The following programme contains distressing scenes.
This programme also contains themes of suicide.
CREW:Scene one, take two, audio track three.
I'm gonna get comfortable cos I don't know what we're
talking about, but I'm gonna take my socks off.
DIRECTOR:Get your dogs out. My Cinderella feet,
waiting for someone to put the golden slippers on 'em.
That's what I need.
Are there any frogs out there for me I can kiss
and be a real prince, please?
What sort of fella would you want now?
Right, do you want to know the truth? Yeah.
What kind of man I'd manifest for. Right.
Someone older. Yeah.
But they've still got to be fit. Yeah, right.
I normally go for, like, late '20s, early '30s.
Yeah, you've got... I think I'm done with that now.
Someone who can treat me, someone who doesn't have to be
in and out my pockets all the time.
Someone supportive, someone who understands my job,
someone who wants to be private, who doesn't want to be famous,
just know for me, not about everything else.
I won't settle for anything less of what I want in a man
because I'm not doing it any more, I'm not doing it to myself.
I'm not doing it to the kids, or my family
cos they're sick of it, it's not fair on them.
- WOMAN 1: - She justannounced that she got engagedto a random man in Dubai.
- WOMAN 2: - Businessman, entrepreneur Lee Andrews.
INTERVIEWER:She got married with no family,
just two days after the engagement. Damn!
KATIE: Look at that, you've absolutely spoiled me.
Oof!
Um, it's left her family totally and utterly baffled.
And...
What's she... I said to Am, what she going to Dubai for?
"See a bloke". I said I, I...
What, what's it, and then we find out you're getting married.
You're off your head! And then, the geezer in the paper
pretending he's a millionaire.
DIRECTOR:Are you cross with her? Oh, 100%.
This is the most silliest, stupidest thing.
PRINCESS:What?
Marrying a guy that we don't even know.
I, I've... Well, this just sums it up.
This is my mum, this is what she does.
Yeah.
Me, Dan and Sophie, we go, "Why?"
Why, why, why, it's always... (SIGHS)
DIRECTOR:You've said that word a lot, have you?
Yeah. All the time.
I really would like to get to the bottom of her.
I'm walking around, I'm in my dressing room, I'm upstairs,
I'm like, "What shall I do? I'm bored!"
I need the kids to come home.
'About a month after me and Pete split, I was in my big house.'
I didn't just split up with Pete, everyone had gone.
Claire, Pete, my management team.
One minute, we're all like family and the next thing it's gone, gone.
There's no Mum, Dad and your kids together, it's separate.
Hello!
'Harvey, I don't think he understood.
'Princess was only a year and a half and Junior, was what, three or four.
'They didn't understand and they wanted me.
'But I had to share them with Pete.'
I would never stop the kids seeing their dads anyway
because I'm not that kind of person.
'My dad wasn't around growing up,
'and I would never want that to happen to my kids.'
But in a way, it happened so young that I don't think
it would have affected them.
But then, saying that, everything stems from
your childhood, doesn't it?
MAN:Pete?
Get in there, dude!
I don't want anyone inside the driveway, you hear me?
No-one.
That is your corner mate, stay back. OK, cool. No worries.
AMY:It wasn't just a simple break away.
We had to sort of start organising when Pete's gonna have the children,
when she's gonna have the children.
I think it worked one week there, one week there, whatever.
She was, she was devastated, you know.
Kiss, bye-bye. Right.
I'm going home.
See... She's had her baby.
No.
DIRECTOR:It's hard. It is hard, yeah. It was hard.
See you tomorrow! PRINCESS:Bye, Mummy.
She's never liked being on her own.
That's when she's most vulnerable, I think.
KATIE: I was lonely.
And that's why doing the filming was a good thing for me,
it was like a security that I've got the support and someone's with me.
I contacted ITV and said, "I want to continue with the reality show,
"let's just do it right now, let's just start."
What Katie Did Next, it was different, felt free.
This is the fresh me, the new chapter.
It was all mine, not being controlled
and I chose the film crew.
(BACKGROUND CHATTER)
The first time I met Kate. (CHUCKLES) Yeah, I'm...
I remember walking in to the house, and uh...
She's very sort of forthcoming when you sort of meet her.
She will sort of say things, "Oh! Hello, Ben!" Like...
"Oh, did you have pictures of me on your wall when you were younger?"
It was all, it was sort of things like that.
But to be honest, it puts you at ease straight away.
You had to kind of get in line with it, otherwise,
it would be a very uncomfortable few weeks.
I split with Pete, we're going through a divorce,
so welcome to my journey of independent woman, whoo!
I think we were filling a void at that time.
Quite often, we'd get to the end of the filming day
and she'd say to us, "Do you want to stay for a curry?" Or you know,
"Do you want to stay overnight, you can sleep in the spare bedroom?"
You did get this sense that she wanted us there.
So, half past four and I'm thinking everyone's
gonna be gone in a minute and what do I do?
Kids will be home.
Suppose I could go in the swimming pool with them.
DIRECTOR:Have you got memories of that?
I think I've only got two memories
of seeing my mum and dad together in person.
Yeah, I don't actually ever remember them being together.
I just always remember being at Dad's, then Mum's.
Hey, kids?!
It was actually really fun for us growing up in separate households.
Mum is a very fun mum.
Beep, beep! 'Very loving in her own way.'
Did you miss Mummy? Did you?!
There weren't really many rules. Just imagine, you know,
kids just running around, high on sugar.
It's like a mad house!
(WAILS)
We never did anything to, like, really cross boundaries
but Mum didn't really have any boundaries anyway to cross.
(SHOUTING) Quick! Junior?
- You're gonna go to Daddy's. Do you want to see Daddy? - Yeah.
JUNIOR:With our Dad, we've got rules, we've got a bedtime,
it was more routined, which I'm very thankful for,
because it, it actually kept our sanity!
Yeah, you never have a boring with her.
There's always something going on in her life.
ALL:Katie! Katie! Katie!
(ALL SCREAMING)
KATIE: We're sharing the kids, I've got time on my hands.
Just cos I've split with Pete, I'm not gonna sit at home on my own
dwelling, thinking about it. Just get on with work, keep busy.
I was still massive, like, in demand.
It was quite amazing really, after all the bad press that she got,
people still bought in to her and she was still successful.
She was probably at the height of her fame,
and the height of her wealth as well. She was reported to be worth
40 million or something, she's got a few quid in the bank.
(PEOPLE SHOUTING, CAMERAS CLICKING)
She was big business, obscene amounts of money.
But she had no management. Yeah, it was just messy.
It just needed straightening up a bit.
I think if you put more in it, you get more out of it.
'So, I kind of decided to set up Black Sheep Management.'
I think he called it Black Sheep cos I'm like
the black sheep of the family, the odd one.
I also did the finances so I made sure that invoices were sent,
invoices were paid.
The accountants, the lawyer, the divorce lawyer, make-up,
equestrian, horse fees.
Hello! He's such a good boy. (HORSE SMACKS LIPS)
We'd have difficult conversations, sometimes we'd have fall-outs
because she needs help with control.
DIRECTOR:Are you good with money?
Do you know, it's not that I'm not good with money,
it's I just have a lot of expenses.
And what can I say? You know, having horses,
horses isn't a cheap hobby. You know, having dogs and cats,
chickens, sheep, gardens, you need gardeners, this, that.
I'm not gonna sit on a tractor, am I? And mow my bloody grass.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
All we tried to do is just have a little bit of structure
in her world, cos it was so chaotic.
(CAMERAS CLICKING, CHATTER)
At that time, Kate's a bit lost.
She's just gone through a break-up
and some people deal with it differently.
Some people hide away, some people go out
and come to my 30th birthday party and meet Alex Reid! (LAUGHS)
Right, let's go, baby!
CREW:Take one, audio track three.
Can I go and do a few more bicep curls?
(CHUCKLES)
Hey, Michelle! Whoo-hoo!
MICHELLE:It happened to be my 30th birthday party.
Look at you, baby!
All of our friends were there and we were saying to Kate, you know,
"Maybe just come out, let your hair down."
You look gorgeous!
Michelle Heaton and me go back so many years.
She was the pop star, I was the model,
we was a good little duo when we went out.
This particular night, I remember wearing a little tutu -
I was in to tutus then, like a little corset tops.
DIRECTOR:So, you're looking hot?
So I was looking hot, I was looking fucking hot actually.
Let's go!
'Alex walks in and had this aura.'
You know, the broken nose look and I was like, "Phwoar, yeah!"
He was like a walking weapon, he was a perfect rebound.
Absolutely perfect rebound.
I was known as "The Reidinator".
Alex "The Reidinator" Reid!
(CROWD CHEERING)
In the fighting world, my character was "never say die".
A bit like Rocky, kept, keep getting up.
People saying he's like a robot, he's like a machine.
In fact, he's like the Terminator. And my trainer said,
"He's not the Terminator, he's the Reidinator," and it just stuck.
- What's your name? How you doing? - How are you?
'Kate was extremely attractive and I was extremely attracted to her.
'There was clearly a chemistry.
'We couldn't keep our hands off each other.'
The next day after the party, me and my husband were downstairs
in the, erm, in the kitchen, having breakfast.
And Alex walks down and he's, he's butt naked.
Pretty, I mean, he's butt naked!
It was fantastic. Oh, yeah, it was very fantastic!
(LAUGHS)
I thought she was fun.
They had a great... I heard the fun. DIRECTOR:What?
I heard the fun! What do you mean?
Upstairs! They were having a wild time.
Not my, not my cup of tea, you know?
My goodness!
KATIE: The sexual attraction was like off the scale.
It's like, sure, you could just feel it.
And I rushed things, I did. Without thinking.
I just wanted to see more and more of him, and he did me too.
It was, it was beautiful. I felt like we clicked.
You know. Mind and body.
MICHELLE:Kate's a sucker for love. When she likes somebody,
it's a relationship. Everything in, all on the table.
BEN:It was very quick. All of a sudden, he's living in her house
in Surrey. They're together, 24/7.
I was introduced to Harvey, Princess and Junior
pretty much straight away.
Oh, good job!
'We went to a local park, that was all papped.
'It was deliberately set up, though I didn't realise at the time,'
knowing that's gonna get massive headlines.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
We went to the park and set up pap pictures with the kids and stuff.
DIRECTOR:You set those up at that point, yeah?
I set all them up, yeah.
It was a hot day and he just took his top off, playing football,
that's all it was.
Of course, I got press over it cos it was the first man
I was with after Pete, so of course, it's like scandal and this and that.
Yeah, and I probably did go with him to try and make Pete jealous.
Yeah, of course.
CLEMMIE MOODIE:The optics, as people say, weren't great.
You know, this was definitely the narrative,
how hurt Peter was by seeing the new man,
a complete stranger relatively, you know, playing with his children.
And Kate was the pantomime villain, in this case.
We pulled back a bit, because our readers
were very Team Pete, very much so.
People weren't buying Kate and Alex's relationship.
I think they wanted her to be heartbroken for years.
And that relationship is, for our readers, not aspirational.
I was getting battered from every, every side of the coin.
I can't win, whatever I do.
Going in the jungle, it was a way of, again, like the first time,
show that I'm not this person they're writing about.
When Katie went back in 2009, people are still fascinated by her.
Oh, my bloody nails!
Katie helped put I'm A Celebrity on the map,
she always delivers. In TV wise,
she's always fascinating to watch.
But I think that judgement was there.
And on I'm A Celebrity, it's hard to play the same trick twice.
I'm just saying that we're not all big fans of Katie Price, that's all.
And what have you got against her, personally?
Well, if you must know...
Oh, for goodness sakes!
Hi! OTHERS:Hello!
It was just very confusing because this time in the jungle,
it was very different.
How are you? How are you? You all right?
I'm Kate, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you...
I just remember walking in, it was like...
If you went back to an old house you used to live in,
but it's not your family there, it's new people there.
But yet it's familiar surroundings.
Yeah, it was very weird, actually.
I didn't know how I'd feel to come back.
And it's weird that I'm on the same bed again and Pete, he was up there.
It was all the same smells, the same noises.
(BIRD CALLING)
But then when I went to bed at night,
I was so used to seeing Pete on the bed, but it wasn't.
It was very confusing and it would bring back
all memories of me and Pete.
'For people looking in, we were this perfect couple.
'But there were things that weren't right as well.'
It's all about communication and we didn't communicate.
But we could have worked through it, we could have done, looking back.
You can't turn back the clock now, it's weird.
Katie missed Pete and couldn't put the ghost to rest,
and also felt the judgement of the public much more harshly.
And maybe was much more vulnerable than she ever let slip,
and I think that showed and eventually,
she quit rather than got voted out.
Hey!
I couldn't do any more!
I was over in Australia. When she came out, they brought me in.
Don't be upset!
DIRECTOR:Where was Alex at this point?
As far as I was aware, Alex was at home watching from TV.
But um, actually he was on a flight before she even left the jungle,
on his way over to propose to her.
I went over to Australia where I'm A Celebrity was being filmed.
We'd flown him out, she didn't know he was coming.
And a story had come out that I'd gone shopping for her wedding ring.
And I was actually looking at rings!
Yeah, I was looking at rings in Dubai.
Cos she kept saying, "I'm up for getting married," and everything.
But it said I was gonna propose to her live on air.
When I come out, I found that he'd come over,
doing stories on me, like, how beggy is that?
Propose to me? He can go and fuck himself!
Like, no, thanks.
I didn't even want to see Alex.
She came out on the Ant and Dec interview.
Time to welcome the woman everyone's talking about.
Hi, and how pleased am I to be here.
Obviously, we're all as producers going, "Ah, he's about to turn up!"
We've all seen the stories in the papers.
Well, I've done a lot of reflecting, I don't want a relationship.
- As of? - I hope we can remain friends,as of I came out.- OK.
- So, you and Alex have split now? I'm not with him, no. - OK.
You can always guarantee something's gonna happen
when Katie Price is around. Whether it's a romance with Peter Andre
or dumping her wannabe fiance live on air.
ALEX:She's done a great job on me.
I was all over the place. I mean, I loved her.
I was like a lap dog.
I'd just do anything, you know, to be with her.
We got back to the hotel, he was in the foyer
and I wanted to die for him.
He was begging her to take him back and you just want to say to Alex,
"Please don't do this, please don't do this, don't do it."
But Kate also, also just wants that love as well.
And um, he was offering that.
Fucking hell!
I did spend the night with Alex, so...
Oh, you couldn't make it up, could you?
But I was very needy, vulnerable.
He filled the, the void that I was feeling.
Did we get married after that, then?
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
Kate and Alex's wedding is probably one of the most weirdest,
bizarrest days of my life.
KATIE: We got in the A-Team van to get to the church up the road.
Oh, it's filthy!
'Just a sea of people, sea of paps.'
I mean, I've never seen anything like it.
It was an absolute feeding frenzy from the paparazzi.
Over my dead body are any of these guys getting a picture!
Hello, right, they're on their way.
She didn't sell the wedding to any magazines.
OK wasn't, didn't have an exclusive.
So, the only people covering that wedding was us, was ITV.
So from the paparazzi's perspective, that made
a picture of Kate in her wedding dress unbelievably valuable.
Swear it's gonna fucking kick off!
Just cover me, cover me.
Please, they can't have a picture.
They're up trees, they're, you know, they were everywhere.
(MAN YELLING)
Katie, we've got to do it quickly. I can't, Gary, I can't!
It's not safe. It's not safe, they're there!
BEN:It was just absolute carnage trying to break in to the van,
trying to break in to the church.
Gary? Gary?! They've got it, you(BLEEP)!
When I compare it to Pete's and my wedding,
it was more professional security and all of that.
I'm not getting out! I'm not getting, they got a picture.
This was like, I think his mates were security or something,
it was just laughable, really.
(PEOPLE CLAMOURING)
Katie, let's go.
Go, go! Straight up...
'It was just carnage on a different level.'
Cheap, it was just cheap carnage.
(BLEEPING) Ow, you...(BLEEP)!
Keep your head down. (BLEEPING)
Really, they were signs, weren't they? Don't fucking do it!
But I did like my dress and my veil, I did like that.
We were there, we showed up as supportive friends,
but kind of knowing that it wasn't gonna last.
VICAR:We have come together in the presence of God...
"For better, for worse." Those marriage vows mean something to me.
With my body, I honour you. All that I am...
'I remember clear as day, Kate rolling her eyes.'
And all that I have... And all that I have...
...I share with you. ...I share with you.
I thought, "It's a bit off!"
I wasn't with her for the money.
But I'm gonna talk about the money cos it is im... It...
There is a money aspect to it.
We were still getting £200,000 from ITV,
cos they were filming the wedding.
DIRECTOR:For her reality show. For her reality show.
But of that £200,000, I was only getting 20%.
So, I was getting £40,000.
She wanted me to pay 50-50 for the wedding.
But the wedding was costing £200,000.
That would have bankrupted me. I'm like, "Why did I..?"
I've gone along with this but I've like, I kind of fooled myself.
She doesn't really care about this.
This is purely a business transaction.
(APPLAUSE) Thank you.
DIRECTOR:What was married life like then?
(SIGHS)
It, it, it didn't, it was, it kind of went downhill from there.
I can't wait to find out what Katie does next.
It is the who and only, Katie Price! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Wow, oh! No, this way, this way, this way.
You look fabulous. Muah!
So, it's all good with Alex? Very good.
And the cross-dressing thing, is that true?
Absolutely true, I've dressed him up myself.
But can I ask, is there a bit of leather involved and a whip?
He's very much into all... Every, you name it, he's into it.
I mean, he's only got one nipple because he had
a clamp on it during sex. Erm...
(LAUGHTER)
Talking about having sex with me. Erm, and...
It's just like, whatever you do in the privacy of your own home
should be private.
I didn't consider myself a, what do you call it,
a transvestite or a cross-dresser.
I think as any, any young person has experimented...
It wasn't a big thing, but she was like, stirring it on purpose.
Like, adding fuel to the fire on purpose
because it creates headlines.
I became a laughing stock.
This is the thing that's really hurt me. The jibes and the jokes.
I'm in an alpha-male cage fighting world.
She emasculated me.
I'm not gonna deny, when I first met him, it was all exciting.
But I'm telling you now, as soon as he started dressing as the woman
and it got worse and worse, it was the biggest ick.
And I thought, "What the fuck, Kate? Wake up, what are you doing?"
It was a rebound, he didn't bring anything to the table.
He was like another puppy dog, and I toyed with him, really.
You can see what happens, really.
She sort of gets fed up with them, I think.
WOMAN:Katie, on the right! On the right!
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
AMY:It's like a two-year cycle, in a way.
As she falls out of one relationship, she then just
puts the next stride into a new one,
and there's no time for reflection or a bit of me time.
We are engaged!
I've never known Kate to be single.
I, I've never known Kate to ever be on her own.
As a person, not even without a man, she doesn't like being in her house
on her own, she doesn't like being anywhere on her own.
I'd rush, rebound, rebound.
"Yeah, this will work, make it work. Marry him, do this, do that."
I will do it so quick without thinking,
so I was in that lust, honeymoon period.
Not really thinking about what I'm with and who the person really is.
I was just trying to find the same thing what I had with Pete.
That connection.
I wanted my family unit, and be happy ever after.
Did I tell you that I got,
tried to get social services involved with her?
DIRECTOR:No. Hmm.
This is at the very beginning.
She was 16.
It was the first boyfriend that she had.
She met him at the stables.
He was older than her.
He, he was definitely a wrong one.
She said, "I'm moving in with him."
I couldn't stop her.
So, I rung social services up and I said, "Look, can you help?
"I've tried everything to keep my daughter away from this guy,"
and she said, "We can't do nothing about it."
So, she moved in with him.
She used to ring me every now and then,
cos I wanted to keep things going and open with her.
And she says, "Mum, he's very possessive."
I said, "Just leave, take your stuff and leave."
One day, he ripped all her clothes up,
he ripped her boots up, so she had no clothes to wear.
She went along to the end of the road with just a towel round her
and I picked her up and she came home.
He was 25, I was 15.
I was a kid, really.
And I lost my virginity on my 16th birthday to him.
He was on drugs, drank a lot, used to drink-drive a lot, hit me.
Pfft! Made me do things I didn't want to do.
Like, I used to have to look forward, I couldn't look to the left,
to the right, "Are you looking at that man?
"Are you doing this, doing that?"
I was pregnant with him, he kicked me in the belly, lost the baby.
Even talking about it now, cos I've never really sat
and spoke about it, it actually makes sense
why I've gone for them kind of relationships.
Very, very, very unhealthy.
Because that's what I've been used to from young,
being abused by men, young, young.
And my first relationship was abusive.
Subconsciously, it has affected me and I think from then,
all relationships I've had with men have been wrong.
It ends up being toxic, jealousy, unhealthy.
One of my friends texts me, and was like, "Oh, your sister's
"been on a date with this guy called Keiron. I just wanted to
"let you know that he's a, you know, a knob and tell her to stay clear."
And then literally, like, a few weeks later, after five weeks,
they're getting married. DIRECTOR:Five weeks?
Yeah.
So, originally, Keiron was a, a stripper.
He was a stripper, and, um...
Yeah, he, he was a stripper and that was it.
I, I personally wasn't instilled with, in full confidence.
And it's, yeah.
Now, he proper love-bombed me.
He would text me constantly, constantly,
just wouldn't leave me alone, like obsessed, obsessed, obsessed.
He had me on a pedestal, as if I was the best thing.
Very quickly, I was pregnant.
We had two kids together.
I bought a house with stables, it was like my dream home.
It just all seemed so perfect.
I thought I had my family unit back, like I had with Pete.
(ENGINE REVVING)
Keiron, he weren't what he was cracked up to be.
He, he didn't work, I said something ain't right.
Keiron? What?
I said to her, you should not be with him.
SOPHIE:Dan at the time was doing all Kate's sort of finances
and managing Kate to, to an extent.
And I think Keiron sort of turned around to Kate and said,
"Look, I'll, I'll do it for you, I'll take it over."
The day that I handed over the logins, the cheque books
and everything else, I knew that that was gonna be a corner
turned in the wrong direction.
I kind of lived and breathed helping Kate,
cos I know she always needs the help. I'd worked really hard
to make sure that she was always in a good place
and everything was sorted and, and I was gutted.
Hmm.
I don't think they spoke for years after that, erm...
She just, yeah, I suppose took Keiron over him.
The four years in which
me and Kate didn't really have close contact were probably
four of the most volatile and toxic
period in her life.
And I found it very, very painful
seeing what she was going through.
I'm on the sidelines, I'm not really in the circle,
and I couldn't offer my help because
our relationship at that time was fractured.
She hid from us then,
and because she doesn't contact us, we know something's wrong.
(SOFT, SOLEMN MUSIC)
I'd sort of pushed the family away,
like let Keiron take care of things.
I trusted him.
But I became very vulnerable with Keiron
because I thought it's a new, um...
a family unit, basically.
Can I just have a cup of tea break?
DIRECTOR: Yeah, time for a break. Fucking hell.
(DIRECTOR COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT)
Basically, the whole six years I was with him,
I didn't have him to myself.
He was having multiple relationship with other people.
(INTRIGUING MUSIC)
He started a relationship with one of my best friends of 25 years.
Then he was messaging my other best friend.
I wanted to hate him and hurt him,
but then I didn't want him to go
'cause I loved and I wanted... I wanted him.
He made me feel like I was going mental.
Every room I'd go in, I'd think, "Has he shagged in here,
and I know he's shagged in this one, and I know he's done it on that."
And then I would be picturing him with my friend
and it would make me want more sex with him,
which doesn't make sense.
Why would I want sex with him when he's been doing that?
Then I'd ask him what positions they did it in,
and where they did it, how they did it,
driving myself mad.
I thought I did everything perfect for him.
Everything. It just destroyed me.
Destroyed my self-confidence from what I did have,
destroyed the way I feel I look.
(INTRIGUING, SOLEMN MUSIC)
SURGEON: Just opening up here.
The strive to change the way that she looks
comes from the place
where you want to change the way that you feel.
She's trying to fix the way that she feels about herself inside.
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
This fundamental feeling of not being good enough
or not being attractive enough or skinny enough or talented enough,
is deep down, that's come from years of trauma.
SOPHIE: I think she just completely sort of lost herself.
And then it, yeah, it just sort of spiralled, really.
It was not a good time for Mum and it was not a good time for us.
I used to hear them, Mum and Keiron, arguing.
Mum would be out all the time,
there was a lot of drinking involved.
I don't know if she was depressed, I'm sure she was.
When he cheated on her the first time,
that literally broke her.
And he did it worse.
(DARK MUSIC)
When they fully broke up...
...that's-that's when she really, really, really spiralled.
(RAPPING) ♪ I got Patrick here in front of me
♪ He's got a hairy chest And a mean belly... ♪
(CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY) Kate was very good
at not letting me in
at the dark times.
(KATIE PRICE RAPPING)
She didn't want
her closest people seeing her in that way.
(CONTINUES RAPPING)
We kind of lost touch at that point.
The papers are writing about you left right and centre,
your husband's cheating, they're shagging your best friends.
Imagine what that does to somebody's soul.
Imagine what that does to somebody's spirit.
She was just really fucking lost.
(KATIE PRICE RAPPING)
(POIGNANT PIANO MUSIC)
(POIGNANT PIANO FADES)
I remember, in the papers, seeing the video about Kate
rapping about drugs,
and...
I remember seeing that, and me and Mum
were on the phone to each other and I just went,
"I don't know what to do, Mum.
I don't know where we're gonna go from here."
(POIGNANT MUSIC)
Kate said to me...
"I don't do it
to get a high,
I do it 'cause it quietens me down and my brain down."
KATIE: It was the only thing that blocked everything out.
It's like a voice,
and you know it's there,
and you know that if you take it,
it will take out that pain,
it will take out... any worry,
it will take out the noise.
(SOLEMN MUSIC)
That's probably the most difficult time of my life,
of our lives, probably.
(SOLEMN MUSIC CONTINUES)
I felt like I didn't know what was going on,
I didn't really know what to understand,
and I couldn't talk to Mum about it
because she was not... She wasn't there.
She wasn't there. Like, she just... She wasn't there.
- And when she was there, she wasn't there. - Yeah.
And we... was kind of like
the siblings would kind of just look after each other quite a lot.
I remember us just like, you know,
me trying to figure out how to...
If this food is microwavable,
to-to feed us for dinner or whatever.
Not that she didn't feed us, but she was out all the time.
Yeah, she'd give me a blanket
and she sprayed all her perfume on it,
and that was like, that was my...
my attachment to Mum.
So, I remember after school
I used to go home and just feel so like lonely, in a way.
I used to just cuddle to the blanket and just cry.
I remember missing her so much.
I remember this one time in particular
I was in her bed waiting for her to come back
and I woke up...
...probably three, 3:30am to some loud noises,
and I see her come in the room,
and I'll never forget the look on her face.
Um...
She was obviously on stuff, right?
I could see it in her eyes, and I was...
It scared me 'cause I've never seen my mum look like that.
She's there, but she's not there.
You know, that's when things started reoccurring
and I started seeing the same patterns
and I started seeing her fall down the same hole.
Here we are, on our way to the underwater restaurant.
(ENGINE ROARS) CLEMMIE: She wants to please,
she wants to buy people things
KATIE: We're in the lamb chops today.
She's got an entourage of people that need paying,
and then slowly but surely,
the money starts dwindling.
I'm gonna be selling these, memorabilia,
like my old underwear.
"To Mr George, wet dreams, Jordan."
Wahey! Get in there, sunshine.
Wahey! Get them knickers out for the lads.
She offered, um, at one stage,
you know, said, look I'm getting my boobs done..."
or another facelift or whatever it was,
you know, do you want to cover it exclusively?
And I just said, "No, I don't."
So, as you can see, I only had surgery a few hours ago,
I'm up and walking.
So although it looks bad, I'm OK.
The brand is diminishing.
Once upon a time she was getting a 13 grand kickback.
With paparazzi agencies,
she's probably getting 350 quid nowadays.
I'd be writing cheques out for like 400 and something grand...
...in tax back in the heyday. It's mental.
Quarter of a million quid for VAT in a quarter.
(EXHALES) Frightening numbers.
But, yeah, it kind of just went... (TRILLS DOWNWARD)
I just couldn't cope.
Bankruptcy, Keiron, cheating, lawyers.
Just ev... every single thing you can think of
was magnified in my head.
Police, courts, this,
that, worry, work, duh,
and then kids.
When she wasn't in the right head space,
she really wasn't,
and she wasn't being a mum.
She wasn't being the mum that I knew
from when I was a little, little boy.
The amount of love she gave me was so immense that...
that's what I miss so much.
Mum was on drugs and she could not look after us,
and that is the reality of it.
She couldn't,
and then I got fed up.
I clocked on that this was
a very unhealthy environment and I needed to get out.
PRINCESS: You left, I stayed.
I always wanted to be there for her
and I always wanted to show her that she has me, she has us,
but she didn't understand that at the time because she was so...
hooked up in her own problems.
I did leave.
I think I was about 14, 15.
Thank God that my dad was stable,
because that's the house that I went to
and gained my sanity back.
You know, while I was wishing and hoping that my mum would come back,
you know, and-and turn herself around,
made me feel like I wasn't good enough
because she wasn't fixing herself for me,
she wasn't fixing herself for us.
Are we not good enough for you?
What... Why... Why...
(SIGHS) Yeah. DIRECTOR: Yeah.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
DIRECTOR: You OK?
Sorry.
DIRECTOR: It's a lot.
It's just more...
...saying out loud
what you feel, you know?
(SOLEMN MUSIC)
PAUL: Harvey was looked after at his school,
but Kate's two youngest kids were with her.
Peter was fighting for his kids,
for Princess and Junior to live with him,
and we used to say to her, you know,
"You're gonna lose the kids if you ain't careful."
Do you still love me?
Yeah. Aw, Price.
(SOLEMN MUSIC CONTINUES)
When I hear...
...what the kids...
how they saw it, it breaks my heart.
(SOLEMN MUSIC CONTINUES)
But they were still always looked after,
I still had people around me looking after them,
like, helping me.
But that's not good enough. Kids need their mum.
Kids need their mum's love,
their mum's hugs.
And I thought I was giving that,
but obviously I wasn't.
It must have been horrible for them,
horrible for them,
and I'm just sorry to them
that I put them through that.
I thought I was doing the best I could with them,
but... what could I have done?
I-I was... I was unwell,
I couldn't even look after myself.
I was rock... more than rock bottom.
I didn't want to be here, I wanted to die.
(SOLEMN, ETHEREAL MUSIC)
I felt worthless,
suicidal thoughts all the time.
I used to drive past trees
and think, "Oh, that would be a good tree if I...
...put a rope on it."
If I know something's on her mind
or she's not dealing with something properly,
it's in them times I worry that I'm going to get a phone call.
So I used to put the phone under my pillow
so I didn't miss the calls.
(SOFT, FOREBODING MUSIC)
DAN: She was obviously at a very low ebb and...
in a house, a big house,
no kids around.
She-She decided to...
go out for a drive.
AMY: I was woken up...
...by the phone call and this guy,
"I've got your daughter here, she's had a car crash."
I said, "What do you mean she's had a car crash?"
"She's overturned her car,
I've got her out the car, she's here."
(SIREN WAILING)
He said, "I keep saying to her,
why do you want to commit suicide?
What is it? I can't be here anymore."
(SOFT, SOLEMN MUSIC)
And she goes, "Sorry, Mum. I'm sorry."
And, um...
And then the bloke says to her,
"You've got everything to live for."
"No, I wanted to be out of it."
I got a call from mum, really early,
so went down to the hospital
and they were like, "Right, one person's allowed
to go in and see her in the room."
(CRIES SOFTLY)
Oh, God.
I just remember going in the room
and she just couldn't look at me.
(SNIFFLES)
(SIGHS) And she put her hands over her face,
so I couldn't see her face.
When you see the wreckage, I'm amazed that she was able
to even come out of it, if I'm honest with you, yeah.
(SOLEMN MUSIC SWELLS)
(MUSIC FADES, ENDS)
DIRECTOR: Was the car crash itself a suicide attempt?
She says it was.
Yeah.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
It didn't work, and I'm glad it didn't work.
Um, 'cause then that would have destroyed a lot of people.
(SOMBRE MUSIC)
She was on drugs,
she'd been drinking,
don't know what speed she must have been doing
or what happened, but she...
Oh, it's dreadful.
Then after that they took her back to the police station.
I remember when they put me in a cell...
...it was like peace.
And it was on my own, peace and quiet, no-one around me,
so I found that quite comforting.
It's quite sad to think that, but...
I sort of felt safe in there.
At that time, it's difficult to see a way out of it.
So all we could do is ride it, really, with her.
PAUL: I thought she'd end up in prison,
when we went to court, but, uh...
no, she didn't.
After the court, we had to go straight to rehab.
We knew we had to do something, otherwise we'd lose her.
I was... I was just relieved
that she was still here, to say the least.
You know,
trying to end your life and not...
...being able to...
...must wake you up, and I think it did.
All I know is going in the Priory...
saved me.
Yeah.
Shit times, aye.
(GENTLE MUSIC) (BIRDS CHIRPING)
They start off with your childhood,
you know, where they say "Sit on a chair,
and what would you say to your younger self?"
When you talk about things,
you're putting it out,
whereas before I'd keep everything in.
All the things that happened to me as a young girl...
...my dad being absent,
the abuse I've had from men,
and you talk about how the depression made you feel,
what it made you do,
and mine was it made me do coke.
AMY: She went for six weeks.
They do really well with her.
From then she realised that...
...we were gonna help her...
...as much as we could.
When she came home,
we had to really step up to the plate and be
the... the cotton wool
as a family to...
pick up pieces and try and glue Kate back together again.
She kept going to the Priory on a weekly basis
and we've been so glad she's been
diagnosed with ADHD,
'cause that explains a lot of her behaviour in the past.
It's very hard to explain me
and what goes on in my head.
Like, when I look at...
the past,
how I react to things.
I recognise that...
my thought process and the way I do things was definitely
different to anyone else. (CROWD CHEERING)
The scattiness, the impulsiveness,
the this, the that.
She could get swept away with things,
but she knows how to manage herself now.
Which is a relief for all of us, you know.
DIRECTOR: Do you think that diagnosis has helped?
I do. I think it's helped in the sense...
Right, she knows how her brain works
and it's helped the family in the sense of
OK, you can sort of almost predict
her next steps, to an extent.
When I got my diagnosis,
it was more just to keep my family happy.
DIRECTOR: Oh.(MUSIC STOPS) It wasn't for me, I...
I know I'm different anyway, I know I'm...
off the spectrum, off the key, whatever.
It's not hard to work that out.
But now they know that, that's still not enough,
'cause now they're still like, "Why are you like this?"
Mum, you've been told!
You've been told my brain is wired different.
That is why.
(GENTLE MUSIC)
JUNIOR: She helped herself
by getting off the drugs and...
being a mum again.
I feel the duty to care for her.
She's, like, such a special gem to me, do you know what I mean?
Because she's my mum and I've only got one.
I think she's massively, massively
improved on her mental health.
I feel the love from her again.
Like, when I go round her house,
I just sit there and I cuddle her on the sofa and it's like...
that's the bond we've always needed to have.
- Yeah, it feels like I've got my mum back now. - Yeah.
We know that she's crazy, and she knows that,
but we love her for it. (CHUCKLES)
And we'll always be there for her.
KATIE: They supported me, helped me through it,
they never gave up on me.
Daniel helped,
started taking over,
looking at her finances.
Sophie... (CLEARS THROAT)
...was in contact with her every day,
keeping an eye on her, visiting her.
DIRECTOR: And Sophie manages her now, is that right?
Yeah.
(EXHALES) I don't know how.
Right, we don't call it, we don't say we manage her,
because I think that gives her a little trigger,
so we just "support her"
with day to day work.
If she needs a bit of advice we give it to her.
DIRECTOR: But it is kind of... But it is kind of managing, yeah.
Like that?
(UPLIFTING MUSIC)
Sophie got her back working,
got her back on her good feet.
- Are we ready? - Yeah.- Cool.
I love being in front of the camera even nowadays.
I get in my little positions,
all like this, oh!
And then I'm sort of all like this with my hair
and then I give it all that. (CAMERA CLICKS)
That's nice. Oh, that's nice.
I just love it. It's me.
I will keep going and doing them poses until...
...the day I die. (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
DAN: She's better now.
Smile.
And it makes all our lives a lot easier when Kate's happier.
I have now joined Only Fans.
I mean, don't get me wrong, there's been blips,
there's been blips.
REPORTER: Are you in denial, Katie?
She's hard work.
Hello, everyone. I said, hello everyone.
Anything can come at you, basically.
It's like, "Right, what are we dealing with today?
Is today gonna be a good day?"
I'm feeling horny.
(HORN HONKS)
I just think she makes decisions that are so... out there
that in her eyes, they're relatively normal.
But to me, I'm thinking,
"Why the fuck are you doing that?
Obviously everyone has their thoughts on everything,
but ay the end of the day, I am married to Lee,
he is my husband, and I'm just
really, really, really, really worried.
I just hope he hasn't been kidnapped,
and if he has been arrested,
I just want to know he's all right and what he's been arrested for.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
JUNIOR: Mum... Mum can't be alone.
Wallis. (CLICKING TONGUE) I feel like...
...she's scared to be alone.
Yes.
Because I feel like if she's alone
she doesn't have anyone to turn to,
apart from herself, and she probably wants to escape
some thoughts that she has or some feelings that she has.
The partner fills in all the...
all the quietness, all the emptiness.
But she keeps getting hurt
and broken because these partners are no good for her.
And I... I wish for her
that she finds more comfortability
within herself.
I really, really
want her to start enjoying her own company more.
I really, really do. I think you've actually nailed that.
My family, they're just worried 'cause they're so scarred
by how bad I was,
they don't want me to spiral.
(UPLIFTING MUSIC)
They love and care for me so much,
but they have to remember,
this is the best version I've ever been in my life.
(UPLIFTING MUSIC SWELLS)
Hmm.
Um...
In some ways... (CLEARS THROAT)
...God, she's still like a child,
but, um...
...she's just a good daughter.
But what are you having for Christmas?
I want a horse.
I just want to tell her, "Mum, just stop worrying about things.
Come on, you've got to have one child that's not normal,
and that's me." That's all I ever say to her.
DIRECTOR: Black sheep. Yes!
This is it. I'm the not normal child that you've got.
Get used to it.
You've had 47 years of me being like it, stop.
DIRECTOR: I love the fact that you've
walked the walk with her every step of the way.
Even when you've disapproved of her choices...
...you've stayed by her side throughout.
Literally, you've been by her side.
That's what happens when you're a mum though, doesn't it?
I don't think it happens with everyone.
I bet it... I bet it would with your mum, wouldn't it?
DIRECTOR: Would it? CREW MEMBER: Maybe.
There you go. And what about your mum?
CREW MEMBER 2: I'd hope so, yeah.
Mmm. I just think it's normal.
And what do you hope for Kate?
Peace.
Inside.
That she really does find someone...
...to love and be happy.
Get off!
♪ MEREDITH BROOKS: Bitch ♪
(PHONELINE TRILLING)
Hello? You all right?
I was just... We was talking about you.
Oh, yeah? Go on.
How much I love my mother,
how strong you are,
how supportive you are.
Well, if you think that much of me and that, right,
you'll listen when I say to you
stop vaping.
Oh, it's the vape today! (LAUGHS)
Yeah. And... Oh, yeah.
Your bloody lips.
Awful. Why?
Anything else?
♪ I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
♪ I'm a child, I'm a mother
♪ I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
♪ I do not feel ashamed
♪ I'm your Hell, I'm your dream
♪ I'm nothing in between
♪ You know you wouldn't want it
♪ Any other way. ♪
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