[gospel music]
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[gospel music continues]
David,
honey, you don't have to do this today.
It has to be this way.
[dramatic music]
David,
it's been 20 years.
[music]
Baby, don't you think you owe your
people more than an empty office and a resignation letter?
I sent Jay to stay with Mom for a couple days,
but I think this is something we need to talk
about when we get back, because I love you.
I really do.
But we're gonna deal with this later, okay?
I've got nothing left to give.
I won't be long.
I'm going to clear out my office.
[dramatic piano music]
Woo! I Mmm.
No, no, no, no.
Good night.
You know, I'm not gonna let you have any more
of them sugar sodas, because there is no way.
Calm down.
Now, I'm gonna calm down? When we got the numbers like this.
You know what we're gonna have to do?
Look, right after this, we're gonna do some jump.
Actually, we're gonna walk all around the property.
Right after this, immediately, because we need to,
patience is a virtue.
Really, Mama Hazel?
You're gonna tell me that patience is a virtue,
when you're the one who has me out here for
the past 20 minutes, waiting for your grandson.
Huh? I need to be patient?
Look, I know I told him what time to get here.
Okay, oh, speaking of devil.
Speaking of the devil. Your grandmama's out here just messing with-with these cards.
You know Mama Ruth.
I am glad that you are here.
You know.
Okay.
And you know what she did the other night?
Yeah, I was trying to get her, and she
mind your own business.
- You know what? - Okay.
I went this morning to wake her up by the time time I got there, whoo!
It was just a blur.
And that's after the third time,
she asked me what time it was.
Don't be here telling my business.
All right, you know what? I'm,
I'm too done.
So you know what I'm gonna do?
All right.
Umm, leave you all to it.
Um, I'm gonna come back when it's time to eat,
all right?
Man, you're great. Grandmother is something else.
[laughing]
Now, Mama Ruth, I know you not out here showing out.
[laughing]
So, how are you feeling this morning?
[birds chirping]
Well, today's the day.
I'm cleaning out my desk and turning in my resignation letter.
[birds chirping]
Why?
Because I've been standing in that pulpit for 20 years,
telling people to have faith, that God has a plan
that he loves and protects us.
But where was he when Mama needed him most?
[birds chirping]
It's not for us to question him.
You know, I believed that until I watched her waste away.
I can't keep doing this.
I can't keep pretending to have faith when I don't even know if God exists.
[birds chirping]
I feel like such a fraud.
Mama Ruth I'm lost.
Completely lost.
[birds chirping]
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
The problem is, I don't know if I accept it.
[birds chirping]
I need to get to the office and get this over with.
[gospel music] [singer vocalizing]
[gospel music comtinues]
[gospel music continues]
[singers singing]
[gospel music continues]
To the congregation of True Vine Missionary Baptist Church.
Yes, Cheryl, I know it's last minute, but I got that wedding.
Yeah.
Child, I can't be looking like this.
No, no, just a little trim, nothing too dramatic.
Well, actually, I could use a little punch up in the color.
These grays are winning the battle.
Tomorrow, can you fit me in around 3?
Oh, oh, won't he do it.
Thank you.
You are a lifesaver.
I'll tell you what, I will bring you some of those lemon squares,
that you love so much.
I know that's right.
[thud]
I am worried about him.
Yes, 20 years our pastor, and now this sudden resignation?
I know, I know.
Ever since his mother passed away, mm-hmm,
but you know what?
Something more is going on with him.
- Mm-hmm. - He's not talking to anybody.
No, not even his wife, from what I hear.
Uh-huh.
He been packing up all week, like, he can't wait to get out of here.
No, the board meeting is not till Monday.
Oh, and then, Sister Brenda want to call me talking about pastor seems.
I said, "Uh-uh, stop it right there."
I'm over here minding my own salvation.
I need you to do the same.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I sho did.
You know I don't play about pastor.
No, they do not know yet.
I I don't know.
Just me and his wife, I guess.
I know, I know, but it's just...
It breaks my heart.
I mean, this church is his family, too.
[thunder rumbling]
Girl, let me go ahead and get out here and lock up.
Yeah, I know.
I hear this storm.
I'm trying to get home before it hits.
My edges are flipping out.
Okay, all right, I'll see you tomorrow.
Thank you.
Bye.
[thunder rumbling]
Pastor?
Pastor Reynolds,
I-I'm getting ready to head out.
Is there anything else I can get for you before I lock up?
Uh, no.
No, um.
No, but thank you.
I'm just finishing up.
[thunder rumbling]
Are you sure this is the right thing to do?
Um...
My mind's made up.
Twenty years, David.
Twenty years.
That's all a lot of lives touched,
including mine.
I appreciate you more than you know.
For what it's worth, I still pray for your mother.
I know she is so proud of you.
[thunder rumbling]
Goodnight, Angela.
Well, uh... that storm is coming in.
Pretty strong.
You' sure you don't want to come back?
Maybe tomorrow?
I I can get...
No, I'm just gonna wrap this up now, but you can lock up on your way out.
I have my keys.
Be safe, pastor.
Good night.
Good night, Angela.
[dramatic music]
[singer singing]
[dramatic music]
[dramatic music continues]
[thunder]
Oh. Where is my phone?
Left it in the car.
[thunder]
[crying]
Excuse me, but the church is closed.
[thunder rumbling]
Excuse me!
[loud thunder clap]
Whoa. Whoa.
Don't. You come...
Don't you come in you're closer.
Whoa... whoa... whoa.
Don't you come in you're closer.
- Calm down. - You're not supposed to be here.
I'm Pastor Reynolds.
Why don't you put that gun down so we can talk?
Oh, there's nothing to talk about.
What is that?
- A shrine? - Ah! Ah...
No, no, no!
How dare you?
How dare you pretend to?
Care... care.
Look. Let me help you.
Help me!
Where were you,
when I needed your help?
Where!
[loud thunder clap]
Listen, calm down.
Whatever you're thinking about doing, look, don't.
Let's talk.
There's nothing to talk about this.
I didn't come here for conversation.
I came here for silence.
Absolute silence.
Turn around!
Turn on.
- Okay, okay. - Turn around!
- Okay, okay... - Take it easy.
Okay.
Take it easy.
All right, all right, all right.
Look, you do not have to do this.
Look, just tell me what you need.
I need you to stop talking, into the office.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Go! Go! Go! Go! No! Go!
- Move, move, move, move! - Okay.
Move! Move! I'm not playing with you, Pastor.
Okay, okay, okay.
All right.
Now, where's your cell phone?
I left it in my car.
I did not want to be disturbed.
I hope you're not lying to me, Pastor.
Look, why would I do that?
I am not lying.
Look, if you don't believe me, you can search me.
[thunder rumbling]
Pastor, Pastor, sit.
Sit down and put your hands down!
What? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, a resignation letter, Pastor?
Oh. You're quitting.
While the rest of us are stuck.
Stuck here, trying to make some... trying to make some sense of as hell.
Hey, hey, what's your name?
It doesn't matter.
Hey, look, it matters to me.
You came here
and set letters on the pulpit like a shrine.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
That's you in that photo, isn't it?
It doesn't make a difference. Who it is you'll find out.
You'll find out, you'll find out when you...
it comes to you, Pastor.
Hey, look, at least tell me if you are a member here or not.
[loud thunder clap]
I was.
Then why won't you tell me your name?
It doesn't matter!
You'll find out when it is time.
I see you wearing your wedding ring.
Yes.
Yes, yes, I am.
Because it's all that I have left!
And that-that, that-that... haunting silence.
And no answers.
[loud thunder clap]
And the rest of the world, the rest of the world, the rest of the world
just going by like they...
never even,
existed.
Listen, listen.
Is the they you're talking about your family?
Pastor.
Hey, our plights aren't too different.
I came here tonight to say goodbye to this place as well.
Not because I stop believing in God, but because I stop believing he hears me.
[laughing]
How dare you?!
Plights! You don't know my life!
And my life is not like your life!
Can I please go to the restroom? It's just through there.
[thunder rumbling in the distance]
[crying and whimpering]
I hope... that you're not trying to...
I hope. You're not trying to trick me, Pastor.
I won't.
Hey, this is not a trick.
I've been here for hours.
Just finished my fourth cup of coffee, so it's just running right through me.
[thunder rumbling]
Go ahead.
Okay.
All right. [thunder rumbling]
Pastor, I don't hear any water, going on in there.
I don't hear anything going on in there, Pastor, what are you doing?
[water running]
[thunder rumbling]
[water running]
Do you know what the worst part of it is?
[thunder rumbling]
No, tell me.
[thunder rumbling]
It's everyone saying that God,
works in mysterious ways.
[thunder rumbling]
[laughing] Oh...
You ever tell anybody that, Pastor?
That God works in mysterious ways?
Yes, I have.
[thunder rumbling]
Did you believe it when you said it?
[thunder rumbling]
I did when I said it.
But now.
I don't know what I believe in.
Ooh, well.
At least you are honest.
[loud thunder clap]
What the.
The power just went out.
That happens whenever we get a storm.
Okay, come on, come on, come on.
Move.
Don't try anything.
Come on, come on.
Hands, keep them up high, Pastor.
- Okay. - Keep 'em up high.
- Okay. - Keep 'em up, high.
- Okay. - Keep 'em up.
Now sit back down, Pastor.
Okay, I get it.
You're scared.
I'm not scared.
I'm.
I'm. I'm done!
Good.
The generator kicked back in.
But if the lights go out again, it will reduce the power to 50%.
Ah,
nothing is going as planned.
I came here to give,
you a message!
And and none of this.
None of this this, none of it!
Is gonna change.
My mind.
Hey, your pain, your pain, I can't imagine it.
But this isn't the way!
[gun shot]
[thunder rumbling]
Now, the next one won't miss.
Stay. Sitting. Down.
Pastor.
This will be over soon.
What does that mean?
Oh. You'll find out.
Whatever you're going through, it can't be that bad.
Right.
Right! Right, right!
You're right!
Like!
[thunder rumbling]
God has a plan.
Hallelujah!
They're all in heaven.
Praise the Lord!
God is good!
All the time!
God is good!
[thunder rumbling]
Oh. Pastor.
[thunder rumbling]
My 12-year-old granddaughter.
She had a whole life ahead of her.
What kind of plan takes that all away?
Huh?
So something did happen to your family.
Pastor.
Pastor, please.
[thunder rumbling]
Oh.
Oh!
The pastor drinks.
[thunder rumbling]
[laughing]
The pastor is human.
It isn't mine.
It's from a guy I refuse counsel.
He left it here.
Vowing to never drink again.
[laughing]
To the God that isn't real.
Mmmmh. Ooh, ooh.
Umm.
[thunder rumbling]
Nah uh.
Drink.
Man of God.
Now, what is that gonna prove?
Hmm?
Maybe just that misery loves company.
[thunder rumbling]
Drink!
[thunder rumbling]
Now you take a drink...
or I will shoot you.
[thunder rumbling]
Now, does that make you feel better?
Do you think that is gonna keep me out of heaven?
I just wanted to see, see, see, see, you've your hypocrisy.
I am done.
I am through with this conversation!
Oh.
Now,
Pastor...
Isn't it your duty to do whatever you have to,
to save my life?
How am I supposed to do that?
I want you.
To look...
inside that box and pull out that-that,
that Bible that you have buried there, and I want,
you to give me some divine message...
about how God!
Is gonna take my pain away!
Go ahead!
[thunder rumbling]
Give me thee word!
You have all the answers.
Why don't you tell me?
Ooh, Pastor, why do you have to be so cynical?
[thunder rumbling]
You wearing that collar.
And as long as you are wearing,
that collar,
you're supposed to take care of your sheep.
[thunder rumbling]
Find me a word!
[loud thunder clap]
That didn't sound good.
Oh, oh! Don't, don't, don't, don't you try it.
I'm not.
But I do need to go see what happened.
Fine.
Come on.
Come on, Pastor, and I am...
Move the chair.
Mm hmm.
Go ahead, and I'm right behind you.
[traffic]
[raining]
Yeah, that's, that's, that's a good one.
I hope you don't use that on me tomorrow.
Be...
quiet.
Woo!
It's raining cats and dogs outside.
Oh, finally, I was starting to believe,
that no one was coming.
Marcus, you still here?
Yeah, you know wanna,
have her here by herself.
Where's David?
Uh, I haven't seen him since this morning.
Oh, Marcus, thank you for staying with her.
Of course, baby.
You are so good to us,
but I got her from here.
Okay. Thanks.
You want something to eat before you leave?
No, no, no, no, I'm fine.
I will see you bright and early,
Mrs. Hazel.
All right.
Have a good night, Marcus, all right?
- Did you have a good day? - Okay.
I'mma call David, okay?
[thunder rumbling]
[phone ringing]
David.
I've been calling you all day.
Can you please call me back?
It's not like you not to answer my calls.
You're going straight to voicemail.
Call me back.
I'm kind of worried.
[thunder rumbling]
He's not answering.
Umm, ah.
Are you ready to eat?
Let's eat.
Oh, come on.
Let's eat.
[thunder rumbling]
I just need to see what's going on with the church.
Okay, but I told you.
Take it easy.
Nothing funny, Pastor.
[water dripping]
[thunder rumbling]
That doesn't look good.
[laughing] But it's fitting, though.
That water's gonna warp the floor if we don't do something.
We?
I'm holding you hostage, remember?
I haven't forgotten.
I have some buckets and the tarp in the storage closet.
I'm just going to get them.
Fine.
Fine, but don't do anything tricky, Pastor.
Don't try to be slick, or you will get an express ticket to the afterlife.
Let's go.
[gospel music] [thunder crackles]
Can you carry this?
[gospel music continues]
[singer singing]
[gospel music continues]
Can I get that tarp?
[gospel music continues]
[singer singing]
Could you give me a hand with this tarp, please?
[gospel music]
[gospel music continues]
You do look familiar.
You said earlier that.
You attended church here.
Yes. 8:30 service.
Ah. The 8:30 ghosts.
That's what Angela called the early service members.
We always sat in the back, and we left.
During the final hymn, so that we could beat the traffic.
Mitchell?
Sarah Mitchell, I remember now.
Your husband was on the men's retreat planning committee.
Yup.
Uh huh.
He organized the fishing tournament.
And you taught Sunday school, if I remember correctly.
Third and fourth grade.
For six years.
You were more than just casual attendees.
Mm.
Ah.
I...
I grew up in the church.
Sunday school, youth group.
Bible camp every summer.
Now, I was that girl,
that memorized all 66 books of the Bible.
I can see that.
I went to Bible College, majored in Christian education.
I was planning to be a...
a missionary before I met Mark.
[water dripping]
Where did you guys meet?
Uh, in a...
mission trip in Guatemala.
[rattling pails]
We were helping build homes for the...
[rattling pails]
hurricane victims.
[water dripping]
Now, Mark.
He knew the Bible better than I did.
And he could make me laugh.
[laughter] And I'm not talking about that fake laugh.
I'm talking about that-that deep bellowing
that. That. That laughter from the soul.
It's like, ah ha-ha you know?
Oh, my goodness.
You guys were the perfect church family.
We tried to be. church every Sunday.
We paid our ties.
We did devotions, every night and look where it got us.
The accident.
I I got a call from Jonathan Moore,
who was head of the ER, the clergy ER that night.
I remember.
You were there?
Yes.
You were still in shock.
I don't expect for you to remember.
I. I.
I remember that... you held me when they told me.
I did.
That they were gone,
calling their names over and over and over.
Emily, Jason, Lilly and Mark.
Emily loved taking photos.
Jason loved dinosaurs,
and Lily, just lost her first tooth.
The drunk driver...
I met with him.
A damaged and broken man.
I went to meet with him,
and I. I. I couldn't speak, and I looked at him, and
he looked like a monster.
He looked like the devil.
And I...
I. I just ran out
of the room as fast as I could.
He came to me for counsel.
What?
About a week ago.
He came by, wanting to talk about what he had done,
how alcohol was anchor around his neck.
And?
I turned him away.
I wasn't in any condition to counsel, anyone.
So. I just referred him to a clergy friend of mine.
Okay, let's go, let's go, let's go.
Come on, Pastor, let's go, let's go, let's go.
We got to go back to the office.
Let's go, Pastor.
Let's go back to the office.
Come on.
Let's go. Let's go.
Okay.
Come on.
[a loud thunder clap]
You still haven't told me, why.
Why what?
Why a loving God, would let my family die?
[sigh]
I can't.
Try.
I want to hear the speech.
I want to hear what you have been,
telling grieving widows and parents
that have lost, their loved ones.
The speech that you don't believe.
Oh, how about my favorite?
Joy comes in the morning.
Or God works everything's out for good.
God never gives us more than we can handle.
Oh!
Sarah, calm down.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, your family in heaven.
Oh, oh, ooh.
There is, there is, there is power.
There is a message in this pain.
That this... there is a test that will strengthen your faith.
How. How dare you?
These are lies.
They're lies, they're all lies!
My family, my family, they're laying in the ground rottening.
They're all dead.
The house.
The house is empty and their clothes.
Their clothes, their clothes...
still smell like them.
How can you tell me?
[heavy breathing] There is a lesson, there is a message,
there is something in the pain.
You're right.
It's all just words.
Desperate attempts to make sense out of a senseless world.
Hey, this won't bring them back.
I don't want to take it.
I don't want to stay here.
I want to go.
I want to go where they are.
And what if there's nothing?
What if this life is all we get?
I spent years telling people about heaven.
And now.
I just don't know.
But I do know that ending your life,
dishonest their memory.
[screaming and yelling]
[gun shot]
[heart beating]
Oooh!
[heart beating]
I can't breathe...
[heart beating]
Don't let me die!
[heart beating]
- It was an accident. - Wooo!
It was an accident. I shouldn't have grabbed for the gun,
No... no... no...
But we do need to get downstairs to get that first aid kit.
Where's... Where's your first aid kit?
Come on, come on.
Come on.
Come on, take it easy.
Easy.
Go. Look, come on, come on.
All right, can you do it? You good?
All right.
Oh, no, oh!
You okay?
I'm all right.
Oh.
- Here we got it. - You got it?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- Whoa! - Yes.
Yeah.
Here. Let's move everything back.
All right, okay.
There'll be some antiseptic wipes in there.
Okay.
All right.
[umm]
You're gonna have to cut this shirt and some scissors in there.
Okay, got the scissors. And the antiseptic wipes.
All right.
Okay.
Here we go, here we go.
You know what?
Let me come around next. That side.
All right.
Okay, sweetie.
All right.
Here we go.
Yeah.
- A little bit. - Let me get there.
Okay, okay.
Just let me get there.
All right.
All right. Whoo.
All right, baby.
- You see it? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ah. Okay.
Just let me check it out.
Ah, ah!
I am so sorry.
- Ah, ah! - Oh. Oh, my goodness.
You see that?
Okay, oh, oh, here we go.
- Ah, ah! - Here we go.
- Ah, ah! - All right.
Okay.
Ooh.
Woo. Um.
The bullet didn't penetrate.
All right.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Ooh, I know it's gonna burn.
- Ah, ah! - Oh, I'm sorry.
Wooo. I ooh.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
Now, you're gonna need some stitches, but I can't do that.
You know what?
Butterfly bandages will work. But we'll get to that...
Ooh! Ah.
Okay...
Yeah, just wrap it up. Just wrap it up.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Just wrap it up. Just wrap it up.
[grunting]
Okay, let me.
Okay, just hold it over here a little bit, please.
Ah. I'm I know, my.
I know. I know. I know.
There we go.
Oh.
Okay, how's that?
Is that anything better?
There we go.
Whoo.
Oh, my goodness you know what? Um,
when my kids would get hurt, I would be the calm one,
you know, and my my husband, Mark, he would be the one.
He would be so upset, and I I could handle everything and here I am.
I can't even
take care of you.
You're bleeding. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
You know what?
You're doing just fine.
Well, you should hate me.
Well, I don't.
Why not?
- I'm holding you hostage. - Here.
Because I see a person in pain,
not an enemy, just a wounded sheep.
[mumbling] Okay.
I wish I had some water.
Okay...
Deep breaths.
You know.
You're good at this.
Ah. [laughter]
Lily?
Oh, that girl, she was wild.
She was always falling and climbing and jumping.
And, uh, I'd have to take care of her.
One time, she tried to do a cartwheel off of
the the living room table and she had the stitches all across her chin.
Sounds like a spirited kid.
Oh, she was, she was.
They all were.
So...
You know what? That's what it was.
That's why I couldn't leave that night.
I knew it was something.
When your parents got there, the way they were.
Caring for you while you were in pain, and how nobody was
paying attention on what happened to your family.
So, I stayed in the chapel, and I prayed for them.
Lily, Jason, Emily, and Mark.
I said their names over and over.
I don't know why, but it just felt necessary.
Thank you for remembering them.
For remembering them as people and not victims.
I appreciate that.
Wait, hold up, Doc.
Before you wrap that up, let me get
one of them orange suckers you got in there.
[laughter] Oh! Ah.
Oh.
That's gonna make me feel better.
I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
You are welcome.
So.
What do we do now?
Um, I don't know.
I guess go back to my office.
Yeah, we can, but you know I'm holding you hostage.
I've got a gun.
I'm starting to get cold.
All right.
Well, you still.
You still got a little bit of whiskey left and that work as a sedative.
Okay.
Mmm.
Ooh.
Easy, easy, easy.
All right.
Okay, go, whoa, whoa, go, be careful, careful.
[singer singing]
Come on, I gotcha you...
All right, I gotcha.
Come on.
Ah!
Oh.
Breathe, breat, breat, breathe.
Okay.
Wait. wait. Okay.
Okay.
Come on, you can do it.
You know what?
I have to take a break.
Okay.
All right...
Okay, take it easy.
Oh.
Come on
Easy.
[grunting] Okay.
Ooh.
Ooh, I got some'em.
Ah.
Got it, get it. Can you get it?
Can you get that out of my back pocket for me?
Oh, yeah.
Ah.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
Ooh.
Well, we didn't have to go to your office.
[laughter] You could have just pull it out in there.
Ummm. Help me get that, help me with that.
Oh, come on.
Okay, there you go.
Yeah.
- Ah. - Whoo!
If my congregation could see me now.
[laughing] Oh.
Ah. You know, I am.
Trying to decide whether I should call the authorities for an ambulance.
No, let's not worry about that just yet.
But you need to see a professional for that arm.
I have a question for you.
Okay.
Why were you so afraid of dying when you had a panic attack?
Okay, but, um, first, I want you to tell me
why you're so mad at God.
My mother.
We had a bond unlike anyone else I've ever known.
She was the one who taught me how to pray, how to read the Bible.
How to see God in everything.
She was the first one in church.
She was the last one to leave.
Always volunteering.
Always.
She supported me in every way.
Even when I decided
to go to the ministry without my father's wishes.
I know this may sound ridiculous, but.
I thought my mother was the closest thing to the Virgin Mary.
Oh. Wow.
Loving. selfless, so caring.
Mm.
But when she got cancer.
When the the pain became so unbearable,
She blamed God.
She even blamed me for having her have faith in HIM.
She began to curse, swear.
My mother just screaming to God.
Screaming out that screaming out that God had abandoned her.
During COVID, I had done what felt like
100 funerals.
And I witnessed miracles.
The lame walk, the sick healed.
I've witnessed prayers
that defied explanation.
So I started a prayer team.
Intercessors.
I mean, we prayed day and night.
I was certain.
Absolutely certain God would heal her.
But the pain became so increasingly unbearable,
that she begged me to take her life.
My mother, the woman who
taught me to have faith was begging
her pastor son to help her die.
I couldn't understand how God could allow her...
to lose her faith, her dignity.
And we were all praying so hard.
The last coherent things she said to me was,
Where is your God?
Where is your God now, David?
After that, standing in that pulpit felt like theater.
Hollow words, empty promises.
How could I tell someone grieving to believe in God?
When I no longer believe in myself?
You know.
My mother in law said something similar to me.
She said that, God is good.
He has a plan.
I wanted to scream...
I wanted to scream and never stop-stop screaming.
I understand that feeling.
Now it's your turn.
Tell me.
Why were you so afraid to die during your panic attack?
I think we should go and check those water pots.
Come on.
You think you can do it?
Come on.
I'm gonna need some help.
All right.
Come on. Just lean on me.
Come on. Up. Up. Up.
Okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
All right, here we go.
Come on, gotcha, gotcha.
All right, take it easy.
Let a breath out. Take a deep breath.
You ready?
All right, come on, come on.
Okay.
All right.
Come on.
Here we go.
You just sit right.
Make yourself comfortable.
All right, you good?
You good right there?
Yeah.
All right.
You know, I thought that.
This was gonna be different.
That I would be in control.
[pouring water]
[bucket clanging]
But.
Thinking I would be ready, but when I could not breathe,
when I thought that I was dying, I
I was terrified.
Do you know why I came here tonight specifically?
No.
It's our anniversary.
Mark and I would have been married for 35 years today.
And it's also the anniversary of the argument.
What argument?
We were running late for church, and I was furious.
And I was yelling at Mark about driving faster, drive faster.
Shouting at Emily about staying out late, not wanting to go to church.
And I was mad at Jason about reading that dinosaur book.
And Lily had spilt
juice down the front of her dress.
And I was. I was just beside myself
My last words to my family.
They were angry words.
And it was all about being late
for church, all about appearances.
What would everybody think if...
the Sunday school teacher's family came in late.
We were arguing when that truck hit us.
If. If we would not have gone to church that Sunday,
If I wasn't so concerned about being on time, if we would have just,
If.
If we would have just stayed home...
Sarah...
No, no, no, no.
You asked why I was afraid.
I'm terrified that God...
is punishing me, that my family is,
up in heaven, and and I won't be able to,
join them because their death is on,
my hands, and that is why God didn't take me to.
That's not how it works.
How do you know?
That accident wasn't a punishment.
It was just... an accident.
[water pouring]
How can you be so sure?
Because if God punished people like that, none of us would survive.
Then why?
Why them?
Why not me, too?
I don't know.
And I want won't pretend to have the answer.
But it wasn't because you argued that morning.
[singer vocalizing]
I've got to check on something.
Sarah.
[dramatic music]
Pastor!
Sarah, don't...
No, no, no, I'm not gonna shoot you.
But I am gonna do what I came here to do.
No, Sarah.
Look, Sarah, don't do this.
Why not?
Look Give me some reason that is not
some platitude, some reason that is not from some sermon.
Because I need you.
What?
You coming in here tonight.
Must have been God.
Couldn't have been a coincidence.
Oh, so God, so, now you believe in God, again.
I don't know what I believe anymore, but I know I don't want you to die.
You coming here tonight of all nights,
you remind me so much of my mother.
I'm nothing like your mother.
Look, the care you took... even when...
you were in pain, you still cared for my arm.
And that's who you are, Sarah.
Even when you're falling apart, you still care.
You love.
Then if what you're saying is true, and God sent me to you,
then either...
God is in it, or it's just some, some,
chaotic, some chaotic coincident.
Maybe that's it.
That we're both looking for certainty where there isn't any.
Maybe faith isn't about having all the answers.
Maybe it's about continuing when we don't.
That is not good enough.
Look, that's all I have.
What if we're both wrong?
What if God isn't punishment or reward?
Maybe he's just,
present.
Well, if God is present, then why does it hurt so much?
Look, I don't know.
But I know I don't want you to die.
And your family wouldn't want this either.
You don't know what my family would want.
I know they loved you, and I know they loved you very much.
And love doesn't want destruction,
love wants life.
I don't know how to live without them.
Neither do I. Without my mother,
without my my faith as it was.
Maybe we weren't meant to go through this alone.
Maybe we were meant to go through this together.
What are you saying?
We can do this.
Us.
My grandmother, a wise woman, as I'm realizing
at this moment, she hasn't spoken in years.
But she speaks through these cards.
Until now, I didn't know why.
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things that I cannot change,
and the courage to change the things that I can,
and the wisdom, the wisdom to know the difference.
We're gonna make it through this.
Okay?
We're gonna make it.
[gospel music]
I hope that you're not considering suicide.
No.
Just contemplating the night.
Oh. Woo!
These pews are not designed for sleeping.
[laughter] Tell that to my congregation during Sunday sermons.
Mmm.
Can you ever forgive me for holding you hostage and for shooting you?
Of course I forgive you.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Now, I want to talk to you about something that you told me about your mother.
You said that she cursed at the end, that she questioned God.
Yes.
And that that is one of the reasons you lost your faith, because if she...
could lose her faith...
She was the most devout woman I've ever known.
I don't believe that God,
forsook her.
Jesus didn't forsake her.
I worked in hospice care.
While I was in nursing, training, and I saw a lot of people,
at the end.
And pain.
Whew. Pain changes people.
Medication.
It changes people and dying.
It changes people.
David.
In the natural world,
the human heart only weighs about 10 ounces.
I don't understand.
But in the spiritual world,
it is the heart that protects the soul.
It is the guardian of who we truly are.
Now... your mother.
That 10-ounce muscle...
that beat inside of her for 70 years,
it carried. It carried love.
It carried faith, it carried devotion.
And the pain of a mind,
and all of the suffering, the uttering from the suffering.
God weighs,
not the words that we speak when we're in agony, but the heart.
Her heart.
Oh!
It was pure.
Her heart was pure love, and it carried her safely home.
Now,
you remember the story about Jesus
and the thief on the cross next to him?
Jesus didn't save him because he was
ah, ah, ah, devout.
No.
He didn't save him because he, he...
was a tither or because he took care of animals and people,
because he fed the hungry, clothed the naked.
No, Jesus saved him.
Because at that moment,
at that moment, faith, when he said, "Master, when
you go home to heaven, I want to go with you."
That was all Jesus needed to hear.
That act of faith at that moment
after a lifetime of sin and selfishness,
those words, that faith at that time.
He went with Jesus.
So, ah, you know,
what that band ooh, that bandage, we're gonna need to change bandage.
Come on, come on, come on.
- Follow me to the kitchen. - All right.
Come on, come on. Up. Up.
Come on. Baby
[gospel music]
TruVine, I need a little help in here today.
Now, where is your faith?
See, see, see, now, now.
Faith, just... just isn't believing that everything is going all right.
You, you see, true faith is trusting in God.
Now, now, now, I don't know about y'all today, but I came here to praise God.
Did you come here to praise God with me?
Amen, amen!
TrueVine, repeat after me.
Where is your faith?!
Glory be to God.
Amen, amen.
Now, I just want to leave y'all with a little something.
You know, this song, my mother, she loved this song, and I'm
sure we all have sang this song so many times.
So just sing along with me, and we're gonna praise God together.
Amen.
Ah.
♪ Amazing grace, ♪
♪ how sweet the sound, ♪
♪ that saved ♪
♪ a wretch, ♪
♪ like me, ♪
♪ I once was lost, ♪
♪ but now I'm found, ♪
♪ was blind but now, ♪
♪ I see, ♪
♪ ah amazing grace! ♪
♪ How sweet the sound... ♪
♪ that saved a wretch. ♪
♪ Like me! ♪
♪ I once was lost. ♪
♪ But now I'm found, ♪
♪ was blind. ♪
♪ But now I see! ♪
[crying]
[gospel music]
Remember this?
Ooh, you was hot when you gave me this one.
[laughing] Calm down.
You wasn't having it that day.
Your head was rolling.
All in my business.
I was, I was Grandma Ruth, I found it again.
Well, I will.
Well, I will leave you two to it.
All right.
Thank you.
I found my faith in the most unexpected place with the most unexpected person.
This card saved my life.
Helped save someone else's life, too.
And I'm not resigning from the church.
[laughing] I am staying.
You know, I met a woman that night.
Sarah.
She was in as much pain as I was.
Maybe more.
But we help each other find our way back.
Now, not to certainty, but to hope
the willingness to keep on going.
Now, I know you can't speak, Mama Ruth, but I
just wanted you to know that it was your wisdom and your love
to help us get right back on track.
Um, Grandma Ruth, where are your cards?
I put them away.
Grandma Ruth, you're speaking.
When you came here yesterday.
So much, anger, and hurt, I saw myself,
in your eyes.
I've been pretending for years, David.
Had the answer.
What do you mean?
When your mother got sick, when she passed,
I was furious with God.
God isn't supposed to take your children before you.
Especially one. So pure and God-fearing.
Oh, I became so angry.
But everyone expected me,
to be the strong one, the faithful one.
Huh. So I stopped talking, not,
just the people, but especially God.
I did know you felt that way.
I know, baby.
But I didn't want your faith to be shaken by my lack of it.
So, those cards became my hiding place.
Oh, I could give wisdom without facing my own doubt.
Without admitting, I was just as lost as everyone else.
Ooh.
But when you, when you came.
With all your pain, I... I realized,
I could not go on living a lie.
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
So...
I started praying again.
Really praying.
Not just reciting pretty words, but wrestling.
Wrestling with God, like Jacob at the river...
And he answered, "Yes."
But not until I ask him for forgiveness.
And mean it.
I prayed for you all night, David.
I asked God to take away your anger, your hurt,
your pain, and help you get back to him.
Hmm.
Sometimes, God uses our brokenness to help others.
Mm-hmm.
And I prayed that that night so, so,
hard, I felt like Jesus in the garden.
Your honesty.
Your honesty that morning.
Helped me to find my voice again.
And my prayers, [laughter] help you.
They help bring you back home.
And we both found our faith again.
Hmm.
That's how God works, baby.
He uses broken people to help other broken people.
Now that's the real miracle!
That's it.
I love you, Grandma Ruth.
[laughter] I love you, too, baby.
More than words, more than you'll ever know.
[piano music] singer vocalizing]
Thank you, Lord.
Yes, Lord. Thank you, Lord.
Yes, Lord. Amen.
[gospel music]
[gospel music continues]