to step up and do it. - And why you? 619 00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:54,497 - Really, any man could do it. - Any man with vision. 620 00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:56,583 For example, Edith. 621 00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:59,836 I'm terribly sorry, but, my darling, you cannot vote. 622 00:22:59,837 --> 00:23:03,381 - (SIGHS) Thank you. - Eleanor, you can't vote either. 623 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,508 - Martha, no vote for you. - What? 624 00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:08,177 - HERBERT: Too lovely. - LAWRENCE: Clara, so sorry. 625 00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:09,596 And you, Susan. 626 00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:13,349 - You, uh... You can vote. - What? Because what? 627 00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:16,352 You know, because, uh... Yeah. You know. 628 00:23:16,353 --> 00:23:17,562 Thank you, Lawrence, for your permission, 629 00:23:17,563 --> 00:23:18,771 but I don't need it. 630 00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:20,982 Elizabeth Cady Stanton and I have drafted the amendment... 631 00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:23,610 - Mm-hmm. - ...and hopefully most men in Congress 632 00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:25,612 do not feel the way that you do, Lawrence. 633 00:23:25,613 --> 00:23:27,363 Mm. I notice you spend a lot of time 634 00:23:27,364 --> 00:23:29,365 with this, uh, Elizabeth Cady Stanton. 635 00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:30,867 Oh, yeah. We're very, very close. 636 00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:32,076 We've been working together for years. 637 00:23:32,077 --> 00:23:34,245 Yes, you're very close. 638 00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:35,872 Yeah, she helped me write the amendment. 639 00:23:35,873 --> 00:23:40,084 One might say very, very close. 640 00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:42,003 - HERBERT: Ooh. - You know, I'm starting to feel 641 00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:45,048 that maybe it's time for you to leave, Lawrence. 642 00:23:45,049 --> 00:23:47,091 - I think we should take a vote. - SUSAN: Let's take a vote. 643 00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:49,886 Who thinks it's time for Lawrence to leave? 644 00:23:49,887 --> 00:23:52,055 No, no, no. Just the men can vote, of course. 645 00:23:52,056 --> 00:23:54,891 Edith, forgive me, but I think 646 00:23:54,892 --> 00:23:57,727 - you should get the fuck out of my house, Lawrence. - (GUESTS GASPING) 647 00:23:57,728 --> 00:23:59,562 You know, you ate before you came, 648 00:23:59,563 --> 00:24:01,773 you don't like the forks, you don't like the food, 649 00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:03,107 you drink at my table, 650 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:04,776 and now you don't want us to vote. 651 00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:07,278 In this house, women have the right to vote. 652 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:08,404 - (GUESTS MURMURING) - Get the fuck out! 653 00:24:08,405 --> 00:24:10,823 - What? You're kicking me out? - Get the fuck out! 654 00:24:10,824 --> 00:24:14,243 Fine. I'm leaving, Susie. Come on, Edith. Let's go. 655 00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:16,871 I'm sorry, Lawrence. She's my sister. 656 00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:18,331 Now get the fuck out! 657 00:24:18,332 --> 00:24:20,501 - (GUESTS MURMURING) - Okay. 658 00:24:22,086 --> 00:24:24,420 Maybe now we can have a nice dinner. 659 00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:27,006 - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - (SIGHS) So... Oh, here he comes. 660 00:24:27,007 --> 00:24:29,008 And one more thing, Susan B. Anthony. 661 00:24:29,009 --> 00:24:31,470 You don't have to tell me what the B stands for. 662 00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:34,180 And little fork you. 663 00:24:34,181 --> 00:24:36,140 - Little fork you. - Out! 664 00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:39,269 ♪ (LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 665 00:24:45,776 --> 00:24:48,611 - (ROCKET ENGINE ROARING) - JACKSON: On July 20th, 1969, 666 00:24:48,612 --> 00:24:51,280 Neil Armstrong and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin 667 00:24:51,281 --> 00:24:52,573 became the first men 668 00:24:52,574 --> 00:24:53,950 - to walk on the moon. - ♪ (LIGHT HOPEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 669 00:24:53,951 --> 00:24:57,286 JACKSON: Armstrong went first, uttering the famous words, 670 00:24:57,287 --> 00:24:59,205 "That's one small step 671 00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:00,623 - for a man... - (NEIL ARMSTRONG RECORDING PLAYS) 672 00:25:00,624 --> 00:25:03,710 ...one giant leap for mankind." 673 00:25:03,711 --> 00:25:07,046 It was a crowning achievement in human exploration, 674 00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:09,340 made even more remarkable when you consider 675 00:25:09,341 --> 00:25:12,135 they were hurtling through space for four days 676 00:25:12,136 --> 00:25:13,469 in a tiny metal capsule 677 00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:17,724 controlled by a NASA computer a million times less powerful 678 00:25:17,725 --> 00:25:19,559 - than your smartphone. - (HOUSTON DIRECTOR SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) 679 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,477 JACKSON: Throughout the journey, Neil and Buzz 680 00:25:21,478 --> 00:25:25,314 were in constant communication with Mission Control in Houston, 681 00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:28,067 and new tapes have recently been released 682 00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:31,320 that show their voyage in a different light. 683 00:25:31,321 --> 00:25:32,613 - (STATIC CRACKLES) - (COMPUTER BEEPING) 684 00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:34,657 HOUSTON DIRECTOR: (OVER COMMS) Altitude now 21,000 feet. 685 00:25:34,658 --> 00:25:36,659 Still looking very good. 686 00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:38,202 - ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ - Houston... (SIGHS) 687 00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:40,038 ...give us a reading on the 1202 alarm. 688 00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:41,664 HOUSTON DIRECTOR: Okay, that looks good there, Neil. 689 00:25:41,665 --> 00:25:43,416 Altitude now 21,000 feet. 690 00:25:43,417 --> 00:25:45,084 You're looking good to us, Eagle. 691 00:25:45,085 --> 00:25:47,170 Roger that. 692 00:25:47,171 --> 00:25:50,089 Hey, what'd you get the launch guys for a gift? 693 00:25:50,090 --> 00:25:51,340 Huh? 694 00:25:51,341 --> 00:25:52,717 - What-- - Launch guys for a gift? 695 00:25:52,718 --> 00:25:54,719 - What are you talking about? - I got 'em putters. 696 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,389 You got the launch guys a gift? Are you kidding me? 697 00:25:57,931 --> 00:25:59,599 Why'd you do that? 698 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,350 Well, they're sending us to the moon. 699 00:26:01,351 --> 00:26:02,810 Well, I didn't get them anything. 700 00:26:02,811 --> 00:26:05,354 - It's fine. - No. Uh... 701 00:26:05,355 --> 00:26:08,191 They must think I'm some kind of cheapskate 702 00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:10,401 - or ingrate or something. - Nah, I'm sure they don't think that. 703 00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:13,237 Well, it seems odd to me 704 00:26:13,238 --> 00:26:14,864 that you got them something and I didn't. 705 00:26:14,865 --> 00:26:16,365 I'm sure they're gonna be talking about it. 706 00:26:16,366 --> 00:26:17,992 When you go to somebody's house for dinner, 707 00:26:17,993 --> 00:26:20,536 - do you show up empty-handed? - Yes. 708 00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:22,580 - Well, that's bad. - Why is it bad? 709 00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:23,790 If I have to stop off 710 00:26:23,791 --> 00:26:25,666 to buy something on the way to the dinner, 711 00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:27,668 I don't even want to go to the dinner. Don't even invite me. 712 00:26:27,669 --> 00:26:29,378 All right. I didn't mean anything by it, all right? 713 00:26:29,379 --> 00:26:31,005 It was just a-- It was a nice gesture. 714 00:26:31,006 --> 00:26:32,131 Yeah, exactly. 715 00:26:32,132 --> 00:26:33,966 That's the kind of thing I never think of. 716 00:26:33,967 --> 00:26:36,094 I need somebody to tell me about their gesture 717 00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:37,678 so I can repeat their gesture. 718 00:26:37,679 --> 00:26:40,473 - I never think of gestures. - It was just a little something. 719 00:26:40,474 --> 00:26:43,351 You got the launch guys a gift. (SCOFFS) 720 00:26:43,352 --> 00:26:44,977 - (STATIC CRACKLES) - HOUSTON DIRECTOR: Altitude 4,200. 721 00:26:44,978 --> 00:26:46,854 You're a go for landing, over. 722 00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:48,981 Roger. Go for landing, 4,000 feet. 723 00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:50,358 It wouldn't have killed you to tell me. 724 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,443 - NEIL ARMSTRONG: Sorry. - I don't see how you couldn't have told me. 725 00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:54,153 Well, get 'em a return gift. 726 00:26:54,154 --> 00:26:55,488 - A return gift? - Yeah. 727 00:26:55,489 --> 00:26:56,572 Grab 'em something from the moon. 728 00:26:56,573 --> 00:26:57,740 Bring back a rock. 729 00:26:57,741 --> 00:26:58,908 - A rock? - NEIL: Yeah, get 'em rocks. 730 00:26:58,909 --> 00:27:00,284 What, are you fucking nuts? I'm keeping the rocks 731 00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:01,369 for myself. 732 00:27:01,370 --> 00:27:02,870 You're gonna keep every rock from the moon? 733 00:27:02,871 --> 00:27:05,540 Yeah. I'm gonna be taking a lot of rocks. 734 00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:06,582 Lots of them. 735 00:27:06,583 --> 00:27:07,708 What, are you gonna swallow the rocks? 736 00:27:07,709 --> 00:27:09,710 No, I brought a laundry bag. 737 00:27:09,711 --> 00:27:11,420 You brought a laundry bag for rocks? 738 00:27:11,421 --> 00:27:12,630 That's not very scientific. 739 00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:14,090 I'm gonna put the rocks in the laundry bag. 740 00:27:14,091 --> 00:27:15,716 These are moon rocks, you dodo. 741 00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:18,010 - They haven't been tested. - BUZZ ALDRIN: Hey, listen. 742 00:27:18,011 --> 00:27:19,637 We can make millions of dollars from these rocks. 743 00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:20,763 Get smart, will you? 744 00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:23,099 You can make millions of dollars in speaking engagements. 745 00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:24,517 You don't need to bring back a bunch of rocks 746 00:27:24,518 --> 00:27:26,060 from the moon and just give them out 747 00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:27,436 - or sell them. - Okay. 748 00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:29,605 You better not say a fucking thing. 749 00:27:29,606 --> 00:27:32,358 I apologize. I did not mean to make you upset. 750 00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:34,652 - I don't know what to tell you. - Well, it pisses me off. 751 00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:36,696 - I mean-- - All right, let's forget it. Let's forget it. 752 00:27:36,697 --> 00:27:38,156 Yeah. Can we just take a second? 753 00:27:38,157 --> 00:27:40,158 We're about to land on the moon. I mean, come on. 754 00:27:40,159 --> 00:27:43,035 (IN UNISON) We're landing on the moon! 755 00:27:43,036 --> 00:27:44,745 NEIL: We are landing on the moon! 756 00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:46,455 HOUSTON DIRECTOR: Roger, understand go for landing, 757 00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:48,000 - three thousand feet. - Roger. 758 00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:50,835 Descending 3,000 feet, over. 759 00:27:50,836 --> 00:27:51,961 HOUSTON DIRECTOR: Good radar data. 760 00:27:51,962 --> 00:27:54,381 We're now on approach phase. Everything looking good. 761 00:27:54,882 --> 00:27:56,591 Hey, by the way, 762 00:27:56,592 --> 00:27:58,301 I think I came up with a pretty good line 763 00:27:58,302 --> 00:28:01,804 for when I step on the moon for the first time. All right? 764 00:28:01,805 --> 00:28:03,306 What? What do you mean? 765 00:28:03,307 --> 00:28:05,016 Well, I'm gonna be the first man to ever step on the moon. 766 00:28:05,017 --> 00:28:06,475 I gotta say something profound, 767 00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:07,935 something with some real gravitas, 768 00:28:07,936 --> 00:28:09,478 and I think I... I thought of something. 769 00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:11,147 Who said you're taking the first step? 770 00:28:11,148 --> 00:28:12,983 - They did. - Who's they? 771 00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:15,568 NASA, the launch guys. 772 00:28:15,569 --> 00:28:17,904 Oh, so now you get to step on the moon first? 773 00:28:17,905 --> 00:28:19,197 Nobody told me about this. 774 00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:21,199 They told me. They didn't tell you? 775 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,491 No, no, they didn't. 776 00:28:22,492 --> 00:28:24,827 NEIL: Anyway, so what do you think of this? 777 00:28:24,828 --> 00:28:27,496 "That's one small step for a man, 778 00:28:27,497 --> 00:28:29,624 one giant leap for mankind." 779 00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:32,710 That stinks. (CHUCKLES) Boy, does that stink. 780 00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:34,128 - That's terrible. - What are you talking about? 781 00:28:34,129 --> 00:28:35,129 BUZZ: That is so trite. 782 00:28:35,130 --> 00:28:37,548 I could've come up with a much better line 783 00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:40,259 than that boring "one small step for a man." 784 00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:41,552 - You can do better? - (BUZZ SCOFFS) 785 00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:43,930 - NEIL: What do you got? - I can do better in my sleep. 786 00:28:43,931 --> 00:28:46,558 Give me a line then, if that one's no good. 787 00:28:48,101 --> 00:28:49,685 "Fly me to the moon 788 00:28:49,686 --> 00:28:53,607 and let me play among the stars." 789 00:28:54,358 --> 00:28:55,733 Like the song? 790 00:28:55,734 --> 00:28:56,901 What song? 791 00:28:56,902 --> 00:28:58,694 It's a song called "Fly Me to the Moon." 792 00:28:58,695 --> 00:29:00,279 - "Fly Me to the Moon"? - Sinatra. 793 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,114 - Never heard of it. - You've never heard the song, 794 00:29:02,115 --> 00:29:04,367 but you've quoted the lyrics perfectly? 795 00:29:04,368 --> 00:29:05,701 Why don't you just jump down on the moon 796 00:29:05,702 --> 00:29:07,370 and start singing "Summer Wind"? 797 00:29:07,371 --> 00:29:10,081 Oh! "Fly me... Fly me to the moon, let me play..." 798 00:29:10,082 --> 00:29:12,208 - "Let me see what spring is like on..." - "Spring is like on." 799 00:29:12,209 --> 00:29:13,709 - "...on Jupiter and Mars." - NEIL: "Jupiter and Mars." 800 00:29:13,710 --> 00:29:15,211 Oh, yes, it-- you're-- (CLICKS TONGUE) 801 00:29:15,212 --> 00:29:16,796 - Shit. You're right. It is a song. - NEIL: Yep. 802 00:29:16,797 --> 00:29:17,922 Maybe when you land on the moon, 803 00:29:17,923 --> 00:29:20,007 you can tell 'em, "Hey, if I can make it here, 804 00:29:20,008 --> 00:29:22,593 - I'll make it anywhere." - Okay, how about this? 805 00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:25,554 I pick up a rock, okay? I pretend I'm eating it. 806 00:29:25,555 --> 00:29:28,599 I go... (IMITATES CHEWING) "Gouda!" 807 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,227 - "Gouda"? - Yeah, Gouda. The cheese. 808 00:29:31,228 --> 00:29:32,728 Yeah, no, I got it. 809 00:29:32,729 --> 00:29:34,188 It's funny. You have no sense of hu-- 810 00:29:34,189 --> 00:29:35,481 You know, that's your thing. 811 00:29:35,482 --> 00:29:36,941 You have no sense of humor at all. 812 00:29:36,942 --> 00:29:39,735 - I could tell joke after joke, you'd get nothing. - What? 813 00:29:39,736 --> 00:29:41,487 They should've asked me to do the line 814 00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:42,905 because I'm creative. 815 00:29:42,906 --> 00:29:45,074 Yeah, you're so creative, you plagiarize Sinatra. 816 00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:46,993 You know, I did a lot of plays in high school. 817 00:29:46,994 --> 00:29:48,911 - Okay. - I played Robert Browning 818 00:29:48,912 --> 00:29:50,579 in The Barretts of Wimpole Street. 819 00:29:50,580 --> 00:29:51,706 I was fantastic. 820 00:29:51,707 --> 00:29:54,041 Just because you did The Barretts of Wimpole Street 821 00:29:54,042 --> 00:29:56,168 - in high school doesn't mean you're creative. I'm-- - Yeah. And you know what? 822 00:29:56,169 --> 00:29:58,421 I was written about the next day in the school newspaper. 823 00:29:58,422 --> 00:30:00,589 "Buzz Aldrin Is Robert Browning," 824 00:30:00,590 --> 00:30:02,049 and they capitalized "is." 825 00:30:02,050 --> 00:30:03,426 - Do you remember any lines? - Yeah. 826 00:30:03,427 --> 00:30:05,553 - Maybe you could say one when you walk on the moon. - (STATIC CRACKLES) 827 00:30:05,554 --> 00:30:08,264 HOUSTON DIRECTOR: Eagle, Houston, you are go to powered descent. 828 00:30:08,265 --> 00:30:09,849 NEIL: Roger. Prepare for landing. 829 00:30:09,850 --> 00:30:11,685 HOUSTON DIRECTOR: We're go, same time, we're go. 830 00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:13,853 You fucker. 831 00:30:13,854 --> 00:30:16,605 Now I know why you gave them that gift. 832 00:30:16,606 --> 00:30:19,483 'Cause you wanted to set foot on the moon first. 833 00:30:19,484 --> 00:30:21,485 - What? - You bribed your way onto the moon! 834 00:30:21,486 --> 00:30:23,529 I gave them a gift because that's what you do. 835 00:30:23,530 --> 00:30:24,989 Who gets a launch team gifts? 836 00:30:24,990 --> 00:30:26,615 I'll bet nobody's ever given them a gift. 837 00:30:26,616 --> 00:30:28,451 No one's ever been sent to the moon before. 838 00:30:28,452 --> 00:30:30,036 Oh, my God. You're... You're so desperate. 839 00:30:30,037 --> 00:30:31,662 - You're such a phony. - I'm a phony? 840 00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:32,913 - Yes. - Edwin. 841 00:30:32,914 --> 00:30:34,749 Calling yourself "Buzz." Why? 842 00:30:34,750 --> 00:30:37,209 'Cause it sounds cool? You're Edwin. Edwin Aldrin. 843 00:30:37,210 --> 00:30:40,880 I'd change it too 'cause the I-N on both names sounds weird. 844 00:30:40,881 --> 00:30:42,757 - Oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah. - NEIL: So you give yourself a name 845 00:30:42,758 --> 00:30:44,050 - for like a ten-year-old boy. - BUZZ: Oh, sure. 846 00:30:44,051 --> 00:30:45,134 - Yeah. - "Buzz." 847 00:30:45,135 --> 00:30:47,011 Let me tell you something, schmucko, okay? 848 00:30:47,012 --> 00:30:48,346 When I was five years old, 849 00:30:48,347 --> 00:30:50,222 instead of ringing my friend's doorbells, 850 00:30:50,223 --> 00:30:53,684 I would stand outside and go, "Buzz, buzz, buzz," 851 00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:56,187 and that name stuck! All the mothers loved it! 852 00:30:56,188 --> 00:30:57,688 "Oh, Buzz is here!" 853 00:30:57,689 --> 00:30:59,023 I don't think that's true. 854 00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:00,149 Oh, you think I'm making it up? 855 00:31:00,150 --> 00:31:01,817 All right. You know what? I think you're full of lies. 856 00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:02,985 - I'm full of lies? - Yes! 857 00:31:02,986 --> 00:31:05,071 You told me four times you had sex 858 00:31:05,072 --> 00:31:06,655 with Rocky Marciano's daughter. 859 00:31:06,656 --> 00:31:08,657 Well, I did have sex with Rocky Marciano's daughter, 860 00:31:08,658 --> 00:31:11,202 - and it was fantastic. - There's no way Rocky Marciano 861 00:31:11,203 --> 00:31:14,038 would let anyone like you, named Buzz, near his daughter. 862 00:31:14,039 --> 00:31:17,249 Rocky Marciano met me. He really liked me. 863 00:31:17,250 --> 00:31:19,293 So don't tell me that Rocky Marciano 864 00:31:19,294 --> 00:31:20,753 wouldn't let me have sex with Lucy. 865 00:31:20,754 --> 00:31:23,214 'Cause he did let me, and so did Lucy. 866 00:31:23,215 --> 00:31:25,383 He "let you" have sex with his daughter? 867 00:31:25,384 --> 00:31:26,425 That already sounds-- 868 00:31:26,426 --> 00:31:28,052 - BUZZ: Well, he-- - What kind of creepy arrangement 869 00:31:28,053 --> 00:31:30,137 did you have with Rocky Marciano? 870 00:31:30,138 --> 00:31:32,056 - (STATIC CRACKLES) - HOUSTON DIRECTOR: Eagle, you all right up there? 871 00:31:32,057 --> 00:31:35,643 Just, uh... descending. Uh, 700 feet. 872 00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:37,395 HOUSTON DIRECTOR: Eagle, you're go for landing, over. 873 00:31:37,396 --> 00:31:39,271 I'll tell you what, Neil. I don't believe that NASA told you... 874 00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:40,356 HOUSTON DIRECTOR: Three hundred feet. 875 00:31:40,357 --> 00:31:41,690 ...that you're gonna be first on the moon. 876 00:31:41,691 --> 00:31:43,442 - Yes, they did. Yes, they did. - BUZZ: They didn't. No, they didn't. 877 00:31:43,443 --> 00:31:44,527 - No, they didn't. - I'm not a liar. 878 00:31:44,528 --> 00:31:48,114 BOTH: (REPEATEDLY) You're a liar! 879 00:31:48,115 --> 00:31:50,199 - (IN UNISON) You're a liar! - (SPACECRAFT RUMBLING) 880 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,159 (RUMBLING FADES) 881 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:53,869 HOUSTON DIRECTOR: We copy you down, Eagle. 882 00:31:53,870 --> 00:31:56,330 NEIL: Uh, Tranquility Base here. 883 00:31:56,331 --> 00:31:58,541 - The Eagle has land-- - The Eagle has landed. 884 00:31:58,542 --> 00:31:59,959 - The Eagle has landed-- - Eagle's landed. 885 00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:01,419 The Eagle's land... 886 00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:03,754 - The Eagle's land-- - We've landed. We've landed. 887 00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:06,006 - NEIL: Yeah, we land-- Yeah. - (STATIC CRACKLES) 888 00:32:06,007 --> 00:32:07,299 HOUSTON DIRECTOR: Okay, engine stop. 889 00:32:07,300 --> 00:32:08,510 Looking good, over. 890 00:32:09,177 --> 00:32:11,095 We're a go. We're a go. 891 00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:14,390 - ♪ (LIVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - (GRUNTS) 892 00:32:14,391 --> 00:32:16,851 (ALL CHEERING, APPLAUDING) 893 00:32:16,852 --> 00:32:19,353 HOUSTON DIRECTOR: Roger, the EVA is progressing beautifully. 894 00:32:19,354 --> 00:32:21,772 Stop it! You're ruining the moon landing! 895 00:32:21,773 --> 00:32:22,815 We're on TV! 896 00:32:22,816 --> 00:32:24,650 (BUZZ MUMBLES ANGRILY) 897 00:32:24,651 --> 00:32:26,318 - NEIL: Go back inside! - (BUZZ SCREAMS) 898 00:32:26,319 --> 00:32:29,113 NEIL: (PANTING) That's one small step for a man, 899 00:32:29,114 --> 00:32:31,574 one giant leap for mankind. 900 00:32:31,575 --> 00:32:33,742 - Boom! - BUZZ: Come back here! 901 00:32:33,743 --> 00:32:37,246 (GRUNTS) You son of a bitch! 902 00:32:37,247 --> 00:32:39,748 (BOTH GRUNT, GROAN) 903 00:32:39,749 --> 00:32:41,333 NEIL: You're ruining it, Edwin! 904 00:32:41,334 --> 00:32:43,043 - BUZZ: It's Buzz! - (NEIL GRUNTS) 905 00:32:43,044 --> 00:32:45,337 (BOTH GRUNT, GROAN) 906 00:32:45,338 --> 00:32:46,714 BUZZ: You cocksucker! 907 00:32:46,715 --> 00:32:49,008 - NEIL: You're too cheap! - BUZZ: Oh, you got the launch team a gift? 908 00:32:49,009 --> 00:32:50,050 NEIL: Those guys hate you, 909 00:32:50,051 --> 00:32:51,677 that's why they didn't want you to go first. 910 00:32:51,678 --> 00:32:54,305 - BUZZ: You ass kisser! (GRUNTS) - NEIL: (GRUNTS) Get off me! 911 00:32:54,306 --> 00:32:56,516 - (GRUNTS) Hey! - (BUZZ GROANS) 912 00:32:57,225 --> 00:32:59,351 (GROANS) My glasses! 913 00:32:59,352 --> 00:33:01,645 - I hate you! - (NEIL GRUNTS) 914 00:33:01,646 --> 00:33:05,191 (SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY, GRUNTS) 915 00:33:05,192 --> 00:33:06,942 - ♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪ - (NEIL GRUNTS) 916 00:33:06,943 --> 00:33:11,322 (BUZZ GROANS) 917 00:33:11,323 --> 00:33:12,656 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 918 00:33:12,657 --> 00:33:16,161 ♪ ("THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER" PLAYING) ♪ 919 00:34:26,106 --> 00:34:28,692 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪