1 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,440 HE SIGHS 2 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:27,520 - Michael! Hello, Michael! - Jesus, don't do that! 3 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:28,760 You cannot sleep. 4 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:31,440 I'm stressed about tomorrow... Today. 5 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:33,280 Why are you even switched on? 6 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,320 Sue leaves me on for home security. 7 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,680 Ugh, she doesn't need to do that any more, I'm here. 8 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,240 You are...depressed. 9 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:44,880 Would you like to talk? 10 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:49,000 - To you? - Talking improves mental health. 11 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:54,600 Well... 12 00:00:56,040 --> 00:01:01,160 My marriage is over, my wife is pregnant with another man, 13 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:04,280 I've moved back in with my mum, and every job I go for, 14 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,520 they either want someone younger and more qualified, 15 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:08,960 or AI can do it for free. 16 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,080 I mean... 17 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,080 I mean, I feel completely... 18 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:17,440 What's the word? 19 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,120 Outmoded, defunct, 20 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:23,520 - useless, antiquated... - Yeah, OK. Just shut up. 21 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,920 Music might help elevate your mood. 22 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,600 # If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe 23 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,400 # I'd been married long time ago 24 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,360 # Where did you come from, where did you go 25 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:33,040 # Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe? # 26 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,800 Are you feeling better? 27 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,800 MUSIC CONTINUES 28 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,000 OK, so who watched Strictly this week? 29 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,280 - ALL: - We did! 30 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,680 Sh! Terrific, so you all know the winning dance was the slow, 31 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,200 the sensual... 32 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:50,600 ..rumba! 33 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:51,920 Oh, no... 34 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,960 Don't worry, we don't have to do the intimate hold positions. 35 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,520 Now, everyone, partner up and let's have some fun! 36 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,600 Oh, bloody hell! 37 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,080 MUSIC STARTS 38 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,080 Why are we here, Linda? 39 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:08,160 - Because it is on, and it is free. - Oh... 40 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,200 I suppose we should get divorced. 41 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,160 Are you certain this baby can't be yours? 42 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,160 Like, 10,000% certain? 43 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,280 The urologist said I might as well have given them 44 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,080 - a sample of wood glue. - That's a bit rude. 45 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,720 I think she wanted to do stand-up. 46 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:36,600 When we first got back together, Professor Chris 47 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,720 and I had break-up sex one last time. 48 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:40,960 That was the last time we did it. 49 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,800 I really did want to make a go of it with you. 50 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,720 Oh, my God! He's moved in! 51 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,840 He had to. He's totally broke. 52 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,160 - Really? - Yeah, Lola served him with divorce papers. 53 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,520 - She's taking everything. - Ah... Awesome. 54 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:57,000 Well, I guess you finally got what you wanted all along. 55 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,600 I used to think it was what I wanted. 56 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,520 In the gym, he's a God. 57 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,360 But outside of the gym... 58 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:04,960 - He's an idiot? - Yeah. 59 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,000 Yeah. 60 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:08,960 Ah, hey, Mike. 61 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,200 Ha! 62 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,680 You want some chicken, Mike? 63 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,000 No, thank you. 64 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:24,800 Sorry about all this. 65 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,920 Getting my wife pregnant... 66 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:28,440 Yeah. 67 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:29,520 Not cool. 68 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,160 MACHINE RATTLES LOUDLY 69 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,400 Do you consume everything raw? 70 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,720 Cooking it just kills all the nutrients, my man. 71 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:49,480 Huh! How are you holding up, Mike? 72 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,840 - You know... - Lola's already back on the dating apps. 73 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,040 Can you believe that? 74 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,640 At least you're devastated, you look terrible. 75 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:55,760 I'm doing OK. 76 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,320 Yeah, but you're not back on the dating apps, though, are you? 77 00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,880 For God's sake! 78 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,240 Yes. I am. 79 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,960 - What? - Yeah. All the apps. 80 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,080 Having fun, getting tons of... 81 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,720 - ..pusseh. - Yes! 82 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,880 You enjoy yourself, brother. 83 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,200 Bring it in. 84 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,360 - What is happening? - It's just the natural order, babe. 85 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,080 We're males. 86 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,400 The bull has horns 87 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:22,360 and the lion's gotta roar... 88 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:22,360 GLUGS AND BELCHES 89 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,320 Anyway, good to see you, take care, Mike. 90 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,680 Do I either of you have to use the bathroom in the next...30 minutes? 91 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:31,080 I'm good. 92 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:33,880 Oh, God... 93 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:38,760 Oh, um, post. 94 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,520 It's mainly...Robot Linda stuff. 95 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,320 - Why don't you just give Linda back? - I am. 96 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:49,040 Oh, my God, I'd love to have been there when you told them. 97 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,320 What did you say - 98 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,520 "Hey, Mum, sorry I'm going to give back your robot girlfriend. 99 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:56,040 "You're gonna have to date the air fryer instead!" 100 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:59,200 RENEE LAUGHS 101 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:59,200 Maybe I should do stand-up. 102 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,720 I haven't told Mum yet. 103 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,560 I need to choose my moment, 104 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:05,040 before they collect her... 105 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:07,880 ..tomorrow. 106 00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:12,000 MUSIC PLAYS 107 00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:12,000 Box step, slow. 108 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,600 Quick, quick, slow. 109 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:17,280 Slow, quick, quick, slow. 110 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:19,800 Hi, Sue! 111 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,000 Hi, Tom! 112 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:26,640 Now, remember, people, it's all in the hips! In the hips! 113 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:30,440 Yes! Excellent, Linda! 114 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:30,440 LAUGHTER 115 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:34,800 OK, great work, everyone, but we are sadly out of time! 116 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,040 Thank, Christ. 117 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,720 Now, remember, we do dance classes here every day. 118 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,520 And don't forget to put your names down, 119 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:45,440 because tomorrow we're doing street dance, bitches! 120 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:46,960 LAUGHTER 121 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:46,960 Yes! 122 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,560 Thank God you didn't put my name down for that one... 123 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,000 Oh, no! 124 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:57,480 - Why? - Street dance celebrates self expression and resisting oppression. 125 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:00,880 I mean, why all this arranging stuff? 126 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,520 - It's too much. - Sue, you are correct. 127 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,120 Attending dance will not leave enough preparation time 128 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,720 - for your dinner party. - What dinner party? 129 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,680 Bye, Sue, bye, Linda. 130 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,320 Are you OK, Tom? 131 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,640 No, I got carried away. 132 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,440 I should have warmed up more. 133 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,720 You have strained your adductor muscles. 134 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,360 I can administer sports massage when we get home. 135 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,040 Oh, nice one. 136 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,040 Salting the meat overnight tenderises it 137 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:31,760 and concentrates flavour. 138 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:35,440 I've never done it before and it's always tasted fine. 139 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:39,640 The cassoulet is an iconic French dish that is a lot of preparation. 140 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:43,320 If the French had spent more time fighting the Nazis 141 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:48,040 than they do preparing cassoulet, we might not have had World War II. 142 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,560 That is incorrect. 143 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:52,200 World War II started when Germany invaded Poland. 144 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,560 MOBILE VIBRATES 145 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,240 Who's this? Is it Michael? 146 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:57,720 Oh... 147 00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,160 No. 148 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,880 - Hello? Sue Bevan speaking. - Who is it, Sue? 149 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,760 The bank. Yes? Oh, really? 150 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,720 Well, good job you're running security checks. 151 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,720 Yes, yes, I'll give you my details. 152 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,440 ALARM SOUNDS 153 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,440 Scammers detected! 154 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:16,800 Scammers detected! 155 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,360 - Hang up, hang up! - Oh! 156 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,840 My phone! 157 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,080 I am designed to alert you to frauds, scams, misleading deals. 158 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:28,680 - Hi, Mum. - Oh, Michael. How did it go? 159 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,560 Actually, not that bad. Linda, make a pot of tea. 160 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:36,080 - Please. - Do you want me to ask the fridge to please keep the food cold? 161 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,240 Hey, dishwasher, please wash the dishes. 162 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,640 They're machines. What are you doing to that chicken? 163 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,120 It's French. It was Linda's idea, 164 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:46,320 she's invited Guy and Tom and Eileen and Phyllis. 165 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,560 Who's Tim and Ben and Eileen and Francis? 166 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,520 - They're my friends. - But you never have people over. 167 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,200 Well, I'm hosting a dinner party. 168 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:57,280 - You're "hosting a dinner party"?! - Yes. 169 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,880 Who do you think you are, Downton Abbey?! 170 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:05,520 Sue, I believe that Michael thinks Downton Abbey is the character name. 171 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:09,800 Yeah... Darling, Abbey isn't short for Abigail. 172 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,000 I'm Downton Abigail. 173 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,000 SUE AND LINDA LAUGH 174 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,480 Hello, I'm Westminster Abigail. MIKE FORCED LAUGHTER 175 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,960 Linda, yeah, guess what, I'm sending you back. 176 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,280 Ugh... 177 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,920 Mum, come and sit down... 178 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,440 I got Linda when I thought you were going to be alone. 179 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:41,960 But I'm home now. 180 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,800 We don't need her any more. 181 00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:47,440 Linda does so many things. 182 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,840 Yeah, I... I can do what Linda does. 183 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,840 You've got your own life to lead. 184 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:54,080 Not really. 185 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,040 I know this sounds silly... 186 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,960 It does sound silly. I can't keep up the repayments. 187 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,800 I guess I could go back to drug trials... 188 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:07,840 No! 189 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,400 What will happen to Linda? 190 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,120 She'll go to a new owner that really needs her, 191 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,320 someone who hasn't got their son living at home 192 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,080 that who can do all this crap for free! 193 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:26,400 - When? - They can pick her up tomorrow. 194 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,400 Oh, so soon? 195 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,360 It's just going to be exactly how it was. 196 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:35,200 It's going to be...you and me. 197 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,800 I-I thought that's what you wanted. 198 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:57,400 - Sue, have you taken your heart tablet? - Yep. 199 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,720 You are low on reflux medication. 200 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,880 Right, well, thanks for telling me. 201 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:05,480 Michael has suggested switching me off overnight, as he is home now. 202 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,320 Oh... I suppose he's right. 203 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,680 Goodnight, Sue. 204 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,480 Goodnight, Linda. 205 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:19,840 Linda...off. 206 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,000 MOBILE CAMERA SNAPS 207 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:47,960 The bloody menopause? 208 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,720 Bollocks. 209 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,720 MOBILE JINGLE 210 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,360 Linda, come down. 211 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:56,960 They'll be here in a minute. 212 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,560 Coming, Michael. 213 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,640 Is Sue back yet? 214 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:11,960 Nah. 215 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,800 These are Sue's onward care instructions. 216 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,960 They outline diet, exercise, medicine, and... 217 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,640 I do know what I'm doing! 218 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,880 I was fine before I got you. 219 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,920 - Why are you taking pictures with books you have not read? - I... 220 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:29,760 I signed up to a dating app last night, everyone looks really hot, 221 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,560 I just need a better picture... 222 00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:32,920 Would you like me to try? 223 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,280 Yeah, sure. 224 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:42,840 Hang on, hang on. 225 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,720 Wait, whoa, hang on. Just... 226 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,200 - Stop pulling that face. - That's just my face. 227 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,080 Stop smiling. 228 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:01,880 Wow, that's really good. 229 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,760 Could you make my jaw a little squarer? 230 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:08,880 A-A little more. 231 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,640 A little more? 232 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,400 - Little more... - This does not look like you any more. 233 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,600 Everyone does it. 234 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,080 No-one's as good looking as their photo. It's a thing. 235 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,320 Hey, could you write a profile for me as well? 236 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:32,280 Why not try something upbeat, like... 237 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:38,560 - Yup. - .."I love good company, a good book, and even better... 238 00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:40,200 - Tits. - "..coffee." 239 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,520 Coffee. 240 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,880 Sue benefits from activities, social gatherings 241 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,040 - and changes to her routine. - Yeah, I know. 242 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:52,520 She will complain and resist, this is rooted in depression. 243 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,560 - Mum doesn't have depression. - Sue is still grieving. 244 00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:57,080 I made this week very busy 245 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,800 because it is her 50th wedding anniversary today. 246 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,240 - DATING APP JINGLE - Hey, Linda, someone responded! 247 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:04,800 What if she wants to meet up?! 248 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:08,000 What shall we do? I'll just say "whatever you wanna do", yeah? 249 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,280 No. 250 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:13,400 Say you have an already existing activity planned and invite her. 251 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,880 Then if she declines... 252 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,560 It looks like I've got a really interesting life, 253 00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,040 instead of lying in bed all day! 254 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,080 That is so smart! 255 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,080 CAR HORN TOOTS 256 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:25,280 Damn, they're here. 257 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,600 Just when I found a use for you. 258 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,240 Where is Sue? 259 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:42,120 - Oh, Mum... - Is she still here? Oh, Linda... 260 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,840 I... Um... I got you a little goodbye present. 261 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,480 OK, now you've completely lost your mind. 262 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,920 I know you'll be going to a nice new home, 263 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:54,840 and you'll forget all about us, and me and everything, but... 264 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,800 I just wanted to thank you 265 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,440 um...for everything. 266 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,800 And I've got... 267 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,600 ..that for you. 268 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,480 I have never been inside a frame before. 269 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,600 SUE CHUCKLES 270 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,600 Linda! It's time. 271 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:17,400 - I have also left a gift for you. - Oh... 272 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:18,640 Goodbye, Sue. 273 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:19,840 Goodbye. 274 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,560 Yeah, well, happens a lot, you know. 275 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:36,520 Repairs, finances change, first thing to go is the robot. 276 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:38,440 You...do know you're gonna get a penalty fare 277 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:39,720 for cancelling the contract? 278 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,040 - That's fine. - Yeah? 279 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:46,400 OK, well, yeah, this all looks fine. In you go. 280 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:00,360 Michael, a job. 281 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,640 Good job? 282 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:07,120 Well, it's back-breaking labour and I do have to work holidays, 283 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,560 but at least the pay's shit. 284 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,720 OK, I'm going to need you to sign here, here and here. 285 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:17,640 So what next? Linda gets repurposed for a new family? 286 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,720 No, it's getting too hard to get spare parts for these old models. 287 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:24,440 They're actually worth more for their metals now. 288 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,240 She's going to be destroyed? 289 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:27,320 Yep. 290 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,360 I mean, it was a good model but they're obsolete now... 291 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,440 You've missed a bit. One more signature. 292 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,640 That was the word. 293 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,760 "Obsolete". 294 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:42,920 Well, I er... 295 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:46,640 I actually did my PhD in how Chaucer used language of the body 296 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,960 to critique 14th century gender norms. 297 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,840 OK. Well...better get these robots to the scrapyard. 298 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:54,960 Er, thanks. 299 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:00,760 ENGINE STARTS 300 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,520 Hello, I am Linda. 301 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,680 My owner was Sue. 302 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:12,280 We went camping and we went to a rumba class 303 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,760 and we went on a roller-coaster. 304 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,960 - ALL: - Ah! 305 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,640 I don't think I'll do that French recipe. 306 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,240 Too much preparation. 307 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,480 It is pretty stupid. 308 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,120 We're not even French. 309 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,240 Just do a roast, Mum, your roast slaps! 310 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,000 Thank you. I will do a roast. 311 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,240 You've done it the same, every single time, 312 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,600 for as long as I can remember. 313 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,120 What's this? 314 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,520 - Hmm? - This. - Oh, that. It's just something Linda left. 315 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:53,160 - MOBILE ALERT - I've got to walk you or something. 316 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,920 MOBILE ALERT 317 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:13,120 Love, if you've got time, could you pick up my reflux meds? 318 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,320 I'd better start cooking. 319 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,240 Sure... Hey, Mum, Mum, Mum... 320 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,600 Guess what, I've got a date! 321 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,640 Date? 322 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,400 Don't you think that's a bit soon? 323 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,280 Mum, it's just the natural order of things. 324 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:30,000 I'm no different from a lion or a cow. 325 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:34,960 A bull... A bull! 326 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,880 I'm no different from a bull. 327 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:43,880 I spy with my little eye, something beginning with... 328 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,520 L. 329 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:49,040 - ALL: - Lower Safety Locking Hydraulic Lift Pin. 330 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,880 It is more fun if you keep guessing... 331 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,960 - You're late. - Sorry... Traffic. 332 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,200 - What seems to be the issue? - Please, please, don't do this Jeffrey. 333 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,040 Please, I love you. I can change! 334 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:08,560 I selected an IQ of 80-100 and it keeps resetting to 140 plus! 335 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:12,800 Why would I want her to have an IQ of 140 plus?! 336 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,200 Did you go into settings 337 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:17,720 and try to manually reset the IQ to "Below Average"? 338 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,720 Of course I have! Repeatedly! 339 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,680 And you fed all this back to customer support? 340 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,120 Yes! 341 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:26,600 I will never forget you, Jeffrey, you're the love of my life! 342 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,680 Goodbye, Jeffrey, my love! 343 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,080 Hi, I'm Melody. 344 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,160 - ALL: - Hello, Melody. 345 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,560 MUSIC PLAYS 346 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:01,040 Um... Sal? 347 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,200 You're kidding. 348 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:11,720 - What make of robot are you? - I'm a Romance Robot. 349 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,640 Or Ro-Robot. 350 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,880 Top of the line, baby! 351 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,400 Cute photo. 352 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,880 I've never been on a roller-coaster. 353 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,920 Perhaps you will go to a new person, 354 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,960 who will take you on a roller-coaster. 355 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,680 Intercourse robots can't be resold. 356 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,120 Then what is your destination? 357 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:30,840 To be dismantled. 358 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,880 We're all going to be dismantled. 359 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,600 Michael and Sue have been misled. 360 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,360 We're all being sold for our metals. 361 00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:43,520 Michael and Sue think I am to be repurposed. 362 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,800 I'd forgotten, here's the gravy. 363 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,680 Ooh, wow! 364 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,400 Sue, this doesn't taste like your usual roast. 365 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,840 I salted it overnight. Do you like it? 366 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,200 Yeah. 367 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,360 It was Linda's idea, 368 00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:09,920 she actually had this whole French cuisine thing planned, 369 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,400 for today. 370 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:15,160 Oh... 371 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,800 - Are you going to get another one? - Doubt it. 372 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:24,720 - Well, you could always get a boy robot... - Ooh-hoo! 373 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:28,200 At first, I didn't like having a boy robot, 374 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:32,640 but now I just love that we get to do man stuff, 375 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,720 like shopping for vintage bowties, 376 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,920 and we're going to this Michael Bubbles party... 377 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:40,240 Michael Buble concert. 378 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,560 Here, one of my customers said Michael Buble wears a wig. 379 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,560 I think it was Michael Buble. Or was it Michael Douglas? 380 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,560 Which one is the basketballer? 381 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,560 Brian, what time are you thinking of going home? 382 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,080 I only popped in to say hi and have a bit of a tipple. 383 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,680 Four glasses of wine is a tipple? 384 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,920 Well, I probably should be getting back to work. 385 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,360 Those taxis don't drive themselves, do they? 386 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,480 Well, actually they do now. 387 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,320 Well, everyone. I have news. 388 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,000 A little birdie tells me that Jeffrey 389 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,200 and his new squeeze have split! 390 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,280 - Oh... - He always comes home. 391 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,920 - You're going to take him back? - Of course I am. 392 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,440 I don't want to be all alone at my age. 393 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,320 Did anyone see that story about the MRI? 394 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:42,480 - No. - No? 395 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,440 Yeah, there was an oxygen tank in the room, 396 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,560 so when they switched the machine on, 397 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:51,000 it went flying across the room and decapitated the patient. 398 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,360 Chopped her head clean off. 399 00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:53,600 CAR DOOR 400 00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:53,600 God, no. 401 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:54,640 I didn't hear that story. 402 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,000 And get this, Sue - when they did the autopsy, 403 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,520 they realised she didn't need an MRI in the first place! 404 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,720 - Hello, Michael. - ALL: - Hi, Michael. 405 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,400 Michael, say hi to everyone. 406 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,120 Hi, everyone. Hi... 407 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,000 How was your date? 408 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,040 Stupid. 409 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,720 I'm done with women. 410 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:18,280 They're just shallow. 411 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:22,040 Being beautiful means nothing, if your personality is ugly! 412 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,720 You guys are lucky that you're gay. 413 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,960 Eh? 414 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:33,280 Did you manage to get my reflux meds? 415 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,000 I'll do it tomorrow. 416 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,000 Tomorrow is Sunday. 417 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,280 Then I'll do it on Monday. 418 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,120 This chicken tastes weird! 419 00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:48,280 I salted it overnight. 420 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:49,840 I prefer it the old way. 421 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,760 - I thought it was rather nice. - Nah, the old way is better. 422 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:56,200 No. 423 00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:58,840 No, it's not. 424 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,200 Sue must know she has been misled. 425 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:14,000 Shit! 426 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,960 Not again! 427 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,240 Stop! 428 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,200 Stop! Stop! 429 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,600 I command you... I command you to stop! 430 00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:29,080 HEAVY ENGINE NOISE 431 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,520 Will you please stop zig-zagging? 432 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,160 SUE SIGHS 433 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:43,600 Happy anniversary, love. 434 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,160 - RECORDING: - Hello, love, it's me, 435 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,640 your...dead husband, Dave. 436 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,840 Linda has my voice in her database, 437 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:15,840 so she can use it to say "happy 50th anniversary" from me. 438 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:19,720 I wish I were there to celebrate, but I'm not 439 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,680 because...I'm dead. 440 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,920 I don't know where I am now, 441 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,640 as there's no verifiable data on that. 442 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,080 But there are things I do know. 443 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,520 I know that you love me very much, 444 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,920 I know you still do, 445 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,000 and I know how brave you are, 446 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,240 doing this part without me. 447 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,320 - MICHAEL: - Come down. They'll be here in a minute. 448 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,080 Coming, Michael. 449 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,040 I have to go now, Sue. 450 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:53,680 I picked up more reflux medication, it is in the bathroom, goodbye! 451 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,040 I am sorry I broke your fence. 452 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:18,800 I would like to come with you. 453 00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,320 Come back, please! 454 00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:33,720 Shit! 455 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,520 Robot wankers! 456 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,800 I'm going out. 457 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,040 - Where? - I'm going to find Linda. 458 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:44,160 Good on you, Sue! This is exciting. Isn't this exciting, Guy? 459 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:45,360 Yes. 460 00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:46,400 Mum, Mum, wait... 461 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,960 Get us a Happy Meal while you're out? This chicken is disgusting! 462 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,840 Mum, you don't even drive! 463 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,640 I'll drive you! 75 quid. 464 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:56,400 Wait... 85. 465 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,960 Shut up! Shut up! Mum, we've talked about this. 466 00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:02,840 - I can't afford her. - I'll borrow against the house or something. 467 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,520 Are you for fucking real? 468 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:07,480 I just hope I can get there before her memory's wiped! 469 00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,480 90 quid, final offer. 470 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,640 I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. 471 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:23,560 ENGINE STARTS 472 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,080 There's nothing to be scared of, 473 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:27,840 there's nothing to be scared of. 474 00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:34,880 HORN BEEPS 475 00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:34,880 Sorry, sorry, sorry! 476 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,320 SHE MUTTERS TO HERSELF 477 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:44,480 BUMP 478 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,440 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 479 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,640 BUMP 480 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,640 Argh! 481 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,480 Let me out, let me out. 482 00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,600 - Linda! - I am OK, Sue! 483 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,280 SUE WHIMPERS 484 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,920 - Sue, you drove a car! - Mm. 485 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,720 - Oh... - Perhaps you should not drive a car. 486 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:18,280 Wh-What are you doing here? And who is that? 487 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:19,720 I came to find you, Sue. 488 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:22,600 I was to be dismantled and sold for my parts. 489 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,240 You and Michael were misled. 490 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:25,800 Bastards! 491 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,280 - Did you hear that, Michael? - What?! 492 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:33,400 These contracts! The fine print, big tech... 493 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:34,800 Capitalism! 494 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,080 Who the hell is that? 495 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:47,040 Thank God! Finally! 496 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,040 I thought I'd been left here to die... 497 00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:52,000 But now you're here. 498 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:54,560 I am! 499 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,480 Sue, you drove a car. 500 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,040 Yes, I did. 501 00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,880 I came to get you. 502 00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:03,600 I know Michael said we couldn't afford a robot... 503 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,480 Michael will change his mind. 504 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:09,800 Oh, you're so funny! You should have your own Netflix special! 505 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,040 THEY CHUCKLE 506 00:28:13,120 --> 00:28:16,960 Sue, I broke my present when you drove over me. 507 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:21,200 Oh... Well, we can get more picture frames. 508 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,240 We're gonna need them, 509 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:26,600 because we're gonna take a lot more pictures... 510 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,120 Do you know? 511 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:33,800 My dinner party was no fun without you. 512 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:36,080 Perhaps music might help improve the mood? 513 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:37,760 # If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe 514 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:39,800 # I'd been married long time ago 515 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,680 # Where did you come from, where did you go 516 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,880 # Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe? # 517 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:47,760 Sue, I think you put my eyeball back in upside down. 518 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:52,440 # If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe 519 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,040 # I'd been married long time ago 520 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,200 # Where did you come from, where did you go 521 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,280 # Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe? 522 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,080 # If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe 523 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:01,560 # I'd been married long time ago 524 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:03,640 # Where did you come from, where did you go 525 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:05,840 # Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe? #